As I near the end of this story, I wanted to plant some seeds for the sequel and this chapter sorta got out of hand. I always planned to write a Charlene/Kirk story but never got around to it so here is a snippet to get it started. I have already written the last few chapters of Beyond Antares, but this extra plot twist may push back the ending a little. Hope it was worth the wait.

Somebody hold me too close

Somebody hurt me too deep

Somebody sit in my chair

And ruin my sleep

And make me aware

Of being alive

~Being Alive by Stephen Sondheim~

Deja Vous

"Whatever it is, it can't be that bad."

Captain Kirk did not react to the sudden whiff of cinnamon-spiced latte or the intrusion of the person accompanying the scent standing on the other side of his table, casting a long dark shadow over him.

He wasn't in the mood for this. When he had stormed off from the observation deck earlier, he didn't have a destination in mind. He had just wanted to get away from his 'friends' and by instinct he found himself headed for the turbo lift that would take him back to the bridge, but he had only just left the bridge when he met up with Bones and Spock. Therefore, the bridge was out and so was his cabin. He had no desire to sit and mope in the sparsely decorated room he called home for the past five years. Though he did not want to be in the company of Spock and Bones right now, he also didn't want to be alone with his bitter thoughts either.

At this hour of the day or night, however one perceived it, the rec rooms were usually minimally occupied, and the lights dimmed to mimic natural Earth conditions. The patrons were usually off-duty crew members between shifts either getting ready to start the 3rd shift or coming off the 2nd one and looking to unwind. Some people ate dinner or drank coffee and those who did share tables talked with their heads close together in hushed tones.

Tonight, however, there were plenty of crew members loitering about, sitting and reading Data Padds, sipping a drink, and generally minding their own business. The presence of the captain wasn't remarkable and nobody even raised their head when he stormed into the room wearing what he hoped was a "do not disturb" scowl on his face. He had grabbed a seat at a secluded corner table after ordering a steaming cup of Irish coffee from the replicator, and then he had settled in to brood.

But of course, Captain Kirk's pity party was doomed to be short-lived. He supposed it was just too much to ask to be left alone in peace for one night?

"Lieutenant Masters," he said finally when the shadow over his table refused to take a hint and buzz off. "Is there something I can do for you?"

Charlene took that as an invitation and sat down in the seat opposite the captain's chair with her back to the room. "I was just about to ask you the same thing. I saw you storm through the door like you were being chased by demons."

"Demons hmm?" he laughed at the thought since he'd once compared Spock to a devil. "I suppose I was at that."

"Care to talk about it?" she asked.

"With you, Lieutenant?"

Charlene looked around the room dramatically. "Do you see anybody else asking?"

Kirk smiled at her antics despite his desire to be left alone. "Why do you care?"

"I asked myself that exact same question before I came over. But here I am anyway." Charlene shrugged her shoulders and sipped from her own steaming mug and then leaned in to whisper, "Seeing you sitting here all alone at night, agitated, staring at but not drinking coffee, it reminded me of another similar occasion."

"What similar occasion was that?" Kirk asked.

"A few months ago I found Nyota in here doing the same thing. Turns out she was in love with Spock."

"Well Lieutenant, I can assure you I am not in love with Mr. Spock." Kirk finally took a sip of his own cooling coffee and shook his head.

"You sure?" Charlene asked as she studied his reaction.

Kirk nearly spit out his coffee and he looked up at her sharply, "What are you saying?"

"So sorry," she apologized while pretending to wipe coffee from her sleeve. "Did I stutter?"

Kirk frowned at her. "Possibly, because I thought I heard you ask if I was in love with Spock."

"Well, are you?" she asked again not backing down.

"No!" he denied a little too forcefully, causing heads to look up and turn in their direction. Kirk smiled stiffly and nodded to show the crew he was fine. Then to Charlene he said softly, with his frozen grin still in place, "No Lieutenant, I am not in love with Mr. Spock."

"But he is the reason you're in here moping?" she asked looking at his face closely.

"I am not moping. But if you must know, I just came from meeting Spock and Dr. McCoy and we had a discussion about the role of families on the ship."

Charlene's eyes lit up, and she nodded with comprehension. "So they told you?"

"Told me what Lieutenant?"

"They told you about Nyota."

"What about her?" Kirk asked as if he were clueless.

"Don't play dumb Jim, it doesn't suit you."

"Well, if you are asking me about it, then you already know."

"Know what?" Charlene asked innocently.

Kirk smiled, "Don't play dumb Lieutenant, it doesn't suit you either."

With that, they both laughed, and again the heads in the room looked up in their direction.

"Well, now that we both know what we know, what are we going to do about it?" Charlene asked.

"We?" Kirk questioned. "We will not be doing anything. It is none of our business." He went back to drinking his coffee as if the subject were closed, but Charlene kept going.

"How can it be none of our business? They're our best friends. We are hosting a reception for them in a few days. We have to do something special for them."

"They aren't announcing it to everyone so we should just go along with their wishes and stay out of their affairs."

"Sure it's a private matter, but we can still support them privately."

"Well then, you do it. Privately."

"And what are you going to do?"

"Nothing. As I said, it has nothing to do with me." He sipped his coffee and continued brooding.

Charlene watched him with narrowed eyes and shook her head in disappointment. "I knew you'd act like this," she said.

Kirk raised a brow. "You knew I'd act like what?"

"Act as if Spock has hurt you. Like you're losing someone you love."

"Would you please stop saying that?" Kirk grumbled.

"Stop saying what?"

"Losing someone I love?" Kirk asked incredulously. "I do not love Spock!"

"Why not? He's your best friend in this whole wide universe."

"Because Spock is a Vulcan for whom love would be an insult. He doesn't love."

Charlene rolled her eyes, she was so tired of hearing this lame argument from everyone. "So what if he's Vulcan? Spock can and he does feel love. He loves Nyota, and he loves his parents, and he loves you too, only you're too stubborn and afraid to admit you love him back."

"I'm not afraid of any-"

"AFRAID!" Charlene cut the captain off and slammed her hand on the table. "Afraid that if you do let your guard down and love someone, you'll lose them."

Kirk shot up from his seat to tower over Charlene and sneer, "I thought you were an engineer not a psychologist, Lieutenant?"

Charlene stood too and sneered right back, "It doesn't take psychiatry to see what's happening here."

"Oh? And what exactly do you think is happening?" Kirk asked with a tight jaw as he scowled at Charlene.

"I think you're sulking because your world is about to change, or so you think, and you don't know how to react."

Kirk was seething with anger and he was about to unleash on Charlene when he realized the rec room was eerily quiet and that he and Charlene were the center of everyone's attention.

He assessed the situation. Charlene stood on the other side of the table leaning forward, her head nearly touching his. She was panting with anger and her eyes were flashing dangerously too. They must have put on quite a show just now. He could see the gears turning in everyone's heads speculating about the two of them arguing in public. Wordlessly he straightened up, took a deep calming breath, adjusted his uniform tunic, and turned heading for the exit without saying another word.

But as if the night could not get any worse, as Kirk made his way to the lift he heard the sound of booted feet rapidly closing in on him. He had allowed her to have the last word, what more did the woman want?

He didn't know where he could go that Charlene wouldn't follow and the last thing he wanted was to cause another public scene, so he turned away from the lift and headed for his quarters, with his pursuer hot on his heels.

The captain made it to his cabin door, quickly stepped inside, and waited. Surely Lieutenant Masters wouldn't have the nerve to follow him here?

He didn't have long to wait until the door chimed and the ball was in his court. Would he open the door or ignore it? Kirk paced the floor of his sitting area and pondered the decision. The door chimed insistently, and he imagined Charlene impatiently tapping a booted toe while steam came out of her ears. The corridor near his cabin was less busy than other areas of the ship but there was still the chance someone would be wandering around out there at this time of the night, or worse still perhaps someone followed them both from the rec room to see the rest of their "discussion". The last thing he wanted was an audience or more gossip, so he went to the door and opened it.

Before he could say anything, Charlene charged past him and then turned to face him.

Kirk leaned his back against the closed door crossing his arms defensively. "Lieutenant, I am only going to say this once, and then you are going to leave. Understood?"

Charlene only quirked a brow at him as if to say go ahead, so he did. "I am not in love with Spock, nor anyone else on this ship. Yes, Spock is my friend and I care about him and his wife, who happens to be my communications officer. I acknowledge and accept that they are contentedly married and expecting a child together and it has nothing to do with me personally. What Spock and Uhura do with their lives is none of my business. There is no crisis, and even if there was one, I would handle it just as I do everything else. I make more life and death decisions before 9 am than most people make in a lifetime. So I know exactly how to react in a crisis." When he finished his speech, he hoped that would be the end of the subject and he stepped away from the door so she could leave the way she came.

Instead, Charlene sat down at his dining table and crossed her legs at the knee, and folded her arms casually. "So you think starting a family is a crisis?"

Kirk threw up his arms in disbelief. "Who said anything about family or a crisis?"

"You did," Charlene said. They stared at each other, one angry and the other amused.

"Charlene, did you come barging in here just to attack me again?"

"I came because of the hurt look on your face when you left the rec room."

"So you decided to pour salt on the wound you inflicted?"

"I wanted to make sure you're okay. I was going to apologize."

"Well, you suck at apologizing"

Charlene grinned, "I suck at a lot of things."

Kirk smiled and walked towards her. "Oh really? What else do you suck at?"

Charlene stopped grinning when she saw the gleam in Kirk's eyes. "I don't think I should discuss sucking with my Captain."

"It wouldn't be the first time, besides we're off duty. I'm just Jim, remember?"

"Okay JIM. But sometimes it's best not to remember."

Kirk didn't know what to say to that, so instead, he gestured towards the door. "Well, if you're done sucking..."

Charlene looked between Kirk and the door. It would be wise to leave. She should not be in the captain's cabin late at night all alone. It was foolish. So of course she said, "I haven't even started yet. Aren't you going to offer me a drink?"

"What for?" Kirk asked.

"I'm your guest."

"You're uninvited."

"An unfortunate slight for which you can make amends by giving me whatever it is I see in that cabinet over there." Charlene pointed to the enclosed shelf that held some of Kirk's personal belongings, including a cask of Romulan ale.

He stared at Charlene for a moment before he relented and stalked to the cabinet to pull out two glasses and the cask. He set them all down on the table and poured himself and his guest a drink.

The two sipped their drinks in silence, each consumed with their own thoughts, when finally Charlene quietly mumbled, "I'm sorry."

"What's that?" Kirk cupped his hand by his ear.

"I said, 'I'M SORRY!' I shouldn't have started an argument with you in front of everyone and I shouldn't have followed you here either. You just made me so mad-"

"How did I make you mad?" Kirk asked.

"You just... I just know how you feel about family and it makes me sad. And angry."

"Why do you even care how I feel?"

"I just do. We used to be so... Oh, forget it! You're right. I don't know why I even bothered. You've made it quite clear time and time again that you're not interested in having a family and you prefer to be alone with your precious ship. That is, except when you're screwing over every other alien bimbo that falls in your path-"

"Bimbo?" Kirk tossed his head back and laughed dramatically. "Where in the world did you dig up that old archaic word? Did you learn it from your little boy-toy De Salle? Or maybe Mr. Lazarus whispered it in your ear while he was stealing our Dilithium right from under your nose?"

Charlene was sorely tempted to toss her drink right in Kirk's smug face. Instead, she calmly finished the last sip of her ale and stood to leave. "This was a mistake," she said as she headed for the exit but she didn't make it two feet before Kirk stood, grabbed her arm, and turned her to face him.

"And what exactly is 'this'?" he asked.

"Let me go!" she struggled to pull her arm free from his ironclad grip.

"No!" the captain shook his head. "No, every time we meet, you seem to be angry at me for some offense I don't remember committing. What is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem Captain!"

"I'm not your Captain right now remember? We're just Jim and Charlene. Two old friends."

"We're not friends. We've never been friends!"

"Then what were we? What was I to you, Charlene? What did I do that made you dump me for Finny?"

"I didn't dump you, Jim. You left me."

"I didn't leave you, Charlene! I had a chance to serve with Captain Garrovick on the Farragut and I took it! You agreed I should go. You were supposed to join me when you graduated, not hook up with Finny!"

"I did not hook up with Finny. Finny was my friend, and he was there for me when I needed a friend."

"Yeah, I saw what kind of friend he was, carrying you around the quad like a damsel in distress. I shouldn't be a bit surprised that you like De Salle. Finny should have clued me in that you like them big and dumb."

"Big and dumb, huh? What does that say about you? And what about your precious Ruth? Talk about dumb-"

"Don't you bring Ruth into this!" Kirk demanded.

"Then don't drag De Salle and Finny into this!" Charlene poked her finger into his shoulder and then her own, "this is between you and me!"

"Oh really? Then I'll ask you again. What is this?" Jim looked deep into Charlene's eyes seeking answers he should have gotten years ago.

"This is a mistake," she said sadly.

"But why Charlene? Why is it a mistake for two old friends to share a drink of illicit ale?" Jim said and pulled her in a little closer.

"It's dangerous," she insisted.

Jim let her go and walked to the table where he poured ale into their glasses. "Just stay for one drink," he said and held the glass out to her. "C'mon, what's the harm?" Then he gave her the Kirk smirk.

Charlene stood between the door to freedom and James T. Kirk and his wicked grin. Her feet carried her forward.

"What's the harm?" she said as she took the glass and swallowed the contents in one gulp.

*/*/*

The communicator on the bedside table buzzed relentlessly.

"Ignore it," Uhura said as she snuggled up closer to Spock. "Whoever it is can wait until a decent hour."

"Perhaps it is important. They do seem persistent," Spock said.

"They'll give up if we ignore them. We still don't have subspace communications so whoever it is, they are on the ship. They know it's far too early to call," she grumbled.

"Therefore, reinforcing my postulate that it is important," Spock said.

The communicator buzzed again.

"That only solidifies my speculation that the caller is annoying." Uhura rolled over and reached for the view-screen on her side of the bed. Whoever it was, they were about to get the rough side of her tongue.

As soon as she answered the communicator, Charlene appeared on screen looking more frazzled than Uhura had ever seen.

"Thank god you answered," Charlene said.

Uhura studied her friend's troubled face in the viewer. "Char, what's wrong? Why are you calling at this time of the morning?"

"Ny, this is a double red alert situation! Does it matter what time I'm calling? I've spent so many nights listening to your tales of woe it's only fair you listen to mine now."

"Tales of woe? What's happened to you?"

"I had a fight with Jim!"

"Jim?" Uhura asked perplexed. Surely not... "Jim!?"

"Yes, Jim!" Charlene said with some annoyance.

"Jim as in Captain James Kirk?"

"Yes!" Charlene barked into the view-screen.

"Okay, okay..." Uhura disentangled herself from Spock and sat up in the bunk to concentrate. "Charlene, what's happened?" She asked gently.

Charlene threw her hands up in the air. "He just makes me so mad! I just wanted to smack him upside the head and knock some sense into him," she huffed.

"Oh no. Charlene, you didn't hit the captain did you?" Uhura asked with concern. She was surprised her friend wasn't already in the brig.

"No. I did something even worse than that," Charlene nearly cried miserably.

"Oh my god Char, what did you do?"

"I kissed him!"

"What!" Uhura gasped.

"What the hell was I thinking? Ny, I don't know what to do."

"Sounds like you've already done it," Uhura couldn't help saying.

"Ny! This isn't a joke. This is my life. My career," Charlene moaned.

"Well, so what if you kissed the captain? Who hasn't kissed the captain? I've kissed the captain," Uhura said in a bid for solidarity which made Spock stop pretending not to listen and sit up to look at her with a quirked brow.

"Listen, I'm coming over and we'll straighten all this out together. In the meantime, you sit tight."

"Thank you Ny," Charlene said meekly.

"Girl, you know I've got your back. Spock and I will fix this. Uhura out."

After the viewscreen went dark Uhura turned to Spock. "Spock. We have to fix this."

"Aduna, I suggest we stay out of this affair."

"Stay out of it? Charlene is my best friend and Jim's yours, so we're in. I need to go to Charlene's for a while and get to the bottom of this. I suggest you go see what the captain has to say for himself." Uhura scrambled out of bed and started gathering her clothes.

"I will not. The captain is fully capable of handling his interpersonal relationships without my interference," Spock told her.

"Are you sure about that? Since when has the captain gone around kissing crew members?" Uhura asked.

Spock looked at her with piercing eyes. "I suppose it was when he kissed you."

Uhura waved her hand to dismiss the statement. "He didn't just kiss me, I kissed him too, and it was a while ago."

"How long ago is a while?"

Uhura stopped rummaging and turned to her husband. "Adun, are you jealous?"

"Jealousy is an illogical human emotion."

"Then you're only half jealous?" she said and continued gathering her clothing.

"I am not jealous. I am merely curious as to when and under what circumstance you kissed the captain."

"I'll tell you what, why don't you ask him while you find out what happened between him and Charlene last night? See if you can smooth things over with him."

"Aduna, need I remind you that the captain and I also had words last night? I am surely not the person to offer aid and comfort at this time."

Uhura stopped dressing for a moment to look at him. "Well, who else is going to do it?"

Spock looked at her pointedly.

Uhura shook her head. "Uh-unh. Nope. He's your best friend. Besides, I'll be offering aid and comfort to MY best friend. That just leaves you."

"Jim has more than one friend. Perhaps Bones..."

"No!" Uhura insisted. "You can't tell Dr. McCoy! This is between Charlene and the captain. I'm sure she doesn't want everyone on the ship to know."

"Bones is not everyone on the ship. He is the ship's physician. He can be discreet."

"It doesn't matter. Charlene told us in confidence. We can't tell another soul."

"She told you in confidence, I just happened to be here."

"Well, she knows if she tells me anything she's essentially telling you as well. Besides, you're her friend too. She needs you. Please, Adun?" Uhura asked softly.

Spock took in a deep calming breath and slowly released it before he stood to dress. Perhaps being in the circle of trust was not all that appealing after all.

Note: The Finny mentioned here is Finnegan from the Shore Leave episode not to be confused with the Finney from the Court Martial episode.