Some people never come clean.
- Eagles, "Victim of Love"
4
"Morning," Gray greeted Luca when he groggily came down from the attic. "Sleep well?"
"As well as I can with a lump on my head," the boy replied as he took a seat at the kitchen table. "You done working out already?"
"Yep." Gray glanced at the clock as he put the kettle on a tray. Quarter past six. Perfect. "Go knock on Erza's door."
"Why?"
"Because you're serving her tea in bed." Gray placed a cup and saucer on the tray and carried it to the table. "She's gonna deal with the milk and sugar herself, so you just do the knocking."
Luca stared at the tray, up at him and back at the tray again. Then he sighed and rose to his feet.
"You are such a husband," he muttered as he went.
Gray frowned. "Hey, at least I ain't wearing an apron or something."
"It's the sentiment that matters more."
He had him there. Gray clicked his tongue and started working on breakfast. He wanted to do a nice thing and let Erza relax. She'd been going places and doing things ever since she arrived. A little break was deserved.
Plus, he wanted to prove to her that he could cook things that weren't omelettes.
Gray had already melted some butter in a frying pan. The meat dough, with onions, looked like a golden pulp and he added tomatoes, tomato paste and leeks. Then he heated some milk and let some brown cheese melt in it while stirring. He seasoned it with salt and pepper before pouring it into the meat sauce.
Once that was ready, he made some pasta. He knew that both Erza and Luca were hopelessly Fiorian at heart – they were used to having spaghetti multiple times a day. They practically had diluted pizza flowing through their veins. It would be a welcome sight to them.
He'd come up with this particular recipe after moving to Huldsborg. It was a little taste of home for Luca, and fusing it with traditional Isvani brown cheese had helped him acclimatise. It was now a staple in their cabin. Gray made it twice or thrice a week.
Erza came out carrying the tray, Luca in tow, just as Gray was finishing up.
"Something smells nice," she commented as she put the crockery in the sink.
Gray smirked and puffed out his chest. "Not an omelette."
"I am very proud of your culinary evolution. But what is it?"
"Pasta à la brunost. I made it myself after maybe… thirty failures?"
"Thirty-two," Luca corrected sourly. "I was the test-taster. I remember."
"Well, you liked the finished product, didn't you?" Gray waggled a ladle at the boy's face. "You got no right to complain."
"I can and I will. Now gimme the food. I'm hungry."
"Yeah, yeah. Erza, leave the cup for later. Eat first."
"If you insist."
"I do. Feel guilty for not washing them later."
Sprinkling some basil leaves over the dish, Gray served his creation. It wasn't anything revolutionary, but he liked it well enough. He hoped Erza did, too.
"Mmm." Erza closed her eyes upon feeding herself a spoonful. Gray leaned in imperceptibly to hear her review. "I like the sauce. It's different, but I like it. I really like it. What kind of cheese is this?"
That was all Gray needed to hear. He sat back, smiling, and tucked into his own meal.
"Brunost. A traditional cheese in these parts. Brown cheese," Luca replied while chewing. "But Gray has a secret ingredient."
"Oh?" Erza smiled at him and then at Gray. "And Gray couldn't be persuaded to part with it, could he?"
Gray shrugged. He had no idea where Luca was going with this. Given the boy's track record, it would be a spectacular fail.
"Oh, I say it's a secret, but it isn't really." Luca nodded matter-of-factly. "The secret ingredient is love."
After very nearly choking on his mouthful, Gray, stricken, gaped at Luca. The boy shrugged. Erza just laughed.
"I can tell," she said, mischief dancing across her eyes. "You made this with a lot of care, Gray. It shows."
"Uh-huh. Anyway." Gray concentrated on his food, eager to move on. "What, uh, whaddaya wanna do today?"
"A good question." Erza nodded to herself. "What shall we do today? Luca? Any ideas?"
"Stay inside and sleep and eat."
"Mmm. That sounds nice. Doesn't that sound nice, Gray?"
Gray considered this. "Dunno. Sounds too boring. If it were me, I'd throw board games into the mix."
"Excellent. Then that is what we'll do. Any objections, Luca?"
"Nah. You'll be the one making objections when I beat you!"
"Oh? Bold words, Luca. I shall make you eat them."
Shaking his head, Gray let the two trash-talk each other. It was entertaining. Better than the radio programmes he listened to during meals. Once he finished, he got up and said, "Trash-talk without action is just embarrassing, guys. Hope you know that."
It was effective. Luca ran up to the attic to retrieve all his board games. Ranging from word games to life simulators, he had a fair few. Gray told him to spend his money more wisely, but Luca had an unhealthy obsession with games. It was borderline frightening.
But what was even more frightening was Erza's competitive spirit. She did not like losing. So Gray was unsurprised when a friendly game turned into a battle of pride. Deeming it safest to not be anywhere near them, Gray spent his time washing and drying the dishes. After that, he stood and watched from a distance as Luca and Erza played one game of each before moving onto another. Apparently, whoever won the most games, all boards combined, won the day.
Neither of them spoke, too absorbed in their little competition. Gray made himself some coffee and checked the timetable. Erza's train was scheduled to arrive at a quarter to one. He'd asked Heidi to pack a couple of meals for her – enough to last the rest of the day. The train from Nyborg would take her to the border, where she'd take another train at around noon to reach Magnolia in the evening. A solid thirty hour stretch. Gray sighed.
We'll have to leave by eleven o' clock. It's seven-thirty now. Enough time to get ready. I'll hafta stop them by ten, though. Gonna hafta reach the station by one. Okay. Doable.
He nodded to himself and looked up. Erza was handily beating Luca at scrabble. Gray sipped his coffee.
Serves you right, ya little shit.
For two more hours, Gray let them have their fun. Heidi arrived in the meantime to drop off a lunch box. It was triple-decked, and Gray assumed that mother and daughter had packed in some extra.
At the end of their stipulated playtime, Gray rapped his knuckles lightly on Luca's head.
"Time's up," he told the boy. "Cut your losses and go freshen up if you wanna see her off at the station."
Luca whined. "Ten more minutes?"
"No."
"Five more minutes?"
"No."
"Auntie Erzaaa! See how mean he is?"
Erza smiled. "Five more minutes is fine."
"There, see?" Luca smirked up at Gray. "She said it's fine. You're overruled."
Gray shook his head. He wouldn't deprive them of that.
"Fine. Five more minutes." He glanced at the clock. "Actually, two hundred and eighty three seconds. Make 'em count."
"Aw, crap!"
It was enough for one game of chess, and Luca won it with half a minute on the clock.
"Yes!" he cried, throwing his fists in the air. "Hahaha! I got you! I finally got you! Oh, this is great!"
"Yes. Amazing." Gray rolled his eyes. "Now go take a bath."
The boy went, hands still raised in celebration. As he disappeared up the stairs, Gray turned to Erza.
"You shouldn't let him win," he said. "His head won't fit through doorways for the next month."
Laughing, she started putting away the pieces and dice. "Even in gambling you win once or twice. Helps morale."
"Yeah, well, he doesn't need it. And you don't need to do that. It's his games. He'll put 'em back."
"I played too. It's my responsibility as well."
Gray sighed. "You're all packed up, right?"
"Yes, Gray. Requip mage, remember?"
"Right, right."
With nothing more to say, Gray left the kitchen and let Erza do her thing. The day of the farewell was always the most awkward. Usually, he'd ask her when she would likely visit next. Make plans. Now, that seemed like a distant dream.
Gray made his way out onto the patio, let the darkness surround him. Fog obstructed the mountains from view. He peered blankly into the gloomy mist, but he couldn't see more than a few feet before him. Gloomy really was the word for it. Heavy. Burdensome. He smiled to himself.
Pelerorneg, he thought. The burden. Whatever system the tribe used for naming things, he couldn't fault their accuracy.
He felt her rather than heard her come. Almost as if the air around her moved differently. He watched her as she silently came and stood beside him, arms crossed over her chest. A faint smile played on her lips, and her hair fell over her right eye like a beautiful, wavy scythe. The sight of her alone made his breath hike, but Gray couldn't look away.
Even in the gloom, she was a spot of brightness. Sorely needed and deeply missed.
"Gray?"
"Hmm?"
"We have some time now."
"Yeah."
"Will you play me the song again?"
She turned her smile on him and, despite the gloom and cold, he felt his insides melt into mush. He could never say no to her. And for little things like this, there was no need to.
"Sure thing."
So, for the little time they had, Gray played her the song. It sounded a little different to his ears now. The music, like the mist, hung heavy in the air. It was more mournful than haunting, filled with earthly desire and longing. No less bewitching, but different to be sure.
Erza didn't say anything. She just lay on the deckchair with her eyes closed and her hands over her stomach, fingers drumming along to the tune. Luca came downstairs and stood at the threshold of the patio, not crossing over. Whether the music had created a cocoon just for the two of them, Gray didn't know, but he was glad.
When he stopped playing, Erza sighed slightly. She didn't open her eyes. "Is it time already?"
"It's eleven-twenty," Luca replied.
Gray rose to his feet and walked back inside. "Yeah. Might as well get a move on. I'd rather wait at the station than miss the train."
"He always does that, you know," Gray heard Luca tell Erza. "Goes and waits at the station for hours every time you come."
She laughed. Gray shook his head. That boy was getting out of hand. "Luca, go make a sleigh."
"Yes, sir!"
From a cabinet in his room, Gray picked out two glass bottles of mead and wrapped them up in a newspaper. As good a bag as any. He carried them to the kitchen and tucked them into the basket containing Erza's lunch and dinner.
"Mead?" Erza asked, watching him.
"Two bottles," he nodded. "One for you, one for Cana. A souvenir. Just make sure she doesn't drink it all in one go, okay?"
"I will."
"That goes for you, too."
"Yes, yes." She pursed her lips and gave him a once-over. "Shouldn't you get dressed instead of bossing everybody around?"
Gray shrugged. "Won't take long. I'll get changed before Luca finishes with the sleigh."
"I'm done!" called Luca from outside and Erza smirked, raising an eyebrow. Gray huffed, rolled his eyes and stalked into his room.
He'd already picked out what to wear the night before, so his work was half done. Black trousers, a navy blue shirt and his old, white coat. A familiar ensemble. When he emerged after spraying some perfume on himself, he found that Erza had requipped into her travel wear. She picked up the basket upon seeing him and nodded.
"Ready to go?"
"Yeah."
As soon as they stepped outside, Luca chastised them for taking too long. Erza laughed and went down the steps while Gray locked up the house. Then he looked the sleigh over and hummed. Luca waited expectantly.
"Well done," Gray said and the boy pumped his fist.
"It really is very well-made," Erza agreed as she took her seat, motioning Luca over. "You're better than Gray was at your age."
"Hah! You hear that, Gray?" Luca chortled as he settled in in front of Erza. "I'm better than you were."
Gray rolled his eyes as he stood on the runners. "Yeah, you're welcome, dumbass. Now get ready."
He gave them three seconds before he pushed off. The sleigh whooshed down the slope smoothly, and Gray squinted against the wind. It didn't take them long before coming to a stop at Huldsborg. The village was well awake, and most of them gathered around the inn to bid Titania farewell. Erza stepped off the sleigh to go talk to Helgi and Heidi. Gray got off the runners and rounded the sleigh. He came to the front just as Luca leapt out.
"You're gonna do it today, aren't you? You gonna propose?"
"Shaddap and let me concentrate."
He placed his palms together, knelt and placed them on the snow. Seven magical circles appeared on the ground, fanned out in front of the sleigh. As the circles started glowing, Gray closed his eyes.
Ice-make was about control. Giving shape. Giving life. Exactitude. To project an image in one's mind onto reality. Art at its most primal.
And when he opened his eyes and beheld his creation, he smiled to himself. Seven huskies, made of ice, stood around, shaking their bushy tails and sniffing the air. Gray held out his hand and they came, one by one, to sniff and lick. He patted each one on the head and got up.
"Make some harnesses," he told Luca, who shook his head.
"You're gonna have to start teaching me dynamic ice make soon."
"Master static first."
Grumbling under his breath, Luca went to work. Gray looked over at the inn and found Erza exchanging final hugs with Heidi. Get what you can, he thought. Gonna be a long time before you get any more.
After exchanging a few words, Erza waved at the girl and turned and walked back to the sleigh. Upon noticing the dogs, she chuckled and said, "Cute. Dynamic ice-make suits you."
Gray shrugged. His instruction had come to an abrupt halt upon Ul's passing. He'd taught himself the rest. The same went for dynamic ice-make.
Up yours, Lyon.
"It has its uses," he replied modestly but couldn't stop the smirk that spread over his face.
"Yeah, he makes blocks of ice and sends them grocery shopping."
"Shaddup."
Erza chuckled returned to her seat. "Did you name them?"
Gray stepped onto the runners. "Who?"
"The dogs."
"Hmm." Luca finished attaching the harnesses with chains of ice to the sleigh, gave him a nod, and sat down. Gray made the dogs go. "Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, La and Ti."
"You just made them up, didn't you?" Erza turned back and asked.
"I confess to nothing."
The road to Nyborg, though hilly, wasn't uncomfortable. Although not as fast as a magic vehicle, the dogs made pretty good time. Gray let them pull all the way to the station and glanced at the clock tower as he passed by. There was still a half hour to go from the scheduled arrival time of the train.
"Deserted as ever," he muttered as they entered. Besides them, there was only one other person – a middle-aged man – waiting for the train.
Erza hummed. "Stark contrast to Magnolia, isn't it?"
Magnolia station was always abuzz with activity. People and trains were coming and going all the time. It was like manoeuvring around a herd of wild buffaloes. Swearing, sweating buffaloes.
Gray grunted. "I like this better, thanks."
"I know."
Luca and Erza occupied one of the empty benches, but Gray refused. This close to the end, his stomach was in knots. His guts twisted every time there was an announcement on the loudspeaker.
Okay, Fullbuster, I know you hate this part, but you've gotta chill, he told himself as he paced back and forth. You knew this was coming. You knew. Now think about what you're gonna say.
He should have. He really should have. It wasn't like he didn't have time. Hearing Luca and Erza chatter away, laugh and joke around, he wished it was as easy for him.
Goodbye and good luck? No, too impersonal. Have a safe trip? Meh. I'll be waiting? God, no. Too... too much. How the hell do they make it so easy in radio dramas?!
The loudspeaker crackled and boomed out an announcement, making Gray jump. It said that the train was coming. Gray stopped and stared at the speaker. The train was coming, and in his effort to figure out what to say, he hadn't said a goddamn word.
"At least we're here at the right platform," Luca said and hopped off the bench. "Saves time."
"It always comes to this platform, Luca." Gray stared down the tracks, expecting it to show up on the horizon at any moment.
"It isn't late, either," Erza said, sounding pleased.
Gray hummed. He hated it.
"You look tense," Erza said. He looked over at her. Found her smiling. "I said you look tense. Is something the matter?"
"Yeah, Gray." Luca smirked. "Is something the matter? You can always talk to Aunt Erza if something's bothering you, y'know."
Gray squinted at the boy. Goddamn kid. He opened his mouth, quip ready to fly, but jumped upon hearing a bloodcurdling toot.
Erza rose to her feet. "The train's here."
And indeed it was. Gray turned towards the tracks and saw the engine making its way towards them from the horizon.
Only three days ago, Gray had been delighted at the sight. Now, it made him anxious. The train was here. Erza would be gone in five minutes. And he still had no idea what to say.
"C'mon, Aunty Erza," said Luca and grabbed Erza's hand. "Let's get you to your compartment!"
So saying, he led her to where her coach would stop. Gray followed in sullen silence. His heart wouldn't stop trying to jump into his throat. He sincerely hoped his breakfast wouldn't decide to come up for some air.
The train, smelling of coal and grease, slowly passed them by. Luca had stopped at the right spot, and when the train halted, he gave Erza a quick hug.
"I'll miss you," he told her. "Be safe out there, okay?"
Erza laughed. "I'll be fine, you need not worry." She tousled his hair. "You take care of Gray. He's harder to deal with than the pole, I'm sure."
Luca laughed and opened the carriage door for her. Then he looked back at Gray and stepped aside, making room. Erza's gaze immediately found his and her eyes softened slightly. Gray gulped.
Mouth. Open it. Spit words out. Words. Wiggling vocal chords. Go.
"Don't eat solid ice," he found himself saying. "And don't let other people eat it either." What're you saying? "Especially icicles. I know they're tempting, but they'll freeze your tongue to them and rip the skin right off when you try to pull it away."
Erza tilted her head, amused. "Uh-huh."
Gray scratched his cheek and looked away. "And make sure Natsu walks last. His body temperature might melt the ice." Chicken. "If he walks in front, there's a risk of other people falling into the crater he might create."
"Mhmm. Good point."
"You'll get almost twenty knot winds." Stop this. "They'll sweep your words away, so practice hand signals."
"I'll be sure to keep that in mind."
"And…" Just say something personal, you dumbass! "And…" Gray dragged his fingers through his hair and faced her. "And just… just…"
She was still smiling. The amusement in her eyes twinkled brightly and leaned in, all attention.
"Just…?" she prompted in a whisper and Gray chuckled.
"Just make sure you all come back without bits missing," he replied. "Be careful. Stay alert."
Erza nodded. While she was still smiling, he knew she wasn't being facetious. "We will be, Gray."
Okay, Fullbuster. You've wasted enough time. Now or never.
"I l-" he began but closed his mouth when the train's whistle rang out.
Erza smiled sadly. "You were saying?"
Oh, what's the point?
"I'll miss you," Gray told her and jerked his head toward the open door. "Time to go. Make us proud."
"Right," Erza said with a sigh as she latched onto the door handle and climbed up the steps. She stood on the doorway as the train jerked alive and waved. "You two take care. I'll see you when I get back."
With another rather aggressive toot, the train started to move. Gray felt his stomach flip again.
"Bring back souvenirs!" Luca called out. Erza laughed in response. She kept waving as the train carried her farther and farther away, until she, along with the train, became just a speck on the distant horizon. And then, she was gone from sight.
Gray put his hand on Luca's shoulder. Wordlessly, the boy turned and started walking. He knew all too well that the rest of the day would be gloomy. It was routine. Aunt Erza was important to him. This time around, the separation would be significantly more difficult.
On their way back, shrouded in silence, Gray wondered how to get Luca through it. He sat staring glumly at nothing in particular. Loud and confident as he was, he was still a child. He needed something to get his teeth into. As the ice dogs dashed through the snow, as the village came closer and closer, he came upon an idea.
"Take the day off," he told Luca as he stopped the sleigh at Huldsborg. The boy looked up at him. "Go. Take Heidi on a date or something. Spend some time with her."
"Gray, it's fine," Luca reassured him. "Really. I don't need-"
"You do. Take the day off. Relax." He paused. "You have a big quest waiting for you tomorrow."
Luca perked up. "I do? What is it?"
Gray raised his fingers to his lips and winked. "Tell ya later. Hop off. Have some fun for now. You won't get the chance for a while afterwards."
"Heh. Thanks, Gray." Luca got off. "You gonna be okay?"
"Yeah. I got some stuff to do." He waved off the boy's concern. "I'll be fine. You go have a good time."
As Luca walked off towards the inn, Gray urged the dogs to take him home. Once there, he told the lead dog to wait, melted the others, and went inside. He took a page from a notebook and hastily scribbled a few lines. Then he folded it, went out and made the dog hold it in its mouth.
"Take this letter to Ateh," he told the dog, which he'd been calling Do in his head. "Run straight to Pilip. He runs the butcher shop." He pressed his finger to Do's forehead, making it aware of its destination and charge. "Wait for a response. Now, go."
The frost construct took off without a complaint. Do was gone within moments. Gray stood at the front porch for a while. The dog would reach the village in a few hours. Waiting was the only thing left for him now, and Gray slowly went inside, closing the door after him.
He went into the kitchen, shrugging off his coat and draping it over the back of a chair. He made himself some coffee and sat down at the table. Only then did he realise how quiet the house was.
Gone was the laughter, gone the welcoming feeling of warmth and constant mirth. The house felt like a collection of walls. His own personal prison. Gray took a sip of the coffee and got up.
A thin veil of perfume still hung in Erza's room. Gray leaned against the doorframe, eyes closed, absorbing whatever little remained of her aura. Being a hopeless romantic wasn't a habit of his. He made it a rule to never fall that low. However, there were some exceptions. Sometimes.
Gray finished his coffee, looked through the room a final time, and turned away. As soon as he entered the patio, the gloom smacked into him. It was nauseating. Erza had mentioned how the darkness depressed her at times. For him, the darkness magnified it by a wide margin. Gray sighed and sat himself down. He pulled up his feet and placed his hands under his head.
He lay there, staring at the sky. There were no winds, no snows, no mountains glimmering in the distance. Only the dreary monotony of every day staring back.
Sometimes, he wondered what life would've been like had he never left Fiore. Things could've been very different for him. For her. For all of them, maybe, had he only given them a chance.
With a scoff, Gray turned on his side and closed his eyes. The only way to shut out the burden was to shut out everything else with it. He covered his ear and eyes and breathed slowly. It wouldn't get to him if he didn't allow it to. Or so he hoped.
He hoped.
A poke in the ribs startled him into wakefulness. Gray squirmed and turned back, bleary-eyed and yawning, at the offender. "What?"
"The dog," came Luca's voice. "It was sitting outside with a letter in its mouth. Can we keep him?"
It took a solid five seconds to process all that information. Gray sat up, running a hand through hair, and took the letter from Luca's hand. He hummed absently as he opened it.
"Is that a yes? Can we keep him?" Luca persisted.
"Did you just assume Do's gender?"
"Well, hey, you skipped out on making distinguishing marks, so."
Gray looked at him. "You took a peek?"
"I always do. Don't you?"
With a sigh, Gray returned to the letter. "Sometimes, I dunno where I get the patience to deal with you."
Luca plopped down beside him. "It's because you love me. What's the letter say?"
Gray read through it again. Just because he spoke the language didn't mean Luca could read it. When he was finished, he hummed again and folded it neatly.
The dog had made a round trip to Ateh and back. That was at least six hours. How had he slept that long? Was he really that tired?
"Your quest," he held up the folded letter, "has been approved."
"Oooh! What is it, what is it, tell me tell metellmetel-"
"The people over in Ateh live mostly off fishing. The sea is rough, so they teach their kids how to survive. Every fourteen-year-old there is taken to a remote island off the coast, given some basic supplies, and tasked with surviving for two days. They go in groups of four to promote teamwork." Gray pointed the letter at Luca. "And you are taking part in this."
"Huh. Feels more like an exercise than a quest, though."
"It is. It pays to know these things." Gray yawned. "If you do well, your reward is that they'll take you on a whaling expedition."
"I'll do it!" Luca leapt to his feet, arms thrust out skywards. "I've been waiting for this for years! Ahahahahaha! Yeah, baby! Wait till I tell Heidi! She'll be so-"
Gray tuned him out. If he really had slept for that long, it was surely evening. He sighed and got up. "Go and pack, first. We have to leave early tomorrow."
"Sir, yes, sir!" The boy saluted and sprinted out of the patio. Gray heard his steps as he ran up to the attic.
"Don't forget to take an extra set of socks!"
"Yes, mother!"
Snorting, Gray pocketed the letter. He looked out at the mountains, but the gloomy weather denied him the view. He smiled wanly. There would be no winning against the burden that day, it seemed.
Not that day, if ever.