They say I'm crazy, but I have a good time.
- Eagles, "Life's Been Good"
6
Being whacked across the face by a rolled up newspaper was not Gray's preferred method of waking up. Nowhere near close. But he could not dispute its effectiveness.
"The fuck…?" he muttered, rubbing his face. "Whawazzat for?"
"It's time," Luca replied and clicked on the radio. Gray yawned and thumbed the sand from his eyes. Before he could ask what it was time for, the radio answered him.
"…the moment of departure approaches," came the voice of the news anchor, speaking in rapidfire Fiorian. "In a few minutes, the 'Miraculous' will sail away, heading southward towards polar waters. A little farewell ceremony is now taking place. The Chairman of the Magic Council, Draculous Hyberion, has just presented a truly magnificent bouquet of flowers to Erza Scarlet, the expedition's leader…"
Gray stared at the radio. Luca sat down on the other deckchair and, wordlessly, handed him a plate. Boiled egg and buttered toast. It was the first thing he'd learnt to cook. That too, only recently.
The voyage had been all over every major news channel for the past month. He and Luca had followed the story very closely, just like people all over the continent – and even outside – had. Fairy Tail was a household name the world over. Meaning, the coverage was even more thorough than it would have been otherwise. Gray didn't mind. He'd rather enjoyed listening to all the interviews and talk shows. Hearing their voice was strange. Not being there with them was even stranger, somehow, though he knew he would never have agreed to sit down for as many interviews. Doing press seemed like a nightmare.
Beside him, Luca munched on his toast. The boy had been unable to shut up after his whaling expedition. Apparently, he'd played fetch with a whale. Far-fetched though it sounded, Gray was willing to believe it. Luca was his student, and half the shit he had done seemed unbelievable now. Even to him.
Looking out at the mountains, he recalled a few of his adventures. The Tower came to mind immediately. The Games. Avatar. Strange, but most of his best memories were, in some way, always tied to Erza. Though it seemed to him that a long time had passed, and it may as well have, some moments stood out to him as clear as day. That was the thing with memories – age only enriched them.
I wish time did that to me.
A month ago, he would have been jealous at being left behind by his former teammates. If only for a few days, he was jealous. Now, he was happy for them. He wished them success. He was even excited about the whole deal, though it was tempered by worry.
"…and here is Her Majesty, Queen Hisui E. Fiore with Erza Scarlet, handing over the flag to be planted atop the research station."
Gray snorted and closed his eyes. He could just picture Erza's face: she would be smiling with her brows drawn, gallantly trying to push down the stage fright. Wendy would be by her side through it all, ever the professional. Lucy would be busy keeping Natsu in line – who was frothing at the mouth to leave, he was sure. That would change once the ship started moving.
"What's so funny?" Luca asked.
"Nothing," he replied.
He listened to the commentary in silence. It was early morning. Very early morning. He'd slept out on the patio because his nerves hadn't allowed sleep to bag him while in bed. He'd reminisced a fair bit last night, too, under the moon's watchful gaze. Now, as he finished breakfast, as a thunderous toot rang from the distant harbour channelled through his radio, he felt those nerves return.
"The final moorings have been cast off… this is the moment of departure. The ship is moving slowly away from the quay. The 'Miraculous' has sailed… sailed away in pursuit of eternal glory."
He heard clapping. Whistling. Roaring. He pictured Erza and Lucy leaning over the handrails alongside other members of the crew, waving their handkerchiefs. Pictured Erza smiling, then turning away determinedly and walking up to the edge of the bow and looking out to sea. Her latest conquest. He smiled to himself.
"You have been listening to an eyewitness account of the departure of the polar research vessel 'Miraculous.' The programme was relayed through all networks across-"
Luca snapped it off. There was a slight crackle of static. Then silence. Gray assumed a lot of radio sets were turned off in that instant.
"So I guess that's that, huh," Luca said, sounding thoughtful. "I kinda expected another interview."
"Wanted to hear her voice again?"
"Yeah."
"Me, too." He reached out and ruffled Luca's hair. He didn't protest. Gray then stood up, holding his plate. "C'mon. Let's get a drink."
Luca raised his eyebrows. "You're offering an underage boy a drink at five in the morning."
"Ehh." Gray shrugged. "I'm bringin' out the good stuff. Your loss if you don't wanna join in."
The bait worked. By the time Gray had deposited his empty plate, cutlery and all, in the sink, Luca was sitting expectantly at the table. Gray smiled inwardly and brought out a bottle of whisky and two glasses. He poured in a mere thimbleful and slid it across the table to Luca. The boy peered into the glass, then hummed.
"Ice dilutes the flavour, if you're wondering," Gray said as he filled his own glass. "Serving it right outta the bottle is called 'neat.'"
"Nah, I was just tryna smell it."
Gray shook his head. Then he held up his glass. "To Erza."
"And to her team," Luca added, clinking the glasses. "May they come back safe and sound and soon – with lotsa chocolates."
This was rather unexpected, and Gray held the glass midway to his lips. Luca seemed relaxed enough, though drinking raw whisky made him pull a face. Gray smiled and drank. If Luca felt that way of his own volition, that was the best thing imaginable. He would bring it up someday, but not anytime soon.
"Yeah. Same," he muttered under his breath.
"Gray?"
"Hmm?"
"Have you ever been to the North Pole? I know you've never gone south, but did your adventures ever take you north?"
Luca was still holding his glass, so Gray poured him another drink and sat down on the corner of the table. It was a sudden question. Luca's wanderlust had been stoked by the whaling trip. He wanted to know more and more everyday about the rest of the world.
"Yeah," Gray replied. "I've been there."
"Really?!" Luca immediately downed his drink and leant forward on his elbows. "What was it like? Tell me tell me tell me tel-"
"It was cold," Gray interrupted him, smiling. "Really fuckin' cold."
"Boo! Details! Did you go there to set up camps, too?"
Gray shook his head. "You can't. The ice shelf of the North Pole is just ice floating on the ocean water. It moves around with currents. It's impossible to build anything permanent there. After a few months, it'd drift out to sea."
"Then where'd you stay? Who'd you go with? What'd you do?"
"I went there with Lyon and we made igloos to live in. We did drift around with the ice a bit, but it was nothing serious. Kinda fun actually. And we went there basically on holiday."
Luca raised his eyebrows again. "You went to the North Pole… on vacation?" he asked sceptically.
"Where else would ice mages go?" Gray returned, amused. "Do the hula in the tropics? No, we figured it'd be a nice place to visit. And it was amazing. Pretty magical, once you get used to the barren nothingness."
"You take pictures?"
"Sadly, no. We didn't take any equipment like that. And don't ask me to describe. I ain't that good with words. Won't do it justice." Luca sighed. "But, there are a number of books on the topic. There's a very good one, actually, that has tonsa pictures in it. It's the one I read before deciding to go there."
"D'you have it?"
"No. Haven't read it in years. I borrowed it from a library a long time ago." Gray stared into his glass. "Say, you got any plans today?"
"Today? Let's see…" The boy leaned back, and his eyes rolled up in thought. Gray finished his drink. "Nothing for today, no. Kept the day clear because of… y'know..." he trailed off, jerking his thumb over his shoulder towards the radio.
"Mmm. In that case, we'll go down to Nyborg after breakfast. See if we can find that book."
"Yay!"
"You have to promise to read it, though. I'm not buying it if you're just gonna ogle the pictures and never touch it again."
"I promise, I promise."
Despite his proclamations, Luca really wasn't much of a reader. Not that Gray was avid or anything, but he had collected a fair few interesting – to him, at least – books over the years. His shelf had tomes about geography, history, travel, fiction of all flavours, and even comic books. Luca had only flipped through the last category. Gray wasn't hopeful he'd read this one either, but he wanted the book for himself, too.
Now although Luca didn't read, he rather liked being inside bookstores. At least, he ran around like he did. He picked up one book, then another, and another. He was like a bee, bent on infecting an orchard. Gray let him. He was sure the boy wouldn't get lost in a bookshop. Or hadn't. Yet.
Literature Hut was Nyborg's largest bookshop. Gray made it a point to visit once or twice every month. They stocked the latest periodicals from the world over, and he liked browsing through them. As a bonus, they played music in the background and provided chairs for people to sit and read. Many an afternoon he'd spent doing just that. It was rather peaceful, though the staff sometimes gave him the stink-eye for never buying anything.
This time, it would be different.
He hailed one of the clerks and asked for the book in question. She said she would have to check their database, and asked him to kindly wait. So he drifted around the shop, keeping an eye on Luca's whereabouts. He went towards the periodical stand and found that all of them had a featured article about the South Pole voyage. Even the ones about fashion had some models posing in snow gear.
Jeez.
It amused him, how the world had suddenly united for this one thing. Rather, to capitalise on it. Pretty soon, he was sure there'd be t-shirts. And Luca would get himself one.
"Sir?"
It was the clerk. From the apologetic smile on her face, he knew they didn't have it.
"The book you asked for has been out of print for the last two years," she told him. "I'm sorry."
Gray shook his head. "That's okay. I was afraid this might happen."
"However, if you want, we could order a copy?" she offered. "Many unsold copies are given to other distributors and, since the author is a local, I'm confident someone has a copy."
"That'd be great."
"If you could leave your name and number, sir, we'll get back to you as soon as we have news."
That's that, he thought as he turned away from the attendant and walked up to Luca. Now we wait.
"Did you know they made comics about Auntie Erza's adventures?" Luca asked him, holding up a copy. The Adventures of Titania was a well-loved and rather famous title. Gray took it and flipped through it. "It's the seventh instalment in the series."
"Yeah, I know. They started making these when I was still there." He returned the book. "Her clothes have gotten skimpier over the years."
"Right? It's the only reason I don't buy 'em."
"Find anything else ya like?"
"Still looking. What about your book?"
Gray told him the long and short of it. Luca nodded. "They'll find you one."
"Yeah?"
"I'm sure they will. Give 'em time."
It took some time – two weeks, to be precise – but Luca's words came true. The call came sometime after lunch, and Gray had to turn down the news to talk properly. No, he didn't mind that the copy was old and the pages were yellowed. No, he would not mind the discount. Yes, he knew that delivery charges were extra. Yes, three days was fine.
He hung up and turned up the radio again.
"…the Igmundsson Sea, where the 'Miraculous' will return with the scientists from all the camps. It's the twilight of summer in the southern hemisphere, and nobody is equipped to deal with the harsh winter. That is about to change as a result of this latest expedition, and we have joining us at this time, the leader of the expedition herself. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Erza Scarlet, coming to you live via radio from the South Pole. Miss Scarlet, thank you for your time."
"The pleasure is all mine."
Gray leaned in as soon as he heard her voice, arms folded on the table, smiling.
"First and foremost, Miss Scarlet, the world wants to know – how was your journey?"
A laugh. Sincere. Gray sighed in relief.
"All things considered, we had a good trip. The storms were nothing to scoff at. Our dragon slayers had a rough time, but we had trained for this. We made good time, and we plan on spending the morning unloading our cargo and helping the researchers load theirs. There are plans for a farewell barbecue on the ice sometime in the afternoon."
"It's been a month and a half since you set sail. Before that, you spent two years preparing. That's a long time to anticipate and imagine. Tell us, now that you're there, does the South Pole live up to what you expected it to be?"
"That… is a very good question." Gray nodded. On the radio, Erza stayed silent for a few seconds. "It is… difficult to describe. For training, we had to go to the North Pole and get acclimatised to sub-zero climates. But this is unlike anything we could have anticipated. If I walk out to the deck now, all I'll see is a carpet of white stretched out before me. The sea all around is littered with icebergs and floes. The dark blue peeks out sometimes. In the distance, you can roughly make out a great mountain range, the peaks glistening in the sunlight. It's a vast, vast continent. Not even standing before Acnologia did I ever feel so humbled."
"What was it like when you first sighted the ice? Were you excited?"
"Oh, yes. I was very excited. I had trained for this for a long time, and it always feels good when your object is in sight."
It was a half hour segment and the last five minutes were for people who had called in to the programme to talk to Erza. Gray couldn't stop grinning when the first two callers proclaimed their love for her and wished her well in the same breath. He could clearly imagine the blush on her face from her stuttered responses. It was cute.
The third caller thanked her for her service and had a question about mapping the pole. Erza's reply was diplomatic, saying that she was there to do her job and she would map however much she could. He could tell from her tone that she wasn't satisfied and wanted to do more than her job. He knew that tone very well.
Typical.
"And now for our last caller," said the host. "Tell us your name and where you're from, please."
"Yo, Auntie Erza! Does this thing work? Can you hear? This is Luca Brizzolera calling from Huldsborg, Isvan, and boy have I missed you!"
Gray stared at the radio for a long, long time. Erza, however, responded in a fraction of a second.
"Luca!" She sounded relieved and happy in equal measure. "It's so good to hear from you! How are you?"
"I'm great. Been waiting two hours on the line, though. Dude before me hadta go take a shower, I think, so here I am. How about you? How's everything? When're you coming back?"
Gray dragged his palm down his face.
"At least a year, Luca. Summer is ending here, and we have to sit through eight months of winter before we can even get started on our work. But I'll come see you as soon as we're done. And I'll bring you all the chocolates you can eat."
"Heh. Good. But stay safe, okay? Gray misses you somethin' terrible."
Oh for fuck's sake.
"I will. You take care too, and watch over Gray. Tell him I miss him, too."
"Oh, he's listening right now."
"Ah, yes. He would be." A chuckle. "I hope you are well, Gray. Take care."
"Unfortunately, that's all the time we have," the host interrupted, sounding both amused and apologetic. "We want to be very respectful of all you have to do, Miss Scarlet, and we wish you all the luck."
"Thank you very much."
Gray switched the radio off and sat back. He felt the heat in his cheeks and cursed Luca under his breath. The brat had gone down to the village, saying he had a date. He made a note to beat the shit out of him the next time they sparred.
Still, it was good to hear her voice. Better yet hearing her say his name again. Nobody in Magnolia, at least, would have any doubt as to who this Gray person was, even if the tabloids made a huge deal out of it.
He stretched his back and got up to make some coffee. It was what kept him going through the day, most of the time. He had just brought out the beans when the phone rang. When he picked up, Luca pretty much shouted his ear off.
"Did'ja hear, did'ja hear?"
"Yes, Luca. I heard."
"She's worried about you! Innit cute? I think it's cute. Anyway, can you skid down here sometime soon-ish? There's a quest request here from-"
"Read it to me," he told the boy and put the phone on loudspeaker. This wasn't something that needed to stop his coffee making. "I'm all ears."
"Sure. Hold on a sec. 'To whom it may concern,' duh duh duh, blah blah blah. Oh, here we go. 'A dumbass lover boy can't tell the girl he really super-duper likes how he feels. Help.'"
Gray hung up.
The months started bleeding into one another, as they always did, and soon, summer was upon them. Gray woke up every day, grateful for the sun. That morning, Gray parted the heavy curtains and stood in the sunlight. It was four in the morning, but it looked like a crisp afternoon. As crisp as Isvali afternoons could get, anyway.
Although the light managed to lift his spirits, Gray wasn't totally at ease. Every day was a grim reminder that Erza and the others were spending their days in eternal darkness. They sometimes held radio interviews, letting the world know what they were doing to pass the time, and he made sure to tune in to every broadcast.
Most of his time, he spent thinking how they were doing. The broadcasts, he knew, were disingenuous. No nation would allow itself to look weak on live radio. Erza would never say that something was wrong. If anything, she would report to FT headquarters in Magnolia. For weeks, he'd contemplated calling Cana for the inside scoop but thought better of it. Still, he couldn't get the thought out of his head. He wasn't worried, though. If they had to pull out, they would have tried. Erza was not one for making her team suffer insurmountable odds.
They're doing okay, he told himself as he finished his morning workout. I sure ass hope so.
He found Luca sitting at the table, flipping through a book when he came out of the gym room. Upon closer inspection, he saw that it was the book about the North Pole. Luca had read it front to back at least thrice. It was the only book Gray had ever seen him read.
"You tryna memorise that, or what?"
"Hey, if I'ma follow your footsteps and go up there, I need facts and knowledge!"
Gray ruffled his hair as he passed. "Don't eat the pages."
"Hey!"
He quickly dealt with his morning toilet, bathed and shaved. As soon as Gray came out to make breakfast, Luca said, "D'you think there're dragons in the South Pole?"
"Dunno."
"What about, like, a lost city hidden under all the snow?"
"Dunno."
"Says here that the South Pole's an entire continent that's just frozen. Ya don't think there's any chance of lost civilisations and cultures and treasures and stuff?"
"Hmmm." Gray cracked the eggs for omelettes. "Dunno."
"You're no fun at all!"
Gray laughed. "Maybe you'll find one someday. If you're interested in the whole exploration gig."
"I am. I seriously am. Say, Gray. The author's a local, right?"
"Yeah."
"Why don't we get this book signed?"
"Like it that much, huh?"
"Yep. So, can we? Maybe contact the publisher or something?"
Sighing, Gray placed an omelette on a plate and served Luca. He took the book from the boy as Luca dug in and flipped over to the back. There, on the back flap of the dust jacket, was a short biographical piece about the authoress, along with a picture.
Mika Simmons, a marine biologist, grew up in the aboriginal reservation of Ateh. After getting her degree, she moved to Bergstad as a full-time researcher. When not nose deep in science, she travels with her fiancé and stuffs her face with all kinds of food.
Beyond the North Wind is her debut book.
The picture captured a youthful face — longish, dark brown hair curling around her chin, eyes half shut and nose crinkled from the huge smile she wore. She looked so happy that Gray had to smile. Getting published must have been a high point for her.
He was aware of Luca's chatter, but he heard it without really hearing it. Ever since its arrival, the books had hardly left Luca's grasp. This was the first time Gray had touched it.
"Mind if I read it?" he asked, interrupting whatever Luca was saying. "It's been years."
"Oh. Yeah, sure. But like I was saying-"
Gray sat across from him and tuned him out. He flipped through the book again. Then snapped it shut.
"I wish you would tell me in advance when you visit," Emilie said with a sigh. "I would have prepared something special."
The woman was sitting in a rocking chair in her front porch, feeding birds rice. She threw out the grains and they danced about the porch, plucking them up with their tiny beaks. Gray stood beside her, hands in pockets. He smiled.
"I don't come here to eat, you know."
"I wish you would. Where is the boy? Did you bring him?"
"No. It's his birthday. He's on a date." Gray hummed. "Might get up to some hanky-panky today, so I left him the house."
"Did you get him something?"
"Yeah. A book on how to have responsible sex and a box of condoms."
Emilie snorted. "Really?"
"No. I got him a book about Igmundsson's first polar expedition. Luca's been into that whole thing for a while. And a box of condoms."
Laughing quietly lest the birds fly off, Emilie shook her head. "Very generous. I'm glad you're so permissive."
"Ehh. You can't tell kids not to do something, especially if it's something that feels good. They'll always find a way. I'd rather he doesn't sneak around about it."
"Shouldn't you be with him? It is his birthday."
"We've never spent our birthdays together. It's an unspoken law, I guess. It's…" he sighed. "It's too much."
Emilie hummed, but said nothing. Gray shrugged off his backpack and carefully brought out Beyond the North Wind. He held it in front of the old woman.
"Here. Look what I found."
"A book? Wait, let me put on my glasses. My eyes aren't what they used to be…" she trailed off, setting the bowl of rice down on the floor. Her glasses hung from a lanyard that went around her neck. When she put them on, Emilie blinked a few times and squinted at the book. She read the title, then sighed and handed it back. "I have it in Isvali, you know. We were all very, very proud of her."
"Luca wants a signed copy."
"You haven't told him?"
Gray shook his head and stuffed the book back into his pack. "Not yet, but I will. It's about time. He's been driving me nuts about it for weeks."
"He can have mine."
"No. It's all right. He's just really excited about being an explorer right now."
"The polar excursion impressed him."
"Definitely. Plus, he's really fond of Erza. When someone you're close to does something inspiring, you can't help but be impressed, you know?"
"Mhmm. Charming girl. I've been following the news. They start working when it's summer for them?"
"Yeah. Funny how the world works, huh? Here, it's summer. There it's winter. It's simple – just a change of seasons, but it's so… amazing. I've seen magical miracles by the hundreds, but the natural world still stumps me at times."
Emilie chuckled and took off her glasses. She went back to feeding the birds. "Mika often said the same thing growing up. It's no surprise she had the courage to venture out." She glanced at Gray. "You should consider moving here. I don't like you living all by yourself on a mountaintop. You're a man, Gray. Not a dragon. You should be around people." A pause. "Your own people."
Gray took a deep breath. "You already know what I'll say."
"And you know I'll keep asking you because I don't want you to be alone."
"I know."
"And you shouldn't leave the boy alone, either. You should go back. The trouble of having only one other person living with you is that it's hard dealing with things when they're not around. It's not only you I worry about."
Though he recognised the truth in Emilie's words, it annoyed Gray to have it pointed out to him. That he had no counter argument made it worse. He was merely Luca's teacher, not his father. Then again, both of his masters had always treated their students like their own children. Was it that he just hadn't developed that way?
"I'm retiring soon," Emilie filled the silence, throwing a handful of rice at the birds. Gray looked at her. "My eyes aren't getting any better, and my grandson is good enough to keep the business alive."
"Are you taking a managerial position, then?"
"You could say that." She laughed. "Nothing stays the same, Gray. I've made the most of my time. Will you?"
He hated that he had no answer. But he did let Emilie convince him to go back after lunch. It was bizarre, really. Back in Fiore, he'd kept his birthday completely under wraps. He wasn't very big on celebrations. Didn't stop the others from dragging him in, though. And he actually did have a good time, most of the time. Luca, ever since they'd moved, had been celebrating all the things worth celebrating either with the same people or all alone. The villagers in Huldsborg liked him well enough, but there really weren't many kids his age that he could bond with. Neither were there any other mages.
Gray blew a breath out of his nose. Perhaps he would have to consider Emilie's offer while putting Luca's needs first.
Evening had fallen by the time Gray made it up the slope. The house was dark. Had been for as long as it was in view. If Heidi was there with Luca…. well, it made sense for it to be dark. He stood in front of the door, unsure of how to handle it all. He didn't want to intrude upon their privacy, and he really had no excuse to be back.
In the end, he decided to make it up as he went along. Gray entered stealthily, trying to make the least noise possible. Unsurprisingly, the inside was dark and unlit. Surprisingly, all was quiet. He shut the door and stepped inside, ears strained, but the only noise he picked up on was the rustling of his own clothes.
Hmmm.
The patio was empty. So were the rooms on the ground floor. All the while he searched, Gray heard nothing at all to indicate that Luca was even in the house. The boy's boots were on the shoe rack, so he hadn't gone outside. What was he doing?
Anxiety building, Gray silently started up the stairs to the attic. It was rare now that he made the pilgrimage to Luca's Lair, but he had to check.
He didn't have to go far, though, for he found the boy sitting on one of the steps, a blanket wrapped all around him and rocking to and fro. Gray stopped dead on the landing, perplexed at this odd sight. He hesitated, wanting to call out, but Luca noticed him before he could.
"You startled me," the boy said, his voice heavy. "Why're you back early?"
"What're you doing?" Gray asked instead, cautiously. "Thought you'd be… celebrating."
"Oh, I am! I was pretending to be a ghost, haha!" A sniffle. "Y'know! Livin' it up!"
"Luca?" Gray took a step closer to the boy, and was slightly relieved when he didn't flinch away. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine! Why wouldn't I be?"
"Because you're crying."
At that, Luca lowered his face and pinched his temples, hiding his eyes. He said nothing. Gray took a breath and set his backpack down. He went and sat down beside his student, who made no effort to disguise the tears rolling down his face.
Luca cried silently. He didn't sob or gasp or shudder. He sat and wiped his face, his breathing hitching from time to time, but stable otherwise. Gray sat with him and let him cry himself out. Once Luca calmed down enough, he took a few deep breaths and sat up straight. Gray hummed.
"Let's go down," he said. "Get some water. Yeah?"
With a nod, Luca pulled the blanket tighter around himself and stood. Gray picked up his backpack and led the boy to the kitchen table. When he was seated, Gray gave him a glass of water. Then another. Only when Luca had finished drinking did Gray pull up a chair and sit with him.
"What happened?" he asked.
Luca shrugged. "I miss Mom."
"Ahh." Gray nodded. There really wasn't much else he could do. "If you wanted me to stay-"
"No." Luca shook his head. "Gray, don't worry about it. I just need to be by myself to be sad sometimes. I'll be good in the morning."
It was such a mature response that Gray sat wondering what to even say to that. This kid, at sixteen, had double the emotional intelligence that he'd had at the same age. And that, Gray knew, was something that he hadn't taught.
"You miss her a lot?" he asked instead and Luca smiled slightly.
"On some days, yeah. My birthday, her birthday, her deathday. Some holidays. Y'know."
"Yeah. I do know." Gray sighed. "You spend all your birthdays like this?"
"Empty house. Might as well. Sorry you hadta see that, Gray. Didn't think you'd be back so early."
Gray waved it off. "You did nothing to apologise for. Honestly, I'm proud of you."
Luca raised an eyebrow. "For crying?"
"Yes." Gray sat silently for a moment, drumming his fingertips upon the tabletop and thinking how best to broach this topic. "I guess… everyone needs to feel sad. Ya can't escape it. Bottle it up, and you explode. Forgetting it is impossible, so the best way to do it is to let yourself grieve in a healthy manner, y'know?" He looked and found Luca nodding. "Ya gotta let it flow through you, hafta feel every bit of it before letting it go for good."
"I can't do that around you or Heidi. Mom used to say that the worst thing you can do to a sad person is to try to make them feel better. They deserve to feel bad. It's healthy, she said." He smiled and tipped his head at Gray. "Thanks for not trying to stop me."
Gray nodded, swallowing and clearing his throat. "Your mother was a very wise woman," he said fondly, reaching out and patting Luca on the head. He didn't resist. "And I think she'd be proud of how well you turned out. She did a good job raising you."
"You think so? You think she's proud?"
Looking at the boy's face, reading the guarded hope in his eyes, Gray couldn't bring himself to be patronising. Luca didn't need comfort. He needed truth. He wanted his teacher's honest opinion. So Gray gave him just that.
"I know I am." He smiled. Then he reached into his backpack and brought out the book. Set it down in front of Luca. "I decided to go to the North Pole after I read this book."
"I do, too."
"I know." He paused. Stared down at the cover. "It was written by my mother."
Luca looked at him but didn't say anything. Gray took a deep breath.
"She was stationed at Bergstad. Researcher. Marine biologist. My dad was there as security, or so I'm told. To protect and look after the scientists. Then Deliora happened and that's that." He tapped the book. "This is the only connection I have with her. I don't remember her, y'know. Not even her face. So I wanted to go to the North Pole. See what she had. Understand what made her tick a little bit."
"I understand."
"Yeah. And every year, on the anniversary of her death, I go to Bergstad. To our old house. Meditate, I guess." He paused. "You can't do that. I've taken you far, far away from where you belong and imprisoned you on top of a godforsaken mountain. Never gave you a chance to get proper closure."
"Gray-"
He raised his hand to stop Luca. "You deserve better, is what I'm saying. Just because I'm here and like it doesn't mean I have the right to make you go through the same thing."
"Would ya quit being a dumb-dumb for a moment?" Luca frowned. "Did I ever complain? Have I ever told you that I wanna get outta here? That I don't like it here?"
Gray shook his head.
"Exactly. That's because I don't want to go back, Gray. There is nothing to go back to." He clenched his fists on the table and took a deep breath. "I have a damn good life here. You, Heidi, everyone else. I have more here than I do there. This is the best mountain I've ever been on."
Gray didn't say anything. Luca leant back against the chair. Closed his eyes.
"I just wish I could travel more, is all. You were going all over the place, doing gods know what. I want that kinda adventure too."
"Hmmm." Gray marvelled at the boy, at a loss for words. Sometimes, he compared Luca's development to his own, and, every time, he felt satisfied in his inferiority. Maturity, wisdom, emotional intelligence — Luca had him beat on every count. He wanted to think that it was all his teaching, that he'd done a good job, but knew that wasn't the case. He smiled to himself. "Like I said, your mother did a good job raising you."
"I guess. Which is why I miss her."
"You know it's okay, right?" Luca opened his eyes. Looked at him. "You know it's okay to feel sad, but do you know it's okay for people you care about to see you cry? That you don't hafta keep it a secret and do it in hiding?"
"I dunno…" Luca shifted uneasily in his chair. "You've got enough going on. I don't want you to worry about this on top of everything else."
"And I appreciate it, but you gotta understand something." Gray grinned. "I'll worry about you even when you have a full beard. I'll worry when you have a wife and kids. And I'll worry when I'm old and grey." He got up and knelt before the boy. Took his hands in his. "I care. And I'll worry. And I want to be someone who you can count on when you feel this way. I know you're tired of hearing this, but I have been where you're at now. I might be able to help." He paused and nodded. "You're not alone. And you're not a burden. You ever hear me call you that?"
"No."
"Then stop being a dumb-dumb, yeah?"
Luca chuckled. "I can try, I guess. Gonna be weird though."
"Oh, it will be. But it'll also be worth it."
"On one condition, then?"
"Yeah? What is it?"
"That you count on me, too. It's unfair to ask me to do that if you're just gonna go and be sad on your own."
Gray snorted. The cheek on this kid. Not that he didn't have a point. Far from it. But still. It touched him that this would mean so much to Luca. Plus, Gray felt like he owed it to him. Set a better standard. A better example. How could he expect different when he himself didn't try it?
He squeezed the boy's hands in his own. Nodded and smiled.
"Deal," he promised.
"Okay, so the first thing you gotta remember when you're on top is that you have the advantage. As long as you're mounted, you can control the flow of the fight," Gray explained, with Luca seated on his stomach. "You have my hands pinned to my chest, you're gripping them by the pinky. I can't tear them away. It's a good hold. But there are drawbacks too. Can you tell me what they are?"
"Well, my hands are tied," Luca replied after some thought. "I can't offend you unless I change position."
"Very good. When it comes to ground and pound, position is everything. Just 'cause you're on top doesn't mean you'll stay there." Gray jerked up his hips and stomach, throwing Luca off balance and sending him sprawling forwards. Gray caught him. "Because you sat on my stomach, I can do that. Don't give me that chance. Sit on my chest." Luca nodded and did so. Gray jerked his hips up, but this time nobody was home. He grinned. "Now you're in a secure enough position. In a regular fight, you wouldn't have to worry about my hands because I don't have enough room to wind up and throw hammerfists or chops."
"Right."
"I can, however, do this."
Gray brought up a glowing palm, an ice dagger half-formed, and aimed it at Luca's throat. However, the boy, having his hands nearer to his face, beat him to it.
"Get there first," Luca said, holding the ice blade to Gray's throat. "Hitting first is better than hitting often. Remember?"
Laughing, Gray let his weapon melt and held up his hands. "Good job. You want to force a submission. Make them accept defeat willingly. Breaks their spirit to keep fighting."
"What if they don't wanna submit?" Luca asked, getting up and holding out his hand. "What if they're too stupid to see they've got no chance?"
"Then fuck 'em." Gray took Luca's hand and let the boy pull him up to a seated position. "Not your responsibility. You take 'em out and secure your own safety. That's the most important thing."
He could tell from Luca's silence that the boy didn't like that answer. Tough shit, Gray thought, pushing himself to his feet. Can't save everybody.
"That's enough for today," he said, walking over to the bench, picking up a towel and throwing it at Luca. "Go, take a bath. I'll make food."
"Sure. See ya in a bit!"
The prospect of food always worked. Gray laughed. Then, towel slung over his shoulders, he walked into his room. Picked up his phone. Dialled in a number. A sappy caller tune greeted him and he held the phone between his cheek and shoulder, whisking a couple of eggs together. An old, operatic ballad. It'd been a long time since Gray had heard it, and he mouthed along silently to the lyrics.
A loud click cut the song short. Then: "It's four in the fucking morning, you stupid bastard."
Gray grinned. "'Sup, bitch? Sleeping?"
"Actually, no," Lyon replied. "I was watching the news. Is that what you called to talk about?"
"Huh? No. Why, what happened?"
"The South Pole crew have started work on the research station."
Gray stopped whisking. "What the fuck? It's dead ass in the middle of winter!"
"I know. Apparently, they held a vote. And now they're doing it." A chuckle. "Typical."
"Yeah. Typical, all right." Gray shook his head. "They send a transmission?"
"Coupla hours ago. Every news station has been calling them 'the Ice Brigade.' That, and 'the Chosen Frozen.' It's trending, apparently."
"Not surprised." Gray thought for a while. "You knew they'd do this, didn't you? You're one of their mission directors, right?"
"One of," Lyon responded with a huff. "Wouldn't be doing this on my watch."
"You won't tell me if I ask who authorised this."
"No. But I think you don't have to guess more than once."
Gray sighed. Out on the field, it was the team leader's decision that mattered. Whoever was on the radio with them could only advise. If Erza had decided to speed things along, there was literally nothing anyone could do about it.
"You're right about that."
"I know. Anyway, if not that, what'd you call for?"
"It's about the kid." Gray chopped up some chillies, onions and tomatoes and mixed it with the eggs. "He needs some real-world experience."
"Uh-huh."
"Could you perhaps give him an internship or something? At Lamia Scale?"
A pause. "Not even considering anyone else, huh?"
"Nope. Plus, he's gotten really good with static ice make. In a few months, he'll have peaked. He needs experience now. Quests. Apply what he knows and make real-time decisions. Not much scope of that happening here."
"You talk it out with him? Ask him if he's ready to come back to Fiore?"
"We've spoken about it here and there. He's not entirely sure he wants to leave," Gray admitted. "But he can't just stay here. He's gotta go where the work is. See the world."
"Nah, I get it. Tell you what, whenever he's ready, I've got a spot waiting for him."
"Thanks. That's good to know."
"Anytime. Anyway, how're things with you? Still bent on being an ascetic?"
Gray laughed and fetched the bread. "Pretty much, yeah. Just makin' eggy toast. What about you? How's the wife?"
"It's good. Work keeps us away from each other a lot of the time, but, y'know." Gray could just picture Lyon shrugging. "We've been talking about starting a family."
"Wait, what?" Grinning, Gray put aside his utensils and held the phone properly. "Fuck off! Really?"
"Yeah. Just, y'know, nothing definite yet but we're thinking about it."
"Dude, that's a really big decision to make." He closed his eyes and nodded. "And I'm really proud of you. Both of you."
"Thanks, man. Coming from you, that really does mean a lot." Lyon cleared his throat. "So, is me having a kid what it's gonna take for you to get your ass down here again?"
"Heh. Maybe. Luca, turn on the radio for me?" Gray told the boy who had just come out of the bathroom. "Apparently Erza already started work on the research station."
"The fuck? But it's winter!"
"That's what I said." Gray chuckled. "Okay, Lyon. Imma let you go. Have fun with the TV. I have a kid to deal with now, so I'll talk to you later?"
"Absolutely. You guys have a good day, and don't pester Luca too much about leaving, yeah?"
"Will do. Bye." Gray disconnected the call and pocketed the phone. "Anything on the local news?"
"Just a summary," Luca replied, turning up the volume now that the call was over. "But still, I don't like this. They just had another month to go! Couldn't they have waited?"
"Well, it is Erza."
"Exactly why I'm worried." The boy looked at him. Caught his eye. "Aren't you?"
For a moment, Gray didn't reply. What would he say? He'd seen Erza pull off amazing feats in the face of extraordinary odds. Her tenacity when pursuing success was unnatural. But so was her impatience. This, however, bordered dangerously close to recklessness, not something he'd expect from a mature, level head like Erza.
Then again, he wasn't there. He didn't know the conditions first hand. Maybe it wasn't so bad. With Natsu, they could negate being cold pretty effectively. If they took breaks frequently, then maybe they could do some simple work. He hoped that was all they were doing. Having been at Fairy Tail, however, stopped him from being that optimistic.
So he glanced from Luca to the radio, the bringer of the news, and said, "I'm fuckin' terrified."