I'm going back in time and it's a sweet dream.
- Eagles, "Best of My Love"
8
"I'm going with you, right?"
Gray, stuffing clothes into a rucksack, didn't even spare Luca a glance. "Absolutely not."
"But why not?"
"Too dangerous. You're not prepared to deal with something like that."
"How do you expect me to be prepared if you won't give me a chance to experience!" When Gray didn't respond, Luca leaned in and grabbed his hands. "Hey. Look at me."
Gray, however, was not in the mood for these games. "Luca, move your hands. I need to pack."
"Y'know what, screw you, okay? If you're going, I'm coming with you. You wanted me to get world experience? Well, this is just that!"
"It's Fairy Tail," Gray sighed angrily. "You really wanna save them?"
"I don't give a fuck who they are." Luca returned. "I love Auntie Erza, and if I can do even one thing to help her, then I will do it. You're not the only one affected by this, Gray."
Gray glared at Luca, but the boy didn't back down. If anything, his stance solidified.
"I haven't forgiven Fairy Tail," Luca told him, his usually pleasant tone coloured by muffled fury. "But I don't have to in order to save them. They're people and you taught me to look past hatred." He glanced at him. "Right?"
Gray looked down at the rucksack. At all the items strewn about the bed, waiting to be packed. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Let a few moments pass. Exhaled. Placed his hands on his hips and relaxed his shoulders.
"Besides, if I'm gonna do an internship, I'd much rather do it with you." Luca sounded calmer. Probably doing breathing exercises too. "I want it to be with you. Show you that you didn't make a mistake taking me on as a student. And I wanna save Auntie Erza. And see the world a bit." A chuckle. "Bound to look good on the résumé, too."
Gray snorted and shook his head, but didn't say anything.
Luca went on: "Besides, going alone to the South Pole is madness. Two ice mages stand a better chance than one."
"Okay, here's a lesson." Gray pointed at Luca. "Know when to stop selling. Overselling turns the customer off."
"When did you turn into an ad agency?"
"You'll hafta be, as well. Soon as you make the news, you'll be your own brand. I'll hafta teach you how to talk to the media." Gray sighed. "God damn it."
"Sooooo...?"
"Luca, you have no polar experience. Screw that, you have no experience with high stakes situations in general. Jumping into the deep end is not the best way to learn." Luca frowned. Gray sighed again. "But-"
"Oh, fuck yes."
"If you really wanna do this, you do what I say, when I say it, exactly how I say it. We'll be a two-man team, but it's not an equal partnership. You're learning on the job, and that pushes you pretty close to being a liability. Do you understand?"
"Yes, sir. All I can promise is that I'll follow whatever you say if you give me a chance."
Gray nodded. "I want your ass packed in..." He glanced at the clock. 3:43 AM. "Fifteen minutes."
Luca was already running out of the room. "You got it, boss!"
"Don't forget to pack sunglasses and sunscreen!" Gray called after Luca but he was halfway up the stairs by then. "Fuckin' kid."
Ever since the news of the 'Nebula' sinking last night, neither Gray nor Luca had slept a wink. He'd told the boy to take Heidi home, and then spent about an hour on the phone with Laxus. Logistics, strategy, equipment, the whole thing. After that, he'd booked train tickets from Nyborg to Hargeon.
I'll have to update that, he thought to himself as he picked up the phone. Wonder how much they'll ask for another reservation.
The answer was not much. Aware of his reputation and the reasons for his journey, the railway people were ready and willing to accommodate. By the time he was done with that, Luca had brought down his rucksack from upstairs.
"So what's the plan?" he asked.
Gray glanced at the boy and resumed his packing. "We go straight to Hargeon town, board a ship they're gonna prepare, and set sail for the Pole."
"That simple, huh?"
"That simple. We don't have to carry much of anything 'cause we can just make most of what we need. Specialised equipment will be waiting for us at Hargeon. Theodolites, tents, whatever."
"What's a theodolite?"
"I'll explain on the way." Gray straightened. "If you're done packing, go down to the village and talk to Heidi."
"Oh yeah." Luca's face fell slightly. "Right."
"Didn't think about that?"
The boy shook his head and hefted his pack. "See you down there?"
"Yeah. In a few."
The boy left, the melancholy air following him. Gray sighed deeply after he heard the front door close.
It had been a busy few hours. With everything happening so quickly, Gray hadn't had the time to stop and consider what it was that he was trying to do, what he was undertaking.
Holy shit, he thought. I'm actually leaving.
He looked around his room, then stepped out into the kitchen. Stood in the middle and looked about the cabin. In all his years of living in it, he could remember one, maybe two instances where he hadn't slept in his own bed. The thought made him laugh. He had gotten used to the one thing he had never really had before. What with the constant moving around and adventuring, he'd never been able to sleep in a single bed for more than a week. Now, getting attached to an entire house seemed pretty strange to him.
Despite that, he went all over the place, making sure all the doors and windows were shut and locked. He made sure the stove was off, all the lights were off, and finally went out onto the patio.
Had it been summer, he might have been able to see the sun rise right about now. Erza had never seen a sunrise from his patio before. That really couldn't stand.
"Soon," he promised nobody in particular, his gaze cast towards the mountains. "Soon."
A very long time ago, long before everything went to shit, he had embarked on a similar, single-minded journey to bring Erza back. Back then, things were different. So, so much had happened since, but he found that his emotions surrounding her remained unchanged. It was a good feeling. A rock in turbulent times.
When he left the house about twenty minutes later, he knew the town would be well awake. If they hadn't heard yet, they would hear now. He didn't want to linger long enough for them to ask him, but he did want to give Luca enough time to say his farewells properly. When he reached the inn, he found them both locked in an embrace, neither saying a word. They held each other and swayed with the wind. Gray didn't let his eyes linger. Though they were out in the open, some things were too pure and intimate to look upon.
Helgi offered him a rueful smile as soon as he walked in. "I hear you're taking a trip."
"You heard right." Gray smiled back. "You have good ears."
"Got time for a coffee?"
"Always."
She didn't keep him waiting. As soon as Gray sat, Helgi placed a steaming mug before him. "We made some food for you boys. For the train."
"You're a marvel, both of you." He chuckled and sipped his coffee. Nodded. "Good stuff, as always."
"Luca had some breakfast. Will you eat something?"
Gray held up the mug. "This'll do. I'll get something on the train." He set the mug down, reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his house keys. Placed them on the counter. "Take care of it for me?"
"You don't have to ask," Helgi replied, taking them.
"Much appreciated." He sipped again, finishing the mug halfway. "Do you think Heidi will be okay?"
"I think so. I didn't raise a weak daughter. She'll wait." There was no small amount of pride in Helgi's voice. "Just come back safely, you two."
Gray tapped the countertop twice, finished his coffee and stood up. He started reaching for his wallet, but Helgi shook her head.
"Not enough time. If you want to catch the 5:20 train, you should be on your way."
Gray laughed aloud. "Put it on my tab, then."
"It's on the house." She grinned. "Go, get your wife back."
"It's not-"
"Get going, or you'll miss your train."
Sighing good-naturedly, Gray came out of the inn already moulding his magic. Eight magical circles appeared in the middle of the snow-covered road, and soon they materialised into a sleigh and seven ice dogs, all harnessed and ready to go.
Gray placed his rucksack in the sleigh and hopped in, picking up the reins. He looked back at where Luca was – he didn't want to interrupt, but they did need to get going – and saw the boy finish up what seemed like a very long kiss. He followed it up with a quicker one to Heidi's forehead, whispered something that made her smile, and turned and ran towards the sleigh.
"Okay," Luca said, settling in and waving back at Heidi. "Rock and roll."
"You're way too smooth at seventeen..." Gray muttered under his breath and made the dogs go. To his surprise, Luca didn't speak a single word on the way. Not even while they were waiting for the train. It was only when he'd taken his seat did he open his mouth again.
"Guess we're on our way, huh?" he remarked as the train started pulling away from the station.
Gray put his and Luca's rucksacks on the overhead luggage rack and sat down across from the boy. He'd requested a private coupé and the railway had delivered. He hadn't been in the mood to speak to other passengers and answer their inane questions.
"Yeah," he replied, taking off his boots. "Feels weird, huh?"
"You said it." Luca didn't look away from the window. "This is pretty cool."
Luca hadn't been on a train in at least five years. Not since they'd made the long trip from Fiore to Isvan. Now, going back under these circumstances... Gray wasn't sure Luca had thought the consequences through.
"When you're tired of watching the scenery, you should lie down." Gray swung his feet onto the bench and lay down, folding his left hand behind his head and covered his eyes with his right. "You've been up all night. You'll need some shut-eye."
"It's okay. I'm good."
Gray closed his eyes.
Won't be for long, kid.
"Nome?"
"Gray Fullbuster."
The passport clerk huffed dismissively. "Scopo della visita?"
Gray sighed. "Lavoro."
"Uh-huh." The man glanced over his unruly appearance, his heavy rucksack, and handed back his passport after stamping it before calling over Luca. "Nome?"
"Luca Arturo Guiseppe Giovanni Benedetto Pietro Archangelo Alfredo Brizzolera da Magnolia," he replied with a bright grin and held out his hand. "Piacere!"
Gray moved through the gate. Luca could charm his way through the crabbiest of passport officers. There was no point in worrying about him. What he was worried about was getting to the train on time.
But I'll hafta find the goddamn thing first.
If there was one dominating factor about Fiorian train stations, it was the volume at which people spoke. Everyone was loud, as if having a life or death conversation. That, alongside the inherent chaos of Fiorians, made him miss Isvali efficiency already.
He glanced back to make sure Luca had come through no problem. Found the boy bounding towards him. Good. Then he checked his wristwatch. Five minutes until scheduled departure. Not so good. He listened for the announcements, but the loudspeakers were busy with other trains at the moment.
In his desperation, he stopped the first person he could – a middle-aged blonde woman. With an apologetic smile, he asked whether she knew where the train to Hargeon town was. To his happiness, she nodded and pointed.
"Platform 15 for the local connections," she told him.
"Okay, good. Luca, platform 15, run!" He waved at the woman as he started running, too. "Grazie molto, signorina!"
"Man! You can't stop talking in Fiorian once you start, huh?" Luca asked as they leapt over luggage piles and dribbled around slow moving folks. "You still got it!"
Too winded to speak, Gray focused his energy on not tripping and falling. As they shot into the platform, the guard blew his whistle and the engine let loose a wail worthy of a banshee and started chuffing out of the station.
"Hey!" Luca pointed at the engine. "Stop that train!"
"Just," Gray panted. The straps of the rucksack dug into his shoulders painfully. "Just jump on!"
Several heads poked out the windows now, shouting encouragement at them. Some people started leaning out of the gates and holding out their hand. Even the station porters stopped and cheered them on.
I forgot just how much they revel in chaos!
Luca jumped for it. He latched onto one of the waiting hands and the man handily pulled him aboard. Gray followed suit, grabbing a handle first and putting one foot on the steps. He lifted the other and let the train whisk him away.
As he hung there, half in and half out, a cheer went up along the train and the platform. Everyone was either clapping or whistling – the helpful man who'd pulled Luca aboard slapped his shoulder good-naturedly and congratulated him. Gray grunted in response. He didn't have much energy left after an eighteen hour train ride.
Thankfully, first-class coupés served food, and Gray and Luca made the most of it. A waiter from the pantry car delivered their orders in under a half hour and they ate in silence, ravenous. Helgi and Heidi's food had lasted them through the day, but tasting Fiorian food on Fiorian soil after five years or so felt... different.
"This train food ain't bad, huh?" Luca forced out through a full mouth.
"Anyone can make pizza."
"You can't."
"I'm not a Fiore native. You are. It's in your veins. Your genetic inheritance is diluted pizza and pasta."
"I dunno if that's racist, but that is a damn good inheritance if you ask me." Luca parted the drapes and looked out of the windows. "Damn. You can't see a thing."
"It's almost eleven at night. Whaddaya expect?"
"Be cool to see an actual sunrise tomorrow," Luca chuckled. "When do we reach Magnolia?"
Hargeon was the next station after Magnolia. They were scheduled to get off at about eight in the evening. Gray thought about it. "Maybe around six or so."
"Cool. There should still be some sun, then." Luca smiled out at the darkness. "Can't wait."
Gray glanced at him, but said nothing. After they were done eating, Luca called Heidi from Gray's phone and went out onto the corridor to talk. They spoke for a while. Gray didn't keep track. He followed Luca's example and stared out of the window, watching a random light post or signal or town momentarily rip apart the dark curtain of night.
He sat there, staring and thinking, long after Luca went to sleep. Sitting through a train journey had a strange, hypnotic effect on him. Gray didn't know what it was, whether it was the constant movement or the velocity with which the scenery went by. But he knew it to be true. It made it easier to think. Easier to lose oneself.
Five years ago, he had made the same journey in reverse. He'd left with a young boy to start a new chapter in both of their lives. He hadn't counted on going back. Ever. Wasn't part of the plan. And yet, here he was. Counting the light posts as they flew by, going back to where it all ended.
His phone buzzed and he absentmindedly picked it up. A text from Cana asking if they were on schedule. He replied with a thumbs up and plugged it in to charge.
Being air-conditioned, he couldn't smoke. Bummer. He could've used one.
The train stopped at few stations, blowing past most. Yet, he made sure to read every last name. He'd been to all those towns. Had stories about them. Memories flooded his mind, filtered through the veil of suppression he'd constructed so long ago, and Gray leant his temple against the glass for some support.
With every minute, he was coming closer to the past. The weight in his chest kept building and building until he closed his eyes and pressed his fingers into his eyelids. The dull pain cut through the fog of memories. Gray sighed. In his haste to run away from it all, in his insistence on keeping his past at arm's length, he'd never properly dealt with it. Never learnt to let go. This close, the weight of his choices hung unbearably around his throat, Gray didn't think he had the strength to look up again.
Yet, as soon as he thought about it, he did just that. He raised his head and looked straight ahead. Found Luca sleeping open-mouthed, arms thrown about like the victim of a road accident, and drooling all over his pillow. The sheer suddenness of the image in contrast to his thoughts dumbfounded Gray for a split second. Then he laughed a silent laugh and shook his head.
"Dumbass kid," he muttered to himself.
He hadn't been alone when he left. He hadn't burned bridges based on selfish reasons. He had done what he thought was right for the sake of someone else, and while that didn't make it any easier to go back, he knew that he would at least be able to meet any and all of his old friends with his head held high.
It was worth it, he told himself as he watched the sleeping boy. It was worth it, and I'd do it again.
And that would have to be enough.
It was not worth it, Gray thought sourly as he waited for his ward to board.
Luca hadn't shut up all day. Like a dog in a car, he'd had his face pressed to the glass ever since he woke up. Every time the train stopped, no matter the station, he would get down and walk around for a bit, saying that he needed to experience the air to feel at home.
"You shoulda come with me," he said now as he sat down. "Woulda done you good!"
"No thanks."
"Aww you're no fun." He watched Gray scroll through his phone. "Any news?"
"Not really. I told Laxus to keep this rescue attempt a secret until the ship leaves the harbour. I don't wanna deal with press." Gray sighed and put aside his phone. "Other than that, the only new thing is that Erza has released a statement from the Pole."
"What'd she say?"
"Asked for an extraction ASAP." It wasn't like Erza to demand help. Had something really gone wrong? "Technically, the only problem they should have is supplies. They're not equipped to last another winter. Otherwise, they should be safe enough in that bunker."
Luca nodded. "How long until winter falls for them?"
"Less than two weeks."
It took a while for Luca to digest that. For the utter hopelessness of the situation to sink in. When it had, the boy nodded to himself, sighed and asked, "We won't make it in time, will we?"
"To bring them back before winter falls? No. No hope in hell." Gray shook his head. "But, we can bring supplies to them. Make sure there's enough for them to eat until we figure out how to get them back."
"In the middle of polar winter?"
"No other choice. We can't bring enough food to sit out winter with them. The ship we're going to board is an Icebergan research vessel. It took some bureaucratic ping-pong for them to even agree to take us on such short notice. As such, we can't just load up whatever we want."
"Then how much stuff are we authorised to carry?"
"However much we can fit into a big ass sled."
He could tell that Luca didn't like that answer, but there was nothing more to be done. Gray had requested Laxus to do the impossible. That he had managed to give him as much in so little time spoke volumes about his leadership.
"What's the name of the ship?" Luca asked. "Have they told you?"
The rays of the sun slanted more and more as the train neared Magnolia. Gray placed his elbow in the windowpane and looked out. With every second, he saw more and more familiar sights.
"The 'Dreadnought,'" Gray replied, suppressing a grin upon recognising a farm. Then a bridge. A town. The lush, green landscape of southern Fiore was just as verdant as he remembered. Highlighted by the dying sun's pink rays, the grass and the trees seemed to be waving at him, welcoming him back. "She's going down there to study seals."
"Uh-huh." Luca was equally invested in the landscape. Gray suspected that the boy could tell he was close to home. It was calling to him. "Cool."
Soon, they shot past another station. Balsam Village. On any local train, this would be the stop right before Magnolia.
"Place was famous for its spa resorts," Gray muttered. "Twenty minutes to reach Magnolia."
An odd feeling set into his bones at the realisation. Twenty minutes from Magnolia. Here he was, on a train to Magnolia. How many thousands of times had he been in the exact same spot? He looked away from the window, fully expecting to see Natsu knocked out on the floor, Lucy reading a book, and Erza sleeping.
The coupé had none of that to offer. No quarrelling, no constant asking of "How much longer?", no irritation. But also no laughter. No inside jokes, no recapping of missions. Nothing.
His presence felt sterile. Foreign. Though the journey was familiar, he had changed too much.
At the thought, his lungs expelled all the air they held and Gray sat there, suspended between the past and present, wanting to belong to both but an outsider to either.
"We're slowing down!" Luca exclaimed. "We're there! I'm goin' to the door. You wanna come?"
Though Gray heard the question, he was in no position to reply. He shook his head and hoped that it would be enough. Thankfully, Luca didn't pester him. The silence that filled the cabin when the boy left, however, was more than Gray could handle.
Millions of memories burst to life behind his eyelids every time he blinked, each one potent enough to bring him to his knees. The family that had been his friends, the only one he thought he'd ever need. Laughing faces, energetic voices. Jokes and jibes and fights. A life that had passed him by a bit too quickly.
His reminiscing stopped, too. Abruptly, at that. Jerking out of his thoughts, Gray sat straight and looked out the window.
The train had stopped. He saw porters hurrying to the cabin doors, eager to carry the burdens of those getting off. On the pillars were signs denoting the platform number and the station name.
Magnolia Station.
Gray found himself unable to look away from those two words. The more he stared, the more he wanted to reach out and touch them. And he got up to do just that.
Rushing through the corridor, past people both getting up and down, Gray leapt out of the gate and, as soon as his feet touched the ground, chuckled and took a deep breath.
Spread all around were sights he knew intimately. There, the giant ass wall-mounted analogue clock. At a glance, he knew that it was still five minutes fast. He looked up at the stone arches along the ceiling, at the wooden benches and newspaper stands. And then he walked. He walked through his memories, reliving every single one. Every fight with Natsu, every time anyone chastised him for losing his clothes. He let the memories flock to him, throwing open the gates of the past.
And finally, he stood in front of one of the plaques stating the station name. Smiling, Gray reached up and traced the golden lettering.
Magnolia Station? Nah.
Behind him, he heard the engine give a warning toot. It only stopped for three or so minutes. Gray tapped the wood and closed his eyes.
Home. I'm home again.
He turned away as the guard sounded his whistle, stuffing his hands in his coat pockets.
For a brief few minutes, the bitterness had been wrung out of his memories. It was worth coming for that alone.
No matter what had happened in the past, or what would happen going forwards, Gray was glad that the station, the gateway to his old life, had retained its purity in his mind. Glad that a little part of his past remained unblemished.
Luca was waiting for him in the cabin, though he didn't say anything when Gray walked in. He smiled and nodded before turning towards the window, watching the train roar past and through Magnolia Town.
Gray sat down and smiled out at the town, at the blur of lights and noises before it was all gone.
It wasn't often that he made promises anymore. Not to himself, and especially not to others. But in that instance, Gray made one. To himself. And to the town. A simple promise, but one he intended to keep.
I'll be back. I'll take a look at you then. Properly. He closed his eyes. Sighed peacefully. You'll see.
"You are zee reskue party?" asked the man. Through his great mesh of beard and moustache, Gray couldn't see his mouth move. "Zee polar expedition reskue party?"
"Er. Yes. That's us." Gray held out his hand. "I'm Gray, and this is my student, Luca."
"Doctor Slossen Boschen," the big, burly man returned, shaking their hands hard enough for Gray to feel his shoulder come loose a little. "Fery pleaset to meet you bos. Come aboart now. Your gear vas already taken in."
"That's great. Lead the way."
It was early in the morning, and Gray and Luca had gone straight to the wharf after waking up. Slossen Boschen, the lead researcher, had been waiting for them on the pier. Even without him, there was no way they could have missed the almost two hundred feet long 'Dreadnought'. Only two ships were in harbour, and Gray knew a lacrima powered icebreaker when he saw one.
"You sure he ain't a bear?" Luca asked under his breath as they walked up the gangplank and Gray snorted. The doctor was about six feet eight, and almost as wide as he was tall.
"Vee vill veigh ankhor after sendink a transmischion to zee Chosen Frozen," Boschen told them over his shoulder as he led them along the deck. "Vee vere vaitink for you to let zem know vee vere komink."
"Wait." Gray lengthened his stride to catch up to him. "You mean they don't know we're coming yet?"
"I vas tolt zat you vould be zee one to break zee news to zem." The man shrugged. "Come, zee radio room is zrough here."
Gray walked at the big man's heels, gulping despite himself. He would have to tell them that he was coming? Erza, alone, he could talk to, but the others? He wasn't sure-
"Shtiener! Shtarten sie das lakrima!" Boschen barked at the wiry fellow sitting by the radio transmitter, making him jump. "Kontakten sie das Pole."
"Aye, sir," Hans replied and starting pressing buttons and turning knobs. He then picked up the mouthpiece and started speaking into it, trying to establish contact. "Hello? Hello? Polar research ship 'Dreadnought' to Team Captain, Chosen Frozen-"
"Hafe you hat breakfast?" Boschen asked casually, going back to his good-natured self. "Zee pork is fery fresh. Sandviches?"
"I am hungry," Luca replied. Gray was about to say something similar, when an ungodly crackle sounded through the radio, making both him and Luca jump. He was about to ask just what that was when, like a celestial harp being filtered through the heavens, the radio came alive.
"Hello, polar research ship 'Dreadnought'. This is Captain Scarlet, receiving you loud and clear. What news do you have? Over."
"Captain Scarlet, my name is Hans Steiner, and I am a big fan." Boschen levelled a glare at the radio operator and he hurried along. "But I'm going to hand you over to one of my associates, who has news for you. Please stand by."
So saying, Hans took his headphones off and started untangling himself from all the wires.
"All yours," Boschen motioned towards the radio.
Before Gray could reply, Luca took Gray's rucksack off his back.
"Sit properly," he grinned. Then he smacked him in the middle of his back and shoved him forward. "Make her your wife. Go!"
Gray, surprised, had nowhere to go but stumble ahead. He caught his balance and, as he gave Luca a glare over his shoulder, Hans pulled out the chair for him.
"You're ready to go, sir."
No, I'm not.
Despite his thoughts, Gray sat down and placed the headphones over his head. He then took a deep breath, and wrapped his fingers around the mouthpiece.
"Hey, Erza," he said, trying to sound casual.
There was silence on the other side, and Gray looked at Hans. He nodded, signalling that the transmission was fine.
Then, following another crackle, Erza's voice came through the machine. "Well, now. Hello, Gray. To what do I owe the pleasure?"
Gray chuckled. She sounded playful. Happy. Her voice sounded so warm that he wanted to bathe in it.
"You got yourself into quite the fix, huh?"
"I suppose you could say that." A chuckle. "Where are you? Are you in Nidaros? Did you commandeer that vessel?"
"Nope. I'm in Hargeon town." He paused. "Code Blue, Erza."
She was silent a moment. Then she gasped. Erza, meet realisation. Gray smiled.
"You... you're in... Fiore?!" Astounded. Stunned. Gobsmacked. "When? How? What!"
"Yes. Yesterday. By train. No answer for that last one."
"Why? What's going on?"
"I told you. Code Blue." He grinned widely. "Wait for me, Erza. I'm coming to take you home."