Jacob's POV
I can't believe he's gone. Without a trace. Not even a damn note. I feel like fucking crying. I knew something was wrong. Cause I knew aidzuki. I could tell despite the smile on his face that he was feeling the opposite then what he was showing to us. Which is exactly why I feel stupid, stupid for nodding and turning back around like I hadn't noticed the pain clear on his face.
But I had noticed.
I noticed and I still turned around and talked to bella. As if he were never there to begin with. I convinced myself that aidzuki will be fine by himself and that I would check on him in a little bit. Man where did time go? I convinced myself that he'd understand cause he knows i like bella, alot, or is that something I convinced myself of to. It's hard to tell with my brain thinking a mile a minute.
I'm so damn stupid!
I should have asked what was wrong instead of trying to get closer to an obviously uninterested girl. That's how I feel at the moment as I pace in bella's front yard, worrying my bottom lip, and my arms crossed over my chest as I think. We're could he be? I've called home and was told that he wasn't there and hasn't been since we left which in turn caused my guilt to double. I don't know why I feel this way. It's not like it's my fault, but that annoying voice in my head that won't shut up says otherwise. I try not to listen to it.
I looked around bella's house multiple times and nothing. Not even a clue. And if I'm being honest I was very angry at first cause he up and left without warning. And I had a right to be.
I look around and spot bella who is sitting on her steps with a worried look adorning her face. I walk over and sit next to her with a shaky exhale of breath. "I can't believe he'd just leave without saying something. Even a fuck you would have been better then nothing" groan out.
"It's not your fault jake. You didn't do anything wrong." Bella says putting a hand on my shoulder like aidzuki would. I shrug it off and sigh not wanting to be touched at the moment. "that's not how I feel bells. I FEEL like I did something wrong. I FEEL like I'm the reason he's not here." She looked like she was gonna say something but I stood up and started walking to my car.
"I have to go home I'm not feeling well. Bye bella" I say jogging the rest of the way to my car. it wasn't a lie I really don't feel well Even though I mostly just wanted to be alone. I get in my car and start it. I sit there for a minute before pulling off. As I drive I get lost in my thoughts. And they go to places better left alone.
Like aidzuki.
Bella is a nice girl and she is beautiful in a simple way but I forget the real reason I hold on to this crush like the God send I think it is. Because since I was fourteen I've had feelings that I shouldn't because they're wrong. Feelings that confused me til I found out what they were. Love. Love for my best friend but I'm not talking about bella.
But why couldn't it be bella. Why couldn't I be normal.
I remember the day it happened. We had been at the beach playing in the water like normal friends do. Aidzuki was on all fours and running in and out of the water as I chased him, man those days were fun the days where things were simple and I didn't have to worry about crushes or love. Where I could live in the moment.
But all good things come to an end.
After hours of playing I had decided to sit down on a giant rock to catch my breath as zuki continued to run after hoshi. He never seems to get tired as quick as I do and even if he did he'd be up and running after two or three minutes and I've always envied that.
I was watching how aidzuki's body moved. His movements were graceful and calculated as he jumped around hoshi. Then I started looking closer seeing things I hadn't bothered to notice like his creamy pale skin and how smooth and soft it was to the touch. And how well it contrast with his seemingly glowing blue eyes. And those beautiful plump lips I'd often wanted to lean in and capture them, but I'd always managed to look away and berate myself.
But in that moment I did a double take of my thoughts. A million things started happening at once my mind trying to put things in order, and back track all at once which caused a headache. Though I sat frozen not knowing what was going on.
This wasn't normal. Aidzuki's a freaking boy for crying out loud.
Not to say I didn't really have a crush on bella at one point cause I did. But then I started noticing little things about aidzuki after the experience on the beach. Like the way he got wide eyed when he saw something that amazed him. Like movies. You could see curiosity swirling in blue eyes as he asked questions fast pointing at things he has never seen before. Or how he'd scrunch his nose when he gets angry all the while yelling in Japanese. I'm not yet fluent in Japanese but I did get a hand full-on what he was screaming at me or a non caring hoshi. And my favorite of all his cute fluffy ears and tail. How his ears twitched when he hears something I don't. Which was also annoying. His tail swaying sensually when he's focused on a task or relaxing. He'd sometimes let me help groom them but I haven't since I was ten.
Just as a smile was creeping it's way on my face I shook my head as if to free it of those type of thoughts. They would only hurt in the long run like, when he found a girlfriend and they fall in love. I'm gonna be left behind watching them from the background. Happy on the outside but pained on the inside.
And I was prepared for that.
Prepared to suffer if it meant keeping him around. I'm probably overreacting, and this has been a faze all along, and I'll find love as well. But just thinking about loving someone else doesn't feel right. Not even a little.
Sigh, but I knew boys weren't supposed to like boys. And that's the problem. I spent many hours trying to think differently about him. But the more I try to think of him as at least a brother the more my mind would stray. To a future filled with aidzuki. What would it be like to hold him lovingly in my arms? Or how would it feel to kiss him? Or more recently how would it feel to...
No. I couldn't think about that. Not yet. I wouldn't let myself.
I've never ever thought of another guy that way. Hell since I found out about my feelings I've never felt that way for another person. Not even bella. My feelings for her turned brotherly. Another thought I try to push away. I convinced myself that I like bella by thinking of her the same way I think about him. And it worked better than i hoped. Well up untill now. Cause now I'm scared because despite knowing logically that he'd come back i couldn't help but think 'what if he didn't?.'
I don't know what I would do without him. Even without the feelings. He was still my best friend and I'd be sad if I were to lose him so suddenly. And nothing feels more right then having him by my side. Which is probably why I feel empty inside without his presence in my passenger seat. Talking about his home and how he misses it and how he wishes I could see it. It's beautiful, he'd whisper to me deep in thoughts. To put it shortly my life minus a wolf eared cutie equals something wrong and depressing.
Like now.
I pull into the garage at my home before shutting off the engine but not getting out, leaning back against the seat and just staring into nothingness. I wanted to tell him but I was scared of his reaction. I actually still am. he'd probably freak out and never wanna see me again. But why should I care so much it does matter cause it's not like anything would come of it. And besides I have bella she's the one I love. The one I couldn't live without. That's the way it's supposed to be. Right?
I sigh at my stubborn thoughts and get out of my car. Walking into my house and heading straight for the kitchen I rummage through the fridge to find something that won't take long to make. Instead though I come across a plate with a note on it that reads 'taking care of somethings with Sue. Love you, see you later' I look at it a second more before I take the plate out unwrapping it and heating it up in the microwave. I sigh, not knowing if I'm sad or glad I'm gonna be alone for sometime. When the foods done heating up I sit and eat in the living room watching a random show. Well more like staring ahead while I think. When I finish i head to my room very tired from the days events.
Walking into my room and closing the door behind me I strip down to my boxers and lay down on top of the covers on my bed. I had no need for them, cause I've been getting warmer everyday, though it doesn't feel like a fever. It's very pleasant actually. Turning to my side I think about aidzuki and if he'll be back sometime soon as I drift off. Maybe before school or after. Maybe I'll see him again and tell him everything. But then I'd be risking losing my best friend. But he does deserve to know. But then again...
What he doesn't know won't kill him. But it just might.
-aidzuki's pov-
!next morning!
I wake up to a tickling feeling on my nose and swat at it without opening my eyes. Humming I turn to my side and snuggle back into the fluffy pillows prepared to go back to sleep. When the feeling returned I pout and sit up slightly opening my eyes to see a familiar color themed tail in my face. Hoshi. I huff and grab her before pulling whatever was attached to it in the air. And come face to face with an unapologetic looking hoshi. I huff once more before tossing...
a squirrel. Nani?
I go back to trying to sleep when the little rodent scrambles up my body back on my face. I hear a yawn as she settles down, tail back I'm my face. I sigh loudly and sit back up grading her again and dangling her in front of my face "Anata wa nani o shite iru to omoimasu ka?" I say my teeth gritting together as I glare at her. She blinks bordely at me and squeaks once.
"Can't you see I'm trying to sleep you rude ass." I grit out at her. She glares at me and wiggles her body around trying to get free. When that gets her no where she curls her body enough to bite my finger. Yelping, i drop her and she runs for it, jumping off the bed and turning into a snake mid-air and slithering under the door in one do. Oh no you don't!
I jump outta bed in only my briefs and run to the door throwing it open and start to run after hoshi who I can see is morphing into a small dog. Show off. I don't stop to think about how unfamiliar my surroundings are to angry to comprehend that I'm not at Jake's house. Or dressed.
Hoshi darts down a flight of stairs and I follow as she makes a sharp turn into a room right as she shifts to a bunny, for some unfathomable reason. I grab her ears and lift her into the air. Again. My free hand on my cocked hip as I give a heated glare. Which is What jacob calls my 'chastising mother' stance to which I'd roll my eyes and call him names like idiot.
Anyways back to the trouble maker at hand. I hold the small animal a little higher as I growl out "Anata wa sukoshi bakada, anatahadareda to omoimasu ka?" But she continues to just dangle there with a defiant look. I growl again and shake her until she's dizzy prompting her to answer me. then I put her on the ground after she tilts her head up seemingly not giving up on her stubbornness. I set her down Non to gently on the floor. I was gonna head to my room set on getting more sleep seeing as it's early in the morning. But I then run into a wall. That wasn't there before. Or was it, Wait this is... not Jacob's house. Cause it was never this white. Or clean. Or fancy. Or fragrancy.
Is that even a word.
No. No i don't think so.
I stood there for a couple minute trying to remember where I went last nigh oblivious to the amused eyes centered on me. Untill I heard a throat being cleared. I look over to see the whole fucking cullen family staring at me with amused looks. And that's when it hit me.
Oh yeah. Edward and Alice found me and brought me here where we had dinner that rose ruined with her anger issues. Well I ruined it really
"Excuse me!" I heard someone say I focus again on the family to see Rosalie glaring at me Emmett hand on her shoulder as he tries not to laugh.
"Hehe did I say that out loud" i laugh nervously looking down to avoid eye contact to embarrassed by my apparently low IQ... only to notice my State of undress. Come on life cut me a break and please tell me I'm dreaming. I turn around to go back to my room only to be faced with Alice who's holding out some clothes for me to wear. When the fuck did she move, damn creep. I mean vampire. smiling i take the clothes offered to me. Did she pull these out of thin air. I shrug it off and head to the nearest bathroom to get dressed not willing to stand naked in front of them any longer.
I walk into said room and leave the door open slightly til hoshi scurries inside, as a mouse. Weirdo. Oh but how i love her. I get dressed in some jeans that fit perfectly. I check myself out in the mirror. Not bad. Then i turn around to examine further. And Wow don't I have a nice butt.
Not bad? I absolutely slay In these pants.
Whatever that means. I just heard that in school once.
I giggle to myself and put the next thing on which is a light blue adventure time shirt. ( A/N: Let's pretend it's a thing though adventure time started during twilight: eclipse). it was slightly loose but, oh well. I look over to hoshi and give her a 'how do I look' look. She tilts her head for a while as I strike a pose. Which I'll deny doing. she nods her head and I smile and put her on my shoulder, what it's hard to hate something so damn cute. Even if it wakes you up and bites your finger. walking out the bathroom I go back to where the cullen family are sitting around the table, this time talking to each other and not glaring into a plate of food like a normal... vam fam? Eh. I walk over and they look at me a smile on... most of their faces. I smile back a bit awkwardly at having all eyes on me. They continue staring until I wave as awkwardly as I smiled.
Esme speaks up and says "Oh dear, Alice is right he is kinda like bella. I do see it now" she looks me up and down a couple times in thought. I blush at the obvious indication that they were talking about me putting my hand down. comparing me to bella were they? I figdet in the spot I'm standing on. Uh OK that's not weird at all.
"What do you mean, I'm nothing like bella." I say glaring slightly. Edward throws his hands up and exclaim "that's what I said!" Then I glare at him not knowing to be offended or not. He just shrugs and turns around.
"Well no one asked you, of course you don't think anyone's like bella you're so in love with her you stalk her half the time!" Damn rose. Put his business out there. Though it seems the whole family knows that. Is she always so fucking mean. Like she's on her period constantly. Can she even have one being frozen in time and all. And did i say that loudly. I get my answer when Suddenly she stands up and glares at me while growling lowly.
Oops. Guess that's a yes.
I put my hands up in defense "Heh me and my big mouth, right?" I say nervously.
"What did you just say! Japanese bella" I look at her incredulously. Did we just not have this conversation. come on the girl is twice as awkward as me, plus she's freaking clumsy as hell. "Hey give me a break sometimes i dont know how to keep things in my head from coming out my mouth. I guess you ARE like THAT all the time huh?" I say. Meinu!
"Bitch" I mutter out loud without realising it. Which was my point exactly.
She jumps out of her seat but is held around the waist by a now annoyed looking Emmett. " I will snap you in half like a fucking twig." She yells. "You could try barbie" I say looking directly at her. Emmet seeing where things are headed tries to calm his mate " babe please si-" Emmet tries but it silenced with a look.
"I'd wish you'd leave already. God you're so irritating" mmhm she's totally angry with me.
"Rose!" Esme chastised.
You know what I'm gonna try to be civil with her, First things first a mutual show of respect. She wants me gone. Well Sayōnara!
"Listen Rosalie I know you don't like me, along with anything living on this planet, but you don't have to be that way. If you didn't want me here then you shoulda said so last night-"
"I did!" Interrupts rosalie. I hold up a hand when she goes to continue.
"To me. Cause you've never once told me you had a problem with me, no I had to hear it under your fucking breath constantly since my first day of school. I've never did anything to you nor has anyone else. The reasons you are bitter are your own. And I honestly don't care why. And I will leave if it bothers you so much that i breath the same air you...pretend to" I say turning to leave, hoshi gives a nod in their direction as I walk up the steps to get my cloths. I'm not going home just yet. I can't. What if Jacob's mad at me. I should've never left. He I hear a swish of wind and Alice is standing in front of me. I jump and make a squeaking sound. I then glare and continue on my way.
"Don't go" She pleads putting her hands on my shoulder to stop me.
"It's obvious I'm not welcome here by everyone. And It's clear to me i over stayed my welcome the minute i walked in, according to rosalie" I say loud enough for her to hear. I hear a snort most likely from her. I shrug Alice's hands off me and continue on my path to my things. I enter the guest room and start to gather my things by snatching them up.
"But you're not going home. I saw it. You're gonna go back to the beach until you're ready to face jacob. For whatever reason." I stop what I'm doing and look at Alice surprised and she has a distant Look on her face. How did she know? I had made that decision less then a minute ago. Don't tell me she creeps in heads to, man I gotta get outta here
"But you're unsure if you'll ever be ready cause you don't wanna get hurt. By what i dont know but i saw you crying. I'm not sure it's bad. But if it's like the first time then better not to risk it." She says walking up to me and taking my wrist and pulling slightly so I'm facing her way "I don't know why you were hurting in the forest only that jacobs somehow involved in both. but I do know going through it alone is worse then anything. Just stay here where you're surrounded by friends until you're ready, we don't mind."
I look her in the eye and see she's sincere, I don't see why I think she'd be joking. but why does she want me to stay so bad. Ive caused trouble since i came here. If anything i thought they'd all want me gone as soon as possible. But alice looks a little worried about something. Me perhaps?
"Why?" I ask a little suspicious after a bit of silence. And by silent I mean not even a peep from downstairs. I crane my neck to pick up even a breath but find non. Geeze the creeps could at least keep acting like they're breathing.
"It's all kinda blury and fast but it's not good and that's all I know it's all you need to know. For now anyway. And besides you're our friend other than bella. Even if We're just getting to know one another" She says and stares at me in the way a cullen does. Unblinkingly trying to look into my soul. wait what does she mean by its all blurry? And fast? I push that to the back knowing I'd find out later.
"Alice you won't lose me as a friend if I leave, what are you talking about. I just really don't wanna make someone uncomfortable in their own home cause then I would be uncomfortable" I reassure her although a bit confused. This is getting weirder by the minute. I try to pull away to leave but She only shakes her head and grips my wrist harder, though had I been human it would have broken by now.
"If you leave and go back to the beach, after three months I will lose this chance to know a supernatural being that isn't like us or trying to kill us or against us. I've never got the chance" this whole things confusing. What happens after three months She seems so upset, a little too upset, cause she's right we barley know one another yet. So why's she so concerned.
But she's right I have no where to go other then the beach. And I was dreading being alone. I sigh rubbing a hand over my face. OK I'll stay but not long. I cant anyways. I look back to the ball of energy before me to inform her of my choice.
" OK but-" She cuts me off by a squeal which caused me to snatch my hands away and cover my ears. Man she's loud. Kami is she bi-polar or something. I hold a hand up to silence her. She looks at me with excited eyes. I look at her strangely with narrowed eyes but she just tilts her head waiting for me to speak.
"I don't know what's going on or how you know I was going to the be-" She covers my mouth and says " some vampires have extra abilities. I myself have the ability to see the future-" at that I attempt to speak with her hand over my mouth but she shushes me " and my jasper has the ability to feel others feelings. And Eddie has the ability to read minds though you already now this...kinda"
That must've been that feeling. Him trying to read my thoughts. Jerk. Why I should shove my foot in his-
"Aidzuki"
"Face! I was gonna say face!"
She looks at me and shrugs her shoulders and explains my living arrangements and that I'm gonna get a tour of the house later on. My thoughts stray to a certain dark skin boy. What's he doing right now? I bet he's talking to bella. Probably hasn't even noticed I'm gone yet to fixated on bella's brown eyes to remember I was no longer there.
It's happened before but that time I was in the room with them. We had been chilling in bella's room and she left to go make food for all of us and me and jake were talking about random things like the last time we swam and hoshi turned into a small shark and tried to scare us. With little success. Anyways we were leaned so close together our shoulders touched and we were deep in memory laughing at how he kicked hoshi in her face when she tried to bite his foot.
Then bella came back and grabbed his attention almost instantly.
It's like he came back to his body and leaned away from me extremely fast. As if he hadn't noticed we were so close to eachother. But as soon as she sat down he got all up in her personal space. Like we weren't in the middle of talking. Which we were. He didn't even finish his sentence. The day continues though but with her blushing and them laughing. That was the first time that's happened.
But as you could see I got fed up with is quickly. If he wanted her then he can go right on ahead.
I snort to myself. I say that as if I was an option to him anyways.
I stand there and think some more as Alice continues on her tirade... until she mentioned shopping.
"Wait slow down. Pause, rewind, press play. Who is going where now"
I demand putting my hands on my hips. Man Its like im stuck in this pose. Shaking my head I focus back on Alice awaiting an answer. I'm not fond of places with alot of people. It's really not my thing.
"You. Me. Shopping" She says simply.
"Eh no. I think I'd rather grab my clothes from jakes" which is a lie cause I don't wanna see Him yet. Knowing he's thinking about bella like she's a goddess to worship. Talking about her like she's the best thing to him. Not knowing he's hurting me very deeply. Which he never will. That damn monologue of bella he has burned in his memory.
But it WAS only a crush I had on him. At least I'd like to think it's that easy.
But anyways I also don't wanna be in a place full of people. bleh. I hate public places. Schools enough for me right now.
"Nope shopping. Plus it's not like you have that many clothes to begin with" and now there's a evil glint in her eye I'm not liking at the moment. And decide I'd never like. I look seriously at her and say "Ali no"
"Yes"
"No"
"Yes"
"Do you just plan to get your way all the time pixi" I sigh. Like seriously she's so persistent all the time. You just wanna tell her yes jusy to shut her up. Eh that's actually kinda genius. Wait no its not. It's torcher. Why am I having this conversation with myself.
It like I can't focus for two seconds when talking to her maybe cause she talks to much and- oh is that a spider!
"yup. And usually i do get my way. Just ask anyone-. Are you even listening to me zuki. " She smiles and shakes her head and just waves it off all I one go... and continues talking.
"Before we do anything I think we should get to know one another, stranger. The whole family is going hunting after school tomorrow you should come along" Before I can answer she's bounding out of the room saying something about plans. With my head spinning i sit on my current bed.
Out of all the vamps In this house she makes me the dizziest.
I hope you liked this it took so long to finish cause I had to babysit, clean, and I had places to go.
Anyways thanks to all those who likes my story. please leave a review and tell me what you think. If you want anything done in the story pm me and I'll see if I can fit it in.