You know I don't understand why you don't treat yourself better.
Eagles, "The Long Run"
13
Gray awoke to Wendy gently shaking him by the shoulder. Admittedly, being shaken out of sleep was never a good thing in his experience. He immediately assumed the worst.
"Is everything-" he began, sitting up, but Wendy nodded and pushed him back down.
"Everything's fine," she told him, smiling. "Don't worry. It's just the call for breakfast."
Breakfast? Gray's tired mind took a while to decipher that word, and he stared at Wendy's face, uncomprehending. "Oh. Food."
The girl nodded. "Luca is awake and has already eaten. You can, too, if you like. The others are still sleeping."
"Mmmm." It finally dawned on him that this was not an emergency, and Gray sighed as he stretched. "What time is it?"
"0730. We're set to start in half an hour."
Right. They had to find the South Pole. Gray nodded and sat up. "When did you wake up?"
"Oh, fifteen minutes ago. I'm the earliest riser, usually, but Luca beat me to it today." Wendy stepped away from his bedside, letting him swing his legs out. "Your breakfast is on the table. Go ahead and eat whenever. I'll go wake Erza up."
"Thanks, Wendy." Yawning silently, Gray rubbed the sand from his eyes and stood up from his bunk bed. Placing his hands on his waist, he stretched his back and touched his toes. Just to get the blood flowing.
He glanced at the table and found six energy bars. Gourmet meal of the Poles, he told himself and grabbed two. Unwrapping one, he bit into it and stepped out of the cabin.
Night had never really fallen. There was always some form of murky twilight visible. That would all change in a few days. As it stood, they would only get about eight hours of actual sunlight starting from eight in the morning. In that time, they would have to find the Pole, and verify its location from three other directions.
Outside, the weather was good. Calm. Looking at the snowy terrain, dappled by orange-gold sunlight, it was hard to gauge just how unforgiving the landscape could be. The only clue were the sleds and the dogs, which sat buried in about a foot of snow. Evidently, the winds had been up to no good last night. With a sigh, and a wave of magic, Gray cleared it all way, scattering it evenly over the polar surface.
The polar surface, he reminded himself, turning his gaze due south, towards the direction they were headed. The Frozen Frontier.
I wonder how much farther we have left to go, he thought, walking up to and patting the heads of the ice dogs. The South Pole could be five feet away, for all he knew. They had covered a lot of ground yesterday.
As he made his way up the line of dogs, giving each a pat and belly rub, he spotted Luca a little way off, exercising. The boy had noticed him too, for he paused in between squats to wave. Gray waved back.
Luca was a curious sort; he got tired when he had nothing to do. The larger his workload, the more motivated he became. He was always craving action. Something other than sitting in a sled. Gray had to admit that when compared to their stint on the Dreadnought, the South Pole was tame as could be.
That's only because we're ice mages. It musta been a nightmare for the others.
Gray didn't want to think on what would have happened had he not arrived. The hardships they would face while exploring was mere icing on the cake of misfortune, whose layers consisted of death by starvation, exposure or-
Blowing out a deep breath, Gray expelled such thoughts. He was here. His job was to make things easy for the others. And he would do it.
Just as he unwrapped the second energy bar, he heard footsteps behind him on the freshly scattered snow.
Turning around, Gray expected to see Luca's dumbass face. All excited about finding the south pole and making a snow angel on the surface or something equally idiotic. Instead, he found Erza, all suited up in her snow gear.
He had to admit, the sunglasses were a nice addition. It did things to his heart he couldn't readily explain, but he wasn't about to complain.
"Good morning, Gray," she greeted him with a wave. "Good breakfast?"
"As good as it gets." He was lucky the winds weren't blowing. He didn't want to miss out on her voice. "What about you? Done already?"
Erza patted her stomach. "I've learnt to eat fast." She spent a moment scanning the immediate surroundings, checking the weather, and nodded to herself. "Are you up for a little walk, Gray?"
"Sure. Where to?"
"To parts unexplored!"
Cheeky. Any step they took in any direction constituted parts unexplored. Gray chuckled. "Lead the way."
And she did. Erza, after waving at Luca, reached into her pocket and pulled out her sextant. "Just to make sure where we are, and how much distance we have to cover."
"Couldn't wait for the others to wake up?"
"Lucy needs all the rest she can get. Plus, the sun has almost risen, so why waste time?"
Sunrise was supposed to happen at eight. Without it, they could do nothing. At the pole, the sun stayed put in the sky, so it didn't matter if they took a reading at eight in the morning, or ten. Still, Erza wasn't one to waste time. Gray watched her take off her sunglasses and get to work on the sextant. She pulled a shade down over the lens to protect her eye and pointed it up at the early morning sun.
It was somewhat annoying, just how in awe he was of her constantly. The list of things Erza'd had to do to get here – going to the North Pole for practice, mountaineering, orienteering, all sorts of survival training and physical conditioning – was nothing short of miraculous. Then, she'd successfully led her team to complete their objective. Even now, the way she fiddled around with something as complex as a sextant, to find a specific point in a land of barren snow, like a complete pro, was astounding. It was like she was born to do this.
Gray had forgotten just how thrilling it was to see Erza Scarlet let loose in her natural habitat, to see her triumph. What she was doing now was no less impressive than beating a hundred monsters single-handed.
It reminded him why he was so madly in love with her.
Immediately, he was grateful that Erza had the sextant pointed at the sun and not at his face. Gray turned away, choosing to focus instead on the ice, the snow, and the whiteness abound everywhere he could see. White was interesting. White was nice. White had never embarrassed him in the least.
"Did you sleep well?" Erza asked him. "I hope the snoring wasn't too loud."
Gray frowned, forced to look back at her. She was still spinning dials and turning knobs, the pieces moving up and down. He hated how well she was able to multitask. Women in general had that unfair advantage, but Erza had distilled it into a discipline.
It would be impressive if it weren't so show-off-y.
"I did. Never woke up once." He paused slightly, before adding: "It felt good."
"Hmm? To sleep?"
"To sleep surrounded by everyone," Gray confessed. "I'd forgotten what that was like. I guess I missed it."
There was a sense of comfort nestled into his bosom that Gray hadn't experienced for years. Being around people he'd known and trusted was a blessing. Last night was a reminder. It had made him realise, finally, just what it was that he was missing. What he had wilfully blocked out.
"It was nice," he concluded succinctly. They were out on a mission. There would be time yet to be sappy. Somewhere far away from the South Pole, preferably. "What about you? Team leader getting enough sleep?"
Raising a hand, Erza made a so-so motion. "I had trouble when I first got here, but now I'm used to it." She lowered the sextant from her eyes and slipped the sunglasses back on. "Are you okay with going a little farther?"
"If you're okay with starting a little later than planned."
"Plans never survive first contact with the enemy, Gray," she replied with a small chuckle. "And we're in the trenches of the White Wars."
Gray raised an eyebrow. "First of all, pretty cool name. Second of all, since when are you so okay with changing plans on a whim?"
"We're Fairy Tail, remember? Plans usually don't mean much."
"And you've never liked that."
"Being flexible is part of the bargain." She held out her hand. "Take it."
For just a second, Gray stared at it. What was happening? Was this a South Pole date? Was that what was happening? Had the god of romantic comedies decided to move the plot along?
"Sure," Gray said, taking her heavily gloved hand in his. "For what, though?"
"Just wanted to take the next step together." Shooting him a smile, Erza turned back to the horizon and sighed. "With this step, Gray, you and I are the first people to ever walk on the True South Pole."
His brain, though it caught the words, only interpreted their meaning once his foot had fallen on the snow. Gray stopped immediately.
"Wait, what?" he asked Erza, who had stopped with him. She, however, tilted her head back and looked skywards.
"You are standing on what my sextant shows is the True South Pole," she replied without looking at him, though her grip on his hand tightened just a bit. "We'll have to verify it, of course, but we are in the general vicinity of the South Pole."
Gray didn't think he could say anything to that. There were surprises. There were instances of good fortune. But this? This seemed to trump every happy happenstance he had ever encountered.
Looking back over his shoulder, he realised that they were roughly fifty yards away from camp. If that. Natsu was out and about, doing some light jogging around the shelter. Luca seemed to have finished with his workout and was petting the dogs.
I wonder what they'll think. How they'll react.
As if on cue, he heard Erza whisper, "We did it."
They had. They really had. This was a victory nobody could ever take away from them. This was a gigantic leap forward towards their goal.
Why, then, was she letting him share in it instead of the others? Was it just a simple thank you? A token sentiment? Was she trying to be nice and welcoming? Making him feel a part of everything? What was she trying to say? Really?
Because this doesn't feel right.
And yet, despite his misgivings, despite all the doubts his mind conjured up from the deepest depths of his consciousness, his heart clung to the hope that maybe – just maybe – he was special enough to her to make her do something like this.
It was unfounded. It was deeply selfish and, while his heart soared high – fuelled on by this sudden burst of gratification – he knew it was folly.
Gray knew, and he hated himself for not stopping his thoughts in his tracks.
He hated himself for hoping.
"Yeah," he replied after a while, his gaze fixed towards the horizon. Despite the maelstrom raging inside his mind, he allowed his fingers to tighten upon hers. "You did."
If anybody was offended that Erza hadn't shown them the spot before Gray, they didn't show it in any way, shape or form. Lucy cried – she always did – and Natsu had to control his urge and not scream at the heavens for once.
Overall, the discovery lifted everyone's spirits so much that they decided to waste no time in confirming that this was indeed the spot.
"I'm tellin' ya, this is the one," Luca gave his expert opinion as he trudged towards his sled. "It's a gut feeling, and I'm never wrong about those. Knew Heidi had a crush on me – gut feeling. Knew you had the horny hots for Aunty Erza – gut feeling again. Man, my gut's like a superhero, huh?"
"Uh-huh." Magnanimity running short, Gray decided to smack the boy upside the head to speed him along to the sled. "Be extra safe out there, you hear? Make the ride as smooth as possible."
"Yes, yes. Pregnant woman, I know, jeez," came Luca's response as he approached the runners. "I'm not a complete idiot, ya know."
That was up for debate. Instead of bothering about it, Gray jogged up and squatted beside Lucy. She was already snuggled into her blankets, the sextant on her lap. She looked ready as ever and smiled when she saw him.
"Come to see me off?"
"You bet." Gray smiled back. She was headed east. Natsu and Wendy would be going west, while he and Erza would take north. Technically, all directions from the South Pole were north, but that was just his brain being pedantic. "You double-check everything? Flares? Food?"
"Yeah. Erza already went through all that."
Gray nodded. That was all that needed to be said. Erza was the team's quality control. She wouldn't let anyone go anywhere without first checking their gear. As they spoke, she was scolding Natsu for not packing enough water – his body temperature had a strong chance to dehydrate Wendy.
"All right, then," he replied and stood. He glanced from Lucy to Luca and patted the sled. "Go. Don't waste time."
"See you soon, Gray," Lucy told him with a grin as the dogs started pulling. As he passed by, Luca offered him a salute. Before long, they were off. Well on their way to becoming a blip on the distant horizon.
As he turned to walk towards his own sled, he found that Erza was waving off Natsu and Wendy as well. What he had told Lucy was true. Time was of the essence. The weather could not be trusted, and the faster they set off, the sooner they could finish. Hopefully.
Erza, however, did not budge. She stood rooted to the spot, watching Natsu's sled gain more and more ground. Knowing that it was a rather momentous day, Gray didn't intrude upon her thoughts. Silently as he could, he went and stood beside her. He knew he should at least ask her if she was ready to go, if there was something going on in her mind, but it felt inappropriate. Like she was ensconced in her own bubble, far beyond his reach.
But still, we have a job to do, he thought to himself. I'll give her five minutes.
It didn't take that long. A few moments after he'd taken his place at her side, Erza took in a long, deep breath. Without even looking at him, she asked, "Ready?"
He nodded. "Ready and waiting."
"Then let's go."
She turned on her heel and strode off towards the final sled. She settled in with expert ease and motioned for him to sit behind her – the same formation as yesterday. Yet, there was an intensity about her, a bull-headed aura, that stopped him from fantasising. She was all business, on her game, and she demanded the same treatment from him.
Gray was happy to oblige.
Once he was comfortable, he silently made the dogs go. Erza backed into him, her posture rigid from anticipation and excitement, and it didn't look like she would be nestling into him like yesterday.
Don't be disappointed. Be professional, damn it.
Twenty miles. That was how far they had to go. He had set the dogs to maintain a pace of roughly twelve miles per hour. For twenty miles, that would take one hour forty minutes. But that was just maths. Realistically, they were looking at two hours. That, too, only if they didn't run into anything nasty.
A four-hour round trip, Gray told himself as he settled in for the journey. Barring delays. Whoop de doodly doo.
Unlike yesterday, or even that morning, Erza did not initiate conversation. Too wired up. It happened. She had been looking forward to this, training for this, for three or so years now. While his arrival had given the team a much needed shot in the arm, he wasn't a miracle fix. And the pole reminded them of that almost instantly.
The first lashings of katabatic winds rocked their sled within twenty minutes of departure. Gray cursed under his breath, and put an arm around Erza instinctively, but it wasn't that bad. Not bad enough to halt progress. He knew it, and so did Erza, who barely even reacted. Her posture didn't slacken one bit.
The winds buffeted them steadily, the snow trailing behind them gradually bringing visibility down. Gray brushed off as much of the fine powder as he could from the both of them, and Erza nodded her thanks. So far, she hadn't said a word. Gray didn't prod her to, either. This was not the time for idle chatter. Maybe with Wendy, or Lucy, or Luca. But Erza was made of sterner stuff. She didn't need distractions.
And neither did he.
Though the winds blew from all sides, the dogs didn't stop their advance. They maintained a steady pace, charging ahead even though the going became rougher and rougher. Half an hour in, the katabatic winds were bringing their A game, rocking their little sled back and forth. Gray, feeling a blizzard brewing, tapped Erza's shoulder to get her attention. He then slid his hands under her armpits and brought them up before her face, so she could see his hand signs.
'We need to stop,' he told her. 'This is going to turn into a blizzard, and we cannot take that head on. We need shelter.'
Over the rumbling winds, he couldn't hear her voice, though he saw her jaws work. She didn't like it, and her displeasure was evident when she turned slightly to sign back at him.
'Do what you have to.'
Begrudging or not, he had clearance. He didn't waste any time. As he had the day before, Gray swiftly constructed a solid ice cabin around their sled. No doors. No windows. Thick ice walls for the winds to wail against. Relative safety. Out of the onslaught of the winds, Gray heaved a sigh of relief.
Erza, however, didn't share his sentiments.
As soon as the cabin manifested, she stood up and walked off the sled. From the stiffness and length of her gait, Gray could tell that she was agitated. She wouldn't need to stretch her legs after only forty or so minutes.
"You okay?" he asked but didn't leave the sled. Erza would need her space. He could tell that a rant was on the way. And sure enough, she exploded as soon as the question left his lips.
"We have eight days of sunlight left, Gray!" she roared above the howling of the wind outside, whirling around to face him. "Eight days! After that, we can't do anything! Anything! For once, I'd like the weather to fall in line with our plans!"
Gray let her vent. He knew better than to assume that this was directed at him. Knew better than to take it personally. No, this, what he was witnessing, had built up over the years of having to deal with polar climates. Of having to be the one in charge. Of being in control. Of never falling apart in front of teammates. He understood that, and he didn't move a muscle.
"Three years, Gray! Three years I've wanted to do this! And now I'm a hair's breadth away from achieving my mission! And what do I get?" She gestured towards the wall, at the inclement weather outside. "A blizzard! How many hours will we lose to this, Gray? How many?! If the sun goes down, I won't be able to make a reading! We won't be able to get a fixed position on the Pole! That's something I wanted done today!"
She didn't break anything. She didn't summon a cannon and blow the roof out. She didn't even try to punch through a wall. Instead, Erza walked round and round in circles, steaming in a cold fury. As she did her thing, Gray reached into the bag of supplies and brought out a couple of bars of chocolate. Gifts from Luca. It would come in handy soon enough.
"This is something I've trained for for years, Gray! Years! I spent half a year on either the North Pole or in Sin or Iceberg, trying to get my skills up to par for this! And now, when we're this close-"
Gray chose that moment to step out of the sled. Erza had started repeating the same points. She was close to winding down.
"-months I could've spent at home, with my friends, went into this!" She thundered, shaking at the intensity of her own words and exhaling angrily. "I hate this. I hate being so powerless! It's so frustrating! Ugh! What is that?"
That last part, he knew, was addressed to him, and he didn't let it deter him from closing the distance. "This is a bar of chocolate. This is what a bar of chocolate looks like when you take off the wrapper. My plan is to make you eat it."
"Why?" Her tone was flat, but from her furrowed brows, Gray could guess that her frustration was giving way to confusion. If she was still combative, she would've crossed her arms – which she hadn't. Yet.
"Because you need the energy," he told her simply. "Now eat."
"I've already had breakfast."
"Luca bought this for you with money he earned himself. Are you going to say no?" Gray raised an eyebrow. "Imagine his hurt little puppy-dog face. Do you want to make him a sad little puppy?"
Erza's face shifted from impassive to heartbroken. She stared at the bar of chocolate like it was the last will and testament of a family member she had never made amends with. Few knew of Erza Scarlet's weakness for cute things. Even fewer were bold enough to capitalise on it.
Gray was definitely one of those people.
"I still don't see why..." Erza muttered and accepted the chocolate from him and took a bite. As soon as she did, her face lit up and she hummed appreciatively. "This is so creamy!"
"Uh-huh. Now eat all of it."
"Sure, but I still don't-"
"Eat the chocolate, Erza."
She shot him a queer look but complied regardless. How could she not? He and Luca had picked this particular bar for its famed creamy sweetness. White chocolate with strawberry and cream. Melts right in your mouth. Gray knew what she liked, it was true, but also knew that it would come in handy exactly in situations such as this.
"Okay, I'm done," Erza told him upon finishing and handed him back the wrapper. "Now explain you-"
He knew she would demand answers. Knew very well. So, instead of giving her the chance to finish her question, he unwrapped the second bar as well and held it out. "You never eat just one of anything. Here. Finish this as well."
"But why? There is no need for this!"
Though she protested, Gray saw that she never once looked away from the chocolate. Mentally congratulating himself on a choice well made, he held it out to her. "You'll get your answers after finishing this."
At that, she looked at him. "Promise?"
"Promise. Now eat."
So, she did. She didn't take her time, as she usually would when presented with sweets, but the little hums and sighs of approval were a good sign. Gray nodded to himself.
Good shit.
"Okay," she told him and from her tone alone Gray knew she would have her answers now. "What was all that about?"
"You needed the sugar," he replied easily, accepting the wrapper. "You had a nice, good rant. You'd worked yourself up. And with the atmosphere this thin, it's not a good thing. I hadta bring you down." He flashed her a toothy grin. "So, I did."
Here, Erza crossed her arms over her chest. A frown clouded her face as she posed her question. "What do you mean?"
"Erza, you've been on this godsforsaken hellscape for a year," he replied. "A year. You were supposed to be here for six months, and you stayed a year. That's not easy. Not on the body, and especially not on the mind. You've held through, and that's great, but you needed to let off some steam. That's normal." Gray paused and Erza glanced down at her feet for a split second. She never did like being reminded of her outbursts. "Hey. You've done great as Team Captain. Seriously. Never doubt that."
She smiled at that. "Thank you, Gray."
"You're welcome." He smiled back. "But because of all that stress, you got cranky. And when you're cranky, you make me cranky. So, really, it was in pure self-interest that I gave you some sugar."
A chuckle. Erza nodded to his logic. "Very noble of you."
Internally, Gray heaved a sigh of relief. He'd somehow calmed her from being a cloud of fury back to normal. Good job, Fullbuster. "Just keeping the mission in mind. I need you to function at full potential. You're the one with the fancy equipment, after all."
"I appreciate your concern, Gray. I really do." She was smiling now. That small, gentle smile that made her eyes seem like they were glowing. The smile that made his heart soar. "But the mission is on hold for the foreseeable future."
She gesturesdagain to the ice walls and, true enough, the lashing of the winds had not abated. Not one lick. Erza sighed.
"We might be stuck here for hours," she muttered with a shake of her head.
"I know," Gray replied, following her gaze. It was frustrating. "But we might not be. For all ya know, it might clear up in the next few minutes."
"Please. With our luck?"
"What? What's wrong with our luck?"
"What's right with our luck? Even when we decide to do something as innocuous as take part in a play, disaster strikes!" She sighed again, though she smiled through her frustration this time. "I can't even have a picnic in peace..."
Well, ya got me there.
Having nothing to counter her hopelessness with, Gray rubbed the back of his neck. True, their luck had never been great. Shenanigans seemed to be the name of the game whenever they were all together. He hadn't expected the weather to throw in its lot against them, but then polar weather was never the most stable. Especially with winter approaching.
"All we can do is our best," Gray told her idly and patted her shoulder. "We'll still find the pole today, Erza. Even if we lose a couple of hours, there's still enough time and sunlight left to get that reading, at least. We can brave the darkness and get back no problem."
"I know," she said softly, kicking at the snow underfoot. "Realistically, I know that there is a strong possibility that even with a significant delay, we can complete the mission. I would have liked to enjoy it with the others, too. That's all. If night falls and we're not back, celebrations must be put on hold until tomorrow. We'll lose another day."
"But that hasn't happened yet," he reminded her gently, squeezing her shoulder. "Let's not worry about things that haven't happened yet, okay?" She looked ready to protest, so he hurried on. "We both know the possibilities, and what must be done in case of every eventuality. So, let's not think ourselves into a stroke. One step at a time, okay?"
"I wish it were that simple."
"It is if you let it be." He grinned. "Besides, I have a good feeling about this. I think it'll clear up soon."
"Ice magic powers?"
"No. Gut instinct, I guess. I have faith."
"In what? Your gut?"
Gray grinned mischievously. "In our brilliant luck."
A very long time ago, Cana had made a prophecy. Apparently, Gray would have brilliant luck. While that particular fortune reading had remained dubiously unfulfilled over the years, Gray wished that it would come through for him now. Finding the pole was the main objective for Erza. It was insanely important to her.
Please, Cana, come through now. Give me summa that luck you told me I'd have, and don't be stingy. We could really use it.
Erza looked puzzled at his reply but chose not to question it. Having nothing to do, she wandered off towards the sled and started petting the snow dogs, thanking them for their bravery. Gray settled into the rear of the sled and watched her go. Though the dogs didn't understand human sentiment, it was adorable. She shook each of their paws like she was their general. In her mind, she probably was.
Outside, the winds raged on and on. Gray watched Erza interact with the dogs, who were all seated on the snow, and while she was on the final two, they all stood up, poised like they were ready to go. Startled, Erza looked at him.
"What happened to them?"
"I-" Gray began, and then stopped himself. He turned towards the ice wall and found that he couldn't hear the winds anymore.
"It stopped!" Erza exclaimed and immediately appeared in front of him. "Let's go, Gray!"
Before Gray could even form a coherent thought, she was sitting down in front of him. How in the hell she had made it from the very top of the line of dogs all the way down to him in a matter of seconds was not something he presumed to understand, but he couldn't bring himself to complain about her proximity.
After all, he was hopeless.
"You got it," Gray told her and formed a cavity in the wall facing them wide enough for the sled to pass through. "Gotta make up for lost time, so here we go."
The dogs shot out of the cabin at a breakneck speed. Gray made them go faster than before to conserve daylight. Feeding his arms under her armpit, as before, he signed and asked her how much time they'd lost.
'Hour and a half,' Erza replied, and he nodded.
He adjusted the pace of the dogs and set it at a steady sixteen miles an hour. He didn't know how much time they'd save – or indeed, if they'd save any at all – but the need for speed was felt. Erza was back in her high energy state and the thrill was highly infectious.
Thank you, Cana, Gray thought as the dogs tore through the fresh layer of powder on their way to their stop. Brilliant luck doesn't look too bad right now.
As they sped across the frozen frontier, Gray checked his surroundings. It was still early in the morning, and there was enough sun to last for a good few hours. Well, early-ish. By Erza's account, they should've been halfway there by now. But the increased speed of their ride helped raise his spirits.
'Do you think the others ran into the same thing?' he asked Erza.
'Unlikely. At least, not the same winds as us.'
'I hope they didn't.'
'Me too. Especially Lucy.'
Yes, that was the problem. Letting Lucy go with Luca was a very thinly calculated risk. If for any reason her water broke...
Gray shook his head. Don't think about problems that haven't happened yet. Practice what you preached to Erza, damn it.
It was difficult. He knew what could happen, and being in a position of responsibility, he had to consider ways with which to combat every eventuality. But this... he didn't know what to do about this. Erza, after bringing it up once, didn't mention it again. She was probably thinking the same thing. Gray didn't ask her any more questions, choosing to retreat into silence as well.
Forcing his mind to disengage resulted in the surroundings all blurring together. Minutes and seconds lost their meaning. It was just him, sitting in a sled, the wind injecting numbness into his face with every tiny, needle-like kiss. He remembered a time when feelings such as this were alien. A shock to the system. Now, the cold hardly bothered him. Instead of causing him to shut down, it strengthened him. Gave him energy to do his duty.
Thank you to you too, Ul.
Everything that had happened, from Deliora onwards, had set him on the path for this moment. Learning Ice Make, finding Fairy Tail, making friends... leaving. His story was a varied tapestry. Among all those experiences, Gray felt certain that this one right now, what he was experiencing and living, was the most important one yet.
Was it a coincidence, then, that he was experiencing it with Erza?
If he thought about it – and he had thought about it, multiple times – most, if not all, of his most defining moments were built around her. Galuna island, the Tower – embarrassing as it was –Tenrou island, then the Grand Magic Games and all the shit that came afterwards, he was definitely at his best when she was around.
And right now, she needs me at my best.
Without saying a word, Gray made the dogs go a little faster. Then a little more. And a little bit more. It ate into more of his reserves, and Gray felt an ache forming in the back of his head. Not the best of ideas but he could rest and relax when they were back at camp. And the faster they got back, the faster he could do it.
If Erza noticed the incremental increase in speed, she didn't mention it. He pushed the dogs to twenty miles per hour and stopped. The ice constructs could only take so much friction. They were built for durability, not speed. With his reserves already flagging, Gray couldn't risk losing them. Any of them.
Twenty miles an hour was a rather spanking pace. Especially for a dogsled. In an effort to not strain himself too much, Gray leaned back and shut his eyes. Not only was he controlling these dogs, but movement for Natsu and Wendy's sled fed directly into his reserves as well. Luca was managing himself and Lucy. It was a relief he welcomed. His reserves could do only so much.
Gray, in his state of rest, had lost all track of time. He didn't know how long it had been, but he definitely felt it when the dogs started slowing down. He opened his eyes, wondering whether his reserves had run out, but felt upon checking that he still had enough to go for the return journey.
Then why... a crevasse?
No sooner had the thought struck him that he sat up bolt upright. Gray sent a wave of magic out, centred on himself, into the snow and ice around him. Just as he had with the growlers aboard the Dreadnought. When the waves returned to him, carrying with them information about the terrain, Gray could not find even the slightest hint of a crevasse, or indeed any sort of hazard, at all.
By then, the dogs had stopped and sat down. Gray blinked at their actions, slightly confused, before it hit him.
"We made it," he told Erza in her ear, and she turned back to face him.
"You sure?"
"Positive. They're only supposed to stop once we make it twenty miles, or if there are any environmental hazards. There aren't any hazards."
That was all Erza needed to hear. She immediately leapt out of the sled, sextant in hand, and put it to her eye. She'd been fiddling with it all through the journey. Gray was surprised it still worked.
While she oriented herself and took her measurements, Gray stayed in the sled. He reached down, scooped up some snow and ice, and ate it. With every gulp, he felt the headache fade away. Felt the ice bolster his mind and body. The fatigue was next to go, and his mind came back sharper. Even though his diet had consisted of nothing but hoosh and energy bars, the ice made him feel like he'd been on the receiving end of a five-course meal. Erza took around ten minutes to find the direction of the pole, and in that time, Gray had recovered himself almost entirely.
"The pole is definitely back the way we came," Erza told him once she came back to the sled, leading Gray to drop the bit of ice he had left in his hand. He didn't want to be caught snacking. If she thought he was feeling faint, she would only worry more. "I'm positive that the site we marked this morning is within a few feet of the actual pole."
She was positively beaming. Even through all the layers of face protection, he had no problem making out the mirth in her voice. It honestly made the headache worth it.
"Told ya we'd get it done today," Gray replied with a chuckle and made the dogs walk around, so the sled was facing the way it had come. "Ready to go back?"
Instead of hopping back into the sled, Erza stood beside it for a long moment, hands on hips. Looking at her now, Gray knew that her entire being radiated satisfaction. Happiness, even. It was the first time he'd felt her exude this aura.
"You did good, Erza," he told her, and she took a deep breath before looking down at him.
"We did, Gray. We did. I couldn't have done it without you." She nodded once. "Thank you."
She didn't mention what the gratitude was for. He didn't ask, either. It didn't need to be said. To be defined and specified. Never had to be. Not with them.
Gray nodded back, accepting her thanks, and motioned for her to take her seat. "The sooner we go back, the sooner we can check this off our to-do list."
That seemed to bring her back to earth.
"Yes, you are correct," Erza said quickly and sat down. She gave him a thumbs up when she was settled in, and Gray made the dogs start pulling again.
Like before, he gradually increased the pace. Starting at twelve, he went up to sixteen in the span of half an hour. When they passed by the cabin he'd constructed to shelter from the winds, Gray raised the speed once more, pushing eighteen. But not twenty. Not until he did some maintenance on the dogs back at camp. The ice he'd consumed kept the headache at bay, so it didn't affect him as badly.
To top things off, the weather remained rather benevolent on the return leg of the journey. The winds were there – they were always there – but they didn't hamper movement. There were a few flurries of snow along the way, but nothing that couldn't be sped through. Gray recognised that without the veneer of enthusiasm that Erza had applied to him, he would never have done something as risky.
Then again. Exuberant times call for exuberant measures.
Gray knew full well the significance behind the discovery of the South Pole. It was a truly world-changing thing. Probably one of the most significant discoveries in Earthland in a decade. Maybe more. Erza had done a lot of things, but this would cement her name as the greatest adventurer that Fiore had ever produced. There was no doubt about that.
Caught up in their own individual thoughts, neither of them spoke on the journey back. It took a little less than an hour, and they returned to see another dogsled already at camp.
"I wonder who made it back," Erza mused as they came to a stop.
Gray shrugged. "Luca and Lucy."
"Oh? How do you know?"
"Natsu and Wendy's sled is still draining magic from me. Luca supplied his own."
"Ahh," Erza replied as she entered the ice cabin that served as their current headquarters, Gray in tow. Sure enough, he found Lucy and Luca inside, but the sight stumped him nonetheless. From how Erza stopped in her tracks, she'd been caught by surprise as well.
Luca sat beside Lucy, sharing her blankets, the pair of them chatting away like age-old girlfriends only recently reconnected.
"-so I told her, 'You're really pretty,' because I meant it, ya know? I wasn't thinking. And then she blushed and threw a snowball at my face. Was that fair? It wasn't, right? I told her that, too!"
Lucy was nodding along with the story. "Girls, especially at that age, can be confusing to get to know. Give her some time to grow into who she's going to be, and things will get smoother, I promise." Then, noticing them standing at the doorway, she looked up and waved. "Hey, you guys! How'd it go?"
"It went," Gray replied bemusedly, still trying to digest the fact that Lucy had gotten to Luca in the span of a day. Extroverts were scary. "We ran into a blizzard, but Erza managed to get her readings."
"Oh, hey, we had a blizzard, too!" Luca told them. "Man, those winds must really get around, huh?"
"They sure do."
"Lucy, what were your findings?" Erza asked next, stepping in and getting right to the point. "Was it here?"
"Yup! I'm confident that we're off by a few feet."
"A few feet is accurate enough." There was no stopping Erza's grin now. She sat herself down at the table and, for the first time that day, put the sextant away. "All we need to do is wait for Natsu and Wendy to arrive so we can compare and conclude this once and for all."
It took Natsu and Wendy about a half an hour to arrive. In the meantime, Luca served some hoosh to Gray and Erza – something he and Lucy had made immediately upon arrival. Gray wanted very badly to ask Luca what had happened that had converted him into a Lucy fan but decided it could wait.
They were in the middle of their meal when the others arrived, and Erza got up to greet them with a relentless barrage of questions. It was only after Natsu and Wendy confirmed that they had come as close as technically possible to the South Pole did Erza relax and allow them to eat.
"Man, these winds are getting worse and worse every passing day," Natsu commented as he warmed up his meal. "You can tell winter's coming."
"You had katabatics, too?" Lucy asked. When Wendy nodded, she hummed. "Gray and Erza ran into a blizzard as well, and so did we. Did you guys stop and wait it out?"
"No, Natsu blasted the snow away," Wendy replied casually.
"Pole doesn't want us around anymore," Natsu said philosophically. "We've been here too long, and it wants us gone."
Gray didn't say anything to that. Instead, he noted with interest that Luca had fallen back into silence as soon as Natsu and Wendy had arrived. It was to be expected, but he was glad. Glad that he'd bonded with Lucy, at least. She was personable, perhaps more so now than back then. Luca probably hadn't stood a chance.
While Natsu called for seconds – it was, after all, a day worth celebrating – Erza got up and started rummaging around in her pack. This caught Gray's eye, but before he could ask, she retrieved whatever it was that she had been looking for. It seemed like a burlap parcel, tied up with cord. She then pulled out a long, steel pole from within her weapon dimension.
That's when Gray clued in. "Flag?"
"Yes," Erza replied, untying the cord around the package. "I'll just get this ready while you finish eating."
Natsu sped up his already fast eating rate to make sure he didn't keep Erza waiting too long. He practically snorted the hoosh. Once he was done, they all filed out of the cabin, and Erza tore away the burlap, exposing the red and gold Fairy Tail flag to the harsh polar weather.
"I haven't opened it since it was packed before departure," she confessed. "First time I'm seeing it."
Gray had to admit that the red and gold flag looked really good against the white and blue of their surroundings. He watched, camera in hand, as Luca made a hole for the flag and the Chosen Frozen, together, held the flag up, debating how best to drive it in. Natsu was in favour of the jackhammer approach, while Lucy suggested they slide it in. The age-old debate. Gray smiled as he put the viewfinder to his eye.
From beside him, Luca said, "You sure you don't wanna join them? I could work the camera if you like."
"Nah," Gray replied. He lowered the ISO a bit and upped the shutter speed. Crisp images in broad daylight. Nothing could beat that. "You and I, we don't belong in that picture."
He clicked the shutter, taking a test picture, before fiddling with the settings one last time.
"But they're your friends."
"True. But this is their moment."
His finger on the shutter never hesitated for a second, and he made sure to capture as many shots as he could of the flag being planted, of the Chosen Frozen proudly surrounding the unfurled and billowing flag. He captured Natsu and Lucy share a kiss, Wendy wipe a tear away, and Erza glance away from the flag for just a second to smile at him.
Gray lowered the camera, lost for words. He didn't even have the heart to address Luca's chuckling. One stray smile had levelled his resolve to stay out of the team huddle, but Gray stuck with his convictions. Knowing that they were going to plant the Fiore flag next helped. He'd take pictures with that. And he did. He took pictures individually – and in groups - with everyone. Luca was adamant that he take a picture with Erza, and he had to comply. Erza wouldn't have it any other way.
"You gonna get some framed?" Luca asked him once the photo session ended.
"A few, yeah. The one with you and me, and the whole group, for sure."
"I know I'm getting the one with you and Aunty Erza enlarged and framed."
"Uh-huh. Speaking of which, hold up." Gray waved the boy over. "What's up with you and Lucy?"
"Hmm? Oh, she's nice. She gave a lotta advice about Heidi. Good advice, too! It was real nice, talking to her."
Gray snorted and looked him up and down. "No wonder the blondes get along."
"Hey, that has nothing to do with this, okay? She's just real good at talking!"
He patted Luca on the head. "I'll bet."
The boy was about to respond with something snarky, but their attention was caught by Erza clapping her hands together.
"Everyone," she began, after they all turned her way, "please pack up camp. We are returning to Camp Mavis for the night. We have to radio back news of the discovery of the Pole, and I want to get back before we lose sunlight. I know we've spent most of the morning on sleds, but this is the final push! Let's make sure we get back safe and sound before our next adventure begins."
Plan made, everyone hopped to it. Whatever waste they had accumulated, they would carry back to base. Their sleds were much lighter now, thanks to all the meals they'd had, and that made pulling much easier. Gray, back in the lead sled with Erza, made sure the dogs held at a steady twenty miles per hour. He'd taken the time to reinforce all the dogs while the others broke camp.
Though Erza didn't talk, Gray was pleased when she leant back into him instead of sitting ramrod straight. He even picked up a few stray notes from her. Erza was in a festive mood indeed if she was humming. It thrilled him further when he recognised the song – it was the same one she always asked him to play on the guitar.
Without thinking, he started humming in concert with her. Gray didn't know whether she heard him because she didn't stop, nor pause, but he knew that they were humming in sync. It was a good song. He liked it more every time he experienced it with her.
Wonder if they brought a guitar with them... nah.
Of course, he had no energy to be playing anything by the time they got back. Almost 140 miles, even at twenty miles an hour, was a long time. Seven hours. They didn't run into any more blizzards – none strong enough to stop them, at least – but they did have to slow down some for a few bursts of katabatic winds. By Erza's clock, it was well past ten at night when the tired party arrived back at Mavis Camp.
"I'll make the radio call," Wendy volunteered, allowing Natsu to take Lucy straight to bed.
"Thank you, Wendy. Gray, Luca, feel free to have dinner whenever you want." Erza gestured towards the energy bars, taking one for herself. "Sorry for the lack of pomp and circumstance, but it has been a long day."
"And tomorrow promises to be longer," Gray told Luca as the boy picked up a couple of bars. "Which means you need to get some sleep."
"Wouldn't worry about that," Luca replied, doing his best to stifle a yawn. "I'll be out as soon as I put my head down." He made for the door but stopped and turned back at him. "You comin'?"
"In a bit. I need to talk to Erza for a bit about tomorrow's plans."
Luca didn't question it. "Aight. See ya when I wake up, Gray."
With that, he bit off half of the first bar and swaddled out of the camp, heading for their shared igloo. When he was gone, Gray turned to Erza, who looked back at him with a raised eyebrow.
"What about tomorrow? Anything specific among your concerns, Gray?"
Instead of replying, Gray grabbed a bunch of energy bars, jerked his chin towards the door and stepped outside.
The fun thing about the pole was that it was never fully dark. Not like a normal night in Fiore. At best, there was a murky twilight, and that was what he saw now. With no winds about, fat clouds hung around lazily in the sky, and Gray caught a glimpse of Luca as the boy slid into the igloo.
"Goodnight, little soldier," he muttered and raised an energy bar in salute. It was hard on everybody present, but Luca kept pace without breaking too much of a sweat. The others had been trained. He himself had previous experience. Luca? He was pushing through on sheer force of will and love for his Aunty Erza. If that didn't net him a medal of valour, he didn't know what would.
Soon enough, the door opened behind him, and Erza stepped out, still dressed in her cold gear. "You wanted to talk?"
"Yeah. Take a walk with me? That is, if you have the energy."
"I spent the last seven hours sitting down, Gray. A walk would be perfection."
Giving her a bemused smile, Gray started down the well-marked path down to the frozen lake overlooking the mountains. He waited until he was a good hundred feet away from camp before he could start speaking, but Erza beat him to it.
"So," she began, her tone playful, "what is it that you have to say to me that is so private that you need to be out of earshot of our dragon slayers to say it?"
Gray chuckled. She was bang on the money. Many people discounted her intelligence because they thought of her as just another pretty-faced airhead who liked too much cake. Those people were lucky if they came away with concussions.
"Well-scouted," he told her with a small smile. "You're right. I don't want them hearing anything about what I'm about to say."
She nodded. "Understandable. What is this about?"
"You."
Her step faltered a bit. "Me? W-what about me?"
"Why're you starving yourself, Erza?"
She stopped walking immediately and Gray stopped right with her, facing her down. Erza remained silent for a second before crossing her arms over her chest.
"What do you mean?" Her face gave nothing away. Defiant Titania. He expected nothing less.
"Erza, I remember your width," he told her as matter-of-factly as he could. "I've hugged you enough times. I've seen you in most states of undress, and I've even had to tell Emilie your measurements. For two days, I've spent hours with my legs wrapped around your waist. I have an idea how thin you are under all that." He gestured to all the layers of cold gear she had on. "Wendy's lost weight. Natsu's lost weight. But not as much as you. I'm confident I'd be able to count every individual rib on you."
She didn't reply. Didn't budge. It was as if she was waiting for more. More evidence? He didn't know whether that was it, but he sure had more to say.
"I've seen you eat. You stick to protein bars. Our first meal here, Wendy gave us hoosh. You looked surprised, so both Wendy and Natsu told you that it was okay. That there was no need to ration because I brought food with me. Now, rationing, I get. If I were stranded on a desert island, I would ration every biscuit. But that doesn't explain why you're the worst affected. The sugar from the chocolate calmed you down way faster than I've seen you calm down before." He paused for a moment. "What's going on? What're you doing?"
"Rationing," Erza replied before sighing and letting her hands drop to her sides. "You arrived yesterday, and you've noticed already?"
"Like I said. I spent two days with my legs around your waist. Hadta notice sometime. Speaking of which-" He fished out a couple of the protein bars. "Pretty sure you haven't eaten yet."
Erza chuckled. She shook her head lightly and accepted the bars. "Is this going to become a thing? You making sure I eat?"
"I won't if you do it yourself."
"I only did it when we realised that help wasn't coming," she explained, taking a bite out of the bar and resuming their walk. "Lucy needed the food for her infant. Wendy is our primary medic, and I shan't risk her nutrition. And it couldn't be Natsu because he needs to eat to keep us warm."
"And it's okay for you to do it?" Gray asked, keeping all judgement out of his tone.
"I'm the leader. I have to make these calls," she replied, equally casually, chewing her mouthful. "My job is to get them home safely."
"I understand, Erza, but you also have to lead them. What happens if you collapse? Thought of that?"
When she didn't reply, Gray sighed. "Okay. We have enough food now, so will you please eat your fill?"
"I will."
"Erza..."
"I promise, Gray." She smiled at him. "I promise I will eat properly."
"Good enough for me. Besides, we'll still have enough food. I don't have to eat, so we'll save there."
"Wait, wait." Again, Erza stopped in her tracks, but this time out of indignation. "Why don't you have to eat?"
"I can eat ice. And, y'know." He gestured all around him. "Ice. Everywhere. It does more for me than food."
Erza frowned. It was the frown of when she knew there was logic to his argument, but she didn't like it.
"I don't want you not eating to save food for us."
When he smirked, Erza rolled her eyes.
"No need to rub it in my face," she muttered, finishing off the first bar with her next bite. "I'm aware of the hypocrisy."
"I'm not calling you out or anything, Erza. Just saying that you don't have to suffer alone." He pocketed his hands and shrugged good-naturedly. "I told you when we were kids, and I'm telling you again now. You're not alone."
"Very sweet of you, Gray. Are you going to be my saviour?"
"Perish the thought. I just figured I'd sit with you and halve the load of all the bullshit you have to carry by yourself."
Erza laughed. When she spoke next, her voice was soft and tinged with warmth. "You always have."
"I always will," he replied. If you let me.
He chose to keep those few words to himself, though. This was neither the place not the time for confessions like that. Instead, he cleared his throat and looked back at base camp.
"Let's get back. We have a long day tomorrow, and I, for one, need to rest my butt."
She chuckled but didn't disagree. "Lead the way, Gray."
"Heh. That rhymes."
"It does! Very perceptive of you."
There were very few things that were as satisfying as a little walk with the woman you were in love with. At least, according to Gray. He bid her a good night on the doorstep of Camp Mavis and turned towards the igloo.
He'd come very close to proposing to her, Gray realised once he had tucked himself into his sleeping had almost sworn to carry her burdens with her until death do them part.
Isn't that basically a wedding vow? Wow, take her out for dinner first, ya loser!
Covering his eyes with his forearm, Gray groaned impotently into the night air.
"I just wish tomorrow doesn't ruin anything," he whispered an almost-prayer, but Luca, soundly asleep beside him, chose that exact moment to laugh in his sleep before muttering something about socks and rolling into one side.
Gray took a few moments to glare at his pupil before settling in to sleep for the night. He tried to ignore his misgivings about the next day – caused by Luca's oddly timed sleep-laugh –and finally brushed them off as superstition.
Nothing's gonna go wrong, he reassured himself as he felt sleep closing in. You'll climb a mountain, then you'll get them all the fuck outta here. Easy-peasy.
But deep inside, he knew things would be far from simple. Far from easy.
And he was absolutely right.