You only want the ones you can't get.
Eagles, "Desperado"
15
Gray spoke not one word on the descent. The rope was there, he knew the way. There was no need for talking. He was tired of talking. Tired of climbing. Tired of being surrounded by thousands upon thousands of tonnes of white bullshit everywhere he looked. He was sick of it.
Among those who were close, it was common knowledge that Gray didn't really like the snow and ice. Snow and ice had killed his parents. Blizzards and snowfall and hail – it all reminded him of the night Deliora stampeded through Bergstad – Old Bergstad. Reminded him of how he'd tried to scrape away the snow with his bare hands while attempting rescue his mother from under the rubble of their house. Of how he'd failed.
Learning to use the ice was a means to an end. A weapon to be wielded in the face of Deliora. A weapon, and nothing else. There was nothing beautiful about that. It always pissed him off a little when people would look at the things he made and complimented his artistic talent.
That's not art, asshole. That's what I kill Devils with.
Over the years, he'd come to see what the others saw. The creative potential. That's what he tried so hard to teach Luca, hoping he could turn the tools of destruction into something beautiful. It was great to see the sheer joy light up the boy's face every time he mastered something new. He had no demons to slay. Gray had made sure of that.
It was strange. Only through teaching Luca's Ice Make did he realise what exactly it was. It could be beautiful. It could be devastating.
Like Erza.
As he descended, Gray found it hard not to repeat what she had told him in his head. Again and again her words struck the walls of his skull with a dolorous gong. He wished they wouldn't. He wanted it to stop. It just made him angry.
In all the years that they had known each other – more than twenty years! – she had never said anything like that and meant it. He knew when she was being facetious. And knowing that she was wilfully pushing him away – again – made him angry.
Sure, he'd left. He hadn't been the most available friend or confidante. He knew that. Knew that some distance was likely to accrue. But this? This was not something he would have predicted. And it was not something he wanted to focus on.
Then again, what was the alternative? If not Erza, then where else would his mind go in the frozen hellscape? There was no respite from it. It was either her, or the ice.
He felt exposed. Like a throbbing nerve, being pressurised from all directions. It was as if his life was a lark. Like a joke reaching the punchline. Or a pimple about to pop. To him, it felt as if his usefulness was at an end. Once he got these people off the island, once he left Erza to her devices, once he sent Luca off into the world, what then? Where was he supposed to go? To do what?
Erza had found a quest with which to define her life. Here he was, playing his role in it like the good little soldier he was. A chuckle escaped him. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Story of his life. What else was there to do? What else was there to be? He had always played second fiddle in almost everything he had ever done and been okay with it. Now, he found that it had not left him with much to look forward to.
He knew what an ideal world state for him would look like. He knew every detail. It was a tapestry carefully stitched across many long, sleepless nights spent on the balcony with nothing but the mountains for company. For a while, he had thought that the mountains would teach him everything he needed to know. The fact that he was on one now, and none the wiser for it, was not lost on him.
Perhaps he'd move closer to the village. Live closer to his roots. Listen to Emilie for once.
Blowing out a sigh, Gray paused in his descent to take stock of the surroundings. With the flag planted and maps updated, a rapid descent was the way to go. To that end, he had teleported the both of them down to the finger of rock. It saved them a few hours, at least, but their rate of descent wasn't rapid enough to outrun the night.
Darkness was fast approaching, despite the evening being quite young. Low light was a killer, and they had quite a bit left to go. The thought of spending another night in close proximity to Erza after all that had happened was not very appealing. Never in his life did he think he would ever believe that being near Erza would be a hassle, but there it was.
Whether or not Erza picked up on his closed-off-ness, Gray did not know. He merely suggested that they stop for the night, and she agreed readily. There was no need for conversation – not that they could, anyway. The katabatics would have snatched their words right away. Pitching the tent while weathering that buffeting was not something Gray wanted to do ever again.
Silence reigned as they made their way inside and settled into their respective sides. There was no way to not be touching her. Still, Gray leaned back against the far wall of the tent. He would do his part. If Erza wanted to talk, she would. And to her credit, she was the first to speak.
"Do you want to eat now?" she asked. There was no hesitancy in her tone. She was obvious-zoning him. Saying things that he could not refute because it only made sense that they do it. He knew that tone anywhere.
"Sure," he replied, pulling his supplies out of his pack. If she did not want to talk about anything else, he didn't mind. The wind outside more than made up for radio chatter, so he had no problem eating without conversation. He was used to it.
Indeed, for the rest of the meal, nobody spoke. Once they had finished, Erza looked at him and asked whether he wanted to sleep. It had been a hard climb, and Gray definitely needed the rest. He saw no reason for refusing and soon, they were both in their respective sleeping bags. With her feet next to his face, Gray felt a little more at ease.
Sadly, his ease did not lead to sleep. Gray lay there, listening to the screaming wind and rocking with the tent, unable to still his mind. The turbulence outside came in waves but within his head? He had no such luck. The same questions, the same doubts, sloshed around like wine in a full glass, threatening to spill. It was a place he did not like being trapped in.
He closed his eyes, gave his senses to darkness, but still no respite. Pillowing his left hand, Gray covered his eyes with his right arm. the slight pressure on his eyes would help. He hoped.
Over the screeching winds, he could faintly hear Erza's breathing. From the sound of it, she was awake, too. He knew what she sounded like when she slept. The number of times he'd sat up during guard duty for the rest… he knew exactly what each of them sounded like. Natsu snored like there was no tomorrow. Lucy hummed and laughed in her sleep. Wendy was quiet, for the most part. Sometimes, she would wake up to the sound of her own snore, but she'd always fall back asleep. Erza… Erza breathed out of her mouth, so she would get up every now and then for water. That hadn't changed.
Thrice during the night, she sat up for water. Once, he thought he heard her call out his name. He wasn't sure. It took her calling out a second time for him to realise what was going on. She wanted to talk. Probably smooth things over and make things right. It was the mature thing to do, especially from the expedition leader.
But he was not part of her expedition. No, his job was to just take them home. As such, he was not under her direct authority. It was a petty way to think, perhaps, but his mind did not allow for much else. It had been an unpleasant day, all things considered, and he wasn't in the mood to have conversations or break bread.
Gray did not respond. He pretended to sleep, and Erza did not call anymore. He knew it wasn't the right thing to do. Come morning, he would probably regret letting this chance go. As he lay there listening to the screeching wind outside, he knew that he would.
Ah. Fuck me. I don't care anymore. If she wants her life, she can have it.
He caught himself coming back to that thought again and again as he drifted to and from sleep. He dozed off thinking it, and it was there to greet him whenever he woke up. The constant pounding of that bitter sentiment was worse than the buffeting of the wind. It did Gray no favours. He woke up a good bit angrier than he was the day before, his bitterness having fuelled the fire for irritation all night.
Perhaps Erza sensed something was off for she said nothing. They had breakfast and broke up camp in silence. The descent, too, was silent. Whatever little conversation was necessary, they communicated through sign language. Nothing more, nor less.
It took them a few hours to reach the foot of the mountain. The rest of the party, including Lucy, were waiting for them and Gray, after helping Erza down, hovered nearby and answered any questions directly levelled at him. After the initial barrage, they slowly started walking towards camp, and Gray was happy enough to fall into step behind them. Luca stayed at his side.
"So how was it up there?" the boy asked once the others were almost out of earshot. "Get lucky with Aunty Erza?"
Knowing this question was coming, Gray had wondered how he would answer it on the way down. It would require a lot of energy on his part to explain it. energy he didn't have. So, instead, he shrugged at left it at that. After he took a nap, maybe.
"Fine, keep your secrets," Luca said after a moment, realising that no answer was forthcoming. "Didja see a way out, at least?"
"I dunno," Gray replied honestly. "No way we can walk back the way we came, and everything else is ice. The first thing to do is to pack up and get our asses back to base and establish contact with Fiore. Tell 'em what's up. See if they can divert any ships to our cause."
"You don't think Aunty Erza woulda tried that already?"
"I'm sure she has, but they're still here. Why not give it another go?" Again, he shrugged. "Nothing ventured nothing gained."
"And if nothing gained?"
"Then we trek out onto the ice as far as we can and figure it out when we meet the sea."
By then, they had reached the A-frame and Luca ceased his questions. Inside, everyone had gathered in the designated dining room. It was nearing lunchtime and they'd had the foresight to prepare a meal in advance. After two days of nothing but chocolate bars, even some hoosh tasted like heaven.
After his meal, Gray told the others exactly what he saw. Endless white in every direction. The only way was to make it to the coast and then figure it out.
"I can raise an ice platform all the way to the top of the cliff we all had to come down to get here," he explained. "That's our our only solution for that route. I like it mostly because we know the way. Otherwise, we'll have to go around the mountains to the other side – across unknown territory in the middle of winter. Either way, we have to meet the sea to get anything done."
"And what do we do once we're at the coast?" Wendy asked. "Leaving the base means we have a limit on how much rations we can carry, and we won't have a radio setup to communicate changes in plans."
"It's not an ideal situation," Gray agreed with a nod. "But you can't hole up for the whole of winter, either. I didn't bring enough rations for that, and you'll have to leave the relative safety that you think the base camp offers in order to get back." He paused. "I've helped you achieve both your objectives. The pole and the mountain. Now you all have to help me achieve my goal. I want to get all your asses home, and I don't think anyone here is going to stop me from doing that, is there?"
He looked at them all one by one, and they all shook their heads. Natsu even cracked a smile. "Lookit you, taking charge and everything."
Gray ignored that. "Take the day to rest up. Tomorrow morning, we move back to base camp and start getting our shit together. Get anyone we can on the radio and try to come up with an extraction point." He paused again. "I can make a ship for us and take us out to sea, but I won't have enough gas to take us all the way to Fiore. If we can meet up with another ship halfway…"
A long time ago, it had taken he combined effort of Lyon, Juvia, and himself to make a ship. That ship had no way for steering itself. He didn't know enough about ships to make one that could do that, either. There were a lot of things to consider, too. Tonnage, displacement, whether it could handle waves or not… plus he was on his own. It was a gargantuan task, but the others did not need to know that right then.
His words seemed to have a sort of heartening effect on the others. Lucy seemed to like the idea of a ship coming to meet them halfway.
"That shouldn't be a problem, technically. When we requested for a rescue, we asked for an icebreaker to come pick us up. That didn't work, but I'm sure there will either be trawlers or trade vessels in the area. I think that can work, actually."
"We'll just need to be a little insistent," Wendy added with a wan smile. "They won't be willing to listen otherwise."
"My ass," interjected Natsu. "They'll be lining up to rescue Erza Scarlet, just you watch. Everyone wants to be a celebrity."
Gray cracked a smile. A celebrity, huh? Is that what I'll be? He glanced at Ezra, but she was busy drinking some water. There was no way to see her reaction.
Erza Scarlet did not want to be saved. Not anymore. Not by anyone. What she wanted, he did not know, but getting saved was not it. And here he was, going against her will to save her. He had come with the express intention of doing so. Was it ethical to save someone who didn't want to be saved? Shouldn't he be respecting her decisions?
The others were talking amongst themselves. Luca was listening to them idly. Gray wondered whether he'd had any conversations with the others. He would have liked that. He needed to see the good in these people. He was young yet. It wouldn't do for him to stay trapped in a cycle that... did nobody any good.
Ah, but it's a shame how old dogs can't learn new tricks.
Gray stepped out of the room, and out of the cabin itself. He'd had no grand designs of fame. No aim for celebrity. He just wanted to bring back Erza. Where was the ethical responsibility for abandoning someone to their fate? Was that a price he was willing to pay?
Regardless of her words, he would offer her a helping hand. Whether she liked it or not, whether she liked him or not, that was what he had sworn to do.
But is it the right thing to do?
Across from him, the mountain across the lake stood alone. Conquered and climbed, but still standing tall. Gray wondered if there was a lesson in all that somehow. Dignity in defeat? Worthless pride? Was there a difference between the two? He didn't know. All his answers were much too subjective to be of any use to anyone else.
The winds had died down completely. Hooray for bipolar weather. There truly was no way to know when the weather would take a turn for the worse, or the better. It was like trying to predict the mood of a schizophrenic uncle. For better or for worse, he was stuck with it, though.
In this instance, it was only because of the dying of the winds did he hear footsteps crunching upon the snow. Unconcerned steps, a bounce in them. Luca.
"We needta talk," the boy told him once he was at his side. "No, there were no problems with the crew."
Gray sighed. "That's great, Luca, but I'm tired. I wanna lie down for a bit, okay?"
"Hey, I'm with you. I been up most of the night, looking at the stars and the mountain. I can sleep now that you're here. But I don't think you came out here and decided to stare at the mountain to feel sleepy."
Gray said nothing.
"You came out here to brood, huh? Did something happen with Aunty Erza?"
Gray sighed. The boy was getting a bit too perceptive. "What makes you think that?"
"How often is it that the two of you sit at the same table and don't exchange a single word with each other?"
That was a good question. Gray had to think about that. Not in many years had that happened. Not since he was still in Fairy Tail. For a good stretch of time, they had drifted apart. It was bound to happen. Happened all the time with friends, but with her? He hadn't expected it. But then, he was dealing with Juvia and she was dealing with Jellal. It was a very different time, under very different circumstances. He had been on fairly good terms with her after leaving. While not constantly talking, she had kept up with him. It was nice, what they had.
Did he really want to risk losing it all over again?
"Not very often," he answered the boy's query, sniffing as the wind started picking up. "At least, not in a very long time."
"Then, as the person currently in a long-term and fairly successful relationship, allow me to give you some advice." Incredulously, Gray turned to him and found him bouncing on the tips of his toes, hands clasped behind his back. He was grinning widely, very happy to be the grown-up for once. It showed in his eyes. "Go talk to her before she comes talk to you, because we both know she doesn't let sleeping dogs lie."
Little did he know that she had already tried. She had tried, and he had pretended to be asleep. Not very heroic, and it seemed a little childish in retrospect, but he didn't really want to have to deal with that shit now. He simply wanted to-
"Gray, do you have a moment?"
He had been too busy looking at Luca to register the new set of footsteps. It was Erza's voice, and as soon as he heard it, he saw Luca's mouth form a perfect O, though not one of shock. It reeked of smug awareness. The 'I told you so' look. Gray wanted to peel it off his face.
"I'll give you guys a moment," the boy said and was about to slink off, but Gray stopped him in his tracks with a single word.
"No."
Luca wasn't expecting that. He thought neither was Erza, but he couldn't tell when he turned back to look at her. She had her goggles on.
"Erza, not now," he said, his voice sounding tired even to himself. "I can't deal with all this shit all together. Maybe later. Okay?"
Though he couldn't see enough of her face to gauge a reaction, there was a stiffness about her body language. She had stepped out of the A-frame, and now seemed hesitant to go back in. Whether that meant she saw this as her last chance to talk, or if she just hadn't been expecting such a response from him, he couldn't tell.
"Is it something related to the mission?" he asked, hoping that would spur her into action. An indecisive Erza was not something he ever wanted to see. Even if the things she did or said were things he took issue with, it was better than her being unsure or afraid. He never wanted to have to see it ever again.
"…no," came her eventual reply. Erza shook her head. "No. Something else."
He knew what that was. "Then that can wait."
"All right."
Luca looked uncomfortable. Perhaps he had thought it was all fun and games. Just because he happened to be in a relationship did not mean he knew the world. Being in a relationship at seventeen was vastly different than being in one at age twenty-six or twenty-seven. Those years added up. They left a mark on everything. No matter what either person wanted, there would always be a mark.
But at that moment, Luca didn't really matter. Neither did Erza, for that matter. Just because she had reached out her hand, twice, didn't mean he had to take it. He was entitled to selfishness and irrationality. He was entitled to making bad decisions and drowning in regret, as he knew he would. But he wasn't Erza Scarlet. He could be weak in the moment. He'd had enough.
"What's going on?" Another new voice. "Something wrong?"
Gray sighed. He should've known this would happen. For anyone looking out from within the building, it probably looked like a tense scene. An awkward standoff, maybe. It was no wonder that Natsu had stepped out. He had always been the sort to insert himself in situations he didn't belong. It was an annoying habit that hadn't been checked with time, it seemed.
"Nothing that concerns you," Gray replied. He just wanted to go to sleep. "Don't worry about it."
Probably not the best way to go about, because Natsu's eyelids narrowed immediately. He stepped closer, standing shoulder to shoulder with Erza. If it wasn't clear whose side he was on before – subliminally anyway – then it was clear now.
"Anything that happens here between us concerns me," he replied evenly. "Especially if it… upsets anyone."
Gray snorted. He knew what that meant. On some level, they were both the same. Neither of them could stand Erza being upset, and the pink-haired bastard seemed to not have changed in that regard.
"Natsu, it's really nothing." Erza sighed. "Nothing worth worrying over. Gray and I are simply due a conversation." She paused. "In private."
When Erza changed her tone, people listened. He and Natsu had been the earliest of those test subjects, having been there to see the rise of Titania first-hand. He had been able to throw off the weight of her commanding presence long ago, with a sword pressed to his throat. He had regarded them as equals, more or less, since that day. He didn't know whether Natsu had ever had a similar moment. Didn't know if he'd just run with his tail between his legs at the prompt.
He didn't.
"Just as long as there're no issues," he said, facing Erza levelly, and then turned towards Gray. Pointed. "And you don't get to tell me what is and isn't my business."
That was a completely normal thing for him to say. He had said things in a similar vein many, many times before. It was just how they were, just how he was. At any other time, he wouldn't have taken it personally. Wouldn't have let it annoy him. Wouldn't have gotten pissed off.
But he did. For some reason, it burned him in places it shouldn't have. The words spoken so casually, with probably no malice behind them, sparked in him a cascade of emotions that caused many old irritations to rise to the top. Gray clenched his jaw. A long time ago, he had decided to not open his mouth if he had nothing good to say. Now, he questioned that.
Sure, who was he to tell anyone what their business was? Who was he to establish boundaries around something that was clearly personal? Just the person who had dropped everything to come to their aid, travelling literally to the end of all things to make sure they survived. What right did he have?
"Fuck you," he spat back, the venom in his tone twisting the simple words into something unrecognisable. Not unlike the incantations of a dark mage, they were fuelled by malice. Natsu felt that, for Gray saw his eyes widen. "Instead of telling me what I can and can't do, why don't you fuck off back to where you came out of instead of butting your head into something you neither understand nor belong in?"
"Gray…" came Erza's voice, a warning if ever he heard one. Gray both heard it and didn't. He was completely focused on Natsu, awaiting his reaction. A part of him wanted this. Wanted whatever was to come. Too long he'd spent holed up atop a mountain, teaching responsibility and duty. Now, all he wanted was to cut loose and—
"Gray, your hand."
Luca this time. More a hiss than an observation. Strange words. He didn't bother to read into it.
Natsu was about to speak.
"Watch your tone, asshole," he returned, his own voice climbing as he took a few steps forward. A deep scowl had overtaken his features and Gray could tell that he'd hit upon a nerve. That felt good to see. "If any one of us needs to find his place, it's you. You can't expect to just walk into our lives after so long and start throwing around shit like this."
"At least I came." Gray stepped forward, casting aside Luca's raised arm. There would be no stopping him now. "At least I cared. You know your place so well that you didn't even bother getting on a fucking train!"
"And you were so good at staying away, so great at it, that you couldn't set aside your ego and pick up a phone?"
"Couldn't you? Asshole, I left because I was the only one picking up the pieces!" He pointed at Luca without taking his eyes off Natsu. "See that? That kid is the sum total of all the responsibility you shirked—responsibility that I took. I raised him! You didn't! The least you could have done is make an attempt—"
"How could I have made an attempt if you left with him?!" Natsu thundered. "You never stuck around long enough to give us a chance, Gray! Not me, not Erza, not Lucy! Nobody! You made the decision on behalf of all of us—"
"You made the decision with your inaction! All of you! And while we're at it let me say this." Gray took a quick breath. "The only reason everything went to shit is because you people couldn't find the strength in you to learn restraint."
"And you would know? You would know best, after so many years apart, what we've learnt and what we are?" Natsu crossed his arms. "You always know best, don'tcha? You had to know best then, and you know best now. Typical."
The words they spoke were not directed at any issue or even each other. Through the veil of vitriol, Gray knew that he wasn't having a conversation. He was shouting at Natsu. It wasn't going to add up to anything. Would solve nothing. Would make nothing better. It would only push them further and further apart until the distance was greater than any mountain that could be climbed. Part of him wanted that, in that moment. Part of him wanted to do nothing better than punch Natsu through his face. Get it over with.
With every word, Gray knew that was where he was headed. Control slipping, rationality forgotten, he was ready to commit violence. Ready and willing. It was just one of those moments, as was wont with them, that could only be salvaged with their fists. Only this time, the consequences would be catastrophic. Only this time, the flaming bastard would not walk away.
I should have killed E. N. D. long ago.
A long time ago, that had been his singular purpose. It was what he lived, breathed, and trained for. His body remembered. His hand remembered. And he was more than willing to snuff that demon out once and for all. He really was. Which was why his right hand had risen, reaching for Natsu's throat. Gray didn't remember asking for that to happen, but he wouldn't be complaining.
But again, as was wont with them, it wasn't he who got to decide how it would end.
Before he could do anything, he felt a hand on his chest. Firm. Strong. Unwavering despite the tenseness of the situation. Erza. She had stepped in between them, keeping them both at bay with a single hand. Momentarily surprised, Gray stopped mid-sentence. As did Natsu.
"Enough," she spoke into the vacuum created by her actions. Her jaw was clenched, and she had breathed out the word in a low tone, glowering. "You two should be ashamed. This is neither the place, nor the time, for this."
Gray growled. She always did this. Always came in between. Always stopped him. Always stopped him. Nobody had stopped him more than Erza Scarlet, no matter what the endeavour. She had lost that right the day he'd had the tattoo removed. There were no more strings on him that she could pull. Not anymore.
He looked from her to Natsu's, stopping only for a second before looking past him. There, holding the doorjamb with a pained expression on her face, stood Lucy, with Wendy at her side, offering her support to help her stand.
Lucy looked like she'd been slapped, her eyes full of unshed tears. Gray read guilt upon that face, but he saw acceptance there, too. Acceptance of everything he'd levelled at Natsu. Levelled at them. She knew exactly what he'd been trying to say, and she accepted the guilt and blame on his behalf. And that stopped Gray right in his tracks.
Causing her pain was not what he wanted. And yet, the situation involved her. It involved Erza, Natsu, Lucy, Wendy, and the rest of Fairy Tail. It involved him and Luca and the rest of Magnolia Town. But right there and then, the only one he'd wanted to hurt was Natsu, having momentarily forgotten that hurting one usually meant hurting the other.
That was just the Fairy Tail way.
"Erza, don't get in the way," Natsu cried, unable to bring his voice down. "He started this, and unless he apologises—"
"Natsu, enough."
"No! Why does he get a pass—"
Erza couldn't shut him up. There was no human force on Earthland that could claim to be able to do so. Gray knew this. He also knew what could. When he heard the not-so-distant rumbling, so loud and low that it shook the ground and rivalled a thunderclap, he knew that this would be one of those things.
"What—" Erza began but Gray had already turned back towards the mountain. Just in time to see a couple of white plumes rise from the summit.
"Ah, crap," he heard Luca say. "Avalanche!"
Twenty seconds. That was all it would take for the mountain to drop every bit of snow it could spare on them. Twenty seconds was not a lot of time, and they were already wasting it.
"Erza, get everyone inside," Gray commanded and, trusting her to do it, ran up a few feet towards the mountain. The A-frame straddled the edge of the lake as it was, and if he was to do anything to stop it, it would have to be there. Not too close, but not too far. There was a sweet spot, and he hoped he would find it. If not, he would simply do the best he could.
Before him, he could see the snow cascading down, the rumbling sounding more and more like the reproach of an angry god. Gray had seen dragons up-close. A mountain's wrath was as close to a dragon's as the natural world could muster, and just as deadly. Digging his feet in, he thrust his right hand out towards the mountain, activating the seals as the marks exploded to life, filling his body with a magic that was paralysing with potential.
The Devil Slayer magic wanted to be used. Gray kept it at bay every waking moment, so when he gave it a release, it was always difficult to control. He usually had to focus it to a point, as with the icebergs while on the 'Dreadnought', but this was not one of those moments. Here, he would need everything it could give him.
Fifteen seconds. That was all the time he had now. Gray sent out a pulse of magic, a quick exploratory touch, aimed at acquainting the snow to his magic, to his mastery. He would use the Devil Slayer magic to push it away, as he had done with the icebergs, but those had been a single block of ice. This was a few hundred million specks of snow, hurtling towards him faster than those icebergs ever could. Controlling the trajectory of so many, nigh innumerable, pieces of snow—however weightless—would not be easy, but he had no choice.
Twelve seconds. His magic dissolved into the snow, and he felt it instantly. The push. The force behind the stampede. A hundred thousand million pecks of snow, together putting the rage of dragons to shame. But the easy part was done. His magic had permeated into the snow. They would know him now. Whether or not they would listen was a different matter.
Ten seconds. Gray took a quick breath and closed his fingers, forming a tight fist. He felt the burn of the marks instantly, searing beneath his clothes as they leapt into life. They spread like wildfire, climbing up his right shoulder and running across his back to his left arm and leaving nothing but pain along the way. But it did its job. His magic manifested, strengthened, multiplied. He could feel the snow straining against it, slowing down. But not enough to make a difference.
Eight seconds. Gray brought his right hand up under his right fist to support it. It didn't help. The intense pressure from the avalanche kept building and building as it thundered down. It was deafening, almost close enough for him to feel the most enthusiastic particles upon his face. And it was pushing him back. Gray felt himself skid back an inch or two every second. He'd never attempted to do anything like this before. Never had he tried interfering so directly with the workings of nature. And it seemed like the world had tried him and found him wanting.
Ah, fuck.
Five seconds. Gray caught himself thinking about how long it would take him and Luca to move all the snow they would be soon buried under. A few hours, at least. All this could have been avoided if only Natsu had been capable of keeping his volume moderated. He hated how explosive he was. Always had. Always would.
The snow was now rushing towards him across the surface of the frozen lake, pushing him farther and farther back. The constant strain of keeping his magic going wore out his muscles. Sweat formed under his layers and Gray grit his teeth. Shit. The entirety of his vision was filled with swirling white now. Hungry. Desperate. It would eat him alive. Gray was convinced of it.
Three seconds. He felt the skidding stop. Felt something firm at his back. A support. A human body.
"Get your shit together and do something," Luca screamed in his ear, putting his own back against his, forcing Gray to a stop. "I'm not shovelling all this shit!"
Gray chuckled, despite himself. The kid had a point. It would be much simpler to stop this before it reached them. But he couldn't stop this. Not this. That was just not how it worked. The world had refused the rules his magic had tried to impose on it. he had been rejected.
And that ain't good enough.
He had learnt at a very young age that the world was under no obligation to make sense to him. If it was, then his parents wouldn't have died in the first place. That was the lesson, actually. Something he had repeatedly seen proven true. The world only made sense if he made it.
Right there, right then, it was him against the world. And he would force it to bow to him.
One second. The cascading disaster was already in his face, but he couldn't feel its touch. By then, the black marks had climbed up his neck, hie cheek, and hie forehead, disappearing into his hairline. He felt the sting. But he also saw the seals come alive on both his forearms. Gray clenched his left hand into a fist, his forearms held before him, crossed one over another.
Bend to me!
He felt the wellspring of frustration he had pooled in his gut explode at that point. Like the spout of a hot spring, a rage-filled scream gushed up his chest and out of his mouth as he spread his arms wide, releasing every bit of anger and resentment he had built up in one fell swoop.
The demonic wall of snow that had been hurtling towards him, now less than an inch away from his face, split right down the middle and re-directed, going around him. The split avalanche hurtled past on both sides, creating just enough of a gap for the A-frame to not be affected.
Gray held his ground. All of his muscles cried and complained, his vision blurred, and his breaths came in shallow gasps, but he stood tall. Defiant. Unheeding of his shaking legs and spinning head. There were other things at risk, far more valuable that his physical body. Things he couldn't quite explain; things that no matter how broken they were, he would always keep the pieces stored away in his heart.
Why else would he do all this for them?
The endless stream of snow howled like a banshee as it went past. The wind it brought in its wake threatened to knock him back. His exhausted body would have liked nothing better. But Gray stood. There would be a time for that, but not yet. If there was a lapse in his will, the split would collapse. They would be buried, and he wouldn't have the strength left to dig them out.
Gray didn't know what it was that kept him on his feet. His body was exhausted, but he felt exhilarated. Triumphant. The magic coursing through his veins felt like his salvation. Why hadn't he been using more of this stuff? If it could do this, then what else could it do? It was a delicious thought.
"Holy shit," he heard Luca whisper as the boy slumped down on the ground, watching the avalanche pass by. "This is some next level fuckery, hot damn."
Lacking the energy to properly respond, Gray settled for a nod. He didn't know how long it lasted, but eventually the stream of snow stopped. Everything settled in front of him. The world seemed to still. It would have been a deafening silence had his heart not been hammering at a fiery rate, threatening to send bile clawing up his throat. He felt the burn, felt the urge, but forced it down. Not until he was sure the thing was over.
It was his magic that let him know. There was nothing pushing him back anymore, nothing exerting any pressure at all. All that moved was the fine powder at the very top which was still settling. Not having anything more to do, Gray dropped his hands. They fell heavily to his sides, his palms smacking his thighs. He held no sway over them anymore. All Gray could do was stand there, face tilted upwards, and breathe in greedily through his mouth. Just enough for his head to stop swimming, just enough to still his heart.
Fuck.
For a moment, he was reminded of Ul's training sessions. Though she'd never attempted to make them do anything quite so dangerous, her slave-driving would always leave Leon and him gasping for air.
Thank you. For getting me used to this.
He breathed out a sigh and slowly, very slowly, turned around. Luca was still sitting down, knees drawn up and looking around at the six- or seven-feet high deposit of snow on either side of them. Beyond him, huddled by the entrance of the A-frame, sat the rest of the team. Wendy had pulled Lucy away from the door and she now sat heavily on the floor, her legs folded at the knees and spread out. She was breathing hard, and both Erza and Wendy were speaking to her. Natsu sat before her, looking from her to Gray, his expression panicked.
Gray spat. "Even after all these years, you don't think about the consequences of your actions. I do know some things."
Natsu said nothing, but Wendy glared at him. He hadn't been expecting that.
"Gray, Lucy's water broke from the stress."
"What?" Luca croaked.
Gray could only gawk. Wendy sighed.
"The baby's coming now."
Oh no.
"Fuck," Gray said.
A/N: That's it for this batch. No clue when the next one will be, but people are reading it, so I'll write when I can. On another note, if any of you want to partake in a new Grayza project and know how to clean and scanlate manga, feel free to send me a message. I wish you all have the strength to survive this year.