A/N: I am not good at writing sappy sad stuff soo this might be weird
Aidzuki's pov
I clutched the fabric wrapped around hoshi to my chest as i walked across the sand of la push beach. Jacob walked beside me and the pack was behind us.
Jacob rubbed my back as i look longingly at the still body in my hands. I stand at the cave hoshi and i lived in before we knew anybody, let alone where we were. My eyes water as a memory of her protecting me from a wild fox that same night played in my head. They weren't friendly like the ones from home.
I took care of hoshi after that for three days. She had a gash on her back leg and was in a lot of pain. I pulled together everything i could remember from watching obaa-chan and sensei do things with herbs and healing. Thank kami this planet has most of the same plants. She made a full recovery. When she started healing almost immediately she looked at me like i was strange.
She was a little nicer to me after that whole ordeal. Hoshi was still a little rough around the edges and she still didn't like doing the 'gushy friendship' stuff i forced her into. But she was more trusting.
"When we first came here hoshi and i lived in this cave. For a long time it was just me and her most days." I kneel beside the entrance and began digging a hole, jacob crouches and also starts digging beside me wordlessly. The pack just stands around with confused but sympathetic looks. Once the hole was deep enough i gently placed hoshi inside.
We stood back and everyone gathered around. Minutes pass like seconds and i find i have nothing to say.
Not even goodbye. I don't wanna say goodbye.
An ugly sob wrenches it's way through my chest and out my lips. "I-i can't. I don't know what to say"
Jacob wraps me in his arms, i grip his shirt to keep me grounded. "We could just burry her if it's to much." Jacob whispered from where his face was buried in my hair. I shuddered at the warm breath but couldn't bring myself to speak just yet.
I shake my head. I should be able to speak about her. tell all the awaiting pack members just how amazing she was...for a grumpy companion. But here i am unable to do more than cry.
Pathetic.
My hands tighten in jacobs shirt to keep me grounded. "No i have to. I owe it to her." Standing straight i look down at her stiff feathered body and chose to instead look before me when the image became blurry.
I let the tears fall as i take in a quivering breath and told the first story that came to mind. " One of my first memories of hoshi is...well...i remember running" I Snort. "Well more like waddling in a hallway. I was happy, smiling, i think i was even giggling." Although my tone lightens there is no happiness or nostalgia. "Maybe it was cause hoshi was chasing me or maybe it's cause she looked funny covered in the ink i poured on her i can't remember..."
*flashback*
A little toddler about three to four years old was waddling as fast as their tiny chubby pale legs would carry them. High shrieks of joy emitting from their lips, ears stuck straight up. Behind them was a badger snarling viciously at the small boy who seemed not to know he was in danger.
Said badger was covered almost completely in a deep blue ink and was growling deeply. Her eyes the picture of anger.
"Watashi o tsukamae rarenai hoshi-chan!" The little boy squealed out loud.
Suddenly the little boys foot caught on a corner causing him to fly forward landing on the floor with a loud thud, yet he didn't even twitch after a minute. The galaxy colored animal came to a halt as she stared at the still child.
Seconds later little huffs reached her ears that soon turned to sniffles. Rolling her eyes she walks around the boy to take a look at his face. Tear filled blue eyes look up to meet hers clearly asking for help as his poked out bottom lip trembled. The annoyed badger huffs and looks away.
Not what he wanted.
Sniffles turn into heart wrenching sobs and the boy slowly sits up until he can plop down on his diapered butt. The animal peeks over when the metallic smell of blood reaches her nose.
Scrapped knee.
The boy sits there looking at it whining while fat tear roll down his chubby cheeks. Once again rolling her eyes this time with a huff she waltzes her way over to him and wordlessly flops on her stomach and began licking the minor wound. Almost instantly the boys cries quiet to sniffles.
She continues untill the boys healing stops the bleeding and the scrapes have thinned out. After that she looks at him to see he's staring at her in 'dumb baby' amazement still not yet understanding his fast healing abilities. She makes a rumbling sound and lays her head by his feet only to flick her tongue out at the soft sensitive underside of them.
He immediately squeals in delight breaking off into a giggle almost completely forgetting what just happened.
'Dumb baby' hoshi thinks.
Later jiji found them quietly looking out the window both covered in that same deep blue ink.
*end flashback*
"That was the first time that you showed me you could be kind. The first time i realized you cared about me just as much i cared for you." I said gently as i gazed up at the sky still lost in bittersweet memory. I drop my eyes down to her as i kneel and began covering her in sand and dirt the sight becoming blurry on.
"From that point on we were much more then friends even when you didn't want to let me dress you up. Even when i wasn't in the mood for you to sleep on me. Even when we fought. We always knew that we were family. Are family." I pat the top of her grave and place a giant smooth rock on top.
I suddenly felt multiple hands on me and look back to see the pack kneeling behind me with their heads bowed each with one hand on my back. My mouth hangs slightly open in shock. Even more so to see seth failing to hold back tears. I look at Jacob for an explanation only to see the taken aback expression on his face.
"What uh...?" I ask.
"It's a pack thing." Embry said to answer my confusion.
"When we have losses among the pack everyone feels it. So when everyone is done with patrol we do this for those who are grieving." Jared explained further.
"With our...responsibility we don't get to truly grieve our losses." Leah put in. "So Sam made us do this one night and it kinda just suck with us."
I tilt my head. But i wasn't apart of the pack... I'm just Jacobs imprint. I don't ask why though, i feel like it'd be rude to question such an intimate vulnerable gesture.
"I- thank you." I say looking down at the smooth surface of the rock.
We stay there awhile longer until Sam announces he and Paul have patrol. He tells the others to go home to their families leaving just Jacob and i.
"Ready to go?" Jacob asks.
"...yeah." I answer still staring at that rock. A marker for a grave. I take a moment to gather myself before rising to my feet.
Jacob nods and we walk into the forest where Jacob shifts into his wolf form before crouching down for me to climb atop his back. I tangle my fingers into his russet fur trying not to squeeze to tight. He grumbles and looks back me in question.
I give a nod and he instantly breaks into a run at full speed.
Minutes later we skid to a stop in front of the cullen mansion and i could already feel how tense Jacob was beneath my hands his hairs standing on end.
I climb down and walk around the giant wolf who's darkened eyes seem to fixate on the towering house. I caress his snout and his honey brown eyes drift to me.
"Ī nda yo." I rub my face against his much more hairy face. "I'm here. Nothings gonna happen." I look back into cautious eyes with devout conviction. He rumbles and walks away into the forest to shift. I turn back to the house.
It's good to be back.
A few minutes later jacob stood beside me still a little tense. "Ok lets get this over with." He sighs marching to the house like it was a chore.
Knowing the cullens, i don't bother knocking since they leave the doors unlocked almost twenty-four seven plus they most likely know i'm here already.
True to my thoughts as soon as i walked into the house i was nearly tackled with a hug from Alice.
"Aidzuki! You've been gone for so long. What happened with Victoria?" Alice looks me up in down taking in my appearance with concern.
Jasper appears next to her and lays a hand on her shoulder and i could tell he picked up on my grief.
"I think it's better if jacob tells it. I can't." I said tiredly. Jacob stands straight when all eyes turn to him. "I'm not telling the story while he's around." He motions to me with a tilt of his head. I could tell they had questions but didn't ask.
I was hoping edward would have been here to make this easier on jacob and i. But he must have fled to bella's house as soon as that demon was spotted between their lands. I was simultaneously glad though. If he misunderstood my intent to ONLY save hoshi and not hurt bella then this could turn out really bad. I was already worried about losing the cullens trust.
"Oh love you both look famished. Let me make something to eat for you two." Esme said as she gracefully gilded to me and framed my face with cold hands. I smile at her in appreciation. "Thank you. But we already ate."
"I can still eat." Jacob announced shamlessly. I roll my eyes, 'of course you can.'
"Oh i wouldn't mind making something for you. Anything specific?" She asks him her kindness as boundless as ever.
The air was tense still and the interaction a bit stained and forced but they were making a effort to be cordial so i said nothing and just watched.
Jacob thought for a bit. "Nachos? I guess." He scratched his neck.
"Coming right up." She walked off into the kitchen to begin cooking. I was left to watch everyone just stand around.
Just like when we met up in the clearing this time some were glaring, all except Carlisle really. Jacob glared right back openly and he seemed to somehow be stiffer then them. Probably at the aspect of being out numbered.
I huff and grab his hand not waiting for something to happen. I began pulling him to the stairs. "Guess i'll show you my room. We can talk when you guys are more... Or less hostile towards eachother." I grumble.
We were stopped by Carlisle words "No closed doors. You're only seventeen*."
The insinuations of his words gave me pause. Look back at jacob and simultaneously our faces turn red. " O-kay." I said and quickly walk up the stairs.
I purse my lips as i walk to my room hand still in jacobs. When we get there i give him a quick tour and we sit on the bed. "So what do you wanna do?" Jacob asks curiously.
"Hmmmm i honestly wanted the first thing we did together here was play some games." I look at jacob to see he's very excited. " Emmet has a lot of games."
"Mario kart?" He asks I nod.
"Call of duty?" I nod again.
" Sky-" i laugh. "YES! He has games that aren't even out yet. Oh! But i wanted to play Mortal kombat first. No one can beat me in that."
"You just haven't played me yet. I will annihilate you. Ask any of the pack." He said standing up eagerly.
I give a small smile. I didn't have the heart to tell him that WAS the plan. I didn't feel up to it now. But i didn't let it show as i to stood up. "We'll see. We have to sneak into his room first." I whisper to him like it was a secret.
He nods and i once again lead him by the hand to quietly sneak into emmets gaming room.
We keep our eyes and ears open as we unnecessarily tiptoe to our destination. If the cullens heard us they didn't say or do anything as their conversations continued.
Eventually we came across a closed door that had a 'KEEP OUT' sign on it. I let go of Jacobs hands to quietly open the door. I stand to the side to let him slide past and i back in making sure no one came as i slowly closed the door behind us.
Once inside securely jacob finds the switch and flicks it on and his eyes light up instantly. The room looked like a not so mini arcade with blue walls, terribly designed carpets, old and new arcade machines, a wall of video games on a shelf with a large TV in the middle, an impressive computer setup, another wall of consoles with hooks underneath to neatly hang the cords, a fridge 'probably stocked with blood' and cabinets, tables and gamer chairs and bean bag chairs.
"Am i in heaven?" Jacob asks dreamily while sitting in a dark green gaming chair.
I smile at his amazed face. I wonder if he's still aware he's in a vampires house. Jacob catches my attention when he stands up suddenly and wonders over to the shelf full of games and plucks one out.
"Got it." He said turns around holding up Mortal Kombat. "Now it's time to see who is really the undefeated champ."
*an hour or so later*
"JUMP! PUNCH! No no no! DAMMIT." Jacob whisper yells.
I giggle as i beat him again for the...i think 20th time. "Ready to admit defeat jacob. As i said i am undefeated." I said a bored smirk on my face. He sighs and eats more of his nachos.
Esme came in after hearing us in Emmets mini arcade to deliver jacobs 'order'. She told us everyone else was oblivious to our location when i asked if Emmet knows we're in here. She only found us when she walked up stairs and heard low curses. She then berated us for cursing and left.
"Yeah i don't think i could go another round anyway. Plus you look bored. You didn't have to play for so long. I saw you weren't into the idea in the first place." He polishes off his nachos and threw the plastic bowl in the bin in the corner.
I should of known he'd sense that. "Yeah but i wanted you to have fun here instead of worrying about being in a house of vampires."
"It's not so bad. My wolf is on edge and it smells like a trash bin of rotten fruit but so far there are no problem. So i'm good." He smiles warmly. "Thank you for worrying about me like that. I know today was hard for you i should be doing something to cheer you up."
I shrug. "We still can. I know what i wanna do." I stand up and turn everything off before heading for the door. Jacob follows quietly and curiously.
Right as i'm reaching for the handle i hear a subtle gush of air and the scent of alice rushes to my nose. I take a deep breath in and out to prepare myself for gods know what.
Opening the door i'm met with a calm but happy Alice. "Hey guys, nice to see you enjoying your time here mu- i mean jacob." Jake ground his teeth to keep from saying anything. "So we were just talking about graduation in a few days and i had to come up here to grab my planning book because... We're having a party here after!" She clasped her hands together with a wide smile. "And I would like to officially invite the both of you. Edward and Bella already know, I told them before they left to visit Bella's mom."
"oh, thank you Alice I'll be here. but I honestly can't imagine myself at a party until Victoria is dead. wouldn't mind hanging out afterwards though." I said plainly.
Alice frowned. "You never did tell us what happened..."
"Jacob can explain it and i'll be in my room." 'If he's comfortable being there himself.'
"I'll meet you there." Jacob said he locks eyes with Alice "And i'll be at the party. and uh, i'll bring some friends."
The three of us then walk down the hall together. After grabbing her planning book Alice continues her rant about the party long after I part ways with her and Jacob. I walk into my room and flop on my bed. All I wanted was to lay here in Jacobs arms and possibly sleep some more.
I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling. One of the worst parts about this whole thing besides the actual event of losing hoshi is that i know they will never understand our relationship. They'll never understand why i mourn her like someone would mourn a brother or sister.
She was never a pet. We don't even have pets at home. Not only that but i don't remember any of my people catching animals for anything but food and other necessities they're required for other then that we let nature run its course.
Hoshi and animals like her came to their companion around the time of their birth and kinda stick around for a long while. In all cases they'll eventually disappear. But i never learned why. I just know it's significant to the person they were attached to.
Hoshi was killed though. That scares me just as much as it saddens me. Because i don't know what that means for me. The moment she died i FELT it. I felt her energy slip away. Other then being the only one to understand what she was saying that feeling confirmed our connection. She was a part of me more then even i knew.
I start and sit up when jacob enters the room, i immediately started searching his face for any bad news. Not knowing how they'd take my almost betrayal was killing me.
His face was strained but he wasn't anymore tense then when he stepped on the cullen's land. To my dismay he just walked in and repeated my actions by flopping on the bed and lays his head in my lap. Anxious i watch him waiting for him to say something. anything.
Jacob looks at me and pulls a face. "Hey aidzuki... Why are you looking at me like that?"
"BAKA! Tell me what happened." I whisper yelled.
I saw the moment something clicked in his brain. "Oh that's what has you on end. Ok..." Jacob tells me that they were concerned for me overall but also confused, betrayed, and a little upset.
"And they're worried about how Edward will react. Him amd Bella went to visit her mom." Jacob purses his lips at that and his eyes flash.
He was also worried.
"I made it clear that if he tries anything, it'll be the End of him." Guilt gripped my chest. I wanted to bring them together but instead it seems like i am driving a wedge further between them.
"I appreciate it jake. But if something does happen... I can handle it myself. I don't want you or any of the pack fighting the Cullens and vice-versa." I look off to the side my ears flattening against my head.
"I understand that. I do... But you mean more to me then anything else. You're already dealing with so much i... Just want to be able to help you in some way." He grabs my hand and i look up at him.
"If i could take away your pain or go back in time to keep me from hurting you. I would in a heartbeat." He watches my face with a set jaw like he made up his mind about it.
I shake my head and take in a shuddering breath. "Jacob. I told you. You being here helps me a lot. And it's all i need at the moment."
"Company?" He questioned.
I shake my head again. "You."
He smiles. "And you'll have me for however long you want me."
I laugh at his cheesy reply. "I hope you have forever." I reply.
He smiles and we just gaze into each others eyes. His are Intense. Oddly authoritive. But somehow kind and gentle at the same time. The range of brown streaks that make up his irises were captivating the way the light caught the lighter streaks of brown giving the darker ones more depth somehow just hypnotized me.
"Oh yeah." I jump like I'd been caught when jacob suddenly exclaims
"What?" I asked.
"What is it you wanted to do." He asked looking around. "Cardboard game, movie, we can talk some more if ya want."
I shook my head and looked down at my very interesting soft blanket. "I just- i know it's not fun or anything but i was wondering if... You would lay here and j-just hold me." I feel heat sit on my cheeks as i draw circles into the comforter.
He snickered. "Of course. Honestly we could sit here and stare at each other and i'd be just as content."
My head snaps up to look at him my cheeks still warm. "Really?" He just nods and opens his arms for me to crawl into and i do almost instantly.
I sigh at his intense warmth when it envelops me along with his arms. I couldn't help but rub my face into his shoulder. After sitting in comfortable silence for a few minutes jacob shift so we were both laying on our sides facing each other.
I place my cheek on his chest his heartbeat very clear and strong. He settles with his chin on my head and breaths deeply. "So did you wanna talk?"
I shake my head as i stare at the ceiling feeling myself doze off. Jacob doesn't speak after that and we stay in that position long after i drift off to sleep.
*I made it so jacob and aidzuki are already closer to bella's age.