Okay, 12 days of writing hell, I finally completed the chapter! I hope you guys had an awesome Thanksgiving and were being responsible!
Let me just say that while I was writing, this chapter became really personal for me. When I started watching the show, I was struggling with my own sexuality. So when I saw the art from the creators with Shiro and Lance holding the LGBT sign, I was hopeful to get representation. So you can imagine my sadness and disappointment when the LGBT rep they promised us was handled so poorly and any form of rep that I saw in myself while I was struggling ceased to exist. Thankfully, I've grown to accept my sexuality, but that doesn't make the wound that VLD left any less big.
So what you're about to read in this chapter is basically a conversation that I wanted to see from the show that would've helped so many fans like me.
Anyway, I don't know if there's going to be another chapter for this month, but if it is I hope you guys have a wonderful holiday! (If there is another chapter, just disregard this message XD)
Once again, thank you for the support and thank you for so much for reading!
Onto the chapter!
Lance's eyes burned as he ran through the smoke, taking in the intense heat. He scanned the area frantically, trying to find any semblance of his leader, but to no avail. He halted his running as he felt another round of coughs emerging from his throat, bringing his hand up to his mouth while doing so. After a minute, he finally released his hand from his mouth, his eyes recognizing the small red puddle that formed within his palm. Within seconds, his head began to pound as he began to walk on shaking legs. As soon as he took the first few steps, he heard a pained yell shout through the smoke.
"Keith..." Lance rasped out, trying to slowly speed up his pace. He felt tears fall from his eyes as his vision slowly began to blur. However, he noticed a tall figure in the distance coming towards him. He could make out the outline of their broad shoulders and protruding ears. The figure began to chuckle as they started to come closer.
"Where's your black paladin now?" the figure chuckled menacingly. Lance's remaining breath caught in his throat. Zethrid. The red paladin wretched forward as he let out another violent cough, not surprised at the copper taste filling his mouth. He tried to regain his breath as he began to take long strides backwards in an attempt to distance himself from Zethrid, but that didn't stop him from hearing her laugh in wicked satisfaction. Using all the strength he could muster, he summoned his bayard into its rifle form, using all the energy he could muster to make sure his the aching muscles in his arms didn't cause him to drop it. He held his breath and made himself still as Zethrid's figure suddenly stopped.
"It doesn't matter what you have against me...YOU'RE NEXT!" she shouted as she lunged at the red paladin. Lance clenched his eyes shut as he instinctively set his finger on the trigger and fired. He felt the vibrations from the gun spread through his bones as he fell to his knees, exhausted and worn. He slowly opened one of his eyes to see that Zethrid's figure had completely vanished, almost as if she was never there. The red paladin struggled once more to catch his breath, a plethora of tears streaming down his face. He was in so much pain he didn't recognize the sound of footsteps coming from behind him.
"Lance."
Lance turned his head quickly toward the sound of the voice, his one eye widening slightly as the smoke around the red paladin began to clear away and exposed the holder of the voice that spoke his name. It was Keith, and aside from the few scratches that plagued his face he was okay. For the first time in what felt like hours, Lance took in a deep breath, not paying attention to how quickly he rose to his feet to look at him or how the searing flames that were consuming his lungs earlier seemed to evaporate into nothing. His face was truly that of a fish out of water as he gazed upon his leader.
"You came back." Lance exhaled in relief, his voice clear. He felt that familiar heat flow through his body as Keith smiled.
"Of course I did."
Lance sighed as he began to stir in his bed, still feeling the remnants of the heat that continued to flow through his very being. He smiled to himself, allowing himself to relish in the heat that remained before he felt the blare of the ceiling lights on his eyelids. He opened his eyes slowly, adjusting to the brightness slowly. As he dragged his hand down his face, he was slightly surprised to make contact with plastic covering the better part of his nose and mouth before remembering what it was. Relax, it's just the oxygen mask. He slowly started to sit up in his bed and laid back against it, relishing in the calm the silence brought him after such a comforting dream. It would soon be short-lived, however, when the door to his hospital room opened.
"Oh good! You're awake!" Allura said in surprise. Lance's eyes widened in shock as he quickly sat himself up in his bed and in turn making himself slightly dizzy.
"Allura? What are you doing here?" Lance asked somewhat cooly, trying to play off his earlier reaction.
"I was just peeping in to check on you before meeting with Coran, but since you're awake I want to talk to you." Allura stated simply, closing the door behind her and walking around Lance's hospital bed before sitting herself down in the chair next to him. Lance could only look at the princess in confusion as any sign of peace quickly began to flush out of the room.
"So, what's up?" Lance asked cautiously. Allura clasped her hands together firmly as her expression changed into a serious one.
"Why did you do that?" Allura asked. The recovering paladin raised an eyebrow in confusion, clearly not understanding the question, "Why did you separate yourself from the team like that?" she asked. Lance kept his look of confusion as he began to speak.
"What are you talking about? I didn't separate myself from the team." Lance responded.
"You were supposed to go with me, Pidge, and Hunk. By leaving, you exposed yourself to danger!" Allura replied, slightly raising her voice. Lance stayed calm as he continued to talk calmly to the princess.
"We were already in danger the moment we landed. And besides, it's not like I went out on my own. I was with Keith the entire time."
"And look how that turned out." Lance recoiled from Allura, looking at her incredulously.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Lance asked, agitation slowly building. Allura sighed, covering her eyes with her hand
"Never mind. It doesn't matter anymore." Allura said. Annoyance slowly started to bubble in Lance's chest, a far cry from the peace and serenity he had felt when he first woke up. He would probably come to regret asking further than this, but at this moment he could ho early care less.
"Yes it does. You clearly have something you want to say so just say it." Lance pushed. Allura turned back to look at him, a look of slight anger reaching her eyes.
"If Keith had just convinced you to stay with us, the only thing you would have to worry about is exhaustion and slight oxygen loss. Instead, not only were you almost depleted of oxygen, but the smoke from the volcano caused you to cough up blood and pass out! We were worried that your lungs had collapsed!" Lance closed his eyes and removed his mask from his face, breathing deeply in annoyance before opening his eyes to stare at the covers on top of him.
"So you're saying this is Keith's fault?" the red paladin asked with gritted teeth.
"I'm not saying that. I'm trying to say that even though he was there, he wasn't able to protect you." Allura responded after a moment. That was the last straw for the red paladin. He could take her being mad at him for leaving. He could take her being mad at him for almost getting himself killed. But there was no way in hell he was going to take her implying Keith was at fault for him being in his hospital bed. He scoffed as a result.
"But he did protect me! He looked out for me the entire time we were going up the volcano! He looked after me when I first started feeling the effects of the smoke! He even led me away from the oncoming rebels!" Lance raised his voice. Allura looked at him in shock, not expecting him to respond like this. But she still wanted to get her point across as she leaned in to him.
"And he's fine, Lance! He came out fine!"
"Fine? He was almost beaten to a pulp by Zethrid and was put into a chokehold! Sure, I was in a bad spot but so was he! Hell, none of us came out fine!" Allura stood up from her seat, her anger and concern obvious.
"I know that! But you got the worse of it! All because-"
"ALLURA!" Lance shouted desperately, but not before releasing a hard couple of coughs. Allura held her tongue as she looked at him in concern and regret. The Altean went to reach out for him but Lance held out his hand, signaling for her not to as he quickly put his mask back on as he tried to regain control of his breathing. She looked down at the floor in shame as she slowly sat back down into her chair. She was embarrassed at the way she reacted. She knew it wasn't Keith's fault for Lance getting hurt, but she couldn't help but to think about what could've happened if Lance didn't make it. If the Atlas didn't get to them in time. She was so lost in thought that she hadn't realized that Lance had ceased coughing.
"Allura, listen. I get that you were probably scared for me going off on my own away from the group like that. But I'm telling you this now, choosing to go with Keith was MY decision, no one else's. I went with Keith because I'm his right-hand and I wanted to make sure that he was okay. And yeah, he could probably take care of himself, but I knew he had my back." Allura sighed once more as she finally raised her head, looking into Lance's eyes.
"I know he did. I'm sorry, Lance. I just really didn't want you to get hurt. When I saw Shiro carry you onto the Atlas like, I-I was horrified." she said grimly. Lance looked at her sadly.
"So was he." he whispered, remembering the way Keith had screamed his name after he shot Zethrid.
"You're right. You're absolutely right. I know you were doing the right thing when you chose to leave the armor and go with Keith. With everything going on with the Alteans, Honerva, and everything in between, I've been acting in ways that I shouldn't be. I'm truly sorry." Allura apologized, regretting almost everything she had said to him. Lance gave her a small smile in response.
"Thanks." Allura smiled back as she reached forward and grabbed his hand. Lance blushed at the unexpected action as he looked down at their connected hands before looking back up at the princess, whom was also looking at their hands.
"It's just, you've been so distant lately. I was getting worried." Allura said quietly before looking back up at Lance with a pitiful expression. Lance gulped, anxiety slowly overcoming him as she kept a firm grasp of his hand.
"S-Sorry. I-I didn't mean to scare you." Lance stammered. "I've j-just had a lot on my mind so I've just been a bit out of it." Allura hummed in response. The red paladin shifted awkwardly. Any other time, he would be ecstatic at the thought of Allura holding his hand and worrying about him. But right now, he couldn't help but to feel the opposite. Allura was the one taking action while he was the one who was keeping his distance.
"I understand. But please know you can talk to me about anything I care about you, Lance. And...I need you." Allura replied, staring at Lance longingly as she leaned in more. Lance could only stare at her in awe of her boldness, but he was secretly hoping she wouldn't go any further than this. Luckily, she wouldn't be able to thanks to a couple of knocks on the door before it was opened.
"Lance? You up?" Lance turned his head quickly to the source of the voice, releasing his hand from Allura's grip to straighten himself up as best he could in his bed.
"Keith! What's up, man?" Lance asked quickly, his voice carrying a slight tone of elation. Allura was blindsided at Lance's change in demeanor. Not too long ago, he was still somewhat distant and had just come down from their argument. And now, it was almost as if he had been revived with a newfound energy vigor. She was relieved to see him this way, but that didn't stop her from thinking how she wished it had been because of her.
"I just wanted to check in on you." Keith responded, taking a couple of steps in to the room before stopping, his expression holding nervousness but still trying to appear calm. Allura looked between the two of them before getting up from her seat, making her way towards the door.
"Well, I'll leave you two to it." Allura said quickly, looking back at Lance briefly before turning back. Keith moved to the side to allow her to fit through the door frame, resulting in her whispering a quick 'thank you' to the Black Paladin before closing the door. She leaned her back on it for a brief moment, allowing the events of what just happened to sink in. She took a deep breath before getting off the door and walking away to meet with Coran.
Keith looked at the door briefly before turning to Lance.
"I hope I didn't interrupt anything. It seemed like you two were talking about something important." Keith inquired, hoping he hadn't made things awkward with his newfound presence. Lance shook his head quickly, waving his hand in a nonchalant motion.
"Oh, no! Not at all! It was kind of finishing up, anyway." Lance replied reassuringly. "It's good to see you." Keith felt heat flow through the back of his neck as he sent the Cuban boy a small smile.
"It's good to see you, too." Lance sent him a smile of his own as he made a motion with his hand towards the chair next to him. Keith hesitated for a moment before walking around the bed. Lance allowed himself to lean back comfortably in his bed as Keith took his seat, placing his arms on top of his knees as he leaned towards him. Lance couldn't help but to focus on Keith as he looked at the floor awkwardly, almost as if he was nervous to be there. It was kind of endearing, to be honest. It was a nice change of pace to be a part of a somewhat comfortable silence rather than be in a suffocating vex of arguing. After a few moments, Keith finally looked up at the red paladin.
"So, did you sleep okay?" Keith asked hesitatingly. Lance looked down for a moment before looking back at Keith's vibrant purple eyes, eyes that were relaxed and yet held small amounts of concern.
"Yeah, though I did have a dream about everything that happened." Lance shrugged nervously. Keith felt his chest tighten at the statement. He knew it would be virtually impossible for anyone to not think or dream about something as traumatic as that, but he at least wanted to be hopeful for him having some sort of peace while he was recovering. Keith sighed before putting his hand on Lance's shoulder, holding it firmly.
"Hey, it's over now." Keith reassured, his voice a good octave lower than usual. "You're gonna be okay." Lance couldn't help but to blush. He didn't realize the breath he had been holding until he exhaled at his words, the heat from when he woke up slowly returning. That sense of calm and security. The comfortability in his bones. The peace in the atmosphere. The peace and security that only Keith could give him. Lance smiled at him.
"I know, man. But don't worry. It wasn't as bad as you think it was. It was less of a nightmare and more of a memory, if that makes sense." Lance explained. Keith nodded, showing he understood.
"So, you're good in the mental sense?"
"Yeah, I think so." Lance replied, nodding his head firmly. Keith smiled in relief, removing his hand from Lance's shoulder. Lance couldn't help but to miss his grip.
"Well, that's good. And physically?"
"I'm okay. My lungs are no longer deep fried in smoke so I guess that's a good thing." Lance joked, causing Keith to release a small chuckle at the quip. "Although, I did give myself a coughing fit earlier when I took off my mask."
Keith raised his brow in confusion.
"Why the hell did you take off your mask?" Lance released a deep sigh as he placed his head on his hand, thinking back to the argument from earlier.
"I don't wanna talk about it." Lance replied, sounding exhausted. Keith slowly leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms and swinging his leg on top of the other.
"Allura?" Keith asked, already knowing the answer. Lance raised his head quickly and looked at Keith, who was showing signs of a smirk. How the hell? Knowing he couldn't sugarcoat it, he simply nodded.
"We kinda...got into a fight." Lance said somberly. Keith's eyes widened in shock. Lance? Arguing with Allura? The girl he was in love with? That statement alone didn't even sound right. Was it really that bad that Lance felt the need to take off his breathing mask?
"What happened?" Lance let out a chuckle deprived of humor.
"You wouldn't like what I have to say."
"Try me." The red paladin glanced at the black paladin, taking in the way he was sitting and looking at him. He was probably the only person who could pull off a serious look while looking relaxed as hell. Focus, Lance! Focus! Lance let out a fake cough as he started to explain.
"Well, she was kind of mad at me for choosing to go with you over her, Hunk, and Pidge. She thought I was putting myself into more danger than we were already in, but I already knew that going in. To summarize, I risked my life and she didn't like that, so we argued." Lance explained, gripping the covers firmly. A part of him wanted to tell Keith how Allura went on to blame him for him getting hurt, but the last thing he wanted was for Keith to feel bad that. It wasn't as if he wanted him to die, he had his hands tied. Needless to say, Lance was hoping Keith didn't push the topic and just leave it be. But alas, life is fair.
"And that alone was enough to make you take off your mask?" Keith inquired skeptically. Fuck my life. Lance took a peek out the corner of his eye to glance at Keith, who was still keeping his collected expression and relaxed posture. Lance groaned before pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Lance, I can tell there's something more to this. But if you don't feel like telling me, you don't have to." Keith relented, not wanting to stress Lance out further. Lance laid his hand back in his lap.
"Thanks. And I want to tell you, but it's just a lot." Lance replied tiredly. "But what about you? How have you been?" Lance redirected. As much as he appreciated Keith making sure he was okay, Lance knew that he didn't come off the volcano planet unsaved either. He may have had black lungs and bloody coughs, but at least he didn't get beaten to a pulp by one of Lotor's former generals.
Keith's eyes widened from being put on the spot, but he could only chuckle as he knew sooner or later Lance was going to ask him how he was doing.
"I'm okay. Just got banged up a bit, but nothing I can't handle. Though I should be thanking you for that." the black paladin confessed, giving Lance a grateful expression. The red paladin let out a blush, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. In a way he still couldn't believe it.
He saved him.
He actually saved him.
"It was nothing really." Lance said, attempting to sound nonchalant. Keith shook his head in disagreement, leaning in as he did so.
"No, it isn't. Not to me. Despite everything that happened to you, you were able to summon your bayard and save me. I'm sorry, Lance, but I just can't call that nothing." Keith replied wholeheartedly.
"How did you do it?" he asked.
Lance turned his head and looked at Keith.
"I just didn't want to lose you."
Keith's breath caught in his throat at the confession. He felt the rapid beats within his chest as he tried to remain calm. A part of him felt as though he only meant it in a platonic effect, something he didn't take issue in considering how he still might be working through his feelings with Allura. But that didn't mean there was another part of him that wasn't hopeful that he meant something more behind it. Regardless, hearing those words made Keith's insides swell, and luckily it wasn't from smoke or punches to the gut.
Keith placed his gloved hand on Lance's knee, squeezing it gently. Lance blushed even further at the motion as he held his breath, waiting for what Keith had to say.
"That's not going to happen." Keith whispered, smiling gently. Lance felt himself start to heat up even further as he caught Keith get up from his seat, leaning his face towards him as he gazed his glowing purple orbs into his gleaming blue ones. Close. He's so close. Fuck.
"So I'd appreciate it if you had more faith in me."
Huh?
Lance was frozen in place as he watched Keith slowly lean away from him, a smirk filling his entire face as he struggled to contain his laughter. Lance, whose face has now turned into that of a tomato, shoved (quite pathetically) the half Galran away from him.
"S-Shut up, mullet!" Lance stuttered. Unfortunately, he didn't get a proper response considering Keith was currently leaned back into the chair, struggling to contain his laughter as he held his hand over his mouth.
"I'm not sorry!" Keith giggled, before tilting his head backwards in full laughter. He was so busy laughing that he didn't notice the wide-eyed look the red paladin was giving him as he observed him.
The way his smile seemed to gleam brighter than the ceiling lights.
The way he had one of his legs in front of him on the ground to keep him from slipping off the chair.
The way his eyes were squeezed tight in glee as tears threatened to fall.
It didn't take long before Lance allowed himself to laugh alongside him, his blush still remaining on his face. He'd laugh harder, but he still cherished his lungs and didn't want them to bruise.
Finally, he was able to release a laugh. Not a laugh of convince. Not a pained laugh. Not an awkward laugh.
But a real, genuine laugh filled with enjoyment and freedom. And it was all because of Keith.
Keith was the one who gave him this. And as the laughter grew, so did his guilt.
Knock, knock, knock.
"Hi. I hope you don't mind a visit." Lance smiled gratefully at his new visitor.
"Not at all. I'm actually glad you're here."
Shiro closed the door behind him gently before taking a couple of steps towards Lance's bed. He had meant to come and check up on Lance sooner, but he got caught up with filling out incident reports and checking up on the status of the Atlas. Luckily, he was able to finish everything up quickly so he could check on Lance's condition. The last time he saw the red paladin was when he first woke up after being rushed to the Garrison ICU, so he at least wanted to see if he was feeling any better compared to before.
"I meant to come and check up on you sooner, but I've been a little bit swamped." Shiro confessed, crossing his arms over the footboard of Lance's bed as he bent. Lance shrugged, a half smile on his face.
"That's okay. I hope visiting me isn't too much trouble." Shiro quickly shook his head in disagreement, a smile of reassurance making an appearance.
"Never. So, how are you?"
"Physically, I'm getting better. The doctor said that I might be able to get that thing that they put in people's noses to breathe instead of this!" Lance said semi-enthusiastically, pointing to his mask.
"You mean a nasal cannula?" Shiro asked while chuckling.
"Yeah that! As for everything else..." Lance let out a heavy sigh before blowing an unenthusiastic raspberry, emphasizing how bad his "everything else" really was. The former black paladin frowned at the response.
"Why? What happened?" he asked in concern.
"Well, it kinda has something to do with Allura...and Keith." Lance confessed. Shiro's eyes widened slightly. He knew Keith was struggling with his feelings for Lance due to the former being in love with Allura, but he knew Keith was keeping that pain to himself as to not blindside or upset Lance. So hearing that Lance was having an issue concerning both Keith AND Allura was alarming. However, it could be something completely different, so Shiro asked anyway.
"Did Keith say something bad about you or Allura?" Shiro asked cautiously. Lance shook his head quickly.
"No, no. It's nothing like that. It's a bit more complicated than that. I don't even know where to begin." Lance replied, lowering his head. Shiro lifted himself up from the footboard and walked closer to Lance, plopping himself on his hospital bed as he rested his knee on the mattress and leaned in attentively.
"That's okay, you can just start from the beginning. Did it start on your date with Allura?" Shiro asked. Lance shrugged slowly.
"Technically?" Lance replied in the form of a question, elongating the "y." Shiro raised one of his eyebrows in confusion. Lance waved his hands in front of him.
"Okay, okay, okay! Let me explain." Lance took a deep breath before slowly taking off his mask. Shiro preferred for him to keep it on, but he decided to leave it alone until he felt that he needed to put it back on.
"It happened during the date, but it was because of what happened before the date, if that makes sense." Lance clarified. Shiro let out a hum, showing his understanding.
"Okay, so, remember when I bumped into you and I asked where Keith was? Well, I went to go see him and we talked for a bit, but, then I had to go and get ready. But I'll get back to that later." Lance recounted. The Atlas captain nodded his head.
"Okay. So what happened with Allura?" Shiro inquired. Lance sighed heavily.
"Well, we went out and it was going great. We had dinner with my family, they loved her, we had a nice meal, all that good stuff. After that, we went to a nearby park and talked some more and one thing led to another and then...we were about to kiss. She initiated it but, I couldn't do it." Lance ran a shaky hand through his hair repeatedly as he looked down.
"Why didn't you?" Shiro asked the red paladin. Lance's hand ceased its movement.
"Because what Allura wanted me to do was what I almost did to Keith." Shiro's eyes grew for a bit before going back to their original size. To say that he didn't expect that revelation was quite the understatement.
"You almost kissed Keith?" Shiro asked. Lance nodded.
"I can't explain it. We were just talking and joking. Next thing I know, our faces were almost touching and...he was just sitting there and the sunlight was on him and he just looked so, so good a-and his voice was just- I don't k-know what came over me and I just f-felt like-" the red paladin wasn't able to finish his sentence as he let out a few coughs, his throat getting dry. Shiro lunged forward and grabbed his mask, gently placing it over his nose and mouth again as Lance took deep breaths. Shiro waited until he stopped a couple of minutes later to talk to him again.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. Thanks." Lance said weakly. The room grew silent for a moment as Lance thought about what to say next. Shiro looked at his hands as he gave him a chance to think, not wanting him to feel pressured to explain anything further.
"I'm horrible, aren't I?" Shiro raised his head quickly, looking at Lance in disbelief.
"What do you mean?" he inquired once more. Lance sat back against his pillows, looking at his tightly clasped hands.
"I've been in love with her for so long and I couldn't even kiss her. All because I was thinking about someone else. Some guy I am, huh?" he chuckled sadly.
"Lance, there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you did. You didn't kiss her because you felt bad for thinking about someone else. It can happen, but that doesn't make you a bad guy in any way." Shiro stated firmly. Lance shook and lowered his head in response.
"But that's what it feels like. I was with Allura. I was on a date with Allura. I was going to kiss Allura, but I thought about Keith!" he whined, his hands slowly going up to grip his brown locks.
"And that's okay! You were in a similar position with him the way you were with Allura. Lots of people think of different things when they're having a moment with another person." Shiro said reassuringly.
"But I shouldn't be thinking about Keith like that!" Lance yelled, tears forming in the corners of his ocean eyes. Shiro's brow flicked upwards at the response.
"What do you mean by 'like that?'" the captain questioned. Lance took another deep breath before exhaling, his mask fogging up.
"I mean, Keith. He's...a guy. I shouldn't be feeling this way, right? I'm supposed to like girls like Allura. I mean, she's amazing and strong and beautiful and confident! But, so is Keith. Strong. Incredible. Brave. And I'll would be lying if I said that he wasn't attractive. He can do amazing things, too. I l-care for Allura so much, but I have these feelings for this guy that's been my teammate and friend."
Tears spilled down Lance's cheeks as he revealed everything to his hero.
"I mean, he used to be my rival. Lance and Keith, neck and neck. But somewhere down the line, I-I didn't want to be rivals anymore. And, after we lost you, he was there for me while he was trying to be a leader. B-but then your clone came and he just up and left. So I was all alone. I d-didn't have anyone. And the more alone I felt, t-the more I missed him. And ached for him. And then Lotor came and Allura was with him. And I just-"
"Lance?"
Lance finally raised his head to look up at Shiro. He was met with the most pained expression he ever saw, dark gray eyes brimming with tears of their own.
"How long have you felt like this?" Shiro rasped. Lance's shoulders began to shake.
"Too long." he whimpered, before sobs of pain and anguish forced themselves out of his throat. Shiro scooted closer to the young man, wrapping his arms around him as pulled him in, resting his face against his shoulder as he felt him grasp at his uniform. The former paladin stroked his back gently.
"Lance, I need you to listen to me very carefully. There is NOTHING wrong with having feelings for another guy. Absolutely nothing. Don't let anyone or anything tell you how you're supposed to love. Also, it's totally fine to have feelings for guys and girls." Shiro swallowed the lump that tried to form in his throat as he tried to keep his voice steady.
"And I am so, so sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed someone to lean on. I know I'm not Keith, but I would've been there to listen and make you feel less alone. I don't remember everything that my clone did in my place, but I know he wasn't the support you deserved and I can't apologize enough." Lance shook his head against Shiro's shoulder as he sniffled, his sobs still coming and going.
"P-please Shiro. Don't say you're sorry. I know you would've given anything to be there. You d-didn't ask to leave." Lance replied, his voice muffled against the fabric of Shiro's uniform. He slowly raised his head from his shoulder, wiping his eyes with one of his hands while the other continued to grasp Shiro's uniform tightly.
"I've just been so confused. That whole time Allura was getting close to Lotor and I thought that I never had a chance. Next thing I know she actually starts to see me and at first I thought it was weird as she just started to like me but I just ignored it. And now I have all these feelings towards Keith. Some I can describe and some I can't. It's just too much." Lance sighed heavily. Shiro gripped his shoulder firmly as he looked at the young man.
"I can tell. No one expects you to figure this out overnight. This is something you need to work through for yourself. You know yourself best." Shiro spoke gently.
"Do I?' Lance asked skeptically.
"Yes, you do. You know how you feel about Allura and I think you have some grasp on how you feel for Keith. You already took the first step in acknowledging them, so that's at least a start." Shiro affirmed, giving Lance a small, reassuring smile. The red paladin still looked conflicted as he rubbed his neck awkwardly.
"Um, are you sure that it's okay for me to like guys and girls?" Lance asked nervously. Shiro nodded immediately.
"Yes, I promise you it is. Everyone loves differently.. Yes, most people like the opposite gender. But there are people who like the same gender and there are people who like more than one gender. There are even some people who don't prefer a gender at all, among others. Believe me, Lance, I understand how hard it can be feeling like something's wrong because of who I love. But learning and understanding it can help you figure out who you are."
Lance was gobsmacked at Shiro's words. He didn't expect him to have such a firm grasp and understanding on his feelings. It definitely made him feel less scared of everything.
"Wow. You really know what it's like, huh?" Lance chuckled. Shiro tilted his head to the side, letting out a chuckle of his own.
"Well, I would hope so. Considering the person I've been for 26 years wouldn't be me if I never went through what you did." Shiro quipped. Lance perked his eyebrow at Shiro's statement, tilting his head in confusion. Shiro couldn't help but to laugh at his reaction.
"Lance, I'm gay." The red paladin's eyes grew into saucers at the revelation.
Shiro.
Takashi Shirogane.
Former paladin of the Black Lion.
His hero.
His friend.
He understood him.
Because he was gay.
"Wait? Really?!" Lance gasped in shock. Shiro nodded, smiling. "That's crazy! I had no idea!"
"Well, with the exception of Keith, no one really does. I'm not ashamed of who I am or who I love. It's just something I choose to confide with the people close to me and the people I trust." Shiro spoke honestly. Warmth filled Lance's chest as new tears approached the surface of his eyes. No words could describe how honored he was to know that his hero trusted him with something so personal. Just Shiro casually coming out to him made him more of a hero in Lance's eyes. He couldn't imagine how much hardship he must've went through after discovering he was gay and telling people. He couldn't help but to smile graciously.
"So, how did Keith feel?" Lance inquired, a newfound curiosity overtaking him.
"He was pretty nonchalant about it. Even though he was a kid when I first met him, he understood the concept and didn't ask any questions. Though he came to ask me questions a few years down the line."
"Really? Why?"
"Well, that's something you need to hear from Keith. But he was nothing but supportive. My sexuality didn't lessen his view of me or who I was with." Shiro finished. Lance was relieved. He might have considered Keith to be a loner and a jerk at one point, but he was sure as hell glad that he wasn't close-minded.
"Were you with anyone?" Lance asked eagerly.
"Yeah. When I had met Keith, I was already in a committed relationship with a man named Adam." Shiro's face grew a bittersweet smile as he remembered his lover. "That man was the love of my life. We were actually engaged before the Kerberos mission." Lance's smile began to falter slightly. He had a feeling there was going to be a less than happy ending to this story.
"What happened?" Shiro's smile dropped.
"Due to medical reasons, he didn't like the fact that I was going ahead on the mission. I admit, this wasn't the first time I had wanted to do something risky with him disapproving. I was always one for wanting to break records and chase thrills. But this time, he couldn't sit by and watch me do it, so he broke off the engagement."
"And then you went on the mission and got captured." Lance added. Shiro sighed deeply.
"That's right. And when we got back to Earth, that's when I found out that he had been killed during the siege on Earth." Lance's heart dropped. This man has definitely been to hell and back. He gets kidnapped by the Galra, forced to fight for entertainment, ends up dying and trapped inside the Black Lion and gets replaced by a clone, and now he had to come home and find out that the man he loved was murdered in cold blood by the same Galra that took him in the first place. The universe truly does have a sick fascination with making the innocent go through the most hell. Lance leaned forward and placed his hand on Shiro's knee in comfort.
"I'm so sorry, Shiro. This might mean nothing but, I'm sure that he still loved you." Lance said reassuringly, a stray tear escaping his eye. The former paladin smiled at Lance's comforting words.
"Thanks. I hope so." Shiro let out a sigh before brushing off the tears that tried to come up. "But back to you, take as much time to figure out who you are. Once you do, you'll have a good grasp on what you want to do moving forward." Lance nodded his head in agreement.
"Okay. But what do I do about Allura and Keith?"
"Just do what you feel makes you comfortable. You may want to interact with them. You may want to avoid them. You might even want to interact with one but avoid the other. And that's okay. However, I will say that should they ask why, it's best to be honest. You can either tell them everything you've been feeling or just say that you're figuring stuff out and just need space for the time being." Shiro suggested.
"Well, I've already kinda been keeping Allura at arm's length and talking to Keith so I guess I'm taking your advice." Lance shrugged. "But should she ask, I'll try to be honest."
"That's good. And if you have any questions or if you just need to vent, NEVER hesitate to come and find me. I'll even find time to talk while I'm working out." Shiro joked, gaining a laugh from the red paladin.
Shiro smiled proudly at the young man sitting in front of him. He knew that Lance was struggling and there were some things he would need to take care of his own, but seeing him choosing to take these next steps into figuring out who he is made the Atlas captain swell with pride. He might not have been there when these issues first arose, but he was willing to do anything and everything in his power to be there for him and do whatever he could to be a source of comfort, compassion, and understanding. No matter how big or small.
"So, is there anything else I can do? I still have time on my hands." Shiro asked, ready to be of service. Lance thought for a moment before he looked up at him, a huge smile filling his face.
"Can you tell me some funny stories of Keith as a kid?" Lance asked gleefully.
Shiro's eyes widened at the request, but he couldn't help but laugh, even though there was a chance Keith would murder him if he found out about this. He couldn't help but to smile at Lance's hopeful expression as he got up and walked around the bed, sat in the chair, and patted Lance's back.
"Absolutely."