Chapter 12: Buy Two, get a Flaming Spear Free!
The pathetic excuse for a boat sank as soon as we made dock at Seattle, no real surprise there, but at least we were on solid ground again when it happened. The Pax would not be missed, really. I had been secretly praying to Dad that nobody I knew would recognize me in that embarrassing rowboat. I'd never hear the end of it, if Ares found out.
Aside from that, it was much easier to find the Amazons than it should have been. Nothing had any right to be so blatantly obvious, and yet so appallingly inconspicuous.
Frank, Hazel, and I walked into the headquarters for 'Amazon'. Yes, like the internet shopping website. Of course, it was the one of us who was 'blast from the past' who spotted the building, labeled as simply 'Amazon'.
"Oh," Frank had stuttered behind me, turning to Hazel to explain. "Uh, no, Hazel. That's a modern thing. They're a company, right? They sell stuff on the internet. They're not actually Amazons."
"Unless," I had said, moving towards the building. 'They're actually Amazons.' I finished in my thoughts.
As soon as I stepped into the building, I could immediately sense that this was the case. I could feel the earth under me (Thanks dad!); I felt the cavernous storehouses below, the fleet of forklifts below that, the cafeteria (Which seemed to take up a full floor!), and multitudes of people walking around. We walked up to the girl at the counter, whose nametag read 'KINZIE'. She smiled, but I noticed that she only nodded towards Hazel, completely ignoring both me and Frank. I was on edge. Wasn't there some myth specifically about the Amazons? Annabeth would just whisper it to me if she were here. Something about genders I thought…
"May I help you?" she asked Hazel, specifically. As if she were also adding subtly, you men can just go die now.
"Um… I hope so," Hazel said. "We're looking for Amazons."
Kinzie tried to subtly take inventory of our armaments (Another word Annabeth would be so proud of!), but it was nearly impossible for me not to notice. In fact, as I looked over my friends' faces, I could see that none of them had missed it. There's no way she should've been able to see them through the Mist. She knew who we were.
"This is the main campus for Amazon," she began, trying to keep up the charade as if we weren't toting several magical weapons. "Did you have an appointment with someone, or—"
"Hylla," I said, my patience for this charade ending. "We're looking for a girl named—"
I nearly missed it. Kinzie leapt over the desk moving at very high speeds, and ninja-kicked Frank in the chest. I was mildly impressed as he flew backwards; it couldn't be easy to throw Frank around like that. He was a big guy.
Then she dashed towards me, drawing a sword that I hadn't seen before.
In only an instant, I had drawn Riptide and parried her attack, vaulting over her as she attempted to trip me with the flat of her sword. I landed behind her, and shoved forward, causing her to topple. But at the last second, she caught herself and flipped upward. She brandished her sword at me, but could not hide the look of begrudged respect in her eyes. She obviously hadn't been fairly challenged by a male in a long time.
With horribly late timing, my brain made the connection. 'Amazons were a matriarchy. Frank and I are in trouble.'
Suddenly, several other guards, all female, stormed in with momentary glances of shock as they saw me standing on equal footing with Kinzie, weapon drawn. Hazel seemed to have only just drawn her sword, having no time to process Kinzie's attacks. I backed up, Hazel and I standing back to back. Kinzie sheathed her sword as the soldiers surrounded us. Frank got up from the floor and joined us, his hands wrapping around his spear, threatening to bring it out. Kinzie studied us for a moment, before speaking.
"First rule: Males don't speak without permission. Second rule, trespassing on our territory is punishable by death. You'll meet Queen Hylla, all right. She'll be the one deciding your fate."
With some visible self-satisfaction Kinzie took my sword, and gave it to a guard to confiscate. I handed it over, knowing that as soon as the guard put it down, it would reappear in my pocket.
As the guards began searching Hazel, I remembered the firewood in her pocket. I could see she was visibly nervous about it. For just a moment, I transported the firewood into my pockets, which had already been searched. Once the Amazons finished Hazel, I returned it, with no one the wiser.
I let the Amazons walk me down an aisle of boxes, towers of random merchandise, as we tread down the maze of catwalks.
Hazel seemed… enraged, when she saw many men wearing iron collars. The ideas of slaves obviously upset her, and with good reason. Kinzie said that the men 'simply knew their place', and I felt my hands crackle with invisible energy.
Kinzie went on to monologue about how the Amazon empire was the greatest, and would eventually take over the world, blah, blah, blah; the usual stuff.
"… Then—when the when the weak mortals depend on us for everything—the revolution will begin!"
"What are you going to do?" Frank muttered under his breath. "Cancel free shipping?"
I laughed out loud, but my laughter turned into anger as one of the guards gripped her sword and slammed the hilt into Frank's gut. I stopped walking, and bent down to help him up, when two other guards held their swords against my throat. Though I was in no real danger, that pesky reminder that I was supposed to be undercover forced me to back up again, as though the sword points hurt me.
Kinzie went on again, telling us how inferior mortal males were to females.
"We are wiser, stronger—"
"More humble," I added through my teeth.
The guards' hands flew to their swords, probably to smack me in the stomach as well. I saw the blow coming early, and I simply leaned backwards as her hand flew over my face.
"Stop it!" Hazel barked, and to everyone's surprise, the guards actually did.
From there, it seemed pretty smooth sailing. We'd go and talk with this Hylla, she'd see Reyna's ring and letter of recommendation that proved I was a friend, and we'd recruit their help. Hopefully, they'd apologize for smacking Frank around, too.
'Yeah, and when they do that we can all have a tea party,' my brain replied sarcastically.
'Shut up and be optimistic,' I thought back to my brain.
The plan, however, dissolved into water as soon as I rounded the corner and saw the queen.
'Seriously!?' I thought. 'Of course, they're sisters.'
There in front of me stood the other half to Reyna, looking different from when I had seen her on the isle of Circe. The other handmaiden who had had a clipboard when she had greeted us. She glanced at us as we entered, arguing with someone else. But as she saw us, or rather me, her face did a double-take and then paled, before turning purple.
Kinzie came from behind and attempted to shove me and Frank forward. While Frank stumbled ahead, I had had almost as much as I could take from this Kinzie girl. When Kinzie attempted to push me forward, all she met with was about the same pliability as a brick wall. It was kinda funny to feel her accidentally smash her nose into my shoulder-blade, trying to push me. I stepped forward of my own volition.
'That was too close, godling,' Hera whispered in my mind. 'Do not give them reason to doubt your mortality again.'
'She was just asking for it,' I retorted. 'You think you would stand for this kind of thing, your highness?'
There was silence for a few minutes, before Hera finally sighed. 'No, probably not. But that is beside the point, godling. You are supposed to be undercover, as in not showing people your godhood.'
'Nobody knows yet,' I thought. But as soon as I thought it, I saw Hazel glancing at me out of the corner of my eye. 'Yet' was the perfect descriptor word. I had a hunch that Hazel was more intuitive than I gave her credit for. She might even figure it out before I say anything.
Hylla finally spoke, interrupting whatever Kinzie had been saying.
"You!" she said, leaping to her feet and glaring daggers into my eyes.
"Here we go again," I muttered to Frank beside me. "Evidently I went on a rampage at some point in my life. Murdered everyone's cousin on the west coast."
Frank snorted on his own laughter, while Hazel gave me a quick look out of the corner of her eye. Hylla stormed over to me, whipping a dagger out from seemingly nowhere and resting the point under my chin. I just sighed, realizing that this sort of thing seemed to be happening a lot more often than usual lately.
"Clipboard," I said, summarizing the memories of Circe's spa-resort/island, "Spa, Pirates."
Hazel glanced at me with confusion, obviously wondering what the Hades I was talking about. Hylla nodded and snarled, pressing the point more firmly against my throat. "You were incredibly foolish to come here. You destroyed my home. You made my sister and me exiles and prisoners."
'Right,' I thought sarcastically, 'Because that's totally NOT what your troops intend to make us here.'
"Percy?" Frank said, his voice uneven with concern. "What's the scary woman with the dagger talking about?"
"Circe's island," I said aloud.
'Quick, godling, tell them that you think the gorgon's blood is healing your mind,' I heard Hera's voice in my mind.
"I just remembered," I said, internally cringing at the quarter-truth, three-quarters-lie. "The gorgon's blood—maybe it's starting to heal my mind. The Sea of Monsters. Hylla… she welcomed us at the docks, took us to see her boss. Hylla worked for the sorceress."
Hylla sneered at me, and I felt the bindings on my hands behind my back begin to pop, wanting to come loose under the soft power growing on my hands. I killed the light before anybody could notice it. Hylla broke my train of thought as she began to speak. "Are you telling me you've had amnesia? You know, I might actually believe you. Why else would you be stupid enough to come here?"
"We've come in peace," Hazel interjected, her voice persuasive. Was that a power of Pluto? Probably not. Hazel just seemed empathetic to many people. She bit her lip as she glanced at me, "What did Percy do?"
"Peace?" Hylla scoffed, glancing at Hazel."What did he do? This male destroyed Circe's school of magic!"
"Circe did turn me into a guinea pig," I said, defending myself.
"No excuses!" Hylla barked. "Circe was a wise and generous employer. I had room and board, a good health plan, dental, pet leopards, free potions—everything! And this demigod with his friend, the blonde—"
"Annabeth," I growled. Why couldn't anyone seem to honor her enough to call her by her name?! "Her name is Annabeth."
Hylla glanced back at me, before continuing. "You released our captives—Blackbeard and his pirates."
At this point, she was really addressing Hazel, telling her about how cruel I was to subject her and her sister to a fate as slaves yadda yadda. But my attention was now diverted. The horse in the cage nearby was a beautiful honey-colored coat, with a pitch-black mane. He looked pretty ripped, for a horse. And his prominent feature? He looked fast.
"Son of Poseidon," the horse's thoughts spoke into my mind, and I glanced towards it, surprised. Most horses usually addressed me as 'My lord', or 'Boss' (for only one). None had simply addressed me as, 'Son of Poseidon' before. "I know her," The horse said, glancing past me.
I turned and looked at where the horse was looking, his rich brown eyes gazing past Kinzie and Hylla, looking straight at Hazel, who was still listening to Hylla's monologue.
"She'll be alright, right?" the horse asked me, nickering softly so that the other Amazons could not hear him. "Or will I have to kill these puny humans to get to her?"
"I won't let anything happen to her, you can be sure of that," I thought back. But I was mildly surprised that the horse seemed to care so much. "How did you meet Hazel?"
"About seventy—maybe eighty years ago, I was grazing, and found a wayward golden nugget. I love gold," the horse neighed dreamily. "So crunchy. And I found out that this girl could just… make gold, or could summon it anyway. And she was very gentle, and loving and somehow unfazed that I was eating her gold… I wanted to stay, but I couldn't."
The horse spoke so softly and filled with care about Hazel. I was a little more surprised. "Sorry for speaking bluntly, but why do you care if she'll be fine?"
"I was told a long time ago by somebody or other that a daughter of Pluto would one day meet me, and the two of us would bond instantly," the horse huffed, still rather lax around a Son of Poseidon. It was surprisingly refreshing, honestly. "I don't like the idea of these pathetic mortals trying to bring her pain."
"Neither do I," I agreed. Hylla finished speaking to Hazel by this point. "Hold that thought, might need you to stomp on some Amazons in a minute, if this goes south."
"I'll keep that in mind, Sea-son," the horse neighed quietly again. "But I might have trouble with the bars in the way."
Hylla turned to me, running her dagger under my chin. "—Of course, I survived and prospered. I have risen to be queen of the Amazons. So perhaps I should thank you."
"You're welcome," I said, not really caring what she'd been rambling on about while I was talking to the horse.
Hylla sneered at me a little more as she rested her dagger under my chin again. I felt my eye twitch. I really wanted to smack her hand away. "Never mind. I think I'll kill you."
I was about to shrug and reveal that I was a god. She was about to kill me, my friends were surrounded… I didn't see this ending well. But Hazel reacted before anyone else could.
"Wait!" she yelped. "Reyna sent us! Your sister! Look at the ring on his necklace!"
I grudgingly conceded in my mind that this was a better alternative, even though at this point the Amazons were just asking for my big reveal. Hylla ripped the necklace off, thankfully not scattering the beads. If she had, I might've revealed myself anyway. She studied the necklace in her hands, and I realized it felt strange not having it around my neck. Like I wasn't wearing a piece of my armor to a battle.
Hylla seemed to change her tune as she studied the ring and asked some questions. Another woman walked in, and the moment I saw her I decided I didn't like her. Her face was too narrow, too calculating. My dislike was only confirmed when she proclaimed that she advocated Gaea.
I should've known. Queen Dirtface was trying to keep a large army of super-female warriors out of whatever fight was coming up. They would mean victory or defeat. This is why Reyna had sent me here.
Judging by Hylla's reaction to the other woman's prescence, she hated her even more than I did.
Hylla looked at several guards behind us after a few moments of speaking.
"Take these males to the holding cells. The rest of you, leave us."
Frank and I were led away, as Hazel stayed behind, the queen obviously about to speak with us. Frank looked forlorn, and worried. But I knew the basics of what the queen was about to do. I'd seen Annabeth do it several times before. She had a familiar glint in her eye that told me she would 'accidentally' let us loose.
Frank slumped down as soon as he was inside the cell, putting his head in his hands. I knelt down next to him, and put a hand on his back.
"Frank, don't worry about it. Hazel will be fine," I said, desperately wanting to tell him exactly how I knew this. He was a friend, and I felt his anguish as if it were my own. How many times had I worried about Annabeth, even when both of us were gods?
"Percy, I know that between the you and Hazel, we're a very powerful team," Frank began, looking up. "But did you even see how fast that Kinzie girl moved? And she kicked me, sent me flying… they all must be much stronger than they look…"
"Dude," I said, trying to calm him. "I've faced much worse than these Amazons. When I first met that Hylla girl, she worked for a sorceress that Annabeth beat with a jar of multivitamins. I've killed the Minotaur, twice. The three of us faced down two seemingly unkillable gorgons. We're not going to get stopped now by a couple of a couple of iron bars.
"And you're just as much a part of this team as Hazel or me. Without you, we never would've gotten past the basilisks at Iris's shop. That takes skill, bro, fighting poisonous, fire-breathing snakes."
Frank huffed, laughing sarcastically under his breath. "I disagree. I think the bars are doing a wonderful job of stopping us. And it really wasn't me who killed the snakes…"
But before he could say any more, or explain what he meant by 'it wasn't him', Hazel came into view. Kinzie was leading her, and her hands were behind her back. Frank gave a pained look, as he realized what it looked like.
But I just grinned as I watched the scene unfold.
Hazel's lips ever-so-subtly moved as she walked. Kinzie suddenly stopped.
"Well, what are you waiting for? Here she is, come and get her!" Kinzie said. The guards outside our cell looked up from their tablets.
"What, couldn't walk a dozen more steps?" one of the guards said, walking forward.
In response, Hazel crumpled to her knees, leaning over her stomach. The guard bent down, grabbing one of Hazel's arms.
"Lulu! Come over here and help me with this lame little girl," the first guard said. Frank looked like he wanted to charge straight through the bars, but I held a hand to his chest and motioned for him to wait. the other guard walked over.
Just as the guard reached Hazel, Hazel flattened herself against the catwalk, moaning as if in pain.
"Cover your ears, Frank," I said quietly.
"What?" he asked.
The boxes to the side of the catwalk exploded, with a ringing sound that rang out across the whole catacomb of the Amazon lair. The two guards screamed, as Kinzie leapt backwards. Silver charm bracelets and anklets lashed out, wrapping themselves in chains as the guards were washed over the catwalks, before latching onto the bars so the guards wouldn't drop to their deaths.
Hazel leapt up, snatching a spear and breaking her loosely-tied bonds. She leveled it, trying to look threatening as the third and final guard watched the fate of her comrades below her.
"Should I kill you from here?" Hazel snarled, sounding very threatening indeed. "Or will I have to come over there?"
The third guard turned and ran, before Hazel turned to the first two guards hanging over the edge of the catwalk.
"Amazon passcards, please! Send them up, unless you want me to undo those shiny bracelets."
They didn't really hesitate, and Hazel soon jogged over the rest of the way with two cards in her hands. She swiped my leather necklace off of a nearby table, and unlocked the cell door. Frank looked ready to kiss Hazel.
"Hazel, that was… amazing," he said, staring in awe.
Hazel blushed for a moment, obviously pleased by the compliment.
"I will never wear jewelry again," I nodded, looking over at the guards, who were screaming like two lame little girls.
Hazel threw me my necklace. "Except this. Our weapons and supplies are at the end of the hall. Now we have to hurry, before—"
Alarms began blaring.
"Before that happens," she finished. "Let's go!"
We all ran back down the corridor. One Amazon, upon seeing us, just turned as if she hadn't seen anything.
"Some Amazons want us to escape," Hazel explained as we ran.
We ran into another Amazon, and she was not so compliant. She stepped forward, and I could almost taste the waves of confidence that none of us would get by her.
In one motion I sidestepped, drawing Riptide, and slashed downward. The guard's surprise was not small as she realized that her spear was now not much more help than a stick, and I followed through, slamming the hilt of my sword into her helmet. She crumpled, still shocked.
"Mars Almighty!" Frank yelped, now staring at me with awe. "That wasn't any Roman technique!"
I grinned, pleased that he wasn't a stuffy sort of Roman, who turned their noses upwards at any foreign influence. "The Graecus has some moves, my friend."
I snatched Frank's bag, and threw it to him. I conveniently transported all the items in the satchel Iris had given us into his bag, and proceeded to thoroughly forget to retrieve the 'satchel'. Then Hazel got our attention.
"I have an escape plan," she said. I grinned.
"Me too," I laughed.
"Follow me," Hazel said, not even ready to listen to my plan. She turned and ran back towards the throne room, and I laughed again. We had the same plan.
Arion brightened up as we ran into the room.
"Hazel!" he said. He glanced at the me and Frank as well, his eyes growing more serious. "Sea-son, we're going to need to run, right? I really want to run."
"Don't worry, we're going to run," I thought back. "If you're up for it."
"Of course I'm up for it, water-boy. Are you?" Arion nickered back. I grinned. This horse was fun.
Frank, however, looked at Arion with concern.
"Uh, is that thing tame?" he began. Arion looked at him.
"'Tame'?" he neighed. He slammed his hooves against the bars. "I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man!"
I translated this for Frank. Frank's face grew pale, much to Arion's amusement. For now, I turned, lugging a large chariot over towards Arion's cage.
Hazel took no notice of the horse's violent act toward the bars, and swiped the card across the lock. Arion head-butted the bars so hard, they nearly flew off. He reared back.
"HAHAHA, I'M FREE, PUNY AMAZON MORTALS!" He neighed loudly. He zipped over to Hazel so fast, even my new godly eyes almost couldn't follow him. "Get on, girl, time's a-wasting!"
I got the chariot behind Arion, and started to halter him to it. My hands flew across the straps and bars, fitting the chariot to Arion.
Several Amazons could be seen charging towards us, waving several assortments of deadly weapons. Arion twitched and pranced, desperately wanting to break into a free-for-all sprint. I could hear him counting how many times he was going to stampede the Amazons in front of us.
"I want to get her first, and then I'll take that one down. Then I think I'll eat the helmet off of that girl and kick her…" he was thinking. He turned and nickered to me. "What's taking so long back there?"
I pulled the last strap. "All aboard!"
Hazel wasted absolutely no time in jumping on Arion's back.
"Arion, ride!" Hazel said, whooping triumphantly.
Arion mirrored her sentiment, and suddenly all Hades broke loose.
When I say that horse could run… he could run.
Frank started cursing like a drunk sailor, and I have to admit I joined in. I knew the horse was fast, but this was ridiculous. I helped Frank stay on the chariot, as Arion zipped through the entire compound in less than three seconds. He found the stairs, and didn't even pause before he clambered up them, bursting out of the main Amazon campus' shiny black window.
"Ella!" Hazel said, pulling on the reins. "Ella!"
Arion pranced skittishly, wanting to resume running.
"What are we waiting for?" he wondered impatiently.
"Harpy," I thought back. As I thought it, Ella appeared.
"Ella is here. Amazons are pointy. Go now," she said, holding onto the chariot very tightly.
"Arion, go!" Hazel said. The horse reared back again, whinnying.
"Don't need to tell me twice," he nickered. I wasn't sure what to think of the mischievous twinkle in his eye.
"Ari—" was all I managed to think, before the world around us turned into a blur, a sonic boom popping my ears.