One Shot

Someone Stole Your Sweet Roll

Well… shit.

Sales were doing well, the Honeystrand name was growing with each passing month, and he even got to travel around the area in search of ingredients. Everything was going just fine.

So why in Oblivion was Vogin so peeved?

Uncertain what to do, he sat in Vilemyr Inn draining his third Nord Mead in an effort to receive some divine inspiration. Something new and exciting; something that only he would do. For a list long enough to fill the halls of Sovngarde, he was having a beast of a time coming up with something. He took a look at his drink as though the answers would be written on the side somewhere. Nord Mead… hmph! Such a simple drink, really. He recreated it with ease, all one needs is honey, water and yeast. Not really hard to come by, seeing as he owned his own bees. No, he needed something more interesting. More filling. More sweet, maybe…

"Give me a sweet roll!" he demanded, throwing some septims on the table before him. "This drink is too bland," he added in a quieter tone. "And thin, maybe I'll have to add more honey to mine." When Lynly came by, she placed the roll in front of him and collected his payment. He grabbed it and unceremoniously tore into it, enjoying the warm bun and the taste of cinnamon and sugar. 'No better treat goes with alcohol than a sweet roll,' he thought, 'they are made for each… other…'

With that thought, he froze mid-bite. He took another look at his Nord Mead, so thin and weak-flavored, and then stared at the sweet-roll, half-eaten and showing the fluffy texture inside. So thick and so sweet...

He shot up from his seat and, with sweet roll and mead in his hands, left the Inn without another word. Lynly and Wilhelm looked at each other, unsure of what just happened. He may have paid already, but he never left so suddenly. Maybe next time he came in they would ask what happened. For now, they didn't have time.

But they didn't see him. Not for a few days, in fact. Vogin was holed up in his Meadery. Even Bjarne, the man who oversees his shipments and profits, gave him his space. It was always worrisome when the man got this way. He would come up with some crazy drink ideas, most of which didn't pan out. One idea even involved using dried, crushed bees… As far as he knew, Vogin still hadn't thrown that idea out. Now, it looked like the man was focused on a very different ingredient:

Sweet rolls.

The only problem: he only had half of a sweet roll to experiment with. And no way to cook more. With this revelation, he ran to Bjarne, who looked very worried about the Imperial grabbing his shoulders. "How quickly can we get a stove?!" he asked, practically yelling in the man's face.

"It would take a few days, sir," he answered hesitantly. "It would take time to hire someone to make it, then some time for them to-"

"Too long!" he cried, throwing his hands in the air. "I need more sweet rolls for taste-testing, and I need them now!"

"We could always buy them, sir," Bjarne offered.

"How is our budget looking?"

"Well…" he turned to look at his profit notes and sighed. "Not good, sir. We're only selling some simple meads and wines, which aren't really that profitable…" Vogin looked thoughtfully out the window as he listened, thinking hard about what to do. How to get sweet rolls without breaking their budget. What to do…

"I have an idea," he mused, "but I think it would be best if I took care of this alone."

"But, it's my job to watch our budget, sir. How will I-"

"It won't affect our budget," Vogin replied. Bjarne narrowed his eyes in suspicion, but decided not to say anything else. He simply nodded and went back to his notes, checking as usual for any mistakes.

The next few days were… interesting, to say the least. At first it was just people looking around for something they misplaced, but soon, everyone noticed things were disappearing. Specifically, sweet rolls seemed to be walking off of tables and windowsills. No one saw anyone come by, no one was lurking around suspiciously, and nothing else seemed out of the ordinary. But for some reason, sweet rolls never stayed put for long.

It got so bad that after a few days, people started asking the guards for help. It clearly wasn't taken seriously, but they checked around to appease the people. Sure enough, nothing was found, and eventually the guards started spreading rumors about a mysterious sweet roll thief plaguing Skyrim. When it started happening in nearby Riften and even Shor's Stone, guards around Skyrim were making jokes about the sweet roll thief. Often times, when a petty complaint is brought to a guard, he will greet them with, "Let me guess… someone stole your sweet roll?"

It became such a well-known joke that no one even bothered to ask about the new Honeystrand Meadery drink known as the "Imperial Stout", featuring a taste oddly reminiscent of the pastry that started it all.

Author's Notes:

I just suddenly remembered this and looked for it on Drive. I don't know why I'm posting it, but I still love this little gem. Believe it or not, this was a writing exercise I did a couple years ago when I started getting back into writing. This features the Honeystrand Meadery, a lovely little mod that I recommend everyone try at least once. Fair warning; anything that edits existing alcoholic beverages will interfere with this mod without a proper patch. Basically, drinks added by the mod aren't affected, and while you can still make vanilla drinks, you can't get any money for shipping them to holds. If you subvert this by putting Honeystrand Meadery after the mod affecting drinks, you'll make money again, but you lose the new drink effects. You're choice, reader.

Your choice.

Also, Vogin is actually a character I was going to put in a Skyrim fanfiction that never happened. It might happen in the future, but I haven't decided.