Thanks as always, Ellen, Wren, Jo, Cherry, and Cloudy for cheer-reading and beta work.

Transitions

There is only the fight to recover what has been lost
And found and lost again and again: and now, under conditions
That seem unpropitious. But perhaps neither gain nor loss.
For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business.
~East Coker, V.15-18. T.S. Eliot.

For a welcome change, the day passed without emergencies. Kaito successfully convinced Jii to let him and Saguru cook rather than sacrifice valuable work time to continue being host, which at least kept them too busy to brood or get caught up in what-ifs over their next travel attempt.

When Kurou and Inspector Hakuba surfaced to eat lunch, Hakuba seemed satisfied enough with their progress to recommend Kurou rest for a while rather than push too hard. Kurou hesitated for a few moments, long enough for Kaito to wish he could hunt down Vermouth again and do several unspeakable things over the fact that Kurou was almost certainly referencing Kaito's dreamed-memories to recognize actual human decency in action.

Then Kurou nodded, and a yawn took over. "I could work longer, but if you're sure…"

"I have some logistics to discuss with Jii-san, and no one benefits if you work yourself into burnout. Take an hour or two and try to sleep." Inspector Hakuba refrained from explicitly pointing out that three weeks straight of insomnia wasn't recovered from in two nights. Nor was near-starvation. And then there was the twitch when Kurou'd raised a hand to his mouth that meant he was ignoring the pain of minor surgery through sheer force of will, which didn't help the sleeping concern…

Kaito glanced to Jii, weighing how much impossibility the old man had already accepted with no questions asked, then looked back to Kurou. "Um. I could help with that, maybe?"

"You are also supposed to be resting," Saguru countered immediately, with the same forbidding expression Kaito'd last seen on the Inspector when they'd been trying to convince the man to agree to faking his death.

Kaito raised his hands in surrender to Saguru's potential ire. "Not me, me. Okay, my first thought was me, but it doesn't have to be. You gave one to Koizumi, and theoretically we should be able to get more if we need 'em, soon, so I figure we can give away the last one. Or at least split it."

Saguru cocked his head consideringly, while the three adults wore expressions of varying shades of polite mystification, and Jii spoke first. "Perhaps you could explain what help you mean?"

"There's… I guess the easiest way to describe it is a magic potion. It restores energy and supercharges the body's healing process to speed up recovery." Inspector Hakuba's face flashed with recognition as the elixir Kaito'd downed before the Copycat scheme finally slotted into context. "I think it could take care of the incision healing time and maybe even some of the sleep debt, if—" Kaito broke off as Kurou shook his head.

"Thank you for the offer, but I don't think I should."

"Don't think you should?" Kaito parroted, perplexed.

"Yes. I wouldn't call the incision pleasant, but I can work around it—or through it, in an emergency—easily enough, and right now…" Kurou shook his head again. "It reminds me that all of this is real. I don't think I should give up anything grounding, for as long as I can have them."

"Much as it pains me, I have to agree," Jii added. "Not that the item doesn't sound fascinating, if it does what you describe."

"It's not a cure-all, but it's kept me from keeling over when I pushed too hard. If you're sure, though…" Kaito was hardly going to insist.

"I'm sure. I can sleep on my stomach comfortably enough." Kurou yawned again. "...And I think I'll try it."

After Kurou headed downstairs, Jii started on the dishes. Kaito turned to Inspector Hakuba, glad of the chance to talk separately now that healing was on his mind. "So I didn't want to bring it up while Kurou-san was still at the table, but… there's two other people I'd leave this for, I just don't know if it would actually work for either of them."

Inspector Hakuba's eyes flared with realization. "Nakamori-san and Kudou-san."

"I hate to be negative, but I don't believe it would." Saguru adjusted his gloves—huh, a new tic for discomfort, gotta keep an eye on that—as they both focused on him. "We only have this potion because of circumstances far too complex and absurd to go into detail about, so our understanding of what it can do on a healing front, as opposed to an energy restoration front, is limited. My concern is that it functions similar to a steroid treatment, stimulating the body to heal itself, while providing the energy boost necessary to do so with unnatural rapidity."

"In which case, nerve damage won't be affected by it. It's permanent." Inspector Hakuba looked rather like he'd unexpectedly eaten natto. "Nakamori-san wouldn't benefit. ...Kudou-san won't either, based on the station gossip from when it happened. He wears dark glasses even indoors because his eyes still track movement. That points to a neurological cause for the blindness as well."

Kaito cursed under his breath. So much for that idea. "I guess… I'd like to leave it with you anyway. You're still going up against a lot of nasty opponents—something could happen in the future."

"And as I recall from our first encounter, my death is an unacceptable outcome," Inspector Hakuba said, grimly amused.

"All three of yours. I wish I had more I could leave, but…" he shrugged. "We went through a lot of crap getting here."

"I can only imagine—and prefer not to." Inspector Hakuba folded his arms, amusement fading to a serious expression. "Now explain why you're speaking as if you plan to leave before you make good on our deal to explain to my family why they currently think I'm dead."

So much for waiting for dinner, either.

"Our deal was to ensure your explanations were of sufficient caliber to satisfy your family," Saguru said calmly, "Not to be the ones giving them. We can work with you and Kurou-san to establish a believable narrative of exactly how he came to be in your custody and the reasons why your death could not be safely disproved. If you insist on having some form of proof of these… recent impossibilities, I could do a video recording."

"Under protest," Kaito added. "The last thing the world needs is more people deciding they want to mess with the laws of reality. Well, guidelines."

Saguru and Inspector Hakuba both huffed quietly in amusement, before the latter responded, "I insist. I'm hardly going to show it to a large number of people. I'll even delete it once it has served its purpose, but you owe me that much."

Kaito sighed, but at least the man wasn't holding out for them to stay in person. "Yeah, I guess we do."

The discussion about how much detail would go into the video—not everything, the others agreed that even with all due precautions, any reference to Kurou specifically was better left for Inspector Hakuba to explain in person, though they hammered out a coherent story that even Jii approved of—took a solid chunk of evening. By the time they concluded, it was easier to wait for the next day to let Saguru be rested and try for as few takes as possible.

"Aaaaaand go," Kaito said. The camera's red recording light blinked on, capturing Saguru's place at the kotatsu in the early morning sunlight. He'd removed his gloves and glasses for once, taking advantage of Kurou napping off another morning's exhausting work to play up Saguru's resemblance to the Inspector. Kaito was carefully working to project calm without any intrusive distractions, and Saguru hadn't made any concerning twitches, so that was something.

"My name is Steven," Saguru began, which was at least a truth of omission as opposed to an outright lie. "I and a fellow traveler came here due to a… premonition of a tragedy, regarding Hakuba Saguru. If you are watching this, he has succeeded in being able to return home, and we deeply apologize for the grief you've experienced." He bowed in place for a moment, then continued, "Please understand that if there was any other way, he would have made contact sooner.

"In order to save his life without immediately endangering his loved ones, it was necessary to create the appearance of his death without any cause for suspicion. The merest hint, a breath of doubt, and anyone who might have been told his secrets would be guaranteed to meet 'tragic accidents' in short order. We wish we could have spared you that, or to be here in person to explain, but circumstances prevent us."

Saguru smiled at the camera, the same self-deprecating charm that seemed to endear him to interviewers and teachers alike. "Please don't hold it against him. We hope that the outcome of long-deferred justice and his safety to return home is, while not justification for your pain, at least able to mitigate it somewhat. We wish you all the best for the future."

Kaito cut the recording, and Saguru relaxed out of his 'being-interviewed' posture. "How was that time?"

"You're the one talking, you tell me." Kaito handed the camera over, and Saguru watched himself with a critical eye.

"...I suppose I'm satisfied with it. Let's show the Inspector." Saguru stood, then paused and turned back to retrieve his accessories from the cushions.

"You forgot about them?" Kaito asked, trying to reign in both the surprise and curiosity since Saguru wasn't wearing them yet. The glasses in particular had been such a consistent part of Saguru's wardrobe since they got lost, it was easy to overlook what they were failsafe for.

Saguru looked as surprised as Kaito felt, anyway. "I… yes. Too focused on our purpose, and when you try, you're… almost restful. Like standing calf deep in the surf of a calm ocean, watching the reflecting sunlight."

"Sparkle, sparkle," Kaito deadpanned.

Saguru actually laughed as he donned the glasses, bright and boyish and colored by the same kind of relief Kaito'd been buoyed by since yesterday. Kaito couldn't remember the last time he'd heard Saguru laugh, which—what the hell. He quickly focused on relief that Saguru could laugh, because the sunglasses were still off, but a raised eyebrow from the detective made clear that Saguru'd still felt the shift.

Kaito gave him a sheepish look. "We've been under way too much stress. When's the last time you remember laughing like that?"

Saguru huffed, face thoughtful as he put the gloves back on, and then smiled wryly. "You have a point. Some ridiculous joke Aidan texted me not long before you vanished into the ether, I believe." He continued before Kaito could be tempted to apologize again, "I'm looking forward to the inevitable backlog of texted memes he'll have sent me when we get home, so let's focus on that."

"Right." Kaito took a deep breath. They were so close he could almost taste it.

Inspector Hakuba was working quietly in the Blue Parrot's back office while Kurou slept silently on the futon nearby. He reviewed the video with the same critical expression Saguru'd had, but he nodded in the end.

"That will do. Thank—"

The office phone rang on the desk, cutting through the room like a gunshot.

Kurou shot to his feet, hand grasping for a weapon that wasn't there. Kaito -reached- for time to react—no cardgun Deck too slow shit—but Kurou was still moving like the Shadows didn't matter, like he was pulling on the same speed to react to the imagined threat—

Impact drove Kaito off-balance, the ground rising too fast, desperate will barely enough to steal a twisting movement to take the brunt with his shoulder rather than his skull. And then a hand on this throat shoved the rest of the way down to the wood, stars and spots flashing and ears ringing and carotid pressure ten seconds—

"Stop."

The pressure eased.

Kaito gasped, vision swimming back into focus as time and oxygen did their jobs. Kurou above him, blinking rapidly in confusion, Saguru standing next to Kurou with a bare hand on the man's nape, Hakuba a step to the side with arms in the posture for a gun being pointed at the ground but his face blank.

The phone rang again, Kaito flinching as the sound drilled through his brand-new headache. Kurou stiffened, his knees pressing into Kaito's ribs painfully for a moment before he relaxed again.

"You're safe. Are you going to stay calm?" Saguru inquired with a disconcerting tranquility, given how tightly his free hand was clenching his glove at the edge of Kaito's vision.

Kurou nodded and eased upright as Saguru pulled away. Kaito stayed on the floor a moment longer, watching as Kurou took stock of the room with proper awareness and then locked eyes with Inspector Hakuba with a shift to horrified guilt.

The phone's third—fourth?—ring cut off as Inspector Hakuba snatched it up without a word, his face still stony as he held Kurou's gaze and raised the handset to his ear.

In the silence, Kudou's greeting was audible even without a speaker setting. He continued, oblivious to Kurou's recoil that almost tripped him over Kaito's legs, "I'm looking for Jii Konosuke-san or his houseguest."

Of all the timing… Right, then. Expect anything luck-related to go NOT in my favor for the next… indefinitely. Ow.

There was a click of the phone switching to a secure line. "Go ahead, Kudou-san," Inspector Hakuba replied, voice carefully steady.

Kaito was just going to stick with the floor until the conversation was over, thanks.

"Hey, it is you. Got a house ready for you. When do you want to move in?"

"Is tonight too soon? And is there more than one bedroom?"

"Tonight's fine. There's a lockbox under one of the windowsills with the front door key." Kudou rattled off the combination. "For rooms, one's set up as an office, but you should be able to fit a futon there too."

"Good. Combat instincts are… volatile."

"Are you hurt?" Kudou demanded sharply.

Hakuba's gaze cut to Kaito, and Kaito shook his head. The sparkles and ringing were fading, he just needed a minute for his head to stop pounding.

Hakuba narrowed his eyes in familiar skepticism, but said aloud, "No."

"Good. You get a burner phone yet?"

"Yes, just this morning. I'd planned to ring you tonight; I hadn't expected you to be so efficient. Is this typically a good time to talk?"

"Most days, it is."

"I'll call you tomorrow at this time, then. I'm afraid I was in the midst of some data and I don't want to lose track of my place. Is that acceptable?"

It was, and Kudou hung up a moment later, taking a fraction of the room's tension along with him.

"I'm sorry," Kurou blurted, tone horrified. He started to move but then Saguru was in Kaito's field of view instead, hand feeling along his scalp for any damage from the floor.

"'M fine," Kaito protested, batting at Saguru's arm. "Was just catching my breath. Help me up if you wanna be useful, and then explain how you did that."

"You hit your head," Saguru countered, even as he gently levered Kaito up to sit.

"Wasn't my fault." Kaito leaned into Saguru's arm around his shoulders because it was there and too much trouble to shrug off. He looked up at Kurou. "Wasn't your fault, either. You got it drilled into your hindbrain to survive the crap she put you through."

Kurou turned his head away, tight-lipped. "You're awfully sure of yourself."

Kaito really did not want to have to do this. Apparently he was doing it anyway. "...At Tropical Land, when you were stewing over Kudou-kun saving her life, you had a lot of reasons why in the back of your head. Any of them—like, oh, her random visits to put a knife to your throat for a decade—would screw up anyone."

The residual memories were still doing their best to mess with Kaito, after all.

Saguru's arm tightened around Kaito's shoulders while Kurou's mouth twisted in a smile with no humor whatsoever. "You're more forgiving than most."

"Trauma is... an extenuating circumstance." Before Kurou could do more than look at him in surprise, Inspector Hakuba continued, "Within limits. And now you've pulled your stitches; we'll have to check if they'll need to be redone."

"Jii-san's first aid kit should still be in the bedroom," Saguru volunteered. "You can check the stitches and I'll ensure that this twit has no post-concussive signs."

"Fine." Inspector Hakuba holstered his gun and gestured for Kurou to precede him out of the office. "It will give me a chance to discuss with Jii-san how best to leave undetected, as well."

Kurou shifted uncertainly on his feet, but seemed as relieved as the rest of them to put the PTSD reaction aside and focus on what they could deal with at the moment.

Hooray, compartmentalization galore. I like this plan.

:From what I recall of that interesting school counselor's advice,: Méraud's voice murmured in Kaito's mind, making him stomp on a twitch, :that's not considered a healthy response in humans.:

Maybe not long term, but in this particular situation? Everyone staying functional to do what needs doing is the higher priority. Nag me about healthy coping mechanisms when I'm out of range of my literal worst nightmare.

:I have every intention.:

Kaito refocused to an empty room, other than Saguru still supporting his weight. He sighed in relief and sat up to face Saguru instead.

"Méraud had commentary on my bad luck. I remember how I got hit, and the headache and the rest are getting better. Don't ask me to do a handspring right now but I don't need the elixir, either."

Saguru had the same critical look he'd given the camera recording, with a side of doubt. "Head injuries shouldn't be brushed off, particularly when the person who inflicted it was moving almost too fast for me to see, until he had you pinned."

"I think we were both pulling on the Shadows for extra reaction time. I didn't have time to dodge, but I managed to hit with my shoulder when I fell, until the whole throat thing. Come to that, what did you actually do?"

"Don't change the subject," Saguru snapped, then pinched the bridge of his nose and visibly took a moment to calm down. "Apologies."

"...Would you feel better if I used a Duel card on myself?" It would mean postponing their departure further, long enough for a nap and a meal because Kaito refused to leave for a new destination without the energy to do more than a single Shadowrip, at least until they were sure Kaito could finally reach where he was aiming.

"Yes," Saguru said immediately. "You might not have been hit hard enough to necessitate a long recovery time, but reducing what would already be rest to ensure you're healthy, with the added guarantee that you've recovered, can only be an improvement."

"Okay, okay. The main deck's up in my bag, I hadn't bothered putting it on when I've been trying to recoup energy and there didn't seem a reason to need it." Kaito smiled without any actual amusement. "I figured the less temptations for me to spend energy, the better."

"A sensible plan from you? Shocking." After a moment's silence, Saguru dropped the sarcasm and sighed. "To answer your other question, I took a risk. That if I still had my sunglasses on and was focused intently enough on a single emotion, I could project it at Kurou-san without his own emotions flooding me in return."

Kaito blinked. "You worked on that with Koizumi too, to not need your staff as a block against flooding?"

"More in theory than in practice—we already know what I do when I attempt to project can be unpredictable, and I hadn't tried it on someone awake before this." Saguru finally tugged the glove back onto his hand, smoothing the wrinkles his grip had created earlier. "I have… a great deal of practice being calm, even when I don't wish to be. It was able to cut through his panic, for which I'm grateful, but I sincerely hope to never have to do that again."

If Saguru didn't want to go into detail about the rest of his explanation, Kaito wasn't going to ask. "I bet… but if you could do that, why didn't you try it back when I was worried about having enough sleepygas to keep him from doing something drastic?"

Saguru's unimpressed expression made him regret asking that much, and reconsider the concussion concern. Or maybe hypoxia, brief as the carotid pressure had been. "I didn't risk it when he was breaking down on us because it can't last. We needed a solution that worked for longer than forty-five seconds and didn't risk my passing out when my concentration wavered."

"Oh."

Saguru used Kaito's pause to stand, and then offered a hand up. "Let's take care of your head so you're firing on all cylinders again. All right?"

"Fine with me." Kaito managed to stand without feeling dizzy or nauseous, which definitely counted as a win. "And Hakuba?"

"Hm?"

"Thanks."