Arthur didn't seem to know how to react at first, Merlin pressed him into the wall roughly, kissed him hard, probably much harder than he should have. With his whole mouth and maybe a little teeth, and Arthur kissed back, too. After a moment or two. He kissed him back just as hard, one hand going to the back of Merlin's neck, pulling him closer, and the other going to Merlin's side, yanking on his jacket, as if that would do anything. This went on for a while, probably too long. And when Merlin pulled away Arthur's eyes fluttered open into surprise, and his very kissed mouth formed an O, he looked Merlin over for a second or two before he said anything.
"What..." he said breathlessly, because he had to say something, this wasn't like other times and they both knew that. "What was that for?"
"Are you in love with me?" Merlin asked, he just completely blurted it out, right there, with no tact whatsoever. Arthur just continued to stare at him, but his look of surprise turned to shock, his eyes widened.
"Why would you ask me that?"
"Because I heard things, and I just thought-"
"From who?" Arthur demanded then, cutting him off. "What have I told you about gossiping?"
Merlin frowned at this, "I'm not stupid, this isn't some dumb rumor about your father being part troll...this is serious."
Arthur scoffed, "Is it?"
"Arthur..." said Merlin, trying not to be hurt before he got the truth out of him. He was being defense of course, because Merlin almost forget this was Arthur. Nothing was ever easy with him. "Just tell me the truth..."
"No!" Arthur retorted loudly. "I'm not in love with you! I have no idea what you would ask me such things...just because...-"
Merlin paused, eyes suddenly threatening to fill with tears, but he should have known better than this, to have asked. They didn't speak about things like this on purpose. But at the same time, Merlin was angry, he deserved to be treated with respect, at least with something like love, if nothing else. Arthur owned him that. He glared at Arthur. "Then why the hell did you kiss me?"
Arthur's eyes looked from Merlin and then to the floor, back to Merlin and then the door, as if he was plotting his escape. "You pressed me against a wall...really, what option did I have?"
"Not now!" argued Merlin. "All the other times!"
Arthur's eyes were back on him now, and they were very wide. This was it, no more beating around the bush, no more guessing. No more leaving things unsaid. "You kissed me!" retorted Arthur. "When we were hiding from the bandits, you kissed me!"
Merlin felt a sudden rage fill his chest at this and he pointed at Arthur. "No I didn't, I tripped!"
"Into my lips...?" retorted Arthur. Merlin was fuming now. He was about ready to quit, quit being Arthur's servant, quit this destiny.
"I was trying to move and you were still there...of course! And I tripped forward!" Merlin nearly yelled. 'Why would I kiss your upper lip? I didn't want to kiss you!"
"No, of course not...it was all me, right? It is always my fault...somehow," argued Arthur and Merlin glared daggers at him, he moved himself further away from Arthur, as they were still standing nearly on top of each other. "You are just as responsible as I am for this, Merlin."
"You kissed me in the woods," countered Merlin, "By the fire after we escaped the bandits in, when you were drunk...after we found Morgana, when was any of this my fault?"
"You didn't stop me...you could have."
"You're right, I could have...I should have..."
They were silent after this, just looking at each other and some form of hurt anger, both of them. Arthur was apparently angry for Merlin ever asking such a dumb question and Merlin was angry that he had ever even considered asking it in the first place. He knew Arthur better than that, he was stupid for thinking this could go any other way.
"It was easy..." said Arthur then, slowly and his voice was cold. "I was foolish for ever having kissed you in the first place, and believe me, Merlin, It will never happen again. I won't allow it."
"Do you think that hurts me?" Merlin offered back, just as coldly. The answer to that question was yes, but Arthur's eyes only narrowed and he pushed Merlin out of his way to get to the door.
"I couldn't careless," he offered back and then he yanked open the door and stormed out.
Merlin was so angry that he did not help Arthur get dinner, or ready for bed, nor did he show up to give him breakfast the next morning. Instead, Merlin stayed in bed and then when Gaius forced him to go do his job he only brought Arthur lunch without speaking to him and then promptly left. It was odd for them to fight, they never really did. They disagreed, but it wasn't like this. It had never, ever been like this before, and everyone in the castle was starting to notice. Gaius asked what happened, which Merlin didn't tell him, and then when Merlin continued to look sour Gaius informed him that whatever Arthur said it was not worth being angry over, as Arthur was the son of Uther and they said harsh things all the time. Merlin ignored that. Even Uther had noticed according to Gwen, who seemed very alarmed that the two weren't speaking.
"You are always at each others side," she was saying. "What could have possibly happened that would change that?"
Merlin didn't answer and anyway, shouldn't Gwen be happy, this was what she wanted. She wanted him, and there...she was going to get him. Merlin tried not to be bitter, but he couldn't help it. The truth, really, was that Merlin was utterly heartbroken. Because for a few minutes, just a few lovely minutes he thought maybe...just maybe Arthur did love him, but then the giant prat had to go and ruin it. As the days turned into a week and the anger washed away a little bit, the hurt settled in more and more, and Merlin found it harder to stay away from Arthur, but also the idea of seeing him was almost impossible for Merlin to stomach.
Merlin sat alone in the same chambers they had kissed in that one time, not for that reason, but because it was quiet and no one ever goes in there. He was sitting on the same step, between the bed and the fireplace, which was cold, and he couldn't help but cry. He had tried very hard not to. He hadn't cried in front of anyone else, but alone...when it was just him, he did. A lot. Merlin sat there for most of the day, allowing his eyes to over fill with tears and he didn't care, he didn't stop it. But by the time it was nearly dark outside, that is when someone suddenly burst into the room, and Merlin froze. Hoping it was anyone but Arthur, his hopes sunk faster than the setting sun. It was Arthur indeed, and he looked irritated, or at least more so than normal.
"Everyone has been looking for you!" he complained, and Merlin didn't look up, didn't say anything. "Come on, Merlin! You're behaving like a girl!" Merlin looked up now, his eyes narrowed with cold, new found anger and he didn't say anything, he was going to, but then stopped himself. Suddenly though, Arthur's demeaner changed. His brow forwarded and he took a few steps closer to him. "I never meant to hurt you..." he said, his voice completely soft now, he must have noticed Merlin had been crying just before he had entered. Merlin looked down, wiping away a few stray tears, he could feel Arthur sit down next to him. "I made a mistake...several, and I shouldn't have blamed you. It falls onto me, I know I said some things I can't take back-"
"Yeah..." Merlin muttered, still not looking over at him, but he wanted to.
"I can't blame you for not forgiving me, I used you...I behaved like-"
"Like an ass?"
"Yes," Arthur agreed. "But I don't like being at odds with you, I can't change anything I did...we both know that, and I am not asking for you to forgive me right now, or ever. You don't have to, but-"
"I do forgive you," said Merlin, and this was true, he wasn't really angry at what he had said anymore, it was the fact that he was obviously not in love with him that hurt Merlin now, and his foolish belief that maybe his life could be different than what it was always meant to be. "I just...I'm not sure everything can be like it was before."
"I understand that..." Arthur said slowly. And then they both just sat there for a while, not saying anything. Merlin kind of wished he would leave, he just wanted to be alone. But then again, Merlin supposed he had to live with this one way or another. It wasn't as if he really could just quit. Arthur looked over at him, as he decided this and Merlin looked back. "What if I allow you to punch me? Just once...with no penalty?"
Merlin smiled, a bit half assed, but Arthur was trying and that was all that mattered. "I wouldn't say no..."
(A/N: I just wanted to post this because I would like to get this story over with, not that I don't like it, but I want to focus on other things. We are coming into the ending now! I hope you enjoyed it!)