I haven't written anything in a hot second so I decided to just do like a lighthearted sort of parody Kurt x Reader oneshot, because why not, and here it is. Enjoy?
/
Your heart sinks as you get your paper back from your most recent evaluation- you only barely scraped by a pass, not exactly flying colours. You quickly flip your paper upside down to hide your score and attempt to discreetly look around the room at everyone else. Most of the other students in your class seem relieved or happy. Taking a look at the marks on the front, they generally ranged between 80% and the high 90s, whereas you landed within the 60% range. You turn your head back towards your professor, who is handing out the last of the papers.
"...of course no surprises there, our #1 ranking, yet again, is Kurt Orlain! Good job Kurt keep it up." They finished, placing the boys paper on his desk and returning to the front of the class to continue the lesson.
Ugh! you think. That's the guy who barely turns up to lessons, while I'm out here slaving away, only to be just scraping by... You'd never really paid much attention to the boy before, what with his overall sloppy demeanour, greasy hair, and often half-awake state, but now as you watch him sitting unsurprised in his chair (with the biggest bags under his eyes that you had ever seen on a person before), you realise that he may be the answer to your school troubles.
You wait patiently for the class to finish (which, as is standard, feels like an eternity), but as soon as your professor dismisses you, you stuff your papers into your bag and make a beeline for Kurt.
"Hey! Hey, Kurt, great job in the evaluation today." you start. Reel him in with a compliment, then hopefully he'll be open to helping me, you think, somewhat manipulatively. He turns to face you and smiles with his mouth closed.
"Um, thank you. Y/n, right?" he asks. We've been in class all year, so I'd hope by now you would know.. You think, but smile back nonetheless.
"Yes! Yes, that's me." you respond. "Hey, um, I was thinking, would you want to have a study session at some point? It's just that, uh.." you look around you to check nobody is too close as they exit the room, and lower your voice a little just in case. "Well, I didn't do too great today, and since you're the highest performing student in the class maybe you could help me." The boy hesitates for a moment, seemingly unsure, so you bat your eyelashes and smile sweetly. "Ah, sure, yeah. Why not." he concedes.
Phew! I really didn't want to have to pull out the bend and snap, however much I love Belle Forest [Who is, uh, your favourite... play character? This works because Legally Blonde has a musical, mind your business]
"Great!" you respond brightly. "I'm free tomorrow afternoon, how about 4pm at the Archives?" you suggest. He seems a little taken aback by the suddenness, but can't really back out at this point.
"Ok, cool. See you there." he replies, turning back to pick up his pen and stuff it in his pocket. Yes, that's right, he doesn't have any other supplies with him for class, just a pen, and the paper that he got back. You clench your jaw a little at the easiness of his life.
4pm rolls around, and you waltz happily into the archives, ready to crush your scholarly problems. With the top student at hand, this is guaranteed to be a breeze! You spot Kurt sat at a small table in the corner of the room, fiddling absent mindedly with what looks like a tiny screwdriver. He doesn't appear to have showered since yesterday (or the day before) but nonetheless you approach him confidently, plopping your books down onto the middle of the table. "Hey Kurt!" you open. "Um, you look. Nice." you say politely. At that, he seems to become a little self-conscious, attempting to flatten his dark brown hair. He clears his throat, before responding.
"Uh, thanks! I, uh, actually haven't been out of my room for the past few days other than to a few classes here and there. I've got a bit of a project that I'm working on."
You smile blankly. "Really? Oh, you can't tell."
You can DEFINITELY tell.
"So, anyway, onto the matters at hand." You divert the topic. "Where shall we begin, I've got some flashcards, I brought textbooks to check stuff and I've got a list of example questions. What do you think?"
"Ah, I don't know really. I don't do much studying, really, so I wouldn't know where to start." He admits, running his fingers through his effortlessly GREASY hair and at the same time literally shattering your scholastic ambition.
"I-I'm sorry, I must've misheard," you laugh. "What did you... ah... what did you say?" you ask.
"Oh I just said I don't study much. I just sort of turn up to the examinations and spend the rest of my time in my room trying to invent cool new stuff.
Well WHAT am I going to do now?!
You take a deep breath to calm yourself a little. "Oh, haha, that's... that's soooo fun." you laugh shallowly. "So, how about we just go with the flashcards for now then."
Kurt nods apathetically, seeming not to care whatever you would've chosen.
You spend the next hour or so in the library testing each other with flashcards and practice questions. Infuriatingly, Kurt gets almost all of them correct, but then whenever you make a mistake (which, let's be fair, is pretty often) he can't explain to you why the answer is different even though he knows it. Which, to you feels like a huge waste of time. Finally, you decide to excuse yourself (it seems like Kurt was dying to get out of there himself anyway) and head back to your dorm, feeling a mix of mental fatigue and unreasonable anger, so you can rest before dinner.
/
Two weeks later on a lazy late afternoon, you're minding your business in your dorm practicing some low-level spells for your Elementalism class, when your wand snaps. You can't afford to buy a new one, so you ask around your friends for any ways to get them fixed or get a cheap one, but every way that you turn you are faced with one answer: Kurt Orlain. Despite your awkward previous encounter, it seems you have no choice unless you're choosing between one wand and paying your whole school tuition, so you sigh and head back towards the dorm building. By the time you arrive outside of what you are told is Kurt and Winsler's dorm room the sun is setting, so you take a deep breath and knock on the door. As soon as you knock, you hear a loud crash and a slight yelp from the other side, and Kurt's voice yells out "One second!". You wait patiently for about 30 seconds, before Kurt unlocks the door and pokes his head out, hair stuck up wildly, seeming to be very out of breath. He seems surprised to see you here. "Oh. Y/n, I, uh, wasn't expecting you. Anything I can do for you?"
There's no turning back now, you're already here...
"Yes, actually. Well, it's just that I broke my wand and I heard that you could help me..?"
Kurt's eyes light up. "Yes, yes! Do you have it with you?". You nod, and he pulls the door open. "Cool, come on in!".
Upon opening the door, he reveals the room behind him, in a state of intense dissaray. Metal parts are strewn across one of the beds and all over a desk in the corner, as well as a large pile on the floor which seems to have been pushed off the desk, you assume this is the cause of the noise you heard earlier. Turning your attention back to Kurt, who is looking at you expectantly, you have to physically force yourself not to cringe. His clothes are so covered in stains that you can hardly tell where a shirt ends and a stain begins, and his socks are barely holding themselves onto his feet. Despite this, you rummage through your pocket and produce the wand, handing it quickly to Kurt, who has put on some small magnifying goggles while you weren't looking and now looks absolutely ridiculous. He takes it from you gleefully and immediately starts getting to work inspecting it to see where it has broken, and then rummaging through piles of stuff and picking out small parts, periodically lifting them up and comparing them to the wand. He is utterly engrossed, and it would be somewhat endearing if he didn't look quite so insane.
You wake up with a jolt, disoriented, and quickly scan your surroundings. You quickly realise that you are still in Kurt's room, and by the light coming in through the nearby window it must now be morning, meaning that you've accidentally spent the night there. Taking a few more moments you find that you are tucked nicely into Kurt's bed under his cover (and under a pile of small cogs and screws), and that he is still sat at the desk fiddling away with your wand. As you sit up, Kurt notices you and turns to face you.
"Ah! You're awake. I'm almost done, I think, just a few finishing touches." he lifts it up, and you can see that it's almost as good as new.
"Wow!" you manage, although still tired and confused, "Did you... go to sleep last night?" you ask, raising an eyebrow.
"Huh?" asks Kurt, before answering. "Oh, no, I knew I could do this before morning so I just kept going with it. You seemed pretty tired though, so I let you have the bed."
Oh. That's actually quite considerate of him.
"Well, uh, thank you." you reply, as he twiddles something into place and lifts the wand into the light proudly.
"Done!" he announces, handing it to you after a moment.
"Thank you so much-" you begin, before he cuts you off.
"So, about the payment..."
PAYMENT? You may not be the most qualified in the world of business, but you're pretty sure that in a case like this, if payment is required then it should be agreed on BEFORE the process.
"..It didn't take super long so I was thinking maybe, hm... five gold pieces?" he suggests hopefully.
FIVE GOLD PIECES?!
"O-Oh, I didn't, um realise... It would be that much." you say, keeping yourself in check. "How about four?" you request politely, and Kurt's eyes light up.
"Four gold pieces? Works for me!" he says, holding out his hand as you root through your pockets for some money.
You hand it over begrudgingly- he gets paid for an evening of what seems like complete delight for him, and you are now two gold pieces lighter and an evening wasted. Nevertheless, you grab your robe from where it is strewn on Winsler's bed (where was he anyway? Probably off saving the world again with his friends), and make your way towards the door.
"Well. Thank you for-" you begin through gritted teeth.
"Oh, no problem!" replies Kurt with a smile before you can finish your sentence. You nod your head and open the door.
"See you around then." you say, stepping outside as he gives you a lazy wave. You see him throw himself onto his bed, cogs and all, as you shut the door behind you.
/
A few days later, in your Divine Theory class, your professor announces that as a fun activity, you will be pairing up and battling against other pairs in a quiz at the front of the class. You are immediately struck with panic- you're pretty sure that you're just going to embarrass yourself in front of the class, but scanning the room you see that Kurt is actually here for once.
OK! This might work out for me
You give him a questioning look, and he nods in response.
NICE! Good thing Winsler isn't here again otherwise I'd be done for. Where ARE those guys? Ah well no point worrying about it..
You make your way over to Kurt's desk, and sit down. "We're gonna crush this." you say, possibly more to calm your own nerves than to encourage him, but he seems to appreciate it anyway.
"Sure, yeah. Let's... let's go..!" he says rather unenthusiastically- you notice bags under his eyes again, but for him that seems pretty normal.
Once everyone is finished pairing up, your professor claps their hands together. "Okay! So for the first matchup lets go for... Corrina and Murundeen against... Kurt and y/n!"
GULP. Kurt may be smart, but going up against those two sure doesn't seem like an easy victory...
You make your way to the front of the room, with a smile filled with fake confidence, and the battle begins. The professor sends out quick-fire questions to each team, and they only have a few seconds to answer before it is passed over to the other pair. Despite your confidence in answering at least some of the questions correctly, Kurt takes over every time your team gets a question, and by the end you feel sort of humiliated to be standing there so pointlessly.
After 10 questions to each team, your professor calls out to the room. "It looks like we have a tie! So for the tiebreaker, I will ask one question, and the first person to answer it correctly wins the duel for their pair." You take a calming breath. "The tiebreaker question is: what is the symbol of the deity Deneir?"
Huh? Who would even know that?!
"A lit candle above an open eye." You hear quietly in your ear. You turn and are face to face with Kurt, who is nodding at you encouragingly. You look nervously towards your professor, before calling out yourself.
"Is it... a lit.. candle... above an open eye..?" you ask, and bite your lip as you wait for the answer.
Your professor pauses for a moment before announcing. "That is... correct! Congratulations to y/n and Kurt!" The class applauds politely, including a begrudging Corrina and Murundeen, befor you throw your arms around Kurt excitedly.
"You did it!" you exclaim. Looking up at the boy, he seems surprised for a moment, but awkardly pats you on the back. "Thanks for that, I appreciate it." you say as you pull back from him, blushing.
"Oh, no worries." he laughs, looking a little embarrassed. You make your way back to your seat and sit in a contented glow for the rest of the lesson.
Once the lesson is over and you are packing up your things, Kurt approaches you.
"Uh, hey, y/n?" he begins a little quietly.
"Yes?" you reply, turning to face him with a genuine smile.
"I was, ah, wondering if you wanted to... go for lunch together?" he asks looking away from you and wringing his hands. Your smile glows a little brighter.
"Yeah, sure. That sounds good, Kurt." You reply, as you begin to walk towards the door together.
"And... And if you wanted, after, I'm working on this really cool thing, it's like a rack that holds your paper, but you can spin it round so it holds loads at once but you don't have to come if you don't want to I don't know it might be a bit lame but I thought it would be-"
This time you get to cut him off instead. "Yes. We can go and you can show me your invention." you say and he smiles at you fully.
"Nice."
You laugh and grab his arm, setting off running down the hallway, despite his protests, and are surprised to find that you genuinely really do want to go and see this weird little paper thing, and anything else that he's making and can show you. Before you talked to Kurt, you thought that he was an annoying little opportunistic know-it-all, but now that you've got to know him a little more... Well, he still seems like an annoying little opportunistic know-it-all, actually, but nonetheless you feel happy hanging out with him, and are eager to see where this takes you. (Probably his bedroom.) (But only to sit on his bed and watch him build a magic lava lamp or something.) (And frankly, you couldn't be happier to do exactly that.)
/
After writing this I sort of realised that the "you" character is sort of the worst, but since I think it adds comedic effect, I refuse to change it. Also it's stupid and fun so why not.