Authoress note: For Diona birthday. Happy birthday, our feline bartender!
Disclaimer: All characters/edited image are all belong to Mihoyo.
Warning: error and grammar mistakes might occur.
Mixologist of Mondstadt
Diona was in such a good mood today. 'Yup, today will be the day!' She could feel it! 'She will make the most disgusting cocktail she ever makes! Someone will be thankfully quit being alcoholic. Yes, she swears she will!' Now she just needed to gather the ingredients. Thankfully, it was her day off, which she could go and not worrying about her shift. She was humming as she put on her clothes. Her tail, she made sure her tail was comb perfectly, her ears twitched lightly as she put on her hat. After making sure nothing amiss, she once again checked the mirror.
"Yup, perfect." She said to no one. She took her bow and moved outside her room and into the living room. Finding her father who was sleeping on the couch made her frowned. Her father once again reeked of alcohol. She sighed. Maybe her dad was one of the loose cases, she had been trying to make him stopped drinking but to no avail. Though he indeed didn't drink as much as before… but she thought he would be better if he stopped drinking all together. Diona let out a huff. "I swear, my mission this time will be a success! Yes!" She finally ran outside the house and toward the village's entrance.
"Klee! Good morn- eh." She was expecting the young elf to be there but instead it was the acting head master of Favonius.
"I'm here to let you know that our Klee can't make it here." She said with one angry vein bulked on her temple.
"Uh, do Klee do something wrong?" Diona asked though she knew that her friend usually had this tendency to start a trouble…
"She was grounded for blowing up… fishes near wind rise tree." She sighed. "Nothing was damage but one um… bard got caught in explosion."
"What? That's horrible!" Diona gasped, she knew how potent Klee's bomb is.
"He is fine and since Klee had been grounded, the bard volunteered to accompany you in… Klee said you need to gather ingredient?"
"Yes. But I can go alone if I must."
"While I know about your ability as a hunter, I still worry if you are going around alone. Lord Bar I mean Venti though, he is like that… he is pretty reliable guy."
"Ehe~ you shouldn't flatter me like that Jean." The said bard was coming closer but stopped as soon as he realized who he was about to 'babysit'. He paled slightly before moving back and hiding under random wooden box. Second later there were constant sneezing sounds.
"Eh Venti?" Jean raised her eyes brown.
"I'm… allergic to cat." He managed to talk between the sneezing.
"What? I thought… you know who the bartender of Cat's tail."
"I achoo! know her achoo! name, but never achoo! meet her. Cats achoo! prevent me to achoo! go inside."
"… aaa." The acting grandmaster was having second thought as she glanced to the cyro user.
"Is all right, I will be ok by myself, really!"
"I think, maybe I can asked Dilluc to-"
"No, not him, I don't like him!" Diona refused quickly. Dandelion wine was created by Dilluc's family. So… it was his fault for making more people become alcoholic. That the logic she had, by the way.
On the same time, at Dawn winery… the said red head was sneezing so hard in confused.
"Did you catch a cold?"
"No… that because you are here." He glared.
"Oi, oi. I'm here for escort duty. I know you don't need it but heh, Connor asked our help for cart's escort so…"
"… whatever, Kaeya."
"Sigh." The cavalry captain let out a sigh as he walked away from the room. However, before he could close the door, he heard his 'brother' grumbling voice.
"… come back later to fetch a bottle of newly produced batch. It had matured."
"Will do." He said while closing the door. Dilluc didn't need to see but Kaeya was humming cheerfully and grinning happily.
Back to the situation with Diona…
"I guess I should ask Albedo?"
"No, I'm really fine with it. Seriously."
"Achoo, anou (Umm) I can follow and watch her from certain range." Venti finally said as his sneeze had somewhat subdued. "While I'm not archo- I mean I am an archer; I can protect her long distance."
"No, I don't need-" Diona started once more but she was cut quickly with Jean who was agreeing.
"All right."
"Eh! That is more like stalker! No!"
"Stalker, huh? Ehe." Jean however glared at the ex-archon. "Ehem, how about this? Instead of going around looking for ingredient. I have a better idea."
"What of?" They looked at him in curiosity but Venti had just grinned.
…
"And… this is your idea?"
"Yes, I mean achoo!" Venti had begun to sneeze once again. Since he had to transfer both him and Diona as soon as possible to Liyue border… he resorted to wind carry the girl within certain distance. Hence, the sneezing...
As soon as they crossed the bridge toward stone gate area, Rex Lapis or the current mortal name of Zhongli casually walked toward them as if he had been waiting for them. After a little briefing from Venti and short introduction, they were now sitting on the long chair that was prepared for travelers near one of Millelith's lookout tower. "You can brew achoo! That disgusting achoo! tea."
"Pardon?" Zhongli had twitched one of his eyes brown in annoyed.
"You can brew disgusting tea?!" Now it was Diona who perked up due to possible nasty taste ingredient that could be added into her alcohol mix.
"It's medicinal tea to make someone sober." He stated patiently while giving a glared at Venti. The bard kept his sneezing for a while and decided to distance himself away from the two.
"That's great! I need that for my mixing."
"Pardon?"
"My alcohol mixes! So, that thing will taste awful." The feline stated, eyes starry with excitement. For this, Venti had to chuckle when he saw confused blink from his old friend.
"Wh- I mean please humor me. Why did you want to make awful taste drinks?" After that, Diona started to tell both of the ex-archons about her daddy's drinking habit and her life purpose to fight alcoholism with nasty alcohol. "I see."
"Do you drink, Mr. Zhongli?"
"I am."
"Eh!" Her tail had lowered and her ears were flat in disappointing manner.
"While I indeed drink wine, I don't induce myself with amount that… a certain person does." He said, glancing at the bard who was giving him an e-he grin and a peace sign.
"What do you mean?" She perked up with hopeful eyes once again.
"I drink in moderation."
"Oh! Like how Ms. Lisa and Ms. Eula drinks?" Diona nodded in understanding. "Please then teach me how to brew that awful tea, please!"
"But that is herb tea that used to make people sober or cure hangover, if you mix in alcohol… that basically counter the effect."
"But it is disgusting in taste, right."
"True…" Zhongli couldn't disagree with the taste though. Venti let out another chuckled.
"That's great! That's mean they surely will hate the drink!" She said with determination.
The man finally sighed. 'Really… mixing alcohol into herb tea? His special herb tea that can cure hangover?' "Let's go to Wangshu Inn… this place highly a place for brewing that tea…" Zhongli paused before turning his head to the anemo god. "You, behave."
When they arrived at Wangshu Inn, the resident yaksha personally came down directly to greet. He looked a little excited but as soon as he recognized that there was a mortal between two ex-archons, he stopped from calling out Rex Lapis' name but instead giving them a polite nod. "Zhongli xiansheng."
"Oh, Xiao." He glanced at the anemo archon and coughed. "I believed you had met Venti. This young child is Diona."
"Greeting."
"I need to borrow the kitchen; can you asked permission from the owner and chef?" Xiao nodded and quickly disappeared. However, the action didn't surprise the young feline as she, either had noticed the anemo vision on his left armlet or was too occupied with the possibility to finally able to create truly disgusting cocktail.
In the span of 6 hours after that, Zhongli patiently explained every ingredient and recipe that he used for his herb tea. The smell of the brew however had spread onto the inn and most people were forced to run away from the weird smell. While it was common smell in Bubu pharmacy… Wangshu Inn was a hotel not pharmacy. Even Smiley Yanxiao resorted to cook in the open fire for the restaurant. The usual Wangshu's menu had suddenly change to barbeque menu for a day…
"It's finished." Zhongli poured the liquid from the clay pot and offered the glass of black muddy liquid onto her hands.
"Ugh, smell truly disgusting." She said but quickly added. "But that's good!" It was quite too late… one imaginary knife had just stabbed the poor Geo lord's heart but he coughed, trying not to react. Venti, however laughed from the dining table outside the kitchen. Xiao was glaring beside him and had summon his primordial jade spear. "Uh… Who should try this?"
"It's herb tea, you can try if you want."
"… um no." She didn't want to voluntarily in drinking something… From the look of it, it's possibly bitter… Ah, she got an idea. "Mr. Venti? You drink a lot, right?" Diona asked sweetly. Outside the kitchen, both Venti and Xiao froze. The anemo archon was trying to push the spear blade away from him while the demon tried to push it down toward the lad.
"Eh! You mean, I am the one who should drink it?"
"I'll help." Xiao spoke, a little too eager.
"Eh!" He was about to run but a pillar suddenly grew from the floor, restricting his escape route. "Damnit! Mor-" Before he could say the name. Black muddy liquid was pushed down into his throat. Thankfully, Diona had apply a little ice on the mug thus the tea was a little on the warm side. "Yuck! Bleh! Cough! That tastes horrible! Xiao! How could you!" For the first time in decades, the anemo Yaksha letting out a smirk of satisfaction. Zhongli even chuckled slightly but keeping his hand over his mouth.
"Great! Now I can just mix that tea into alcohol." She moved back into the kitchen and find any wine that she could use. "Can I use this uh… osmanthus wine? It said 20 years."
"If you must. The owner had said to use whatever ingredient available." Xiao shrugged.
"Great!"
"Wait! That's such a waste!" Venti yelled. But it was too late when she opened the lid and poured all the tea from the pot into it.
"You… use it all?" Zhongli was taken back a little, he thought at least she would take a glass of it then mixed. Not pouring all his tea into the big wine jug. Several liters of 20 years wines were lost…
"Done, can I just take this wine to Mondstatd?"
"I guess?" Xiao was not sure but since the lady said that they could use whatever ingredient... taking home probably one of it. Diona smiled.
"Thank you, brother Xiao." She gave him a quick hug which made the Yaksha froze instead. The feline moved back quickly and taking several empty bottles from the kitchen. She carefully re - bottle 6 of them. "This is for you, Mr. Zhongli. This one for you, brother Xiao. And this one for Mr. Bard. I take one bottle and another two are for Mr. Smiley and lady owner."
"… Thank you?" Xiao was unsure of what to say, beside he didn't like alcohol at all… he should probably give it to… he looked at Zhongli. He shook his head. Maybe he should give it to cloud retainer…
"…" Zhongli didn't say anything but twitching his eyebrows.
"Thank you so much, Mr. Zhongli. I will inform you the result. Mr. Bard, let go! I can't wait to let my daddy try on it." She jumped excitedly and ran out with the three bottles, only stopping to hand two of the bottles to lady owner. "Mr. Bard! Venti!"
"Coming! Morax, Xiao. See you next time." He said as he carried the bottle; not that he would drink that awful tasting wine though…
"… what hurricane is this?"
"… more like blizzard, Xiao."
"Oh… right."
…
"See you later, Mr. Bard!" Diona bid the flying bard goodbye.
"Achoo!"
"Daddy!" The feline girl quickly stormed into the house, her dad thankfully had awoken and was salting the meat.
"Oh, baby girl, welcome back. How's your off day? Having fun?"
"Daddy, I finally find a 'good' wine for you." She said grinning. A bottle was retrieved from her bag.
"Really? Let's me have a taste."
"Here, here!" she ran to the kitchen to take the mug and smiled wickedly she poured it to half full. "Try it!" She passed the mug quickly.
"You didn't put anything weird inside, right?"
"Of course not." Her eyes glinted innocently.
"…" Draff looked at her suspiciously. He stared at the liquid inside the mug. Instead of the usual burgundy color that he had; this one a little on the murky side, the texture also a little on the dense side. The father shrugged; he trusted her daughter, the best bartender of Mondstadt. There are only few people that had better skill than Diona anyway. He finally took a sip. He stopped in surprise.
"Yes." Diona grinned when she saw him stopped. She braced herself that her father might barf and at last, hate alcohol. But to her surprised instead of stopping, Draff took another glug and another and another. "Wait, what!"
"Ah!" Draff sighed contently after he slammed the mug onto the table. "Diona! Darling, you are right! This is the best wine you ever have!"
"EEHHH! NANDE! (WHY)" Diona was too shock. "But Mr. Bard almost throw up and Mr. Zhongli himself didn't argue about the nasty taste!"
Meanwhile…
Zhongli was curious of what his concoction mixed with 20 years of osmanthus wine tasted like. He poured himself a small tiny cup as soon as he was inside his quarter in the Wangsheng building. He grimaced when he saw the dark murky liquid but as the saying of 'curiosity kill the cat' got into him, he took a sip. He paused. "Osmanthus wine tastes the same as I remember… But where are those who share the memory?"
At the Wangshu inn, both the owner and chef had been pestering Xiao. And no, this time both of them didn't back off even after Xiao growled at them. Just who the one who mixed this crazily delicious wine! The anemo adeptus is this close to 'cat scratch' them, I mean to poke his spear into them.
At the Windrise, Venti stared at the bottle before buried it under the tree. There's no way he drinks those nasty stuff. Poor Venti, if only he knows…
Owari