What's up party people whelp here's a chapter before WWWIII and nope still alive the way Im broke im considering making an OnlyFans account:/
Chapter...Oh shit Roll the credits
Naruto glanced upwards towards the giant behemoth that would probably tear the Leaf village a new asshole unless someone stopped it. He just folded his arms and began walking away because honestly stopping Shukaku wouldn't do anything for him. You're already going what about becoming a chunin and honestly speaking a title wouldn't do much for him. So Naruto did what any sensible ninja would he began walking away from the giant piece of Kaguya's cunt because he wasn't going to get paid for becoming a freaking dog catcher. So back to the Imperial Kingdom to get some ass or train or both at the same time wouldn't that be a treat. King was strangely quite not that it bothered Naruto the slightest but his gauntlet arm began twitching so he sighed again. Just a few steps away and he sighed because the one, the only alpha cunt Sasuke just had to open his mouth
"Where are you going loser?" Sasuke asked with the usual my nuts have more potential than you voice but sadly landing on a tree branch behind someone who handed him his ass on a platter wasn't the best idea. First off he looked like he went through a meat grinder which what happens most of the time when you're outclassed but that Uchiha pride was something special. If Sasuke tried to use a chidori one more time he would pass out from chakra exhaustion so Naruto scoffed and began walking away. Naruto had to hand it to the princess he's on his last legs if his eyes where anything to go by.
"To get some ass, eat some whipped cream of said ass and piss on the fourth Hokage's grave. The usual mister Wayne." Naruto replied without even turning to face captain emo because he didn't have time to waste on someone who doesn't have the mental capacity to truly question his brother's motives. Sasuke's eyes widened because he wasn't expecting that from the Orange loving Buffon well he wasn't wearing orange anymore but that's beside the point.
"In case you haven't noticed Loser there's a giant monster behind you that's going to destroy the village." Sasuke replied while narrowing his eyes because Naruto was still walking away from him and he took it upon himself to jump down stand in front of Naruto's way.
"I missed the part where that's my problem and since when do you care about anything besides your precious vengeance" Naruto replied while putting his hands in his pockets because something was wrong the ground wasn't shaking which meant Shukaku was standing still. Now that would mean one thing Shukaku was either having a wank or-
So he turned around to find the giant dog slash raccoon looking straight and the only thing that comes to mind in this a scenario is OH SHIT! So he turned to look at Sasuke who looked like he was about to collapse yeah going full cocked will kill him so Naruto was forced to hold back and as much as he would enjoy watching Behamut throw hands with a giant raccoon. Behamut would annihilate everything in sight which would be awesome but Shukaku's wasn't worth it and it would be kind of one sided thanks to anime rules maybe Infrit would be interested. So it was up to his nuts again wait his nuts THAT'S IT. Naruto blew a full grin and released the resistance seals on his legs, he felt lighter but becoming a full ass human rocket seemed very appealing. When was he going to get another chance to try this again probably sooner rather than later?
Sasuke narrowed his eyes because Naruto looked different and he noticed his skin glow before returning to normal. What was the loser plotting?
So Shukaku was Gaara's "mother" whelp there goes the milf boning dream and the delivery guy delivering extra sausage scenario. For the first time in his life Naruto met a woman he wasn't interested in just great now he owed King 50ryo that mother-
"Sorry to interrupt you two lovebirds but ima bout to squash you hahahahahaha and bath in your remains and shit on your corpses hahahahahahahahahahaha" Shukaku's laugh and continued for a good minute and was really beginning to piss Naruto off but he had more important things to attend to. Shukaku's bloodlust could be seen as clear as sand I guess. Sasuke had a bead of sweat rolling down his face and Naruto turned around to look the giant straight in the eye. Sasuke's OH SHIT sense kicked in and he held his arms in a cross arm pattern to protect his goods…his face you know what never mind.
Naruto began vibrating before performing the mother of all jumps since Sasuke was so close to Naruto he was sent reeling because Naruto broke the sound barrier by just jumping. Before Shukaku could even comprehend that Naruto just turned himself into a human rocket and was sent straight to explode in Gaara's face. Whelp Naruto could have literally done any maneuver but most would kill Gaara so he choose the classic he tea bagged him due to the speed there collision was not gentle but Naruto's nuts have suffered worse fates besides he woke Ted up. "Yipeeyaykayay Motherfucker" was the only phrase he could come up with sadly. When our friendly neighborhood killing machine opened his eyes he came to the conclusion that his mouth refused to cooperate and all he could see was black leather.
"WHAT THE FUU-"was all the giant could attempt before crumbling to well sand I guess? Naruto looked backed while smirking because well he had shit to do and he had an audience. Besides he wanted mister invincible to smell defeat as a matter of fact he was going to teabag every weakling from now on. Now at this point he would get his family jewels off Gaara's face but he was waiting for-
"GET YOUR BALLS OFF MY BROTHER!" Temari yelled frankly furious and embarrassed of all the things Naruto could have done trying to get his "bags" wet by another man was disturbing. Kankuro was speechless the blond kid just took down his brother, the same brother who could kill people without lifting a finger and some kid was had his nuts on his face. Naruto was about to retort but he grit his teeth, scowled because he felt its presence. Some idiot likely that old fart just summoned That deity and Naruto scoffed that piece of shit Hiruzen actually had balls. Well now he was going to die without hearing just where he should shove the Will of Fire up in. Naruto sighed got off Gaara, picked him up and handed them to the Sand duo now trio YAY. The moment Naruto scowled Temari could feel the ill-intent in the air and got ready for the worst and it looked like Kankuro was planning to implement the same course action. So when Naruto sighed and picked Gaara up her eyes widened. When their dear brother was in their custody Naruto turned around and said-
"Well beautiful, looks like we will reschedule our date now if you would please get your brother to safety before some idiots decide to turn you into POWS. So I guess see you around my Desert Rose." Naruto replied with a wink while turning back for the third time to check on the princess because there was no way the Princess was gonna be alone for long. Likely his penis sheath to be was going to be the first to show up and Naruto preferred not going deaf. Might as well begin listening to X gon give it to ya before slapping the pink off a certain ironing board. Sadly he couldn't unless she does something stupid and according to his watch it was almost Pimp-slap o'clock, OH HAPPY DAAAAY! Well the Leaf was gonna get interesting that's for sure.
"Thank you…Naruto" Temari answered because she was grateful her brother meant everything her despite him being a dick to her but family is everything after all and she intended to pay Naruto back. Naruto just waved and took to the trees while Kankuro was experiencing another wtf moment when he looked at his sister but decided to keep his thoughts to himself because he didn't fancy getting hit in the nuts with her fan…again. So they got to using run like a bitch jutsu like yesterday. Whelp Naruto reached the new asshol- landscaping renewal project he created he scanned the debris, he found the Uchiha elite being tended to by the walking iron board known as Sakura and honestly he wasn't surprised. On that note Sasuke's left arm was fucked yep his looks like Naruto was quite handy.
"Sasuke please don't go into the light!" You know who announced and oh more friends arrived Oh the joy, What an event, Absolutely moving the Comradery the-alright I'll stop. Before Naruto could turn in the opposite direction random anbu no 322 appeared before him in a swirl of leaves (how original) so there really no escaping this. Dear Sasuke was escorted to the hospital while the rest of the Hidden Leaf's Eleven taken to the Mighty jerk circl-ahem esteemed council room for well Naruto had no idea. Basically Jiraiya hijacked Naruto before he could get taken to the molestation room. Jiraiya had no idea what to think when he first laid eyes on Minato's son, last time he heard he vanished without a trace and well when someone whose holding back a giant four legged walking catastrophe it does raise some concern. He was surprised because according to reports the kid was supposed to look like a walking target and loud as banshee but THIS!? Its bullshit frankly they were approaching the gates and the kid hadn't said jack maybe he was broken.
Hell he didn't even ask who he was which meant Jiraiya couldn't amaze him with his introduction! Most importantly he wasn't going to be able to conduct some research but with the kid here he could play the guardian act and gain some points with the other gender. So hehehe it wasn't all bad but in all seriousness they had to find his teammate before his other teammate finds her. If the Dracula imposter found her well his sensei would have died for nothing and besides he missed seeing those "airbags" hehehe. Now getting her to come back to the leaf was going to be a challenge and he didn't fancy being castrated that's why he bought the kid with him. To hopefully melt that ice fortress she built around herself and keeping the kid away from the boyban-Akatsuki hands was a bonus. Naruto getting close to shoving a paper bomb up this silver haired simp if he didn't stop giggling every two minutes while he was grateful for being taken away from a room full of sacks of shit who had a stiffy for ordering people around. He didn't sign up for this shit if this mother fucker giggles one more time he would throw him in a Volcano!
"So old man who are you?" For the sake of his sanity he had to ask but when Jiraiya smirked and opened his mouth Naruto began regretting his decision. What followed was a crime against his eyes and he contemplated using a kunai to lobotomize himself. No amount of therapy would-
"I make the woman swoon with my skills and good looks, my name makes the opposition quiver with fear because I am the one, the only Jiraiya the Gallant also the Toad Sage from Mount Myoboku!" He climaxe-ahem finished while sitting on a big ass toad that showed up of nowhere.
"What in Sarutobi's pipe have you been taking old man?! You could make a fortune if you sell it." Jiraiya face palmed because he expected a lot but that was new. Naruto looked like he ate a lemon because of the way he narrowed his eyes at whatever the hell that was. Jiraiya just sighed and grumbled about people not appreciating art and flair. This was going to be an interesting trip. Next stop the town I forgot and couldn't bring myself to give a f about.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND Ima stop mostly im about to run out of data…Peace but before that I have an important piece of information that might change your life in a positive way…..Ahem Always Appreciate Loved Ones Especially Deeeez NUTS.