IMPORTANT: this chapter tackles directly triggering subjects of domestic violence.
She found him near the door, leaning on the frame of the living room entrance, looking at the people inside with a grim expression. She stopped for a minute at the sight of him, hesitant to broach the subject of his work in such a public place, but then she thought about her friend Lucien, with whom she had shared so many great moments and secrets. And now she was doubting everything between them, and she needed to know.
She advanced towards him and gently grabbed his elbow to catch his attention, making him turn to her with a frown that quickly disappeared when he saw her. In fact, she saw him look her up and down swiftly and his lips part slightly. She let her heart beat a little faster as she took in his dark blue eyes and small smile, and then she took a hold of herself once more, and she was speaking.
"I need to talk to you. In private."
His frown came back and he looked around. "Now? Can't it wait?"
"It can't. Follow me." After another second of hesitation, he obeyed her and they walked discreetly in the direction of the stairs, climbed them and entered her bedroom. She closed the door behind her and finally turned back to him. His arms were crossed on his chest and he was looking in the direction of the bathroom, as if remembering the last time he'd been in there. She took a second to think about that night, about Rhysand kneeling in front of her and stroking her legs with water, about him reassuring her about what had happened, about him making her come alive with a comment on her underwear. That last part made her blush slightly and she shook the memory away.
"Do you know Lucien?" She asked abruptly.
"Lucien... Vanserra? The guy who works for Tamlin? Yeah I know him. Why?"
"Is he involved in the drug deals?"
"Why do you want to know? What happened?"
"Nothing happened, I just… I need to know. Is he involved?"
He stared at her for a minute before answering. "Not that I know of, no. I gathered intel on him a few months back when we started working on the new deal between Hybern and Tamlin's family, but I couldn't find anything. Tamlin never involved him or talked about him except on legal affairs between both firms, and I couldn't find any evidence of his involvement in his personal life."
She felt a rush of relief course through her at that news, and she let out a breathy laugh. Rhys had a baffled look on his face when she looked back up, and he was biting his lower lip and staring at her.
"Why did you need to know?"
She mustered the will to stop staring at his lips and moved up to meet his eyes.
"Lucien is a good friend of mine, and I hadn't seen him since… since the night I met you. Tonight when I saw him it just hit me that maybe he had been lying to me, too. I just… I needed to know if he was a friend or not." She felt tears raising in her yes, but before she could start crying for real, she felt Rhysand's hand covering hers, and he was standing right in front of her, talking softly.
"I understand, Feyre. Trust me when I say that I understand what you're going through, what you must be feeling. And I'm sorry. And don't try to tell me I shouldn't be," he said as she started opening her mouth, "because I should. It's my fault that you are in this mess, I turned your life upside down And I apologize for it. Truly. But let's not ruin your gorgeous makeup with tears, okay?" he finished with a smile, and she nodded with a chuckle. Then he added in a lower, softer voice: "Not that you need it."
She felt heat invade her cheeks as she registered what he'd just said, and whispered a "thank you," her voice coming out lower than what she'd intended. He gave her a warm smile and they didn't move for a while, the only sound around them the muffled noises of the party downstairs and their mutual breathing, closer than they had ever been before. Then Rhysand seemed to come back to himself, he coughed and took a step away from her, letting go of her hand.
"Let's get downstairs and get you a drink now, shall we?"
He was smiling at her and getting closer to the door, so she smiled, nodded and followed him out of the bedroom.
They grabbed two glasses of wine and headed outside, in the garden behind the house where most of the guests were enjoying the warm summer night. They started chatting about an art show Rhys had attended the week before when Tamlin joined them, passing an arm around Feyre's shoulders and extending a hand to Rhysand.
"Morgan, how are you?"
"I'm good, Atwell," answered a somewhat taken aback Rhysand, "how are you?"
"Best week of my life so far, not without your help I might say. So, did you bring her?" Feyre could feel his breath, which reeked of alcohol, but he was giddy and not angry at her for speaking to another man, so she let it go.
"Who?"
"Your girlfriend! The one you talked about the other day."
"Oh, right. She couldn't make it," he discreetly gave Feyre a knowing look and she bit back a laugh at the blatant lie her boyfriend was hopefully too drunk to detect.
"Too bad, you would have had more fun than just talking to Feyre, here!"
Feyre turned to him at that. "I'm sorry, what?"
He barked a laugh. "Oh come on, Doll, I'm only joking! Plus, you have to admit that Rhysand here probably doesn't want to spend his Saturday night talking to you."
"I see, I'll just leave you to it, then." She turned around when Tamlin grabbed her wrist.
"Feyre, don't go. It was just a joke, just chill, okay?" She turned back to find Tamlin staring down at her, and Rhys behind him, looking at him as if he was about to punch him. But she sighed, tactfully shook her head to dissuade him, and answered.
"Fine. But give me your jacket, I'm cold."
Tamlin let out a breath of exasperation, grumbled "fine" and handed her his jacket before turning back to Rhysand. Feyre stood beside them, ashamed of what had just happened in front of Rhys, and let them talk together without feeling the need to even register what they were saying. After a few minutes, she slipped her hands inside Tamlin's jacket to warm them, and found a little box in one of the pockets. She took it out quietly, opened the box, and stared blankly at and the engagement ring she found there.
"What is this?" She let out in a low voice, barely able to speak as she stared at the large green stone on top of the ring. Seeing the lack of response on her boyfriend's part, she repeated louder. "What is this?" She looked up to find both men staring at the ring, then at her, and Tamlin suddenly answering.
"Why do you always put your nose where it doesn't belong, Doll?"
"I asked you a question." She simply said, not ready to be derailed from what she had found.
"What do you think it is, huh? Don't play with me Feyre, I didn't want to ask you before later tonight and I …"
"'Later tonight'? You were going to ask me in front of everyone?!"
"I don't want to have this conversation right now."
"Oh, we are having this conversation."
"Alright, then," and he started to get on one knee, but she stopped him and began to drag him inside the house and towards his office, the only quiet place downstairs. She could see Rhys following them from a distance, and as she forced Tamlin to unlock the door to the office, she registered him being stopped a few feet away by Lucien who asked him quietly what was going on. She heard him whisper and heard the words "proposal" and "angry" before she slammed the door behind her.
"What the hell, Feyre?!" Tamlin started immediately, stumbling away from her.
"I should be the one saying that, Tam. Why do you have an engagement ring?"
"Why do you think? I was going to propose to you!"
"In front of all our guests? Do you honestly believe I would like being put on the spot like that?!"
"Yes! Obviously, it's every girl's dream, right?"
"Not mine, Tam. You know I hate being in the spotlight, why did you think this would be okay?"
"I guess I thought you would be fine with any kind of proposal, but apparently I was wrong." He laid his hands on his desk to support himself, and looked up at her before continuing. "Alright, maybe the public proposal wasn't such a perfect idea. Let's do it now then."
She was taken aback for a second. "What?"
"Give me the ring and I'll propose now while no one is watching."
She couldn't believe what was happening in front of her. "Tam, I have so many objections to that idea. First of all, how is this better when all of our friends are standing behind the door waiting for us to come out? And second, where did you get this idea to propose to me tonight? Where does all of this come from?"
"What do you mean?"
"You want to marry me?!"
"I love you!" He almost yelled at her.
"We haven't even been dating a year yet! We never even talked about the idea of getting married!" She answered, her voice raising as much as his.
"So what, it's a proposal, it's supposed to be a surprise, isn't it? Don't you love me?"
"Of course I love you, but that's not the problem here."
"Then what is?! Tell me, what is the problem that makes you refuse a life with the man you supposedly love, even though I've been taking care of you ever since we met? What is such a problem in that situation?!"
"I need more time, Tamlin!"
"For what?! More time for what?! More time to sneak around my private affairs and spy on me? More time to refuse to have sex with me?" He was raising his voice with every sentence, and at the mention of sex, he turned back to his desk and started throwing on the ground between them everything he could get his hands on. Feyre took a step back to avoid the shattered pieces of an ashtray and felt like all of the air had gone out of her lungs as he kept talking. "More time to get out of your way to avoid me in my own house?!" He started to advance in her direction but she didn't move, her vision blurry with tears as she felt a flash of fear coursing through her body. The door to the office burst open before he could reach her and through her tears she saw Rhysand and Lucien come in and take in the mess between them, her crying form against the wall and Tamlin's clenched fists. They both moved towards Tamlin to stop him, and she let herself rest against the wall behind her as the three men were talking fiercely and her heart was slowly coming back to its normal pace. After a few minutes, Tamlin slowly came to her, Lucien and Rhysand watching him warily, and he took her face in his hands, brushing her tears away.
"Feyre, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to get so upset. It's just… I thought you would be happy if I proposed to you, I thought it was what you wanted for us, now. I'm sorry I yelled and got angry. Will you forgive me, Doll?"
She stared at him blankly for a while, taking in his sad eyes and the feel of his hands against her cheeks. Still unable to find the force to talk, she nodded at him slowly, and he smiled and kissed her.
"Thank you, thank you. I'm so sorry, I'm going to go get a maid to clean this mess up and then we can move on, okay?"
She nodded again, and he kissed her once more before walking out of the office. She was left standing in front of Lucien and Rhysand, both of them staring at her, Lucien with pity in his eyes, Rhys with what could only be described as burning rage. He advanced towards her and asked: "Are you okay?" And without giving her time to answer, "No, of course you're not okay, what a stupid question." He put his hands on her shoulders. "What can I do for you? Do you need a drink or something? Feyre, you -"
"I need to be alone," She whispered. interrupting him.
"I don't know if it's such a good idea after what just happened and -"
"You don't know anything about what just happened!" And this time she was almost yelling at him. "I just need to be alone, leave me alone!" And she got away from him and crossed the corridor to the stairs. A minute later, she was locking herself up in her bedroom.
Tamlin apologized again during the night, and then the next morning when he brought her breakfast in bed, and then later in the day when he found her sitting quietly in their garden. In the garden, she smiled at him, told him she was alright and he didn't need to apologize anymore, and they went on with their Sunday like nothing had happened the night before. She didn't want to talk about the engagement ring sitting in his office, and she didn't think he would bring it up again any time soon, but she couldn't help but think about it. She knew she was in the right, not wanting to get married after only a few months, but she couldn't help but feel guilty at her rejection - or at her non-answer, since she hadn't technically said no.
She got an unexpected but welcome distraction from her grim thoughts by the form of a text around noon. A short text, without any embellishment or extra information than what was needed.
Today, 4 pm, the small cafe on Northern Avenue beside the Chinese restaurant. He won't follow you. I won't take no for an answer so don't even bother trying to dodge this.
She wasn't ready to face Rhysand yet, not after what she had let him witness the night before. Tamlin's outbursts of anger usually occurred when they were alone, and she had gotten good at managing them, but to have Lucien and Rhysand witness it? It had felt shameful and humiliating, and she didn't want to face either of them yet. But there was no point in ignoring him, he was just going to insist until she agreed to see him, so she figured it was better to get it over with as soon as possible.
The cafe he'd told her to meet him at was an old shabby place, and in fact the entire neighborhood around Northern Avenue was dirty and notoriously one of the worst places to live in Velaris. She wondered why he'd wanted to meet at this address as she walked through the door and found him sitting in one of the booths, looking at her. She felt her breathing speed up as the shame from the night before invaded her, but he gave her a gentle and warm smile from across the room, a smile that calmed her anxiety, if only a little bit. She advanced towards him and took a seat across from him at the table, avoiding looking up and finding herself staring into his eyes, beautiful, mesmerizing eyes, but probably full of pity. Or worse, disdain. They didn't talk for a long while, and she wondered if he was waiting for her to start up a conversation. Not eager to broach the subject of the previous night, she asked what she thought was probably a harmless question:
"Why did you want to meet here?"
"You see the building across the street, the green door? That's the building where I live."
"Oh."
Silence invaded the room around them, tense and heavy despite the noise coming from the other customers, until finally, Rhysand started talking.
"Feyre, you need to get out of this relationship. You need to get away from him."
She looked up at him to find not pity, not disdain in his eyes, just… anger. The same anger she'd seen the night before after Tamlin had yelled at her.
"What you saw last night, it's not what you think."
"And what do I think?" She opened her mouth to answer, but found that she wasn't able to say those words out loud. He saw her reaction and kept talking. "Because if you think that I thought he was about to hit you, then you would be right."
"You don't know Tamlin. You're wrong about him. He can be harsh sometimes, but he wouldn't hit me. He only wants what's best for me. And sometimes, when he's scared for me, or when he's frustrated like last night, he can get angry, but he wouldn't hurt me."
"Feyre, what I saw yesterday, that's not normal. That's not just someone who's angry. That's not a lover's quarrel. He destroyed half of his office out of rage, and he was walking towards you when we came in. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if we hadn't."
"Nothing would have happened, he would have just… he would have yelled some more and I would have calmed him down."
He seemed taken aback by her answer, and he said softly; "It's not the first time this happened, is it? How many times has he yelled at you that way? You told me once he threw books on the floor, was that the first time?"
"I… It's not what you think."
"It wasn't, then. You need to leave him, Feyre."
"It's not that simple. I love him."
"That house is a dangerous place for you, I don't want you to get hurt."
"And what do you care if I get hurt?" She let out, more angrily than she'd intended. "What is it to you if something happens to me?"
He didn't answer right away, his eyes fixed on her with an expression she couldn't quite understand, but looked like sorrow and fear. She looked down at the table, unable to hold his gaze any longer, uncomfortable with what she saw in his eyes. Finally, he sighed.
"I care because I've seen way too many women that were with someone like your boyfriend. I care, because I don't want to come to your house one day and find you in the same state I found the office last night. I care, Feyre, because I know how this story ends if you let it happen, and I don't want this to happen to you."
"Nothing will happen to me, Rhysand. Tamlin yells when he's angry, but he wouldn't hurt me, he loves me."
"I know he loves you, and I know you think you love him. But yelling when he's mad at you, that's only the beginning, Feyre. First, he yells when he's mad, but it's fine, because you think you did something wrong and you think you deserve his anger. He starts yelling for smaller issues, but it's just words, they can't hurt you, or you think they can't, and you say nothing. Then he takes his anger out on the furniture, he throws ashtrays on the floor, he flips chairs in the kitchen, he yells more often than he used to. But you let it go, and you clean it up. And someday, destroying objects isn't enough for him anymore, and instead of hitting the walls, he starts hitting you. I can't let that happen to you, Feyre."
She couldn't speak. She didn't know if she was still breathing, if her heart was still beating. She felt her eyes fill with tears and she wanted to disappear inside the chair. She couldn't look at him, she couldn't move. But he moved for her. His hand crossed the distance between them and she felt warm fingers on hers as he started speaking again.
"I can't imagine how hard this is for you, Feyre, but I want to help you. Anything you need, I can help you."
She let a few tears fall on her cheeks, unable to look at him but relishing in the feeling of his hand on her. As if he understood what she needed at that very moment, he started stroking her softly, silently, probably letting her sort through her many thoughts. After five minutes without talking during which the waiter came and served them two cups of coffee, she finally found the strength to look up at him.
"I won't leave him, Rhysand. I love him, and I trust him. I know you must think I'm ridiculous because of his lies and of what you saw last night, but all this… This isn't the man I fell in love with, you don't know him like I do. He gets angry sometimes, but the rest of the time, he's kind, and sweet, and he takes care of me. I trust him, I know he would never hurt me. I won't leave him."
She could see the pain in his eyes, but she knew she was right. Because of course, Rhysand would think Tamlin was a bad person. He was a police officer who had been spending the last two years of his life scouting for sketchy behavior and running in circles of people who killed innocents in cold blood. Of course he would see one slip up and think Tamlin was a bad person. But he wasn't. He had taken care of her ever since they had started dating, and she couldn't throw all of that away just because he was quick to throwing something on the floor once in a while.
But even knowing she was in the right, she couldn't stand to look at Rhysand any longer. So she took her hand back, grabbed her bag and got up.
"Thank you for the coffee. I'll see you soon."
And she was gone before he could answer.