Here's a new chapter, I hope you'll like this one!
She couldn't stop thinking about Rhys' split lip and red knuckles.
She had no idea how late it was, or how long they had stayed on the terrace together, his head buried in her shoulder, his arms holding onto her as he talked and cried, unable to let her go. He'd told her so much, pulling her to him as she slowly stroked his hair, trying to comfort him. She had no idea if he'd told her everything, but she was hoping he felt better for it.
He was asleep in bed now, and Feyre had gone back to her own bedroom a while ago, drained of all energy, only wanting to slip under the covers and close her eyes. But she couldn't sleep. Everytime she closed her eyes, she kept seeing Rhys' wounds, or thinking about Mary's phone call. Because she knew Tamlin wouldn't stop what he was doing. Not until she talked to him at least.
She grabbed her phone forgotten on the nightstand, and switched it on. She had so many new texts, so many missed calls. The last one only about an hour earlier, likely while she had been holding Rhys against her and comforting him. She tried to ignore the feeling of guilt that crept up on her at the thought of being so intimate with someone else while her boyfriend was looking for her, but she couldn't get rid of it.
Was he still her boyfriend? She hadn't really thought about it before now, but she wasn't sure what to make of her situation. She had left him, and had no intention of going back, but that didn't mean she knew what her next steps would be. Maybe calling him would also help her sort through the turmoil of emotions she was feeling. At any rate, maybe it would stop him from looking for her and bothering her friends.
She plugged her headphones in, took a deep breath, and dialed.
"Feyre," Tamlin's voice hit her like a storm, bringing back everything she had tried to push out of her mind.
It took her a moment before being able to say anything, and when she spoke, it was in a quiet voice, one that she didn't like.
"Hi."
"Where are you?"
She hesitated before saying:
"I don't want to tell you."
She heard him scoff over the phone, but his voice was soft when he talked.
"Come on, Doll. Just tell me where you are so that I can come get you and you can come home."
"I am not coming home, Tam."
The silence that met her statement was deafening.
"So what, we have one fight and suddenly you're leaving me without a warning?"
"It was more than a fight and you know it."
"It was a fight. Things got heated, and then we resolved them. Then I go out for work and you're gone when I come back. What am I supposed to think, Feyre?"
"It wasn't just a fight. You went too far." She wanted to say more, to tell him how she felt, but she was so exhausted, and his voice was so loud in her ears.
"I didn't go 'too far', we both said and did things we didn't mean, and now we can just acknowledge this and move on. What do you say?"
She could feel the pull his voice had on her, and if she was being honest with herself, she was missing him a lot. She wanted him to hold her and kiss her and make her feel good, make her forget all of it had ever happened. But she still hadn't answered, so he continued.
"We had an argument, and I'm sorry about that, but don't try and blow things out of proportion because you're mad at me. You know that I love you, and I would do anything for you. You're the one who made things hard for the both of us with that painting of yours, Feyre. Don't you love me?"
She felt tears rise in her eyes at the words. She thought back about holding Rhys against her, and about the painting that had started this whole thing, guilt taking over her thoughts as she tried to answer.
"Of course I love you -"
"Then why won't you fight for us? Why did you run the second things got hard?" He sounded angrier now, disappointed, and she let tears run down her cheeks at his words. "Ever since we got together, I've been doing everything for you, for us. Meanwhile you just turn around and abandon me, without an explanation, and now you're telling me that you won't come home and talk, when you owe me at least as much."
Maybe she did owe him. She had left in a hurry without even a note, too scared and hurt to care. Had she been too impulsive? He had done so much for her and she felt so guilty about leaving -
But she looked around her, at the house where she had been for so short a time, and yet had brought her so much more peace than her home with him ever had. And then she looked down at her arms and saw the bruises he left on her, still a vivid red, still hurting.
"You hit me, Tam."
"I did not hit you."
"Well, you hurt me."
"I didn't. Me pushing you a little isn't me hitting you, Feyre. Maybe stop blowing things out of proportions and think rationally about this."
"You didn't just push me, you grabbed me so hard that it left bruises!" She was the one angry now, angry at his blatant lie to her when she could still see the mark on her skin.
"And you did nothing? Don't act like an angel, you were the one who started this fight, I was simply trying to find a way to end it! God, you can be so immature sometimes."
She stood up at that, anger fueling her.
"I'm not being immature! Stop…" she looked for the right words, "stop trying to make me think this is my fault. I didn't hurt you."
"You did hurt me! What, just because I don't have bruises means you didn't hurt me? It goes both ways, Fey." His voice was starting to calm down, now, but Feyre couldn't focus on anything, her vision blurred by tears as he kept going. "You hurt me so much and yet here I am, just trying to make things better between us, but you won't let me. Just give us another chance, we'll leave the past behind us, and I will make things better."
She took a second before answering. She could say yes. Of course, she couldn't give him this address, but she could meet him somewhere, go back to her normal life and make it all easier on herself.
But she didn't want to go back.
For as much as she wanted to love Tamlin, she knew going back wasn't what she wanted. And maybe staying away felt like the hardest option right now, but it was the one she had chosen, and she wanted to stick to it.
So she sat back down on the bed before answering.
"We're done, Tam. I only called to tell you to stop bothering the people I know, and stop looking for me. I don't want to see you again, I don't want you to call me again. If you don't leave me alone, I will call the police, and they will make you leave me alone. Goodbye."
She didn't wait for his answer before hanging up.
Then she threw her phone away from her on the bed, put her face in her hands, and let the sobs take her over.
She had no idea how much time had passed, but she was still crying when she heard a knock on her bedroom door. She quickly tried to brush her tears away and went to open the door.
Rhysand was standing there, with sleepy eyes and ruffled hair, a concerned expression on his features.
"I'm sorry," he started, "I didn't want to bother you. I was going to the bathroom and I heard you cry, so I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
She considered not telling him for a minute, but the idea was quickly brushed aside.
"Not really. I called Tamlin." He straightened up immediately. "I just needed to clear things up between us, make sure he wouldn't go look for me in other places."
He didn't answer for a second, before simply saying:
"How are you feeling?"
She took a second to find the right words to describe the turmoil she felt inside.
"Sad. But… relieved, too. It was horrible but at least I was clear with him. Hopefully he'll leave me alone, now." Rhys didn't look too sure, but he said nothing, and she was grateful for it. "I'm exhausted, but I can't seem to fall asleep."
"Do you want to drink something? Eat, maybe? I was gonna go make myself a snack."
She nodded, and followed him down the stairs.
Half an hour later, they were curled up on the couch together, eating sandwiches and watching a movie that could only be qualified as hilariously bad. She wasn't sure exactly how they had ended up here, but Feyre was still happy they had. She'd known she would spend the entire night awake, crying against her covers and trying to calm down without success. Instead, she could feel the anguish that the phone call had brought her being slowly pushed away by the warmth of the man who was cracking jokes at the TV with a beer in his hand.
She laughed at what he said and bit into her snack, stealing glances at Rhys in the meantime. His feet up on the coffee table, he was wearing a pair of sweatpants and what looked like a really old tee-shirt. But what caught her eyes was how different he looked from before, when he had had such an air of vulnerability to him that all she had wanted had been to hold him against her and never let go. He looked so relaxed now, it was hard to think it was the same man that had told her all those awful stories only a few hours before, crying against her in a way she suspected wasn't an easy thing for him.
And maybe that was that thought that prompted her to talk.
"I didn't tell him anything about where I was." She felt his eyes on her. "I would never risk it."
"I know. I didn't think you had. Do you want to talk about it?"
She wanted to, but she had no idea how to go about it. She didn't want to relive the conversation with Tamlin, but she wanted to talk about it with Rhys, and she didn't know why. There was nothing he could do to make her feel less awful about herself, but she didn't want to stay silent.
"I just… I don't know what to think. I'm glad that I managed to talk to him, but… I feel so guilty about all of this."
"Guilty?" He lowered the sound of the movie and turned to face her. "About what?"
"I don't know," she admitted. "About leaving without saying anything. Without even trying to fix things between us."
"Feyre," he rested a hand on her shoulder, "do you really think that?"
She turned to look at him, and the look in his eyes made her want to be honest with him. And with herself.
"No. Yes. I don't know. I know that I don't want to go back, and I don't think I could have done anything differently. But I still feel awful," her voice broke at the last words, and she tried to stop the tears from rising, but to no avail. "I feel so lost, I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life now. I know going back to him is not a solution, and I don't want to go, but… I'm scared."
Through the blur of her vision, she saw him move closer, and then his hands were on both her shoulders, and he was gently pulling her towards him. She eagerly moved forward, crashing against his chest as she felt his arms wrap around her.
"It's going to be okay, Feyre. I promise you," he was talking in a low voice, "I know things are scary right now, but it's going to get better. I promise."
She only clung to him, trying to make his words come true. He didn't say anything else. Instead, he let her sob freely against him, one of his hands coming up to gently stroke her hair.
When her sobs started to calm down, he was still holding her. And when her tears finally receded, his fingers were still running through her hair slowly.
In the end, she was the one who moved away first, just enough so that her forehead was resting on his shoulder. His embrace loosened just a little, and she took a deep breath before opening her eyes and moving back, out of the warmth of his arms.
The look in Rhys' eyes when she looked up made her heart skip a beat. There was a tenderness to them, something that made her want to move back against his body and settle there forever. She felt the skin of her face warm up under his gaze, but he just smiled at her, a large, confident smile that seemed to break the tension between them.
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ears before saying:
"Do you want to rewind the movie?"
He laughed at that. "It's fine. It's so bad, I don't think we missed anything!"
They settled back on the couch and he turned the volume up again, grabbing a fresh beer to pass it to her. She took it gladly and turned to watch the movie.
She was still exhausted, but it was different than what it had been before. She couldn't put a name to what she was feeling for the man beside her, but it was something she liked, something she knew she wanted to hold on to. So she decided to enjoy the light bubble of peace around herself, and the man who was sharing it with her.