She had expected everything to go fast and crazy after she made her decision.
She could not have been more wrong.
As it turned out, being a witness in a murder case seemed to consist of pretty much only one thing: meetings after meetings with prosecutors and their team, being asked to recall the same events over and over, and getting prepped for when the trial would come and she would have to testify in front of a jury. There was a lot of talk of what kind of charges would be pressed, of what sort of questions she would be likely to be asked during the trial.
There was also the added layer of Rhys' identity during this entire ordeal. As she learned during one of those endless meetings, he would be allowed to be addressed with his fake name during the trial, due to some law or another that protected undercover police officers. She hadn't retained all the details, but she had been briefed over and over that "Rhysand Morgan" would be the other witness during that trial, not "Rhysand Knight." She was glad to learn that, and although the idea of testifying still scared her, she had time to get used to the idea, as Tamlin and Hart hadn't been arrested yet. It would happen soon, from what she could gather, but she didn't know when exactly.
And of course, there was still the possibility of them not testifying in open court, for their own protection. She would have preferred that solution, but it wasn't up to her, apparently, so in the meanwhile, they were prepping for a normal trial.
She also went back to her job at the bakery the following week, despite being afraid of seeing Tamlin again. He never showed, though, so she split her days between working and staying at home, spending evenings watching movies with Rhys or reading on the terrace. They would talk late in the night more often than not. Sometimes, of trivial things, and sometimes, one of them would feel particularly bad, and they'd talk of other things, too, harder things.
She could feel the various meetings taking their toll on her, though. She'd had to recount many times the events that had led to Sandy's death, and the dreams of that night had come back in full, haunting her nights and leaving her a little more sleep deprived than she'd wished. But she wouldn't have backed out even if the option had been offered to her. She was partly responsible for Sandy's death, and she would do whatever was in her power to get Hart the punishment he deserved for what he'd done. Even if it cost her all of her sleeping hours.
Still, after one more long meeting with the prosecutor - supposedly the last one, for now - Feyre couldn't help but feel restless as she and Rhys got back home. And of course, he could feel it.
"Are you feeling alright?" He asked as they got out of the car and walked to the front door. She nodded half-heartedly, thinking he would just keep going and move on. But instead, he stopped and turned to her.
"You don't seem alright."
"I am, really." But she was lying. And she knew Rhysand knew it, because he kept looking at her, expecting more. "Well, it's just… it's stupid."
"I'm sure it's not."
His soft warm voice reminded her that she didn't have to keep anything in. He wouldn't mock her feelings, no matter how trivial they seemed to her.
"Everything in my life has been so intense these last few months, and now it's exhausting, with all those meetings, and never doing anything apart from going to work and staying here… I just wish things were a little easier, I wish I could do normal things again. Go shopping, eat an ice cream, maybe watch a movie at the cinema… just have a normal life. I miss it."
He was silent for a while, looking at her. Then he grabbed her hand and turned back towards the car.
"What are you doing?"
"I can't give back the life you had before I barged in and disrupted everything, but I can at least give you a normal evening. Come on."
The mall outside of Velaris was crammed with people, even for a Tuesday evening in August. Of course, with the temperatures skyrocketing outside, people found refuge in the artificial coolness of the shops.
Families with young children running around, old couples strolling from shop to shop, groups of teenagers hanging out at the food court… Looking around her, Feyre felt as if she'd entered a whole new dimension. These people were enjoying the summer with their loved ones without a care in the world, unaware of the drama in her life.
And maybe she could do the same. Just for one evening. Forget about her abusive ex boyfriend, about the drug deals and the dark alleys where they happened, forget about having to testify for a murder case. Just for one evening, maybe she could enjoy the bright colors and loud music of a crowded mall, just like everybody else.
"So," Rhys said from beside her, interrupting her thoughts, "I believe 'shopping' was first on your list? Come on."
They entered a big shop who seemed to be specialized in hair accessories and cute… cute everything, really. Small pillows with unicorns on them, long orange scarfs, funny sparkly hats for parties, fake long nails and decorative boxes too small to hold anything… This shop had everything you could think of, but nothing you actually needed.
They raided the aisles to the sound of a popular new song, and Feyre laughed for a good five minutes when Rhys tried on a sparkly pink headdress and stared very seriously at himself in a mirror.
They came out having bought a bunch of useless items: a unicorn magnet for the fridge, a fake book doubling as a safe, a blue mug Feyre had fallen in love with and convinced him he needed to complete the kitchen, and of course, a fluffy yellow pillow - 'for the chairs on the terrace' she'd said before pushing it in his hands at the register.
"Well, that was certainly a productive hour," Rhys said in a resigned tone, but she could hear the smile he was trying to hide.
"Of course it was. All of these were absolutely necessary." And then she grabbed his free hand and dragged him with her, "come on, let's get some ice cream."
"We didn't even have dinner yet," he protested.
"If we eat enough ice cream, we won't need to eat dinner."
"I feel like I've made a mistake, coming here with you."
But for all his talk, he got an ice cream even bigger than hers. They sat in the food court to enjoy it and spent the next half hour trying to guess details about the lives of the other mall attendants. Finally, after deciding that the young couple with their baby were actually spies from a rival mall coming to steal the secret of the ice cream stand, they got up, and went to the cinema.
Rhys let her choose the movie, and went to buy sustenance 'to replace her poor dinner choices.' Feyre chose an adventure movie, bought two tickets and joined Rhys in the queue to get in. He was waiting for her with a large bucket of popcorn and a few hot dogs.
"That's your idea of a proper meal? And you dared criticize my ice cream?" She acted offended but grabbed a hot dog immediately.
"I never said my choices were healthier than yours, Darling."
They found their seats and finished the hot dogs before the commercial ended. Then, once the movie started, Feyre dug into the popcorn, mindlessly letting her fingers brush against his from time to time. But at some point, Rhys whispered a comment about the movie against her ear, his warm breath sending tickles all the way down her spine, and she stopped paying attention to the movie.
Everything had happened so naturally. Laughing in the car on the way here, sharing each other's ice cream flavors, convincing him to buy useless things for the house. Everything had been natural. Easy. Meant to be.
They hadn't called it a date, but it was. It wasn't a night between friends, not with the way she'd caught him looking at her in the store, not in the way their fingers had been laced all evening. Not when all she wanted to do right now, was lay her head on his shoulder and take his hand in hers. It was a date. And she couldn't say she didn't want it to be.
So she laid her head against his shoulder, and smiled when she felt his arm move to encircle her, keeping her close to him.
They went home directly after the movie, and climbed the stairs together, the silence almost deafening. When the movie had ended, she had slowly sat up, he had moved his arm away from her, and she hadn't dared look at him directly for fear of doing something they might both regret. So now they were back home, and he was about to walk away from her and into his bedroom, and the silence was too heavy between them. So Feyre grabbed his wrist, holding him back. She needed to tell him what was on her mind.
"You're not the one who disrupted my life. I mean, you are, but you're not what I was talking about earlier. The drug deals, the crimes, what Tamlin put me through… That's what I was referring to when I talked about my life having changed. Not you. You were the only good change in all this, the only light in a very, very dark time."
It had all come out slowly, in a soft voice, as if saying all this too loudly would have overwhelmed her. Rhys was smiling at her, and he laced his fingers with hers.
"I'm glad you think so." He seemed to be about to add something, but he was hesitating.
"Tell me what's on your mind."
He chuckled. "You know me too well." A pause. "I was just about to tell you that… you too were the one good thing in my life these last few months. And I'm glad I got to meet you."
The moonlight from outside was reflecting on his cheeks, on his long eyelashes, on the corner of his lips. Feyre felt her heart become overwhelmed with the need for him. She wanted to be close to him, she wanted to kiss him. She knew that feeling had been there, for a long time, longer than she cared to admit, but tonight, as she looked at him, their hands linked, their bodies so close, it refused to go away.
But of course, it had to.
And it wasn't about feeling guilty. It wasn't because of Tamlin, or her refusal to acknowledge how she felt. No, that was different, and if anything, it was worse. She thought back on the conversation she'd heard him have with Amren. She didn't want to jeopardize his work, everything he'd been working towards for so long, giving up years of his life for. However she felt about him, it wasn't as important as putting Hybern away for his crimes, and getting justice for Sandy.
So she rubbed her thumb against his palm, just a few more moments of indulging herself, and then she let go, smiling at him.
"I had a great time tonight, Rhys."
"I had a great time too," he answered with a small smile, almost sad. He understood what she was doing. He leaned closer and layed a light kiss on her forehead before moving away.
"Good night, Darling."