A/N: Quinn redemption arc begins. Small TW for end of chapter mentions. Asher is great. I own this small doggo. I decided no one needs or wants lyrics included of the chapter title song. I also planned on this chapter being longer but decided to split it up. Big TW:self-harm in this chapter.
Chapter 11: High Hopes
Santana and Brittany got home and were happily greeted by Asher.
"How's my little boy? Your Tia take good care of you?" Santana picks up the puppy receiving a lick to the face.
"I bet she did right bud?" Brittany smiles and Asher wiggles to get held by his mama.
"Dios mio, he's a mama's boy" Santana groans, throwing herself dramatically on the couch.
"Uh oh, you better say sorry to your Mami Ash." Brittany sets the dog and he jumps onto the latinas lap, attacking her face with licks.
"Ay! No mas, no mas!" she squeals grabbing him and flipping him over, scratching his little fluffy belly.
"So what song do you think Schue will force on us?" Brittany asks, giving Asher more scratches.
"Well, if he asked for our help, it better be something we've at least heard before." Santana shrugs.
"Somehow, I don't think thats going to go over well with Rachel." the blonde reminds.
"True. Maybe it'll be a Panic song?" the shorter girl suggests.
"You might be onto something. Why dont we suggest one?" Brittany starts scrolling through her Ipod.
"Britt, no need to scroll. High Hopes is an obvious choice." Santana takes out her homework "Now, lets get this homework done."
"Ugh, I hate homework San." Brittany groans.
"I'll help you, come on." the latina sets to work and Brittany concedes while Asher naps nestled between their thighs. By the time they finish their homework, both girls stomachs are growling.
"Sorry Britt, I thought Tia would've been out of her office by now. Take Asher out back, okay?" Santana smiles and Brittany stretches, happily leading the puppy out. Santana softlu knocks on her aunts office door.
"Come in." Ali groans.
"Tia? Are you okay?" Santana sees rhe exhaustion on her aunts face.
"Yeah, stem cells are just a really big debate." Ali looks up "What's up with you?"
"Oh, Britts and I were just getting hungry and-" she starts and Ali shoots up from her chair
"I forgot we had a guest. I have to make dinner." she starts to stack her papers.
"Tia! Its okay. I'll make dinner. Cure cancer." Santana gestures for her to take a seat.
"Right, okay. Thanks Santanita" she smiles.
"Esta bien Tia." Santana heads to the kitchen. She sees Brittany dancing on the porch and laughs when she sees Asher is her dance partner.
"Eres linda" Santana giggles.
"I'm pretty sure Asher is the cute one. Eres lindo perro" Brittany smirks.
"I'm cooking. What can I make you?" Santana asks.
"Your specialty." Brittany winks.
"Alright, beef quesadillas it is!" Santana smiles.
"You're speciality isn't a classic Puerto Rican dish or something?" Brittany questions.
"I didn't really have the chance to learn from my Abuela. She only lets you in the kitchen when you turn thirteen, and she won't teach you a classic until you have a "nice Latin man to cook for" " Santana rolls her eyes.
"Oh. I'm sorry." Brittany says.
"It's okay. Mami taught me how to make a lot of traditional Mexican dishes, but I like simple food, and this is quick." Santana shrugs.
"Right. Cool." Brittany watched her girlfriend move with ease around the kitchen. She totally wished she could cook.
"I'll teach to make cookies at Christmas." Santana smirked, nothing her girlfriends pouting.
"For Santa?" Brittany asked
"Uh yeah, sure Britt." Santana mumbled. Did her girlfriend actually believe in Santa Claus still?
"Awesome. We should write a letter to the North Pole together too. Ooh and visit Santa at the mall. Oh and we have to leave carrots for the reindeer." Brittany happily listed.
"Britt, you're joking right?" Santana placed a quesadilla in front of the girl
"Santa is nothing to joke about San. I know somebody probably told you he's not real but they lied. He's real." Brittany insisted.
"Brittany…" Santana sighed.
"You're gonna tell me he's not real aren't you?" she pouted.
"Hun, I'm glad you believe in Christmas magic but I lost that when Emmy got sick. And when my parents abandoned me." Santana said.
"Shit. I'm sorry San...I can't believe I forgot." Brittany shook her head.
"Hey. It's okay. Can we just, not talk about it right now?" Santana shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
"Oh. Yeah okay." Brittany smiled softly. Ali came out to grab some dinner before the girls went to bed.
Santana woke suddenly and clutched her chest. She was still working through her nightmares. She got up, careful not to disturb Asher and Brittany, curled up beside her. She went to the bathroom and saw the blade sitting tempting on the counter. She hadn't stopped thinking about Christmas since dinner. She thought about Brittany in the other room, but she became overwhelmed. Blade held delicately she slid to the floor, staring at it glimmering in the harsh fluorescent light. She looked at her arm and seeing the scars was the trigger.
Brittany woke up and noticed Santana wasn't in bed. She saw the bathroom light on. She got up and knocked lightly.
"San, what's wrong?" she softly asked through the door.
Santana stood, propped against the sink, each wrist sporting a new line. She heard Brittany's knock, and before she could stop herself she quickly opened the door. Brittany saw the red lines immediately and started cleaning them delicately.
"Why?" Brittany searched mocha eyes.
"I don't know. I just felt overwhelmed." Santana admitted.
"Okay. It's okay." Brittany whispered, making sure the cuts weren't too deep. She let out a sigh of relief as the bleeding stopped quickly.
"I'm so sorry Brittany. I'm done I swear." Santana whimpered.
"Shh. I am not upset or angry. Only a little disappointed. But not of you. For you. I knew you thought you beat this. But we will beat this together okay?" Brittany tilted Santana's chin up so they were eye to eye.
"Okay. Together." Santana nodded.
The next day in Glee club, Santana arrived early to meet with and Rachel about the song to be performed at the pep rally.
"Oh I am so excited that you two will be helping with the instrumentals. Finn loves the drums and I've always hoped more Glee club members would help the band out. Artie will help too, he's a real talent on bass." Rachel said excitedly, Santana and Brittany both nodding tiredly.
"Gee, don't be peppy or anything girls" said "Now Rachel has a large repertoire, so if you haven't come armed with a suggestion…"
"Oh we have" Brittany quickly said "High Hopes by Panic At The Disco."
"Can you do that Rachel?" Mr. Schue says and the girls nods uncertainly.
"Perhaps. Did either of you come across a version more suited to my voice?" she looks at the girls questioning. Santana nods, quickly pulling out the sheet music.
"We also listened to a really pretty cover that sounded like you'd be more suited to it." Brittany mentioned.
"Well, then I suppose. We can try it out today. Really rough of course." Rachel insisted and Santana nodded.
"Yeah. I was hoping I could use the grand piano though." Santana quietly requested.
"Uh, yeah sure. I think that'll work." said as the rest of the Glee club started to trickle in. Artie rolled over to the group, a frustrated look on his face.
"Why wasn't I invited to this little pep rally pow wow?" he looked straight at Santana who recoiled slightly, hiding herself slightly behind Brittany.
"You were, but you were tardy." Rachel sighs "The song is High Hopes. Here's your sheet music, get ready."
"What do you mean, right now?" Artie suspiciously eyes the girls around him.
"Just do it Artie." insists and that is enough to get the fuming boy to wheel away. Santana watches him go before settling herself at the piano without another word.
"Brittany, go get your guitar ready. Rachel, lets go discuss with the rest of the club?" glances to the now full seats.
"Actually, why don't you. I'd like to speak to Santana." Rachel can feel the nerves radiating from the girl. "Santana?'' She sits beside the girl on the piano bench.
"Hmm?" Santana looks up from her hands lightly dancing over the keys.
"I'd really like your voice under mine for this." Rachel is blunt.
"Maybe. Not today." Santana rasps. Rachel notices the scratchiness.
"Are you ill?" blunt again.
"No, just need some sleep." Santana deflects. The truth was she'd cried for a long time the past night and that morning. And at lunch.
"Alright, well take care of your voice."
"Yes ma'am" Santana nods.
By the time they've finished their conversation, the club is up and stretching. Mike is preparing to plan some choreography. Mercedes has asked if she can do backup. Rachel arches an eyebrow at Santana who alleviates her guilt with a quick wave of the hand. Only Quinn remains seated, tugging at her slushy stained sleeves. Rachel walks over to the blonde, Finn preoccupied with the drums.
"You'll learn to bring a change of clothes." Rachel sits next to the girl who shrugs noncommittal. "Look Quinn, whatever the verdict with Santana" Rachel glances to the girl at the piano, who tugs on her sleeves in way resonant of Quinn "I'll support you. I'll be your friend Quinn. And, when Finn inevitably finds someone better than me, I'll be with you. Or when you prove you're better than him. I see the justice in this taste of your own medicine, but you need to do more. For one thing, stop pretending everything is okay. When you're ready for a friends, just let me know." Rachel stands but Quinn grabs her wrist.
"I need a friend. This is my third set of clothes today." Quinn admits.
"Hang back after glee." Rachel instructs. She struts to the front and they roughly run through the song. Adjustments are made, dances are improved, and they get through 5 sets of the song by the time they're done. The club empties out, Brittany and Santana eyeing the lingering Quinn and Rachel as they walk out.
"Alright Quinn. You've got your friend." Rachel sits beside the girl "Let's talk about the two girls who have no reason to be kind to you but were."
"Santana reminds me of who I once was. It's not an excuse. But you knew Lucy." Quinn shudders.
"You're right, and I love Lucy Quinn Fabray. Blonde, brunette, bespectacled, prim and proper. Every aspect. What I don't love is Head Cheerio Quinn Fabitch. The girl who pours slushies over my head and abuses a clearly traumatized girl." Rachel says.
"What do I do? I can't go to jail, besides, my parents would fight that even if I insisted." Quinn looks up, her vision blurry from tears and ruined contacts.
"Well, I think you should tell Santana about Lucy. And me. Apologize. And then, I want you to sing. Get it all out in song. Put your past behind you, like Santana was trying to do when you made it harder. And one last thing. If you want to be with me, you better plan on coming out." Rachel put her final word in, and with a kiss to Quinns forehead left. The blonde dug through her pockets for her phone, and texted the only person who really knew the alluring Latina.
"Can Quinn come over?" Brittany said from her seat on the porch next to Santana, where they were doing homework while watching Asher. Santana shrugged. She actually thinks she'd like the girl if she hadn't beat her to a pulp.
"Why?" Santana finally asked.
"She wants to apologize and explain. OH this is rich. She wants to tell you about Lucy." Brittany laughs "You totally have to hear this."
"Who's Lucy?" Santana's interest is piqued.
"Quinn is Lucy, look, I say we hear her out. After all, you want to forgive her and I've missed her since we stopped hanging out after the Artie incident." Brittany sent the text.
"Sure. I guess it can't hurt to hear her out. That must be what she talked to Rachel about." Santana tucked her thumbs through the holes in her flannel. Quinn was let in by Ali a few minutes later. Asher barked at her as she came through the sliding glass door, but once he sniffed her he calmed down.
"Is that a good sign?" Quinn asked lightly, adjusting her glasses.
"Yeah. I like your glasses." Santana said.
"Uh thanks. I came to apologize again, cause I know I messed up the first time, singing to Rachel and stuff. That was wrong. If I was gonna sing I should've sung to you. I'm not really sure what I would've sang." Quinn scratched her head.
"I don't want a song Quinn." Santana simply stated "What you need to apologize for isn't written in any song. But if you want to sing me something, try something empowering."
"Right. Awesome. Look, I uh, I think you're really brave. You seem pretty open about your sexuality, and you seem comfortable in your skin. And I was really jealous of that. Which is no excuse for how I treated you, but it is the motivation. I'm sure Brittany told you all about Rachel. But, Brittany is a good friend, even when I'm not, so I know she didn't tell you about Lucy." Quinn looked to Brittany for confirmation.
"I don't believe in sharing someone else's secret." Brittany growled.
"Right. Thanks Brittany. And I'm sorry about how badly I treated you. I knew your secret and should've been there for you." Quinn sighed. "I know I fucked up. Look, Lucy is my real name. And when I went by Lucy I wasn't confident, I was an outcast. But unlike you, I wasn't proud. I know you're probably not, but Brittany, my best friend, was helping you. I was jealous of your developing friendship, I was jealous of what seemed to be an air of confidence around you. I apologize for taking my own insecurity and taking it out on you. I know airing my dirty laundry for the school won't change anything. But I want you to know, that like both of you, I'm a survivor of domestic and sexual abuse. By my father. And I want to be your friend. Because, when I ask Rachel to the homecoming dance, I'm going to need a lot of support." Quinn gingerly smiled.
"I accept your apology Quinn. And, I realized the day we sang Oh, Calamity that I wanted to be your friend, and have been working on forgiving you. I understand your why, and while it's no excuse, it makes me feel a little better. And the part your holding back, about PUck and your father urging you to make an example of me, I understand why you didn't tell me. But Puck revealed that. To protect you. While he's awful, the fact of the matter is even he saw the good in you." Santana gets up "I want a hug. And then tomorrow, you, Britt and I are going to sing Stronger by Kelly Clarkson." Santana hugged Quinn who gently wrapped her arms around the Latina.
"Hey guys, you need to see this." Brittany said from where she was changing Quinn back to a friendly contact in her phone. She pulled up a YouTube video posted by JBI "Trouble In Glee Paradise: QB Finn cheats on Berry". It shows Rachel walking up to Finn's car, seemingly after her conversation with Finn. In the front seat is the new head of the Cheerios, Kitty Wilde. And nothing about the situation is innocent. Rachel storms away crying towards her own car. The video cuts out.
"She gave me a ride here actually." Quinn sighs "I already saw this IRL. She made me promise not to tell. Neither of us saw JBI. But when I walked out of school and saw her crying, I went to comfort her, rather than biking here right away." Quinn admits.
"That the Quinn I befriended." Brittany slings her arms around the shorter blonde "The Great Secret Keeper who made tears disappear on the two weirdest girls." Brittany smirked.
"So, Stronger before Schue goes crazy on practice?" Quinn asks.
"Yeah. And you better find a song to ask Berry to homecoming with." Santana says.
"Wait, I need to do that for you too don't I?" Brittany suddenly becomes alert.
"Calm down babe. We're going together without any song and dance in front of the club. I'm not into PDA, but Rach is. Good luck Quinn." Santana smiles.
"Thanks. See you tomorrow."