A/N: Hello everyone! It's been awhile- my time was dedicated to Christmas With The Pierces (which while its title may be reminiscent of Christmas with The Kranks, they're far from similar). Give it a quick read- just ten chapters and not particularly long chapters at that. I want to quickly address that I don't have an exact time period for this piece because it allows me to put in whatever music I want. I avoid technology talk, for the most part, to avoid my timeline somehow making a song non-existent. That bit of housekeeping aside, I am back full force on this story and will EVENTUALLY update Growing Up, because I know it's fallen to the wayside even moreso. I'll try to keep bits of angst in this fic, but things are starting to look up. That said, that doesn't mean a flashback won't ever make an appearance. The song for this chapter is Miserable at Best by Mayday Parade. Don't forget to check out the Spotify playlist: playlist/53o1TvOwUCW0JMIDKHTaZL?si=eCW64THKQsi6GJJ1Z21DNw
Chapter 21: Miserable at Best
As Santana and Brittany got past one of the best weeks for the relationship, despite what was going on at school, Quinn and Rachel fell apart. While Santana and Brittany had been battling rumors, Quinn and Rachel had taken incredibly different sides on the issue of how things should be handled. Rachel was demanding an explanation from the girls while Quinn thought her friends had every right to their privacy. While she had been privy to some of the information before their revelation, she knew it wouldn't change her response to the situation. Had she been in their shoes she knew she would've handled it the same. Rachel's insistence that everyone had a right to know had gotten under Quinn's skin, and by the end of the week they had broken up. On Monday, the tension in the Glee club was palpable and only grew when Rachel sat right next to Finn and leaned her head on his shoulder. Finn, completely perplexed, sat stalk still, hoping someone would explain. Instead, Quinn went and sat beside Artie, complimenting his new light-up wheels. Santana and Brittany were the last to arrive and they knew something was very wrong. They pulled their friends away from the dorks and sat between them. All through 's speech on the lesson of the week, they glared at each other, disregarding the fact that was trying to dissolve drama in the club. After last week's fiasco, which had barely gone well, he was trying to return normalcy and unity to the club.
"Okay, none of you have said a word since I stopped talking. What the hell is going on?" He asked before he saw the Faberry stare off and shook his head "You have got to be kidding me."
"Sorry that our mutual hatred is interrupting your lesson Curly." Quinn shrugged "But it's well earned."
"As if! You're taking things way out of proportion!" Rachel shouted "I'm glad I don't have to deal with your sobbing anymore." the small girl stood up and stomped out the room, dragging Finn with her. Quinn watched them go, and as soon as she was sure they were gone she fell apart. Without a second thought, Santana, Brittany, and Mercedes formed a shield around her from the prying eyes of the rest of the club.
"It's clear to me that nothing is going to get done today. I don't know why you all expect a chance at Nationals with your current behavior and lackluster efforts. You're dismissed, and I want this resolved." he said, and he walked to his office. Artie left quickly, deeply uncomfortable with the sobs coming from the usually prim blonde. Sam sat like a lost puppy until Mike and Tina took him with them. Kurt and Blaine left shortly thereafter, glancing back at the girls. After calming down Quinn sufficiently enough to leave the classroom, the four-headed to Santana's house. Asher had stayed home that day for a mandatory training lesson and immediately ran to Santana's side as soon as she was in the door. Sensing stress he pawed at her leg gently, and she took it as a teaching opportunity to show him that this was an empathetic response to Quinn and not something he needed to alert for. He was doing well and had rarely alerted incorrectly. Santana's PTSD often led to severe panic attacks and she was prone to them from other deeply stressful situations. Nevertheless, she was proud to see him doing well, and being able to use the false alert as a teachable moment was a proud moment. As she taught Asher, Mercedes and Brittany laid Quinn on the couch. The shorter blonde curled in a ball, tucking herself into the corner of the couch, mascara staining her jacket cuffs as she wiped at her tears. Brittany brought her a hot tea, knowing how much the girl enjoyed chamomile, and was glad to see the girl drinking it readily. Mercedes took Quinn's hair and gently braided it, which helped calm the girl. Santana made sure to take Asher's vest off (a signal for him that worked to let him know he could relax) before she sent him over to comfort Quinn. He rested his chin on her knee and she scratched behind his ears, petting him slowly.
"Alright Q, are you feeling a bit better?" Santana asked, squeezing next to her on the couch, Brittnay, and Mercedes on the opposite side.
"A bit. He's really calming." Quinn said, sinking her hand into Asher's fluffy coat.
"I know, he's a good boy." Santana smiled. "So what happened?"
"Well, last week we disagreed and how you should handle the rumors. I was certain I'd support whatever you did but felt you and a right to privacy. She was adamant you needed to share them with the club." Quinn explained, Mercedes nodding in confirmation.
"We chose to share because we knew things would only get worse, but we also wished we didn't have to. It felt vulnerable and sickening." Brittany admitted.
"That's what I was telling her. She wasn't thinking about you needing to tell to make sure worse rumors weren't spread either." Quinn shook her head "she said as a club we need to know every detail of each other emotional lives to capitalize on it in performances."
"She did. Even though I wanted to know, I couldn't get behind that." Mercedes said, "I knew you would tell us in due time whatever you wanted to."
"I've got to be honest, had I heard that I would have been livid. I would've gone ALL lima heights on her tiny dwarf ass." Santana snapped.
"Kindness Sanny." Brittany reminded gently.
"No, it would've been well deserved. I do miss her, and she had no right to break up with me. And after I was vulnerable too I thought she'd understand but instead, she got accusatory, digging up our past and present faults. I should've let her leave then but instead, I attempted to mend a relationship she had taken all investment out of months ago. It was unsalvagable and now I'm left broken and alone. I don't sleep, I can't eat and my voice is going." Quinn ranted "What am I going to do?"
"Music always makes me feel better, and maybe singing to her will at least start the healing process," Santana suggested.
"I don't know…" Quinn mumbled.
"Trust me. San is like a doctor with music." Brittny encouraged.
"Okay...okay." Quinn convinced herself. Santana sat at the piano and played a melancholy tune even Mercedes knew well. Quinn softly let the lyrics flow from her lips at a whisper.
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong
Brittany and Mercedes watched on as Quinn's voice grew weaker and quieter and turned to a silent cry as the last note echoed off the piano. Santana sat with her hair obscuring her face, staring down at the keys. She pushed her hair back from her face after a moment, revealing her own tears. She slid to the floor from the bench and Asher darted to her side. Brittnay looked up as Asher barked. It was less than a second before she was cradling Santana. The girl's hands clenched her shirt in tight fists. Brittany whispered words of comfort and reassured Santana until the trembling stopped and the girl loosened her grip. She stroked her back, helping her breathe deeply, following along herself. Asher settled himself in both their laps before Brittany set Santana down and let Asher calm her down in only a way he could. She stayed by their side, watching Mercedes calm Quinn. Mercedes caught her gaze and nodded that she had Quinn, taking the girl outside. Quinn had always liked fresh air, and Brittnay hoped that would still be true.
"Santana honey, what happened?" Brittany asked. Asher nudged Santana's hand, wiggling under it so she could push herself up to a sitting position.
"As I was playing those words, my mind filled with what would happen if you were gone." Santana took Brittany's hands "And I know you NEVER would but my brain didn't process that."
"That's totally understandable babe. It's an emotional song." Brittany kissed Santana's temple "I think it helped Quinn. She and Mercedes are outside."
"I think it would help her more if she played and sang it to Berry." Santana shrugged "But that's not my decision to make."
"Well, if it's any consolation, I agree. There's no other way to get through to Rachel." Brittany shook her head "I just can't believe Rachel stooped so low."
"She's the eighth dwarf Britt…" Santana giggled "But I think she felt betrayed. She thinks of us as her best friends. And she also can't stand being out of the spotlight. Plus, it threatened Glee club, which is a direct threat to her. It's all she has."
"What about Quinn?" Brittany asked.
"A person isn't the same as having something. I'm smart, you can dance, the boys play sports, Mercedes is in her church choir. She's known for one thing: Glee." Santana explained softly.
"S and B, is it safe to enter?" Quinn called from the backyard door.
"Yeah, come on Q." Brittany called. Quinn came in, Mercedes on her tail, a proud smile on her face.
"I'm going to sing it to her. Miserable at Best. It's time I was honest about my emotions. I think that's the root of the issue." Quinn admitted, "Could I get the sheet music San?"
"Yeah, here ya go. You better start Glee club with it or Schue's going to forfeit." Santana shook her head. What kind of teacher was he, seriously?
The next day at Glee club, Quinn pulled Santana away from Brittany immediately. "I can't do it." the blonde worried "I can't."
"Trust yourself Q, you can. I can't help you," Asher pawed at Santana "My anxiety is through the roof."
"I'll try." Quinn sighed, taking a seat at the piano. Rachel arrived beside and rolled her eyes at Quinn at the piano.
"This better be good ." he took his seat and Quinn started the song. Santana saw the teacher's eyes widen at the ex-cheerios raw emotional vocals. Quinn had always been a good singer in 's eyes, but her soft voice lacked depth. Hearing her like this brought something more dynamic to the girl's voice. When she'd finished, he was the first to out of his seat for her standing ovation. Rachel quietly approached Quinn and signaled the all-clear for them to leave after he realized there was mascara running down both girls' faces. Santana had managed to stay calm throughout by keeping a tight hold of Brittany and a hand buried in Asher's fur. She couldn't help the emotions the song drew out but was glad it had been helpful to Quinn.
"Alright, with the drama being hopefully taken care of we need to prepare for Nationals. They'll be looking for extravagant performances with weeks put in, which is why we are starting now. There's no theme, but we want to show that we have a lot of different strengths. We need songs that showcase our dancers and our singers. Solos and leads are up for grabs, we will have one solo, and we will need two lead males and two lead females. This is all based on song dynamics, we will show our other diversity through how you're partnered for dances. The solo will be a ballad, which means I need to hear a ballad for your audition. The leads will be somewhere in the pop and rock genres, same goes that way. I'd like to put a setlist together and get our soloist and leads decided by the end of the week. Brittany, Mike, I'd ask that you don't audition for either of those. I need your lungs dedicated to dancing." finished. He knew already who would be fighting for the solo: Santana, Mercedes, and Rachel. Ballads weren't any of the boys' strengths aside from Kurt, and he knew he may have to consider him as well. He knew Finn, Sam, and Blaine would be vying for the male leads spots, Artie would possibly throw his hat in the ring as well. He hoped to hear a tryout from Quinn and Tina as well, but he wasn't opposed to giving those two coveted positions to Satana or Mercedes if neither girl threw her hat in the ring.
Quinn and Rachel entered shortly after everyone started planning and debriefed them. Santana was debating with Brittany if she should go out for a lead or a solo. Santana could handle a ballad but she loved performing fast-paced songs, and it might give her some leverage in convincing of what to include on the setlist. Brittany, however, warned her not to get her hopes up or be too far from the top 40s with her pick. If it wasn't Broadway (which Santana argued very well maybe the teacher's plan for the solo) it was meant to be classic beloved songs from the past or top 40s. The judges wanted to know the songs, not dig through a teenager's playlist. Santana assured Brittany all was well with her plans, and they agreed she wouldn't go out for the solo. However, Santana did convince Kurt to go out, as if in her place, as well as up her own competition by getting a guaranteed fight from Tina and Quinn.
The next day, dedicated the entire time to every audition. He started with the soloists, and everyone brought amazing songs that they absolutely killed. However, Mercedes stood out, and knowing she'd be background in dance numbers, even more so than Rachel, he gave her the solo. Rachel accepted defeat, as did Kurt, both knowing that Mercedes had outdone them if only slightly. The leads auditioned next, and Quinn and Santana emerged victorious over Tina. Sam and Blaine took the male leads, and they were coupled up blonde to blonde and brunette to brunette.
A setlist was determined throughout the next two days, everyone presenting their ideas, some with basic dance numbers, others trying to explain where Mercedes could belt, usually getting a hell no from the girl. Brittany and Santana had brought up quite a few songs that they felt were just shy of the top 40s in their prime, and while they were, deemed them not quite mainstream enough to make a splash with the judges. That's when they turn towards the top 40 for something they know will allow for a massive dance number while showcasing Satana's vocals.
"Tell me you brought something more relevant, today girls." rubs his temples, not a single song on the setlist yet, though he has a lot of contenders for Mercedes solo (presented by Mercedes) along with some subpar suggestions for at least one of the group numbers.
"It's certainly relevant." Santana nods at the band and smirks "Are you ready?" and goes into Demi Lovato's "Confident". But, to even 's surprise (lover of mashups) they've mashed it with "Cool For The Summer".
What's wrong with being confident?
We're cool for the summer!
"I must say, I'm impressed!" says "I hadn't considered doing a mashup, but I actually think this might just work. It obviously suits Satana's voice, what do you think Blaine?" he asks the boy who shrugs nonchalantly, "I think I can handle being confident."
With one out of three songs decided, and Santana suitably pleased with the song selection for herself and Blaine, Quinn and Sam stand up front nervously. Apparently, Satana should've been working with her duet partner, but his bow ties freaked her out. Asher licked her hand and she pets him letting him know the bow ties were not too freaky. To Santana's surprise, however, Sam gave his place to Artie, if this song made it, Artie could handle it better than him. When Artie started the rap from "Same Love" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Mary Lambert, Satana understood the switch up. With it being a song beloved but a good amount of the Glee club, and performed beautifully by the two, it was locked into the setlist.
Left was Mercedes who found her way to the front. With a going theme of confidence and self-love, it was by pure luck that she too had picked a song that followed that theme. Admittedly, was a bit concerned, but with the New Directions reputation for diversity, he knew there was no going back. The kids wanted their performances to mean something, especially if it was going to be televised. He knew to them, being on TV and dancing with who they loved meant more than any prize. The trophy meant nothing if they won it pretending to be someone they weren't. So when Mercedes sang Beautiful by Christina Aguilera, let the not-quite a ballad find a place on the setlist.
That weekend, Santana found herself in her living room with Blaine, Mike, Kurt, and Brittany. Kurt came as moral support and as an extra pair of eyes and ears as they got to work on the dance and song. The sooner they had the basics down, the sooner they could get the rest of the club fit into the song, functioning as the main group song and closing number. The pressure was on to make sure it was perfect. But, after three hours of back and forth with Blaine, Santana found herself outside, laying in the grass with Asher. Brittany convinced everyone that three hours was plenty for the day, and it honestly wasn't worth it to keep going without Santana. She knew her girlfriend often saw the weekend as a retreat from the wild world of school. To everyone's credit, they'd all left drama behind and Blaine had brought a peace offering in the form of a bow tie for Asher. Santana couldn't help but think anything on Asher was adorable, but she was still suspicious of the boy's obsession with hair gel and bow ties. Brittany joined Santana and laid beside her, twisting their hands together. The silence was relaxing, and Brittany realized how she'd been on overload after an emotional and stressful few weeks. Just sitting with her girlfriend was something she dearly missed, and she made it a point to schedule more calm dates like picnics and walks in the park. That gave her a brilliant idea.
"Hey, San?' Brittany broke the silence and the Latina squeezed her hand to let her know she was listening "We have time, if we go now, we can watch the sunset up on the hillside." the blonde suggested. The Latina turned to face her and nodded. She used to be able to watch the sunset from her window at home, but her Tia's house was too obscured by trees. They made their way to the hillside with Asher in tow. As they watched the sunset, it felt as though it was setting on a dark chapter of their lives, and when it rose the following morning, new happiness would be brought to them. It felt like the light that constantly shone down on their past was dimming. Their past would always be with them, but the finality of a sunset brought them the peace they desired.
A/N: I seriously need to calm down on my use of celestial bodies to be all mindful and loving and shit.