A/N: I'm finally back with an update. I know you probably wish I had an update schedule, and in reality, I should have one. Despite that, I don't, because I write when the words come and that's not something I can put a time limit on. However, I do warn updates may be sparser as I am starting school again and simply cannot devote as much time as I have previously.

Song is Nightmares by All Time Low

Chapter 22: Nightmares

It had been a while since Santana had one of her night terrors, so when she woke up in a cold sweat, Brittany beside her terrified and Asher holding her down she took a while to calm down. It was one she'd thought was gone, lost to the past. She'd had it before her attempt and it had only intensified afterward. It became more real because her nightmare- which came true- was that her attempt wouldn't be successful. That all the pain wouldn't be worth it. Once Asher finished DPT he moved off her and she sat up, running her fingers over her scars. Brittany watched her silently, knowing the Latina would tell her in her own time.

"I haven't had that one since Christmas. And I only had it once, briefly. This was...intense" Santana looked at the blonde beside her "It feels real you know."

"I know what you mean though I'm still not clear on which dream it was…" Brittany grumbled drowsily.

"The one about my attempt…" Santana sighed "It's going to haunt me forever. The water seeping into my clothes. The cold blade. The searing pain. The color."

"Santana." Brittany grabbed the Latina's face "I know I've always told you to tell me, but right now…" Brittany tucked some flyaway behind the girl's ear "You're saying some things that are better left unsaid."

"Right. Let's just get a few more hours of sleep." Santana cuddled into Brittany "We've got a long week ahead of us."

Santana was out of bed long before Brittany, having never fallen back to sleep, she took the opportunity to take a long shower before spending an hour working with Asher. He was doing incredibly well in his training, and Santana knew it would pay off. It was her Tia who first found her, now sitting at the piano, playing softly and humming.

"You're up early. I heard some ruckus but wanted to let Asher do his thing." she poured herself a cup of coffee from the pot Santana brewed.

"He did wonderful Tia. Gracias" she said, accepting a refill on her own mug.

"Good. And Brittnay helped too?" she smiled at her niece who nodded hesitantly.

"Well, I mean she was there but sometimes I can't tell her my dreams because they trigger her too." Santana admitted "Can I tell you which one came back? Maybe you have some insight on why?"

"Si, go ahead." Ali smiled and Santana recounted the dream, wary of her aunt's cringing. After a moment, Ali suggested the root "Perhaps you're under too much stress?" she offered and Santana examined her mental schedule. Her aunt had a point. She was stressed with the upcoming competition, but how could she possibly take anything off her plate.

"Tia, when you can take what's stressing you away, how do you deal with it?" Santana asked curiously.

"Mija, there is always something that can be removed from the schedule to make space for de-stressing. That said, if not, I try to make whatever I'm doing less stressful by not putting too much pressure on myself. I know you're a perfectionist Santanita, I am too. But perhaps you need to let yourself just be Santana, not the robot you were trained to be as a Lopez?" Ali kissed the girl's forehead and walked to her office. She hoped her advice helped, but knowing her niece she had her doubts. Brittnay came bounding down the stairs a few moments later and saw Santana stirring her coffee absent-mindedly.

"You okay babe?" Brittany pressed a kiss to the Latina's temple.

"Yeah, just tired." Santana smiled softly, trying to take any worry from Brittany.

"Don't stress so much," Brittany said, gently taking Santana's hand and outstretched her previously clenched fingers.

"I'll try B…" Santana got up and grabbed her bag and they headed to school. Brittany noted Santana's lack of awareness in class and the way she chewed on her hoodie strings absentmindedly. There had been one earbud playing music in the girl's ear all day and Brittany knew that the nightmare wasn't the only thing on the girl's mind. Something was eating away at her and she was determined to get to the bottom of it.

While Santana usually lit up at Glee, even on her worst days, she didn't today. Blaine and Mike looked to Brittany for guidance but she just shook her head. Santana didn't even acknowledge the boys or the rest of the club. It wasn't until got on her case that she snapped.

"Would you SHUT UP? We're not robots, we have lives and emotions outside of this damn choir room!" She shouted "I know you live vicariously through us but I'm not here to support your fantasy. I don't owe you an explanation, but if you must know fine. I haven't even told Britt why I'm so out of it."

"Santana, please just sit down, I'm sorry." tried half-heartedly, but Santana was in a rage.

"My best friend who died of cancer" Santana pulls up her sleeve "Emmy, died 3 years ago to the day tomorrow. So yeah. I'm a little out of it."

"Sanny…" Brittany comes to Santana's side and pulls her sleeve back down. Santana looks down silently.

"Friday Santana. I'll wait until Friday." says quietly, dismissing the club. Brittany shoos everyone off. Mr. Schue watches curiously through the window of his office as Santana sits at the piano.

"Do you think that's connected to the nightmare?" Brittany asks softly and Santana nods.

"I honestly do. But I have a feeling tonight will be rough. I think you should maybe not share the bed with me. I always get really bad nightmares when this time of year comes around. With the added stress…" she shakes her head "It's a lot."

"All the more reason for me to be there," Brittany nods.

"B...I'll have Tia talk to you about that decision later. But I wanted to play a song." Santana says and Brittnay nods for her to go ahead.

I gotta say it's hard to be brave

When you're alone in the dark

I told myself that I wouldn't be scared

But I'm still having nightmares

Santana plays through the entire song and Brittany just watches and listens as the emotions pour out of her girlfriend. In his office listens, realizing that he needs to be better for the kids. He's been so hard on them, working them to the bone. He has to encourage, not use them for a win. He's determined to make a change. He sits there for an hour after the girls leave, Santana's voice in his head.

Ali and Diego are both beyond concern at the silence between Brittany and Santana at the dinner table that night. Usually, they'd have a story about "Berry's WORST outfit yet" or something fun they'd done in Glee that day. With the competition coming up, they'd expected the girls to be going crazy over how awesome they were going to be. Instead, they ate silently, neither looking up from their plates.

"Okay, what's going on chicas?" Diego broke the silence, both girls jerking their necks up to stare at him, looking like deer in the headlights. "Seriously, this is extraña, something's going on."

"Sanny?" Brittany asks the Latina who just returns her gaze to her plate. The blonde sighs and runs her hand through her hair "Diego, you know what tomorrow is right?"

"Umm…" Diego looks to his mother for help before the realization washes over him "Oh. Shit, Tana...I can't believe it slipped my mind. That means tonight…"

"Go, don't say it. I know." Santana glances at the clock, the same way she had in the hospital that fateful evening. "I want to visit her grave after school tomorrow. With you." she looks at her cousin, conveying who she'd not included in that invitation.

"Brittany...maybe you should go home to your parents tomorrow," Diego said, and Brittany nodded understandingly. She'd been introduced to the Latina's friend before. She knew that it was important that Santana went with her cousin that day- especially because of who they might run into.

"You'll keep her safe, si?" Ali looked to her son who nodded dutifully. "Emma's parents may well be visiting the grave."

"Emmy's parents visit the grave every year." Santana said quietly "They leave the same picture every year: the last picture of her and me." Brittany looks at her girlfriend, who just smiles softly before continuing "A very well expect to run into them. They hold no foul feelings towards me. In fact, they thank me for helping them understand their daughter when she wasn't there to tell them."

"Well, keep an eye out for any other Lopezes then," Ali says, before gathering the dishes and heading to the kitchen. Brittany follows after her, leaving Diego and Santana to sit in remembrance.

"Ali?" Brittany asks quietly, grabbing a towel and drying the dishes.

"What is it, Brittany?" Ali stops her washing and looks at the blonde " Spit it out, I know something is bothering you."

"San doesn't want me to share her bed tonight. She says the nightmares will be too violent. She said you'd convince me that she was right." Brittany looks down "But I think she's wrong."

"Dios Mio. Santana doesn't understand that your presence is a source of comfort in itself when she's in such a state. But she has a right to be concerned. This particular nightmare is frightening to see. Diego saw it the first time, three years ago. The first time Santana fell asleep afterward, she was cuddled beside him. She thrashed so terribly she broke his nose." Ali tilts Brittany's chin up "That said, she needs you. So you'll sleep beside her, and hopefully, your face will be fine."

"She won't be happy." Brittany says "Maybe I should just sleep on the floor beside her bed."

"Mi Amor, you needn't do that." Santana says as she comes into the kitchen "Diego told me that he believes that, even subconscious as I'll be, I could never hurt you." Santana kisses Brittany softly.

"Good. Then it's decided. Santana, what would you like to do tonight?" Ali asks, and Satana sets a line of candles on the counter and retrieves a framed picture of Emmy from her room, and sets it amongst them. She smiles and grabs a tape from an old box of home videos and drags everyone to the couch. Diego is there, saving Princess Emmy and Princess Santana from the tower they've been locked in, made of a cardboard box.

"I remember this day." Diego remarks "Emmy fought me so she could save you herself after I saved her." he says as the scene plays out before them.

"She saved me many times. Sleepovers at her house were an escape from the abuse." Santana says "Her parents never knew what my parents did to me. But they let me stay over the night after this. After dad got mad we'd been two princesses in love."

"I thought her parents went to church with your parents," Brittany said, and Santana nodded.

"We all went together. But Emmy's parents never took our play as anything more than that. Not that it would have mattered. They loved us both." Santana smiles as Emmy's parents come on screen and pick both of them up. They smile at Diego who'd taken the camera from them and wave goodbye before the tape cuts off. "Emmy was freedom to me. Happiness and joy and everything good. Everything a best friend should be. Quinn thinks of you the same way you know." Santana puts the tape away.

"She does?' Brittany asks, and Santana looks at her as if it were obvious. "I mean, she just never acted like I was anything important…"

"You should hang out with her tomorrow. She'll tell you." Satana said, "Now, I think it's bedtime, but first, needs to go run around a bit." She takes the dog outside and sits on the porch throwing his ball as she looks at the stars. She knows it'll be a long night, but she's not scared with Brittany by her side as she falls into a restless sleep that night.

After a terrible sleep plagued by nightmares, both girls are dragging the entire day. But Santana feels a need to share the song with her classmates. She knows heard- he wasn't great at hiding himself in his office. So when she approaches him about singing, he easily gives her the go-ahead. One little diversion from Nationals won't lose the competition.

Every little thing got me coming back around

Digging up old memories

Always used to be the one to let it go

Got my fears in a suitcase

She looks up as she finishes the song and sees Diego sitting front and center. He gets up and hugs her tightly. He motions to Artie and takes a seat at the piano. "I set something up for you hermanita, I hope you like it."

It's been a long day without you, my friend

And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

We've come a long way from where we began

Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

When I see you again

Artie took on the rap and Santana couldn't have been more thankful for Diego's plan. They leave Glee club after that and, armed with flowers and a small teddy bear, join Emmy's parents at her grave for a tearful reunion.
That afternoon, Brittany takes Quinn to the Lima Bean and slowly but surely, they begin to rekindle their friendship, without their girlfriends going at each other as a distraction. Brittany never realized how much the Pierce house was a haven for others, after all, she'd found a haven further away in her treehouse. It was that knowledge that brought Quinn Fabray back to the Pierce table for the first time in over a year. Olivia was especially excited because Quinn was a "celebrity" just like her big sister. Quinn even indulged Olivia's wish to have a dance party that night, grateful to be included in something so much more joyous than her life at home.

The rest of the week passed without incident, and by Friday, Satana, Blaine, Brittany, and Mike gave their first performance. was tough on them, but also praised them on how much work they'd gotten done already. He could see the passion was there, bubbling at the surface. All they had to do was let it go and they would kill this performance. But what surprised them all, was that didn't expect them to be at that point Monday. They needed to rest over the weekend- because they were in for a week of hard work, and he wanted them well-rested. Before they all headed out, he made an announcement.

"Alright, I know you're all excited for a relaxing weekend, but before you go, I want to highlight someone who you all may have forgotten. Tina, come up here," he said, and the shy girl nervously made her way to the front. "Tina is going to be in charge of designing our outfits for Nationals. She worked behind the scenes for the past performances, but I wanted you all to know who tailors your costumes so you can dance and sing at your best. If you have any special requests, bring them to her. Tina, anything you'd like to add?"

"Yeah, can I see Santana and Brittany real quickly?" she asks, and with the girl's agreement, everyone else left. "Santana, do you want me to make you a costume with long sleeves? And Brittany, how much flexibility do you need to do the splits?"

"I'll help you with that T." Mike says about Brittany's outfit, their attention turning to Santana.

"No. I'm baring it all. It's time I was confident." Satana smiles, determined to make this the best performance of her life.