It was snowing again. Not brutally like last time, but enough that the cold air laden with icy flakes soaked me to the bone.
"If only I had taken my jacket before leaving…"
Why had I left? What had led me to run away from the happiest moment of my life? I knew the reason, but it was hard to accept.
"Kristoff!"
I got startled by Anna's cracked voice, and, when I turned around, I saw her running toward me through the snow, in her rubber boots and still wearing just that tiny dress.
"Are you crazy?! You're going to get pneumonia!"
"Kristoff… please, don't go. Come back inside with us."
Anna's eyes pleaded me on the verge of tears as her teeth chattered and her hands did their best to cover her body.
"Go back home, Anna. I… I don't…"
"I am sorry."
"What? Why are you apologizing?"
"I'm sorry I kissed you. You drive me crazy, in a good way, don't get me wrong, and I thought you liked me too… but, obviously, it was all my imagination. I'm really sorry.
"Anna, I like you. A lot."
"R… really? So… what was…?"
Anna took a couple more steps closer without finishing her question and I fought the urge to back them up to keep my distance. I couldn't keep running. She deserved, at least, to understand what had just happened.
"Will you join me in the car? I don't want you to freeze to death before my eyes."
Anna nodded and let me guide her to my car, which was already beginning to have snow-covered windows. Once inside, I turned the hot air on full blast and she kicked off her boots and began rubbing her toes in an effort to feel them again.
"I…" I said offering her the blanket that I always kept in the back seat and trying to escape her scrutinizing gaze. "I'm scared."
"What are you scared of? Is it of me? It's of me, isn't it?"
Even in that situation, she managed to make me laugh.
"Not exactly".
"So that means yes."
"No!"
"Then, what of?" she asked tentatively as she looked at me from under that incredibly thick layer of lashes.
I took a breath and let myself deflate. From the beginning, she had been able to see through me and made me let it all come out, and that time, it wasn't going to be the exception. There was no armor that worked against her magical arts.
"You are… you are the first person I remember fully trusting. As a child I suffered one disappointment after another, but… when I was older, I decided that that would not happen to me again. It's not been difficult to stay out of people since then. I assumed that I could only believe in myself and felt safe that way. But… suddenly, you arrive and break everything."
Anna's eyes widened, but her mouth didn't let out a word. She only offered me her hand as comfort. No flirting or playing seduction; just with the purest intention of sheltering me once more.
"Now… I don't know what to believe anymore. Since I met you, I want to change, I want to open up, I want to give myself the opportunity to love because if I don't… I will lose you."
"And… isn't that a good thing?" she whispered as my hand unconsciously clutched hers.
"Yes. And no. The time I've spent with you has been the most gratifying of my life. I feel good by your side and, God, I wanted that kiss with all my might, but… but if the day comes when you break my heart too… I will have lost everything."
Anna smiled sweetly at me, unwrapped the blanket, and meticulously covered me with it. Afterward, she put her boots back on, opened the car door, and, when I thought she was going to go home hurt by my words, she straightened her posture, looked at the sky, opened her arms, and, to my surprise, began to shout.
"Let lightning strike me here and now if I am going to stop loving this man in this or any other life!"
And then she closed her eyes, clenched her fists, and waited in silence as the snow engulfed her and came into the car and into my wide-open mouth.
The seconds passed and, the kind of invisible tension that flooded us, disappeared giving way to a relaxed posture and to her beautiful and pearly grin.
"Phew! What a relief! Remind me not to do something like that ever again," she finally said getting back into the car cold as an icicle.
"You know you are fucking crazy?" I said trying to control my laughter as I wrapped the blanket around her again and covered the blanket with my body to give her even more warmth.
"But the problem is solved."
I couldn't hold it anymore and burst out laughing.
"Anna, I love you."
The words came out of my mouth without thinking, but I didn't want to withdraw them. There was no point in trying to hide the truth. Anna pressed her lips together in a modest smile, uncovered herself again, and flung herself into my arms.
"Kristoff, I love you too. And I'm not going to leave you. Never. I really want to be with you."
I brushed the bangs off her forehead while, once again, letting the saddest part of my personality come out in front of her.
"I know that's what you think now, but… What if the day comes when you realize that you just needed someone so you don't feel lonely when Elsa goes to Antarctica? Or, what if you realize that what you really feel for me is pity and then you don't dare to leave me so as not to sink me into misery and you live a miserable life because of me?"
"Slow down. First of all," she said putting the icy tip of her index finger on my huge nose. "you are not the replacement of anyone. I would miss Elsa even though you were here and, the last days, I've missed you even though Elsa was by my side."
I gulped at that statement that was filling my soul with hope like a jug fills a glass from on high.
"And, in second place: yes, I feel sorry for you, and anger, and pain. It hurts me that they have done so much harm to whom I want to care for and protect. And I want to fill you with love and make you happy, but not as a charity act. It is not enough for me that you are happy. As selfish as it sounds, I want you to be happy with me. I want to be the one who gives you all that love, I want to be me and only me who can touch you, I want to be the only one you look at with desire and longing, I want to be everything to you. But not out of pity, it's because you already are everything to me."
Her words inundated me. There was a magical power in them that restored my confidence, the desire to fight, to face the world and whatever it took, because, if Anna was with me, life finally made sense.
"You think I can kiss you?"
"I don't know what are you waiting for."
Her smile filled everything and my lips took it to themselves. And I bathed in them, in their warmth and in their life, in the joy and love that they transmitted to me. And I basked in every inch of her sweet skin and breathed deeply of her scent.
A soft, shared gasp was the first thing we both heard as we slowly parted our heads and let our gazes meet. A gasp of need and desire; a breath of life.
"So, are you finally going to let me undress you?" she asked, regaining her mischievous smile.
"Maybe when your sister is not waiting for us at the entrance trying to get drunk with grape juice."
"Elsa?"
"She ran out after you. I thought you knew it; you can see her from here."
"Hmmm… Then it'll have to wait, I guess."
"Yeah, probably."
"Let's go inside to celebrate the first best year of our lives?"
"Let's go."
When we got back, Elsa scold us for leaving her waiting outside in the cold and then hugged and congratulated us.
"Have you already told her what was the gift I gave you?" she said winking at me just before retiring to her room to sleep, clearly seeking revenge for the cold sore fingers on her hands.
"The envelope note?! Can you already tell me about it?!"
"Uh…"
"Wait! I got it! You tell me that and I give you your gift, come with me!"
And, for a change without waiting for an answer, she tightly grabbed my hand and ran to the art study. There, she took the canvas that was waiting covered on the easel and handed it to me.
"You've finished the painting?"
"Uncover it."
Curiously, I uncovered the canvas supposing that I would find my finished portrait and I was not mistaken; but that wasn't just my portrait, it was OUR portrait. In the painting, Anna hugged me in that same dress, as if it were some kind of prediction.
"How…?"
"Do you like it?" she asked, suddenly showing her shy side.
"I love it…"
I stared at the painting for a few minutes without really believing what my eyes were seeing. The level of detail was overwhelming, the way she had captured our expressions, the bond that was giving off of us as deep and inexplicable as the real one… It was the first gift I had ever been given (save for Elsa's note), and, without a doubt, I would never forget it.
Just for a second, I imagined what that painting would be like with a larger family; one full of children who feel really loved by their parents, full of laughter, hugs, and games. And I had to shake my head not to add a dog, a cabin in the woods, and that delicious carrot cake to the scene as well.
"I think I'm getting ambitious."
Anna smiled pleased, surely, reading my mind as she always did and gently kissed my lips.
"That's good, because I already am."
And, gently running her mouth on my skin and her hands on my zipper, she made sure to finally fulfill her goal making us totally forget Elsa's note; that note that, well, someday, perhaps not too far away, I would show to her.