A/N: long time no see! i do apologize, but school's tough. I managed to get this completed over spring break. summer is coming soon, so hopefully I'll be able to get more content out. Until then, this will have to suffice. hope ya'll are enjoying Liv's story. song is by With Confidence.
Chapter 36: Voldemort
After they finished at the bookstore, they went back to the Pierce's for lunch. Santana could feel Liv's anxiety, and Asher pawed at her in warning. She pet him gently, letting him know she'd be okay. Still, he watched her carefully as they pulled into the Pierce driveway. Liv quickly hopped out of the car and went straight to their room. Susan and Daniel shrugged it off and went to prepare lunch. Santana felt compelled to go both ways, but Brittany ended up following her sibling so she went towards the kitchen.
"We're making sandwiches Santana" Whitney said "What would you like on yours?"
"Turkey would be great." she said.
"Mayo and mustard?" Whitney asked "Cheese?"
"Yeah." the Latina said making her way to the backyard "Thanks, by the way."
"Of course. It'll be ready in a few minutes." Mrs.Pierce smiled. Upstairs, Britt sat on Liv's bed, watching them pace.
"If you're not ready it's okay." Brittany reminded.
"But I am…I'm just not sure how they'll take it. I don't want to ever upset them." the younger Pierce said.
"Santana and I will be right there with you no matter what. We've got your back." Brittany said "I love you. I don't say it enough but I love having a little sibling as amazing as you. Mom and Dad will see you're amazing no matter your name, pronouns or gender."
"Lunch is ready!" Daniel called up the stairs.
"Coming!" Brittany replied and looked to her sibling "Remember, this is your choice, but I'm on your side regardless." They both headed down the stairs where Santana and their parents had already sat down. Asher was asleep in the dog bed that had become a part of the living room furniture. The meal was pretty quiet, and Santana's eyes darted around nervously. Asher stirred from his slumber to lay across her tapping feet. As everyone finished, Liv cleared their throat.
"I, um, I have something I want to tell you. And, before you start guessing or protesting just listen.' They took a deep breath, and Brittany squeezed their hand under the table. "I'm genderfluid. And I use they/them pronouns. And I sometimes like to go by Oli." they finished and everyone looked at the Pierce parents, waiting for a response.
"Okay." Daniel said "I support you, and will try my best to accommodate you and make your life a little easier."
"Yes, me too. I definitely want to learn more about it, but no matter what, we are your parents. Nothing could ever make us not love you." Whitney smiled at her youngest.
"And about skipping a grade, I'd love to. Just, I wanted to take care of this first." Liv said.
"We can definitely make that happen. Speaking of the school, what should we tell them?" Whitney asked, and Liv looked to Santana and Brittany, hoping they might know, but it was painfully obvious they didn't.
"I don't know." they sat down "It's not like I'm just one Liv or one Oli. I'm both, but not at the same time. It's such a day by day, sometimes even different during a day, basis."
"Let me do some research then, and I'll see if there's any suggestions, okay?" Mrs.Pierce asked and Liv nodded before heading back up the stairs. Santana knew that something was quite right, but the Pierces' eyes on her told her not to follow.
"So you both knew?" Whitney asked and Santana nodded nervously and felt Brittany squeeze her hand as the blonde responded similarly.
"And what inclined you to not tell us?" Daniel asked.
"I was outed. I would never dream of doing that to anyone else, regardless of the situation. It was their right to tell you,not mine." Santana said. She manages to contain her emotions about the subject, she knows the Pierces don't mean any harm, but it seems so insensitive to her. To assume it's their right to be told? If Liv was in danger or hurting herself, of course Santana would tell them, but this was a completely different situation. Doing it on their own time was better. She hadn't realized she'd zoned out until Brittany waved a hand in front of her face.
"Huh?" Santana looked at her girlfriend, who had a worried look on her face. "Sorry I was just thinking."
"About what?" Brittany asked.
"Don't worry about it." Santana brushed it off, but she hoped Brittany understood she just didn't want to talk in front of her parents.
"Okay, uh Ma and Pa wanted to know how they can be supportive." Brittany said.
"Do whatever you did with Britt." Santana said.
"That's the thing. Brittnay never really came out. She was just…Brittany. I mean, when she told us about you we were a little surprised but not really. She was very nonchalant about it. I'm not sure it was as big of a deal to her. Right?" Daniel asked, and the blonde shrugged.
"Honestly, I knew Santana was the one, whatever you said wouldn't change anything. I wanted your support, but if I hadn't gotten it it wouldn't have changed a thing. Plus we'd been through other crap together, far more pressing than me liking girls." Brittany explained.
"Well" Santana sighed "I know what not to do certainly, but just try to educate yourselves. They don't have all the answers, and if you could help them find those answers, it might really help. Just listen to everything they say. And don't make a huge deal when you mess up, correct yourself quickly and move on. They know it's an adjustment."
"Okay. Thank you girls. Let us know if you need anything. Santana, you're welcome to stay for dinner again." Whitney said.
"Thank you Mrs.Pierce. I hope I haven't been too much trouble." the Latina said.
"Of course not sweetheart. You're a Pierce too." Whitney smiled. Santana's heart swelled, she liked the sound of that. Brittany smiled, seeing the happiness in her girlfriend's eyes. The two of them headed up stairs and peeked in on Liv. Their nose was buried in a book, and the girls decided best to leave them to it.
"I see you" Liv said as Santana was trying to close the door "Did you want something?"
"Just checking on you." Brittany said.
"Well, as you can see I'm alive, so did you get your answer?" Liv lifted an eyebrow.
"Liv-" Santana started
"OLI" they asserted.
"Oli" Santana corrected "We just want to make sure you're feeling okay. Don't need anything, whatever."
"I'm fine." they said.
"Okay…" Brittany said "Just…enjoy your book I guess." the blonde said, turning away. Santana gave the younger Pierce one last glance before following the older.
"Somethings wrong." Santana said as soon as she closed Brittany's bedroom room behind her, Asher nudging her hand. She sat down on Brittany's bed and scratched his head.
"You think I don't know that?" Brittany asked, aggravated.
"I never said that." Santana said.
"Sorry. They've never shut me out." Brittany dug through her closet, for what Santana wasn't sure. "See" Brittany held a shoe box full of pictures and notes "Liv and I would pass these back and forth. They'd write me at camp and tell me all about their summer. They were little, so sometimes Ma wrote for her but they wanted to talk to me. I'd leave notes in their lunch and they'd leave notes in mine. To this day, I find notes on my door, my desk, heck even in my car. Sometimes stuck under the windshield wipers."
"I know you're worried. But they are growing up, whether you like it or not. And what's happening to them, and what's going to happen them in the coming years, especially biologically, is probably terrifying." Santana says.
"That hadn't even crossed my mind." Brittany slumped down onto the bed "Why didn't that cross my mind?"
"Because they're your baby sibling." Santana says "You'll never think they're growing up, nor see them as grown up. And both of us didn't exactly have the time of our lives then. It's not something we think about."
"God I love you." Brittany kissed Santana, and attempted to deepen it but the Latina stopped her.
"We've broken the door open policy already, let's open again and not break your parents trust, yeah?" Santana asked. Brittany groaned as she got up and swung the door open. Taped to the door was a note from Oli.
"Sorry I was rude. I'm fine. -Oli" Brittany read aloud. "They are gonna make this blues clues I swear."
The weekend was tense, the Pierces trying almost too hard to show their acceptance, Liv, who was now trying to settle on just one name, had been in a dreadful mood since that first conversation. And Santana, well all the tension had her anxiety rising and Brittany and Asher both were worried sick. Early that Monday morning, it all culminated in a dizzying nightmare that turned into a panic attack. Asher jumped into action to help his Mami. Brittany was right there when Asher had finished DPT to help Santana recover. It had been one Santana's quietest attacks, her face stuck in a silent scream, but little less than whimpers escaping. After ensuring Santana wasn't actually hurt in anyway, Brittany helped her girlfriend to the bathroom where she ran a bath. She helped Santana in and turned to leave when a small hoarse whisper came from the Latina.
"Stay." It was one word, but Brittany knew it was an important word. She carefully climbed in behind the Latina, despite what her parents might think, Santana was more important in that moment. Brittany gently rubbed tan shoulders, easing the girls muscles. She knew what was bothering her- she didn't need to ask, it was bothering everyone. After both of their hands had pruned, Brittany wrapped herself in a towel before helping Santana out and wrapping one around the Latina. There was a knock on the bathroom door and then a call
"Girls, is everything alright?" Whitney asked.
"Yeah Ma." Brittany responded.
"Britty, I need to speak with you. Can you come out here?"
"Yeah, just a sec." Brittnay made sure Santana was okay and then exited the bathroom quickly shutting the door behind her, carefully holding her towel.
"Do I need to reiterate my rules?" Whitney asked.
"Ma I can explain, but can I get some clothes first?" Brittany begged. Whitney pointed the way back across the hall to the girl's bedroom. Brittany quickly slipped on a pair of loose sweats and a tshirt.
"Alright. Explain." Whitney tapped her foot.
"San woke up with a huge panic attack. But it was silent. She's usually sobbing and stuff but this one was different. This was brought on by stress, not fear. I intended to just let her soak, but she asked me to stay. We didn't do anything, I just rubbed her shoulders while we soaked in the tub. It was completely innocent, and had I left…I'm not sure Santana's head would've stayed above that water." Brittany took a deep breath, and looked at her mom.
"I'm sorry. I'm sure it was scary for you both." Whitney said "I just…I know you two have been like that together and I just…I have to come to terms with the fact it might as well happen here rather than somewhere else. It's just hard as a mother."
"Ma, we have been but it's not a huge part of our relationship. We both have a complicated past that makes it something that we put real thought into." Brittany says "we aren't normal teenagers. We have trauma."
"I know. Well, why don't you and her finish getting ready okay? I'm going to check on your sis- sibling." Whitney says.
"You're doing great Ma." Brittany hugs her mom before returning to Santana, armed with clothes for her.
Just a half hour later, everyone is eating breakfast when Liv has a new announcement.
"So, I've decided that I don't mind being called Liv all the time. It's me. But just Liv. Not Livvy, not Olivia. Liv." They say.
"So what about Oli?" Daniel asks.
"I liked it too but it didn't quite feel like me. I realized that even when I feel more boyish, Liv is still my name and I don't mind it." Liv says.
"Well, then Liv it shall be." Brittany smiles.
"Cool." Liv finishes her breakfast and Brittany sees her little sibling sneak a note into her lunch and is glad she'd already left Liv one. Santana is quiet the entire morning, having said nothing since stay. The three students get in the car and head off to drop Liv. They have another week left in their current grade. Santana motions for Liv to come to her door and gives the younger kid a hug before letting them head into school. Brittany pulls out and finally asks
"Did Domino or Lord Tubbs steal your tongue?"
"No" Santana replies, her voice cracking.
"Baby, what's wrong?" Brittany asks. Santana just looks down. Brittany pulls up to McKinley and stops Santana from getting out. There's plenty of time. "Talk to me San." The Latina shakes her head and scribbles quickly
"Everytime I talk I feel sick."
"Like you're gonna puke?" Brittany asks and Santana nods. "Try to push past it baby."
"I'm scared." Santana says quietly "It feels weird. Brittany what's happening?"
"It's just a phenomenon San. Keep talking." Brittany coaches. She used to shut down and not talk for hours, and especially after waking up it created this ache.
"So I'm okay? I'm starting to feel better." Santana "But talking is making me really tired."
"Okay baby. Let's just take it easy today okay?" Brittany says, and they grab their bags and Asher and head inside.
At lunch, Brittany finally gets a chance to read the note Liv wrote.
"Britty,
Please take Santana home after-school. And I mean her house. I can tell the tension here is getting to her, and I can't stand to hurt her. I can see the pain, don't try to bring her and tell me differently. I'd tell you to not come home if I thought I didn't need you, but I do. I really do, I need my big sister.
Love Liv"
"What's the note say?" Santana asks tiredly.
"Can you to back to your house today?" Brittany asks.
"Yeah, sure we can." Santana says.
"Not us. You." Brittany says.
"I mean I don't mind of you need some alone time, I'm sure we could use it, but why today?" Santana wonders.
"Liv needs me but they don't want to hurt you." Brittany explains "And before you argue, consider early this morning."
"I'm not going to argue, but please don't let her blame herself. I'll miss you, but I understand. Ash will keep and eye on me, and I'm sure Ali will come home for the night." Santana assures.
"Great. I just really hope they are okay, I don't want to find out things are worse than they appear." Brittany sighs.
"I know babe." Santana lays her head on Brittany's shoulder.
Brittany barley listens to Mr.Schue in Glee club that week, but Santana fills her in on their way out of school.
"Britt, maybe this will help you out. It's all about supporting others. Being there to lift each other up. Liv needs someone to lean on, right?" the Latina points out.
"Okay. You've got a point." Brittany admits. They get to the car and part at the Lopez house. Brittany composes herself before pulling out of the driveway and picking up Liv from school.
"Hey kiddo. How was school?" Brittany asks.
"Fine." Liv says sliding into the backseat.
"Anything interesting?" Brittany looks into the rearview.
"No." Liv keeps their eyes averted. Brittany sighs and the rest of the drive is quiet. Liv is out of the door and through the front door before Brittany can even turn the car off. She drags herself to the door, Lady Domino and Tubbs meowing at her. She tosses them a few treats before heading to the kitchen table.
"Welcome home sweetheart." Whitney says "you need a snack?"
"No thanks Ma, I'm just gonna focus on homework. Where's Liv?"
"They stormed upstairs." Whitney shakes her head "I get that things are changing but their behavior is unacceptable."
"Go easy." Brittany pleads.
"You know I will. So why no Santana?" Mrs.Pierce asks.
"She shouldn't be in this tense environment." Brittany doesn't look away from her math worksheet.
"Okay…you don't get attitude with me too, please." the woman says. Brittany nods, and Whitney goes back to cooking.
Once her homework, Brittany goes upstairs and knocks on Livs door. She gets the all-clear to enter. Liv is sitting in the bay window, looking out.
"How are you?" Brittany asks.
"Fine." Liv repeats.
"Truth. Now." Brittany demands.
"I'm not great. I'm stressed and tired and angry at everything." Liv says.
"That's better." Brittany sits down with her sibling "You want to tell me why?"
"Well I told my friends and they didn't really get it. At all. They made fun of me and said they wouldn't be my friend anymore." Liv shrugs "Guess it's for the best with me skipping a grade and all."
"You don't deserve to be treated that way." Brittany says "everyone should accept you for who you are."
"But what if they're right? Maybe I am just destined to be a lonely loser freak." they look at Brittany "I'm too different."
"No, you're perfect just as you are." Brittany says "I'm here for you."
"IF you're not busy." Liv huffs. "Just go."
"Okay…I'm sorry." Brittany gets up "I'll leave…" and leaves. She wants to stay and be there for Liv, but she doesn't know how. Sure, she'd been an outcast before, but she'd always kept her friend. Even though Quinn had periodically left her side, Kurt was always there without fail. Brittany also never backed down from a fight, and she'd had to learn that early on. Liv had never had to protect themselves, Brittany had always been there. She couldn't step in now, it would only make things worse. She sat slumped against her siblings bedroom door, listening to them sniffle softly, trying to hold back tears. She pulled out her phone and texted Santana an S.O.S. Her girlfriend responded quickly, and gave the only advice she knew: music heals. Brittany opened up her music and scrolled through when she found a song that she thought might just do the trick. She couldn't just have Liv listen to it though. She couldn't just sing it either, she needed to play it. Finally, she moved from her spot and grabbed her guitar and went to the backyard. It was tough to learn a song, but Brittany had her ways. She practiced until her parents called her in for dinner, and then was back at it until her mom convinced her to go to bed. The next morning, she sat stoically next to Liv as they both ate a bowl of cereal. Liv was drooping, and Brittany noticed they were in rather baggy clothes. That was normal for her, but Liv more often wore jeans and t-shirts that were fairly well fitting.
"Any reason for the outfit change?" she carefully asked.
"Just feeling different." Liv said a bit defensively.
"Okay. Well grab your things. We need to go." Brittany said, grabbing her own backpack, checking to make sure all her homework was there.
"You have lunch money?" she asked as she started the car.
"Can you spare a five in case mom didn't load the account?" the younger Pierce asked. Brittany pulled out a wrinkled five and passed it back to them. The ride to school was quiet, Brittany opting to pickup Santana after dropping Liv off, even though it made more sense the other way around.
"Have a good day Liv." Brittany said, and her sibling waved, slowly making their way to the doors. She pulled out and made quick work picking up Santana and pulling into McKinley.
"You okay?" Santana asked as she put Asher's vest on.
"I'm worried about Liv. They're not saying everything. I think something happened last night… I don't want to think it but…" Brittany shook her head.
"But our past has a way of haunting us." Santana filled in "I know hun, and I hope whatever to God or whatever gods there are that doesn't happen." Brittany nodded solemnly. She grabbed her guitar from the trunk and they made their way into the halls, stopping at the choir room to store the guitar for the day. That afternoon, aided by the band, Brittany performed the song for the first time.
"I'm just getting used to the song so uh, bear with me. I'm hoping to play it Friday for Liv." She explained nervously. Santana gave her a confident smile and Brittany nodded to the band.
And I will try to hold you up through those times when you are gone
Despite the weather, it gets better
You won't do this alone
She played through the song, and she didn't look up until she was done. The club was clapping, and Mr.Schue was saying something about how this is what he was looking for. She made her way to her chair and Santana whispered "You were brilliant love. Don't wait to play this for Liv. They need to hear it now." Brittnay nodded, but she knew she didn't want to be alone when she finished.
"San, I want to play to Liv alone, but I need your waiting in the other room. Just in case." Brittany said. Santana just nodded in agreement- anything for Brittany.
They both picked up Liv, and Santana eyed the clothes the same way Brittany had.
"I see you, ya know. Why do both of you get to dress this way and I don't?" Liv grumbled.
"It's why we wear it that concerns us." Santana explains. Liv just rolls their eyes. They try to head straight to their room but Brittany is hot on their heels.
"Just let me play you something." she asks, stopping the door from closing with her foot.
"Fine." Liv agrees. Brittany smiles gratefully.
And I know that you're holding out for better weather
And I can't promise you that I'll be round forever
If there's one thing I know it's that we're good together
Brittany sings like it's the only way she can breathe. When she finishes she looks to Liv to find tears in her siblings eyes.
"Liv what's wrong?" Brittany asks carefully.
"Britty I'm sorry." Liv climbs into her big sisters arms. They roll their sleeves up and Brittany holds back a gasp as she rolls them back down.
"I never wanted this for you. You know we have to tell Mom and Dad right?" Brittany says and Liv nods.
"Okay. Did the um, did the song make you feel any better? "Brittany asks and Liv nods.
"It's not a lot, but somehow it solidified the fact that you really always are here for me. Can you…can you help me tell mom and dad?" Liv asks.
"You know I can't. It's something you need to say yourself. Only you can say why. Only you can take responsibility. And I…I need to compose myself. Before I've got to have the same conversation again." Brittany looks down ashamed.
"I understand. I can do this." Liv goes to find the Pierces and Brittany goes straight to Santana. If music doesn't heal, there's one more thing that does- love.