This Black Blood is Without End
Chapter 15 – Lost Souls
As night settled over the Skaibona camp after their first full day in Trigeda territory, the hushed whispers of leaves rustling in the breeze and the rhythmic buzzing of insects were the only sounds to be heard. Other than those assigned to camp watch, almost all of the warriors were already asleep in their bedrolls, fires banked low so that only the muted glow of coals could be seen. One small fire still burned brightly, however, and its light intensified as the young woman seated beside it added a small branch to the flames. She looked up when Octavia approached and the light of the fire glinted off the soft curls of her golden hair, illuminating her face.
"Can't sleep?" Octavia asked, taking a seat beside Clarke on one end of her bedroll.
The other woman was curled into a seated position under the thick blanket, her elbows resting on her covered knees. It took her several moments to answer, and Octavia cocked her head sideways to look at her profile, eyes narrowing at the faraway expression she saw there on her face.
"It still feels strange," Clarke finally said, glancing back over at her briefly, a small, uncomfortable smile making an appearance on her face.
"What does?"
"This… Everything," she replied, shrugging, "It's not as bad during the day, but at night… When I wake up and it's dark, I forget what's happened, and for a few moments I'm right back there again…"
"Back there?"
"The prison," Clarke said, grimacing slightly, and Octavia's eyebrows rose at the admission.
"I know… It's stupid," she said, seeing the younger woman's surprise, "but it's like some part of me still thinks this is all just a dream, and when I wake I'll be locked up in the dark again."
Clarke shrugged again and looked back to the fire, her brows knitting together as she studied the flames contemplatively. Octavia hadn't thought much about what Clarke might have endured as a prisoner to the Ice Queen, nor had she considered what her sudden release and forced participation in this mission might have been like for her, and now she felt a bit ashamed at her self-centeredness. She'd been so glad, so incredibly happy and excited to leave the Ice Nation and go along on this expedition, and her small power struggles with Bellamy and plans for future freedom and occupied most of her mind during the journey since.
"It's not stupid, Clarke," she said firmly, shaking her head, "You were in prison for a long time… I think it would be weird if freedom didn't feel strange to you at first."
"You're right, of course," Clarke agreed, clearly eager for a change of subject. She was never one to want to discuss her own vulnerabilities, and that was certainly something Octavia could relate to. The young woman had been locked away in prison for almost six months, and that was sure to have a lasting effect on anyone. She doubted Clarke would admit that, however, not even to herself.
In different ways, we were both prisoners of the Ice Queen, and now we are both free, Octavia mused, the thought reminding her of why she had come over to Clarke's fire in the first place.
"Well, in the meantime," she said a bit more cheerfully, reaching down into her pack and drawing forth the small bottle she had brought to give to her, "maybe this will help you sleep."
"What is this?" Clarke asked, smiling as she took the flask. Opening it and passing it under her nose so that she could take and experimental sniff, her smile grew into a huge grin.
"Ice whiskey?!" she exclaimed, chuckling, "Octavia… I haven't had a drop of alcohol in six months. If I drink this, I won't just sleep, I'll probably pass out!"
"So don't drink all of it, you idiot!"
"Where did you even get this out here? Don't tell me Bellamy didn't notice you packing this…"
"It was a gift from a friend," Octavia explained cagily, and Clarke laughed softly again, her blue eyes twinkling with amusement. It was a welcome change from the sadness that had been in them only moments before.
"Really? Let me guess… Was it that young Varik that Bellamy caught you kissing three days ago, or was it Noah, the one who helped you set up your tent today?"
"Varik?" she groaned, waving her hand dismissively, not at all embarrassed by Clarke's teasing. The moment they had left the capitol, she had decided that she had had enough of living like a stowaway, afraid every moment to bring too much attention to herself. She was young, dammit, and beautiful, and she was going to start living her life for a change. This past week had been the first time in her life she'd been free to act like a young person should… To flirt with men and boys who were near her own age. If it weren't for Bellamy's constant interference, she would have probably done more than just steal a few kisses here and there.
"He ran away the second my brother warned him to leave me alone… No, it was Noah. He's very helpful, isn't he?"
"I'd say," Clarke agreed, still smiling slightly as she took a slow drink from the flask. She lowered it and swallowed with a blissful expression on her face, and though Octavia had half expected her to cough after downing the harsh spirits, she wasn't surprised when the other girl didn't so much as flinch.
"Well? How does your first drink as a free woman taste?"
"Good stuff," she praised, licking her lips before taking another quick drink, then closing the cap and handing the bottle back over to her.
"No, you keep it," Octavia said, refusing to take it. Clarke raised an eyebrow.
"Really? Are you sure? It was a gift from an admirer… Won't he be upset if you just give it away?"
Octavia shrugged, not really caring one way or the other.
"Maybe… Don't care, though," she said carelessly, and it was true. She didn't care much what Noah or anyone else in this camp thought, other than Bellamy and Clarke.
"You keep it. Like I said, maybe it will help you sleep… And, if anyone here deserves a stiff drink, I think it's probably you."
Clarke regarded her for a moment, a curious expression on her face, then nodded and withdrew her hand, setting the flask down beside her on the blanket.
"Well, if you're sure, then… Thank you."
Octavia nodded, and they both went back to staring at the fire. She knew it was time for her to leave, that the longer she dragged this out tonight, the harder it would be, but something about the flames and the quiet of the night pulled her close. Was she really doing this?
Yes.
"Well, we should both probably get some sleep… See you in the morning," she said finally, moving to rise to her feet.
"Octavia, wait," Clarke said, putting a hand on her leg to keep her from leaving. She looked down at the slightly older girl, working to keep her expression relaxed and calm, not wanting her to sense her anxiety or her intentions. She must not have been entirely successful, however, as she saw that the blonde girl's face was set into a penetrating expression, her clever blue eyes looking up at her with concern.
"Yes?"
"It's just… I've been thinking about what you said earlier today, about not taking the scars?"
She felt herself go still at her words, emotions rising within her again at the reminder of their earlier conversation that day.
"I know things were difficult for you… The old Ice King, he was a cruel, petty man, and Queen Nia is no better. I understand why you feel the way you do about Azgeda…"
"Oh, you understand, do you?" Octavia couldn't help herself from interrupting, a hint of sarcasm in her tone. Clarke didn't let it stop her from continuing however, her face earnest and stubbornly set as she continued to speak.
"I think I do, actually… I'm a dangerous traitor, remember? I'm not exactly the most welcomed person in Azgeda right now."
Octavia had to concede that she had a point there, but it didn't make her any more eager to hear Clarke's next words.
"So, believe me when I tell you, you do have a place where you belong, where both of us belong. You're one of the sacred Sky Born, Octavia… Whether you carry the scars or not, we are your people. Everyone here, all the Skaibona back in Azgeda, we've always been your people, and we always will be… I just… I wanted you to know that."
Clarke's hand squeezed briefly, then she released her, a sincere smile on her lips. Octavia swallowed around a suddenly dry throat, and again she wondered if Clarke had somehow sensed what she had planned, and if this wasn't an oblique attempt to convince her not to do it. She turned away slowly and faced the welcoming dark of the forest beyond, and her own voice sounded hollow and distant in her ears as she spoke, as though she was already far, far away.
"Thanks, Clarke," she said, not looking at her as she stepped into the darkness, leaving the girl and the circle of light behind.
"But you're wrong… I don't belong anywhere."
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"Where is she, Anya?"
The woman looked up at him, her eyes cool and maddeningly composed, her hair and tasteful makeup still perfect despite the long hours she had already spent locked in this very cell.
"Where is who?" she asked, her expression giving nothing away.
Marcus ground his teeth and clenched his jaw at her obvious deflection. After the events of the past few hours, his nerves were raw and his emotions fraught beneath the surface, and he found it a struggle now to rein in his temper. The warrant for the search of Polaris station was about to expire, and so far his officers had found nothing. He himself had not participated in much of the search, as dealing with the results of the Council meeting had required his immediate attention, and the search itself had been abandoned entirely when other emergency priorities took precedence. They may not have found anything damning, but one thing had become clear, however, and he cursed himself for not noticing it much sooner.
"Don't be coy," he growled, "Where is that young woman you call your assistant… Where is Lexa Black?"
This time his words did get a response, a quick flash of something that might have been surprise passing over her face before she quickly schooled it back into place. Her surprise at the name he gave made him pause… It was almost as if she had been expecting him to ask about someone else, but who? He filed the suspicion away for later consideration.
"Lexa?" Anya mused, shrugging slightly, the intensity of her gaze on his the only thing giving away just how focused she truly was. "I wouldn't know… She hasn't been my assistant for almost a week now."
"Really?" he snorted, letting her hear the disbelief in his voice.
"Yes," she insisted, "It was most unfortunate… I do love the girl, you understand. I've known her since she was a child, and she's done great work for me these past few years, but lately… She just wasn't keeping up. I think perhaps the stress was too much for her to handle. She was becoming a liability, you see. I had to let her go, for her own good as well as mine."
"The stress was too much to handle?" he echoed, shaking his head angrily. "You forget, Anya, I've met Ms. Black many times… Save your bullshit for someone who will believe it."
At times revealing herself to be just as intimidating and relentlessly focused as Anya was, Lexa Black was perhaps the most frighteningly competent young woman Marcus had ever met. When she first began to appear at the Councilwoman's side, she'd been remarkable for her youth and focused perceptiveness, but she'd quickly started to stand out to him in other ways as well. She was more than just Anya's shadow and political protégée. Well-spoken, intelligent, and fiercely loyal to Polaris station, he had noted her as someone to be watched very carefully in coming years. There had also been other rumors about her… Rumors that she did Anya's dirty work, but Marcus had always mostly chalked that up to people with too much idle time on their hands and a love for scandalous tales. If either Anya or Lexa had done anything blatantly illegal in the past, he felt certain he would have long since caught wind of it, and he would have immediately pursued an investigation.
Anya's eyes had narrowed at his tone and language and he made himself take a calming breath, knowing as he did so that he was letting the difficult and painful events of the last few hours get to him. He probably shouldn't even be here right now, he reflected, aware that he wasn't in the proper frame of mind to be questioning someone as astute and dangerous as Anya Petrova.
"I'm sure I don't know what you mean," she said.
"Lexa Black is wanted for questioning, so you will tell me where I can find her, or I will make the second half of your stay with us as uncomfortable as possible for you… I don't care if you did fire her. Don't pretend that you still wouldn't have kept tabs on her, and don't know exactly where she is or might be."
"Believe me, Kane, I have better, more important things to do with my time than keep tabs on a woman I just fired… If I knew where she was, exactly, I would tell you. But I don't," she protested, her tone mocking.
He glared at her, and she glared right back for several moments, then her brows drew down and her eyes shifted as though she was truly seeing him for the first time since he entered her cell.
"What's got you all worked up, Marcus? It can't just be my missing assistant… I can understand your frustration that you haven't been able to question her yet, but surely she will show up eventually," she said contemplatively, and he stiffened involuntarily at her words.
"What's going on?" she asked again, her voice rising with concern as she leaned forward slightly in her chair. "Has the Council voted? Is that what this is about?"
He shifted his gaze away from her, annoyed with himself when he realized that this was exactly what this was about. Despite being prepared… Despite doing everything in his power to see that what was needed to be done to save the Ark was done, it had still affected him on a far greater level than he had expected. His mind kept replaying over and over the events of the last few hours, and he abruptly wanted out of this room and away from Anya and her knowing, judgmental gaze.
Had he truly come here to ask about Lexa Black, or had he come because some part of him felt like he deserved to be judged? He suspected it was the latter.
"The Council met on schedule," he informed her, still not looking at her.
"And the motion for population reductions?" she prompted.
"Passed. Five in favor, three against."
Anya grimaced at this, the edges of her mouth turning down, but otherwise didn't physically react. She had to have been expecting as much.
"Only three against? Damn, I was hoping for a tie at least."
They both knew Jaha wasn't ready to go forward with population reductions just yet, despite the rumors and unrest that were already circulating around the Ark as more and more people fell ill. He still believed the ground would be proven safe, and in the case of a split Council decision, the Chancellor was given the tie breaking vote. It didn't happen often, however, as a fully seated Council was normally nine members.
"Well, it looks like this whole investigation of yours has been a total waste of time after all… My vote wouldn't have made a difference."
"Maybe. Maybe not," he conceded, finally looking back at her. "We both know how persuasive you can be. You might have convinced one or two others to join you."
"And the culling? When will it happen?" she asked, sounding incredibly tired as she did so.
He shook his head and she frowned, still watching him carefully.
"No, you don't understand," he said, the weight of the dreadful truth hanging heavy in the room, and he saw her stiffen as he spoke his final words before turning to leave.
"It's already done."
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Exhaustion hung over Lexa like a heavy blanket, slowing her steps and doing its best to dull her mind. Nevertheless, she forced herself to climb the gentle incline of the dropship's ramp and enter the near darkness inside, eyes falling immediately upon the figures of Raven, Finn, Monty, and Jasper as they huddled at the communications station near the ship's center, the warm glow of an electric lamp casting their shadows against the walls. Around the periphery of the room, the forms of a half dozen young Sky People could be seen lying down on makeshift beds, or swinging in poorly constructed hammocks made from the fabric and straps of what had once been dropship seats. Most of them were those who had been wounded in the earlier battle, and Lexa let her eyes pass over them carefully, making sure to look at each and every single one of them, studying their faces as best she could in the dark.
Lexa was no stranger to death and suffering. The burden of leadership was such that sometimes even when all the right decisions were made and everything went perfectly according to plan, people still inevitably bled and died. It would have been easy for her to stop caring long ago… To distance herself from the pain her people felt, allowing herself not to care so that it wouldn't hurt as much. However, Leksa kom Trikru had been taught from an early age that to do so was the worst kind of betrayal, worse even than making the hard decisions which caused such suffering in the first place. Anya had always said that a true leader took responsibility for the sacrifices that were made, and that to do otherwise was to dishonor that sacrifice. In all the years since she had been her second, Lexa had never forgotten that lesson, and so she did not avert her eyes now from the wounds of the Sky People around her.
One person in particular caught her attention, and Lexa crossed over to Atom where he lay on the floor, folding her legs beneath her and lowering herself to sit next to him. His handsome face was wan and pale, and his dark, thick hair slicked back and unruly from sweat. His left upper thigh was a mass of poorly fashioned bandages, a new one hastily knotted and tied around his leg over the others each time the blood seeped through. He was awake, and his feverish eyes rolled over to her when she sat.
"How are you feeling, Atom?" she asked, keeping her voice low and calm.
He wet his lips, one corner of his mouth turning upwards in a painful smile.
"Like hell," he said, and her own lips twitched into a small, tired smile in response.
"Try to get some rest tonight," she advised, wanting to comfort him but feeling inadequate to the task. "It won't be long now before the rest of the Ark comes down, and they will have much better medical supplies than we have here. You'll be back up on both feet soon enough."
"That's a nice thought, but I'm sure they won't want to use their precious medical supplies on the likes of us," he said weakly, frowning and looking away from her, his eyes now fixed on the wall beside him.
The likes of us…
His words made her recall something Murphy had said earlier. When she had accused him of being the only one in camp who would possibly try to have her killed, he had laughed and reminded her that everyone in the camp, every one of the hundred, were convicted criminals. Despite their youth, some of them had done terrible things to be imprisoned. Lexa hadn't spent much time wondering about the reasons for each of their sentences, but she did so now. Did those still on the Ark view these youngsters down here on the surface as expendable? The thought made her grit her teeth. These were Clarke's people… Clarke's friends. Would the rest of the Sky People really refuse to help heal their own wounded? Atom seemed certain that they wouldn't be eager to help him.
"If they won't help you willingly, then I will just have to make them," she said, iron determination in her voice.
Atom looked back up at her and there was a feverish intensity in his eyes. His sweating was increasing, and she now suspected that he did indeed have a fever. His wound was serious and he was still losing blood, and no one in this camp was a true healer. She felt her concern for him growing.
"Maybe we don't deserve it… Maybe I don't deserve it," he said, his voice soft and shaky and very different from the few other times she had heard him speak. She sensed that he wasn't really completely there with her, but that he was living partly in his own mind in this moment, the loss of blood and his fever at work within him.
"I told them it was an accident," he continued after a pause, whispering to her now as though making a confession, his eyes seeming to focus through her rather than on her.
"It wasn't an accident… I knew exactly what would happen. I was just so angry! I saw the machinery, and he was right there. I don't know why I did it… I pushed him. I pushed him right into it. There was so much blood, I couldn't believe how much blood there was."
He was shaking slightly, though whether it was from his growing fever or the terrible memory he was reliving, she didn't know. Lexa didn't say anything, just let him continue to speak. Whatever it was he had done to be put in prison, it was clearly haunting him now.
"He lost his hand, part of his arm. The machine ripped it right off. I told them all it was an accident, but the foreman, he knew what I had done. They told me I would probably be pardoned when I turned eighteen… I don't deserve to be pardoned. I wanted him dead… I deserve to die down here."
His voice trailed off, and his head shifted away from her again, his whole body slumping as though suddenly exhausted.
She thought over what he had just said. Atom made sense to her now. In the short time she had known him, he had struck her as a careful, thoughtful young man. He thought about things just a few seconds longer than everyone else before acting. That was one of the reasons why she had wanted him along when they searched for Trikru. If what he told her was true, then this was likely a very conscious decision on his part. His temper had led him to almost kill a man in the past, and he regretted it so much that he now kept it tightly under control at all times.
"The things we have done… they are but pieces of who we are. They are not the whole," she told him, placing a hand gently on his shoulder. Atom looked back up at her, his eyes wide on hers, a hint of desperation in them.
"You are more than that one act. You saved lives today, fighting as you did. There are people here who live now because you put yourself in danger for them. You do not deserve death, Atom. Death doesn't care if we or anyone else think it is deserved. Plenty of people who have done terrible things live to an old age, while innocent children die moments after they are born. Do you think they worried themselves over whether or not they deserved to die?"
Lexa paused, her thought turning to her own death not a week before. Had her death been deserved? She had never thought of it in those terms. Her people were accustom to death, and in general had become much more practical about it than the Sky People seemed to be. As the Commander, she had long ago accepted that she would die young, and probably violently. In that way, her death at Titus' hands had not been wholly unexpected.
The Sky People were different, however. She remembered her many conversations with Clarke before the attack on the Mountain. Clarke had often blamed herself for the deaths of others, even when she had done everything possible to prevent it. Skaikru had ideas about the fairness, the rightness of who died and who didn't. However, anyone who grew up and lived in this harsh world learned at a young age that none of that mattered. Death came when it came. All one could do was fight to survive and protect those you cared about as best you could. Trying to find a higher purpose or meaning behind who lived and who died in the end was a waste of energy.
"Sleep now, Atom," she said finally, squeezing his shoulder once more before standing. He nodded tiredly and closed his eyes, a bit calmer after his confession of his crime and her response to it.
Lexa crossed the room to the others, joining them at the communications post, and she felt Finn's eyes on her as she did. When she met his gaze, he gave her a sad smile and nodded to her. She frowned slightly and nodded back, a bit surprised by the lack of anger she sensed in him. She hadn't spoken to him since their return, and she'd expected him to complain about her rough treatment of him earlier. That he instead seemed to have accepted it was a welcome relief. It was far too late in the night and she didn't have the energy right now to deal with Finn being difficult.
"Any success?" she asked.
"No, nothing yet," Raven replied, the young woman not even glancing up from the slight adjustments she was making with her hands to a series of small dials.
"I don't understand… You said the radio was fixed an hour ago! Why can't the Ark hear us?" Jasper grumbled impatiently, and his words earned him a pair of frustrated glares, one from Raven and the other from his friend Monty.
"We're not placing a phone call on the Ark's comm system here, Jasper," Monty said with some annoyance, answering so that Raven wouldn't have to. "We're trying to talk to a space station in orbit around the planet… It's not as straightforward as just fixing a radio."
"I don't understand," Jasper admitted, and Lexa had to agree with him, though she did so silently.
"The Ark has to be somewhere where our signal can reach it," Raven explained, glancing up at them all. Her eyes settled on Lexa for a brief moment before sliding away to look at Jasper.
"I'm bouncing our signal off of any remaining satellites that come within range, but there just aren't many of them left, and it's hit and miss. The Ark has to be in just the right place at the right time. Once they know we're trying to talk to them, there's a bunch of things they can do on their end to help give us more coverage, but right now we're just shouting in the dark, hoping they'll eventually hear us."
Lexa sighed tiredly. She needed sleep if she was going to be of any use the next day. She was physically drained from the battle, the rescue mission, and from the persistent lack of good food and sleep for far too many days. Her presence here would not help them contact the Ark faster.
"Wake me if anything changes," she ordered softly, a bit of her exhaustion creeping into her voice as she turned to leave.
"We will," Finn reassured her quickly, his words earning him a brief sidelong glance from Raven before she turned back to her adjustments.
As Lexa walked away, she heard Raven making the same repetitive calls she had been making at various intervals for the past hour. This time, however, when she stopped broadcasting, the radio gave a sharp crackle and hiss, then an aggravated voice loudly answered.
"Who is this? You are on an emergency Ark-wide channel… Cease broadcasting on this channel immediately!..."
Lexa turned, and five sets of equally stunned, excited faces all stared at each other in the silence that followed.
Raven lifted the handset to her lips, a huge smile growing on her face, her eyes glowing with pride at her success.
"Yes! Ark Station, this is Raven Reyes… I'm calling from the ground. The hundred are alive. I repeat, the ground is survivable, and the hundred are alive!"
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The first hints of daylight had hardly begun to warm the horizon when Clarke felt herself being rudely shook awake, and she blinked up at the dark figure that hovered over her, her eyes blinking in bleary confusion.
"Clarke… Clarke! Wake up," he repeated, his voice a low, urgent growl.
"Bellamy, what?... What's going on?" she asked, sitting up in her bedroll and wincing when the chill morning air hit her fully.
"It's Octavia, she's missing!"
"What?!" Clarke said, abruptly coming fully awake, "What do you mean, missing?"
In terse words, he described to her what had happened, his face pale and worried in the low light. He'd woken several hours before sunrise and joined the sentries in their duties, as it was well known that Trikru preferred to attack just before dawn when guards were at their most tired and the rest of the camp still asleep. It was unlikely that Trikru had noticed their presence yet, but Bellamy had still wanted to be awake and ready just in case. When the hour of greatest danger had passed, he had returned and ducked his head in Octavia's small tent to check on her, only to find her missing from her bedroll. A quick but thorough search of the camp had turned up nothing, and none of the sentries remembered seeing her since earlier that night. Panic was growing in his face and voice as he spoke, and Clarke struggled not to let herself be immediately swept up in his fearing the worst.
"Has anyone searched beyond the camp yet?" Clarke asked, not wanting to go immediately to the worst scenarios, but her mind already moving well ahead of her on that front. She was reminded of the conversation she and Octavia had shared that night, and of all the other conversations the two of them had had over the past few days. This disappearance now made her wonder if her suspicions hadn't in fact been correct.
"No, not yet… We had dozens of sentries posted all night, though. I don't know how it's possible that she got past them unseen, but all of them swear they didn't see her… Clarke, what if something happened to her? You know how she is. She wants to explore, and she wouldn't hesitate to sneak past the guards if she wanted to. What if she got out beyond the camp and was taken by Trikru scouts? Or, even worse, what if she was taken by Reapers? There's been rumors coming out of Trigeda lands for several years now that the Reapers have been growing bolder, more aggressive… What if that isn't just stories meant to frighten us and keep us away from their lands? She could already be a captive of Reapers right now!"
Bellamy's eyes were troubled on hers as he spoke, all his worries tumbling out of him in a hurried rush. Clarke looked back at him, her mind working swiftly over all the facts and coming to its most logical conclusion.
"Bellamy… I think she might have left on her own," she said finally, deciding to be blunt with her suspicions. This wasn't the time to try to soften the blow and guard his feelings. Octavia might have chosen to leave of her own free will, but that didn't mean that Bellamy's other fears were completely unfounded. This was dangerous territory for a lone Azgeda girl to be wandering in, especially with the Mountain so close.
"I don't think your sister had any intention of ever returning to Azgeda, and she had to know that last night was her best chance to leave undetected. She may be rash, but she's also smart… Trikru doesn't know we are here yet, but they certainly will soon, and this is hostile territory. If we chase after her, it could put our entire mission at risk, and she knows that."
Something within him seemed to crumple at her words, a look of deep sadness coming over his features. She'd spoken softly and chosen her words carefully, but there was really no easy way to tell a man that his sister had run away from him, abandoning her only family.
"I know," he said finally, sighing once, "and I think you're right. She came to me last night… She wanted to talk before going to sleep, she said. She hugged me, Clarke… Said she would always love me. I don't know, I thought it was a bit strange, but I never thought…"
Bellamy's voice trailed off and he swallowed and blinked rapidly several times. Clarke wanted to offer him some comforting words, but she couldn't think of any that would be nearly adequate for the situation.
I should have known what she was going to do… I should have figured it out last night when she gave me that damn bottle as a parting gift.
Clarke felt like an idiot. She'd often prided herself on being clever, and here she had missed something that now seemed so obvious it was painful. Octavia had likely been planning to do this from the very beginning of their journey. She loved her brother, but she was also desperate to be free, to live her own life, and she had to know that she would never be able to convince him to walk away from the Ice Nation. No, Bellamy would never leave Azgeda, not even for his beloved sister, and she knew that.
"What do you want to do?" she asked, though she already knew what his answer would be.
"I'm going after her," he answered immediately, his gaze already searching the trees and hills beyond.
She knew it was pointless, but she felt she still had to try to make the argument.
"Bellamy, I know she's your sister, and I'm worried about her too, but she chose to leave, and we still have an important mission here… Trikru could arrive in force at any time. If you're not here when they do…"
"I don't care," he snarled, clearly not interested in hearing her arguments. He started to walk away, and Clarke hastily gained her feet and started following him, not yet ready to let him destroy all their carefully laid plans without argument.
"If they find you in their territory alone, they will kill you!"
"If they find my sister, they will kill her! I'm not leaving her, Clarke!"
He was still moving through the camp and she kept following him, seeing the determined set of his shoulders and knowing that there would be no convincing him not to go through with his plan. When Bellamy reached the center of the camp, he began shouting to wake everyone who was still asleep, and very soon all of the warriors there were awake and on their feet, gathering around the young prince with alert expressions, their weapons ready in their hands.
"My sister has gone missing," he announced, raising his voice so all could hear. Clarke stood behind his left shoulder, her lips drawn into a hard line as she let her mind think over all the possible plans and their outcomes. Bellamy was incredibly stubborn, and his devotion to his sister was absolute. In all likelihood, Octavia was in very great danger, and he wouldn't rest until he knew she was safe. That doing so put their mission here and the safety of the entire camp in direct risk mattered very little to him, she knew. If they had any hope of making peace with Trikru, they would need to find her quickly and return undetected.
She listened as he asked for volunteers among the warriors to aid in the search, and she scanned the crowd to see the reactions of the assembled men and women. Many of them look deeply troubled by Octavia's disappearance, but there were also quite a few looks of indifference. The girl's antics over the past few days had not earned her a great deal of respect from many of the more seasoned warriors, and their mission here was very clear. This delegation was here to negotiate a treaty with Trikru. They were brave warriors one and all, but risking their lives in dangerous enemy territory, and with the threat of attack by Reapers added to it, was not something any of them were eager to do.
"What of our mission, ai Hainofa?" a critical voice called, and Clarke saw the crowd part to reveal Echo. "If the enemy finds you in their lands, or if they approach our camp and you are not here to meet with them, how will we possibly make peace then? We all know your foolish sister ran off on her own… I say we leave her to her fate."
There were some grumbled agreements from others at her words, and Bellamy scowled at her angrily.
"We will be back before Trikru even knows we are here," he asserted confidently, and Clarke hoped that would be proven true.
"I won't force any of you to help me," he continued, ignoring Echo. "I know that this is not what you came for, but Octavia is one of us… If none of you are brave enough to come with me, then I will find her by myself."
His words were meant to shame some of them into helping, and they certainly had an effect. A few of the warriors murmured amongst themselves and looked to be considering what he said, but still no one came forward.
"I will go with you," Clarke finally said, suprising even herself. Octavia was a friend to her now, and as she had told her that very night, she was one of them. If she abandoned her now, then what had all her words to her really meant? Bellamy looked at her with relief and appreciation, and she nodded to him with a small smile.
"Of course the traitor doesn't care if our mission fails," Echo said at her words, her tone scathing.
"Clarke may not be a warrior, but she is clearly braver than you," Bellamy quickly said, glaring at the difficult woman. "Doesn't it shame you that a healer is willing to risk her life to save one of our own, but you are not? Some warrior you are."
A few uncomfortable laughs followed his insult, and Echo glanced around sharply, her face reddening.
"We will come with you as well, ai Hainofa," a quiet voice said, and everyone turned to see who had spoken.
With some surprise, Clarke saw that it was Martek, his twin sister Riva standing by his side. The two siblings shared a pair of dark brown eyes and tawny, golden brown hair that hung thick and wild with small braids interwoven in it. They were young, near Bellamy's age, and both very quiet. In fact, Clarke couldn't remember ever having heard Riva speak. Instead, Martek seemed to do all their talking for them. They also seemed to keep mostly to themselves, which made their willingness to help find Octavia now somewhat unexpected.
"My sister is the best tracker here… She will find Octavia," Martek asserted.
The twins moved to join Bellamy and Clarke, and the prince grasped both of their arms in thanks.
"Anyone else?" he asked loudly, but no one else stepped forward.
"Fine," he said, turning to face Clarke and the twins, "We leave in five minutes. Grab what you need quickly… We need to hurry."
The two warriors nodded and briskly headed off to gather their supplies and weapons, but Clarke stayed, stepping close to Bellamy and speaking in a low voice.
"What of the camp? If Trikru finds them here while we are gone…"
"I'll leave Echo in charge… I have to. You know she would just take charge anyways. If Trikru does show up before we get back, she can negotiate with them on the Queen's behalf. She's the only one besides me who knows what terms the Queen has set."
Clarke didn't argue, but she was deeply troubled nevertheless. Things were quickly spinning out of control, and there was a great deal that could go wrong. She prayed Echo would set aside her own petty feelings and do what needed to be done to secure peace.
"Alright, I'll grab my healing supplies and join you," she said, and Bellamy smiled at her thankfully, his dark eyes still worried, though some of the earlier panic was receding now that they had a plan and were taking action to find his sister.
"Thank you, Clarke… I know you think I should let her go, that this is a mistake…"
"No," she interrupted, shaking her head. "You're right. Octavia is one of us… She may have left on her own, but that doesn't mean we should abandon her. We'll find her, Bellamy… It will be okay."
"We have to. If anything happens to her, Clarke…"
He swallowed and shook his head, and she reached out and placed a comforting hand on his arm, squeezing it lightly. It was hard to remember her own anger towards Bellamy when he was obviously so hurt and worried about his sister.
"We'll find her," she repeated.
Several minutes later, she and Bellamy joined the twins at the smoldering remains of their fire. The two warriors stood facing each other, their expressions serious as they carefully applied white war paint to each other's faces. Clarke wanted to object to their martial preparations, and she opened her mouth to say something, but then she stopped herself. They were about to embark on a dangerous mission in enemy territory, and each step further into the forest would bring them closer to the threat of the Mountain. An Azgeda's white war paint was not only meant to be fearsome to their enemies, but was also protection from the specter of Death. It hid their faces and made it more difficult for Death to find them. Asking the two brave warriors to go into that forest and face the unknown without that protection would be unwise.
Once they were finished, the twins turned to face them, Martek pulling a small pack of supplies over his shoulders. They were all lightly equipped, as they needed to travel quickly and didn't want to be weighted down.
"We'll need to get out and away from all of the fresh tracks near camp, then spread out and search for the trail… Riva is the best tracker in the Ice Nation. She'll find her," he said, his sister still standing silent and serious beside him. Clarke was beginning to wonder if the young woman ever spoke at all.
The four Skaibona left the camp together moments later in a single file with Riva at the front, their figures quickly swallowed up by the surrounding forest, the sun just barely beginning to rise through the treetops. Behind them, the Azgeda encampment continued their preparations.
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It was midmorning before Lexa finally emerged from her tent. She wore her black, protective Skaikru jacket and her pack and sword over her shoulders, just as she always did. The previous day's exertions and the late night had taken their toll, and she'd needed the extra sleep before tackling today's task. After what Raven had learned in her discussions with the Ark, she would need every bit of her energy for today's mission.
When she joined the others, she saw that the chosen party was already beginning to assemble and get ready, a certain air of nervous excitement on their faces. Of course, everyone in camp had heard that they had made contact with the Ark in the early morning hours of the night, and a palpable sense of relief now permeated the camp. There was a sense among them that maybe now help was soon to arrive, and despite the continued risk of attack, everyone was much more optimistic and hopeful than they had been the day before.
After giving a few directions, Lexa left them to their preparations and entered the dropship, hoping to find Wells there. Instead, she found a very tired looking Raven and Finn, both of them still huddled next to the radio. They had lost the signal with the Ark after only a couple hours, and clearly Raven had not rested long before waking and trying to regain a good communications connection with the Ark once more.
"Where's Wells?" Lexa asked, and Finn looked up at the sound of her voice.
"He's outside," he said, and she frowned at him in confusion.
"Outside?"
Finn nodded, his expression solemn.
"Yes, outside the camp."
Lexa opened her mouth to ask him why, but his eyes flickered past her and she followed his gaze, a sudden, terrible understanding hitting her when she saw the place that was now empty. She didn't say anything more, but instead turned and left, heading towards the wooden gate, seeing as she approached that it was cracked open with several apprehensive young Sky People standing ready to close it if any trouble should appear. She slipped through them without a word and followed the outside edge of the wall, travelling several dozen feet around the camp. She found Wells there, exactly where she had expected to find him, a short, makeshift shovel still held in his hands as he stared down at the graves at his feet. Five piles of freshly turned earth stood in a rough line, a newer, sixth pile now added at the end, its wet soil darker than the rest.
"Atom died this morning," Wells said, his voice flat and emotionless.
She didn't say anything, suddenly having to swallow around the emotions in her own throat. Lexa remembered the feverish intensity in Atom's eyes as he had confessed his crimes to her that night, and she wondered if a part of him hadn't somehow sensed that he would soon die. Had speaking his fear and shame out loud to her given the brave young man some measure of peace before death? She hoped that it had.
"We did everything we could for him," she said finally, and Wells turned to look at her, his dark features revealing much more sadness than his earlier words had. He had dug each one of these graves with his own hands, refusing anyone's help. It didn't make much sense to her – her own people burned their dead – but Wells and the other Sky People seemed to draw some comfort from the idea of returning their bodies to the ground. Compared to being expelled into the cold emptiness of space, burial within the earth must seem vastly preferable.
"I know," he agreed after a moment, looking back down at the graves. "Are you leaving soon?" he asked.
"Yes."
"How long do you think it will take to find it?"
"There's no way to know… Perhaps several hours. If the Ark is right, then the supply depot must not be far, but if it did survive untouched, then it's been hidden successfully for many years. It may take some time to uncover it. Then, we still have to bring everything we find back. It's possible we won't return until tomorrow."
He nodded at this, and she stepped forward to stand at his side, concerned by the sadness and despair she could sense in him. Atom's death, and the deaths of all the others, saddened her greatly, but she had long since learned that she couldn't afford to dwell in her sadness, not if she wanted to keep others from dying as well. Wells was young, and in many ways he reminded her a great deal of Clarke. She was suddenly very glad that Clarke had had such a friend as Wells… The young man would have been more than worthy of her friendship.
"Just… be careful, Black," he said, looking sideways at her. "I know we need those supplies, but I really don't want to dig anymore graves today. Or ever again, for that matter."
"We'll be fine. I'm bringing our best fighters and we'll be ready if they do attack. It's the camp I'm more worried about… You need to be cautious, Wells. Lincoln warned us that Reapers are capable of some strategy. If they notice the camp has fewer defenders, they will likely attack and try to overwhelm you."
They spoke together softly for several more minutes as they stood looking down at the graves, each sharing their plans and contingencies so that the other might be prepared in the case of the unexpected. Once Lexa was assured that Wells had everything well in hand, they walked together slowly back to the gate. When they entered, they were met immediately by the Sky People whom she had chosen for the supply mission, all of them now fully equipped and ready to depart.
"Aden?" she called, and the boy stepped forward, his spear gripped in his hands and eyes bright and alert.
"You lead," she ordered, and the boy's face flushed red with pride and excitement at being given the important task. She turned to address the others.
"As for the rest of you… We stay together. Move quickly, but watch your step. Reapers could be anywhere in these woods. We must be fast and silent if we want to avoid a fight. Once we find the supply cache, we will gather what we can find and return as quickly as possible. Keep your eyes alert and your weapons ready."
The serious faces of more than a dozen young Sky People looked back at her, some nervousness showing at the dangers that waited for them outside the safety of the camp's walls. She watched them each carefully and was reassured by the underlying courage she saw there. These were the camp's best and most trustworthy fighters, and she was confident they were equal to the task.
"Let's move out."
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Author's Note:
Guys… So much is going to happen in the next couple chapters. You better strap yourselves in. God bless Octavia and her determination to be free to live her own life on her own terms! Lots of different threads are coming together now. It's going to be messy and very awesome (or at least, I hope so)!
Thanks for sticking with me, I appreciate everyone who has been so great and supportive. I can't wait for what's coming up next! =)
- FlyUpInSKy