this one really took a turn. definitely huge TW for SH this chapter as well as a smaller TW for reference to SA. there's also sexual intimacy in this chapter ( non R! or SA). Please proceed with caution. If you'd like to read the chapter and try to avoid the intimacy, stop reading at "STOP 1" To avoid the SH stop reading at "STOP 2" Both had been possible end points for this chapter, but I felt more was warranted. again, please, proceed with caution. my greatest worry with this story is that someone will use it as inspiration. I've been upfront, this story is dark and is many of my deepest anxieties brought to the surface. If you need help, please refer to the hotlines on the first chapter, or find the hotline in your country if it's not listed.
Stay Strong- G.E.K
Song is by Taylor Acorn, give it a listen, support an independent artist
Chapter 39: Shapeshifting
"Come in, come in!" Santana said, ushering her friends in as they arrived for the Halloween party. Brittany stood beside her among sure everyone was in costume and was pleased to see that so far only Ali was stuck in the penalty pumpkin shirt. Admittedly, she was a little glad that Ali hadn't gotten a costume because she really wanted someone to wear one of her pumpkin shirts.
"Any costumes show up ours so far?" Santana asked, closing the door behind Sam and Mercedes who were dressed as Storm and Wolverine.
"Nope, we're totally going to win this." Brittnay grinned, looking over to Finn and Artie who were dressed as Thing 1 Thing 2. If they hadn't gone through the trouble of getting blue wigs she might have penalized their low maintenance effort. On the other hand, Tina and Mike were looking good in their Bugs and Lola Bunny costumes. She wasn't too sure how she felt about Kurt and Blaine's Pikachu and Ash but let them have their fun. Diego and Kelsey were the closest competition in their Gomez and Morticia Addams costumes. The only costume not spoken for was Rachel and Quinn's. Neither of them had arrived yet, but Santana had confirmed they'd both be coming (especially with Rachel to make sure she had Vegan food available). The doorbell rang, and surprisingly, both Quinn and Rachel were standing there, dressed as Princess Bubblegum (Rachel) and Marceline from Adventure Time. Quinn wore a lighter grey shirt under the baggy dark gray tank top, but had opted not to paint her face gray to match the vampire queen. Rachel had done extra blush but she too didn't try to tint her face a lighter shade, though she'd be light pink.
"Nice costumes." Brittany said "Still think Santana and I win though."
"You do." Rachel said curtly "the face paint looks like it took ages." Santana glanced at her Skelton features in the mirror, and sighed, knowing Brittany had spent over 30 minutes tediously painting her face.
"It did." Brittany said, admiring her own handiwork on her patchwork face "It was well worth it though. Besides, this way someone else has a chance to win the apple bobbing contest."
"She banned you from messing up your face paint?" Quinn says and Santana nods.
"She said she has a better idea of how to mess it up than a bucket of water and apples." Santana smirks.
"Didn't need to know that." Rachel says "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go find the vegan snacks." She pushes past, and makes no move to bring Quinn with nor does Quinn follow. Rather, the blonde sits on the stairs and watches everyone else enjoy the night from afar. Santana wants to stay and keep her company, but she has hosting duties to attend to. Her and Brittnay make make way to the makeshift stage at the front of the living room where karaoke is set up for later.
"Well, I want to thank you all for coming." Santana starts "And just to give you a brief overview we've got snacks and drinks along the back wall and pizzas will be arriving shortly and be served from the kitchen. And yes, Rachel, I ordered you a vegan pizza. We've got a few games outside including bobbing for apples and a pumpkin carving contest. Later we'll do some karaoke, or sing really whatever you want, and we'll end the night as we did last Halloween with the Nightmare Before Christmas." She finishes and everyone goes back to mingling. After she's made sure everyone is good she makes her way back to Quinn while Brittnay and Asher watch over the guests.
"You know, parties tend to be more fun when you participate." she says, squeezing next to Quinn on the stairs "I don't expect you to pretend to be happy. Just try to relax and have a little fun. Carve a pumpkin. Decorate a cookie. Grab an apple out of a bucket."
"I'm just not really in the mood. I really thought dressing up in this costume" Quinn gestured down to her clothes that could easily pass as street clothes if she wanted "would improve things. I mean, I hadn't even seen the show until Brittany force fed me the "important" episodes last night."
"You thought doing something so small as putting on a couple articles of clothing, that I'm sure you had lying around, was going to magically make what you did okay?" Santana asked.
"No, I just thought she'd be less…cold. But when I got in the car, her dad gave me a look that chilled me to the core. And she gave me a similar one. She didn't even think of me for dressing up. She just handed me these god awful fangs" Quinn smiled to show them off "and stared ahead until we got here. She hasn't said a word to me."
"Did you try to start a conversation?" Santana probed.
"I complimented her costume. I asked what she was looking forward to at the party. What she thought everyone else would dress up as. She just ignored me." Quinn sighed.
"Look…I admit she's being a bit petty but this is Rachel Berry. She doesn't understand what happened." Santana says "I know you don't want to tell her the nitty gritty, and I'm not saying you have to. But at least try to tell her what was going through your head. What you were feeling. She might try to ask why you felt that way, and she might not like the continued secrecy. But at least she might be willing to be a friend when you're ready."
"I don't know how to say it." The ex-cheerio admitted "I can't make the words come together."
"Then maybe you can communicate through music. Look, if you're not gonna engage in the party, you're welcome to go browse music upstairs in the guest room. Just, don't do anything stupid. And stay out of my room." Santana said "I know she still loves you. The question is will you let her." With that statement, Santana rejoined the party, accompanying Brittnay outside to decorate cookies. Quinn got up and grabbed a soda. She caught Rachel looking away from her conversation with Mercedes before she went up the stairs. She went to the guest bedroom and started scrolling through music, desperate to communicate. There was a light knock on the door and she answered come in without a second thought. She looked up and saw Kelsey standing there.
"What are you doing up here kid? The party's downstairs." Kelsey said.
"Not in the mood." Quinn shrugged "Sorry, did you need something?"
"Yeah, I just came to grab a pumpkin shirt. Thing 1 soaked his bobbing for apples." the older girl pointed to a stack of bright orange shirts "Kind of looks like you need one too, if it weren't for the wig."
"My girl- my friend wanted to match with me. I got the easy end of the bargain." Quinn shrugs.
"You're Quinn right?" Kelsey asked.
"Yeah, does Santana talk about me or something?" the girl asks.
"Not really. I've seen you passing through a few times. I'm Kelsey, it's okay if you didn't remember." she introduces herself.
"Diego's girlfriend, yeah I've seen you a few times when I've been here." Quinn remembers.
"Well, I better get back but don't hole up in here. Karaoke starts soon and I bet that "friend" of yours would really like to hear what you have to sing" Kelsey leaves and Quinn wonders if Santana had something to do with her showing up after all. She shakes it off and finally finds a song that sounds right. She texts Santana, and the hostess promises to load the song into the machine ASAP. Quinn listens to it on repeat a few times before heading down the stairs. She grabs a slice of pizza to get some energy and makes sure to drink a ton of water. She watches as everyone filters in, ready for karaoke and Santana takes to the stage.
"So, before we open up the stage to everyone, Quinn has asked to sing something first. Just hit the button when you're ready Q." Santana hands the mic over.
"Uh, hi everyone. Sorry I've missed most of the fun, but I had something more important to focus on. Rachel, I am so sorry about what I did. I meant what I said, I don't want to put you through me, I'm worried I'll hurt you. But at the same time, I know you're strong, and it's not my place to decide who you date. I have no right to dictate if you are part of this relationship or not. So, if you still want to be with me, I just need you to listen to what I'm about to sing and understand the emotions I've been struggling with. Why I decided that I wasn't good enough for you. Hopefully, at the very least, I get you as a friend, because I really need all the friends I can get." Quinn hits the bottom and starts the song. The first lyrics are played rather than Quinn singing them. The first verse starts and that's when she starts.
I don't think that I can do this anymore
Lying awake another night here on the bathroom floor
This isn't what I wanted or is it everything?
I just wanna make sense of it all
Can't swim when I'm sinking
Her eyes don't break contact with Rachel's, and Santana watches in awe as her friend bares it all. She can hear the blonde's voice threatening to break, but she pushes through.
If I fade away
Will they miss me?
They call my name
But it's too late
Am I supposed to know
I'd feel nothing in my bones
Been putting on a show
Tears fall from the corners of her eyes, and Quinn finishes the song before a choked sob escapes. Santana waits a minute to see if Rachel will move, but the diva looks paralyzed. She grabs Quinn and Brittany announces that everyone can start as she drags Rachel's from her seat. Santana ushers Quinn to the guest room as cries shake her body. Santana tries her best to ignore how bony the girl feels as she pulls her into a hug. Brittany follows shortly with Rachel who collapses onto the bed and screams into the pillow. Her scream turns to a cry and Quinn pulls away from Santana and pulls the diva into her lap, and Rachel just clings to her helplessly. Santana looks to Brittany unsure what to do, but is met with similar confusion. She looks to Quinn and catches hazel eyes begging her to stay. She closes the door and pulls Brittnay with her to sit in the big rocking chair in the corner. Slowly, the cries slow and Rachel composes herself. Quinn hands her a tissue and the diva wipes at her face. Quinn waits and Rachel stops fussing and looks at her.
"Why?" Rachel utters "Why do you feel so, so…"
"Empty? Broken?" Quinn fills in, and Rachel nods. She takes a breath. "I…I've been through a lot."
"I know what Puck did was awful, but I thought you said you felt like you'd recovered. At least, you were ready to leave that in the past." Rachel says.
"And that was true. But he's not my only demon Rach." Quinn rolls her sleeves up "He's not important enough to fuel this."
"Oh Quinnie…" Rachel runs a thumb along raised scars gently.
"This isn't to make you feel like you did anything wrong. You're perfect. God, Rach, you have no idea how perfect you are. But hun, not all dads are good like yours." Quinn says "You know that. You just don't know how bad mine is."
"Quinn?" Santana asks. The blonde nods, assuring the Latina she's certain she wants to share her trauma.
"My father was abusive. IS abusive. He got away with his actions for a long time. He got caught just recently after he came back. Reminded me he owns me." Quinn looks down.
"He…I'll kill him. That's what I'll do."Rachel growls but Quinn grabs the girl's hands.
"No. The system will deal with him. Rachel, I can't be everything you want and deserve. I can't worship you the way I want to. It's too intimate, it's too scary. I…don't know how long it's going to take me to feel okay again. And I don't want you to have to wait around for me." Quinn kisses Rachel's knuckles "But I also don't believe that anyone can stop Rachel Berry when she sets her mind to something."
"You've got that right Lucy Quinn Fabray. About time you realized that nothing, and I mean nothing you say or sing will ever convince me you aren't meant to be loved me and to love me. Nothing will convince me that your love isn't enough for me. Because it is. It is the absolute perfect amount of love. The perfect kind of love for me." Rachel says.
"Sounds like we're not needed." Brittany says.
"Wait." Quinn says "Thank you. Thank you both I…I don't know how I can repay you."
"For fucks sake Quinn, you gotta kiss the girl!" Santana says.
"Sanny!" Brittany scolds her swearing.
"No, she's right." Quinn says and she pulls Rachel into a kiss "I love you Rachel Barbra Berry".
"C'mon Britt, I don't want to see these 2 trade spit." Santana chuckles and Brittany flicks her as they leave.
"They're terrible" Rachel says.
"The worst." Quinn agree before kissing Rachel again.
"We're gonna need to stop." Rachel says breathlessly as she breaks a very long kiss.
"Why?" Quinn asks.
"Because we both know this could lead somewhere we aren't ready to go." Rachel says.
"I wasn't going to…"Quinn trails off.
"I know you weren't. But not all of us have self control like you. Come on, I want to go sing." Rachel says. "And, just so you know, I'm totally fine to just cuddle and watch Adventure Time. No need to "chill" too." The diva winks and drags Quinn with her back down the stairs.
Karaoke finishes up and Santana gets the movie ready while everyone sets up sleeping bags and air mattresses on the living room floor. This year everyone manages to stay awake through the whole movie so Santana pops in Beetlejuice for the nightowls. Almost everyone falls asleep in the first 30 minutes, leaving just Santana and Quinn awake. Brittany is asleep on Santana's shoulder, so the Latina tries not to move too much. Quinn looks up to the girl from her own compromised position with Rachel asleep on her chest.
"Guess we better try to sleep too, huh?" Quinn whispers.
"I mean you can watch the movie until it's done. I need to carry Britt upstairs and get our faces washed." Santana sighs.
"Hopefully Beetlejuice puts me to sleep huh?" Quinn asks, and Santana smiles softly.
"Quinn, stay awake as long as you like. But I think Rachel's cuddles will lull you if Winona Ryder doesn't." Santana gently wakes Brittnay and helps the blonde up the stairs bidding Quinn goodnight.
Once they've washed their faces, Santana helps Brittany out of her costume and in to bed. She kisses a pale forehead and goes to wash the day off. Getting out of that skeleton suit was a relief, and she's eternally grateful for warm showers as the layers of sweat wash away. She really needed to consult with Brittany about having a costume that wasn't so hot. She lets the water wash over her for a few minutes, thinking about what Quinn sang. Sure, it had the desired effect of getting Rachel back, but Santana had a feeling there was a cry for help hidden in those lyrics.
"STOP 1"
"Sanny?" Brittany calls from the other room, and before Santana can call back she hears the bathroom door open and close. "Are you almost done babe?"
"Sorry, I was just thinking. I'll be out in a minute okay?" Santana says, but Brittany doesn't respond right away.
"Thinkin bout what?" the blonde asks, opening the curtain just slightly. The blonde has stripped out of the underwear Santana left her in. Santana opens the curtain more, inviting Brittnay to join her.
"Quinn." Santana admits, and Brittany sighs, gently rubbing her girlfriend's shoulders.
"You're worried." Brittany says "So am I but" Brittany kisses Santana's shoulder "You have to let yourself relax."
"I'm trying." Santana says, turning to face the blonde. Brittany gently rubs her thumb against the worry line forming between Santana's brows. She kisses her forehead softly.
"You do so much for everyone else that you don't take enough time for yourself." Brittany says, taking the bodywash and gently rubbing it into Santana's back as she holds the girl close.
"I can't lose someone again. Not if I can stop it." The raven-haired girl admits "I couldn't help Emmy. But I can help my friends now. I can help you."
"Not if you let yourself go." Brittany insists, handing the bodywash to Santana so she can continue washing her body as she works shampoo into her scalp. "If you're not taken care of, you can't take care of others."
"I just lose track of time and suddenly I haven't done any of my self care." Brown eyes look up at blue ones "I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for." Brittnay gently covers the girl's eyes as she tilts her head back to rinse out the shampoo. She make sure it's all rinsed before she let's the girl open her eyes again. "You just lost focus. That's okay. I'm here to help. We can lean on each other okay?"
"Okay." Santana says, but Brittany senses that there's not full commitment behind that okay. She lets it go for the moment, gently conditioning the girl's long hair. She lets the conditioner sit for a few minutes, washing herself as best she can while trading soft kisses with Santana. Once they both rinsed conditioner out of their hair, Brittnay steps out first, wrapping a towel around herself before grabbing Santana's favorite fluffy towel and holding it for the girl to step into. She wraps her in the towel and her arms and gently kisses a tan neck. Santana let's out a quiet moan and Brittany gently nibbles her ear. She turns the girl around.
"How are you feeling?" the dancer asks a simple question, but the intention is loaded.
"I'm feeling good. Warm. Sexy." Santana says.
"So, are you giving me enthusiastic consent to continue kissing your neck?" Brittany tries not to laugh, but a small giggle escapes.
"Yes babe. I'm giving you consent to continue to turn me on, and touch me. To run your hands through my hair, to kiss me passionately, to find the warmth between my legs and cool it with your talented fingers. Baby, I want to make love to you. Do you consent too?" Santana husks.
"It's an enthusiastic yes from me." Brittany smiles, pulling Santana to the bed. Towels are tossed aside, and lips find one another in a fiery kiss. Things get hot and heavy quickly, but they still take it slow. Savoring the love that is shared between them. It's Santana who first fall over the edge, but she makes sure that Brittany falls with her just shortly after. This is only the first of many falls to follow. After their final shared climax, Brittany falls back, Santana's head falling to her chest. The smaller girl gently kisses a red mark she left there, and looks up to find blue eyes looking down at her adoringly. After a few minutes of cooling down, they hear a whimper from the foot of the bed. Sitting on the floor looking at them is Asher, still donning his Zero costume.
"Oh buddy, come here." Santana says and the dog, carefully climbs onto the bed. Once he finds his footing he does his best not to step on either girls limbs. He eventually lies down with half his body draped over Brittnay legs and the other half of him on Santana's stomach. Together, the girls manage to wrangle him out of his costume and adjust so he's not crushing either of them.
"Why'd he have to get big?" Brittany asks as she looks over the dogs head to see her girlfriend.
"More importantly, who decided he got to sleep in the middle?" Santana asks.
"Asher" Brittnay says and the dog looks at her tiredly. "Feet." she says. Asher pulls himself up and humphs as he plops down at the foot of the bed. "We'll cuddle in the morning big boy." Santana can swear the dog rolls his eyes,but is glad she can now cuddle with Brittany without a big furry baby in the middle.
"He's mad isn't he?" Santana whispers
"Don't tell him, but I have a new toy for him. He'll get over it." Brittany whispers back. Santana laughs softly as she rests her head on Brittany's chest and lets her heartbeat lull her to sleep. Brittany falls asleep not long after.
"STOP 2"
Downstairs, Beetlejuice had finished and Quinn had managed to turn off the TV without moving Rachel. She stares at the ceiling and she wonders if Santana and Brittany are asleep yet. She heard the shower shut off ages ago, and she hadn't heard much since. She supposes it's best not to bother them regardless. As carefully as she can, Quinn moves Rachel off of her. The diva stirs but doesn't wake, so the blonde quickly moves to not disturb her rest anymore. She goes to the kitchen and gets some water, hoping that quenching her thirst might make her feel a bit less awake. She also realizes that she'll never fall asleep with Rachel beside her, so she makes her way up the stairs and to the guest bedroom. Just as she's closing the door, she hears some unspeakable noises from Santana's room and it makes her question her decision to move. However, once she closes the door it seems the sound can no longer be heard. She sets the glass of water down on the nightstand and grabs one of the big pumpkin shirts still stacked on top of the dresser. It'll do as a nice sleep shirt, certainly more comfortable than going to sleep in jeans. She was glad Rachel had been one of the few geniuses among their friends to bring some pajamas, but of course she wouldn't ruin her dress. Quinn shakes off her thoughts, she needs to be thinking about sleep and only sleep, and only sleep. Despite her best efforts as she gets changed and manages to find a new toothbrush and toothpaste, Rachel doesn't leave her mind. She crawls under the covers of the guest bed and tries to clear her mind to no avail. The song she sang plays over memories of Rachel, their time together and their time as mortal enemies. She can't quiet the thoughts, no matter how hard she tries. It's too much for her to handle. She jerks upright and goes to the bathroom, spilling her meager stomach contents into the toilet. The final image wasn't even something she'd actually seen, only a false reality her mind had made up. One where Rachel had been with Finn intimately. She gagged just remembering it. She pushes herself off the floor and splashes water on her face. She should be able to clear just one thought. She closes the toilet lid and flushes, sitting on the lid and holding her head in her hands. Her heart and head pound in sync with the song. There's got to be something in the medicine cabinet, something to ease her head. She finds Advil and Tylenol, but resting on the bottom shelf, something else catches her eye. The metal glints in the artificial lights, and her hand instinctively reaches for it. She has a feeling it's not meant to be there, she knows Ali hides most of the razors in the house. One in the guest bedroom that is easily accessible wouldn't be allowed. Quinn's eyes dart between the blade and the pain meds. She knows which is the right decision, but she's not sure she cares. She closes the medicine cabinet, pain meds forgotten, razor resting on the counter calling to her.
Been putting on a show for everybody but me
She turns the razor over lazily, twirling it between her fingers like a pen.
I've been coming home alone
She examines the blades, they're not very sharp but they'll still slice skin.
Dying fast and living low
She runs a finger over the dull blades, testing the pressure she needs to draw blood. Success.
At least that's how it feels when I can't sleep
She picks it up, presses it to her arm. She's frozen. Not moving an inch, resisting and the need for pain war behind her eyes.
Shapeshifting
Her hands tremble and the razor clatters to the floor.
Shaking hands with everything that's haunting me
She scrambles to pick it up and gratefully finds the blades intact.
How can I stand when I don't trust my own two feet
She leans back against the cupboard. She brings the blade to her arm again.
This isn't what I wanted or is it everything?
The metal is cold. Her blood is hot.
I just need to make sense of it all
Drip. Blood hits the floor. Little red dots, they fall. She stares at her wound. There's a knock on the door. She makes no move to answer. Another knock. She doesn't care. A third knock followed by the door opening.
"Quinn?"
Who's voice is that? She's not sure.
"Q?"
Is that a second person.
"Babe?"
Rachel. Rachel can't see her like this, she has to hide the evidence.
"Shit"
The foul language makes her lookup. Rachel doesn't swear. Blue eyes. Brittany.
"Quinn…" the taller blonde kneels in front of her. "Sanny, Rach, stay out there."
"Why?" that's Rachel, Quinn knows it. She shakes her head desperately. Don't let her in.
"Just stay Berry." Thank God for Santana being whipped.
"You're not the boss of me Santana." Rachel argues. God, why is she so stubborn?
"This is for your own good." Santana says. Quinn can imagine Santana has grabbed Rachel at this point.
"Let me go this instant!" Rachel protests, proving Quinn right.
"Q" Brittany says, and she snaps her eyes back forward. "Where'd you go?"
"I moved?" Quinn asks. She's pretty sure she's still sitting in the same spot.
"Never mind." Brittany sprays something on her arm. It stings.
"Ow." Quinn says.
"Shut up." Brittany doesn't apologize. She grabs gauze and presses down.
"Ow!" Quinn protests again.
"I said shut up Q." Brittany seethes. She hears Rachel protesting more. Oh, right. She complies. "Thank you." Brittany wraps a bandage around the gauze to hold it in place. She grabs some tissues and wipes the floor. She shoves the razor into the trash too. "Alright up."
"Huh?" Quinn looks as Brittany stands and reaches a hand out to her. Brittnay shakes her head.
"Stand up Quinn." the dancer reaches and Quinn grasps. She pulls her up. The smaller girl leans on her heavily. "Dammit Q" Brittany helps support their weight in the doorframe of the bathroom. Santana let's Rachel go and Quinns not sure which of the other girls gasp, but Santana is suddenly on her other side. She knows because Rachel's in front of her searching her eyes.
"Quinnie…" Rachel can see her confusion, Quinn knows it "Where are you hun? Come on." Rachel kisses her and Quinn thinks she kisses back but she's not sure. "Baby please." Rachel runs her thumb along her lips. Then the diva kisses her forehead. It's all comes crashing back.
"Fuck!" Quinn shouts and the other girls all stagger. Brittnay recovers fast enough to not drop Quinn and Santana is solid a few seconds later. Rachel stares at her. Asher runs in and whimpers. He paws at Quinns shaky legs.
"Ash, no" Santana says. He sits and whimpers. "What is it boy?" He nudges Quinn's leg with his nose. "Britt, lay Quinn down." Brittany does as she's told and immediately Asher is sniffing Quinn he find her arm and nudge it. The blood is seeping through the bandage. He barks. He lays a paw on the bandage. He barks again. Quinn's eyes look back and forth. She's not sure when she got to the floor but she sure feels sleepy. She blinks them closed.
"Stay awake Quinn" Brittany says. She opens her eyes. "Rachel call 911." Brittany orders. After that, Quinn remembers nothing until she's in the ambulance. And then the hospital.
"Rach?" She asks.
"Guys, she's awake!" Rachel says. Santana and Brittnay move towards her.
"What happened?" She asks.
"All of you out of the way." a doctor pushes through the crowd. "Good morning Miss Fabray. You self-inflicted a major bleeding injury. You'll be staying under our watch for a few days to monitor you and your injury. Despite hospital policy, Dr.Cohen Chang has informed me these girls should be treated as your family and be allowed to visit you. Don't get any funny ideas. I'll be back in an hour." The doctor leaves.
"Can one of you explain?" Quinn asks.
"Rachel woke us up when she woke up and you weren't next to her." Brittany says.
"Initially I thought you'd probably just decided to sleep in the guest bed." Santana said.
"But then I found you with a slit wrist on the bathroom floor." Brittany says, pulling at her own sleeves.
"What's going on Quinn?" Rachel asks "Why are you doing this to yourself?"
"Rachel, I wish I knew I just…" Quinn looks at Brittany and Santana helplessly.
"If she's anything like me, she thinks she deserves to hurt for something she did." Brittany says.
"Or something that happened to her." Santana adds. "I think for Q, it's a bit of both."
"I'm not even sure." Quinn says "My brain just kind of goes blank. I don't remember much of what I'm thinking when I do this."
"Your brain is suppressing the trauma." Brittany states. "Regardless, I'm glad we found you."
"I didn't mean to do anything that was life threatening." Quinn mutters "I just lost control."
"And we'll be there for you. But right now, Brittany and I need to do damage control on the rest of our friends and take care of ourselves." Santana says "This was an extremely triggering event for us." The two girls leave Rachel with Quinn.
"Alright, it's time for honesty. Let's talk." Rachel says.