Chapter 13

"Have enough courage
to trust love one more time
and always one more time."

– Maya Angelou

The last of October seemed to pass by in a hundred tiny fragments.

Nights were for Stefan. It was now more the rule than the exception that she would wake up to him thrashing and moaning pitifully in the early hours of the morning. When this happened, Rose would roll over and hold him tightly until he settled back into an uneasy sleep. Some nights were worse than others, and he would wake up in sudden terror, not aware of where he was or what had caused him to be so afraid. Rose was sure that she'd heard him frantically muttering the name "Christina" on more than one occasion.

She wanted more than anything to ask him what had happened to cause him to have nightmares involving his deceased cousin more than a decade after her death. Every time she considered bringing the subject up, however, Rose chickened out. She was afraid of making Stefan feel worse than he did or make him angry with her for pushing him to talk about something he wasn't ready to. So she stayed silent.

Days were for work. Gina and Rose were busy analyzing samples at the clinic and trying to isolate and better understand the blood curse that caused lycanthropy. Damocles Belby had helpfully sent over his own research notes on the subject allowing the pair to pick up where he'd left off. Rose had been surprised and grateful by the man's generosity. Most people hoarded their knowledge and research in order to benefit from it—but then, Damocles had already obtained wealth, fame, and fortune for himself.

Rose had convinced Gina to let her take over collecting samples completely. It hadn't been difficult. At this stage in their research, Gina's background in potions and alchemy was more helpful in the lab than Rose's focus on transfiguration. The trade in responsibilities had seemed reasonable, and although it hurt Rose's pride a little, she knew it would keep Gina safe from Greyback. While Fenrir might be out to intimidate her, she didn't really think he had the guts to harm her given her association with both the Malfoy and Dolohov families. The werewolf hadn't come back into the small office that St. Mungo's had been letting them use since the first week of October. But sometimes when she would leave, Rose could feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end and could swear the smell of blood lingered in the air.

Despite feeling like she was walking on eggshells at home and the anxiety of work, Rose was feeling happier than she had in months, because Friday afternoons were for Remus. Though they hadn't repeated their dinner date at his house—Remus had not invited her back, and she hadn't pressed him—he had now taken to joining her at the café after he got off of work. The pair would sit across from each other, share dessert, and talk about their week. Perhaps Remus had sensed the danger of meeting with Rose in a place where a bedroom was only a hallway away. With a table between them and strangers walking by, it was easy to pretend that their meetings were perfectly innocent.

"If you could do anything, what would you want to do," Rose asked, leaning her head on her hand and staring across the table at Remus. He leaned back in his own seat, setting down the fork that he'd been eating a slice of chocolate cake with.

"I haven't thought about that in a long time," he said consideringly. Rose continued to watch him curiously, taking another bite of cake. Remus took a moment to enjoy the look of pleasure that crossed her face when the chocolate touched her tongue. Glancing away quickly, he refocused on her question.

"My father was an expert on dark creatures," he began. "When I was young, he used to travel to different countries and towns, helping banish or capture them. He saved a lot of people that way. It's how he met my mother actually. When I went to Hogwarts, I was hoping to learn enough to follow in his footsteps. Unfortunately, given my condition, it's unlikely I'll ever be able to pursue that dream."

"Why is that," Rose asked, staring at Remus with rapt attention. Remus had never talked much about his parents or childhood. She hadn't known until their dinner together that his mother had been a muggle. She didn't even know if his parents were still alive.

"I've been able to help from time to time if I'm passing through and notice the signs of a dark creature. But to do it for a living I'd need to be licensed by the Ministry, and well…" he trailed off with a helpless shrug, and Rose grimaced.

"I see. I'm sorry," she said, regretting that she'd brought up the topic.

"It can't be helped. It's just the way things are," he said automatically. It was the mantra he'd been telling himself for years. He saw the anger in her hazel eyes at this statement.

"Well, they shouldn't be that way," she said fiercely, and Remus loved her for it. His fingertips brushed hers briefly, and he gave her a reassuring smile. He saw her cheeks redden at his touch and at her own outburst. His stomach felt momentarily weightless, and—sensing danger—he quickly changed the topic.

"Have you decided whether to go to the party or not," he asked, and irritation replaced the ferocity on her face.

"Not really," she answered.

"You should go," he said immediately.

"That's what Stefan says too," Rose replied, immediately regretting it. Remus glanced down, took another bite of cake, and the pair awkwardly moved past the mention of her husband.

"You've been saying you want to see them again, it would be the perfect time," he continued. Rose nodded slowly. He'd made this point before. The Halloween party that Lucius and Narcissa were hosting would be a perfect chance to reconnect with them without having to spend one on one time with her parents. It would also be a very public declaration if she didn't attend it, and Rose wasn't interested in starting that kind of a scandal.

"You're probably right," she said with a sigh.

"What's holding you back, then?"

"Nothing," she said quickly, and Remus tilted his head, looking at her with piercingly blue eyes.

"Rose… you've had something on your mind for a while that's keeping you from going, what is it," he pressed. She looked down at the cobblestones at her feet, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

"I've been thinking about going to Godric's Hollow on Halloween…" she said slowly. Lupin's breath caught in his throat and he stared at her. Rose lifted one hand to her mouth and anxiously chewed at one of her thumb nails. Remus reached over and pulled her hand away, entwining his fingers with hers. She jumped, clearly having been lost in thought.

"Why the sudden urge to go back," he asked.

"I've been thinking about it for a while actually. I haven't been back since… well, you know," she said, staring down at their hands. "I thought it might be time to… pay my respects…"

Remus squeezed her hand tightly and his gaze softened.

"There's no reason you can't do both," he suggested gently. Rose nodded rapidly at this.

"I know you're right," she said. "I'm just… afraid I guess." To Remus' surprise, at this statement, Ross's lips drew back an obvious show of self-disgust, and she drew her hand out of his, running it over her face tiredly.

"What's wrong," Remus asked in concern.

"Have you ever been so disgusted with yourself that you can't stand it," she said. Remus felt a throb in his chest at her words.

"Yes," he said simply. Their eyes met, and the pair exchanged sad weary smiles.

"Would… would you come with me," she asked in a very small voice. Remus nodded.

When Rose arrived at Godric's Hollow on the evening of Halloween, trick or treating was already in full swing. She didn't mind the chaos, it meant that no one was paying attention to her. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, Rose began her walk through the hamlet, looking around at the quaint houses and the children running about in costumes. For a moment, Rose wondered darkly if this is what Lord Voldemort had seen the night he came to kill her family. Shaking her head to clear it of these unhelpful thoughts, Rose looked up at a war memorial in the center of the square.

The statue changed before her eyes, revealing a man with dark messy hair, and a beautiful woman, with long gently curling hair standing beside one another. In the woman's arms was a baby boy, smiling up at the sky. Rose's breath caught in her throat at the young girl who was clinging to the man's leg. James Potter was resting his hand on her head affectionately. Rose stepped forward and stared at the memorial, her eyes moving slowly across the stone representations of her parent's faces.

"You look just like them," his voice said, a hand settling on her shoulder. Rose leaned into Remus' side, never taking her eyes off the statue. He rubbed her back affectionately.

"I don't know if I can do this, Remus," Rose said, her voice thick with emotion.

"Yes, you can, Rose," he reassured her, his hand dropping down to encase her own. Rose looked up into his clear blue eyes and nodded.

"Where too first," he asked, and Rose began silently walking in the direction of the graveyard. Remus tried not to stare down at her while they walked.

'She asked you here for your support, not to be a pervert,' he reminded himself sternly. Rose had warned him that she'd be showing up in costume as she'd be going straight to the Halloween party afterwards. What he hadn't expected was for her to show up dressed as Little Red Riding Hood—Remus sensed that Sam might have been behind the costume suggestion.

With the long red cape draped over her shoulders, Remus hadn't been able to see the full effect of the outfit from behind. Now that he could see her head on, he found it difficult to look away. The off the shoulder peasant's blouse she wore was cinched tight around her waist by a black corset. The short checkered skirt she wore showed off her toned legs—the black pumps making them seem even longer than usual.

"Your, ah… your outfit looks nice," Remus said casually.

"Think so?" Rose looked up at him from beneath dark lashes and gave him a positively wolfish grin. Remus swallowed hard.

The mood between them sobered once again as they stepped into the graveyard. Rose let Remus guide her to the right headstones—he'd been here plenty of times before. Remus was surprised to find that despite the melancholy he felt upon seeing his friends graves, there was also a deep sense of peace he'd never experienced here before. The comfort of not being alone—of another hand holding his.

For her part, Rose stared down at the names on the headstone and felt very little. It was almost too abstract. Seeing the carved stone and the two plots of land where their bodies lay side by side meant almost nothing to her. Rose had not been there for the funeral. She saw the names but could hardly believe that the loving faces she remembered from her childhood were decaying beneath them.

"Mom, dad," Rose began quietly, pausing when she realized she didn't know what to say. She'd spent so many years denying her connection to James and Lily—even hating them. Part of her felt like she had no right to say anything in this moment. Swallowing thickly she said the only two words she could think of.

"Thank you…." Despite the numbness she felt, Rose was surprised to feel dampness on her cheeks. Lifting a hand, she brushed back tears—she was crying.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why—" she began to Remus, but her apology was cut off when he pulled her into his arms, their bodies pressed tightly against one another. One of his hand cupped the back of her head, the other wrapped tightly around her waist. Rose wrapped both her arms around his neck and held him close while the pair cried into each other's shoulders. After a long moment when the tears stopped, they drew apart and stared into each other's eyes.

Rose wasn't surprised when he leaned forward and kissed her. Something about it just seemed right in that moment. She would have been more surprised not to be kissed by him. It wasn't a kiss that communicated lust or desire but was sweet and kind and made both of them feel less alone. Their lips lingered on one another's and the world and all of its complexities paused for long seconds. When they finally broke apart, Rose chuckled. Remus smiled in return, brushing her cheeks of the last of her tears.

"What would they think if they could see us standing here crying like idiots," Rose asked.

"Well…" Remus mused. "I imagine James might punch me, and I don't even want to consider what Lily would do."

Rose laughed, cupping his cheek affectionately with her hand.

"Thank you for coming here with me," she said, and the pair interlaced fingers once again. He squeezed her hand in response.

"Where to next," he asked, as they exited the tombstones.

"I think that might be all I can handle for one Halloween," Rose said with an apologetic shrug, but Remus nodded in understanding.

"I'm glad you decided to see them, I think it would have meant a lot to Lily and James too," Remus said. Rose nodded and glanced down at her feet.

"I wish… I wish I could have brought Harry," Rose said quietly.

"Has he still not written back to you," Remus asked sympathetically. Rose shook her head, biting her lip. She'd written him weeks ago after Remus had encouraged her to do it. She wasn't particularly surprised by the silence, but it still hurt.

"It's alright though," she said when Remus frowned. She supposed she deserved it for the years she'd spurned him when Harry had actually wanted to get to know her.

"Give him some time, I'm sure he'll write back," Remus reassured her. Rose didn't have the heart to disagree with him. The pair paused at the edge of town, Remus finally releasing her hand, and Rose tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. The two looked around awkwardly for a moment.

"Enjoy your party," he said at last.

"Thanks…" Rose said hesitantly. Remus cocked his head at her curiously.

"What are you thinking about now, Roselin," he asked.

"Trying to decide whether it would be pressing my luck to ask for a goodbye kiss," she grinned. Remus let out a bark of laughter, looking at her with warm eyes.

"It certainly would be," he answered.

"Well, thought I'd ask," she shrugged unabashedly. "Goodnight Remus."

Turning away, she began looking around for a place to disapparate when she was stopped by a hand on her arm. Grasping the crook of her elbow, Remus spun her around, bent down, and pressed his lips to hers in a quick, sweet goodbye. When they broke away, Rose couldn't keep the grin from her face. With a guilty churning in his stomach, Remus smiled back.

"Goodnight Rose."

Rose was still smiling when she arrived at the outskirts of Malfoy manor. The feeling of Remus' lips on hers had not yet faded. The trip to Godric's Hollow had been bittersweet. But somehow with Remus there, she'd felt at peace. This feeling of peace evaporated when Rose saw two figures standing in the shadows just outside the manor's gate. One was the unmistakable figure of Margot Dolohov, with her fan fluttering rapidly in front of her face. The other was the balding, cowering form of Peter Pettigrew.