PART ONE: IN VITAM

Chapter VIII: Five of Cups Reversed

I woke sometime around noon on Sunday, still curled up in the armchair with an aching neck and a foggy head. My stomach twisted in protest, complaining that I hadn't eaten since the buttered crumpet James had given me the previous morning.

Exhausted and hungry, I made my way down to the Great Hall and found Marlene's friends at the Hufflepuff table for lunch. Dorcas wondered where I'd disappeared to so early in the morning, and I repeated the same excuse about studying. At that, Dorcas and Jenn exchanged glances. My mind went wild, imagining all the holes in my act. They knew I wasn't Marlene. It was only a matter of time before they turned me over to Dumbledore or locked me a broom closet like Rosier. But both Dorcas and Jenn went back to eating without a word. I wondered if I'd imagined it; Rosier's words had made me hyper-aware, and now I saw doubt where it didn't exist.

I did, however, try to talk more during lunch. I listened to Mary while she recounted a harmless prank she'd seen James and Sirius pull that morning, and I asked Jenn questions about the mermaid she'd seen while strolling along the edge of the Great Lake. All in all, I'd thought things went pretty well—until Dorcas mentioned a St. Mungo's apprenticeship to me.

I opened my mouth, searching for something to say. I knew Marlene had wanted to be a Healer, but Rosier hadn't mentioned anything about her applying for an apprenticeship. Had she already sent out her applications, or was it something she'd only talked about doing?

Mary saved me by saying, "Mum told me that it was better to wait until after the winter holidays to send owls. Marlene and I are holding off until then."

Mutely, I nodded along with her words. I could feel Lily's gaze on me, however, and I had the distinct feeling I'd fucked up.

I turned my gaze back to the half-eaten sandwich on the plate in front of me. I couldn't let Rosier's words get to me. He was trying to knock me off balance. He wanted me desperate, so I'd have no choice but to ask him for help. I'd be damned before I played Rosier's game.

"What's the matter, Marlene?" asked Dorcas. "You're looking peaky."

I tore my eyes away from the plate to give her a thin smile. "Aye right."

"You shouldn't spend all your time studying," said Lily. "It's not healthy."

"You're right." I genuinely meant it. "Except I still have to do homework for tomorrow."

"You didn't finish it this morning?" asked Dorcas incredulously. "You were gone for hours!"

"I was reading for Divination and reviewing for NEWTs." It wasn't a total lie. "I, uh, also fell asleep on my textbook."

Dorcas gave a snort of laughter. "That's why you should stay in the dorm and not sneak off at two in the morning to study."

I grinned. "I'll try."

"Well, let's do homework together," said Lily. "We can find a table in the library."

I hesitated. I still had so many spells to learn. I'd only taught myself a basic shield spell and a handful of third-year hexes this morning. But the thought of putting on the diadem again sent a wave of nausea through me. Not today. Today, I needed a break.

I smiled at Lily and said, "That'd be great."

And so, I spent the rest of my Sunday in the library. While reading for classes became significantly harder without the diadem, I managed to stumble through it with some help from Lily, Dorcas, and Mary.

Jenn had tried to help as well, but her explanations often made little to no sense. Once, when I asked how to alter the incantation to transfigure different masses, Jenn had simply said, "You just say it and it works, right?" She'd looked at me with wide, innocent eyes, as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. I'd stared at her for a second. My brother had worn a similar expression on his face when I didn't automatically understand how math worked. I'd then smiled at Jenn before asking Dorcas, "So, how do I alter the incantation to transfigure different masses?"

I missed the diadem. It sat in my enchanted bookbag, disguised as a baseball cap. A few times, I thought about putting it on in front of Marlene's friends; after all, the disguise would keep the diadem hidden. But always, I kicked myself for even considering such a dangerous idea.

The day came to an end with my mountains of homework done and drinking hot cocoa with Dorcas and Jenn in the Hufflepuff girls' dorm. I hadn't made an ounce of progress on my other work, but there were days, I reminded myself as I crawled into bed, where I needed a break.

Classes went slightly better this Monday than they did the first. I made a start on a halfway decent potion, and I discovered Slughorn had given me an Exceeds Expectations on the final product of my Blood-Replenishing Potion. In Transfiguration, I answered a question correctly when Professor McGonagall called on me, and in Defense Against the Dark Arts, I managed to cast a nonverbal spell by the end of the period.

I could feel Rosier's eyes on me in every class, noting my progress. I didn't dare look over my shoulder. I didn't want him to see a twitch in my cheek or a quirk in my mouth and think that I was considering his proposal. I wasn't. I wanted nothing to do with that arrogant dobber who was going to choose Voldemort in the end.

In the late afternoon, I was on my way down to the greenhouses for Herbology when someone called out to me in a strong Aberdonian accent.

"Have you been ignoring me, Marlene?"

My head snapped around, and I saw a tall, athletic boy with a few spatterings of pimples on his broad face, framed by shoulder-length brown hair with just a hint of red. I recognized Marlene's younger brother from the photos in her dorm room wall. He was a fourth year, according to Marlene's letter, and already he reached the same height as me. I wondered how tall he was going to end up before I realized that Hartley was waiting for me to respond.

"No," I lied.

I had been avoiding him. Anytime I saw him in the Hufflepuff common room, I would give him a polite smile and then hurry on my way. Even if I could convince Marlene's friends that I was her (and even that was doubtful right now), I didn't think her little brother would be so easily fooled.

"I made it onto the Hufflepuff Quidditch team," said Hartley. As if I couldn't tell from the yellow practice robes he wore and the broom in his hand. "Not that you asked."

I winced, feeling my own insensitivity. I pictured my older brother, the excitement in his face when he told me he'd been accepted to a school in Boston, and said, with as much joy as I could muster, "Really? Congrats! I'm so proud of you."

His mouth tightened, but he only said, "Thanks. Wish you'd been there. Gudgeon didn't want to replace you. He kept saying you'd come 'round until he had to pick someone."

"I'm sure he found someone better," I said, though of course I had no idea how good or bad Marlene had been at Quidditch.

Hartley gave me a humorless smile. "Aye right. Sure."

The conversation came to a halt. My heartbeat picked up, and I searched desperately for a topic. Anything I could discuss with Marlene's little brother. Family seemed like a normal topic, but my knowledge felt so limited. I'd definitely reveal to Hartley that I had no clue what I was talking about.

"Have you gotten a letter from ma?" asked Hartley at last.

I shook my head. My mind whirled. Surely, Marlene would've told me if there was an unanswered letter from her ma sitting at the bottom of her bookbag. But then again, I couldn't count on Marlene for anything.

"The baby should be due any day now," said Hartley.

For a moment, I thought he was crazy. What baby? Then, as the haze of panic faded, I remembered Marlene's letter. Her older brother Owen. His wife, Yuki, was pregnant with their first child. I managed a small smile for Hartley and said, "I hope it all goes well. I'm ready to be an aunt."

Hartley's brown eyes raked over my face, as if he could find the truth there. I shifted under his intense stare, wishing I could be back in the Room of Requirement. There was no pressure to pretend in front of Helena and the diadem.

"Yuki's quit her job at the Ministry," said Hartley. "She thinks it's safer at home. Though she comes from a pureblood family. She doesn't have much to worry about."

"She's probably worried about the baby," I said, nodding along with Hartley's words.

"I wonder if ma's going to move her parents like she was talking about."

My stomach lurched. I was being tested again. I felt it in my gut. There was an expected response. But what could it be? Marlene's ma wanted to move her parents. Why? I tried to recall Marlene's letter. The fancy, curling handwriting. My ma, June McKinnon…owlry in Diagon Alley… Her ma and da are muggles…witch for a daughter… Muggle parents.

I grimaced and said, "It might be for the best. It's dangerous for ma too."

Hartley's eyes narrowed a fraction. I would've missed it if my nerves hadn't kept me hyper-focused. He lifted his chin slightly and said, "Da's worried about her, but of course, ma can only worry about her parents."

"I'm sure da's worried about her working in Diagon Alley," I said.

Some of the tension seemed to leave Hartley shoulders, and he nodded. "Owen says he's been trying to convince her to close down shop after that attack on Georg's Apothecary. Eyelop's expressed interest buying in the owlry from her."

I'd never heard of Georg's Apothecary or this Eyelop, but judging by the way Hartley peered at me, he expected a reaction from me. I settled for wide-eyed surprise. Hartley's lips pursed together, and I realized I'd made a mistake.

"Why do you think they attacked Georg's Apothecary?" asked Hartley in a musing tone.

The question was innocent enough, but a sharpness in his words clued me in. Another test. I kept passing by halves, and Hartley wouldn't be satisfied until I answered with flying colors.

"I—"

And then, my savior appeared.

From somewhere behind me, Dorcas called out, "Marlene! You're going to be late!"

"I got to go," I said, taking a step back. "I'll talk to you soon."

Hartley gave a noncommittal nod. The wary shadow in his dark eyes set my nerves on edge.

I fled. Not obviously, of course. I tried to keep my steps even and measured as I walked away from Marlene's little brother, but I was certain he could see through me. Just as Rosier could.

Herbology was a mess. Not because the plants were difficult. I'd read up on them the night before while wearing the diadem, and I knew how I was supposed to handle them with care and not expose them to light as I transferred them from one pot to another. However, I remained so distracted—running Hartley's words through my mind over and over again, measuring every crease in his brow and downturn of his mouth—that I knocked over one pot and accidentally left one root out too long. Professor Sprout was fuming by the time the lesson was over, and I was glad to escape the dark nursery onto the Hogwarts' grounds.

"Did Hartley say something to you?" asked Dorcas as we left the greenhouses.

I hadn't been fool enough to hope that Marlene's friends wouldn't notice my mistakes, and I'd already prepared my explanation. "We were talking about out ma. Owen's trying to convince her to sell the owlry to Eyelop. It's dangerous for a muggleborn witch in Diagon Alley these days."

"I'm sorry, Marlene," said Lily, reaching out to hold my hand in her own. She gave it a squeeze and then let go. "I'm sure your mum doesn't want to give up her career, and she loves those owls so much. But…of course you'd worry."

"It must be so hard," said Dorcas. "So hard to be muggleborn in these times."

Lily's face darkened. Silence fell over us for a moment, and then, her voice little more than a whisper, Lily said, "McGonagall keeps wanting to discuss apprenticeships with me, telling me of brilliant witches and wizards who would love to teach me more advanced potions-making. And Slughorn has a hundred connections he wants to introduce me to… But I keep thinking to myself—what's the point? Everyone knows I'm a muggleborn. Do they think the Death Eaters won't target me? Do they think I won't have to go into hiding as soon as I graduate Hogwarts?"

"I know," said Mary softly.

"I've already had to cast protections on my parents' house," said Lily. "Petunia was furious when I did it. She wouldn't talk to me for days. But she doesn't understand. She doesn't know how dangerous it is just to be related to me."

"Reggie talks all the time about our future," said Mary. "About his job, about where we could live, about where we could travel. But it's all a dream. As soon as I leave school, I'll spend every moment living in terror that the Death Eaters will find me."

I walked beside them, watching the dull orange light of the setting sun fade. It cast a soft glow around the outline of Hogwarts' castle, illuminating the turrets and towers one last time before the darkness of night engulfed it.

"We will win," said Lily. "I'm certain of it."

Dorcas's black eyes burned with feeling.

Mary looked less certain, but she smiled for her friends.

I said nothing, gave nothing away. Lily was right. They would win, yes, but it would cost them so much. Lily, James, Sirius… But I couldn't focus on that. The McKinnons, I reminded myself. I had to save the McKinnons. I recalled Hartley, his mouth pressed tight as he regarded me with suspicious eyes. But first, I had to get my own family to trust me.

Mary stiffened, her eyes fixed on someone ahead of us. I followed her line of sight to see a figure standing in the shadow of the castle. It took me only half a second to recognize greasy black hair, pimpled face, and hook nose. There was no doubt in any of our minds who Snape was here for.

"Lily…" he said, stepping forward to meet us.

"Snape." Her voice was as icy as her choice to use his surname.

Snape clearly understood that this wasn't going to be as easy as he'd hoped, and his dark eyes flickered in my direction ever so briefly. He was doing this because of me, I realized with a sinking heart, because of what I'd said to him.

"How are you doing, Lily?" asked Snape.

Lily's eyes narrowed. "Fine. Though that has nothing to do with you anymore."

Dorcas and Mary glowered at Snape. Mary had her arms folded across her chest and her small chin raised in stubborn dislike. Dorcas was slightly less obvious about her loathing, but only a fool would miss the coldness in her stare.

I stood by uselessly. I had been the one with this grand plan to reconcile Lily and Snape. I'd been the one who'd planted the idea in Snape's head that a reunion was possible. I'd single-handedly managed to cause this incident, and already I regretted it.

This wasn't how I'd envisioned Lily and Snape's reunion. I'd planned to soften Lily's opinion on Snape. I'd wanted to convince Snape that staying friends with Rosier and the other future Death Eaters wasn't the way to win back Lily's friendship. I thought I'd have time to rebuild their friendship, not have Snape approach Lily out of the blue.

"I wanted to see you," said Snape.

"You see me every day in class." Lily's glare was unwavering.

Snape glanced at me, sharp accusation in his stare, and then slowly he looked over at the identical scowls on Mary and Dorcas's faces. In a low voice, he said, "I thought we could speak in private."

"Not a chance," said Lily. "I don't trust you, and I trust those friends of yours even less."

Snape winced. But he seemed to realize that this was his only chance.

"I-I thought we could be friends again." He stammered out the words. "It's been years, and I-I miss you."

I thought I saw something like pity flash across Lily's face, but it disappeared almost instantly and her expression returned to one of cool indifference. "Are you still hanging out with those friends? The ones who believe people like me should be murdered? Because until you cut them out of your life, I have no interest in even being on speaking terms with you."

"You want me to leave my friends?" asked Snape incredulously. "When you spend every day smiling and laughing with that Potter?"

"James has nothing to do with this," said Lily. "If you don't like my friends, then you're welcome to walk away. I'm not the one wanting to be friends again."

Snape scowled. "You want to leave me friendless? You want me to isolate myself from everyone?"

"You would have had me," said Lily softly. "I would've been your friend." Then, she glanced over her shoulder at us, and I knew that was our signal to go. She couldn't take anymore of Snape's pleading.

Dorcas led the way back up towards the castle, followed first by Mary and then Lily. I came last., dragging my feet, wondering if there was any way I could salvage this situation. Any words I could say, any truth I could twist, any way to make Lily turn around and give Snape one more chance. But I found nothing. This wasn't the way to go about it.

"I know you're worried about me!" cried Snape.

I winced at the thin, desperate note to his voice.

Sure enough, his scorching glare turned on me as I looked back over my shoulder at him.

This wasn't what I had intended. I lifted my chin and gave him a sharp, meaningful stare. Another time. We would talk about this another time.

Then, I looked away and followed Marlene's friends through doors of Hogwarts castle.

"The nerve of him," muttered Dorcas when the doors had closed firmly behind us. "Trying to equate James with his Death Eater friends."

Mary nodded in agreement, while Lily seemed too lost in her thoughts to hear what any of us had to say.

"Maybe he'll change," I said at last.

"You need to stop seeing the best in people," said Mary. "It'll get you into trouble one day."

After that, we didn't mention the incident with Snape. I think Lily was grateful for it. She remained quiet as we made our way to the Great Hall and settled in our seats at the Gryffindor table. The rest of us chattered about meaningless gossip (or rather, Dorcas and Mary did; I added the occasional quip where I could), while Lily remained in solemn silence. We'd try to draw Lily into the conversation, and she'd smile and joke a little with us before sinking back into her thoughts.

It wasn't until James turned up, slid into the seat next to Lily, and started telling a story about an argument between Professor Chen and Professor Roswell that Lily finally started to smile again. She laughed at James's theory about the love-affair going on between the two professors, and soon they began arguing about whether the rumor was true that Professor Slughorn had snogged Professor Vablatsky at the annual Teachers' Yuletide Party.

Sirius whined about receiving detention for hexing Avery in the back of the head, while both Remus and Dorcas agreed that Sirius deserved it. Avery hadn't done anything to provoke him…this time. Peter asked Mary for some love advice involving a sixth year Ravenclaw who I hadn't caught the name of, but I listened in and added my own advice as best I could, trying to be as warm and encouraging as I thought Marlene would be.

As supper came to close, I made yet another excuse about wanting to study alone. Marlene's friends had grown accustomed to it by now, so they simply nodded their heads along with my words. Only James offered some form of protest, saying it'd be better if we all studied together.

"When both you and Sirius are in the room, we never get anything done," pointed out Remus, saving me from having to answer.

I mumbled my apologies and darted out of the Great Hall.

As I passed by the Slytherin table, I felt eyes following me. Against my better judgment, I glanced at the rows of students with serpent badges glimmering on their chests. My first instinct told me it was Rosier, but when I found him among the Death Eater gang, he was reclined in his seat, listening, almost lazily, to what Dovetail said. I frowned. Had I imagined the stare? But then, I caught the flash of two dark eyes, and I saw that Severus Snape watched me with a look of pure loathing.

I shook my head ever so slightly, willing Snape to understand my message. Another time. I could still see the look of pity on Lily's face as she listened to Snape beg for their friendship. It wasn't over. Not yet. It just needed the right timing and right mindset. With one last look at Snape, I hurried out of the Great Hall.

As I made my way through the winding, candle-lit corridors, my head spun in circles. What an eventful Monday it had been. I'd failed to convince Hartley that I was his sister, and Snape had failed to convince Lily they should be friends. Both incidents would no doubt come back to haunt me.

What could I have done differently? Not approach Snape at all, I supposed. But I didn't think all was lost on that front. Perhaps if I could convince Snape that Lily was worth more than his current friends…then maybe they could renew their friendship. That was what Lily had asked of him after all, and that was the path Snape would choose in the end. Maybe, just maybe, I could convince Snape to make that choice sooner. And once he was in my debt, I had someone to help me save the McKinnons.

"Marlene!"

I was almost to the base of the moving staircases when a deep voice called out my name. Yanked from my thoughts, I turned to see a tall boy with honey-brown hair and a thick, white scar running across his left eyebrow. He wore black trousers and a yellow Quidditch jersey that matched the one that hung in Marlene's closet.

"Davey," I greeted him with whatever smile I could manage. In my head, I ran down what I knew of him: Davey Gudgeon. Seventh year. Quidditch Captain. Fancied Marlene.

"Finished practice for the day," said Davey, holding up his broom for me to see. He came to stand in front of me at the base of one of the moving staircases. "Your brother's in fine form. He said you'd been teaching him all summer, and it shows."

I smiled and tried to look proud of the brother I barely knew. "He'll make a good Keeper."

"He might end up better than McManus," said Davey. "If we train him up a bit."

"Yeah." I hoped I looked as though I knew who McManus was. "He's thrilled to be on the team. He's always loved Quidditch."

"But he wanted to play with his big sister." Davey gave me a knowing look.

I sincerely hoped I wasn't going to have to explain, yet again, why I'd chosen to quit the Quidditch team. Thankfully, Davey never voiced the question, so instead, I asked, "Who'd you find to replace me?"

"Emilie Park. Edward's younger sister."

"Any good?"

"She's all right."

"But not as good as me?" I said jokingly.

"Never," said Davey with a grin. "Remember third year when you and I were the youngest on the team?"

I nodded and took a guess as to what to say next. "We were so nervous."

"We survived," said Davey with a wistful smile. "Somehow."

I laughed, and he followed suit. I didn't exactly know what I was supposed to find funny, but it'd felt like an opportune time to laugh.

"It was hard to replace you, you know," said Davey. He glanced down at his grass-stained shoes, as if embarrassed of what he'd just said. Then he looked up at me with a sad smile. "You shouldn't let the war stop you from doing the things you enjoy. In fact, I think those things become more important. Otherwise, this war and all the darkness it brings…I think it'll consume us."

I stared at him and felt something thick and heavy form inside my chest. This poor boy. He must have liked Marlene so much, that he was willing to offer me, a poor imitation, whatever comfort he could.

"Thank you, Davey," I said as gently as possible.

"Any time. I'm always here to listen if you need someone."

"Thank you," I said again. What else was there to say? The girl he fancied was no longer here. The girl he'd played Quidditch with for four years had vanished. I wished I could say something. I wished I could apologize to him, and to Hartley, for taking the place of someone they loved so much. But I couldn't. I had to keep pretending.

"See you tomorrow," said Davey.

"'Night," I murmured as he waved goodbye and headed past me. I watched him go, silently apologizing that I couldn't be the Marlene he remembered.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw the air shimmer. When I turned to look properly, Helena had materialized a couple meters to my right. Her long face was grim as she slowly lifted a finger to her lips.

Helena checked for any students that might have entered the hall behind her. She then raised a hand a pointed down a corridor, indicating that I should head in that direction. The corridor that to some classrooms that were likely empty this time of night. I sent her a questioning glance, but she had vanished again.

I fought back a sigh. It'd been a long day with one disaster after another. I wanted nothing more than to collapse onto my four-poster bed. Unfortunately, I hadn't gotten any studying done with the diadem yesterday, and I needed to make some progress today if I ever wanted to catch up on schoolwork. I didn't need this delay. However, I'd given Helena the task of spying on Severus Snape and Regulus Black. If she had some information regarding them, then this wasn't an opportunity I could afford to pass on.

Trying to keep my footsteps as quiet as possible, I walked down the corridor. It was empty, and a chilly draft filled the hall. I tugged the sleeves of my robes down over my hands, as if the cotton might keep me warm. Helena materialized outside a classroom door, and one finger still pressed to her silvery lips, she cupped a hand around her right ear.

I leaned against the wooden door, hoping that I wouldn't get caught spying on the future Death Eater gang.

"—acting odd since the school year began."

"But it's been worse in this last week."

"Come on, Dorcas, you don't really think she's under the Imperius Curse, do you?"

My head jerked. Not Slytherins at all. These voices belonged to Marlene's friends. And it seemed they were talking about me.

Helena gave a single, grave nod.

"She doesn't remember things," Mary said. "If we talk about things that happened when we were kids or even stuff that happened a month ago, she gets a blank look on her face."

"And she never spends any time with us." This voice sounded like Dorcas. "Every morning and every evening, she disappears to the seventh floor to study."

"But still," said Lily, "who would put the Imperius Curse on Marlene?"

"I wouldn't put anything past those Slytherins," scoffed one of the Marauders. I couldn't tell if it was Sirius or Remus.

"She spends all of Divination with Rosier," said Dorcas. "He could've cast a spell on her during class."

"Any one of them could have done it when she was studying on her own," added Mary. "Hide behind the door of a study room… They could cast the spell before she even knew they were there."

Silence settled among the group. No doubt they found that scene all too easy to imagine.

"Did you ever consider that she's having a hard time with the war?" asked James. "She's been distracted lately, sure, but I think she feels the weight of all the chaos going on around her. How can she not? Deaths and disappearances. Attacks in muggle towns. Death Eaters in Diagon Alley. We should be helping her—not accusing her of being under a curse!"

"And she's been disappearing to study on her own since last year," said Lily. "I don't blame her. It's much easier to study when James and Sirius aren't around."

"She quit the Quidditch team." It was Sirius speaking, I decided. I could pick out his posh accent.

"She quit over the summer," said James. "But you lot think the Imperius Curse was cast two weekends ago. It doesn't match up. She's been distracted since last year, mind. It's just gotten worse recently."

"She could be struggling with depression," said Peter quietly.

"Exactly," said James. "You lot'd rather suspect our friend of being under the Imperius Curse than accept that she's going through hard times. We should help her, not suspect her of being under the control of wannabe Death Eaters."

"These are dark times," hissed Remus. "If she really is under the Imperius Curse, she'd rather we find a way to remove it than insist she's just going through a hard time."

"We're at war," said Dorcas. "We can't afford to believe in our friends like we used to."

"If can't believe in our friends," snapped James, "who can we believe in?"

An icy chill passed through my shoulder, and I looked up to see that Helena had moved her hand through me. She stared down the corridor at two Ravenclaw students approaching. They chatted away to one another and hadn't noticed me yet. It wouldn't be good to be caught with my ear pressed against a classroom door. I quickly stepped away, rummaging through my bookbag so it looked like I had a reason for standing in the middle of the corridor.

As much as I wanted to keep listening, the consequences of getting caught would be high. Under my breath, I asked, "Can you stay, Helena?"

She nodded once before disappearing.

Then, I adjusted the strap of my bookbag and made my way back towards the moving staircases.

It was a long, lonely walk to the Room of Requirement. My hands shook, and I had to curl them into fists to stop them.

The conversation hadn't been a shock, I realized. I'd half expected this from the moment I'd taken over Marlene's body. What surprised me more was that some of her friends had defended her. James… From the books, I remembered Remus once saying that James believed in his friends to a fault. Still, I couldn't fully comprehend James—and Lily—defending me like that, worried that the war had taken such an emotional toll on me. Peter had spoken for me as well. I hoped that meant I'd made some progress in befriending him.

At last, I stood outside the Room of Requirement. I pulled on the brass handle and stepped inside, relieved to be greeted by the same wall of mirrors, the same bookshelf and mahogany desk, the same maroon armchair. At least, the Room was still here.

I went about my usual motions, sitting in the armchair and taking out the diadem-turned-baseball cap. I removed a copy of Standard Book of Spells (Grade 3) from the bookshelves and opened it to where I'd left off. After that, however, my usual routine came to a halt. I remained frozen in the armchair. The baseball cap rested in my hands, my fingers running over the edge of the bill. I could only stare blankly at the words in front of me.

They knew I wasn't Marlene.

They'd suspected for the last week.

All the suspicious glances, the slight frowns, the pursed lips came rushing back to me. The signs had all been there. No doubt Rosier had been able to read them from the back of the classroom, while I'd clutched at the thin hope that maybe I'd managed to deceive Marlene's friends.

What should I do?

Was it time to invent a story? Something that could explain everything away?

I'd considered it before. Lying that I'd been hit by some sort of spell and I'd lost bits of my memory. But the story had felt too contrived. All it'd take was one trip to the Hospital Wing and Madam Pomfrey discovering no spell damage for that story to be blown wide open. I'd thought about staging an accident myself. But one miscast spell might cause me to actually suffer permanent damage to my head or body. There were too many things that could wrong with magic. And now, the lie would feel too convenient. Just as Marlene's friends' suspicions began to grow, I had a story that explained away all of Marlene's strangeness.

What else could I do? Could I possibly come clean about not being Marlene?

They'd think I was a Death Eater. That's what Rosier had thought. I was either a Death Eater trying to spy on Marlene's friends or working for the Order trying to spy on him; he hadn't been sure which. But Marlene friends? They would never consider a member of the Order replacing their friend. Which meant they would think I was a Death Eater.

It was no longer only the threat of St. Mungo's or the Department of Mysteries that hung like a shadow in the back of my mind. The wizarding world was at war, and they wouldn't take chances on me. If I admitted to taking Marlene's place, there was a high chance I'd end up in Azkaban.

A shiver ran down my spine. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them... My grip on the diadem tightened. That wasn't a place I could survive. I knew it in my bones.

No, I had to keep trying. I would never admit it aloud. I was Marlene McKinnon until the end.

"Rosier was right." Helena's deep, sorrowful voice came from somewhere behind me.

"Did they say anything else?" I asked.

"More of the same. Pettigrew, Potter, and Evans insist that you are struggling with the horrors of war, while the others are convinced you have been placed under the Imperius Curse. Black and Lupin wish to report you to the headmaster, while Potter and Evans think they would only be wasting the headmaster's time. They have no course of action yet."

I nodded. "Thanks to James, Lily, and Peter."

They had bought me a little time. No doubt my strangeness would wear down their faith in Marlene, and one day they would cave to their friends' suspicions. But for now, I had their blind trust. I needed to make use of it while I still could.

"I noticed your friends acting in an odd manner after you left the Gryffindor table," explained Helena. "They rose not long after, and I thought to follow them. The younger Black hadn't done much of interest that day. It is a good thing I did follow, is it not?"

"Yeah." I stared down at the baseball cap. I wondered if it would help solve this mess. The diadem granted the power of vast learning, perhaps it would help me learn how to deceive Marlene's friends.

I drummed my fingers on the bill. I already wore the diadem almost every day. There'd been no sign of the horcrux yet, but who knew how long it'd take Voldemort's soul to wriggle its way in. Wearing the diadem a minute more than necessary was a bad idea. But I was desperate…

My eyes fluttered shut. Desperate. It was all a game in the end.

"What will you do?" asked Helena.

I knew what I had to do.

I approached the next day with caution. I didn't know how to act around Marlene's friends. Of course, I couldn't sink back into silence, so I forced myself to speak. At breakfast, I told them about my run in with Davey Gudgeon last night, and Lily had agreed about what a great guy he was. After double Potions, I asked Mary about her boyfriend, and she cheerfully told me that he'd had his future read recently and it'd foretold only good things for him. And during double Charms, I listened to Dorcas gossip about the fight Edward Park and Angelice Codde had supposedly gotten into, and I'd even offered some theories of my own (that Angelice had been flirting with Sirius).

I spent every second of the day on edge, willing people to believe me. I was Marlene McKinnon. My whole body felt drained, and I actually felt relief as I made my way to the North Tower.

When I arrived short minutes before class began, Rosier was already seated at our table, his textbook open and the deck of tarot cards resting on the dark purple tablecloth.

"Had a bad weekend?" he asked.

"You have no idea," I muttered, settling into the chair across from him. "Some mad dobber imprisoned me in a broom closet."

"Really? And why would he do that?"

"Trying to prove a point."

"Did he succeed?"

I didn't answer, because at that moment, Professor Vablatsky swept into the room, looking imperious and all-seeing in her dark red robes. I pulled my textbook out of my bag and listened as the lecture on the Celtic Cross spread began. It brought back memories of being trapped in a body-bind curse with my only source of entertainment being the pages of Rosier's Divination textbook. I'd memorized some passages word for word, and I found myself zoning out in the middle of Vablatsky's lecture.

Instead, my gaze flitted over to the stocky, sharp-eyed boy sitting across from me. His dark hair was, as always, in a perfect combover, and I wanted nothing more than to ruin it. Preferably with a vacuum cleaner.

Then, Rosier's eyes snapped to mine. He had the usual annoying glint in his gaze, but I forced myself to meet his stare. I would not cower from him, no matter how dangerous he seemed. To my relief, it was Rosier who looked away first.

"You may now practice with your partners," Vablatsky's deep voice filled the room. "The Celtic Cross is one of the most difficult and complex spreads to learn. Please do not hesitate to raise your hand if you require my help."

"Do you want to read first?" asked Rosier.

"You can." I took the deck first. My overhand shuffle was practiced and perfect. Before handing the cards back to him, I paused and said, "I have a question I want to ask the cards."

Rosier's left eyebrow quirked up. "Yes?"

I gritted my teeth. I didn't want to ask this question. But what other choice did I have? I was cornered and desperate. Only one path before me where I could see some glimpse of hope. "If I wasn't Marlene, what would I need to know?"

A corner of Rosier's mouth twitched upwards, but other than that, his face remained calm and controlled. He flipped up the ten cards that formed the Celtic Cross spread: four cards in a column on the right, five cards in a plus sign to the left, and a card placed at an angle over the middle.

"The first card," he gestured to the one hidden in the middle, "represents the present."

I couldn't see it fully, but I knew from the images of golden cups resting in the clouds that this was the Seven of Cups.

"McKinnon was a dreamer," said Rosier. "She always liked to imagine what her life would be like. She wanted to be a Healer in St. Mungo's, helping people with illnesses that magic can't heal."

"I am Marlene," I snapped. "Or the deal is off."

"Very well, Marlene," said Rosier, his voice low. "You received an offer of an apprenticeship with the Ward of Non-Magical Maladies this summer, but you turned it down because you didn't feel that was where you were meant to be."

I bit the insides of my cheeks. I had no doubt that Marlene had already decided to switch places with me when she received the offer. Her future had been laid out before her, and yet she'd turned it away because she thought I could save her family. My throat was thick as I asked, "What next?"

"The second card represents the challenge," said Rosier, tapping the card that lay across the Seven of Cups. "What is the immediate problem you struggle with?"

The carefully painted image of a woman in a white dress calmly holding the jaws of lion faced me.

"Strength Reversed," he said. "You seem to be lacking inner strength. You're experiencing a lack of conviction in your own abilities. You can end up withdrawn from society because of these feelings of unhappiness and depression." He glanced up at me. "You certainly seemed withdrawn from your friends last year. Around February, I believe it was. You would insist on studying alone and disappear for hours. I asked you about it once, and you told me that there was still so much you still had to learn."

I said nothing. What was there to say? Marlene had found the diadem and become consumed by the knowledge it gave her access to. I could hardly blame her. Though I wondered how she withstood the nausea.

"The Past," said Rosier, pointing to the third card, the Six of Cups Upright, "which should give some indication as to how this problem came about. The Six of Cups means generosity, naïve happiness, childhood." Rosier gave a small smile. "You do love your family, Marlene. You could talk about them endlessly in a way I could never understand. You told me about how your mum would bring you and your brothers to her owlry in Diagon Alley, and how you would spend hours playing with the birds until your mum gave your older brother a few coins to go buy ice cream for the lot of you. You told me of how your dad would bring all three of you kids up to the hill behind your house, and the four of you would play Quidditch for hours on end. You and Owen against your dad and Hartley. Hartley always made a great Keeper, you told me."

He watched me carefully with every word. I wished I could conjure up feelings of love and longing for family, but all I could do was try to memorize his every word. Briefly, I wondered what Rosier thought of my coldness.

The fourth card represented the future, what was coming in the next couple weeks. The Page of Swords Reversed bore the image of windswept woman with a sword in her hands. Both Rosier and I knew what this meant: trickery, deception, manipulation. Often used carelessly, resulting in harm to herself and others. Rosier had nothing to say about this card, and I was grateful.

"The fifth card," said Rosier, gesturing to the position at the top of the cross, "reflects your goal."

"Death Upright." I stared down at the familiar image of a skeleton knight on a horse.

Rosier nodded. "The end of cycles, new beginnings, change. You believe in everyone, you know. You've been good friends with James Potter ever since third year when you were both young Chasers on your Quidditch teams. Even when he was being the biggest toerag imaginable, I remember you insisting to Evans that he wasn't all bad. You even defended Severus sometimes, saying that he might come around one day. It wasn't until Severus called her a 'mudblood' and Evans decided it was best to end their friendship that you stopped supporting him." Rosier looked over at me through his unfathomable dark eyes. "And you befriended me after we became Divination partners last year, insisting that just because people in my house were bad, it didn't mean I had to be."

I knew most of this. Marlene was forgiving, choosing to see the best in others. That must have been why she'd traded places with me of all people.

Rosier then pointed to the position at the bottom of the cross. The one that represented an even deeper reason, the core of decision-making. "The Four of Wands Upright. Celebration, harmonious, a happy home environment." He nodded once. "Family again, I suppose. That is your motivation for everything, isn't it? You were so excited when you received a letter from your brother last March, announcing that your sister-in-law was pregnant. But you were also so worried. A child born into a world like this. You kept wondering what kind of life your niece would have. I think that's when you started disappearing for longer hours." He touched the Death card with his fingertips again. "You will do anything, change anything, to protect your family, won't you?"

I let out the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. Bits and pieces coming together. Things I knew, things I had suspected, finally piecing together, and the image of Marlene forming before my eyes.

"This one represents advice," said Rosier, pointing to the position at the bottom of the right-hand column. There, on the delicately painted card, was the image of a man in red robes, holding a candle high above his head. "The Magician Reversed. You may be lured in by the showmanship of his arts, but behind that there may be an intention of manipulation and selfish gain."

Rosier watched me as he spoke, but I couldn't take my eyes away from the magician in his red robes. Except of instead of red, I imagined blue and silver.

"Was someone manipulating you, Marlene?" asked Rosier.

I tore my eyes away from the Magician and met Rosier's stare evenly. "Perhaps. What's the next card?"

"External influences," said Rosier. It was a beautifully painted card with a lightning-struck tower and people falling from the windows. "The Tower Reversed. You can sense some crisis looming on the horizon, and you are struggling to avoid its manifestation. What you have not realized is that this crisis can be beneficial in ending your reliance on something that's false. The tower is built on faulty foundations, and it must fall."

Briefly, I wondered if this reading and my reactions told Rosier more about me than I was learning about Marlene. I shook that thought away. It didn't matter how well Rosier could read my facial expressions. He would never guess the truth.

"The ninth card is hopes and fears," I said, not looking down at the table. I knew what the card was. I knew what the crowned man on a throne represented. "Justice Upright."

"One day, you will feel the consequences of your actions," said Rosier. "You will feel pain for those you brought suffering upon, and you will feel joy for those you helped. You were always about helping people, Marlene. In our fifth and sixth years, you, Evans, and Meadowes would get into all sorts of arguments with Edythe and her friends. Never duels like the ones that earned us boys detention, but you lot would stop Edythe from bullying underclassman. It always drove her wild." His mouth twisted into some half smile as if he was enjoying some private joke. Then, without warning, he said, "The tenth card represents where the situation is headed."

We both stared at the last card. The image of a lone man in a black cloak, his head bent as he looked down at five fallen chalices.

"The Five of Cups Reversed," said Rosier. "Acceptance of your past. You are beginning to realize all of the implications of your actions, and you have finally come to appreciate the lessons which can be learned from the experience." He smirked. "Is that why you've finally asked for my help?"

I glowered at him across the table. There was more yet, more things I needed to know. Every shard of knowledge was important. Rosier knew that, and he knew that feeding me only little crumbs at a time would keep me coming back for more.

"What else do you want to know, Marlene?" asked Rosier.

I hated the victorious smile that danced across his face. But I was desperate.