Chapter 23

But, soon or late, the fact grows plain
To all through sorrow's test:
The only folks who give us pain
Are those we love the best.

- Ella Wheeler Wilcox [Life's Scars]

Remus clutched his badly bleeding nose in his hands, hunching forward in pain. Blinking to clear the tears from his eyes, he gently prodded his nose—it was definitely broken. As the sharp pain receded to a dull throb, he became aware of the screaming match that was currently taking place in his kitchen.

"Get out of my way, Rose!" Sirius snarled at his goddaughter who was standing between him and Remus, her wand drawn and pointed threateningly at the man. 'Where was she keeping her wand,' Remus wondered vaguely.

"If you think for one second, I'm going to let you hurt the man I love, you're just as mad as everyone says you are," Rose snapped back, her expression absolutely ferocious. Remus felt equal parts warmth and guilt course through his body at this statement. Her resemblance to Lily Evans was undeniable in this moment, and Remus was unsurprised to find that it incensed Sirius more.

"The man you love—wasn't I just congratulating you on your marriage to the child of Death Eaters a few months ago," Sirius said angrily.

"And which of those situations do you find more disturbing," she drawled mockingly in an unmistakably Malfoy-esque tone of voice.

"I find them both pretty damn disturbing," he rebutted angrily.

"Well, get over it," she sniffed sardonically—as if this settled the matter.

"I will do no such thing," he barked back, his eyes finding Remus' own and leveling a spiteful glare at him. "I want to hear what this coward has to say for himself."

"He's not a—"

"Rose," Remus cut off her tirade gently, placing a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him, the ferocity not gone from her hazel eyes. "We… no, I, owe Sirius an explanation. Do you think you could give us a minute… maybe get dressed?"

Rose's cheeks colored as she was reminded that she was wearing a t-shirt and nothing else. Sirius snorted derisively at this observation, and she leveled a glare at him.

"But Remus—" she protested.

"Please, pet," he insisted firmly, ignoring the sound of disgust that came from Sirius at the endearment. She narrowed her eyes at him, glancing between him and Sirius. Remus could practically feel her annoyance at being dismissed by him.

"Fine," she said with an irritable toss of her hair, heading towards the door. Just before she left the room, Rose glanced back at Remus with a cool expression and leveled her wand at him. "Episkey."

"Son of a—" Remus grunted in pain when his nose snapped unexpectedly back into place. By the time he'd blinked the tears from his eyes, she was gone, and he was left alone with Sirius who was smirking despite himself.

"At least she has some good instincts," he said, before frowning at Remus. "How could you, Moony? That's James and Lily's daughter—little Rosie. You remember her? The girl who used to call you uncle? How can you live with yourself?"

"You're wrong Sirius," Remus said in a measured tone of voice. "That's not the same girl we used to know. That's Roselin Potter Malfoy, and… and I love her."

"Goddammit, Remus," Sirius huffed aggravatedly. "I don't want to hear this."

"I know I will never be able to justify this to you. If James were here, he would have done worse than you did—"

"You're damn right he would have."

"But," Remus pressed. "As Rose has constantly reminded me, James isn't here, and we don't live in a world where she grew up knowing me as a family friend. I'd like to think that if he and Lily could see us now that they'd be glad that there was a little more love in this dark and dismal world."

"Don't try to put a positive spin on this," Sirius replied scathingly. "Weren't you her teacher? Isn't she married? How can the two of you talk about love? You both sound delusional."

"I know. Believe me, I do," Remus said, running his hands through his hair in irritation. "I don't know what this is or what it means for us, but I do know that right now I'm the happiest I've been in thirteen years. And Merlin only knows why, but I make her happy too. Neither of us wanted this to happen, but now that it has, neither of us want it to end."

"Do you even hear yourself? You need to pull yourself together, you're old enough to be her father," Sirius rebutted, and Remus winced at the statement.

"Oh, stop your snarling, pup," Rose snarked, pushing the door open and walking back into the kitchen. Remus looked over the greenish-gray romper she wore suspiciously—he was certain she'd transfigured his t-shirt and had lingered just beyond the door for the entire conversation. Based on the affectionate look she threw his way, he could tell he was forgiven for dismissing her.

"Did she just call me a pup," Sirius asked exasperatedly, his grey eyes following the woman while she sat down at the kitchen table and pulled a plate of bacon towards herself.

"I'll call you whatever I like. You're interrupting our breakfast—if Azkaban hasn't erased all your manners, maybe that will mean something to you," Rose told him, and Remus winced at her dismissive attitude.

"I don't need that kind of lip from you, young lady," Sirius said in his best disapproving fatherly tone of voice. Rose chuckled and bit into a strip of bacon, observing the man through calculating half-lidded eyes.

"After being absent from my life for twelve years, don't act like you suddenly get to tell me what to do… or who I do," she said pointedly. Remus felt a wave of shock move through him at her words and didn't miss the mixture of pain and disgust that flashed across Sirius' face.

"Well…," he said slowly, glancing between her and Remus. "If that's how it is."

Remus winced when Sirius turned and walked through the door, slamming it behind him. Glancing at Rose, Remus gave her a disapproving look, and she raised her eyebrows at him.

"What," she asked defensively.

"Rose, Sirius loves you," he told her.

"How can you defend him after he hit you," Rose protested, staring up into his melancholy blue eyes.

"I deserved it," he said wryly, and Rose narrowed her eyes at him.

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did. Rose, he's your godfather, and he's my best friend. Of course, he was going to react like this," Remus said, and her eyes softened at this statement. "I don't want to lose either of you."

"I… I know. I'm sorry," she said, dropping his gaze. "I'm just afraid he's going to scare you away again."

Taking her chin in his hands, Remus tilted her head to look up at him, his eyes full of reassurance and affection.

"I'm done running," he told her softly. "I promise."

Leaning in, Rose pressed her lips to his in a quick kiss before turning towards the door.

"I'll be right back," she told him before hurrying out of the house.

She wasn't surprised to find that there was no sign of Sirius. Transfiguring into a fox, Rose's vulpine senses quickly picked up the smell of dog, and she wasted no time in following it into the forest. It didn't take her long to catch up to Sirius Black; the large shaggy dog was not walking particularly quickly, and his long tail was drooped gloomily between his legs. Rose ran around to his front and stopped in front of him, looking up at the dog expectantly.

Sirius' dog form looked down at her curiously for a moment, before she saw comprehension flash across his canine eyes. Narrowing his eyes at her, he let out a huff, turned up his nose, and walked right over her. Rose did not move for a long second, stunned at his complete dismissal of her presence before irritation swept over her. Spinning around, she grabbed a tuft of his tail between her teeth and tugged hard, sitting back on her haunches and digging her paws into the dirt. She wasn't really heavy enough to have much of an effect on the black dog, but at least he knew she was there and wasn't going to be ignored so easily.

When he continued to walk, dragging her across the ground, she bit down harder on his tail. In a moment, Sirius had spun around and growled at her. Rose released his tail and dropped onto her belly, her ears flattening back against her head. She let out a soft whine and stared up at him with large innocent eyes.

"Don't look at me like that," Sirius said, finally transforming back into a man. "That hurt."

Rose sat up and cocked her head to the side, one ear flopping over cutely. She saw the barest of grins tug at the corner of his mouth, and Sirius crouched down to look at her more closely.

"So this is your animagus form," he mused. "Your dad… he'd be proud."

Rose—recognizing a winning situation when she saw one—transformed back into a human and flung her arms around his neck. The move had been a calculated one. As a Malfoy, it was second nature to her to use emotional moments to her advantage. But when Sirius' arms went around her, and he drew her close to his chest, Rose was surprised to find a lump rising in her throat. There was something undeniably fatherly about the way he held her. Something that reminded her of the way Lucius had at her wedding, or the much more distant memory of how James Potter held her while reading her a story. Blinking back tears, Rose suddenly realized that she wasn't the only one who was crying.

"I'm so sorry," he said into her ear, and she could feel his body shaking with quiet sobs. "I should have been here for you all these years. I should have been the one to raise you and Harry. James and Lily trusted me to take care of you both after they were gone, and I let them down."

Rose was shocked by this sudden outpouring of grief and regret from the man. Her guilt at the things she'd said to him was suddenly compounded, and she didn't know what to do or say to make things better. And she was conflicted, because she did harbor anger at Sirius for going after Pettigrew rather than searching for her, and she loved the man who had raised her for the past decade in Sirius' place. And more than anything, she didn't want to deal with another person or circumstance trying to keep her and Remus apart. But she also knew that she didn't want to hurt this man who was holding her now—in fact, she thought she'd really like to get to know him better and see what pieces of their relationship could be salvaged.

"You're here now," she said, and felt his arms tighten around her. "It may not be in the way the three of you imagined, but you can still be there for us. Harry still needs you—he still needs a father."

Silence met her words, before he pulled away and looked at her seriously.

"And you, Rose," he asked. "What do you need?"

"I… I'm not sure," she answered honestly. "I'm not the child you remember, Sirius, and I don't need you to treat me like one. I can make my own decisions, and I already have enough people whose approval I'm craving and expectations I'm failing to meet…. But I'd like for us to get to know each other. To start fresh if that makes sense?"

"It does," he answered after a long silence. "But that's not going to be easy for me Rose."

"I know," she said sincerely, and the two exchanged a small smile. "Will you… come back and have breakfast?"

Another silence met this question. Sirius looked over her shoulder back in the direction of the cottage—his face impassive.

"I'd better not," he said finally, and Rose tried to swallow her disappointment. "I need time to… to come to terms with this. If I can. I know you don't need my approval, but that doesn't mean I'm not still angry with him."

Rose nodded, trying not to show her frustration. Really this was more than she could have hoped for.

"I know that our relationship is… a bit of a mess. But I really do love him," she said, meeting Sirius' eyes unflinchingly. Touching her cheek with his rough fingers, Sirius stared right back.

"I can see that. It will take some time for me to decide whether or not he deserves it."