Title: Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds?
Chapter: 4 – Lemon Yellow
Author: Killaurey
Rating: T
Word Count: 5,215
Summary: AU. The night before they're assigned to Genin teams, Sakura wakes up with Ino in her mind—and she can't leave.
Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me. It's Kishimoto's and I just play with it. Part 4 of ? Unbeta'd.
The library looks small at first glance (and on second and third too, because she checks) but as they walk through the shadowed aisles of it, Sakura realizes that it's actually quite large. Not as large as the main shinobi library, but larger than the Academy-level and Genin-level combined. The wood of the shelves is dark, the cushions on the equally dark chairs almost glow in the low light because they're—well, she thinks they might be cream-coloured. It's hard to tell. Maybe a pale yellow? Or egg-shell white? Or a very, very light brown? No matter what the colours are, they stand out as the brightest things in the library, like little ghosts sitting neatly around tables.
Ooh, bad thought, she scolds herself. I don't want to think about ghosts right now.
Because isn't that almost-sort of-not really what Ino is right now?
She shivers.
At least the smell of paper and ink is the same as always. Soothing, comforting, and yes, promising. She's too old now to believe that libraries are impartial bastions of knowledge—every book and scroll written has some sort of agenda reflected onto it by its creator—but the knowledge is there, for her to decide what she wants to do with it, instead of having to also figure out how to deal with people.
To her eyes, there's no obvious sorting system, but Shikamaru moves through the library easily.
Sakura idly wonders if he's been here before or if the Nara organize all their libraries the same way. It seems like a bad idea, given how paranoid everything else about this is, but maybe it makes sense to them.
She doesn't ask.
She doesn't want him to laugh at her, once he's done looking like he's swallowed a lemon. Chouji might answer her seriously but, in the moment, she misses Ino desperately because Ino would tell her without making it obvious she hadn't already known.
Ino had done that a few times even while they'd been rivals. Sakura had noticed, then, but had tried not to dwell on those kindnesses because she'd been trying so hard to be enough on her own. In the here and now, away from the walls of the Academy, Sakura wishes hard for more subtle kindnesses that she need not ask for.
But Ino is sleeping and it's up to Sakura to figure things out for herself.
Her follow up question is also one she doesn't ask and she's glad for it, because she figures it out on her own, realizing that on each table there's a lamp. The Nara don't read in the dark. It had seemed like a silly guess but they're wandering around a library in the near dark… so… like…
"Here," Shikamaru says, stopping by one shelf and plucking two books off of it and handing them to her. "These should help you understand jutsu wards."
"Thanks," she says, a little surprised, but grateful as she hugs the books to her, their weight comforting and familiar. Books have never hurt her.
He gives her a side-eyed sort of look.
"Is there anything else you wanted to look up right now?" Chouji asks.
Sakura looks down at the two books in her arms. She can't read the titles so she's not even sure if these books are actually something that will help her. It's also clear that the boys aren't going to just let her explore the library by herself.
She'll ask Yoshino-san later if she's allowed or if Shikamaru and Chouji are following orders by keeping her from doing her own thing.
And, we'll, they're boys. They probably think they're being helpful. It could be that that's all it is. She'll at least try to give them the benefit of the doubt.
"I'm good for now," she says, smiling faintly. It feels weird on her face but neither Chouji nor Shikamaru look at her like she looks odd. "You mentioned a games room?"
They leave the library with alacrity and Sakura thinks that, no, maybe it wasn't they were being helpful for her sake—it was so they could leave the library as quickly as possible. Boys.
She rolls her eyes behind their backs and wishes Ino was awake to roll her eyes too.
But sleeping in the back of my head is better than being dead.
Barely. Maybe?
If Ino wasn't in her head, Sakura's life would be going on like normal. Except that then Ino would be dead and there would be nothing normal about that. It really is a ridiculous non-choice and the only thing, Sakura decides, that would make her happy, is to have had none of this happen at all.
But this isn't a dream. She can't even pretend. It's gone on too long and there's no way she'd have come up with this.
The games room is almost impossibly bright after the darkness of the library and Sakura blinks her suddenly watering eyes against the light, pausing in the doorway until she adjusts. Shikamaru doesn't seem to have any problems, though she's glad that Chouji pauses at the door as well.
It's a much smaller room than the library. There's a couple of comfortable, old-looking couches, and a television with a games system. The controllers are tangled on the floor. There's a few shelves—which when she looks closer have comics on them, and a few easy-reading books, in addition to board games.
There's a few tables with chairs scattered around them and against the far wall is a bank of cabinets with their doors closed. Shikamaru heads straight for those while Chouji drifts over to the television.
Since Sakura doesn't really have a preference, she follows Chouji, mostly because he's less irritating than Shikamaru.
"We can't actually watch television here," Chouji says. "There's no signal. But we can play games and watch movies."
Sakura nods slightly, not particularly surprised.
"I've never really played video games," she admits. "We don't have a system at home. My parents don't see the point to it."
Truthfully, her parents don't see the point to a lot of things her peers consider fun. Or ninja things. Sakura doesn't share that with Chouji, though, since they might be stuck with each other but they're basically strangers for all that they were in the same class at the Academy.
"What kind of games can you play?" she asks, instead, so that they don't have to talk about her family.
She wants her boring, unfun, civilian parents a lot right now. Her dad would make tea while her mom would hug her close and go on a tirade about how incredibly, horribly rude it was to kidnap their daughter.
Once she was done her tea, they'd tuck her into bed like she was younger, like she hadn't graduated at all, and one of them, probably her dad, would stay with her, reading poetry to her, until she fell asleep.
Sakura would be safe and loved and surrounded by familiar things. Her things.
She realizes she's missed Chouji's response. "Sorry," she says. "What did you say?"
He looks at her for a long moment, his gaze as thoughtful as Shikamaru's, though not as biting. "Did you want to try one?" he says, once he's looked his fill. "We've got some puzzle games you might like."
She blinks at him. "You play puzzle games?"
"Sometimes," Chouji says, taking a seat on the floor and rummaging through the games before he finds one he deems acceptable. "We've got fighting games too."
Sakura makes a bit of a face at that. "Why would you want to fight in a game after training to be a ninja all day?"
She does take a seat, though, and promises herself that she'll give whatever game Chouji's picked a shot-after all, once she's done here, she already knows that she'll be roped into playing Go. Shikamaru is already setting up the board and carefully looking like he's not listening. Jerk. She'd do the same in his shoes but even still.
Trying to be reasonable when she doesn't want to be is super hard.
"Because it's fun," Chouji says, though there's a glimmer of amusement in his expression. "But Ino would agree with you."
"She's the only one of you that has sense," Sakura declares, which makes Shikamaru snort. She waits for a snappy retort before realizing that he's amused. And so is Chouji.
Sakura frowns a little, leaning back against the couch and feeling put-out. Yoshino-san had said that the boys were Ino's friends but she doesn't see why Ino would want to be friends with them if they don't take her seriously.
If she and Ino had been getting along better before all of this, she'd probably be mad. Instead, she's just confused. Who are Shikamaru and Chouji to Ino anyway? Is it all Clan stuff and nothing else that ties them together?
"Earth to Haruno," Shikamaru says, having come over and now is poking her shoulder. He frowns. "You went inside your head again."
She had and it's rude and she's not sure what's wrong with her, except that she can't keep her focus. She blinks at him. "What?"
"You went inside your head again," he repeats. Up close, his frown is deeply alarming, as is the concern in his eyes. Sakura doesn't fool herself into thinking it's concern for her. It's probably all about Ino. Everything is right now.
Which would seem more unfair, even in her pettiest of thoughts, if Ino wasn't dead. She can't stop thinking about it, poking at the fact like a tooth that's come loose.
Loose teeth have never been so very isolating and scary.
"Are you feeling alright?" Shikamaru asks.
Chouji is watching them both.
"Yes?" she says, though it comes out sounding like a question. Sakura shakes her head. "I mean, given everything…"
He doesn't look satisfied and Chouji opens his mouth like he wants to intervene but, after a moment, he closes it again and doesn't.
"Not emotionally," Shikamaru says, very carefully. "Physically."
Sakura edges a few inches away from him. The couch against her back is a reassuring, comforting weight. Once she's a little further from him, with a small space of her own to breathe in, she frowns at his question and considers it.
There's the usual aches and training bruises (coupled with the bruises gained from passing the taijutsu exam by the skin of her teeth; she is well aware taijutsu is her worst skill) and her shoulders are a bit tight, probably due to stress, which… well. Yeah. Her stomach is doing okay, which is usually where the worse of her anxiety lands.
Her head doesn't ache, exactly, now that she's thinking about it, but…
"My head feels a bit… over-stuffed?" she ventures. "Other than that, everything's normal?"
Sakura can't claim to be without pain, since that would be a lie, so 'normal' is the best she can do.
"Over-stuffed?" Shikamaru repeats, like she's given the wrong answer on a quiz.
Chouji, on the other hand, nods slightly, looking relieved. "Then that's nothing to worry about," he says, which makes Shikamaru turn to look at him. "You've gone from just you in your head to having you and Ino in there. That's probably why you're losing focus so easily—your brain is trying to adjust to the change."
"I don't like it," Shikamaru says.
Neither does Sakura.
Chouji looks a little exasperated at their skepticism. "I mean, it just makes sense, doesn't it? And we can check with your mom later, Shikamaru. Maybe at dinner."
With a grunt that Sakura supposes is his assent, Shikamaru nods slightly, then slants his gaze back to her. "If anything changes, let us know," he says.
"I'm fine," she says, a little nettled. Seeing the way their expressions pinch in at her words, Sakura heaves a deeply put-upon sigh and adds, "But I'll let you know."
Then, because she really doesn't want to think about why her head is over-stuffed (and yet, paradoxically, can't stop thinking about it), she asks, "Am I allowed to join you guys for dinner?"
"Mom hasn't said anything about you not being welcome," Shikamaru says, with a shrug. "So as long as you feel up to it," and unspoken is the fact that if she's not up to it, she'd better be telling them, "I don't see why you wouldn't be welcome."
She hesitates and then says, "What if the adults want to talk about… everything… going on?"
"Then they'll do it after dinner," Chouji says calmly. "If we're given dessert and told to make ourselves scarce then that's why." He hesitates then before asking: "Does that bother you?"
It bothers her a lot. It's so deeply, incredibly, completely unfair. She's not a baby. She ought to have some input on her life instead of this high-handed—
Everything.
"Yes," she says simply. "I know I don't know everything they do but I also don't see why I can't have some say into what's going on. They're all, you're all," she amends, "looking after Ino. I get that. I really, really do. But that means the only one looking after me… is, well, me."
The silence that follows that is deeply uncomfortable for her. She hopes it's as awkward and ugly for them. Sakura looks down at her hands, in her lap, and tries not to dwell on the unfamiliar clothing.
"And then your mom says that I'm not even a shinobi yet, but I graduated the exam."
Shikamaru heaves a sigh and takes a seat on the couch. He doesn't sit close enough to be touching her but, when she looks, he's maybe a foot away. She decides that, since they're sharing the couch, that's an allowable level of closeness.
"Do you want me to explain?" Chouji asks. When Sakura peeks up, though, he's looking at Shikamaru.
From where she's sitting, with him on the couch and her leaning against it, she can't see his face without turning around. She doesn't bother.
He must nod or do something in the negative because Chouji looks a little relieved.
"Okay," Shikamaru says, after another moment of silence, this time a thinking one. "So, this isn't something that's usually told to first generation shinobi. I can't remember when or how old I was when I learned it. Essentially, the Academy exam is the first half of the graduation exam."
Sakura blinks. Then she does turn around to look at him. "What?! Then what's the second half? Why do they give us our hitae-ite? Why isn't this mentioned before? Or in any of the guides to graduating—"
"There's guides to graduating?" Chouji interrupts curiously. He sounds so mild that Sakura can't bring herself to snap at him for being rude.
"Yes," she says, a little stiffly, because the guides were in the Academy library for any aspiring shinobi to read and clearly, he'd never even bothered to look. "They have practice exams and break down the things you really need to make sure you've mastered before the real thing. But that's not important right now."
And she looks expectantly back at Shikamaru. She can't read his expression, other than it's thoughtful.
"They give us our hitae-ite because we're all together. It's easier than trying to track down those who pass the second half, and it means that, if they do, their sensei can start them on missions and training right away, without having to do additional paperwork." He sounds like he's musing his way through something he's never had to think about before.
Ugh. Clans.
"Our assigned Jounin-sensei run the second part of the exam." He pauses there and Sakura barely has a chance to wonder at why before he continues with, "No two Jounin-sensei given exams are alike, because they're not testing for skill or knowledge so the sensei can run the exam as suits their own personality, knowledge, and experience."
She ponders that. It does make sense that they wouldn't be re-testing what the Academy had just run them through their paces for, she supposes, but... "Then what are they testing for? Our reactions? How we handle the unexpected?"
Shikamaru looks startled.
"That's very close," Chouji says. "Most of the tests do simulate a mission scenario. Getting to a certain point while avoiding or getting past obstacles, retrieving something hidden or that the sensei is guarding. That sort of thing is usually how the second test goes, though the particulars are never the same."
"The important thing they're looking for is how the team works together," Shikamaru explains, picking up the conversation when Chouji paused. "Because that's the big difference from the Academy: you can no longer be concerned about just yourself. Your grades, your skills, your weaknesses. You're part of a team once you graduate, so you need to work like one."
"Oh!" Her eyes go round. "And that means you have to take into consideration everything you know about your teammates. Their strengths and... weaknesses..."
Would she have had anything to bring to the table in that situation?
Both Chouji and Shikamaru nod.
"It's also why we're not worried about passing," Chouji adds. "It's in our Clan Charters and our agreements with Konoha that, if a Yamanaka, Akimichi, and Nara graduate at the same time then they'll be on the same team. Our teamwork is our strongest asset."
She doesn't say 'but Ino is dead' or point out that they're trapped in here with her because she's thought of a more important question than reiterating what they all know:
"Then... what happens to those who fail the teamwork exam?"
"They go back to the Academy," Shikamaru says. "Remember? Uzumaki is notable for failing the Academy portion of the exam several times over but most first-time graduates wind up back at the Academy for failure to thrive in a team scenario."
Sakura frowns. "But, of course, most of them are going to fail when they're not told."
"That's why it's not a failure from the Academy," Chouji says. "It just means that… they're not ready to become Genin and work in a team. If a graduate can't think of that themselves then they're not ready. So, they go back to their Academy classes until they try again. If you can pass the Academy exam, then you're expected to think for yourself and be able to analyze the situation you're in. In the eyes of the village, you're an adult once you've got your hitae-ite."
"And adults have to be able to work together, even if they don't like each other or they've never done so before. Even if they haven't been explicitly told to do so." Shikamaru dusts his hands off. "Questions? Or… Go?"
It's clear which one he'd prefer.
"Actually," Sakura says, feeling a bit faint all of a sudden. "I think I'd like to lie down for a while."
This alarms both of them though they willingly lead her back to her room. Chouji carries her books and Shikamaru gets the door. Sakura barely notices when they leave, the books being left on her vanity, as she crawls back under the covers.
As she falls asleep, she hears them arguing in low voices about if they should get an adult. She doesn't hear what they settle upon doing.
Sakura wakes from her nap feeling… not better, exactly, but less immediately overwhelmed. She doesn't need to check that Ino is still sleeping, it's the first thing she registers, before she even opens her eyes.
Wake up, Ino-pig, she thinks, but there's no heat in it.
She stretches and gets out of bed to straighten her hair out (it's tangled terribly with her headband) and, as she does so, Sakura sees the paper and pens that Yoshino-san must have left on her desk while she was sleeping.
She remembered! And she was still letting her write to her parents! That, more than anything, makes Sakura feel a little better, less isolated. Quickly, Sakura fixes her hair and abandons the vanity for the desk, taking a seat and reaching for a pen.
Then she pauses. Hm. All of this-
They're going to have a cow! Possibly several. Possibly an entire farm's worth of them.
A knock on the door distracts her from mulling over how to explain all of this to her civilian parents.
Sakura has her own mixed feelings about everything but, at the same time, she's well aware of how deeply weird shinobi clans are and… well… she's not from an ancient clan or anything but she's no longer exactly in the civilian world either.
"Come in!"
Anyone would be a welcome distraction from trying to explain that, yes, absolutely, it was incredibly high-handed of the three Clans involved in this mess to just up and kidnap her and up-end her whole life and hold her hostage.
At the same time, Sakura understands they are doing it to protect Ino.
(And maybe her, but she doesn't really believe that, aside from where Ino is concerned.)
Chouji pokes his head in. "Dinner's ready, if you're feeling up to it?" he says hopefully.
"Yeah, sure!" she says, partly because she's hungry, now that he's mentioned it, and also because… she no longer knows what to say to her parents. Mostly she just wants a hug, to be fussed over, and to be tucked in like she really is a civilian child again.
But she's not going to get those things. Not even if she puts it all down on paper.
She does get the open relief that spills over Chouji's face at her assent though and that's… it's not a lot, but it is something.
"How are you feeling?" he asks, as she shuts the door behind her and he leads her down the stairs, then down the stairs again. "You went down pretty fast."
"A little better," she says. Her head still feels heavy if she thinks about it, though, so she doesn't. "Did you guys have someone look in on me? I heard you talking before I fell asleep."
"Yoshino-san stopped by," to which Sakura nods, having guessed that already, though she likes that Chouji tells her about it, "and a couple of the Yamanaka cousins checked that nothing was wrong. It was just… it's like when you get a fever, when your body is fighting something off. Having another person in your head is a lot to adjust to, from what they say."
He laughs a little, the sound embarrassed. "Which I guess you'd know better than me."
Feeling charitable Sakura says, "Maybe, but you've got the Clan knowledge to explain it all to me. Am I going to just… fall asleep like that from now on?"
The first-floor halls are as shadowed as the rest of the building. Nothing is poorly lit, exactly, but somehow the light falls in such a way that there's shadows everywhere.
A defense mechanism? she wonders. I think Ino mentioned something about the Nara bloodline involving shadows once. And that lines up with what I've heard around the village.
Which isn't a lot, admittedly, but it's not nothing either.
If Chouji notices her preoccupation, he doesn't mention it. "Until your mind adjusts," Chouji says. "The Yamanaka say it won't be for forever, but they won't know how long it'll take until Ino wakes up. Her being asleep changes the mental-load a bit? To be honest, I didn't really follow what they were talking about, but it sounds like it won't take too long for you to be okay as two-in-one."
"What if I don't want to be two-in-one?" she asks, then regrets it the moment the words are out. "No, never mind, I know this isn't what anyone wanted. I just…"
She wants to go home. She wants to go and see if she can graduate completely. She wants to go and ask Iruka-sensei if what Shikamaru and Chouji said about the second half of the graduation exam is true. (It probably is, since Yoshino-san told her to ask them, but Sakura wants to do her due diligence and possibly lodge a complaint because it's really totally unfair that no one tells them about it, even though she can also see the merit of having them be forced to use their own minds…)
"You'll feel better after some food," Chouji says bracingly.
Luckily, she's spared from having to answer that, by them reaching the dining room. It's a lighter place than most of the rest of the house, and she's comforted, deeply, by the fact that there's flowers in a vase on the table and an actual overhead light, that's on. The kitchen is separated from the dining room by a half wall—she can see the fridge and stove, but you'd have to go around the wall (which doubles as an island).
Shikamaru is setting the table under his mother's direction. It's just the four of them.
"The others will be eating later," Yoshino-san says, in response to Sakura's unspoken question. "They'll join us for future meals, as per their schedules allowing, but for tonight, I thought it best to keep it small."
"Shikaku-san's not here?" Chouji asks.
"He's out doing something," Shikamaru says. "Mom won't tell me what."
"You don't need to know."
"Yes, Mom," Shikamaru sighs, and though he still looks disgruntled, he doesn't press the issue further.
They take their seats and, for a little bit, it's quiet as they eat. Sakura takes comfort in that (and in the fact that Shikamaru's mother is a really good cook) even though she'd never thought she'd be eating meals with these people, in this place, at this time.
Her wildest dreams hadn't ever considered something like this.
What she'd told Shikamaru had been true. Before this, she hadn't really thought much of them. Not in a negative way, just… they'd existed and that was fine but it had nothing to do with her.
Now it did.
"Starting tomorrow, Shikamaru, Chouji, you've both got training. Chouji, your father has approved your regimen. Clan training will be with Guremu, every second day. Shikamaru, your Clan training will be with Chikara. The rest of the time, both of you will be with me."
"With you?!" Shikamaru says, sounding horrified.
Yoshino-san doesn't seem offended by that. "Mmhm. So, no slacking off," and she says it like it's a threat.
From Shikamaru's shudder, maybe it is. Chouji just nods.
"Sakura-chan, until Ino-chan wakes up and we can properly have both of your conditions evaluated, you won't be doing physical training or chakra work. That being said, the boys mentioned you like reading. We've set up a study regime for you."
Sakura blinks, a little startled. "Oh, um, thanks?"
Yoshino-san nods and then briskly continues with, "I expect you to get your assignments done on time but if you need help, ask for it. The books here aren't really geared for someone coming at them from a Clanless perspective. Chouji and Shikamaru will be joining you in the mornings for a couple of hours each day. The evenings will be your own."
"What about… what about chores?" Sakura asks, thinking about the pile of dishes this meal alone is going to leave. "Can I help with those?"
A good guest never leaves a mess behind them. Her mother had drilled that into her.
"Are you asking for chores?" Chouji says, sounding a little appalled.
Shikamaru grunts something that sounds an awful lot like 'girls'. Then he flinches away from the look his mother gives him.
"Just for that, you two are doing the dishes. Wash, dry, and put away," Yoshino-san says, then she turns a warmer look on Sakura. "We don't want you doing anything too strenuous right now, Sakura-chan, but I don't see why you can't help with sweeping the floors and dusting. And all of you will be expected to keep your rooms clean."
"Yes, Yoshino-san," Sakura says, since that's really just… common sense, isn't it? She's not going to leave a mess where she's living.
"Good girl," Yoshino-san says. "Once Ino-chan's awake, we'll re-evaluate and see if we can't get you into proper training. No good kunoichi was ever made by bookwork alone."
Ino has said similar things to her before and it never fails to make Sakura wishful that bookwork alone would do such a thing. She's always been good at bookwork. If she doesn't understand something, she just has to reread and possibly source another way of explaining it, and then it's all good.
The physical part of being a kunoichi… she's always struggled with. She scraped through that part of the exam by the skin of her teeth and she knows it.
"Is training right now really that bad for me?" Sakura asks tentatively.
Yoshino-san wiggles one hand back and forth. "It's less that it's bad for you and more that we don't want you going down as quickly as you did this afternoon. It's one thing to do that while watching television or reading a book. It's another thing to do that with a kunai in hand."
Or a knife, Sakura realizes, which must be why she's pointedly been excluded from doing even something as simple as washing and drying the dishes. A broken plate could injure her badly if she fell wrong on it.
"Oh." Sakura mulls over that and the uneasy feeling it leaves her with. It's like her stomach is full of butterflies that are throwing up. Gross. "That makes sense."
"Now that that's settled," Yoshino-san says, in a tone of voice that clearly says she'll brook no argument about it being not settled, "let's move on."
What follows next really has very little to do with her, though she watches and listens with growing bewilderment as Yoshino-san quizzes both Shikamaru and Chouji over what they've learned today. Apparently, they'd had homework to do while she'd been sleeping.
Equally as apparent is the fact that they'd done their reading, though Yoshino-san gets impatient with Shikamaru skipping the intermediate steps in his explanation and Chouji's comprehension of the finer details is a bit shaky.
And she has no idea what they're talking about. She only understands their weaknesses from what Yoshino-san reiterates to them.
Neither of the boys seem unused to this, though, so she wonders if this is something that all Clans do? Pop quizzes over food instead of talking about television and books and music? She listens carefully though she hopes that Yoshino-san won't ask her any questions.
Yoshino-san has a sharp tongue to her, when she's unimpressed with the answers. Sakura doesn't want to fail when she doesn't have a hope in hell of passing.
It's unfair.
By the time the pop quiz is done both Shikamaru and Chouji look tired. Sakura feels tired just having listened to it all and more than a little intimidated that Yoshino-san is going to be quizzing her once her study regime starts.
Once dinner is over, true to her word, the boys are made to do dishes. Sakura is shooed off to go relax and she finds herself in the games room, all alone, feeling drained.
She sits down on the couch, telling herself that she'll get up in just a minute to do something, and falls asleep before she finds the energy to actually do so.