(¯ˆ·.¸(¯ˆ·.¸ (¯ˆ·.¸(¯ˆ·.¸ —The desk of HQ, first day back…— ¸.·ˆ¯)¸.·ˆ¯)¸.·ˆ¯)¸.·ˆ¯)
To see the rookie rush in stomps, smacking his head and spitting quite the streak, she could only wonder why she wasted such precious days off.
Quiet sips of ground coffee as he, eyes like golf balls, would declare himself present; device to clock him at three past nine. Yet another reminder of pasts she'd sooner forget, these unpunctual patterns, to shoot him a stare that could erode an entire canyon.
Hermes to share her ire too, once he stopped checking paperwork: "Mayfield, mon… Twenty steps to work and yuh show up like that, and late? What's 'de matter with yuh?"
"Crap sleep, hoped to play catch-up, noise to realise I couldn't. Why nobody took ten seconds to—"
"We aren't yuh mama and papa, got it? Be an adult and be on time tomorrow, or else be fired."
Anxious eye against a scowl darker than Barbadian skin, somehow, and silent relief that any fuming mutters were cut off by the chief, hoverchair to barrel in and settle. Grumbles 'round the table to grow, for much the same reason, only to earn a contemptuous handwave.
"Yes, yes, morning to you all. Now, before our usual day of bankrolling into black holes, let us welcome our latest crewman, ehhh…" Raised a finger, only to concede offside: "Hermes, who did we hire this time?"
"The fat mon across me, and not just of belly either."
"Could've sworn I—oh who cares? Given the ladies to lead him, be surprised if he lasts the day."
"Oi, I'm right here, ya raisin-headed fruitcake."
Pursed lips and eye to shut tight, imagining what else she had to do to straighten him, as Hermes sighed and clicked on the big screen.
"May not even make it 'till 'den… Okay people, we all listening? Then before stinkbug brings up my breakfast, let's get going on our twelve-point agenda."
Her strict attention paid as they'd highlight the lowlights; stock levels at absolute bottoms, customer displeasure at their absolute peak, crew deaths growing month by month, average deliveries to suffer a four-fold drop… And that'd be just the warm-up.
"Let's be on the level, for a little bit… Despite significant consumption drops, it's been another terrible year by every metric. We're still bleeding cash and bad; barring a drastic change in fortune, next month's bills WILL bankrupt us."
"Greeaat, just bloody peachy!" she heard Mayfield complain. "Real nice to hear this AFTER getting thrown into it."
"Then pack it in and be a paperboy! We've no time for whiners here; yuh want our ears, put yuh money down."
"Trust me of course to remain on the training wheels… Half a grand, what can you cut me?"
"Ten thousand shares here and now, but I swear, yuh be better off buying toilet paper before—"
Would hide a smirk while Farnsworth began glaring holes, not that the kid was swayed: "Hey, better the chance of turning crap into gold, than to think I crap gold. So get to selling and get on with it."
For hearing mad laughs as final dollars were traded, she'd be left snarling in quiet as certain blanks came to make sense. Such portfolios to ring a somewhat familiar bell, yet wasn't too sure on why as, at about a quarter to ten, their conference came to an end.
Hadn't had the time to dwell either once Hermes tore off toward the lift, sucking big gulps of air before beckoning Captain and crew over. Kid's first chapter of induction, for taking seats in his office upon invitation.
"Mon, much as my job makes me whole, even I'd have never bothered to file your forms… That your Captain would call ahead and insist, I'd call myself lucky."
"Puh, given how I spoke, who I've become, and ESPECIALLY what I've done… Be the only one between us."
An admonishing glare to go unnoticed, as Hermes rose to search through shelves above his desk. Kid to look about and marvel, as she'd do on occasion, at that masterful order and tidiness; thick volume handed over to almost launch him into the ceiling, and cause a complete upset.
"Good grief, I didn't know you kept the city's tax code on file."
"That'd be a good guess,"—she'd raise a finger—"except that's our logo front and centre. All our policies and fine print, colour-coded and sectioned, as only a devoted bureaucrat can deal with. Only other to outrank me, and it's pretty obvious why."
"My oath Rasta dude, can respect efforts like yours… But why bother, when nobody else really does?"
"Hey, not my bidness if yuh stay ignorant. To tell the truth, we'd prefer it if yuh did."
Easy fill-ins and formalities soon after; even to silently cast doubt over dates of birth, she'd watch her new Cargo Transport Officer scrawl his signature, and be snapped for quick photos. Ones he'd mistake for mugshots, as Hermes' customary hand of welcome would come next.
"Alright Officer… Time to see what stuff you're made of."
"Uhhh, 'scuse me?"
Tried to keep tight-lipped as Hermes would wrench his wrist, 'complete' their interview by way of implanting his career chip. By no means a pleasant feeling, that deep stab direct into one's palm, but she'd hear nobody to erupt as he'd do then.
"YEEEOOOWWW! Dammit, you son-of-a—"
"Mr. Conrad to you… Don't make me guarantee that wherever you go next makes it really hurt."
"Umm, I'll escort him out. Still got his physical to get sorted."
For having the same over constant denials of personal leave, she'd know his next look anywhere. Similar eruptions—not that she'd reveal that revelation—to already tear one office asunder, as she uttered excuses of Captain's checks for going early.
Leave him inside, let him draw his own conclusions. Cover her bets in context, least, she could hope.
It'd be after ten when everything would satisfy her standards; off the bridge she'd descend only to spot her Officer gibbering, glancing in panic for a place to hide. Only Amy's performance to give him pause, one of notable impression, as she'd buff Bessie out, recalibrate the engines, and prove structural integrity in near-record time.
"Be worth a better listen… If even she can't soften him, I don't think anyone can."
From a distance, would witness him spin for being caught staring, Amy's puzzled gaze in going to greet him, and neither to notice that greasy black slick until too late. A quick scream over being collected, and a landing that'd leave her AND the rookie cringing.
"Need a hand, lass? That hurt just watching."
"Of all gags I gotta suffer… Many thanks, so you're our latest sacrificial lamb? Fresh meat?"
"Guess so, if all that agenda talk meant anything. Yay for me."
"Bad luck big fella, but those are the facts. Lately, there's a reason Captain lets first impressions last… Often, they've BEEN her last."
"Great, as if any odds of being amicable weren't long enough. Still, could be fallen for to conquer them."
A giggle to spill: "Nice try but I'm taken, and no way do I care to change that."
"Hey, ain't crow enough to steal anyone's lunch. So, who's the hand to meet mine?"
"Miss Amy Wong's the name. Not only your co-pilot, but also an engineer, and PhD in waiting."
"Thomas Mayfield, mostly last, rarely first. Gig drifter who drinks among flies, the bottom of the barrel made human… But still a Bachelor nonetheless."
"Well, can't judge what's your fault or wasn't, but now, you'd better buck up and stop bitching. Owning stakes won't save you, and it only takes one mistake."
"Sure learnt that lesson more than I'd like… So what's your story, how'd you get to be so capable?"
"The short of it? Began working here early, real early; figured after six years, I'd intern under Farnsworth, hoping to be called Doctor by the time I could drive. Didn't turn out that way, and I doubt it ever will."
"Wait, so you've wasted half your life under THAT worthless old wart? Why in the hell—"
"Fluh, no such thing with a good Captain and crew as company. And before you go throwing names around, go check yourself in the mirror."
"You think I never did? I have stories I've kept secret for so many reasons; don't ever tell me I can't speak from knowing, thanks."
Stood them straight and quick, to close in and thunder a clap for hearing enough. Hearts to go miles a minute, but business had to be done.
"Sorry to spoil the speed dating ladies, but Mayfield and I have some official things to handle. If you'll follow me?"
Loud gurgles to leave her looking cross: "Mmmpph, ooh… Mind if I get meself a quick brekky, Leela?"
"Captain or ma'am! And you didn't think of that while lying on the couch? Move your ass."
Would level breaths against any sulky backchat, but her nostrils would betray steam once he'd open his new locker.
"Not even this, what a surprise… Is the Professor right? Are you all phonies? One stinkin' break, it's all I axe for! And after what I've let you—"
"What's crawled up yours now, Captain?"
"You mean aside from losing this prime real estate, to you of all people?" she'd fist her hips.
"Suuurrre, stupid lockers are real estate now… Screw your apartment, I'll sleep like a—"
"Save it, wise guy. I've enough to twist my sisters as is."
Beliefs of hearing snarky remarks again to think she'd tear out his neck, Sicily-8 style; camera in the corner to settle for glares instead. Keypads for combination codes to get punched in, and he to share a story she couldn't care for until the PA system blared to life. The four Cs of HQ—CEO, Captain, crew and colleague—to soon gather beneath old Bessie, with only the first in high spirits.
"Good news everyone! I persuaded a hotel chain owner on Stumbos-4 to give us another chance. As such, you'll be delivering these fresh bedding crates on their behalf; pleasant reminder that gravity's so high there, your own hair will crush you… Enjoy!"
Snickers and smug waves to roll eye for, and those curdling guts of Mayfield's to really make her sigh. Compared to her and Amy, he to carry a significant advantage, yet he'd remain exactly where he stood despite repeated calls to action.
"Yo, we haven't all century rookie! Now quit lookin' to hide and get those crates on deck!"
Head smacks and gritted screams to himself, to consider intervening—decided against it to believe he was only plying for attention. Typical status checks to do—none better to click buttons and flick switches—only to remain grounded over the obvious culprit's delay.
"Kid, you're really tempting me to fire a torpedo outta my ship… I'd suggest you siddown and buckle up, before I do."
All automatic seatbelts clicked in, and she to join in on Amy's countdown. Any shouts and desperate scrambles to go unheard, before her reverse lightning bolt would rip them backwards, race them past the horizon.
"Course I'd give another jackass a chance… Hope he's got his will written down."
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Upon reaching the stars and settling in, she came to realise this wouldn't be as routine a ride as imagined.
For starters, would notice the newbie shuffling forward, eyes shut tight with every grip for grim death on anything in reach. Every so-called vision of grandeur to get as Head Pilot, yet the very same to leave his soul and body at their complete mercy.
"Auto-Pilot, activate… And take the scenic route for a while."
Palms to tremble over his mouth, knuckles to begin chewing off the bone, knees to buckle and almost collapse—and only over stars, planets and moons, comets, or the occasional black hole. Odd encounters too to snatch his breath, prompt a hand wave or three.
"Can quit the act kid, like you've never had this kind of Monday morning."
Sudden skin itches when he'd hurriedly excuse himself, and teeth on edge to have done so without permission; nothing made of it for flights to continue as normal, until a near-primal roar would emerge from below deck, thumps of metal following moments after.
"Oh lovely, idiotic invader on deck… Ms. Wong, you're up to investigate." She to unsheathe a pistol, and toss it over. "Any problems, you've my approval to use lethal force, liberal if necessary. Can I count on you?"
"Of course ma'am, be back soon."
One minute, then three, then five, to rise out the Captain's seat ready to sort the situation herself. Was being stopped on second deck, without any evidence of struggles nor shots fired, to get her crossing arms.
"Well, have you silenced our problem yet, or did you forget how to take the safety off again?"
"Spleesh ma'am, lucky I don't shoot early… Just the rookie crying his eyes out, that's all."
"For God's sake, what's his problem now? And why are you standing here scratching your temple?"
"Crazy as it sounds, I don't think he had one. Either way, hadn't a clue what to say or do."
Curiosities sparked to send Amy back and descend to the Cargo Bay; sure enough, Officer to find seated against her crates, his eyes glistening skyward. Quiet as boots could manage, she'd sneak toward until she could make out his mumbles, mood to swing a little sweeter for doing so.
"Isn't too hard to see, yet finding it hard to believe… And after deserving Hell for so long."
"Wow, you REALLY never had a morning like this, huh?"
Almost alarm over any rushes to stiffen up, try stopping the tears: "Ohhh jeez, sorry Ma'am. Dammit, I-I-I hadn't meant to—"
"It's okay, it's okay, no need to apologise… But you DO know you can't enjoy any views from down here, right?"
Whimpers heard to help up and hustle him along, limbs like lead to drag until he'd suddenly duck into the bathroom. Shrugs, questions and knocks over why, only to stifle the odd giggle for the water dripping down his face, through his beard hairs and out.
"No kid, these ain't couch dreams you're havin'. This is our nine-to-five, or subject to where we're going, sometimes the odd overtime."
"Acting more mother than mistress, not kicking my shi—uh, head in… You sure about that?"
"Just can't see past our past, can you? Still you don't trust me?"
"Maybe distrust is too strong a word now, for sharing such magic. Were I told that one day I'd actually stand here, see all this, never would've believed it for a single, solitary moment."
"Can't imagine that being any excuse… Planet Express was taking warm bodies decades before I ever showed up."
"Captain, my time required wealth or education in realms beyond absurdity. Just for the Moon and Mars, I might add. Ya really think I had one, the other, or both?"
"Suuurrre, and I was a superhero once." A wry laugh had, to hide a bitter frown. "Did you really expect me to humour that?"
"Did I ask you to? Could you instead picture a fat boy in grey, his first day of 'school', and some astronaut quip upon boarding the bus?"
"If you must insist."
"Yeah, whatever. Screwy mental spike to bring on a major meltdown; escaping me still, the one, ten, or perhaps hundred reasons to trigger it. Heard it'd take hours to calm the kids—mostly me—and convince us of solid land… Nobody to come near since I'd create such a scene; only times were to outright target me."
"So, that night when you screamed…"
"Only resort left, and actual excuses too. Had no words of reason, had nothing to bribe or bargain with, and sure as hell had no means to pose any threat. Throw in all the drams I'd drink, trying to deny my memories…"
"Oh? Like what?"
"Nothing I wanna talk about, and especially not with you."
"Why the hell not? Aren't we all friends here, more or less?"
"What friend flogs another to an inch of their life, all for a misunderstanding?"
"Hey, your mouthing off since would justify much of it," she'd point. "Keep pushing me as such, you can bet that subsequent wounds won't heal fast, if at all. That's my guarantee."
Any tension to taper off upon his curt nod, as he'd take his front-row seat for gripping the dashboard. Arguably one among her favourites; memories of modest wines, pints of ice-cream and endless space, to make the Captain's seat worth the hassle and hustle.
"So what's it like, this first time of yours?"
"Forgive me for any rambles, but… Every second, these artists Almighty create a symphony, with crescendos to cherish; flying ice, scapes of hellrocks, rainbows bursting from darkness, light shows, worlds to rush beyond… To think it's only but the tiniest slither of what's out there, that by ways of colours, shapes, sizes or quirks, it can represent us."
Eye to widen, if only a touch: "Poet in a past life, huh? Didn't think you had it in ya."
"In this man, Ma'am, behold the child now soaring beyond his wildest dreams… And yet—"
A violent lurch to derail any train of thought, both to hit the deck hard. Bessie's cacophony of blares and alarms to be up and seated in moments, all while Mayfield, caught between keeping his feet or shutting out the noise, started tumbling in a spin-cycle of sorts.
"Amy, who the hell's—"
"Guh-oh Captain… Dozen Kharmanians in the vicinity, and they're circling back!"
"Types to come and go, right? And all over stupid sheets and blankets… Mayfield!"
"Who the shit's shootin' at us, w-w-what's going on?!"
"Just get your ass seated so I can buckle you in! Ride's about to get REAL rough."
Her wheel to wrangle upon hearing the clicks; likes of Luna Park to linger over his shouts. Instant 90-degree pivots to absorb them all in leather, turns to hear of groans and head rushes, spins and loop-de-loops to twist their guts like pretzels… No shortage of dodged lasers, cut-offs to escape, or lures to trap and smash any ambushers apart.
Yet even lizard brains could wise up to games of chicken, and she found herself needing a new plan fast.
"Time you set yourself apart from the floaters, rookie… Can you handle our turret?"
"Ma'am, are you MAD? I just goofed off at my parents' house, why—"
"Doesn't matter now! Listen, I'm gonna break away and give us some space; moment I say go, get inside there and fire back."
"You never showed—how the hell do games apply—"
"I know, I know dammit, but time's short… Enough questions, now GO!"
Made a fine windsock of him over any speed bursts, but even for ensuring such precious seconds, there were low hopes had over the dozens of buttons he was sure to confront. Didn't even know half herself, and hadn't any time now to teach, especially to glimpse their ringleader. Scales redder than Bessie's stripe, to realise serious trouble.
"We'll take their lives first, THEN we'll take their loot. Subordinates, keep targeting the sides, and spare 'em no slack!"
All the simulations and study couldn't avoid pyramid formations forever; felt a bellow gather inside her lungs while arrowheads of death began ripping her vessel apart.
"WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG, IDIOT?!"
"Would you PISS off with the insults? Can't even turn the bastard on, for—"
"You and your meddling, Professor… Activate emergency ship-contained energy-based single-blast defence crisis retaliation unit, override code one-zero-seven-seven. Now get blasting, dammit!"
Finger itching to eject the kid and end them herself, as both of Bessie's sides would be rattled, grow in danger of breaching. Thought it all over when that arrow split off into trios, only for an onslaught to bring up cries for ceasefire over her comms. One-two, one-two, one-two; extra finger to prove quick and accurate enough to cause the Commander's loss.
"Huh, nice not to rely just on ourselves for once."
These thieves to actually plead, propose a silence as per tradition, only for the rookie's lasers to send any ceremonies up in flames.
"You DARE dishonour us? We'll see to it that you—"
"You want respect or second chances, you're beggin' to the wrong man… VETE AL DIABLO!"
Final spray to grant her good ship its victory, ever one to savour given the severe beating she took to achieve it.
"Real shame, might've made better wallets than waste… Okay kid, ease up, I think we're safe."
Never believed in him, and was tempted to say so, as she joined in the backslaps and cheers before Amy's finger caught a hissing rush of air by accident.
"Ohhh shklit, get ready to run… Breach INCOMING!"
Grabbing her co-pilot she would barrel for the brigs' end, watch Mayfield from safe vantages try scrambling back for the turret. Silent prayers to will him out of harm's way; Fates to express other ideas in blowing out Bessie's hull, not just snatching his voice and almost his chords, but trapping him to boot.
Modern vacuums to become medieval racks, judging by his limbs, before the ladder gave out, slipped him out of sight. Final cry of no avail for her to utter farewell, to tempt her toward escape chutes only for an inhuman howl to scramble her back.
A gasp out loud to find the abyss bending, creating a human corset of him, ready to eject the rookie as fatty red paste at any given moment. Had already reached the wheel when he'd cry out, tears pouring down his cheeks.
"SOMEONE LAND THIS FUCKIN' THING!"
Full throttle she'd go for the closest planet, believing the best case scenario when groans and screeches would warp the hull, somehow pop the kid loose. Luckiest break of late, for speaking of them; hole to fill her eye, comfortably, with grassy fields, stumpy conifers and cloudy purple skies.
Not that any writhing and wails allowed her to appreciate any of it.
"Crap, crap, CRAP… Come on kid, stay with me, stay with me."
Her 'Body Scanner' to activate as she knelt beside; could do naught but kick the wall to discover powder where bones used to be, or intestines to be shredded like coleslaw, if not missing whole.
"First time I've ever seen a breach be stopped, and I'd pray it's my last after that," Amy'd grimace, covering nose and mouth.
"Save the comments Wong, and move that cotton candy ass to Med-Bay, right now! We're after the full-body syringe, or we can possibly settle for anaesthetic… Not gonna have long to live otherwise."
An overload she couldn't blame him for, this time, to try anything in prolonging the blood loss, including tender head-strokes and soft words to relax any systems. A situation made difficult enough by his hand, and one made extra helpless upon Amy confirming there were no more spares on hand.
"Son-of-a-bitch, if ever I find… Real sorry kid, but take this to heart—you did damn good before having to go."
Hand to grasp in solidarity before a quick blast ended any agreed misery, and confirmed yet another job for the ladies to look after.
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Stiff twirls of pen to precede crate checks, mind and mouth to consider the rambles and drivel of her boss's theories, as Amy counted and recounted. "Chronological repetitions", he'd call them, as if she hadn't enough adventures involving time itself.
"Yet again an Officer is done for, Ms. Wong… Yay for equal tips, right?"
"Splammit Captain, I'm so sick to death of dumping our—"
"And you think I'm not? Third one since the Friday before, but good luck getting our old dolt to do anything. Anyway, say it's best we worry later; Stumbos-4 is by no means a moonwalk."
"Figured enough from the pep talk… Should I make some calls to Schwarzkopfin, get us sponsored?"
"Veeerrry funny, heh heh heh… Does remind me though, it would be wise to wash yours out. Extra weight, up top or otherwise, is the absolute LAST thing you'll need here, trust me."
"Really Captain? Really?"
"Hey, you're welcome to step off and see what happens to ignore me. Only so much I can advise."
Immediate silence to figure her point was made, to then order those goods stacked neat between their dollies. No faults had nor corners cut, as she expected of elite crew, though she knew a reality check was needed to hear that scoff.
"Little cocky, are we? Anti-grav pump on-board to make that job easy; out there, I'd lowball these things at two hundred pounds—"
"Come on, that doesn't sound so—"
"Each… Got another dumb interruption in you?"
A smirk to flash seeing Amy tug at her collar: "I didn't think so. So here's how it's gonna be, and no exceptions; one hover dolly for us both, one blanket or fitted sheet each, and we'll do forty trips from here to the hotel and back. Are we of understanding?"
"I believe so, just one question… Given all we've gotten thrown at us, you think we're gonna hold up?"
"Let's just say I was tempted to make a stop at Orbiting Meadows, shovel in hand. Between failing my delivery and desecrating family graves, thought sure twisted me up inside."
"And if we fail, then what?"
"Forget me calling for any favours, can tell you that. Of those with power to help, I can't nor won't trust any of them."
"So wait, we're gonna starve together just 'cause you'd give up?"
"Besides having vending machines, Miss Bribe-Days-Off, who do you think should pull us out?" she'd snap. "Do I have to catch you up, like every other time?"
Tapped her foot for an answer, only to get none.
"Can never forget the day DOOP's new HQ was destroyed, that court case where I chose to testify. You think I'd trust those clowns, when despite losing $400 BILLION, they'd fawn over his 'service'? When at only HIS word, screw the verdicts or testimonies, they'd also give Kif a dishonourable discharge?"
"Awww, why didn't anyone tell me any of this?"
"Your holiday was HQ-free, and you meant it. So, days after that disgrace, they'd both come crawling our way; was ready to deny them before our dumbass-in-charge butted in. In one day, just one, that fat idiot would botch a delivery, kick off a mutiny, order my arrest, and plot to kamikaze that race of Neutrals, before finally escaping the fireball he'd leave US in."
"Can't believe it, I thought—"
"Yeah, and God forbid I owed a debt to MomCorp. Trust her as far as I could throw my snookum's bobos…"
Work to begin in earnest after she let Amy lead, forehead creasing over her dolly's lurches, its regular spitting of sparks. Exposed to the elements, was relieved to see it remain upright, defy any odds—couldn't say or do the same for any brave moves forward.
"Aiii-aiii-AIIIIEEEEEEEE!"
Gravity to catch her stride and begin creating a split, when instincts kicked in to seize her back to safety. For almost having to wrench her arm off, was some miracle to confirm no severe injury; cold comfort though once the dolly hovered right out of reach.
"Universal Laws of Fortune strike again… How else shall I begin a Monday, huh?"
Right on cue a cracking echo across the clouds, one to drown any whispers well before that purple deluge of mini-meteors, mere raindrops anywhere else. Was confident that Bessie could endure the hits, but couldn't say the same for her dolly to watch it be pierced, eventually burst into titantium scrap.
"Thank you, thank you very much!" her eye blazed upward. "If I find that Murphy mother-fu—"
"Preach it to the choir Captain… We're totally glucked now!"
"Negative, Sailor Moon! Impossible odds for sure, but I'll die before I fail my duty! Time to drag 'em by hand, since no-one gives repairs and fuel for—"
"Are you off your rocket?! We won't last five seconds out there, and you know it… Can't we use your—"
Quivers in her core, to flash Amy a look to erode souls: "Don't you dare… Don't touch it, don't suggest it, don't even think of it. Should I catch you using it, you better pray you—"
"Sorry Ma'am, yes Ma'am."
Had been so careful to keep 'it' a secret, at least despite any confessions to fuzzy friends over wine and ice-cream. After all only she to know of histories hidden, of horrors within…