Chapter 13

TW: Mentions of disordered eating behaviour

Brittany's POV

Adjusting to life with a newborn baby was hard. Waking up every two hours to feed her proved to be exhausting, but I loved spending time with her, knowing that she'd grow up way too fast. Santana woke up with me at night as well, and we grew a lot closer through that.

My six week postpartum appointment was scheduled for two days before Halloween. Despite giving birth at home, we still had our doctor involved in almost everything, and I was happy to be cleared. As exhausted as I was, knowing that I could dance if I wanted to, or have sex (once Santana was ready, of course) made me feel a lot better.

For Halloween, we decided not to bring Everly trick-or-treating, since she was still so tiny, and there was no point to it. Plus, we were still very cautious about who she was exposed to. Instead, we dressed her up and took some photos before going to bed early, too tired to think of anything but our comfortable bed.

When Thanksgiving came around, our sweet baby girl was buckled into the backseat of our car to drive to Lima for the first time in her two months of life. I was very excited to be celebrating the holidays with both our families and our baby girl for the first time, but Santana was practically shaking with nerves. It was our first time leaving our little bubble we'd created with our baby, and she was so cautious while driving, that I could not help but laugh.

"Why are you laughing at me?" Santana asked, in a mock angry voice.

"Because you're driving like an old grandma," I replied, laughing.

"I'm just worried about the baby," she retorted. "Besides, you haven't been in the car with my abuela driving. She breaks almost every rule there is."

I laughed again. "You have no reason to be nervous. Aren't you excited to see your family?"

"Of course I'm excited to see our families."

"Then, let's enjoy this," I said.

After what was quite possibly the longest drive to Lima ever, we finally arrived at my parents' house. Immediately, my family took Everly from us to spend time with her.

Santana's parents showed up soon after we did. At first we'd been unsure about how Thanksgiving would work with both our families, so having everyone in the same house made the holiday a lot easier.

"Would you like some help, Mom?" I asked my mother who was cooking in the kitchen.

"That would be great, Brittany," she replied, handing me the potato peeler.

I got to work, Santana and her mother soon joining us. Once the baby fell asleep and was placed in her pack'n'play, our fathers and my sister came to help us cook as well. The kitchen was overcrowded with all of us, but it felt like family, and we were happy.

"So, Brittany, do you have plans to return to work?" my sister asked once we were eating at the table.

"I'm thinking about it," I replied, "but I want to wait a little longer, since Everly is still so young."

"That's a good idea," my mother said. "Babies grow up so fast."

"And Santana, you're going back to work soon?" her mother asked.

"Yeah, I am. I'm going to miss being home with Brittany and Everly, but I'm also excited to go back." Santana, I noticed, was eating incredibly slowly, but I knew that talking about it in front of everyone wouldn't end well. Besides, I trusted her to tell me if something was wrong.

Soon after we finished eating and everyone had spent some time with Everly, Santana's parents went back to their home and the rest of us got ready for bed.

"What are you thankful for?" I asked Santana once I'd breastfed Everly and lay her down to sleep.

"You know, I'm surprised we didn't do that with everyone," she said. "I thought that was your family tradition."

"Yeah, it is." I pulled a tank top over my head before climbing into my childhood bed beside Santana. "But, I think everyone was too absorbed in our daughter to remember. So, what are you thankful for?"

"For you," she replied, "and Everly. My life's changed so much since last Thanksgiving, and I'm so grateful for everything. Also, that I could eat some Thanksgiving food without throwing up right after."

"I'm proud of you," I whispered.

She smiled. "What are you thankful for?"

"Everything."

Santana's POV

After Thanksgiving, I unfortunately had to return to work. I didn't want to leave Brittany and the baby, but the hospital was expecting me back, and I did miss my job in some ways.

So, that Monday morning back in Columbus, I woke up early to the sounds of Everly crying just after 6 o'clock. Brittany and I both woke up, and she lifted Everly out of her bassinet to breastfeed her. I said good morning to my two girls before getting in the shower to start getting ready for work.

I helped Brittany dress Ever in a unicorn onesie (she still got her way with some of the baby's clothes, and I had to admit, they were adorable), pink leggings, and a lighter pink sweater.

"Is it just me or is she even cuter than normal today?" I asked.

"Maybe she's trying extra hard so you don't leave," Brittany replied, picking our daughter up as we headed to the main room.

"Trust me; I don't want to leave, but I have to. Don't do anything too cute while I'm gone, sweetheart."

"I'll take videos if she does," Brittany said, hugging me goodbye with the baby between us.

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you, too. Have a good day."

I slipped my jacket on and grabbed my bag before leaving the apartment, feeling as though a piece of my heart was left behind.

Work wasn't as awful as I'd thought it would be. I met with a woman who had been seven months pregnant when I'd left, and now was probably only about a week away from giving birth, as well as a new client who was less than ten weeks pregnant. In many ways, I felt as though I was back in my element. But, that didn't stop me from Face-timing Brittany and Everly during my lunch break to say hello.

The best part of returning to work was how excited Everly was to see me when I got home. I'd pick her up and she'd settle right down. It was good to know that I was missed too while I was away.

As she always had, Brittany engulfed our apartment in everything Christmas as soon as Thanksgiving passed. One day when I got home from work, the rooms were filled with Christmas decorations, a bare Christmas tree stood in the living room, and three brand new stockings hung in the living room. Festive music was playing throughout the apartment, as loud as our speakers could be before our neighbors would complain.

Brittany and the baby were not in the main living space, though, so I went into the nursery to see if they were there.

I stopped just outside the door when I saw Brittany asleep on the rocking chair with Everly laying against her chest, also sleeping. I knew Brittany had been exhausted lately, waking up every few hours to feed the baby, despite my insistence to help.

I walked over to the rocking chair and carefully moved Brittany's arms and lifted the baby out of them. Immediately, Brittany woke up.

"It's okay," I whispered to her. "I've got the baby."

"Sorry I fell asleep again," Brittany said, sitting up straighter. "I turned up the Christmas music to try to stay awake."

"You need your rest. I'm just worried about you. Let me feed her tonight; you need a good night's rest."

"Santana," she replied, "I know you mean well, but I want to be the one to feed the baby, at least until she's older."

"I know that, and I understand your reasoning, but she's already two months old, and I've never fed her. I don't blame you at all, but I really would like the chance to. I know she's never had a bottle, but, maybe you should pump tonight and let me feed her."

"I... I don't want to miss any time with her."

"Britt, you are beyond exhausted, you can barely even keep your eyes open. What do you do while I'm at work all day?"

"I take care of the baby and clean the apartment while she's sleeping."

"And I appreciate that, I really do, but the apartment can stand to get a little messy. If you won't let me feed her tonight, then at least try to sleep while I'm at work tomorrow."

"I can try," she said.

"Thank you. Now I'm going to go turn off the Christmas music so you can sleep more, and then go get some take-out."

"I can take the baby." Brittany reached to arms out to grab the baby from me.

"It's alright. I can take her. Now, go get some sleep." I kissed Brittany's forehead and walked beside her to our bedroom, watching her pull the blankets over her body.

"I'll be back soon, but please, don't wait up for me."

I turned off the bedroom light and closed the door behind me, carrying the still sleeping baby to the living room so I could wrap her close to my body after turning off the Christmas music.

Not wanting to take too long, I walked to the closest restaurant to our apartment (a burger place) and picked up two cheeseburgers and some fries before heading back to the apartment. I was dreading the idea of eating fast food, but I knew that I needed to eat something, and Brittany and I both were too tired to cook something.

As soon as I'd placed the take-out on the kitchen counter, the baby woke up and started whimpering. I took her out of the wrap and bounced her gently in my arms, hopefully preventing her from waking Brittany.

"Are you hungry, angel?" I asked in a soothing voice.

I could tell she was about to cry, so I went into our bedroom to find Brittany fast asleep. I left her there and found some pre-pumped milk in the freezer that had been pumped a week or so earlier as a just-in-case when we'd gone to Lima for Thanksgiving but had ended up not using.

I prepared a bottle (something we'd practiced many times before despite not using bottles) and settled down on the couch to feed the baby.

At first, she didn't want to eat from the bottle, but once she realized that the contents were the same as what she was used to, she starting drinking, moving her little feet like she always did when Brittany breastfed her.

Feeding her felt so wonderful. I knew that it would help create a bond between us. Of course I understood why Brittany always wanted to breastfeed her, but I was glad that I could feed her from the bottle in that moment. It felt really special.

"Okay, you're all done now," I talked to the baby as we sat there, burping her once she was done eating. "You're such a good girl."

Despite the fact that the food was probably mostly cold by then, I decided I shouldn't waste it, so I carried the tired baby into the kitchen and lay her down in her baby swing that we usually had in the kitchen for moments like these, opening up the bag of food and taking out a cheeseburger and fries to eat.

Half-way through my burger, I heard movement behind me and turned around to see that Brittany was awake. She'd barely slept for an hour and a half.

"I thought you'd sleep longer," I said.

"My stomach woke me up," she replied. "Is the food cold?"

"A little, but it's not too bad," I said, passing her the bag with the remaining food. "I gave the baby a bottle."

"Okay," she sighed. "How did it go?"

"A little hard at first, but we got used to it. Now, will you please let me feed her at least once tonight?"

"Fine. I'll pump this evening, and you can give her a feeding, but only because sleeping for more than two hours at a time might be nice."

"I can guarantee you it will be a lot better than 'might be nice.' You need to get more sleep."

"I'll try."