Fenton followed Phantom up the stairs, his heart clenching as he forced one foot in front of the other. The boy tried to ignore it but the images stubbornly haunted his mind. Mom's wide eyes, barely holding back tears. Her shaking shoulders as she stared at the portal. Her quivering lip as she studied Phantom's scar. Heartbroken and disbelieving with shaking hands as she stared at the neon green of his ghost half's ectoplasm.
Phantom lingered behind the human boy. Fenton could feel the worry and sadness wafting off of the ghost. But how could he not? That was his own sadness. Just minutes before, Fenton had stood there, transfixed as Mom's hand hovered over their scar, as she struggled to draw Phantom's ectoplasm. He'd just stood there, not knowing what to say or what to think.
Soon, the pair entered the kitchen to find Dad, Jazz, and their friends standing around the table and looking over a menu for the pizza place down the street.
Dad turned at the sound of the human Danny's footsteps. The man smiled but it didn't reach his eyes, the expression clearly forced.
Fenton took in the concerned faces of his friends and family. They looked so worried for him, with soft, rounded eyes and slight frowns. The expressions pricked at his heart again. Those were far too common expressions. They were spending too much time and energy worrying about him when he was the idiot who got himself in this situation in the first place.
"What do you want to eat, Danny-boy?" Dad's question got the boy's attention.
Meeting his father's eyes, Fenton forced a smile. "I'm not picky. Just about anything's fine with me."
Jazz raised a brow. "Are you sure, Danny?"
The boy shrugged trying to act casual….like Mom probably wasn't crying downstairs, like she wasn't upset that he was a ghost. "Yeah, you guys know what I like."
"Alright." Jazz sighed, accepting the answer. Her eyes fell on Phantom who was hovering silently over Fenton's shoulder. "Any requests, Phantom?"
Fenton stiffened slightly from Jazz's use of the name and from the shifting air behind him, his ghost likely did the same. But the human soon forced his shoulders down. It was fine. They'd told Jazz and their friends that they could call them Fenton and Phantom, to try to decrease the confusion of calling both of them Danny. It was the first time Jazz had called his ghost half that. It shouldn't have surprised or bothered them even though it did.
After a moment, the human pivoted so he could see Phantom. "No, I'm good with anything." The ghost shrugged. "It's not like I'm going to eat anyway." To Fenton's ears, the statement was forcibly nonchalant, as if the ghost was pretending not wanting or needing to eat didn't bother him at all. But the others clearly didn't realize the falseness of the tone or chose not to comment.
Dad gave an accepting nod. He then grabbed a notepad and pen from the kitchen junk drawer. Glancing down at the menu again, he clicked the pen. "How about we order three larges? One meat lover."
Oh, yeah. That was his Dad's favorite, Fenton absently noted as the man smiled widely. The statement earned a similar grin from Tucker.
Jazz pointed at the paper on the table. "How about a veggie supreme? Mom likes that one." The girl turned to Sam. "You're vegan, right?" The goth nodded and Jazz frowned. "I don't think they have any vegan options. But we can order you a salad or…"
"It's fine." Sam waved casually. "I like the veggie supreme; a little cheese is okay occasionally."
Dad hummed in acknowledgement, writing down the pizzas they'd decided on. "So one more."
"Maybe a Hawaiian? That's your favorite Danny. Right?" Jazz suggested.
"Yeah." Fenton and Phantom both replied, impassively.
Tucker shocked his head, teasing. "You heathen."
Sam elbowed him. "You're one to talk. You like peanut butter and bacon milkshakes."
"Hey!" Tucker pointed. "I like what I like, okay?"
Sam crossed her arms, a mischievous twinkle in her eye as light teasing about food preferences started. But Fenton tuned it out, only half listening as Jazz shooed his friends into the living room so Dad could call the pizza place. Both Dannys silently followed before Fenton sat down heavily on the couch, with Phantom hovering beside him in a seated position.
"The pizza will be here in 45 minutes!" Dad called from the kitchen, breaking up Sam and Tucker's bantering.
The pair of friends turned to look at Fenton and Phantom. "We should work on homework while we wait." Sam said.
Fenton perked up. "Yeah we should."
Fenton moved onto the floor, forming a circle with Sam, Tucker, and his ghost as the teens all pulled papers out of their bags. Jazz sat down at the kitchen table while the freshmen worked together in the living room.
Doing homework was blessedly normal, if subdued. Phantom tried to smile, to joke with Sam, Tucker, and his human self, even though he wasn't feeling it. Sam kept flashing concerned looks at him and Fenton. And the ghost could almost feel Jazz's eyes burning into the back of his head but he ignored the unease swirling in his gut.
"Come on guys. Let's focus." Fenton chided. "I wanna finish before dinner so we have time for some Mario Kart after, before you guys have to go home."
Sam and Tucker did comply, turning attention back to their papers. Hopefully, they would attribute his and Fenton's seriousness to focusing on homework and not its real source. But from his friends' concerned looks, the ghost doubted it.
About ten minutes before the pizza showed up, Mom finally came back up stairs. Phantom turned around at the soft sound of her footsteps, taking in her expression. Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, but slightly irritated like she'd scrubbed her face in an attempt to cover up that she'd been crying. Her eyes meet Phantom's before briefly looking away.
Phantom looked down. His attention turned away from the homework as his core clenched sadly. Mom...she looked so sad, so heartbroken and it was because of him. It was obvious from her reaction to his scar and his ectoplasm. And it hurt, seeing her like that. Pain stabbed at his core, double edged. Pain from bringing his Mother so much anguish because he just had to go into that stupid portal. And a stab of fear.
Her words last night- wrong, unnatural. Earlier-monster, abomination. His own thoughts- disease, sickness, infection. Was that why she was upset? Because he was a ghost and she finally saw how wrong he was and that there was no way to 'fix' him. But...she looked guilty earlier, looking at the portal. She was guilty about what the portal did to him. But was she guilty because he had died or because he was a ghost? Two very similar things, but not quite the same. But maybe….she could start to see that him being a ghost wasn't bad. It just….was. Not good, not bad. Just..a fact, neutral. But not something he needed to be afraid of.
The last thought of course brought last night's failed merging and this morning's botched conversation to his mind. The ghost glanced to his side, briefly meeting his human self's eyes before the boy looked away.
Minutes later, the doorbell rang. Dad jumped up and almost jogged to the door to get the food. At the same time, Tucker hopped to his feet shortly followed by Sam. Fenton pulled himself to his feet slowly, his shoulders low. He arrived at the table just as Dad was putting down the boxes and Jazz was pulling out plates. The four Fentons (plus ghost half) and his friends sat down, each grabbing various slices from the boxes. Seven chairs were set around the table, making it very crowded.
Normally with the delicious pizza and his friends and family together, Phantom would have enjoyed this. Or the whole Danny would have. Pizza nights were always special, happy occasions, especially when Sam and Tucker stayed over for dinner. But the small piece Phantom was trying to eat, in an attempt at normalcy, tasted like nothing. And both Mom and his human half wouldn't meet his eyes. He gave up on the piece four bits in, putting the rest on Fenton's plate.
Dad, Jazz, Sam, and Tucker chatted mildly while the group ate, filling the silence as Phantom followed the conversation, adding words occasionally. After putting plates in the dishwasher, Mom and Dad went back down to the lab, Jazz to her room, and the other teens settling around the TV for Mario Kart.
Despite Sam and Tucker's concerned looks, Phantom managed to smile and even laugh, trying to force himself to enjoy the game (Fake it 'til you make it, right?). From his grimace-like smiles, Fenton was trying to do the same.
Phantom was almost relieved when Sam and Tucker had to leave; he could stop pretending. As soon as their friends left, Fenton started up the stairs without a word, not even looking at the ghost. Phantom watched him with a raised brow before floating after him but Fenton still wouldn't meet his eyes, closing the door to their bedroom before the ghost could float into the room.
Wide-eyed and slightly startled, Phantom stared at the door, debating if he should go in. Maybe he should and demand that Fenton talk to him about...whatever this was. The ghost sagged in the air, core twisting in a mix of emotions. Whatever he was feeling, it was a tangled mess. He couldn't decipher it, especially with emotions radiating from Fenton. Phantom didn't think that the human was mad at him? (as far as he could feel) All the same, he didn't know what to do, what to think or how to solve this. The ghost boy turned around, biting his lip. Maybe he should talk to Jazz and she could help him?
Silently, he floated towards her bedroom, preparing to knock. But the soft sound of snores filtered through the door. Frowning, Phantom turned intangible and phased the top half of his body through the door. Jazz lay on her bed, snuggled under the covers. The boy frowned; she was asleep already. But, then again, she'd been up late with him last night. Supporting him, advocating for him, even yelling at Mom and Dad for him. She'd done so much for him already. And right now, she looked so comfortable, so peaceful. Not worried like she'd been last night and all during dinner.
Phantom bit his lip again. He still wanted to talk to her but…she needed to sleep. She deserved it. And his problem could wait, right? He could give Fenton the night to cry or think or whatever and hopefully, he'd be able talk about it tomorrow, after Fenton got some much needed sleep. And if they needed Jazz for the conversation or he needed her before, he could ask.
Phantom turned back around, preparing to fly through the ceiling but the boy frowned again, pausing. Since when had he become someone that goes to his older sister for emotional support? He shook the thought away before embarking on another night of flying around the town.
Fenton laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Guilt balled in his gut again. He knew Phantom, his other half, had floated up the steps behind him. And Fenton had closed the door in his face. His eyes glanced towards the door. Was the ghost still floating outside the room? Debating whether or not to come inside? The boy's eyes flickered back to the ceiling. Honestly, Fenton was surprised Phantom hadn't come in and demanded to talk. Maybe he should have, or the human should have reached out.
But Fenton hadn't. And he didn't want to. He knew it didn't make any sense but here he was, pushing Phantom away again. But…..Fenton just….didn't know. What he was thinking, what he was feeling, it didn't make sense. None of this made sense, really.
The human just knew he was tired, physically, mentally, and emotionally. He was tired of struggling. Tired of thinking and trying to figure everything was so tired of feeling like this, but he had no idea how to stop.
Huffing, the human rolled onto his side. After a moment's thought, the boy grabbed his phone and headphones from his side table. He needed some music, a calming melody to distract him and maybe slow the anxious pounding of his heart. He plugged the headphone's cord into the phone and placed the buds in his ears before picking an artist to listen to. Something….lyrical, comforting if a little melancholy. With words he could wrap himself up in and a melody that struck a chord somewhere in his soul. And if the boy was lucky, it would eventually lull him to sleep.
Fenton pressed play and closed his eyes, letting the music drift over him. In time, his heartbeat slowed and his breath calmed as sleep took him.
Phantom spent a few hours flying around the town, observing. He tried to avoid his feelings and thoughts, tried to avoid wallowing in his pain. He really had. But the boy just couldn't seem to stop. He floated above downtown, watching cars driving by and people leaving restaurants and bars late into the night. His eyes misted with tears as the feeling of being an outcast rose in him again. He kept feeling like this, like he didn't belong here. As if he was actually haunting this town, his home.
The boy looked down again. Was this what being a ghost was? Being stuck mourning his own death, the loss of his own life. Was this why ghosts lingered in the world of the living? A longing to stay in a familiar setting, looking in as if they could somehow keep living the life they'd already lost, but always unable to go back, to continue. Instead, becoming stuck in a cycle of mourning and frustration.
The ghost's unneeded breath hitched in his throat as a realization struck him. Did that explain Mom and Dad's stories about vengeful, violent spirits? Decades, centuries locked in hopeless mourning. Being unable to accept what happened, to move one. And that frustration turned to anger and then to violence.
Phantom's hands shook. No, no, no. He did not want that to become that. He didn't want to lose his humanity and lash out like a rabid animal, like the stories said. The boy shook his head. That didn't matter. He wasn't a real ghost, anyway. He still had his life, his humanity. That part of him was asleep at home right now and would go to school in the morning. But Phantom still felt disconnected, like he was dead and his life was over despite that. And even if he was merged with Fenton, they'd still be half ghost. They couldn't just ignore that aspect anymore. But that still left too many questions. What exactly did being a human and a ghost at the same time mean? Was he dead or alive or both at the same time? Maybe, half of each? But then again, based on Mom and Dad's theories of what ghosts actually were, were ghosts actually dead anyway or were they something else entirely? Heck, there was a whole dimension of ghosts (?) on the other side of the portal. What exactly was behind the portal and how did that factor into everything? There was just so much he didn't know and Mom and Dad didn't know much either, despite having many theories. Besides, his mere existence disproved a lot of their theories.
Just as the clocktower at city hall chimed one a.m, Phantom stopped in front of the library. He ran his hands through his hair and blew out a breath he didn't feel. He needed to stop freaking out about this and do something else. He phased inside, intent on finding some books to read.
Memories of this place flitted through his mind. His small hand in Mom's, looking for picture books. Listening to the librarian read, surrounded by other kids. Curling up in an armchair in the kids section, a Magic Treehouse book in hand. He wasn't the ravenous reader Jazz was, but the public library was familiar all the same, though it looked so different now with moonlight streaming through large front windows and casting everything in shadow.
Phantom floated towards the youth section with a book in mind, the newest installment in a series he enjoyed in middle school but hadn't gotten around to checking out yet. He paused as a display caught his eye. The boy frowned, taking in the paper cutouts of cartoonish ghosts and the related books- Scary Stories to tell in the dark, True Tales of Haunting, and The Woman in White and other Tales. He rolled his eyes at the irony but lingered for a second, tempted especially by the 'True tales'. It might be useful to know some of the stories his parents based their theories on. But…..anxiety swirled in his gut as he turned away. That was a dark, depressing rabbit hole he should avoid, especially since there was no telling if any of that was accurate.
Instead, Phantom grabbed his original book of interest before settling in a comfy chair and waiting for the night to pass.
Fenton blinked awake to his alarm clock blaring. He rolled over, groaning, and slammed a hand on the button to silence the noise. The boy had just about drifted off again when Jazz's voice shouted through his door.
"Danny! Get up!"
He groaned again, muttering something unintelligible before burying himself in his pillow. Not thirty seconds later, his door swung open.
"Don't think I won't pour cold water on you." Jazz said, a hint of amusement in her voice.
The boy ignored her, even as the girl stomped towards his bed.
"Come on, little brother. Up!" Jazz insisted. Fenton remained unresponsive. Then his sister sighed. "Alright, I'll have to use this."
The sound of water sloshing above his head jolted the boy out of his apathy. Heart now pounding, he shot up in bed and stared at Jazz with panicked eyes, taking in the cup in her hand.
The girl smirked. "Knew that would work." Fenton's expression turned into a glare but Jazz ignored it, looking around. "Where's other you?"
"Flying back from the library." The boy answered, without thought before frowning. It was strange, how he knew that with little effort. But...he'd been dreaming about it before awakening anyway. Hadn't he?
Jazz didn't comment however. Instead her expression softened, turning concerned. "Do you want to talk about Mom's reaction last night? Or you and Phantom and the all too apparent tension between you two?"
Fenton instantly tensed. "We're fine." He replied too quickly, with a hint of defensiveness.
Jazz frowned. "Are you sure? I'm here if you-"
Standing up, he cut her off. "Come on. We need to get ready for school."
"But Danny-" Jazz started.
But the boy ignored her, instead walking past her, out of the room, and into the bathroom. He wasn't in the mood for a heart to heart this morning, even as well meaning as Jazz was. He just….couldn't do this today.
At lightning speed, Fenton showered and brushed his teeth, before returning to his room to get dressed. He breathed a sigh of relief; his ghost half wasn't there. A spike of guilt crept through his heart but the boy pushed it down. It didn't make any sense but he did not know what he'd say to him after last night, after everything. And he didn't want to deal with another awkward encounter while he was trying to get dressed.
Quickly, Fenton pulled a t-shirt and jeans on before heading downstairs.
Phantom phased back into his bedroom to find it empty but he could hear the shower running across the hall. The ghost bit his lip, debating. He could stay, maybe try to talk to Fenton but….the desire to escape, to avoid whatever he was feeling arose.
Instead he phased through the floor and into the kitchen. A slight gasp sounded below him and the boy cursed himself as his eyes fell on his parents. Mom's surprised expression was quickly being replaced by something carefully neutral.
As the ghost floated down to the floor, she smiled at him sadly. "Good morning sweetie."
"Good Morning" He nodded, in response.
"Good morning son." Came Dad's reply.
The pair of adults turned attention back to their food as Phantom deliberately placed his feet on the floor, making an effort to walk instead of float. Maybe they'd be more comfortable if he did that but...they looked so disheartened. His core clenched painfully at the sight. Mom's hair was disheveled, her eyes slightly red and downcast. Guilt etched deep lines on her face, making the woman look bone-tired. Dad did not look any better, with his sunken eyes, greasy hair, and unshaved stumble.
Phantom looked down. He'd thought Dad was taking this so well but the man looked tired and upset, just like Mom did. And that was all because of him.
Luckily, the sound of his sister's footsteps pulled the ghost boy from those self-deprecating thoughts.
"There you are." Jazz said as Phantom turned his head. The girl smiled as her eyes met his. "Good morning, baby brother."
Stopping beside the ghost, his sister ruffled his hair playfully, earning annoyed muttering from the boy who crossed his arms. "I'm not a baby."
Jazz didn't comment but gave a soft, amused laugh at the pouting. Phantom rolled his eyes at her response. His gaze then flitted to their parents. Dad was digging into his food with the barest hint of a smile on his face as he took in the pair of siblings. Meanwhile, Mom had put her fork down and was studying the pair. Her brows drew together and the listlessness that had been in her eyes earlier evaporated, replaced by….something else. The ghost wasn't sure what it was. Still sad but maybe there was a hint of….fondness? The boy wondered what she was thinking. But her eyes shifted down, onto her plate again once she noticed his questioning gaze.
The ghost felt his core clench sorrowfully again. And it was about to get worse.
Moments later, feet pounded down the steps. Despite himself, Phantom's shoulders stiffened. He whipped around and at the same time, Fenton froze, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. Phantom's frown deepened in response but he too stood unmoving.
Seconds later, Fenton recovered his composure, swallowing. "Oh, good morning."
Phantom couldn't help but feel a hint of annoyance at the awkwardness. He raised a brow. "Good morning yourself."
Fenton blushed and then looked down. Phantom's gut churned with some emotions he was sure was coming from his human counterpart but before he could think to process it, a snot sounded behind him. The ghost boy turned back around to find Dad wearing an amused expression. Phantom pined the man with a skeptical look, at the same time he could feel Fenton glaring at their father.
Dad's face reddened. "What? It was funny."
It was then Phantom realized the exact implications of his previous statement, considering the strange situation. The ghost boy's expression softened but he didn't say anything as he also realized Mom's uncomfortable gaze which was flitting between the two Dannys and the wide-eyed, concerned look Jazz was pinning on him and Fenton. The boy could almost feel her desire to probe him but he side-eyed her, silently demanding that she not get involved, at least not in front of Mom and Dad. The last thing he needed was Mom and Dad getting any inkling that there was any problem between him and his human self.
Clearly Fenton was thinking the same. The human coughed, trying to break up the awkward silence. "So… what's for breakfast?" He sauntered forward trying to act casually.
Mom blinked at him for a second, before shaking her head. "We have cereal. Or...you can heat up some oatmeal?" The woman glanced at the clock above the oven. "But you don't have much time before you have to leave."
Fenton glanced at the clock and Phantom couldn't help the pang of hurt he felt as the human's shoulders' fell, relieved. "I'll just eat a poptart in the car." He glanced down at his feet. "Better get my shoes on."
The human practically ran up the stairs, again carefully avoiding Phantom's eyes.
"Danny." Jazz called after him, frantically looking between the human and the ghost versions of her brother. But as Fenton ignored her, she turned to Phantom who was still standing beside her. A hand wrapped around the boy's wrist. "What was-"
"We're fine." Phantom hissed, quietly.
"No. You're-" The girl started, shaking her head.
"Don't, Jazz." The boy gritted his teeth. Jazz's eyes narrowed, looking like she wanted to push the issue. But Phantom's eyes widened, desperate. "Please, don't." His gaze flitted to the table and his voice lowered into a barely perceptible whisper. "Not in front of Mom and Dad."
At the plea, Jazz's eyes widened, her gaze also passing over the parents. Both wore sad and slightly confused expressions; Mom looked more uncomfortable than ever.
Jazz's face softened. "Fine." She whispered. "But this conversion is not over."
The boy said nothing, crossing his arms as his stomach flopping at the idea of her poking her nose in his business. Last night he'd wanted her advice...or her listening ear, at least. But now…..he'd rather come to her on his own terms. And Fenton...he wasn't sure what was going through his other self's head and that scared him….but he was also scared to find out.
The moment was interrupted by Fenton jogging down the stairs again with his bag. "Come on, Jazz." The boy practically dragged his sister out of the room. "Bye Mom. Bye Dad. Bye…..uhhh…" The boy trailed off, eyes briefly falling on his ghost. Phantom read the debate behind Fenton's eyes- what to call his ghost half in front of Mom and Dad. Phantom- the chosen name they'd agreed on? Danny- their real first name? Other me? Ghost me? "Ummm….bye."
"Bye." Phantom muttered, somewhat sadly as Fenton pulled Jazz through the front door.
He stared at the door for a few moments; the only sound was his parents' quiet breathing behind him. Tension rose in his shoulders again, warring with confusion. But he couldn't focus on it, instead distracted by Mom and Dad's eyes boring into the back of his head. Plastering on a smile, he turned around to face them.
The pair was trading questioning looks with each other, confusion and uncertainty clear. After a moment, Mom closed her eyes and shook her head. Her brow furrowed and Phantom fought to not let his smile drop. She looked so stressed, like whatever she'd just seen between the two versions of her son was just another piece of a puzzle she had no hope of putting together. Beside her, Dad looked bewildered.
"So…" Phantom spoke up, looking to distract them. "What are you guys doing today?"
Mom frowned, one brow raising. Phantom feared she was debating asking him about...whatever that was. But she didn't. Instead she shook her head again. "We're going to go through the samples from yesterday."
"You wouldn't want to help today, would you?" Dad asked, with the barest hope in his voice.
"No." Phantom shook his head. Between last night and the awkwardness this morning, he couldn't imagine being in close quarters with them. Dad's slight smile fell, betraying his disappointment. The feeling prickling his core, the ghost amended. "Maybe later. I want to play some video games...and I have some reading I want to catch up on too."
"Really?" Mom questioned. "What book?"
"You remember that series I was really into in seventh grade? Well the author wrote a fourth book and he started a spin off series."
Mom nodded before crossing her arms questiongly. "Wait. Where did you get the books?"
"The library." The boy answered, before thinking.
"But you're…" Mom motioned up and down him.
The boy blushed, then realizing what he'd said. Mom and Dad didn't know about his nighttime escapades. He suddenly felt guilty; in a way, he'd snuck out of the house. But at the same time….half of him had been at home and the idea of staying in the house at night, when he could go flying and actually hangout around the town, felt stifling. Fear rose at their reactions if he told them about those nightly flights.
"Fenton checked them out for me, from the school library." Phantom lied.
Mom nodded, accepting the answer.
"Well, enjoy your books then, son." Dad said, standing up. He put his bowl in the sink and then ruffled Phantom's hair as he walked past him and towards the lab door. "Come on Mads."
"You know where we'll be if you need us, sweetie." Mom followed Dad down the steps.
Phantom watched her close the door. His feet rose from the floor as he turned to leave. The ghost boy floated up the stairs and into his bedroom. With a groan, he flopped onto the bed. His stomach turned with anxiety and he muffled a frustrated scream into his pillow. Why was everything so messed up? His stupid feelings, stupid thoughts. The weird tension between him and Fenton. His relationship with his parents. Why couldn't things just get better?!
Note: And that's another chapter! Please let me know what you think. I'm so grateful for any comments, questions, and feedback as always. And Thanks for reading!