Triggers
"Dammit Kuramochi, I can take a fucking shower on my own," an aggravated Miyuki shoved Kuramochi away when they reached the bathroom.
Kuramochi raised his eyebrows at the expletive.
Someone's in a mood.
"I know you can, jerk. But if you don't take at least a short soak in the bath afterwards, you're going to be too sore to play properly tomorrow."
"I was already going to."
"Do you even know how long you were swinging out there?" Yoichi demanded, hands in his pockets.
"It wasn't that long," Miyuki muttered as he took off his shirt.
An involuntary grimace marred his face as he did so, giving his words no weight whatsoever.
He was obviously in pain.
Kuramochi felt a vein pop in his forehead, then moved to jab Miyuki's chest with a finger, feeling oddly satisfied when the Captain winced at the touch.
"Listen you, I'll stop by your room to grab your sleepwear, then I'll wait for you in the changing room for half an hour. Don't you dare come out before then."
Miyuki stared at his fretting co-captain. Is this also something I'm lacking? he thought.
"What?" Kuramochi asked.
"Nothing. Just wondering if mothering other players is also part of a captain's duties. If so, then there's no wonder I'm so bad at it."
It was their usual banter. Miyuki would poke fun at Yoichi's worrywart's nature, and a furious Kuramochi would deny caring.
But something in the catcher's face unnerved the shortstop.
"At being a captain or a mother?" he joked, trying to lighten the odd mood.
"Both? I don't exactly know what mothers are supposed to do. Although…" Miyuki studied Youichi's face intently, "you somehow seem perfect at it."
What the hell is he on about?
"You've taken care of people plenty of times. Especially the pitchers."
Especially Nori.
Miyuki shook his head.
"I accommodate people. I don't take care of them. That would imply that I, well, care about them."
"Don't you?"
"Do I?" Miyuki said, his sly smirk contradicting with the sadness in his tone.
"What's with you, today. Of course, you do. That's obvious."
"As obvious as my nastiness?" Miyuki asked with a raised eyebrow.
Ouch. I have accused him of that when he was trying to be nice, sometimes.
Kuramochi laughed, nervously.
"Look, Miyuki, you're the type to dish it out, you know? So, people expect you to be able to take it as well."
A shiver went up Yoichi's spine at Kazuya's withering glare.
"Don't I always?"
"Well…"
"I don't care about keigo, or respect, I never have."
That's true," Kuramochi admitted, begrudgingly.
I've even got on his case about it, told him it was why the younger kids were disrespecting him.
"Then what is it?" Kuramochi demanded.
It seemed like they were going in circles. He wanted to help Miyuki he just didn't know how.
What the hell happened in that meeting?!
Miyuki looked away.
"Should I get Zono?" Yoichi asked.
"Please don't," Miyuki said, with a mirthless smile.
"Afraid he'll demand a seniors' only meeting this time? It might help, you know," Yoichi said mildly.
"I wish I'd listened to him and done it last year," Miyuki replied as he as he sat on the bench in the changing room, "But it's too late now."
Something in Kazuya's averted, exhausted eyes, coupled with his words somehow dissolved away Kuramochi's annoyance.
"Seriously, what's up?"
Talk to me. Kuramochi begged inwardly.
"Even I can be honest sometimes," Miyuki finally said, lifelessly. His averted eyes were flashing amber in self depreciation. And something else…
Hurt?
The shortstop suddenly remembered what Nori had said: his disbelief that Miyuki would worry about his future as a player.
That could be it. He's disappointed that Nori doesn't understand how much he actually cares about him as a player.
"Look, Miyuki, I don't know what Nori said to you, but what you can't get across with words, you can express with your plays, right?" Kuramochi asked, putting a hand on the catcher's bare shoulder. "Isn't that what you've always done?"
At the contact, the bespectacled captain turned his face even further away. But he nodded in agreement. Watching his melancholy profile, Yoichi could hardly believe anyone would question his honesty.
The smirks, the gags, the sarcasm, the shortstop knew they were all a façade.
He'd seen Miyuki honest.
Their captain was not as cold as he pretended to be.
Yoichi was sure of it.
Even if the catcher brushed off his concern whenever he tried to talk to him.
Just like when they lost the spring tournament...
"You snuck off to do swings again. Is that how badly you don't want people to see you putting in work?"
Yoichi had seen saw how worried Kazuya was when he noticed Sawamura sitting alone in the bleachers. He tried talking to him about it.
"Sawamura was sitting by himself. Was it because we couldn't make up those runs?"
"I'm not sure," he'd answered noncommittally. Thinking he was being brushed off as usual, the shortstop clicked his teeth in annoyance. But Miyuki then continued. "In any case it felt like he was giving us a kick in the pants."
Yoicha agreed, but he wanted Miyuki to know that it wasn't his fault alone...
"If I had gotten a hit, we could have turned the tide."
...but as always, Miyuki thwarted his attempts.
"Oh, so you came to whine?"
Despite Kuramochi's violent protest, the catcher, with a laugh in his voice, continued, "Go ahead. I"m the captain, so I'll listen."
Infuriating jerk…even now..
Kuramochi pensively looked at their Captain, silently sitting on the bench in the changing room.
Why does he always try to so hard to hide? Is it his responsibility as captain? His ego as a player?
Miyuki suddenly turned to face him.
"You're going to watch me change?"
Kuramochi sputtered as Miyuki gave a teasing grin.
"See, this is why! This is exactly why everyone-"
"Yes, yes, I get it," Miyuki said, attempt to mollify his irate co-captain, as he pushed him out of the changing room.
He felt grateful for Kuramochi, he truly did.
I just can't help it, Miyuki thought, with a tired smile. The closer I get to anyone, the more terrified I feel.
He'd tried to believe in Furuya. He tried to get closer to Nabe. He had made so much effort for Kawakami. He desperately wanted to help Sawamura stabilize his numbers.
They all hated his guts.
But, somehow, despite everything that happened that day, Yoichi made him feel like he'd made a little progress.
Just a little. Maybe he could fix whatever it was that had broken in both him and Kawakami.
As long as we win, things will be fine.
Author's note: Yoichi is the absolute best. I made some minor adjustments to the previous chapters and this one as well. There should have been only one more chapter left. But these guys don't seem to want to cooperate. We'll see how it goes.