The sun was just setting as Sam, Tucker, and Fenton walked into Fentonworks. He'd been comfortable, confident even at the prospect of talking to Phantom as the group left the mall. But now...his stomach churned, anxiousness returning. It was ridiculous, being nervous about talking to his other half. But….he needed to do it, even if it was hard.
Tucker looked side to side. "You said the other you was heading back. Where is he?"
"He's upstairs." Jazz's voice came from the top of the stairs as she descended. "He said he'd be down in a minute."
"Oh." Fenton looked down, suddenly feeling disappointed. It appeared his ghost did head home like he said. But...was this more avoidance? Was Phantom doing the same thing Fenton had done to his ghostly counterpart, but right back? If he was, it stung. No wonder Phantom had been angry at him.
Jazz stopped beside the human version of her brother. She pinned him with a concerned expression. "He told me what happened."
"He did?" Fenton blushed.
"Yes." Jazz raised an eyebrow. "He said that….." She trailed off for a moment. "Actually, he should tell you. You two need to talk to each other."
The human Danny sighed, crossing his arms. "I know. I know, I already promised Sam I would. I don't need you getting on my case too."
Jazz wrapped one arm around her brother. "I'm just trying to look out for you. You know that, right?"
"Yeah." The boy shrugged. "I know that."
Seemingly satisfied, Jazz leaned towards him in a side hug before pulling away. There was silence for a moment before a familiar figure floated down the stairs. The ghost was silent with a thoughtful, slightly troubled expression. Fenton swallowed, his nervous questions returning to the forefront of his mind. Was Phantom still angry with him? What exactly had he and Jazz talked about? And their impending conversation….would the ghost even be willing to listen?
"Sam. Tucker. Hey." Phantom's causal tone surprised his human counterpart as he addressed their friends with a sheepish smile. "Sorry about running out on you guys."
"It's all good dude." Tucker smiled apologetically. "Sorry for what I said earlier."
"It's okay, Tuck." The ghost boy said sincerely. "I'm not mad about it."
"You're not?" The technogeek asked hopefully.
"Yeah. It's all good." Phantom nodded.
At the reassurance, Fenton could see Tucker relax. And despite his own nervousness, he relaxed as well. Phantom wasn't angry at their friends at least. Then again, Fenton hadn't thought he would be. But….the ghost still hadn't addressed him.
After a moment, the ghost turned to face his human. He smiled slightly. "Hey Danny."
Well….scratch that previous thought. Fenton's heart skipped a beat. He...Phantom didn't sound angry. There was no anger projecting from him either. That made the human feel marginally better so he offered a half smile. "Hey yourself."
Tucker snorted at the joke, this time an intentional one. "Nice one."
Sam gave an approving smile as well. "So you're talking to each other now?"
Fenton suddenly felt sheepish. He raised one hand to rub the back of his neck. "Yeah."
Another voice...or really his own echoing voice….spoke with him and the human Danny met the gaze of his counterpart who was also rubbing his neck and wearing an identical sheepish expression.
"That's good." Tucker said, putting a hand on the human version of his friend's shoulder. "And I'm sure things will get better once you two talk about stuff."
"You guys promise you will talk about everything, right?" Sam raised a brow.
"Yes. We will." Both boys nodded, speaking confidently in unison again.
Or.. Fenton tried to sound confident at least, even if he didn't feel it. He totally intended to talk to Phantom but...where to even start? There was so much to bare, things that were hard enough to think about, let alone say out loud. But he needed to do it, even if the thought made him anxious.
"Okay, then. I need to head home." Tucker said, briefly cutting through his friend's nervousness. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"I need to leave, too." Sam sighed. Then she looked at both Dannys, eyes wide with concern. "Good luck. I hope everything goes well."
"Thanks Sam." Phantom replied with a nod.
"Yeah. I'll see you guys at school." Fenton said, giving his friends a wave as both walked through the door before Jazz closed it.
Jazz turned back around to face both halves of her brother. There was another beat of awkward silence as she studied both thoughtfully.
The two Dannys glanced at each other, dual nervousness rising. Again Fenton wondered what she and Phantom talked about...and what she was thinking now. "Uh….maybe we should…." The human started, biting his lip.
"Go to our room?" Phantom continued with a shrug.
"Yeah…" Fenton drawled, walking towards the stairs.
Phantom floated after him with Jazz coming last. The human Danny kept his eyes forward, resisting the urge to look over his shoulder. Not because he couldn't look at Phantom, not because of his guilt but….Actually, well….his guilt was still flaring- about the failed merge, about accepting his ghost half. But he needed to address those feelings, to deal with them even though the thought scared him.
The trio arrived at the door to Danny's room. Jazz paused, frowning worriedly at the pair. "Are both of you going to be okay?"
"Yeah." Both Dannys muttered, looking down.
"Are you sure? I can mediate or-"
"No, Jazz." Phantom cut off their sister, shaking his head. "I really appreciate you helping me realize some things but…" He bit his lip. "This is private. I…" Neon green eyes meet icy blue. And this time, there was no avoidance, no anger, but...understanding? The ghost's eyes turned down to Fenton's twitching hands. Then the human gasped, as he allowed his other half to take his hand. Human and ghostly hands clasped together, Phantom turned back to Jazz. "We need to do this ourselves."
Fenton gaped for a moment at the feeling coming from his counterpart. A sharp sting of anxiety. A prick of pain. But...underlying determination, patience, a desire of peace. And paramount- a longing for unity. Many emotions and ideas that the human was struggling to process.
But before he could get too far, Jazz sighed. "Alright. I'll see you in the morning." Her eyes softened. "I love you, little brother."
"Love you too." Phantom smiled at her slightly while Fenton remained frozen.
With another concerned glance, Jazz opened the door to her bedroom and walked inside, leaving Fenton and Phantom alone in the hallway.
"Come on." Phantom said quietly.
Fenton allowed his ghost to turn both of them intangible and pull him into their room. A moment later, Phantom gently let go of his hand. The two stood (floated) facing each other, with Fenton biting his lip and Phantom running his fingers through his hair.
"I...uhhh….after talking to Jazz, I thought I knew what to talk about but…." The ghost's shoulders feel. "I don't even know where to start."
"I don't either." Fenton frowned.
The ghost glanced around the room. "Do you want to...sit down on the bed to talk? Or….the chair? Or… I can float?" Fenton's eyes feel on the empty space below his other half's feet. His brow furrowed thoughtfully.
"Ya know, I don't really mind floating. I actually kinda like it, you know. It's...it's cool. Well, at least I think it's cool, right?" Of course it was cool. Well...before the ghost catcher, Fenton hadn't thought it was cool but rather terrifying. Another scary, uncontrollable symptom.
"I know it's kinda weird and it's a ghost thing but….ya know, floating is cool and flying's even better." The human tilting his head. Flying…. An idea started tickling his mind.
"I really love flying. It's definitely my favorite power." But was it Fenton's favorite power? The human remembered flying through Phantom's eyes in his dreams. It felt so different than floating before the ghost catcher had. Before he'd been terrified of losing control, that he'd suddenly start floating and get stuck on the ceiling or worse….just float into the clouds and never come down. But these dreams (they weren't really dreams though, were they?) were freeing and exhilarating. But...Fenton had never actually flown while truly awake.
"and….and uhh….I'm rambling, aren't I….?" Phantom trailed off.
Fenton blinked at his other self for a moment. He whispered, voice wavering. "I wanna go flying."
"What?" Phantom's eyes widened, startled at the sudden request.
The human swallowed and forced confidence into his voice. "I wanna go flying."
"You...want to go flying?" Phantom raised a brow and Fenton nodded. "Like right now? Like as we are right now?"
"Yes." The human nodded again.
Flying was so natural for his other self. The ghost looked perpetually comfortable in the air. And...the idea scared Fenton out of his mind. Humans weren't meant to fly of their own power. But...they weren't completely human anymore. Even now, even as just Fenton, he was part ghost. And Fenton never wanted to be afraid of that part of himself again. He needed to be comfortable being a ghost, to embrace it.
Phantom looked at him skeptically. "In the lab you said after we merged, we'd try flying. But we're...we're still split."
"I know." Fenton crossed his arms. "I still want to do it."
The ghost gapped. "But...you're afraid of heights."
His human counterpart stepped forward. "I'm tired of being afraid."
And that summed it up, didn't it? He was tired of being afraid and heights were just the tiniest portion of things he was scared of. Fenton squared his shoulders. He needed to stop just saying he was tired of being scared and face his fears.
The ghost studied him for a moment, frowning before sighing. "I'll have to carry you. You know that right?"
"Yeah." Fenton placed a hand on Phantom's arm. "But I trust you." He did. He needed to trust Phantom, to trust himself, even if it was hard to. "Or….I'm really trying to." And what better way to show that he was trying to trust his ghost half than through actions?
For several moments, there was a silent stand-off. Confusion, worry, even warriness touched Fenton's mind through his connection to his other half. At the same time, the human tried to project trust, comfort, and sincerity despite his flopping stomach. Yes, he was still really nervous. Yes, flying still scared him alot but he was going to act despite that fear, or maybe because of it. If Phantom would let him.
The ghost's expression softened, a slight smile creeping onto his face. "Okay. We can go flying." Clearly, whatever he felt from Fenton convinced him.
"Really?" The human asked hopefully.
"Yes." Phantom nodded. He then pursed his lips thoughtfully. "How should I carry you?"
Fenton shrugged. "What did you do last time?"
"Bridal style." He answered casually.
The mental image made Fenton blush. "Bridal style?"
His other self rolled his eyes. "You were asleep. It was the best way to do it, since you couldn't hold on to me."
"Alright." Fenton's embarrassment evaporated. "How about we do it piggy back?"
Phantom tilted his head back and forth in consideration. "Sure." Putting his feet on the floor, he turned around. "Hop on."
Fenton hesitated for a moment, tentatively putting his weight on Phantom. The ghost glanced back. "I promise I can carry you. You're not that heavy and...I think my weightlessness transfers if we're touching anyway."
At the reassurance, Fenton wrapped his arms around his ghost's neck and then raised his legs to wrap around Phantom's waist. The ghost secured his arms around the human's legs. A moment later, the pair rose off the floor. Fenton's muscles tensed, preparing to fight against gravity to stay on the ghost's back but a cool, weightless feeling spread through him, like he was floating underwater. So Phantom's natural weightlessness did transfer. Fenton remembered this feeling from before the ghost catcher, when he would float unintentionally. It had been terrifying before but now….Fenton was still scared but there was something almost comforting about feeling the effects of his powers again after so long.
"Are you ready?" Ghost Danny asked.
Human Danny swallowed. "Yeah. Let's go."
Phasing through the window, the pair took off into the sky.
Phantom was starting to wonder if taking Fenton flying was a good idea. It started out decently. As he ascended, with deliberate slowness, his human half clung securely to him. But his breathing was calm and even. And though he was silent and the ghost could feel his counterpart's underlying fear, he also felt Fenton's determination and trust. Trust, the feeling screamed out to him, giving the ghost confidence. Fenton trusted him enough to fly with him, despite his fear.
Phantom kept going, thinking this little escapade would actually be okay….until Fenton gave a frightened squeak and buried his head in his other self's shoulder.
Phantom hovered to a stop. "Are you okay?"
"Fine." The human squeaked. "I'm fine. I just...just, I looked down. Shouldn't have looked down. Yeah, yeah, don't do that again. Don't look down."
Phantom bit his lip, not liking how anxious his other half sounded. "We don't have to do this right now."
"No." The human forced out the words despite his wavering voice. "I want to do this."
"Are you-" The ghost started.
"Yes, I'm sure." Fenton cut in sharply, then his voice quieted. "Keep going. Please."
Without another word, the ghost continued flying upwards and away from their house. His core pricked with nervousness, a large portion of that coming from the very tense human on his back. With how tightly Fenton had his arms around the ghost's neck, Phantom was actually glad he didn't need to breathe. Though the rate at which his other half was breathing was becoming concerning; if they kept this up, Fenton would be hyperventilating soon.
The ghost stopped again. To his great concern, he realized he could feel Fenton's heart thudding against his back. Yep, yeah. They needed to land now. This was such a bad idea, definitely a bad idea.
"You stopped? Why'd you stop?" Fenton rambled, his loud voice right next to the ghost's ear.
Phantom winced but didn't comment on the volume. "I'm going to find a place for us to land."
"Land? You don't-" Fenton started arguing.
"I can feel how terrified you are. We need to stop."
"I'm not-" The human cut himself off but Phantom knew what he was going to argue- that he wasn't terrified. Except the poor boy was shaking like a leaf. Fenton swallowed. "Alright, alright. Let's….let's go down then."
The ghost willed himself to descend but they hadn't gone five feet lower when Fenton screamed.
"Fenton!" Phantom yelled concerned.
"Damnit!" Fenton cursed. "I looked down again. Can't do that. Can't look down. Stupid! Stupid Fenton." The boy was rambling aimlessly, breathing rate increasing.
"Fenton!" The ghost tried to get his attention.
"This was...this was a bad idea. I...I can't do this. I can't." He shook his head. "No. I need to do this. I have to."
"No you-" Phantom argued.
"How...how am I supposed to accept my ghost half if I can't even fly without freaking out?!" Fenton yelled.
The previous plea, that they didn't have to do this, died in Phantom's throat. That's what this was about. Of course it was. Fenton...Fenton was trying to prove that he accepted Phantom, his ghost self, with this misguided display of courage. Phantom shook his head, complex emotions swirling in his core. He didn't know whether to be touched or disappointed. His other half was trying, he was trying so hard. How had he been mad at Fenton earlier? But….this was stupidly courageous.
"You don't have to prove yourself to me." Phantom said quietly.
The ghost wasn't sure Fenton heard him. There was no response from the trembling human, except hyperventilating….Hyperventilating! A spike of panic surged through the ghost's core as he finally noticed Fenton's loosening grip around him.
"Fenton! Listen to me!" The ghost pleaded with wide eyes. The human's legs slid lower. "Fenton!"
"I'm...I'm going to fall!" Fenton cried, burying his head in Phantom's shoulder again.
"No you're not!" Phantom tightened his grip on the legs.
"I'm gonna fall. I'm gonna to die..again." The human choked out.
"No you're not!" Phantom yelled. He felt his other self wince behind him, the tear that fell onto his shoulder. Despite the fear pouring into him, the ghost clamped down on the panic. "I'm not gonna let you fall. I've got you." His voice was forcibly calm.
"No. No." Fenton shook his head.
"Yes. I've got you. You won't fall. I've got you Danny." Phantom projected as much confidence into his words as he could muster. "You can trust me. I won't let anything happen to us, okay?"
His other self stayed quietly shaking, terror pouring off of him. It flowed into the ghost through the now wide open connection between the pieces of their mind. But Phantom would not be overwhelmed. He would not be drowned by his own fear, not when his own life was at stake. And….maybe right now being split was a good thing. With that gap between his ghost and human self, Phantom could be steadfast and reliable, someone Fenton could trust. He pushed back with his own emotions. Calm, comfort, trust. It'll be okay, I promise but without words. He projected all of it, all of the patience, kindness, and fondness he could muster for his stupidly courageous other self.
Slowly, so slowly, Fenton's breathing calmed. His racing heart slowed and his trembling stopped. The wave of terror resided. It didn't vanish but it shrunk down to a more manageable fear. A trickle of gratitude brushed Phantom's core. "Thank you." His human self then muttered disappointedly. "I'm...I'm sorry I freaked out."
"It's okay. You're allowed to freak out." Phantom said kindly, before looking down. "And it's okay that you're not ready."
Fenton said nothing but Phantom imagined him frowning sadly.
After a moment, the ghost ventured. "I'm going to go ahead and land."
He started lowering them slowly before Fenton quietly said. "Wait." Phantom paused. "I...I'm going to open my eyes."
The ghost frowned, concerned. "You don't have to."
"I know but…. I can do it. I'm calm now. And I won't look down." A hint of humor entered his voice. Then the human sighed. "Alright, I'm doing it." He tensed for a moment, another spike of fear going through both Dannys before Fenton took a deliberate deep breath.
Neither said anything for a while, Phantom bracing for another anxiety attack. Then Fenton let out a small gasp.
"What is it?" Phantom asked, worriedly.
Instead of trembling like the ghost expected, the human's awe-filled voice rang out above his head. "It's...it's so beautiful."
Phantom looked up, taking in the dark star-filled sky above them. If he had to breathe, his breath might have hitched in his throat as well. He'd seen this sight from several hundred feet in the air a few times now but it was still magnificent.
"This is so much clearer than when I dream it through your eyes." The human mussed softly. "I can feel the wind on my face and...it does kinda feel like floating in a pool." Fenton lowered his head so his chin was resting on Phantom's head. "Thank you for agreeing to do this."
A smile crept onto the ghost's face as the pair watched the sky in companionable silence. He felt Fenton's waning warriness and fear. His growing awe at the sight. The calm and peace that came from trusting his ghost half. Fenton trusted him, despite the initial fear. It was then Phantom felt a tickle of fondness from Fenton and a smile firmly plastered itself on his face. He hadn't felt fondness like that, this at peace with his other self since before they told Mom and Dad. It was so nice, neither wanted the moment to end.
But eventually it did. Fenton shifted slightly. "We should go ahead and land. We do have stuff to talk about."
"Yeah. We do." Phantom sighed before looking down. "Huh, we're right over the park." He glanced back up. "You wanna talk there?"
There was a new spike of nervousness from the human before clear agreement. "Sure."
With a nod, Ghost Danny started descending, a little faster than he meant to. A strangled cry escaped Fenton's throat and his grip tightened slightly. Phantom mentally cursed himself; he'd just managed to calm his other half, just to mess it up. He opened his mouth, apologies ready to pour out. Instead a startled yelp came out as the ghost touched down. Suddenly gravity reengaged. Failing to brace for the additional weight he was carrying (how did he and Fenton together, somehow weigh more than the whole Danny? Or...was he only used to carrying his weight and flying as a ghost?), Phantom fell over.
The ghost landed on his stomach, getting a mouthful of grass. "Umph!"
"Phantom!" His other half yelped, falling on top of him.
With uncoordinated limbs, the human rolled off of him. The ghost groaned slightly as he laid there with his face in the grass. That was a very undignified landing. At least the grass was soft. Frowning, Phantom turned to look at Fenton. The human was staring up at the sky, one hand over his heart. His chest moved up and down quickly but slowed as the shock leaked out of him. Then...he pinched his eyes shut and a mirthful sound burst from his lips. Laughter.
Phantom's eyes popped. His human was...laughing. He was laughing at what just happened. A spike of fear entered his core. Did he hit his head?
"Are you okay?" The ghost suddenly spit out the words.
Laughter still shaking his shoulders, the human noticed his gaze and turned his head. "Yeah. I'm fine."
Phantom furrowed his brows as he surveyed the other figure for injuries. No bruises or scraps were visible. Plus, if Fenton had been actually hurt, wouldn't the injury have transferred to his ghost as well? He shook his head. "Then why are you…?"
Fenton rolled onto his side and pushed himself into a sitting position. "It's just….how the heck in this our life?" He spread his arms. "I'm talking to myself in the middle of the park. And...and" He grinned. "We just went flying. I mean I don't think I've ever been that scared in my life but…" His voice filled with awe. "That was amazing."
The ghost's jaw dropped. That….he was not expecting that reaction. Phantom pushed himself up with his arms and sat down. "Really?"
His counterpart shook his head vigorously. "We...we should have tried that earlier. It was so...so awesome." He sighed. "I loved it."
Phantom's eyes widened in concern. "But...you were terrified. I could feel it."
"Yeah." Fenton shrugged. Then his eyes widened with fondness. "But you talked me down."
The words were said softly, tenderly, and full of such gratitude. It pricked something in Phantom's core and his expression softened. "Of course I did. I...I don't want you to be scared." He bit his lip. "But still...that was stupidly courageous. And...you didn't have to do that."
The human's expression fell. "Yes, I did." He said suddenly sober.
"No you-" Phantom argued.
But he was cut off by his other self's raised hand. "Let me finish. I...I'm so tired of being scared. Of everything. Of the accident, the portal, dying. What Mom and Dad think or our classmates or friends. Our future. Of being different. Of changing. Of….you." Phantom paled; his heart would have skipped a beat if it was currently inside his chest. At the same time, Fenton looked down, shame coloring his face. "It's...it's not the same kind of fear as before. It's not like 'ah there's a scary ghost'" He waved his hands as if miming fearful shock. "I know..I know being a ghost it's not...this..this foreign thing. It's...you're a part of me. And I don't… I don't want to stamp you out or get rid of you. I can't...I don't want to ignore or suppress you either but…." rubbing the back of his neck, he finally looked up at his ghost. "I'm still scared. I'm still scared of being Danny Phantom." His voice quieted into a whisper. "And...I think...no, I know the merge failed because of me. Because I'm a coward who's still scared of being who I'm supposed to be. That's why I've been distant. I haven't wanted to admit that." He clenched his fist. "And I thought trying to fly with you would prove that I wasn't a coward, that I was trying to embrace what I am now but...you felt what happened."
The human looked down, shame and guilt washing through him. And Phantom felt it. Of course he did. Earlier, before talking to Jazz, he might have been surprised but now...he knew his own mind. He knew and understood his own fears, his own guilt. And he knew that they- he and Fenton together- needed to address those feelings.
Phantom shuffled forwards until he was sitting right in front of Fenton, their crossed knees touching. "You don't have to prove anything to me."
Fenton looked up. "Well...I needed to prove it to myself."
"We're the same person." Phantom titled his head. "So proving something to yourself is proving it to me and I'm saying you don't have to."
"But-" Fenton started.
The ghost reached forward and took his human's hand. "We've already made progress and… you're still trying. I can see and feel that you are. You don't need to prove that you're not scared and force yourself to do more. You just need to try." He looked down. "I'm sorry I didn't see that sooner."
Fenton shook his head. "I know. I know that we've already come a long way but….." He drew his knees to his chest. "We're still not where we're supposed to be but we should be there by now. The merging still failed. And it was because of me."
Phantom's core felt like it would shatter, partly from feeling his other half's pain and partly because...that pain was doubly self inflicted. "I'm sorry." The ghost whispered looking down. "I'm sorry. Before...before we agreed to talk to Mom and Dad...I said that you were the one who threw me away."
Fenton looked up. "I was...I did." He swallowed. "I did throw you away."
"No." Phantom shook his head. "I...I shouldn't have blamed you. We're the same person so if there's any blame, any guilt, it needs to be equal, shared. That...the decision to split was both of ours. But anyway…." he met Fenton's eyes, voice becoming determined. "It's natural...it's human to be afraid of something that you don't understand."
Fenton tilted his head, confusion creeping onto his face. "What are you getting at?"
"I'm saying….you..I..we don't need to be guilty about being afraid of this." He waved up and down his body. "It's okay to still be struggling, to be uncomfortable and uneasy and…" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm the ghost half and I'm struggling with being a ghost."
"You are?" Fenton asked, slight surprise in his voice.
"Yes. I don't know how to be a ghost." Phantom raised his arms. "I've only been like this for a month, even counting before the ghost catcher. And...I miss being human or...being able to turn human."
The human blinked at him, face thoughtful for a few moments. "I think...I miss it too. That...cold feeling in my veins. The pulsing of our core in my chest, right where my heart is." His brow furrowed. "Part of it is..I miss being whole but after flying with you...I miss being part ghost."
Now it was Phantom's turn to stare. "You...miss being part ghost?"
Fenton nodded. "Yeah. It doesn't make much sense. Like you said, we were only like that for a month before the ghost catcher. And I remember being terrified and freaked out by what was happening to me but...I miss it." He frowned. "How can I be so scared of something but want it at the same time?"
"I don't know." Phantom's shoulders feel. It wasn't a surprise he didn't know. Apparently no part of him understood this fear and longing that somehow went hand in hand. But at the same time, hope crept into his core. Fenton...he not just wanted to be whole, but to be half ghost, a hybrid, a human and a ghost at the same time. The person they were supposed to be. The real, whole Danny.
There was hope for them, wasn't there? Hope that they together could accept what had happened and what they'd become. Maybe they could even embrace and learn to love it. Because both sides of him wanted to. And while just wanting it alone wasn't enough to make progress, it was the first step, a large and difficult first step. They could keep taking steps, keep making progress. Phantom knew what his other self, all of him really, needed to understand. He knew what he, as the ghost half, needed to do.
"So where does that leave us?" Fenton asked after a long moment of silence. He'd poured out his heart, the fears and guilt entrapping him. And his other half had listened, sharing those feelings. Then the ghost surprised him with that apology, the lack of blame, the admission that he too was uncomfortable being a ghost and that was okay.
Phantom looked up, meeting his eyes. "We need to let go of this guilt."
Fenton blinked. "What?"
"All of it. About being afraid and uncomfortable. About hurting Mom and Dad. About worrying Sam, Tucker, and Jazz. About the failed merge and ghost catcher."
The human bit his lip. "But-"
"No." Phantom held up a hand. "Like everyone's been saying, we didn't know this would happen when we used the ghost catcher. And we'd never do it again so they're not reason to be guilty." Then his expression softened. "And maybe the merging failed because...you were scared. We weren't at peace but… that wasn't just you. I was...I...I am scared too. And this...this tension, this discord between us...it's not just from you. It's mine too."
Phantom paused for a moment, examining his frowning counterpart. More guilt and sadness assaulted Fenton's heart. Part of him wanted to argue; there was still reason to feel guilty about the ghost catcher. He still felt bad about the merge failing, that he couldn't be who he was supposed to be because of this fear he couldn't shake.
"You don't need to but you still feel guilty, don't you?" The ghost continued. He pulled himself up to his knees before leaning forward and wrapping his arms around his other self. "You did nothing wrong, Fenton. I'm sorry I was ever angry with you for that. But I want to let it go, all that stuff we've been beating ourselves up about. And I forgive you." Fenton blinked, confusion swirling through his head but there was a wave of understanding, of kindness, of peace from his other self. "I know you can forgive yourself too."
Fenton stared forward for a moment, his mind struggling to process. Then shakily, he wrapped his arms around his other self, returning the hug. "I...I don't…" He closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry. I don't..."
Concern brushed the human from his other half. The ghost squeezed him slightly before pulling back and frowning. "Danny, we don't have to hold on to all this baggage. We need to let it go." A gloved hand squeezed his shoulder. "So please stop being so stubborn."
The human considered the words, the plea to let go of his guilt. He understood what his ghost half was saying and why he needed to let go of this baggage. It was holding him down, drowning him. This guilt was even a huge source of disunity between him and Phantom. But...that was so much easier said than done. Could he do that, let go of this guilt about trying to get rid of his ghost half and failing when they tried to fuse? At the same time…..Phantom was willing to let this go. Phantom, his ghost half, the part of himself he'd rejected and wronged, forgave him without reservation.
At the thought, Fenton studied the boy in front of him. Phantom was a part of him, as Fenton was a part of Phantom. Yet somehow, the ghost kept surprising him. He wasn't sure how but he kept discovering things in Phantom that he hadn't known were inside himself. That much patience, that much grace…. He'd..they'd...the whole Danny had always had a problem being too hard on himself, haunted by lingering guilt and shame of past mistakes and internal flaws. But….somehow Phantom was kind and forgiving of those faults.
"Ummmm... are you okay? You're...staring." Phantom bit his lip, shaking Fenton out of his thoughts.
The human blushed. "Sorry. It's just….how are we the same person?"
The ghost's eyes widened in concern. "Why...what's that supposed to mean?"
Fenton shook his head, realizing what his strange question, the sudden change in subject must have sounded like. "I mean...how are you being so...nice about this after everything? All this tension between us, me ignoring you, yelling at our friends." He bit his lip, shame coloring his face. "I just...I can't imagine being as patient and forgiving as you're being right now."
The ghost blinked at him, a myriad of emotions covering his face. Fenton should see...and feel the wheels turning, his other self trying to process. His lips turned down. "Well….that's." He shook his head, a slightly awed look on his face. "Obviously, we're capable of more than we think." He wrung his hands. "And...I'm trying to remember what Jazz said when we talked earlier."
"What did she say?" Fenton tilted his head.
"A lot of things. Mainly that the two of us needed to talk and...not be afraid of dealing with our issues. She said that..getting where we're supposed to be would take time, maybe a long time. So we need to be patient with ourselves."
"Oh." The human gave a slightly tensing smile. "So you're only being nice to me 'cause Jazz said so."
The ghost narrowed his eyes before playfully punching his other half in the shoulder. "Course not." Then his expression turned more serious. "But she did have a point. We don't know how long it will take to figure out how to refuse and...just doing that won't solve our problems if we're still not at peace with each other."
"Yeah." Fenton said, with a nod.
"So, what do you say?" Phantom asked after a moment. "About letting go of the guilt?"
Most of Fenton's previous levity leaked out. He bit his lip. "I don't know if I can promise that." Phantom's expression fell and Fenton almost regretted the words. "But… I will try."
"Oh." Phantom shrugged sadly.. "That's all I can ask, I guess."
Phantom's expression pricked the human's heart. He looked so disappointed, so sad, so hurt again. Obviously he'd hoped his kind words and actions would provoke an instant change in outlook from his human. And while the words were uplifting and encouraging, as much as Fenton wished he could just turn off his guilt and other negative emotions, letting go would take time.
Fenton swallowed. "I think….I can promise you something though." Phantom looked up at him and the human boy gave him a subdued though sincere smile. "No more hiding. No more avoiding." He put a hand on his other half's knee. "No more blocking you out."
The ghost blinked at him for a second before tilting his head. "You mean that."
It wasn't a question and for once, Fenton wasn't surprised at his other self's certainty. "Yes. Of course. It was stupid trying to hide what I was thinking and feeling from you in the first place."
"It kinda was but…" Phantom rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't share or push you to talk either."
"Yeah." Fenton frowned. "But...we can change that. Be open with each other. Honest about what we're feeling and thinking. Just..talk about things, since… that's our only option now.."
"Hey." The ghost offered his other self a gentle smile. "Even if we can't actually merge yet...we can act like two halves of a whole." Phantom took his human's hand. "I know I want to go back to being one Danny as much as you do but...we can make the best of this while we're split. Maybe we can see and learn some new things about ourself." His smile widened. "Since you keep surprising me too."
Fenton hummed thoughtfully. "Why do you think that is?"
Phantom shrugged. "Maybe it's being split. Maybe it's becoming a ghost. That's new and...most of the things I can do as a ghost surprise me."
The human nodded in response. There was still so much he didn't know about his powers, about being a ghost but...they were learning. And… he smiled. "I did learn one important thing tonight….I think I like flying."
His other self's eyes lit up. "Really?"
"Yeah. I'm...it definitely scares me but… the view is worth it."
Phantom looked up. "The stars do look better from the sky than the ground." He then grinned. "And you haven't even felt what flying fast really feels like."
Fenton's jaw dropped. "That wasn't fast?"
"Nope." The ghost popped the P. "That was barely crawling compared to what we can really do."
The human paled slightly. "I think we're gonna need to wait on that. But...we'll get there, I know we will."
As Fenton said it, he felt confident and he sensed confident agreement from his other half. The boy sighed contentedly for the first time in a long time. Returning his smile, Phantom floated off the ground and shifted in the air until he came to sit beside his other half. One ghostly arm wrapped around Fenton and the human returned the favor. The pair sat side by side, both heads turned towards the star-filled sky. As a silent pause lingered between the two, both enjoyed a movement of peace between their two halves. Both felt close, in unity. Their emotions clearly and freely communicated between the two parts of their mind. Memories trickled through as well. Fenton saw the lazy day at home with books and video games, the conversation with Jazz. For Phantom, memories of school, that conversation in Hot Topic with their friends. And it felt good, sharing everything again even those hard conversations, the very ones that led to this moment. For once, they were two halves working in concert, instead of the warring pieces they had been. The human's shoulders relaxed. This...this was a good sign, that they could let go of the guilt, quench the fear, and embrace who and what they really were.
The sounds of insects, the bubbling of a stream trickled into Fenton's ears. The breeze caressed him. And the sight...was it more vivid than before? The grass, the last summer flowers, the buzzing insects….he could see the details, the colors much more clearly than his human eyes. Wait...was he seeing out of Phantom's eyes? Or where his glowing? Was..he seeing out of both pairs but side by side the images were near identical? And how...how had he not noticed this before? Or why hadn't Phantom said anything? It was all so...capativing, so beautiful and a small measure of joy entered Fenton's heart. Was this what seeing the night was as a ghost? If it was…he loved this part of being a ghost.
If Fenton had been more clear headed, he might have been more surprised at the ghostly vision. Or realized he just found something he loved about being a ghost, something that held no fear. But in the quiet, Fenton's heart rate and breathing was slowing. The peace within and without almost lulled him to sleep.
Then something poked his shoulder. "Come on. We need to head back."
Fenton was jolted back to consciousness. He rubbed his eyes. "Yeah. I should probably sleep in our bed, not in the middle of the park."
With a nod, Phantom floated to his feet. He then offered his hand to his counterpart. Fenton took the help, allowing his ghost to pull him to his feet.
"I'll go ahead and fly us home." The ghost looked at him with a concerned frown. "Are you gonna be okay?"
Fenton blinked once before understanding the question. "Yeah. I still trust you." He said with more confidence than the first time. "And...I won't get over this fear unless I try to."
"Alright." Phantom raised a brow. He looked up and down the sleepy figure. "I'm not sure piggy back's the best idea…"
"Ugg." Fenton gave a slight groan. "Bridal style then."
The ghost gave an amused chuckle. "I mean...I could carry you over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes."
The human frowned and then crossed his arms. "I guess I'll just be the damsel in distress then."
"My lady." Grinning, Phantom gave a mock bow. With a faux annoyed scowl, Fenton pushed him, causing the ghost to wabble in the air before laughing. "Maybe I will just carry you over my shoulder."
Fenton shrieked in the blink of an eye, the ghost scooped him up before throwing him over his shoulder. "Phantom! Put me down." He started laughing.
"Why should I?" Phantom lifted a few feet into the air and twirled.
His human squirmed but still laughed. "Phantom! Stop."
"I don't know….this had got to be more dignified than the alternative."
"My...my dignity's already shot." Fenton panted through chuckles. "Just carry me bridal style."
With that, Phantom put him down. The two stood and floated for a moment, identical laughter ringing out before quieting.
"Alright." Fenton shook his head. "I'm ready to go."
Still smiling, Phantom gently scooped him up and after letting his human adjust his arm around this ghost's neck, the pair started back towards Fentonworks.
Note:
So with this chapter, this story passes 100K words which I can hardly believe. When I started it, I had no idea this story would grow this extensive and they're still a ways to go (8 chapters at least but who knows how many of those will get broken up into multiple chapters). With that being said, I'm still so grateful for everyone's that still sticking with me. I always look forward to your comments and encouragement. This story definitely would not have gone on as long as it have if not for you guys so thank you so much!