Dark and mature themes ahead, skip if you need to.
Chapter 81: Punked
Flack and Gus sat across from each other in the pit, not talking, both catching up on paperwork and stealing glances at each other when the other wasn't looking, still trying to find the delicate balance of sleeping together outside of work and being professional in the precinct. Both were relieved when they got a call out so they could focus their energies elsewhere.
"Super called it in, went to collect already late rent, found him when he opened the door," the uniform said at the scene. "We haven't finished sweeping the place though and got another call."
"We got it, thanks though, Patrick," Flack said, "I'll take the bedroom and bathroom, you take kitchen and office".
"On it," Gus said, walking in the other direction. She had just opened the door to the closet in the office when she heard Flack scream, "Stop NYPD!" and heard the footsteps.
They were on the first floor so the suspect was out the back door in a second. "I'll get the car," Flack yelled, "you take the alley."
Gus took off into the alley that ran alongside the building. It opened onto another street, she surveyed, weapon drawn trying to figure out if he had hid or ran. She bet on ran and had just passed the dumpster when she felt the impact to her stomach. Gus fell backwards, barely taking in the blur of motion as the man threw the pipe he had hit her with. Gus realized she couldn't breathe, he must have hit her diaphragm good. Gus could hear her radio, but couldn't answer it. She finally was able to take a breath and rejoiced when she realized she hadn't cracked a rib. She scrambled to her feet and took off after him, pissed off now.
She ran toward the other street as Flack screeched to a stop, flying out of the car, panicked and yelling, "where the hell were you? You didn't answer your radio!"
Gus yelled back, "he caught me in the alley with a pipe, it's nothing, I just couldn't catch my breath to answer."
Flack narrowed his eyes but lowered his voice, "well it's damn good I didn't catch up with him and have him pull a gun on me or anything."
Gus' voice dripped with contempt, "what's that supposed to mean?"
Flack kept his voice steady and cold, "you are supposed to be my back up."
"I'm sorry next time I'll tell the perp that before he clocks me with a galvanized pipe!" Gus retorted, her cheeks bright red.
Flack sighed, running his hand through his hair, "dammit, it's just you've never not been there to back me up before, no matter how klutzy you have been."
Gus narrowed her eyes at him, "excuse me, speed racer but you have half a foot on me, physics has you winning every time even if I was a freaking ballerina out there!"
"You were close to him," Flack pointed out.
"Apparently too close!" Gus said, her voice rising again.
Flack couldn't figure out why he was arguing with her other than being perturbed that they had lost a perp and how his heart had stopped when he couldn't get her on her radio. Gus suddenly doubled over in pain. "Gus, crap, I'm sorry let's get you checked out"
"I don't need another damn incident report at a scene!"
"You could have internal bleeding."
"The guy swung like a girl, it's just caught me off guard. I'll go if the pain doesn't stop."
Gus walked back to the crime scene, trying to walk off the pain, something wasn't right, but she wasn't about to admit that to Flack, especially not after his klutz comment. She found Lindsay processing the scene.
Lindsay took one look at her friend and asked, "Gus are you alright?"
Gus tried to put on a brave face, "yeah, asshole blindsided me in the alley and I lost him. Flack is none too pleased."
"I bet," Lindsay paused for a long beat, longing for some one on one girl time with her friend. "I, uh, don't suppose you could hang tonight, I could use some friend time, I've had a lot going on recently."
"Sure thing," Gus agreed, thinking it would be nice to focus on something else other than Flack reaming her a new one about not having his back.
Back at the precinct, Gus walked into the lab, trying to ignore the fact that her insides felt like they were being torn from her body. She also realized she was covered in alley grime and slush. Sheheaded off to the showers, happy that no one was in the locker room. She turned the water on, as hot as it would go, the room quickly filling with steam. She pulled a towel out of her locker and tore off her clothes, balling them up and throwing them on the floor of the locker. She stood under the spray, wanting to drown in it, when she looked down and noticed the drops of blood. Fear gripped her and then a slow dawning realization shed over her. When was the last time she had reached for the box under the sink…
"Shit," she uttered, putting together the puzzle pieces, the night of the Fed case, when Don came over and didn't reach for her nightstand, her lingering exhaustion, her moodiness, and why the coffee she had bought them this morning turned her stomach. The realization turned into relief, the consequences of that night were a complication she could definitely not handle right now. The universe had taken care of things for her, but she still felt a shroud of guilt fall over her.
Redressed and somewhat put together, she walked to the pit. Flack was at his desk, still not looking happy to see her.
Gus tentatively asked, her voice still strained, "no luck I take it?"
"Vanished, I'm waiting on financial records now." He noticed her hair was wet and her face free of make-up. "You showered," he remarked.
"Just the alley grime. Listen, I think maybe I do need to, um, get looked at, but I really don't want it in my file, so can you..." Gus gestured.
Flack's face filled with concern, "you want me to come with?"
"No," she protested, though she wasn't sure why she was, "I just… can you cover for me?"
"Always," he said, searching her face in hopes of defining what was going on.
She walked to the hospital hoping to clear her head. She headed to the E/R of Mercy finding one of the nurses that had patched her or a suspect up in the past.
"Detective what brings you in today?" the nurse asked, looking the other woman up and down, not seeing anything visible.
Gus leaned over the nurses station, "I had something happen in the field, but I can't get another incident report."
"I see, I'll fast track you," she replied, taping away on the computer before leading Gus to a gurney and pulling the curtain, settling her in and quickly taking a vial of blood.
Not too much later a female doctor came in, ducking around the curtain without opening it. "What seems to bring you in today, Detective?" she asked with an eyebrow raised.
"I caught the wrong end of a pipe to my lower abdomen," Gus said, trying to figure out how to say it.
"And we are keeping this off the record?" The doctor asked, her brow wrinkled.
"It's just, I know I was technically in the field, but what happened shouldn't have happened and I would be fine except, you see the thing is, I didn't realize because I certainly wasn't trying to and I'm really careful, safety first is even like a joke between my partner and I…" the words tumbled out of her mouth, tears forming in her eyes.
The doctor studied her, noticing how she had unconsciously laid a hand on her lower stomach, almost protectively. "You think you might have been pregnant?" she said, clicking over the to the blood test results and Gus' answers to the intake questionnaire.
"Yeah, maybe, was," Gus' voice cracked.
The doctor nodded, putting the pieces together. "Detective Broussard, I'm going to have to do a full exam," she turned to the nurse, "can you roll the ultrasound machine over, I need to rule out additional internal bleeding." The nurse nodded prepping the machine.
She was quick and gentle, Gus lying back, trying to not cry, to not feel anything, happy for her ability to disassociate practically on command.
The doctor finished up, handing her a wipe. "The good news is you have no internal bleeding, however it appears that you had what is known as clinical spontaneous abortion due to trauma. Given the date of your last period, I would guess you were about seven weeks along. You should be fine, but I suggest you follow you follow up with your OB/GYN to make sure, maybe discuss alternate birth control options?" she gently suggested. Gus nodded, looking miserable and guilty. The doctor took a deep breath, patting the younger woman on her leg, "you may want to take a day or two off. I'm sorry for your loss."
Gus wondered how many times she had said those same words, but they also really didn't mean anything. How could a thing, a mistake she didn't even know about until today be a loss? Gus walked out of the hospital feeling confused and relieved that Lindsay was coming over.
She was curled on the couch with a comforter, heating pad, and a melting pint of ice cream when Lindsay knocked on the door.
"Whoa, I thought I was having a bad week," Lindsay said passing Gus a bag of margarita fixings and gesturing to the table.
"Yeah well, it's been one hell of a day," Gus growled.
"No kidding," Lindsay replied, deftly stealing Gus' forgotten ice cream, "week, month, year," she said through a mouthful of chocolate. "Wanna tell me about it?"
Gus wrinkled her nose, "forget about me, come tell me what's going on with you?"
"It's a long story," Lindsay said, blowing her curls off her forehead.
"I've got supplies," Gus smirked as Lindsay scraped at the pint of ice cream.
"For which I am thankful, except I might need Doc Broussard for this," she sighed.
"I'll give you a good rate." Gus was more than happy to throw herself into some one else's issues.
Lindsay curled up on the other end of the couch and launched into the horribly sad story of the summer when she was fourteen. She was crying by the end, Gus hugged her tight.
"Linds, that's awful, and you've been carrying that around all this time?"
Lindsay nodded, "I thought I was past it, but now that it is going to trial..."
"When?" Gus asked, imagining how difficult this must be for her friend.
"Soon. I got the subpoena this week".
"If you need anything, and I mean anything, I will do it. Fly to Montana, hide a body in a swamp, I am there for you."
"Thanks Gus, now what about you?" Lindsay asked, her brown eyes wide with concern.
Just then Gus' house phone rang, few people had that number, but she couldn't not answer it with Lindsay sitting right there. "Just hold on one sec" Gus said heading into her office to answer it.
"Broussard," she said sinking into the leather chair behind the desk, throwing her feet over the side.
"Gus, what the hell is going on?" Flack screamed at her so loud Gus had to hold the phone away from her ear.
"Nothing, I'm hanging out with Lindsay."
"Your cell is off, hospital has no report of you being there and you just disappeared!"
"You called the hospital?" she hissed quietly.
"No, I went by when you didn't answer your effing phone."
"I'm fine, it's nothing, I just need to take it easy for a day or so," she mumbled.
"Take it easy for what? I thought you weren't hurt!" His voice was filled with anger, confusion and concern.
"I'll be fine, Don," she said, her voice putting up walls.
"What are you doing Gus, why are you shutting me out?"
"I'm not," Gus protested, knowing she was lying.
"Yes you are," Flack's voice wavered.
"So what?" Gus snipped.
Flack just dove in, "So what? Are you kidding me right now? If you shut me out, our partnership doesn't have a leg to stand on. Neither of us will have each other's backs!"
"Then maybe I need a new partner," she replied, complete detached from her words, her voice robotic.
"Well then maybe we both do!" Flack didn't meant it, but he felt something snap in his heart when she so coldly said she wanted a new partner.
Gus hung up the phone as tears fell from her face.
"Gus, I know I didn't just hear what I thought I did," Lindsay said coming in, shocked beyond belief and further stunned by Gus' sobbing.
"Lindsay, that wasn't what I meant to tell him, it just got mixed up, I am...was pregnant," Gus buried her face in her hands.
"What, who?" Lindsay had a million questions but was more concerned with getting her friend out of the office and to the couch.
Gus didn't speak until she was back curled up with the comforter,"I didn't even know until today in the alley when I took a pipe to my stomach and then, I wasn't anymore," she finished.
"Well you have to call him back and tell him that!" Lindsay demanded.
"What for, what good would that do anyone? It was an accident, we've only been together a couple of months," Gus said, resignedly.
"Wow," Lindsay said leaning back with a pint of ice cream, "being grown up sucks."
"Preach it to the choir sister," Gus said, wiping her face.
Lindsay gingerly rested a hand on her friend's back. "You don't really want a new partner do you?"
"I don't know, it's just I think we have gotten too close lately, it's scary," Gus admitted.
Lindsay fought back rolling her eyes. "You guys have always been close, you do that weird not speaking but still talking thing, you have done that since before you were even a detective!"
"That's different, things were fine until..." Gus trailed off, picking at a thread on her comforter.
"Until what?", Lindsay gently prodded.
"I fell in love with him," Gus admitted mournfully.
Lindsay couldn't help but smile, "don't say that like it is a bad thing Gus!"
Gus shook her head in protest. "It is! Lindsay everyone I have ever loved has died or run away. And I can't handle losing Don."
"So you push him away? Come on. And be serious, I saw how you were last May in the hospital, you have loved Don for a long time, you just weren't sleeping with him then. You have to tell him."
"I don't know how," Gus searched Lindsay's face.
"You'll figure it out, but you better figure it out soon!" Lindsay said, going to pour them more drinks.
Chapter 82: Choices Taken
The next day, Flack went into Mac's office. "You got a minute?" Flack asked with hesitant concern.
"Sure, Don, is this about a case?"
"No, it's about Gus," Flack rubbed his neck, sheepishly.
Mac sighed, this is exactly why he thought one of them should request a transfer if they insisted upon being in a relationship. "What about her?"
Flack spit out, "she took leave."
"Over the perp yesterday?" Mac asked incredulously, he heard they had lost a suspect, but it wasn't like his niece to hide, it was more like her to work a case 24/7 until it was done.
Flack nodded, "she got hit by the perp."
Mac's voice and eyes filled with concern, "did she get checked out?"
"She said she was fine but, I don't know...it is like something happened to her, something snapped.". Flack shrugged, trying to act like it wasn't a big deal, but he was really shaken.
Mac studied Flack, the concern clear on his face. He was shaken and, was that scared? Mac wasn't used to seeing Flack scared. He decided to question him, but to act like he hadn't spoken to Gus. "What is going on between you two?"
"We are partners, you remember what that was like Mac, you do a hell of a lot of talking in a cruiser."
Mac set his face to steel, "I know it is more than that, I wrestled it out of Gus at Christmas."
Flack deflated, "she didn't tell me"
"Regardless, she also told me it wouldn't effect your work. Never mind, right now I guess I should be glad she has opened up to you."
"She was, but she closed right up again. Isn't talking to anyone except maybe Lindsay. Definitely not me, that much I know." Flack's voice was torn between contempt and sadness.
Mac was at a loss, "she never has talked to me much, unless I can get her distracted with something else."
"I just don't get it, we all get hurt in the field sometimes, she knows this, hell she more accident prone than anyone I met and has managed to survive it all like it was nothing. But a pipe to the gut and she falls apart?"
Mac felt wheels clicking but didn't say anything, he was taken back to a day several years ago to Claire huddled in the shower, crying, blood pouring down the drain after being kicked in the stomach by a would be mugger...
Flack studied the older detective, "what's up, Mac?"
Mac was torn, without knowing anything from Gus he didn't want to say anything. "Nothing, Flack, just give her a little space."
Despite Lindsay's protestations, Gus didn't speak to anyone until she went back to work, directly to her Lieutenant's office with her typed request. "Better now Broussard?" he asked nervously.
"Peachy, here, read this," she said handing him the letter.
He scanned in, crumpled it up and threw it in the trash, "request denied."
"What? Come on Loo!"
"Forget it, it's not happening you two are the best partners I got out there. I know all about you out in the field, heard you can talk without saying anything, you know what the other is going to do before it happens, and you always work in sync and while that is kinda creepy, it's an asset. You two clear more cases together and that looks good for me and it makes the captain happy and what makes him happy makes me ecstatic. So no. I don't care what happened out there, kiss and make up! Listen, I know you got hit in the stomach and maybe it did more damage here than here," he gestured to his head and then his gut, "but I am, shocked that you are having such issues loosing one perp. You're tough and you do that weird voodoo thing with the witnesses and suspects."
"It's psychology Loo, y'all use it too."
"Not the same way. Just get outta here with your request, it ain't gonna happen."
"Fine," Gus yelled, storming out.
Flack came in and saw Gus at her desk, she didn't look up even when he brought her coffee. "What we ain't talking anymore?" he asked.
"You like working alone better anyway, why you did it for so long," Gus pointed out.
"Before you," Flack protested.
"Well you can now do it after me."
"So be it," Flack growled storming to the lieutenant's office. "Loo, I want to go back to working solo" Flack said bursting in.
"Look I'll tell you the same thing I told Broussard when she came in here with her fancy written request, 'Never gonna happen'. Flack absorbed the fact that Gus had already been in here.
"You two are the best I got and I'm not about to go meddling with that. Work out whatever it is you gotta work out. Frankly I don't care if you have to work out that sexual tension that is always flying around the two of you just don't tell me about it."
"What?" Flack was incredulous.
"Look. I know she got hit in the field, maybe it just scared her or something, why after all the crap she has gotten into, but women are weird. I don't know, you talk to her because it's not like she's gonna tell me anything. So request denied. I could not deny it more." Flack just stood there. "Get out of here, go, take her with you I don't want to see either of you until at least tomorrow. Most people would consider this a gift." Flack tightened his jaw and spun on his heel. "New partner, back to solo," Daddino scoffed, "like hell."
Come on, sunshine, we're leaving," Flack said hauling Gus out of her chair.
"What the hell, Flack?"
"Apparently your little written request pissed of Daddino and now we have to sort things out, so we are going to go do just that. Assuming you can communicate like an adult."
Gus considered this, "fine."
"Where do you want to go?" Flack asked once they were in the car.
Gus felt like crying but snarked, "Tahiti."
"Baring that?" Flack asked, trying to not grin, at least he still caught glimmers of same old Gus.
"Home, I guess," she replied, staring out the window.
Pulling up at her building Flack didn't unlock the door. "Gus, please, we have to talk," he pleaded.
Gus saw such sadness in his face that she cracked, "fine, but can we go into Gramercy, it'll be empty."
"Whatever you want." He followed her into the park, which was completely empty. Gus started walking, hugging herself. Flack wanted to stop her, to reach out to her, to hold her. "Look, I know I was a jerk. You always have my back, you didn't asked to be hit with a pipe."
"Just walk for a minute, Flack, please." He nodded, and they did a couple of laps around the park. Finally she spoke up, "things just seem like they have gotten confusing between us lately. It's been hard to compartmentalize between work partners and romantic partners and sometimes I feel like you are always there and I'm scared."
"We all get scared sometimes, Gus, we are out here doing a dangerous and tough job," he pointed out.
"Us, scared about us, scared about…" she trailed off, "I didn't mean for this to happen."
"Didn't mean for what to happen?" Flack asked, trying to keep with her mind, knowing it was running at full speed. Gus shrugged, not answering. "Why did you freak out so much after getting hit?"
Gus stopped and turned and stared at him, letting out a heavy sigh. "I can't lie to you, but I don't know if I can tell you."
"You can tell me anything, sunshine," he cajoled.
"Even if it means it will change everything? Added to the fact that I am stuck with you as a partner no matter what it seems."
"What could change everything?" Flack had a sudden horrible thought, "you haven't met someone else have you?"
"No, god no, I couldn't imagine..." Gus trailed off, she just had to spit it out. "Remember a couple of months ago when the fed got executed?"
"Yeah, that was a rough case, crap week and I took it out on you." He felt awash with shame, but couldn't figure out why it was just coming up now.
"So, uh, I think something happened that night," Gus started in.
"Look if that's what this is about, I'm sorry I apologized for it then, I shouldn't have used you, you mean so much more to me than a piece of ass-" he trailed off.
"I love you, Gus" he said at the same instant she said, "I was pregnant, Don."
"What?" they both exclaimed.
Gus started in, "I didn't even realize it until after I got hit and I went to the doctor and the blood test confirmed it, and it wasn't like it was anything really, it wasn't like I was going to keep it but, then I didn't even know until I didn't have a choice and-" Gus was babbling but stopped when she saw Flack's face.
Love and anger merged incongruently, "you were pregnant?" Gus teared up, looked down and nodded slightly. "So why didn't you tell me after you went to the hospital?" he said his voice full of anguish.
"Because I felt like an idiot, I have a doctorate but got knocked up like some stupid teenager? It's not like we're.." she trailed off, not sure what they were or what she wanted them to be.
Flack sat down, trying to sort through things. "So you wanted a new partner because you felt like an idiot?" He looked up at her with confusion.
She looked down at him, scowling. "No, so you wouldn't judge me like you are now."
"I'm not judging you, it's just a lot," he admitted.
"I wanted to tell you, Don, but I didn't know how you would react," she said as fat hot tears rolled onto her scarf, melting the snow flakes that had started to fall.
Flack looked up at her, she was obviously miserable and struggling, over something that was just as much his responsibility. "Sunshine, I ain't always gonna react right but you gotta at least give me a chance," he said drawing her close to him.
"Don't," she said struggling. He held tighter. "I'm serious, don't do this if you don't mean it, because I'm not so sure I can do this..."
"I mean it, like I meant when I said I love you just now," he replied, tipping her chin up and looking deep into her eyes.
"Even though I got knocked up and then got your kid killed by being bad at my job?" she quipped.
"I helped in that and it wasn't a kid, and you weren't bad at your job, I regret making you think that you were," he said, still holding on to her.
"I just can't handle the thought of you thinking I'm not there for you. I'm trying but I'm worried I can't be a good enough partner for you in any way!" she protested, her fears spilling out.
"I'm not going to stop loving you, Gus, possibly not ever, but I need you to not hold things back. You can't shut me out again," he pleased.
"I don't want to, because dammit I love you too," she said into his chest.
He realized that even if they were nowhere near ready for a kid, the choice had been taken from them by that asshole with a pipe and that wasn't fair. He tipped her chin up again and kissed her lightly, as light as the very first time he ever kissed her, and then drew her back to his chest. "I'm so sorry Gus, you shouldn't have to carry this alone".
"I'll be fine. If we'll be fine that is," she said with a sigh.
"We never stopped be fine, we just had an argument, bound to happen," he held her, the snow falling down on them, beginning to stick to the ground. "Let me take you inside, it's cold out here, Gus".
"It can't be just this easy, Don."
"I'm not saying it is easy, I'm saying it is cold and I love you and we will figure things out together and inside and later," he replied, looking exhausted.
Gus sighed, staring up at the sky and following him inside. She wanted more than anything to believe that everything would be fine.
Gus let Flack lead her inside, wordlessly. They didn't speak as they took off their coats, shoes and scarves. They didn't talk as Gus curled up on the couch or as Flack went to make her tea in the kitchen. They didn't talk as he came back, standing there with a steaming mug and a face full of pain. They didn't talk as Gus' let the hot tears fall freely down her face, hugging her knees to her chest. They didn't talk as Flack gently placed the mug down and sat beside her, hesitantly at first, and then more boldly pulling Gus into his arms and lap and just letting her cry. They didn't talk as she sobbed, and he teared up and patted her back.
Curled in bed much later, Gus sighed as Flack slid into bed beside her. "You need anything?" he asked her for the hundredth time.
"No," she said weakly.
"Why do you feel you have to face everything alone?" Flack asked her back, she hadn't uncurled from the ball she was in.
She didn't say anything for a moment and finally she uncurled, rolled towards him and propped her head up, "Don, I don't know anything other than alone. You just can't understand," she said in a pleading tone.
"Not if you don't explain it to me."
"I have, every way I know how. I am cursed, I want to love you with everything, but I don't want you to be hurt because of it."
"I am not going to believe in some curse."
"You believe in ghosts." He just looked at her. "It was probably my fault you got blown up last year, why do you think I let you live here with no argument?"
"You got to let that go, besides it was my fault you got knocked up," he tried to pass it as a joke but it fell heavy between them on the bed, "I am sorry you know," he said softly.
"It's over now," she looked imploringly into his blue eyes, wincing as they darkened.
He sat up, leaning against the headboard. "I'm glad he got away from us, because I'm not sure what I would do if I got my hands on him," he seethed.
"Don, please, let's just let it go," she pleaded, not wanting him to get worked up again.
"Are you sure you don't need anything?" he asked again.
"Just sleep" she said looking at him with wide eyes, "and you, now matter how much I try to ignore it, I need you."
"You got me," Flack said pulling her into another hug.
Chapter 83: Parked
When they woke up, Flack was curled around Gus, holding her tightly to him. "Are we still okay?" was the first thing Gus said.
"Gus, come on now, of course we are," Flack said, squeezing her tight.
She climbed out of bed, stretching, her pajama top swimming on her, "come on or we'll be late" she said looking at the clock.
"You don't have to go in."
"Yeah, I do. Being at work is better than being in my head."
"If you say so, now how about I go make us some coffee?" Flack said, already heading out of the room.
"What are we doing?" she asked, following him.
"Whaddya mean?" he replied, stepping into the kitchen.
"You and I, exactly how are we defining this?"
Flack placed his palms on the counter and shook his head while the coffee dripped into the pot. "Babe, I don't know how to define it, I am not so sure it can be defined. I know I love you and care about you and want only good things for you. I know I like spending time with you and I can't imagine anyone else being my partner because you get me and I trust you. You can define it however you want," he poured the first cup and handed it immediately to her.
They arrived at the precinct, trying to figure out how to act around each other. Strange how much more difficult it was for them even over the day after they had first slept together. They were dancing a much more intricate dance now, torn between being closer and further apart.
Their lieutenant studied them carefully when he came through the pit on they way out, "You two work things out, I take it?" he said, not really wanting know how. Both just nodded, not saying anything. "Good, don't get any crazy notions like that again," he said walking out, shaking his head.
The department seemed to be walking on eggshells around them, not knowing what was going on. They weren't used to seeing people sent home. On the surface things appeared normal between the partners or at least normal for them. Talking without saying a word, both focused intently on their work, and so on. But the usual banter and arguing was missing and no one knew what to make of that. Parker was about to point this out to the pair when he was called out to the field. Even Thatcher and Lafferty laid off their normal crudeness, if partially because something seemed different with Gus, more so than with Flack. She had this slightly haunted aura about her, and neither one of the men wanted to be around if she snapped.
Gus was immensely relieved when their shift was over. She was exhausted and confused and felt like she had been keeping up appearances all day and even more relieved when Flack casually asked, "wanna get some food?"
"Sure," she quickly responded, pulling on her coat.
They left wordlessly. Out in the cold, Gus turned to Flack, "I don't like this I feel weird."
"That makes two of us," Flack agreed.
"People were treating up like we were made of glass today," Gus said.
"I noticed that."
"Imagine how much worse it would be if they actually knew?" Gus said, to which Flack just shrugged, opening the door to the restaurant.
Gus and Flack fell in to an uneasy pattern. They were quieter, both with each other and at work. They spent every second together or so it seemed, but a lot of it was in silence or at a surface level. They certainly weren't talking about Gus' miscarriage or the night they exchanged I love yous.
The team noticed things seemed different between the pair, though they were caught up in cases that they didn't have a chance to mention it.
Days slipped by with every one treating the pair with caution, not to mention distance because neither one was a barrel of monkeys to be around. It was surprisingly Parker that got them out of their funk.
They were each at their desks, buried in paperwork, occasionally stealing uneasy glances at the other, both wanting to pierce the veil that had fallen between them but not knowing how. Both felt love and care and concern for the other, but didn't know how to dive back deeply into the relationship.
Parker came over and stood at the junction of their desks placing a palm down on each of their desks. "Kids, you guys have to work this out." Both looked at him with confusion and dismay.
"Watcha talking about Parker?" Flack asked.
"Flack, I don't really know. But I do know things have been horrible around here since you guys lost that perp and she took off," Parker gestured to Gus with his thumb.
"We're fine, Parker, back on target with case closures," Gus said, trying to smile.
"Yeah, yeah, princess I know, kicking our asses in the stats but that ain't what I'm talkin' about," Parker said ruffling her hair. Gus retreated into her chair but didn't protest.
They both stared at him with wide and serious eyes. "This, this is what I am talkin' about" he said, his voice rising slightly. "We can't take it anymore. Where's the playful banter? The arguing? Gus you haven't busted Junior's chops in weeks it seems! You have been quiet, you haven't responded to a single jab, you haven't looked like you were gonna punch anyone out for a while. Flack, you haven't called her sunshine in forever. You even got Thatcher and Lafferty stunned into silence. Have you not noticed they stopped making jokes?" Gus shrugged slightly. "I'm not saying we want you mooning over each other in the break room or wondering if we are gonna catch you going at it in the supply closet, but you gotta work this out, we need the old wonder twin team back! So why don't you two go get lost for a little bit, I'll cover for ya,'" he made a shooing motion at them.
Gus stared at Flack and he stared back. They both knew Parker was right, a gray pallor had come over them both and in turn homicide. "Roof?" they both asked at the same time, at least bringing a slight smile to their lips.
"That's more like it, get the hell out of here," Parker said, backing away with a whistle.
Silent in the elevator, they made it to the roof right as the twilight was setting in. They both leaned along the side staring out into the city as the blue light settled over them. "Gus, what is going on?" Flack asked, not looking at her, but still out over the city.
"I don't know," she sighed, "but I hate it".
"Things have been different," he said softly.
Gus turned toward him as well, the wind turning his cheeks quickly pink, the slightest shadow of a beard playing across his otherwise boyish face. Gus wanted to reach out and hold his cheek but held herself back, she was always holding herself back it seemed. "Don, it is taking everything within my power for me to not run away, I hope you know that," she said, still not moving closer to him.
"I know, I can see it in your eyes," Flack looked down at Gus, the wind whipping her hair around her face, he wanted to tuck it behind her ear, but stopped short.
"I'm petrified. I keep worrying what if one of us gets hurt again or what if you and I being an us really does effect our work or what if I let myself fall completely and something happens to you or you find someone else," Gus started pouring out a million fears, "I mean I know you said you love me, but really I think I am unlovable," she ended with.
Flack couldn't take her self deprecation, he snapped. "Sunshine, you have got to get over these insecurities and stupid beliefs. You are one of the most giving and caring and intelligent and beautiful people I have ever met. You are beyond lovable. I don't know who put these ideas into your head, but I could kill them. As for something happening to either of us, yeah it could happen, it is part of the job but I think being partners who love each other is gonna force us to have each others' back even more. You have got to realize I would do anything to protect you, I have been trying desperately to do that since you first showed up here and it is killing me that I managed to do exactly the opposite of that night during the Seely case. God, I wish I could take that night back, and I wish you didn't feel you had to be going through that alone and I would do damn near anything for you." Flack finished, having gone from riled up to completely spent with his speech. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, shaking his head.
Gus took this opportunity to not hold herself back, she held his face in her hands and drew him in for the tenderest of kisses, her tears wetting his cheeks. "You have the potential to hurt me more than anything, Don Flack, and I didn't think that was possible," she said letting him go.
"I also have the potential to love you more than anything, if you would just let me," Flack replied, pulling her in for a hug. The turned back out to the city, watching the the lights of the city pulsing below them, arms around each other.
Something caught between them, a spark, a moment, and the past few weeks were blown away into the twilight, scattered over the city. They caught each others' eyes and the attraction and passion that had held them from the moment they crashed into each other over took them. As their lips met in a passionate kiss, they simultaneously sighed, "I love you," and lost each other in lips and tongues and arms.
Flack lifted Gus off her feet and into his arms. "I missed you, sunshine," he moaned.
The ringing of a phone brought them back into the real world where they were both homicide detectives in a city where people liked to kill each other. "To be continued?" Gus asked, her eyes slightly hazy, her cheeks slightly burned from his whiskers.
"You better believe it" Flack responded looking equally rumpled, shirt untucked, lips swollen, reaching for his phone, "Flack," he answered. "We'll be right there".
"Call?"
"Nope, but Parker's hungry and wants us to buy him dinner."
"I guess we could handle that," Gus said with a smile.