Chapter Seven: The Visit
After Faith was done with the bathroom, Buffy had dried her hair and put on her face for the day. Later this evening she was going to see Oz. This was going to be so awkward. Buffy was half nervous and half irritated. Who would have waited for a girlfriend who was in a coma? Buffy knew that Angel would have but that was because Angel was a whole other type of guy all together. For one, he was sweet, and two he had a gentle nature about him that was seduced by darkness. For some odd reason, Buffy loved him for that. She loved the fact that Angel was a great guy but she had hated it that the two of them had the most forbidden love of all time and that he had fallen in love with Cordelia. It had baffled her that it was able to work between Angel and Cordelia and not herself and Angel. That information had left her heart cold and she wasn't ready to date anyone else. She had tried to move on in college only to get screwed over with Parker and that was literally.
Then she had tried to move on with Riley and apparently she had been so wrapped up in her own world that she had pushed him aside so he had left her. Buffy had tried to stop him from leaving but she had arrived too late. Then she had tried to move on with Spike and that…Well that hadn't ended so well. She had gotten him killed. She gave him a necklace that he wore like a champion and saved the world from unspeakable evil. With all of that that had happened in her life or in her dream (whichever way one wants to look at it), Buffy had concluded that she was done dating. At least until she had gotten her head screwed back on the right way. Right now, this life was too confusing for her to add onto the plate. It would be like adding green beans to a slice of apple pie for Buffy and those two combinations just hadn't worked. So why add the pressure?
Buffy had made her body presentable for the day and when she was satisfied with her look, she had looked at herself in the mirror. She wore her hair in a messy bun and wore some of Faith's old clothes. Faith's style was not Buffy's in any way shape or form, but since she was in a coma all of her life, her old clothes were way too small for her to wear. So Buffy was stuck in Faith's clothes which had only irritated her even more. Still, clothes aside, Buffy had felt as though she had done a great job getting ready. It wasn't that she had wanted to make an impression for Oz; it was just that she had wanted to prove to her family that she was able to take care of herself and if her family was going to try and control her life this was going to be the first step to stop that right now.
Buffy was not trying to be a bitch she had just wanted to take her life back. She was so used to taking care of everyone else that she had forgotten what it was like to take care of her. This time around, it was all about her and Buffy was not going to let anyone take that from her. She was going to make her own decisions and she was going to take charge. Buffy had wanted to make her own decisions. She was not going to let Destiny interfere with her life anymore and if that meant telling Oz that she had needed personal space then she was going to him that. She had understood it was going to be difficult for him to hear, but he had needed to hear it (in her opinion anyway). Buffy wasn't even sure if she was able to look at Oz the same way after what he had done to her best friend Willow. Buffy had thought about that situation again and suddenly she grew very nervous. What if Oz wasn't the same person that she had known in her dreams?
Buffy sighed heavily. Her brain hurt and all of this was making it even worse. Buffy had just wished that this day was over. Now she had wished that her entire life was over. This was going to be a really long, new life. It was going to be hard and it was going to be heartbreaking but in the long run…It was going to be worth it. Buffy was excited at the thought that she was going to be someone. She had wanted this, this normal life but when it had actually come down to it, Buffy was terrified. Buffy held herself in her arms. She had wanted to curl up in a ball and hide, but that wasn't Buffy's style. Buffy had been a fighter for years, but then again that had never happened. So who was she? Who was Buffy Summers? Buffy was now confused.
Buffy looked around the room and sighed. When was Oz getting here? Buffy had needed space and she had needed to figure out her life and who she was. Buffy hadn't wanted to hurt anyone, especially when she knew it was not that someone's fault. Buffy sighed heavily. Life was too complicated already. Buffy had wished that she was thrown back into that coma. She wasn't sure if she was able to do this, any of this. This was like the beginning of college all over again except she hadn't had the gang or Xander backing her up! Buffy felt dizzy and she grabbed her forehead. No. She had to calm down. She had to calm down right now.
Buffy had taken a deep breath and sat down on her bed. It was nice to be alone. Buffy leaned back on her bed and closed her eyes. She wondered how Dawn and the others were doing. She had wanted to have the dream again. Buffy had missed her sister and her family. She had wanted to pass the time without really being there. She dreamt of the people she had loved. Their faces slowly popped into her mind and the world formed around her. The gang was still at the motel. The Scooby gang was in an area of the motel for breakfast items which was surely going to be a catastrophe. Dawn was able to eat anything without a problem but for someone like Giles and some of the other Potentials who were now Slayers it was probably not going to be a good idea. Then Buffy had wondered if the Asian who was Lactose in tolerant had lived and was still around. If she had lived, she should probably stay away from the eggs, cereal, and pretty much everything else.
Buffy had thought of herself in the girl's shoes. She wasn't sure if she was able to tolerate being Lactose in tolerant. There was so much good food in the world to not want to try everything. Buffy had sighed and then realized who had been sitting with her at the table. Giles was at the head of the table with Xander who had sat at the right of Giles'. Xander had looked terribly upset and Buffy had concluded that he was still grieving from the loss of Anya. He wasn't crying but his one good eye had said it all and had given him away. Buffy had pitied Xander. Xander and Anya were so close and for the longest time, Buffy had thought that Anya and Xander's love was the greatest love of all time. The two had shared a beautiful love and then something terrible had happened. Thoughts had gotten thrown around and Xander had gotten cold feet. No one had blamed him at all. Well, that's a lie. Anya had blamed him. She had made Xander feel as though he were a terrible person.
Xander felt as though what he had done was right and Anya had not understood what he had meant. She was too hurt. It had hurt Buffy's heart at the time whenever she had thought of her. Buffy had been pretty sure that is what everyone felt as well. Willow had been the one to have admitted it first. Buffy sighed and was worried for Xander as she had thought about the past. Buffy now had a better understanding of things. She felt as though she knew how Xander as felt. Buffy had decided to keep her thoughts to herself and let him mourn. Xander lifted his head and looked at everyone.
"I mean what did Buffy mean when she was going?" He asked to finally break the silence. "She's acting like that love-bot that Spike had ordered two years ago."
Buffy was stunned. She was acting like a robot? Of course! It had to be because her soul could only be in one dimension at one time. Therefore when she had left this dimension, her body was like an empty shell. She must have appeared insane. Buffy had laughed which had caused everyone to look at her. Kennedy was on Xander's left with her hands wrapped around her Willow's arms and Dawn had been sitting next to Buffy this whole entire time. Dawn! Buffy had thought with relief and hugged her sister tightly to the point where she had made her sister choke.
"Buffy! Buffy, what's wrong with you?!" Dawn gasped and searched for air.
Buffy realized that she had hurt her sister and let go. "I'm sorry Dawn!" She told her. "I just missed you all so much!"
Giles looked at Buffy with wonder and concern. That look was getting tiresome. "Buffy are you alright?" He asked.
Buffy had to admit, she had missed his accent. Buffy looked around the table and saw Xander, Dawn, Willow, Giles, and Kennedy all looking very strange at her. She had wondered what it was like to watch an empty shell walk around the earth. It must have been very odd but funny the same time. Buffy turned to Dawn and her eyes had watered. She couldn't help herself. She had missed Dawn so much that it had pained her to be happy right now. "Oh Dawnie," Buffy had said. "I want to come home. I miss you." She said and then turned around and looked at her family. "I miss all of you. There has to be a way to keep me here, on this plane." Buffy was taken aback by her own words. Now she had felt as though she knew what magic had been all about. Willow had looked her next.
"What do you mean by: 'this plane'?" Willow asked.
Buffy looked down. "I'm in some other reality. It must be why Xander thinks that I'm acting like a robot." She told Willow.
"It's not just Xander that thinks that Buffy." Dawn said and brought Buffy's chin up with her index finger. "It's all of us; we all think that you're not yourself." She said with water in her eyes.
Buffy sighed heavily. She was so tired of that look! Buffy looked at everyone. "Will you all just stop giving me that look, please?" Buffy had yelled. The gang was taken aback by her attitude and remained silent. Buffy sighed again. "I'm sorry you guys, it's just I have been seeing two looks lately: like everyone is afraid for me or that everyone feels sorry for me and I am tired of it. I can't take it anymore! I am not a child!"
Xander rolled his eye. "Buffy, we think that you are acting like a robot because you're grieving." He said.
Buffy was furious. She felt like her dreams had turned against her. Then she was surprised at herself. She had just admitted that these people weren't real. The world had started to fade away and had made Buffy panic.
"No! Don't leave me!" She had yelled but the world still turned to black.
Buffy had awoken with her mother standing next to her bedside. Buffy rolled her eyes. Joyce frowned at her behavior.
"Oz is here." Joyce announced.
Buffy nodded and sat up. She was a bit dizzy from the emotional trauma, but she was able to stand up and move her own body. Buffy walked out of her room and down the stairs with her mother. She had entered the dining room and saw Oz standing next to the table. Buffy had given him the best smile that she was able to manage and he had smiled back at her.
"Hey Buffy," he said.
"Hey." Buffy said. She wasn't able to manage anything else.
Dinner was rather silent and awkward. The meal consisted of meat loaf, green beans, and mashed potatoes. There was also applesauce. No one had really said anything, which Buffy had been grateful for. Everyone seemed to have enjoyed the meal because no one had talked. After dinner was a whole different story. Joyce and Buffy's father had walked upstairs, leaving Buffy to Oz all alone. The two of them had sat in the living room while Faith had cleaned up after the meal. She was surprised that Faith hadn't argued at all with their mom. She had just went and done it. At least Faith isn't such a bitch in this reality. Buffy had thought. Finally, Buffy had broken the silence.
"I wanted to thank you," Buffy said and Oz had looked up. "For watching over me while I was in the hospital."
Oz smiled just a little. "It was no problem. You were my girlfriend." He said.
Buffy was partially happy when he had said the words: 'You were my girlfriend.' Had that meant he knew that they weren't getting back together? Buffy had hoped so. It would have made things so much easier to talk about.
"Oh so you know then." Buffy said.
"I know what?" Oz asked her.
"You know that I don't want to date right now." Buffy told him flat out. She thought that Oz was a grownup and the type of person that could handle the obvious truth.
Oz put his head down and then looked back at Buffy. "Yes I know you don't want to date right now. I wasn't expecting you and I to get back together right away. The doctors told me from the very beginning that you might not remember me. So I'm prepared for us to never happen again."
Buffy gave Oz a sad half smile. She was glad that he was prepared for that answer. She nodded.
"Oz, I do remember you but not in the way that you think. When I was asleep, I had weird dreams about you that I am almost positive you don't want to know about." She told him and paused. "The doctors were right about one thing. I don't really remember anything about what happened before I came to Sunnydale. I don't really know anyone; I only know them from people that I dreamed about. My knowing of you," Buffy paused again. "Is not the you sitting right in front of me now."
Oz sighed heavily. It appeared as though Buffy's words seemed have had hit a nerve. Buffy watched him carefully. She was nervous. What if he really was a werewolf? Had they slept together in high school? Buffy's eyes had widened in shock and panic. They could have slept together! Buffy had looked at Oz.
"Hey Oz," Buffy had said. "Did we…Did we ever sleep together in high school?" She had asked him. Oz looked up at her and shook his head 'no'.
"No," Oz said. "We haven't slept together. You weren't ready and I understood." He told her. Buffy had sighed with relief.
"So I guess that's it then?" Buffy asked him. Oz stood up and nodded.
"Yeah," he had said. "I should bail and let you get your life together."
Buffy had smiled. "I'll walk you out." She told him and escorted him politely to the door. "Thank you for understanding and not getting mad at me."
Oz turned to Buffy with his back to the front door. "No problem." He said and smiled. "Who knows, if you remember me the way I was, maybe we can try it again."
Buffy smiled widely. "I would like that." She had told him.
Oz smiled and opened the front door. "We'll keep in touch?" He asked. "Your mom has my new cell phone number. The other number was my parents."
Buffy had smiled at Oz and nodded. "You can count on it." She had told him.
Oz was really a good guy. She watched him smile at her and leave the house. That wasn't a horrible visit at all, Buffy thought to herself and watch Oz leave in his blue van. Well, her mind almost remembered him in this reality. She had gotten his car right and the fact that he was a silent person but a nice guy. Buffy was excited about what her new life would give her in the end because this was the first step.