A/N: It's been a while! A story like this has been brewing for a while but I just found the time to start on it. Inspo was taken from the song "In Case You Didn't Know" by Brett Young. If you've never heard it, give it a listen! I think you'll be pleasantly surprised that it sounds just like our favorite couple and will play a very cute part in this story.
Thinking this will be a few-ish chapters but not totally sure where writing will take me, I'm still feeling a bit rusty. I hope you all love this as much as I do!
Disclaimer: I do not own Law & Order SVU or any of the characters
In Case You Didn't Know
Ch. 1
It was a cool November afternoon. The sun was out, the leaves were colorful and the seasons were changing. In more ways than one.
She's still shocked that she's been invited, and yet not completely surprised that she's been called upon again. She's been his rock for the better part of nine months, if they don't count the first twelve years before he left.
Elliot had called Olivia a few days prior to ask her to join him and his kids at Kathy's grave to celebrate her birthday.
She can remember that night vividly:
"Noah, honey," Olivia yelled down the hallway to her son's bedroom, picking up what was left of the dance clothes that were strewn across the sofa, "Let's get ready for bed."
They had watched " A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" tonight and Noah had loved it. He was an old soul, so caring and genuine. He had filled her life with so much love and light since the moment she had brought him home and into her life. She was forever grateful to be his Momma.
"Okay, Momma," the curly headed boy yelled back, bounding into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He made quick work of it, skipping back down the hall to his bedroom and Olivia was right behind him.
"Are you all set for bed?" She asked her son as she sat down on the bed next to him, helping him pull up the covers. He nodded snuggling down onto his side facing her, "I love you so much, my sweet boy."
"I love you too, momma," Noah murmured, hugging her tightly around the waist.
Olivia brushed her fingers through his hair, kissed his forehead and whispered "sleep tight" before slipping out of his bedroom.
Making her way back to the kitchen, she grabbed her phone and checked through her notifications. She was halfway through the mound of emails she thought would never end when she had an incoming call.
"Hey," she exhaled, lifting the phone to her ear, stealing herself for whatever was coming next. When it came to him these days, she was always on guard.
"Hey, Liv," Elliot said softly.
They had talked a handful of times via text or over the phone since he had finished his undercover assignment, since he truly had stopped running from reality. They had come so far and yet had such a long way to go. He knew that. He knew that he had done nothing to help, to make things easier or better for her since showing back up into her life. He knew he was taking everything she had to give but he just couldn't seem to help himself. He knew he was selfish, knew it made him a son of bitch but he needed her too much. He needed her so much it scared the living shit out of him. So much had changed for both of them in the last decade, in the last nine months, but so much about "them" had remained the same.
"How are you?" She asked, bringing him back to his phone and he smiled, shaking his head. So like her, he thought.
"I'm okay," he managed as he pulled into his parking spot outside of his apartment, throwing the Tahoe into park he slouched in the seat, grabbing at the back of his neck and trying to figure out where to start, "I just wanted to call to say thank you, Liv."
Olivia found her way to her sofa and sat down, curled up in the corner with a blanket covering her lap, "You don't have to thank me, Elliot...I'm happy to help and be here for you and the kids."
She was honest and genuine, she would do anything for any one of them. Elliots heart swelled in his chest and he knew there would never be another like her. Olivia Benson was one of a kind.
"I know that I haven't made this easy, but having you in my life and in my corner again…." he trailed off. There was so much he wanted to say to her, needed to tell her but it was terrifying. There was so much going on inside of his brain and in his heart that it was hard to make complete sense of it.
On the other end of the phone, Olivia took a shaky breath and brushed her bangs from her face, her eyes already getting misty. She wasn't ready to dive into this, not tonight, "I know, El."
He could still read her, not as good as he once could, but good enough to know not to push things tonight. He owed her at least that much. To give her the space and time she needed, while she was giving him the same courtesy. So he let it go, for now, and changed the subject, "Do you think you would be up for coming with me and the kids to the cemetery? The kids want to have a little celebration for Kathy's birthday."
Olivia was grateful that he had put the emotional on the back burner, it was never something either of them were great at, but they had dabbled in the months since he had been back. However, they could save that for another time.
She thought about what he had asked for just a beat, knowing these were uncharted waters for all involved and she had about a dozen reasons to say no. But she wouldn't, she could never do that to him. If he was reaching out for her, she would always be there for him, her own mental consequences be damned. So she simply said, "Yes, of course. I'll be there.
Friday and Saturday had passed by without incident, but a simple text message from Eliot giving her the time and place to meet him and the kids on Sunday.
Sunday had rolled around and Olivia had already dropped Noah off at one of his buddies' houses, grabbed some beautiful flowers at the bodega on her street corner, and was headed to the cemetery. There was a mix of emotions playing in her mind and in the pit of her stomach, but it was almost too much to sort through.
Pulling up to a red light, she rested her elbow on the window sill of her SUV and brushed her fingers through her hair. She was nervous. So much had happened since Elliot had come back and yet not much at all, so many words said but they had barely even scratched the surface. There was a really big part of her that was still so incredibly scared of this, of them, and scared of him. He brought up a hurt inside of her that she hadn't dealt with or addressed in years. A hurt she thought she would never have to think about again. The kind of hurt that crushes your heart and takes the breath right out of your lungs.
For the last nine months Olivia had been unpacking all of the mental and emotional memories and trauma that he had left in his wake when he walked out on her, and to say it was a lot would be an understatement. But with Kathy's passing, she had put most of that to the back of her mind and instead just really focused on being there for him, and for his children. She knew they needed that, even if it meant sacrificing parts of her heart in an attempt to help them. It wasn't fair to her, she knew that and she believed deep down that Elliot knew it too, but she accepted it for now.
There was time now that he was back, time for everything to come out and she didn't feel the need to rush or push it. There was still so much chaos unraveling around them that there hadn't been a good time to dive into their own relationship, or friendship, for lack of a better term. She desperately wanted them to find solid ground and was dedicated to doing whatever she had to in order to make it there.
Elliot heard her before he saw her and instantly felt a calm wash over him. Olivia had come, had shown up for him, and he would be eternally grateful for that. She had no idea how much he truly appreciated her but he only had himself to blame for that. She deserved more from him, better of him after everything he had put her through and he made a mental note to work on that.
She joined the group around Kathy's grave and he could still take her breath away, make her heart stop. It seemed like forever since she had truly seen his face and she couldn't lie to herself, he had aged well.
Kathleen gave Olivia a welcoming hug and then she took her place next to Elliot, bouquet of flowers in hand, "Ah you shaved…it's nice to see your face."
He looked over at her and took her in. Allowing the world to fall away just for a moment he shrugged, "It was time." For a lot of things he thought, and severely hoped.
They locked eyes and they were goners, completely lost to the world around them if only for a minute. They were surrounded by his kids, honoring his late wife and for whatever reason, none of it had felt strange. As long as she was there, by his side, he felt like he could conquer anything. Olivia brought back pieces of him that he had lost the moment he had run from her all those years ago. Pieces of himself he thought would be lost to him forever, much like her.
This might be hard as hell for him, but he vowed to keep working on himself for her.
Kathleen had said a couple of words and then placed her flowers against her mother's grave, followed by Olivia. The group had a moment of silence, all of them sending up a silent prayer before Elliot had spoken up, looking at Olivia, "Italian for lunch? Kathy's favorite."
"Sounds perfect," Olivia replied with a small smile, shared with nods from his kids.
"Actually, Dad," Eli had started, almost shyly. "I was gonna go meet Sarah. Is that okay?"
"You have a date, now?" His father replied, almost sarcastically as Olivia smirked looking away from the pair.
"She's not a date, she's my study partner," his son replied, a soft smile on his lips knowing his Dad was just busting him a little.
Olivia nodded behind Elliot, silently supporting him and enjoying watching him be a Father. It was a glimpse into his life she had never been a part of, the one she used to watch from a distance. She felt the playing field even though, being a mother now herself she got it in a way she never used to, understood him in a deeper way and truly wanted what was best for her son.
"Alright," Elliot gave in, "Well check in, text"
"Good. Show him you trust him," Olivia stated, walking up behind Elliot who turned to her and said, "Trust but verify. I got a tracking app on his cell…"
"I can't hear any of this," Kathleen sighed walking away from her father and Olivia, Dickie following closely behind her.
"And security cameras at home," Elliot followed up, watching his kids leave while Olivia tried to keep her chuckle in.
"We'll meet you guys," Dickie told them as he followed his sister out to the parking lot.
The pair stood side by side as the kids drove off before he looked over at her, "Ride with me to the restaurant?"
She nodded, giving a small smile as they turned and headed towards his SUV. A comfortable silence washed over them as his hand innocently came to rest on the small of her back. He needed contact with her, any kind of contact to calm his nerves and he was happy she hadn't said anything.
Elliot pulled the passenger side door open, taking Olivia off guard but she moved past him gently brushing his arm and hopping in, "Thanks, El."
Walking behind the car he sent out a silent prayer that he wouldn't put his foot in his mouth today. It seemed like whenever they were alone he would say something stupid, defensive because he felt like he was protecting her from him. Felt like if he pushed her away, he couldn't hurt her anymore.
They hadn't talked about him leaving, he hadn't even asked her about it yet because he was scared. Scared to truly know the pain he caused, scared of what she had been through in the last ten years. And if he was honest? Even a little jealous to find out who she had been with. If he thought about it long enough, his blood boiled and his chest would get tight. He knew he had no right to feel that way, feel like the claim he staked on her so many years ago would hold up when he abandoned her. He knew up until this point he had been destructive, but he had to stop running. From everything.
Eliot jumped into the car and pulled out of the parking lot, settling in next to Olivia and stealing a glance at her as she scrolled through her phone. She was beautiful. She always had been and the ten years away from her made her a sight for incredibly sore eyes. Every time he saw her he felt it, that pain in his heart but also all of the love he held for her, then and now.
"What?" Olivia spoke up after feeling his eyes on her for a few moments, making her feel a little self conscious but a smile graced her lips.
He had been caught staring but he truly didn't care, "Just looking at you…..I've missed this view."
She chuckled, sliding her glasses off of her face and putting her phone down on her lap, "See anything interesting?"
Might as well start being honest now, with a shrug he simply said, "You're beautiful, Liv."
"Oh, stop," she responded softly, a blush creeping into her cheeks as she brushed her bangs from her face and rolled her eyes.
"No, I won't stop," Elliot replied innocently and he knew her, knew she always had a hard time taking a compliment but he wasn't going to stop handing them out. Yes, it was still complicated. He was still adjusting to life, still grieving, and desperately trying to sort through all of his thoughts and feelings but he wouldn't keep the truth in anymore. Especially when it came to her. "You deserve to hear that every day, Liv. You deserve a lot of things…." He trailed off once he saw how she was looking at him, her eyes wide and a little teary.
Olivia took a deep breath and reached over to him, gently resting her hand on his forearm that was resting between them, "Thanks for saying that….it means a lot."
"You mean a lot to me," he said quietly, looking over at her and hoping she knew that it ran deep without him fully saying it.
Squeezing his arm gently she nodded, "The feeling is mutual."
"I really appreciate you coming today. Your support has meant a lot to the kids…to me," he confessed as he pulled into a parking spot on the street in front of the restaurant. "I'm not sure what I would have done without you."
"El, really," Olivia started, popping off her seatbelt and pulling one of her legs up under her, "I'm glad that I could be here for you and your kids. I'm just so sorry this happened…..no one deserves to go through this."
He let out a deep breath and the sadness was evident when he spoke, looking at her with tears in his eyes, "It's definitely one of the hardest things I've been through in my life." Feeling her hand come to rest on his, so much love and understanding in her eyes, it gave him the courage to keep talking. "I've dealt with a lot of loss in my lifetime but nothing prepares you for having to walk your kids through losing their mother….I could handle it on my own, but them?" He let out a shaky breath and squeezed her hand, "Fuck it's hard."
"Oh, Elliot… I'm so so sorry," she whispered, the emotion taking the breath out of her lungs. Her heart broke for him, for his children. Seeing him so vulnerable was new to her but she appreciated it. Maybe they were turning a corner? "I wish I could take this pain away from you guys," Olivia whispered honestly, her heart breaking as a tear made its way down his face and she wiped it away gently.
It hit her like a ton of bricks. It was back like it never had left, because if she was honest, it never did. All of the love she had felt for him for the better part of twenty years was all still there, underneath the hurt and the pain, the sadness and the lonely times, she still loved him for all that he was.
They had never really had a moment like this, it was incredibly gentle and honest. Both of them had pulled back a part of their armor today and they were both quietly thankful for it. It was a release of some raw honest emotion and a positive step forward.
"I'm sorry for putting this on you, I know that it's incredibly unfair…" Elliot had started after a moment once he had gotten his emotions in check, only to be cut off by Olivia.
"We really don't need to go there today, El," she reassured him, rubbing small circles on his forearm through his coat, "I'm just grateful that I could be here….and hopefully make some of this easier on you."
He took her hand in his, bringing it to his mouth he left a gentle kiss on the pulse point of her wrist sending a shiver through her. He had no idea the effect he had on her and she did her best to keep her composure, this wasn't the time or the place.
"I owe you so much, Olivia. I know that I do and I know you deserve some explanations. But I hope you can give me just a little bit more time?" Elliot implored, his thumb caressing where he had kissed her wrist and he knew her resolve was softening.
"Elliot," she sighed with a smile, letting his hand fall from her wrist to reach up and cup the side of his face, "I've waited over a decade for an explanation….I can wait a little bit longer." A smile formed on his face under her hand and she spoke again, "I have one condition."
"Name it," he responded immediately and he knew he would do whatever she asked.
"No more running and no more undercover,"Olivia shot back at him pointedly with a raised eyebrow, crossing her arms over her chest.
Elliot chuckled and it was a real deep laugh that he hadn't felt in a while, but he conceited, "I promise you, Liv. I'm done running."
"Good," she smiled, "Now let's go eat."
"Let's," he agreed, sliding out of the car and following right behind her.
Together they felt lighter, better than they had in a long time. They had taken some new steps and they were slowly putting each other back together. The seasons were changing and they entered this new chapter, together.