New chapter is finally up! Thank you so much for the reviews!
Answer to a review: I am trying to post one chapter per week. Unfortunately I was really busy with school last few weeks so that is why I was not updating so often. But it should be better now! Don't forget to follow teasfanfics on INSTAGRAM for updates and fanarts.
And now about the chapter...It was really difficult to write this. I wanted to keep Kuvira's emotions so it would fit to her character. We know she is not heartless. I tried to portray her thoughts as faithfully as I could. Hope you will like it. This is Kuvira's chapter.
Warning! Sad things :(
Zaofu, the Guards' Residence, the same day
Wet footprints were on the light green carpet in the bedroom as Kuvira ran out of the shower in such a hurry. Her long black hair was wet and drops of water were running over her face together with her tears...
Pregnancy... it was such a strange word for Kuvira. She was still sitting on the edge of the bed in her light green bathrobe and her breathing was fast. Kuvira's eyes were red from crying because she didn't know what to do...
Kuvira laid down on the bed and was looking at the ceiling emptily. It didn't mind her that the pillow will be wet from her hair. Her mind was now filled with totally different thoughts. Fear, anger, worries... She couldn't be mother. Kuvira was barely twenty, she just became a captain and she was out of wedlock... She felt ashamed...
"How could this happen..." Kuvira whispered for herself. Of course she knew how it happened but they were always so careful... Their method of sleeping together just during safe days worked for seven months and Kuvira didn't really paid attention to the signs her body was giving her lately.
It had to happened that early morning in Baatar's bedroom. Kuvira was thinking about that night... They should have two more safe days left, shouldn't they? Kuvira was sure she was counting correctly. But then she realized it happened in the morning... It was already the next day... So they had only one safe day left...
Kuvira sighed and tears were running down her face. She didn't know what to do...There was still a little chance that her period is late due to all that stress at work and that nausea could be caused by just some spoiled food...But then there was Aiwei who felt that something was odd and different in Kuvira's body.
Kuvira sat up and looked at her bed. The memory of her and Baatar letting their love took full control over their bodies filled up her mind... Her breathing was now fast again as she remembered Baatar's warm kisses and plesurable touches. The way their bodies connected in the most intimite moments... It always felt so good...But now there were serious consequences...
"I need to be sure." Kuvira said for herself while sobbing and quickly stood up. She went back to the bathroom and was standing on the cold tiles barefoot... Maybe she could feel whether there is second heartbeat or not with her seismic sense...
Kuvira closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She slowly placed her shaking hand on her stomach and focused on her breathing.
She waited for a few seconds but she felt only her own heartbeat... Kuvira sighed angrily and looked into the mirror. Her seismic sense was always weak...
Kuvira was training her seismic sense when she was younger but she simply was not gifted with it. Most of the earthbenders weren't...
If she was really pregnant, she had to be probably eight weeks far along. Kuvira made quick calculations in her head and tightened the grip on the basin while breathing fastly. She needed to know it for sure...
Kuvira's heart was beating fast as she quickly dried her hair with towel and took on her casual light green trousers and dark green tanktop. She braided her still a bit wet hair and put a hair slide from Baatar at the end of her braid.
"Baatar..." Kuvira said for herself while looking at the hair slide. She now felt strange anger towards him. Kuvira knew he didn't do it on purpose. He was always really careful and Kuvira realized it was her, who started all of it that night... but there was a huge emotional storm in her mind right now...Kuvira knew that their method was not 100 % efective. There was always a chance that something will get in….and Kuvira was willing to take that risk. How naive she was to think that it would never happen…
Kuvira dried her tears and took on her light green jacket. She needed to wear something with big pockets because Kuvira secretly needed to get a pregnancy test...
Kuvira once heard Theo's wife Sisa talking with Suyin about these tests on the dance practise probably a year ago. It was their private conversation but Kuvira accidentally heard part of that while returning from the restroom in the gym. Theo and Sisa were trying for their second child at that time...
It was quiet a new invention. Apparently it was a powder which should be mixed with urine and the color of the mixture should show the result...
Kuvira walked out of the bedroom and headed straight to her little hallway where the big mirror was. She turned the light on and was now standing right in front of the mirror. She sighed and slowly pulled her dark green tanktop up with her shaking hands.
Her stomach was revealed... Kuvira's dark green eyes were looking at every detail of her lower belly as she was trying to find any signs of the baby bumb but her belly was flat as always.
Kuvira was still standing in front of the mirror and looked at her face. "How stupid I was..." Kuvira said to herself and was desperate. She quickly locked the door and ran out of her apartment. When she got on the street, the orange sunset sunlight was covering the City Center. Kuvira knew that the pharmacy will be closed soon. She had to hurry...
The streets were pretty emty and Kuvira felt soft spring breeze in her hair. She always loved this weather but now... it was the last thing she was thinking about... There might be another human being inside of her and Kuvira was still praying it to not be true. All of it was one huge mistake...
When Kuvira got to the Central Square, she headed straight to the pharmacy. She secretly had to get one test. Kuvira was nervous about the fact that captain of guards will be stealing... but it was her secret and nobody could found out about her possible pregnancy...
Kuvira was standing in front of pharmacy and she took a deep breath. She opened the door and hoped that her plan will work.
The pharmacy was really spacious and there were herb plants everywhere. On the sides of the shop there were shelves full of boxes with medicine and sirups. There was one older woman in the pharmacy and magister Jen. He was in his early 60's and was very comunicative all the time so his conversation with that lady gave Kuvira enough time to find what she needed.
Kuvira was walking across the shop and pretended to be just looking at the sortiment. Her eyes were searching one specific thing but everything she saw were just painkillers, bandages and dried herbs...
The older lady was already putting her medicine to the bag and was about to leave in every second. Kuvira's heart was beating even faster now because she still couldn't see that box with the test...
"Hello captain Kuvira. It's an honor to see you again." magister Jen said with smile and Kuvira gave him a smile in return. She was always buying her favourite green tea here and magister Jen mentioned it immediately. "Green tea as always?" he asked.
Kuvira's heart was beating so fast that she almost didn't notice that he was talking to her. "Yes I would like a little box of green tea." Kuvira said and magister nodded.
He turned around and opened the cabinet behind the counter where the boxes with dried herbs were. This was Kuvira's last chance... she had to find the test now...
Kuvira quickly searched the shop with her eyes and hoped she would find it, but it wasn't anywhere... Kuvira was frustrated. She didn't have much time left.
"C'mon Kuvira. You have to find it." she thought for herself and looked at magister Jen. He almost prepared the box with Kuvira's tea already...
"It has to be somewhe..."before Kuvira could finish the sentence in her head, she looked more behind him. Kuvira's eyes got wider when she saw light pink boxes just a few centimetres above Jen's head. The pregnancy tests were stored on the highest shelve on the wall behind the counter...
"Oh no... " Kuvira thought for herself. She won't be able to get up there without being noticed. "think Kuvira, think..." she continued and then she got and idea...
"Magister Jen?" Kuvira said and he looked at her immediately.
"What is it captain Kuvira?" he answered in a calm tone of voice.
"I was thinking about it and I've decided that maybe I could try something new this time... Would you recommend me some new flavors of tea?" Kuvira said and hoped that her plan will work. Her breathing was fast but she tried to hide her nervousness as much as she could.
"Of course!" magister said joyfully. "I have many kinds and flavors of tea." he added and opened different cabinet. Kuvira felt a wave of relief. "I have jasmin tea, black tea, spearmint tea, ginger tea... many kinds of dried fruit teas." he continued and was showing Kuvira all the boxes. She looked closely on them and saw that there's only one box of spearmint tea...
"That sounds delicious." Kuvira said quietly. "I will take two boxes of spearmint tea." she added and magister Jen smiled. "Excellent choice! Here's one box. I will have to go to storage for another one... "Jen said and turned around. When Kuvira saw him leaving she knew this was her only chance...
She took a deep breath and looked at the main entrance of the shop. Kuvira locked it with her metalbending and when she was sure magister Jen was away, she jumped over the counter.
Her heart was beating fast and breathing was even heavier. The captain herself was stealing. How ironic... Kuvira thought for herself.
She quickly grabbed one pink box and hided it to her pocket. Then she quickly got back to her original place and unlocked the door to pharmacy. Kuvira hoped magister won't notice, she had to stay calm...
"You are very lucky. This was my last box of spearmint tea." magister Jen called when he was returning from the storage and Kuvira smiled at him. "Do you want something else?" he added and put both tea boxes on the counter in the paper bag.
"No. This is all. Thank you." Kuvira replied and handed magister the money, he looked at her in return.
"I am sorry. This is too valuable banknote. I am afraid I don't have a change money now." magister said and Kuvira was glad her plan was working.
"That's okay. You can keep the change." she said and took the paper bag to her hands.
"No. I can't. This is too much money for just two tea boxes..." magister said but Kuvira knew she is paying for more than two things today...
"That's okay. Really." Kuvira said in calming voice and then added. "You can give me a discount next time I will come..."
Magister Jen thought about Kuvira's words and then nodded. "Okay. I am writing it down. I hope you will enjoy the tea." he said with smile and Kuvira thanked him. Then she said goodbye and nervously walked out of the pharmacy. Her plan worked...
Kuvira headed back to the Guards' Residence and she felt that fear again. She knew she will find out whether she's with child or not in just in a few minutes... She needed a proof. Kuvira felt nauseous again. But this time, it was from her nervousness...
The sunset light was covering all buildings of Zaofu and Kuvira felt sweat on her forhead. She was so afraid... She let her emotions took control over her body and it was causing her troubles. She should have listen to her brain...
When Kuvira got to her apartment, she put the paper bag with teas on the kitchen table and then took a deep breath. She sat down on the couch and took the pink box from her pocket. Her hands were shaking.
Kuvira red the instruction on the box carefully and then opened it. There was a glass vial and little bag with powder. The powder should be mixed with urine in the vial and if the mixture turns out pink... the test will be positive...
"Please be negative..."Kuvira whispered for herself and sighed. She took off her jacket and headed to the bathroom.
...
Kuvira did everything according to instructions and was now mixing the powder with urine by shaking the vial.
The result should be visible after five minutes and Kuvira put the vial on the cabinet next to the basin. Her hands were shaking even more and Kuvira was really worried. She sat down on the bathroom floor and was looking at the ceiling. She was afraid to even look in the direction of the vial.
It was the longest five minutes of Kuvira's life. If the test turns out negative... they will have to start using protection with Baatar. They will have to reveal their relationship to buy it...
And if the test turns out positive... Kuvira didn't even want to think about it. She still hoped that source of all signs came from stress and not from the fetus...
Kuvira knew it was already five minutes but she was still afraid to look at the vial. Her heart was beating fast and Kuvira felt her whole body shaking. It was time...
She slowly stood up and put loose strands of her hair behind ears. Kuvira sighed and used all her courage to look at the vial... She was out of breath and her panic attack was coming back. The mixture in the vial was dark pink...the pregnancy was confirmed...
"No..." Kuvira gasped. Now all her hope that her period was just late due to stress was destroyed. It was official... Kuvira was eight weeks far along...
"No...no...no" Kuvira was panicking and couldn't breath. She felt anger and fear at the same time. She grabbed the vial and threw it with all her power to the shower corner. It broke to sharps and that pink mixture disappeared in the sink...
"What will I do..." Kuvira said and tears started to form in her eyes. She was sobbing and got down on her knees. This was bad…Kuvira was having a panic attack and could barely breath. "I can't have a baby…" Kuvira sighed and the waves of fear were running trough her body.
Nineteen years, out of wedlock and pregnant….Kuvira was lost. She was captain barely three months and now this happens… Kuvira felt anger and sadness. She wished Baatar was with her right now. She wished he would hold her tightly and calmed her with his nice voice…But he couldn't find out. Nobody could find out. Kuvira had to solve this alone…
She slowly walked out of her bathroom and went back to her bedroom. Kuvira climbed to the center of the bed and laid on her side. She was looking at the sunset and tears were still running down her face… She was so afraid and stressed….after many hours, she cried herself to sleep...
Zaofu, the Airship Station, the next day
Kuvira had barely some sleep. She didn't want to get out of the bed and when she finally got up, she threw up again. It turned out that the spearmint tea, which Kuvira bought yesterday, is good for defeating nausea so it was at least one good new.
Kuvira had a watch today but her mind was somewhere else. She just automaticaly gave orders to everyone and was in her own world for the rest of her watch.
She was looking at the clouds and had her neutral face expression, nobody could know that something is going on. But behind her cold face, there was emetional storm.
Fear, stress, anger, sadness... Kuvira was feeling all of it. She wondered if she should tell Baatar about their child but she decided not to... It will be enough pain and stress for her and Kuvira didn't want Baatar to go through all of it as well...
Kuvira was thinking about how his reaction would be if she would tell him... Baatar would be probably happy... Surprised, nervous but happy... Kuvira knew Baatar too well. He would also felt guilt that he got Kuvira pregnant and was angry at himself...
But this scenario was not possible. Kuvira knew he would understand her reasons...She should meet him tomorrow and was getting really nervous. "Baatar can't find out.." Kuvira thought for herself sadly...
It was getting late and Kuvira's watch was almost over. Today, it should be the guards' meeting and she had to prepare everything in her office. She had to pull herself together and stay professional.
Kuvira looked at clouds for the last time and then closed her eyes for a while. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes again. She reminded guards about today's meeting and then headed back to the Guards' Residence…
Zaofu, the Guards' Residence, two hours later
Kuvira unlocked her office when she was ready for the meeting and all guards slowly started coming in. Kuvira was sitting behind her working table and one her right hand side there were Theo and Kai and on her left hand side was Lia with Hong Li and Dao. Others were sitting by a huge table or they were just standing.
It was time. Nobody could notice anything... Kuvira put on her professional face expression and stood up. "Good afternoon." Kuvira said and other guards nodded. "As you all know. We were facing really challenging situation last few weeks and it turned out Aiwei was a traitor to the Metal Clan... It took us all by surprise." she used her authoritative tone of voice. "The avatar was almost kidnapped and that's why I want you to watch everyone and everything carefully. The Red Lotus is still somewhere out there and there is a possibility that Aiwei was not the only traitor in Zaofu... That's why Zaofu will remain in the state of emergency for next two weeks... "Kuvira added but before she could continue, Dao spoke out of term.
"Why should we stay in the state of emergency when we clearly know they are gone..." Dao said in annoyed tone of voice. Kuvira looked at him strictly and other guards were frowning at him.
"Because it's our order from the council." Kuvira answered strictly but Dao was still annoyed. He was still jealous that he didn't become captain and did everything so it would look like that he would be much better captain than Kuvira.
"It's just a waste of time..." Dao muttered and looked at Kuvira...
"That's enough Dao…" Theo said and looked at him strictly. Kuvira was glad that Theo said something because right now, she didn't have enough strength to fight with Dao..
"If I was a captain, Aiwei would be already dead and the rest of the Red Lotus as well. You are useless..." Dao said angrily while looking at Kuvira and she felt her blood boiling. That was too much...
All guards looked at Dao with wide eyes and were frowning. This was assult towards the captain...
"That's enough! Out of my office!" Kuvira said loudly and angrily while pointing at the door. "I am the captain and I won't be abiding this kind of behavior! If I'll hear something like this one more time! You are fired!" Kuvira yelled and her anger was growing. She would prefer punching Dao to his face with the metal chair but she had to be professional.
Dao stood up and angrily left the office. Kuvira was really angry and her breathing was fast. She hoped that today's meeting would go well but it was probably too much to ask. Kuvira sighed angrily and sat down. She had to finish the meeting...
...
Kuvira had to discuss schedules with guards and then she officialy apologized to Hong Li for being fakely accused from helping the Red Lotus, in the name of all guards.
The rest of the meeting was okay but Kuvira wanted it to end. She didn't know if it was due to hormones but Dao's words about Kuvira being useless captain really bothered her... What would another guards said if they knew that their captain got pregnant in the first month of service... She was in such a complicated situation...
When the meeting ended, Theo came to Kuvira. "Are you okay? " he asked with worries.
Kuvira looked at him and said: "Yeah. Everything is fine..."
"Dao is just jealous. Don't take him serously…" Theo added and gave Kuvira a smile. She gave him a smile in return but she still felt stressed inside. She watched Theo and all other guards leave her office and then sighed when her office was empty. Kuvira went closer to the window and closed her eyes. She leaned her forhead against cold glass as she started to feel sick again from all of it...
When Kuvira opened her eyes again, she looked out of the window. It was already sunset and the domes should close in half an hour... Kuvira then looked at the Beifongs' Residence. She was wondering what Baatar was doing today... She will meet him tomorrow…
Kuvira was so tired. Physically and mentally as well... It was so much pressure on her these days and Kuvira simply couldn't bear it anymore...
She left her office and headed back to her apartment. Her mind was full of thoughts about Baatar, about work, about the baby...
Kuvira was lost. She didn't know what to do because abortions were banned in the Earth Kingdom and nobody in Zaofu could find out about her pregnancy... She had to find another way how to end all of this…
...
Kuvira couldn't sleep. She actually didn't even try to sleep because she knew her thoughts wouldn't allow it. Kuvira was still in her uniform and was sitting in a small armchair in the corner of her bedroom.
The lights were off and the bedroom was filled with darkness. Kuvira was holding a cup with already cold spearmint tea and she tried to defeat her nausea.
She was looking at her bed. Actually on the right side of the bed. Baatar's side...
Kuvira felt betrayed by herself. She let her emotions cloud her judgement. How stupid she was to think that they would be safe... They should use protection and don't care what would people think about new captain dating a Beifong...
"I am so stupid..." Kuvira sighed for herself. She had to do something, and she had to do it quickly.
"If I won't do anything, then I will have to find space in bedroom for the baby crib in December..." Kuvira thought for herself and the wave of fear ran through her body while imagining the situation...
She simply couldn't become a mother. She didn't want to be mother and she was sure that she would make terrible mother. It was not possible to have a little baby in her situation and in such a young age...
Kuvira couldn't breath. She felt that her panic attack was coming back again and she needed to get some fresh air immediately.
She finished the tea and quickly walked out of her apartment in her uniform. Kuvira didn't know where she wants to go but she somehow ended up on the Central Square... The place was empty and the only source of light was the fountain in the middle.
It was the same fountain where Kuvira and Baatar were sitting after leaving the theater during Zaofu festival months ago... Kuvira remembered her white dancing costume and that Baatar gave her his coat so she wasn't cold. It was the night when they slept together for the first time...
And now, seven months later, Kuvira was standing in front of the same fountain in the middle of the night pregnant...
Kuvira watched the waterdrops from the fountain dancing in the air and she decided to sit down on the edge of the fountain for a while like she did it with Baatar months ago... Kuvira knew guards' schedules so she had this square just for herself for half an hour...
She took off her helmet and put it next to her. The light green glow from the fountain was landing on her face... Kuvira sighed and couldn't hold it anymore...She started sobbing quietly and tears started running down her face...
There was only one solution of her situation... and it made Kuvira cry even more. She was sad... She didn't want to be a mother but the fact that she has to destroy the result of hers and Baatar's strong love was breaking her heart... This decision was harder than she ever thought…
Kuvira took a deep breath and put her shaking hand on her stomach. It was still flat but Kuvira knew that there is their little baby inside...
"I am so sorry..." Kuvira barely whispered to her little one while sobbing. "I... I can't keep you..." she continued and she cried so much that she could barely see now.
Even though she didn't want to be mother, this decision was really difficult for her..."I don't want you to think that I hate you..."
Kuvira lovingly caressed her stomach. "I am honored that you chose me to be your mom and I love your dad so much ...but I... I can't do it... I am so sorry..."Kuvira now covered her face with her hands and was sobbing even louder. "Please forgive me..."
Kuvira was left alone in the darkness of closed Zaofu domes as the fountain lights were turned off in late night hours. "I wish I would knew what to do..." she whispered to her baby as she watched her reflection in the still waters of the fountain and the quiet square was filled with sounds of her crying...
So as I said it was really difficult to write this. I hope I stayed in Kuvira's character. I think that if this would really happen in the show. Kuvira would be heartbroken to give up the baby. She is not that heartless as she is portrayed in Book 4. And since her own parents left her, she wouldn't want to do the same thing to her own child...
Maybe Kuvira's decision is not yet final...you will find out in the next chapter.