Decision part 2 is up. I hope you will like it.
I would like to say that these kinds of decisions has to be extremely hard for everybody. Important is that everybody has a choice...and this story is about Kuvira's choice. It will tell you a lot about her backstory and her future character development...
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Zaofu, the Beifongs' Residence, the next morning
It was already late morning and Baatar was looking out of the window in his laboratory. It's been four days since Aiwei escaped Zaofu and Baatar haven't seen Kuvira since then.
Aiwei's batreyal took everyone by surprise and there were no news about him since the avatar left Zaofu. Baatar had to admit he was glad that Aiwei was gone. He never liked him and the way he could know if the person is lying or hiding secrets always kind of scared him.
Zaofu was the city without secrets, and if there were secrets... Aiwei whispered them all to Suyin's ear. Baatar always took it as an attack on privacy of the people but his mother always said it was good for everyone... No secrets, no danger...
Who would have thought that the truthseer himself is a traitor to entire Metal Clan... Team avatar left Zaofu and Baatar's aunt Lin left the day after them. Lin was fighting with his mother because she lied to her about Korra staying in Zaofu... "How ironic" Baatar thought for himself. His mother who always hated lies was now lying herself...
Baatar sighed and massaged his face. He looked at that dark grey clouds one more time. The raindrops started falling on the window and Baatar hoped the weather gets better before Kuvira's evening watch starts. They should meet today… Baatar was really looking forward to it because they haven't seen each other in a long time and Baatar had a feeling that something is happening with Kuvira...
Baatar knew Kuvira is a workoholic and he was sure she had barely some rest during last few days… he was afraid that it is too much work for her but he knew she would never admit it...
It was too much for both of them lately... Baatar was working all days and nights on calculations for his father's and Varrick's project and he had to have it all done before Saturday. In that day, the investors will come to Zaofu and project has to be fully completed by that time…
But right now, the only person he could think about was Kuvira… She was the light of his days and Baatar felt that the darkness were there for too long... He had to make sure she is alright…
Zaofu, the Guards' Residence, early afternoon
Kuvira got home from the town at 2 a.m. She was lost in the streets and was thinking about her child. She knew she had to end this pregnancy but she never imagined it would be such a difficult decision for her.
She was young, she never wanted to be a mother. She didn't want to give up her career. She never wanted this baby... but now... the only thing Kuvira could think about was how her own parents batreyed her. They chose to cast her aside and Kuvira remembered all that nights she cried when she was 8 years old. She wondered how could they do it to her...
And now... Kuvira felt like she's about to do the same thing to her little baby who is slowly growing bigger and stronger every day.
She thought that this decision would be easier when the baby is still unborn but it wasn't... Kuvira felt sadness. If she was calculating correctly, today she was exactly two months far along...
Kuvira was laying in her bed and still felt sleepy. When she got home late at night, her fatigue defeated her thoughts and Kuvira went straight to bed. She should check the flight schedules on the airship station this morning but all flights were cancelled due to bad weather so Kuvira could have a day off.
When Kuvira sat up in her bed it started raining. She was holding duvets close to her chest and was looking at the raindrops falling outside.
Kuvira hoped the rain will stop before her evening watch. She should meet with Baatar today and was really nervous. Sometimes, Kuvira wanted to tell him everything. She knew he would support her and gave her strength... but all of it had to stay a secret... Kuvira felt so stressed...
She slowly stood up and headed to the bathroom. At least she hadn't felt nauseous today... That spearmint tea was really helping. Kuvira closed the door behind herself and took off her pyjama. She needed to take a shower...
While putting the pyjama on the cabinet Kuvira looked at herself in the mirror and something unusual caught her attention. Kuvira gasped and felt fear. She quickly got closer to the mirror and watched her reflection carefully once again.
Her lower belly... it looked bloated. But Kuvira knew she hadn't ate today... "Holy spirits" Kuvira whispered and felt that wave of fear again. This was not good. Kuvira took a deep breath and was looking at her belly from different angles... She slowly started showing...
"Oh no." Kuvira whispered sadly and felt tears forming in her eyes. She was looking at her small small baby bump and felt heartbroken even more.
To this day Kuvira's body still looked the same and the baby was just a word for Kuvira... but now, the baby was already showing, and was growing bigger everyday...
"You have to stop thinking about the baby, Kuvira" she said to herself and tried to convince her mind to not create the connection with that little life inside of her... the result of hers and Baatar's love. But it was really hard for her.
Kuvira entered the shower and let the warm water falling on her body. She didn't want to hurt the baby but there was no other choice for her. Kuvira had a plan and now knew she had to realise it as soon as possible...
There was no time left and Kuvira hoped that Baatar won't notice her little baby bump tonight. And tomorrow... Kuvira didn't even wanted to think about that horrible thing she is about to do...
Kuvira started sobbing and leaned on the shower wall. She lovingly put her hand on her little bump and caressed it. There was no other choice... Kuvira was saying goodbye...
Zaofu, the Beifongs' Residence, in the evening
Baatar was in his bedroom and was watching the sunset while opening the balcony door. The weather got better and Baatar was glad that Kuvira's evening watch was going okay.
When the balcony door was open, Baatar went to his working table and decided to finish some calculations before Kuvira comes. The dinner was already waiting for her and Baatar took a few strawberries with him as well... He knew Kuvira likes them.
Baatar looked at the small white stone which Kuvira gave him many months ago. They were not even dating at that time…He smiled for himself. He was keeping it on his working table and was looking at it many times a day. It had a size of a small plum and had a similar shape as well… It was Baatar's lucky charm…
A soft breeze made the curtains dance in the air when the sun already hided behind the mountains and domes started closing. Kuvira's evening watch just ended...
...
Kuvira was standing close to the willow tree in the Beifongs' gardens and was watching the domes closing. Her watch just ended and she was supposed to go to Baatar's balcony now but Kuvira was afraid. She didn't want to admit this emotion to herself, but lately, it was the only emotion she felt. Worries and fear all the time...
She took a deep breath and used all her courage to go to Baatar's place. Kuvira had to pull herself together and try to be as calm as possible... On the one hand, Kuvira wanted to be with him so much... but on the other hand... she wanted to run far away from all her problems... Kuvira sighed and looked at the balcony. It was time...
…
Baatar turned at the direction of the balcony when he heard Kuvira come. He stood up from his working table and went closer to her.
Kuvira gave him a smile and took off her helmet. Then they shared long loving hug. Kuvira wished for this all week... To be in Baatar's arms and not be alone at everything that happened. She closed her eyes and hided her face in Baatar's dark green shirt. He was gently caressing her hair and Kuvira then kissed him softly.
"I was so looking forward to be with you again." Baatar said and Kuvira felt warm feeling in her chest.
"I was looking forward too." Kuvira replied and wished she could tell Baatar everything... but she couldn't. "We will finally have some time just for the two of us." Kuvira added with smile and then realized it is actually three of them... Her heartbeat got faster..
Baatar smiled and took Kuvira's hand to his. "C'mon. The dinner is waiting for you." Baatar said with smile and led Kuvira to his working table in the next room.
When they entered the room, Kuvira immediately knew something was wrong... The dinner, it was grilled fish...
Kuvira felt her stomach churning as that strong fish smell got to her nose. This wasn't good... The baby didn't like that specific fish smell and Kuvira knew she will throw up...
"No... Please no, not now. Baatar can't know about you..." Kuvira told to the baby in her mind and tried to fight with her nausea.
When Baatar was preparing chair for Kuvira he said: "I know that you don't like fish that much but unfortunately, I couldn't bring anything else... But there is still plenty of food and I also got strawberries. I know you like them." Baatar's voice was calm as he watched Kuvira going closer to the opened window while taking off her armor.
"Strawberries will be perfect." Kuvira replied and she knew she will throw up in any second. "But I would like to have a shower before dinner. I'll eat it later." Kuvira added and Baatar nodded. He knew that wearing armor all day is not the most comfortable thing...
"Sure. You can take a bubble bath if you want." Baatar said with smile and watched Kuvira going quickly to the bathroom. He felt a strange tension from Kuvira. And he was feeling it for a longer time already that somethig is wrong with Kuvira. She tried to hide it but her eyes were showing otherwise. He knew her too well. Baatar knew something is bothering Kuvira and he was ready to find out what it is... she was just hiding it better than other people...
When Kuvira closed the bathroom door behind herself, she immediately turned on the bathtub faucet. Then she rushed to sat down on her heels in front of the toilet and started vommiting. Kuvira hoped that the sound of faucet is louder than her vommiting and Baatar won't hear anything...
Kuvira coughed and sighed when she stopped vommiting and was taking slow deep breaths. At least she hadn't ate that much during the day so her vommiting was not that serious...
She slowly stood up and flushed the toilet. The baby didn't like the fish at all…Kuvira went closer to the basin and rinsed her mouth. She washed her face with cold water and felt relief. She had to pull herself together before she returns to the bedroom… she had to behave as always…
Kuvira turned off the bathtub faucet and slowly took off her uniform. It was all so stressful these days... Kuvira had a plan and all those actions she is about to do were destroying her inside. She was afraid...
When Kuvira put her uniform on the floor she looked at herself... There was a very big mirror in Baatar's bathroom and Kuvira's eyes got on that place again. Her bump...
It still looked the same as in the morning but the idea that it won't be there in just a few days was tearing Kuvira apart... She wanted to cry again...
"Calm down Kuvira!" she said to herself. "There is no other choice and you know it..." she added and tried to forget everything her parents ever did to her. She had to end all of this... tomorrow…
...
After fifteen minutes, Kuvira walked out of the bathroom wrapped in the towel and saw Baatar standing by his drawing board. He looked at her with smile and said: "I ate that fish. I hope you don't mind."
Kuvira actually felt relief because at least she didn't have to worry about throwing up again. "It's okay. You know that I don't eat it and I am not that hungry anyway..." Kuvira replied and walked closer to Baatar while still holding the light green towel tightly. She knew that the bumb is really small but she still tried to hide every sign of it.
Baatar could not take his eyes from Kuvira. She was so beautiful as always. Her long hair were a bit wet from the shower and Kuvira's skin was still shiny from the waterdrops.
Kuvira knew what was Baatar thinking about... but it was not possible today... She always loved what they were doing together, but now, there were serious consequences. Kuvira had to stop him...
Baatar walked closer to Kuvira and wrapped his arms around her waist. Kuvira slowly wrapped her arms around his neck and hoped that the towel will stay at it's place.
Kuvira was looking to Baatar's eyes and on the one hand she really wanted to be with him. She wanted to kiss him and feel safe in his arms... but her brain had to follow her plan. It was the most important thing now...
Baatar closed the gap between them and they shared sensual kiss. Kuvira's heart was beating fastly and her hands traveled to Baatar's hair. His lips moved on Kuvira's neck and then on her bare shoulder. It felt so good... but they couldn't continue...
When Baatar tightened his hug, Kuvira accidentaly sighed in pain. Her breasts were really sensitive and that embrace was too tight so it was painfull for her. Kuvira didn't notice that sensitivity before and was now angry at herself that she showed her pain... She had to think of an excuse really quickly.
"Is everything alright, Kuvira?" Baatar asked with concerns and looked directly into her eyes.
"Yeah. It's just... it's just your face stubble. It's a bit spiky." Kuvira hoped that this will be a good excuse. The hairs on Baatar's cheeks were really a bit longer. Baatar usually keeped them long only on his chin.
Baatar put his hand on his cheek and really felt spiky facial hair. "Oh sorry. I forgot to shave my face yeasterday. I had so much work lately that I forgot it. I' ll be back in a minute" Baatar said with smile and Kuvira softly kissed his lips. Then he put his glasses on his working table and headed to the bathroom to take a shower and shave his beard.
"I will eat the dinner in the mean time." Kuvira said and felt relief when Baatar closed the bathroom door behind himself. He didn't found out anything...
Kuvira quickly opened Baatar's wardrobe and took her white knee length nightgown with long sleeves from it. She was hiding it there for a really long time but she used it probably only four or five times... Kuvira realised it was the same nightgown she was wearing that night when she got pregnant. It was... such a strange feeling for her but she didn't have anything else to wear here.
She quickly took it on and rushed back to Baatar's study. The dinner without that grilled fish was on the table but Kuvira had to quickly find something different before Baatar gets back.
She quickly walked closer to the bookshelves and was trying to find one specific book which she saw there once. It was her only chance...
After a few seconds she finally saw small black book with gold flower bloom on it's cover. It was book about dangerous plants and herbs...
Kuvira's hands were shaking when she took the book and studied all the pages. She felt fear, sadness and guilt but she didn't have any other choice... Abortions were banned in the Earth Kingdom and this was the only way how Kuvira could end all of this secretly...
After a while she found the herb she needed, a riverside wormwood... it was growing in the Zaofu Mountains and high dose of it... should induce the miscarriage...
Kuvira gasped and closed the book quickly when she found out of what things is that herb capable of... Her heart was beating fast and her breathing was heavy. She felt terrible and broken. Kuvira knew she will never forgive this to herself... but she had to do it...
She quickly put the book back on the shelf and walked closer to Baatar's working table. She still heard shower so she still had some time left to calm down.
Kuvira sat down to the table and was trying to eat something, but it was difficult. Her mind was full of thoughts and she wanted to cry again. But she knew that Baatar would be suspicious if the dinner would stay untouched. While eating, Kuvira noticed many papers with technical drawings and calculations. She knew that much more of these papers is in his laboratory as well. Baatar was working during the night here…and during the day in his laboratory. He had so much work. She didn't want him to be worried about their situation as well. It will be painful enough for her… Kuvira took his glasses from the table to her hand and studied it closely…''I wish I could tell you everything…''it was barely a whisper and Kuvira closed her eyes for a while…
She managed to eat a few slices of bread, dessert and strawberries. Kuvira hoped that her stomach won't be causing troubles again but it was now her mind that was so tired and devasteted...
Baatar in the mean time had a shower and was now shaving his face. When he was satisfied with the result he washed his face and walked out of the bathroom with the towel around his waist.
He took on his sleeping black shorts from the wardrobe and continued to his bedroom where Kuvira was sitting on the edge of the bed while looking out of the window. Her long black hair was down and still a bit wet from the shower. Baatar knew something was wrong...
Kuvira heard him enter the room but she was afraid to look at him. She was sitting on the bed where everything happened... where it all started... Kuvira remembered all that passionate kisses and touches... the way their sweaty bodies were moving under the duvets and the memory of all those actions was now placed in her stomach...
Baatar climbed on the bed and did something unexpected, he hugged sitting Kuvira around her waist from behind before she could stop him and rested his chin on Kuvira's shoulder. She knew that there is no way he could feel the bump because it was still really small but the wave of fear still ran through Kuvira's spine. But on the other side... she felt good when he was holding her safely in his strong arms...
"Kuvira? I know something is going on and that you are hiding it..." Baatar whispered to her ear and felt tension in her body. "you know I will always listen to you. You can tell me everything. Please don't hide it from me because if I don't know what is bothering you then I can't help you feel better." he added in comforting voice and gently kissed Kuvira's temple.
"Oh how much I want to tell you everything... but I can't." Kuvira sadly thought for herself but her lips said something different... She will tell him about her second insecurity which was bothering her lately...
Kuvira sighed sadly and turned her head on Baatar who had face full of concerns. "Am I a good captain, Baatar?" she asked quietly and Baatar now sat down next to her while holding her hands in his.
Baatar looked into Kuvira's eyes and saw sadness in them. He knew that her career was really important for her. "Of course you are. You are amazing captain and everyone knows that." Baatar said honestly and gave Kuvira a smile. "Why would you think otherwise?" he then asked.
"It's... it's because all things that happened lately... Harmonic Convergence, Aiwei's batreyal, the Red Lotus attack... I should sense something was going on much earlier... I feel like I failed..." Kuvira explained and it was really hard for her to talk about these insecurities.
Baatar caressed Kuvira's cheek and said: "Kuvira don't blame yourself for this. It was not your fault and even my mother didn't know about Aiwei's plans. There's no way how any of us could know he was helping them... Kuvira you are amazing captain...trust me... " Baatar gave her a smile and she thought about his words. Kuvira closed her eyes and leaned her head on his shoulder.
Kuvira always liked this specific tone of Baatar's voice. It was so calming..."Thank you, Baatar." she said quietly and felt how Baatar was caressing her hair. "I love you." she then whispered and Baatar kissed her forhead. Kuvira was happy that Baatar was caring about her.
Baatar loved when Kuvira said those three words. She was never really into showing feelings or emotions by words so this really warmed Baatar's heart. "I love you too, Kuvira... and I always will..." he said in return.
Kuvira felt teared apart now... "Would you still love me if you knew I am about to give up on our little baby..." Kuvira sadly thought for herself and tried to fight with tears again. She hugged Baatar and wanted to stay in his arms forever.
"Now can I do something to cheer you up?" Baatar whispered after a while with smile and Kuvira looked into his eyes.
"Will you read to me from one of your travel journals..." it was the only thing that came out of Kuvira, she always liked them. It was the only way how she could travel around the world, and escape far away from all her problems...
"Of course." Baatar said and watched Kuvira hide under warm blankets. He stood up and headed to his study to pick one travel journal from the bookshelf. He picked the one about the Northern Pole. Baatar knew that there are really nice ilustrations of the northern lights and Kuvira could like them. Then he took his glasses from his working table and headed back to bedroom.
Kuvira already prepared pillows next to her for Baatar and watched him turn off all the lights... The only source of light left was a small lamp on the night table.
"I picked this one about the North Pole. There are really nice pictures in it." Baatar said and laid on the bed next to Kuvira. She was wrapped in blankets and leaned her head on Baatar's shoulder.
Kuvira always liked moments like these. When they were laying together and enjoyed each other's presence. Kuvira felt calmer when Baatar's nice voice was reading about star constellations and blizzards. He was always the one with melodic calming voice. Kuvira's voice on the other side... was always really low for a girl. But Baatar was always saying it was making her unique...
She listened to Baatar's heartbeat and was looking at really nice ilustrations of the northern lights when Baatar's words caught her attention. "-the northern lights are visible during all year but the most beautiful and the biggest aurora is glowing on the night sky in December..."
December... Kuvira repeated this word in her mind many times... December was the month when their baby should be born... and it was the end of May now... Kuvira closed her eyes and cuddled closer to Baatar without saying a word. She... imagined how amazing father would Baatar be. He would be reading fairytales to their little one and loving the baby endlessly.
Would they have a little boy with glasses or a little girl with braids? Maybe... they could move in together to nice bigger flat in the City Center... or maybe some smaller house in the Southern Block with garden like a family...
"No Kuvira. You can't think like this... These are prohibited thoughts." Kuvira reminded herself in her mind and put that beautiful feeling that she could finally have a small loving family far away... "You know it's impossible..."
Baatar saw that Kuvira has closed her eyes and that her breathing is now really calm. He thought Kuvira fell asleep. He smiled for himself and put his glasses and the book on the night table...
"Good night..." he whispered to her ear and put a soft kiss on her forhead. Baatar wished he could cheer Kuvira up somehow but she tended to hide her fear deep inside of her and it was difficult for Baatar to read her emotions...
Baatar turned the lamp off and the bedroom was filled with darkness. After a while Kuvira heard Baatar's calm regular breathing and she knew he was asleep. She opened her eyes again. Kuvira just pretended to be asleep because she needed some time alone.
Kuvira slowly sat up and covered her face with her hands. She was so tired and stressed from everything. She fought with her sobbing because she didn't want to wake Baatar up. Kuvira had to hide her mourning deep inside of herself.
She didn't know for how long she was sitting on the bed but then... Kuvira laid on her side next to Baatar and was looking at his face. He looked so differently without glasses. He was hiding his dark eye circles behind them from working to the late night everyday... She rested her head on his shoulder and cuddled closer.
Then she got an idea…Kuvira slowly and carefully took his hand to hers not to wake him up and gently placed it on her stomach...
She was not exactly sure why she did that. Kuvira prohibited these thoughts and feelings to herself... Maybe Kuvira just wanted Baatar to have a chance to feel his child at least for a little while, maybe she wanted the baby to feel father's presence...
Or maybe Kuvira wanted Baatar to have a chance to say goodbye...
Kuvira sighed and placed her own hand next to Baatar's. They were all together now. All three of them.
Even though he was still asleep, Baatar's hand on Kuvira's belly felt so calming. "This is your dad, little baby...I am sure that... under different circumstances and in the different time... he would love you so much if he knew about you..."
Kuvira told to the baby in her mind and gently caressed her little bump..."I will never forgive this to myself..."
She took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling while tears ran down her face. After few hours Kuvira finally fell asleep with Baatar's hand still on her lower belly... She felt so many emotions and stress…
But the decision was already made...
Zaofu, the Beifongs' Residence, in the morning
When Baatar woke up Kuvira was still sleeping. She was resting her head on his chest and was holding his hand tightly.
Baatar had to wake her up because it was already quiet late... but he wished he could let her sleep longer. Baatar caressed her hair and felt Kuvira moving. When she opened her dark green eyes... Baatar smiled at her.
"Good morning." he whispered and Kuvira felt relief that her morning sickness probably won't come today. It seemed that Baatar's presence calmed her a bit and the baby as well.
"Good morning." Kuvira said and tried to hide all that sadness she felt. She gave Baatar a kiss and caressed his now shaved cheek. But she didn't have enough power to say anything else...
Their morning went as usual and after half an hour Kuvira and Baatar said goodbye to each other with long passionate kiss and warm hug.
"When I will see you again? Kuvira whispered while her arms were wrapped around Baatar's neck.
"Unfortunately I have to work on my father's and Varrick's project and there will be meeting with the investors on Saturday... But I promise that after that, we will go on a trip. Maybe we could visit the lake again." Baatar replied joyfully and Kuvira nodded with smile.
When leaving the balcony, Kuvira thought about her plan... It was Thursday... she had three days for doing what she needed to do..."I have to find that herb today..." Kuvira thought for herself and was trying to defeat herself from all that sad thoughts which she had during the night...
Zaofu, the Guards's Residence, late afternoon
It was cloudy weather and Kuvira was getting ready for a hike to the mountains. Her legs were heavy and she felt fear in her body. Kuvira went to her kitchen and took a small paper bag to her hand. It was for that dangerous herb...
Kuvira's breathing was heavy and her hands were shaking. Her heartbeat was faster than ever... Kuvira put the paper bag to her pocket and left her apartment... She heard thunders from afar when she was heading to the Zaofu Mountains to find the river spring... she was ready to end this…
...
It took Kuvira two hours to find the riverside wormwood. It was really rare herb and Kuvira didn't even know how big dose she should take so she would not hurt herself... It was really dangerous flower which was capable of causing death...
Kuvira decided to pick five blooms and put it carefuly to the paper bag with her shaking hands. She felt terrible...
Right at the moment when she put the bag to her pocket, she saw a big lightning not so far from her…she quickly had to get home…
When Kuvira was rushing back to Zaofu it started raining strongly and Kuvira had to run. The storm was getting closer but Kuvira couldn't catch breath after few meters. She was so afraid and tired... and she accidentaly fell on the ground. She groaned in pain and her left knee hurt. Kuvira started feeling tears in her eyes which were immediately washed by big raindrops...
Kuvira stood up and took a deep breath. She had to get home before the storm cames... She used the last pieces of enenrgy and headed back to Zaofu as quickly as possible. She ignored the pain in her knee and that all her clothes is wet... She had to get home and realise her plan.
...
When Kuvira finally got to her apartment, she couldn't catch breath. Her heart was beating as fast as it never did before and it looked that the weather outside was now perfectly portraying Kuvira's feelings. Fear, stress, anger, guilt, sadness... and broken heart. Right now, she wasn't that strong captain who is never afraid... she was just a nineteen years old girl who got into trouble and is now standing before the hardest decision of her life...
Kuvira quickly took off her wet jacket and shoes and then put the teapot on the stove. She took one metal cup from the cupboard and put all the wormwood blooms inside of it...
She tightened her grip on the sink and was waiting for water to start boiling. Her breathing was fast and her light green trousers and dark green shirt with long sleeves were still wet. Her braid as well...
Kuvira's legs were shaking. She didn't know if it was from fear, stress or cold. Probably combination of all... but no words could express how she was feeling right now. Kuvira knew she had to do it... end the pregnancy and pay all her attention to her work... She was still so young and having a child would be impossible in her situation... and Kuvira was worried about reaction of other people... This was all so hard...
When Kuvira saw that the water is boiling, she filled the cup and fluid started having really dangerous dark violet color. Kuvira's face was full of worries as she smelled the wormwood tea... It scented even more dangerous than it looked like... "I don't even know how big dose I should take..."Kuvira said to herself and felt the fast heartbeat... she had to drink it before she looses all the courage…
Kuvira sighed and took a lot fast deep breaths. She grabbed the cup and and closed her eyes full of tears... That heartbeat was that fast that Kuvira couldn't even listen to her own thoughts...
Thump... thump... thump... thump... Kuvira lifted the cup to her lips with her shaking hand and than she felt it again. Thump... thump... thump... thump... The heartbeat. It was really fast. But it was somehow quieter...
The cup was already touching her lips and Kuvira scented that dangerous smell of wormwood when she froze on place. She slowly opened her eyes and realized it is not her heartbeat which she is feeling... it's the baby's heartbeat...
She breathed out slowly and her eyes were still widely opened. It was the first time Kuvira felt that little heartbeat...
Kuvira slowly put her hand with the cup down and her eyes were now looking at her stomach. Kuvira put her shaking hand on her little bump and tried to feel the little one's heart again.
Thump... thump... thump... thump...Kuvira put the cup back on the table and she placed her second hand on her little bump as well. The baby was afraid... Kuvira felt that. The baby was scared because there was danger around. That smell of wormwood tea, the baby didn't like that smell at all and was frightened...
Kuvira remembered all that times when she felt afraid. When her parents left her and when she felt so alone all the time... She knew how it felt to be unloved and unwanted... She couldn't do the same thing as they did...
"I can't do this." Kuvira whispered while crying. "I can't do this to you..." Kuvira spilled the cup with that dark violet tea and watched it dissaprear in the sink. She knew that it would cause terrible pains to the baby and to her as well... Kuvira now put both her hands on her belly again. ¨I can't hurt you…¨
She pulled the fabric of her shirt up and felt her bare skin. When she sensed that little heartbeat again, she could no more deny that she fell in love with her baby so much. The result of hers and Baatar's love...It was scary and beautiful at the same time...
"I love you." Kuvira whispered to her little one and sat down on the kitchen floor while sobbing. "I always loved you and I always will..." she was now smiling. It was happy tears... "I am so sorry that you felt afraid but I promise it won't happen again..." Kuvira added and closed her eyes.
The decision was made... Kuvira knew she will have to get used to this new choice because she was still scared of motherhood and what will future brings... but... they will make it work with Baatar. Kuvira knew that... she is strong enough…
Kuvira was still sitting on the kitchen floor in her wet clothes but was now smiling softly. She will keep the baby. It will be hard and complicated journey but Kuvira was sure they will make it together... She didn't care what other people will say about all of that... The only thing that mattered to Kuvira was that hers and Baatar's little baby would have a loving family and nice home... she won't be like her parents… and she will find a way how to still be captain of guards…
She rested her hands on the bump and no words were needed. She was so close to drinking that tea and never having a chance to feel her baby…Kuvira was glad she didn't do it. She was surely scared and nervous, but she felt happy as well. Kuvira started to imagine how she should tell Baatar that he's going to be a father and what his reaction would be…
But there was enough time for all of that…right now, Kuvira felt that she made the right decision…it was something she wanted. And she wanted to give the baby a chance to meet mom and dad…
…
It was late evening and the kitchen was filled with darkness. Kuvira was still sitting on the floor in quiet and had a soft smile on her face. She started to imagine how their baby would look like again and the way of realization hit her. She hadn't ate all day…
"You have to be hungry..." Kuvira said quietly to her baby with worries and quickly stood up. She was also still wearing that cold wet clothes.
She rushed to the bathroom and took a long warm shower. That hot steam finally warmed Kuvira up and when she walked out of the shower she took on her warm long light green bathrobe and dried her hair with the towel.
She still had a little wound on her knee from that fall in the mountains so she carefuly put a plaster on it.
When Kuvira walked out of the bathroom she headed back to the kitchen and made a cup of spearmint tea and quick soup for herself which she decided to eat in her bed.
Kuvira went back to her bedroom and put the bowl and cup on the night table. She climbed on the bed and carefuly wrapped warm duvet around her waist. "It's better now, isn't it?" Kuvira whispered while softly caressing her bump and she felt nice heartbeat in return... It was the most beautiful and the scariest thing that Kuvira could imagine. She softly smiled for herself and started eating. At least she could make sure that the little one is warm and well fed...
When Kuvira finished soup and tea, she turned off the lamp and laid down in comfortable position... It was really long day today and after really long time, she felt truly relaxed. She didn't want to think about that long and complicated journey which is waiting for her... not now... But tonight, her mind was somewhere totally else.. Kuvira was thinking about the chance to have her own small loving family... for the first time in her life... "I will tell your dad about you on Saturday." Kuvira told her baby and closed her eyes.
Kuvira put her hand on her belly and that nice rythm of the baby's heartbeat brought Kuvira to the peaceful sleep... she felt happy... scared…but happy
Little did she know at that time that the Earth Queen was murdered and Ba Sing Se fell into huge chaos...Little did she know about the danger which is about to come…
Soo this was decision part 2. Are you surprised? Let me know in the reviews...The things might happen differently...stay tuned.