So I did lie. Some more story ideas came to me when I was bored out of my mind proctoring exams. I'm not sure this one is any good but I realized that I haven't written any Halloween stories, maybe because I don't have any good memories of this holiday. When I was in school I use to be chased home on Halloween by kids shouting racial epithets while wielding eggs and shaving cream.
But now that I have kids… I still hate this holiday. But for a kid what's not to like? Free candy, a day to wear costumes, and a reason to cause mischief. So here's a story for Halloween. I realize I've put Rex in this situation before but hey, why not it's funny.
I do not own the characters.
"Trick-or-treat!" A bunch of superheroes and monsters screamed.
Circe opened the door. "Oh, don't you all look so precious." She cooed. She began distributing candy from the bowl. "Here's some for you and you and you."
"Thank you." The kids ran off to the next house. Circe waved and closed the door. She turned around and put the bowl down on the front hall table.
"Honey? Where's my head?" Rex called from upstairs.
"I told you you'd lose it if it wasn't screwed on." Circe snickered.
"Ha, ha, ha very funny. You know what I mean. Oh, never mind here it is." There was silence for a few minutes before Circe heard footsteps coming from their room to the stairs.
The lower half of a cow complete with a set of udders appeared at the top of the stairs. As the cow started to walk down the stairs the head got stuck. Rex banged it a few times before he managed to dislodge it.
"How do I look?" His muffled voice came from inside.
Circe's mouth twitched. She was trying hard not to laugh. Finally after mastering herself she managed to blurt out, "Udderly ridiculous." She couldn't hold it in anymore and burst out laughing.
"Yes, hilarious but you know this is for Rafael." Rex tried to sound noble.
"Yeah, and you lost at rock, paper, scissors." Circe gasped in between her laughter. Rex and Circe had played earlier in the week to see who would have to take the kids trick-or-treating. Rex lost.
"I don't have to do this, you know." Rex was annoyed.
"I know, I know. I'm sorry." Circe didn't sound sorry. But she managed to contain her laughter. She called to her children. "Rafael, Violeta, it's time to …" She paused as if trying to decide if she wanted to say it. She did. "It's time to moooove." She burst out into another fit of laughter.
Rex started to go back upstairs.
"Sorry, sorry." Circe grabbed one of his hooves. "I can't help it."
"Well, you should." Rex grumbled.
The sound of little legs running from their rooms to the stairs could be heard. They were downstairs in a flash.
Rafael's face lit up when he saw the bovine.
"Yay, daddy's going as a cow." Rafael beamed. He was wearing a cowboy outfit. His sister was wearing a matching cowgirl outfit. Rafael was into the Wild West at the moment and wanted everyone to participate. There, however, could only be one cowboy. So Rex began suggesting other things he could have gone as but finally it was a toss up between a cactus or a cow. When they went to the costume store all that was left was the cow.
"Well, if you want to milk this night for all its worth you better leave now." Circe chuckled again.
Rex tried to give her a devastating look but it's hard to do that through plush. So he opted to walk out with his head held high, which was a mistake when his head got knocked off by the top of the doorway.
Some kids who were walking up the path, saw a cow without a head.
"Aaaa! It's the headless cowman!" One of them yelled and they all ran away screaming.
"It's headless horseman!" Rex yelled as he pulled his head back on. "Come on kids." Violeta and Rafael followed their dad out.
"Don't get into trouble again." Circe called.
"Please, when have I ever gotten into trouble?" Rex scoffed.
"Mrs. Marshall, twenty pounds of chocolate syrup, and toilet paper." Circe reminded him.
"I didn't know that was her sister, okay? Don't worry. Nothing will happen this year." Rex and the kids disappeared down the street.
Circe didn't believe that for a minute. But she shrugged and closed the door. What was the worse that could happen?
0o0
Three and a half blocks later they were carrying a treasure trove of sweets.
"Okay, kids I think we're done for the night." Rex told his kids.
"What? But we haven't even hit the rich side of the neighborhood yet." Rafael protested.
"Yeah, dad, they give out full size candy bars… full size." Violeta said excitedly.
Rex sighed. "Fine one more block."
As Rex stood on the corner watching his kids run to the first house, some bigger boys rushed past them, knocking over Rafael.
"Hey," Rex called indignantly to the bigger kids, "Where's the fire? Watch where you're going." He picked up Rafael.
The kids were already midway to the house but turned back to stare at the talking cow.
One of the bigger kids shouted, "Hey Bessie, why don't you hoof it out of here!" The two other boys laughed and high-fived him. They continued walking to the house.
"Dad, I'm okay. You don't have to…" Rafael said holding onto his dad. Although he couldn't see his dad's expression, he knew when his dad stiffened like he did, there would be trouble.
"Not now son, a dad's gotta do what a dad's gotta do." Rex adjusted his udder and stalked over to the older boys.
They had just finished getting their candy and were walking down the pathway to the street.
"So boys, you have a beef with me?" Rex said in a sickly sweet voice. "Well, I'm about to give new meaning to the word cow lick!" He formed his smack hands.
The boys screamed in fright and ran away. Rex rescinded his build satisfied that he had taught them a lesson.
"Rex Salazar, is that you?" An unwelcome familiar voice came from behind him.
"McKelly?" Rex spun around. McKelly's face appeared through the mouth of a giant chicken.
"I should have known that a freak like you would be picking on little kids." McKelly sneered.
"Hey, those degenerates knocked my kid over."
"One of those degenerates is my kid."
"Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Or in your case the egg doesn't roll far from the chicken."
"Yeah, well your kid's probably a freak like you and that's no bull."
Rafael tugged on his dad's tail. "Dad let's just go trick-or-treating."
McKelly's son also had come back and was urging his father to do the same. Both men shrugged their kids off.
"You wanna fight McKelly? I can take you on."
"I'm not stupid enough to take you on with your powers."
"I don't need my powers to dust the floor with you."
"Well, I'm about to put you out to pasture."
"That's foul and I'd like to see you try, you… you… big chicken."
"You're a beef jerk-y."
The two costumed men grabbed each other and began rolling on the floor. Apparently, it's hard to fight in any dignified manner when wearing costumes of farm animals.
0o0
The doorbell rang. Circe grabbed the bowl of candy and went to the door.
As she swung the door open she saw a man in uniform. "Aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating?" Circe frowned.
"No ma'am, I'm a real police officer. Are these your kids?" Violeta and Rafael appeared from behind his back. Circe gasped.
"What happened? Where's your father?" Circe bent down and checked her children.
"Can we eat the candy now?" Rafael asked.
"Riding in a police car made us hungry." Violeta added.
"Wait till I check it first, okay?" Circe told her children. She looked at the cop. "Is everything all right?"
"They're fine ma'am. Was your husband in a cow costume?"
"Yes. Is he all right?" Circe asked concerned.
"There's good news and bad news."
"What's the bad news?"
"He and his giant chicken friend have been arrested for disturbing the peace."
"What?"
"Yes, they managed to knock over a fence, destroy two lawn gnomes, and traumatize a dog."
"I'm so sorry, officer."
"Actually, we never liked that dog, so it's okay. But you'll have to replace the fence and lawn gnomes."
"Of course. Thank you." Circe let her children in and was about to close the door.
"Wait," the startled officer said, "Don't you want to come down to the station to bail him out?"
'Well, I think I'll let him stew for a little while. Besides he's probably safer in there right now. Good night, officer." Circe closed the door.
"Huh, that's what the guy said too." The officer shrugged and went back to his patrol car. He really hated the Halloween shift. It's when all the weirdos come out.
What do you think of the cow puns? Sorry, had to do it. Hope it was funny or at least made you groan.