"And so that's why she freaked out: she knew she liked women, but she had no prior experience and wasn't sure she'd read the signs correctly until I was literally kissing her." Ino swirled the melted puddle of ice cream at the bottom of her bowl. "Add on the fact that she was still processing a lot of 'what might have been' feelings about Neji, and I'm surprised she didn't freak out more, to be honest."

Sakura listened attentively to her friend, partly because she was so relieved things appeared to have ended happily, and partly because it was a welcome distraction from her own anxieties. Her anmitsu, the first of the promised five, had been delicious as always. She was tempted to lick the bowl just to make Ino scold her.

"And your clan approves of her?" she asked.

Ino nodded. "Yep. Like you said that night, she's basically a perfect candidate. It's still a bit early to formalise anything, of course. Tenten knows the baggage I come with, and accepts it; but we're just focusing on making each other happy for now." She leaned forward with a mischievous smile. "Now that my love life is better than ever, I think it's fair turnaround that I meddle with yours."

Sakura scoffed. "Love is the furthest thing from my mind these days."

"Oh come on," Ino said, her smile turning into a frown. "You think you've been at all subtle about your feelings for a certain man around whom every other conversation has revolved for months now?"

Stupid, mind-reading Ino-pig…

"I don't know what you're talking about," she replied with as much dignity as she could muster. "But," she continued, before Ino could interrupt or throw anything at her, "even if that were the case…it's becoming increasingly clear that he doesn't see me the same way. When I was first recovering, he was always there for me. I guess I just confused kindness for attraction."

It was a miserable confession, and long overdue. The hope fluttering in her chest had not weakened over time, and it was hard to say the words that would drive a nail through its heart.

"Are you sure?" Ino asked. "I can only speak for my own observations, but it's clear to me at least that he truly cares for you."

"Of course he cares," Sakura sighed. "I'm his broken little student. But I'm healing. I'm reconciling the inside of me with the outside. I'm saying goodbye to my old lives and embracing the future. I wanted-" the words lodged in her throat for a moment, "I wanted him to be in that future. But every day that I feel a little better, he drifts a little further away."

Since she'd managed to crack Kakashi's sword, she'd hoped his facade would also stay cracked. But shortly after that, the date of his ascension to Hokage was announced and the swords classes were abruptly ended. With all of her preparatory classes now complete, Sakura was given a recommendation to take the jounin exam in the next session. Everything was once again changing, and once again those changes were dragging her further from Kakashi.

"Maybe you should talk to him about this?" Ino suggested. "I was going to ghost Tenten for the rest of my life after that kiss, and if she hadn't reached out and forced us to discuss it, I would never have known one way or another how she really felt."

"I can't burden him with this so close to his inauguration. Besides, it would be enough for me to be able to stay by his side. It wouldn't hurt if we never got closer, just as long as he stops pushing me further away. Now please, let's talk about something else. Tell me again about Tenten's new mission."

"I'm not nervous."

Kakashi smiled. "I didn't say you were."

Sakura had ambushed him on one of the rare days he didn't need to leave the apartment, inviting herself inside and grabbing her favourite of his mugs before he had even closed the door behind her. He had half-expected the visit, so just removed his mask and got out of her way.

Once Sakura had made them both coffee (with the exact sugar-milk ratio that he liked, even though most assumed he was a black-as-my-soul kind of guy) and joined him in the living room, she had wasted no time in getting to the point.

"I'm not nervous," she repeated, taking a sip of her own black-as-my-soul coffee with five sugars. "I'm just full of the normal, healthy amount of anticipation that anyone would expect to feel on the eve of the most important test of their life. And I happened to run out of coffee."

"Well I'm glad to be of help," he said, because today it would be too cruel and too much effort to attempt his usual routine of 'I'm far too busy and emotionally distant to be relied on after all, so you should move on and forget about your fool of a captain while we can still part on good terms.' It would all be true soon enough, anyway. "Even if all you need is coffee."

"I need about a thousand more years of training and study," she grumbled, but immediately sat her mug down and made the rat sign for ending jutsu. "Unless those thousand years are only a lie created by a time-space illusion, of course."

"I thought you were feeling better about…all that."

"Oh, I am." Sakura resumed drinking as if she hadn't just double-checked reality. "It's become a bit of a superstition, just to make sure nothing bad happens." She frowned at the dark surface of her coffee. "I usually only do it when I catch myself missing that other place, or have a dream about it."

"You're allowed to miss it and think about it," Kakashi said, wishing he could reach out and hug her like he used to. But that wasn't a good idea anymore.

"I don't really," she said, with a too-bright smile. "Not all of it, and not all the time. As I said, it's just a silly little superstition, like warding off bad luck by knocking on wood." She rapped her knuckles on his cheap coffee table to demonstrate.

Kakashi had an idea. "Actually," he stood, "if it's luck you need, then wait right here." He stepped into his bedroom, grabbing his 'Happiness' charm from where it sat on his bedside table. "I'm sure you've already got one, but you can borrow mine for tomorrow and double down on your positive energy."

Sakura received the charm with both of her coffee-warmed hands. "I wasn't sure you'd even kept it," she said quietly.

Kakashi opened his mouth to say something reassuring that neither of them would believe, but thought better of it. Instead, he gave her an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry I've been a bit distant lately."

"Did I do something?" Sakura's expression was suddenly tormented, a ghost of her worst days. He wondered how long she had been waiting to ask that. "And if so, can I take it back?"

"You didn't do anything," Kakashi assured her, heart sinking under the weight of fresh guilt. "I did."

She frowned. "What did you do?"

I fell for you. "I agreed to become Hokage, for one thing. You've seen the toll it takes on Tsunade. I won't have much time for my friends once I start, and I thought a gradual change might be better for everyone."

"You mean better for me," Sakura guessed. "You were worried I was becoming too dependent on you, and would relapse if you suddenly disappeared out of my life?"

He nodded, wishing his mask was up. He felt too exposed around her these days, like she was seconds away from discovering all his secrets and tipping them headfirst into an even harder conversation.

"You've made quite a few incorrect assumptions there, Kakashi. For one thing, I'm tougher than I look." She winked. "And for another, you wouldn't have to disappear out of my life at all. I do know where to find your new office: it's the big one."

He laughed gently, but it sounded more like a sigh. "I know. I'm sorry, you're right. Nothing needs to change."

"Nothing needs to change," she echoed, turning the Happiness charm in her hands.

The pink-haired girl stepped into the clearing, shaking rain off her bamboo umbrella like she was on a stroll through town instead of the Forest of Death.

"You must be the one the Hokage bet on to win," one of the exam supervisors ringing the campfire called out to the woman. "She hate you, or what?"

There were five chunin currently undertaking the jounin exam, roaming the Forest of Death for the supervisors. The ten supervisors had decided to camp as a group for the night, but despite their numbers they carried only one set of bells between them, and nobody could progress without them.

The girl laughed, stepping a little closer to the fire. "Tsunade's bad luck doesn't matter when it's a sure bet."

The others jeered. "Does she even have a weapon on her?" a jounin woman asked, and a sensory type shook his head.

"No metal at all except for her forehead protector and a few fasteners," he confirmed. "And no other chunin for half a click."

So she wasn't the decoy; this, walking straight into the 'enemy' camp, was her solo play for the bells.

"Thus far, we are not impressed," a ginger-haired jounin stood up, grabbing a double-handed axe that was taller than he was. He cracked his thick neck with an air of supreme boredom. "Do you even know which of us is carrying the bells, or is that why you're trying to take us on all at once?"

She didn't seem fazed by the display of power. "I don't know which one of you has the bells," she admitted, resting her umbrella over one shoulder. "I figured I'd just pick you up and shake you until someone jingles."

"Well, bring it on, pinkie. You're outnumbered ten to one, waltzed right into camp instead of using stealth or the terrain to your advantage, and your only weapon is a shitty wooden umbrella! Tell me honestly: are you just here because the fifth and the future sixth have a soft spot?"

She smiled. "Guess you'll find out."

"I'm rich!"

The air in the Hokage's office was festive, but hurtling headfirst toward rambunctious. Sakura had been whisked away for a 'celebratory drink' the second she emerged from the forest, bells in hand. That had been an hour (and four celebratory drinks) ago. It was now almost two in the morning and Sakura was still covered in mud, sweat, and other people's blood. Her post-fight adrenaline had long ago been replaced with the buzz of saké, which added to the strange, liminal feeling of the moment. She wanted to go home and take a shower. She wanted to keep drinking with Tsunade and Shizune until the sun came up and the Hokage had to be carried to her room. Most of all, she wanted to tell Kakashi she had passed.

"A toast!" Tsunade declared suddenly, raising her cup. Sakura groaned good-naturedly, her pink face turning pinker. "To Haruno Sakura, my incredible protégé, who not only passed the jounin exam with flying colours, but also won me a lot of money by doing it on the first night!"

Shizune cheered, startling the sleeping Tonton in her lap. Tonton tumbled to the floor with a squeal that probably translated into a string of colourful words.

Tsunade laughed heartily. "On that undignified note, perhaps we should call it a night. But Sakura: come see us tomorrow. We want to discuss your future."

Sakura cocked her head, making the world tilt just a little too far in the process. "My future?"

Tsunade waved her hand dismissively. "Tomorrow, tomorrow! But after noon, or your future will be very short indeed."

Sakura knocked on a door that wasn't hers. She had decided to count to twenty, and if the door still hadn't opened she would go to bed and call again at a respectable hour.

She got to eight before the door swung open. Kakashi, maskless and a little wild-eyed, scanned her up and down.

"You okay?"

"Yes?" Perhaps this was a silly idea. She glanced down at herself and wished she'd opted for the shower instead.

Kakashi exhaled slowly. "Nobody shares good news after midnight, Sakura."

"I would have thought you'd be used to me barging in at all hours by now." To illustrate her point, she went to his kitchen and flicked on his kettle. Coffee was the last thing on her mind, but she felt…on edge, somehow, and it helped to have something to do with her hands.

"Only when I know you're not in the middle of a very dangerous test," he said, following her. "I thought someone was coming to tell me you'd been beaten to a pulp and I'd have to go identify your body."

She gasped in mock protest. "You really think so little of me?"

"Hmm." He paused for a second like he was thinking about it, but without his mask Sakura could see the smile he sometimes forgot to hide. She punched his arm lightly, and he chuckled. "No, of course I knew you'd pass. You're Haruno Sakura, after all."

"Damn right," she said, but his words still warmed her. It was different, somehow, when he said he believed in her. When he said her full name.

Just tell him how you feel...

"I came over to give you your charm back," she said instead, fishing it out of her back pocket and handing it over. "Wanted to make sure you got it before your swearing-in ceremony."

"Thanks. But we probably could have made time to meet up before then." He smiled wryly. "During daylight hours, for instance."

She laughed sheepishly, hoping her face wasn't still flushed. "Sorry. I was excited."

"It's okay," he assured her. "I wanted to see you too."

He did?

"You did?"

"Mhm. I have a present for you. Close your eyes and hold out your hands."

She obeyed, trying to ignore her racing heart and how the alcohol in her system made the simple action into something strange and illicit.

A few seconds passed, and then something light and silky was being draped across her outstretched palms. She opened her eyes. It was a red scarf, about the length of a forehead protector, but made of softer material and missing the village plate.

"I thought it might be time to reintroduce a little red to your wardrobe," Kakashi said, softly. "I missed it."

She ran a thumb along the grain of the satin. "It's beautiful." And it was. It had clearly been bought from a civilian shop, made for people who could dream of nice things actually staying nice.

"Would you like help putting it in?" Kakashi gestured to her hair, but Sakura shook her head. "Can you put it around my neck instead?"

"Sure." He took the scarf back and Sakura brushed her hair out of the way. It was growing in a little shaggy, especially at the back. She tried not to stare at Kakashi as he gently slid the scarf around her neck and tied a simple knot at the hollow of her throat. After a moment's consideration, he moved it slightly to the left of centre. "Perfect."

"Thanks." For some reason they were speaking so softly it was almost whispering. Perhaps because they were standing so close together. Perhaps because it was the middle of the night.

Slowly, as if afraid she would break, Kakashi traced a finger along the fabric against her collarbone.

Is this real?

For once it was just a question and not a crisis. Yes, this was real. No illusion, she realised, had ever done him justice.

She leaned in, closing the scant inches between her mouth and his.

Kakashi froze, and Sakura closed her eyes, preparing to be pushed away. But to her surprise, strong arms encircled her waist, hands sliding up her arms as if to hold her against him. His lips parted ever so slightly.

And then he pushed her away.

"You should go," he told her. His hands were still on her, but gripping her shoulders at arm's length.

It dawned on her too slowly that he was rejecting her. "Have I…" she stopped, cleared her throat, willed herself to try again. "Have I misunderstood you?"

"Yes." He let go of her shoulders and backed up until he was pressed against the far counter.

"You don't…?" Want me? She had been so sure a second ago.

"I can't." He sounded breathless, as if they were in the middle of a sparring match.

"Can't?" That wasn't a no, but it didn't make much sense either. Did he not understand that she was offering it to him? "Why on earth not?"

"Because I can't." He raked a hand through his hair. It was rare to see him rattled, and she still couldn't understand what had caused it. She could accept rejection, painful as it would be. But he wasn't saying no, he was saying can't.

The kettle began to whistle, switching off automatically. They both ignored it.

"Is it because you're going to be Hokage? The role isn't a celibate one, Kakashi."

"I can't do this," he gestured between them, "with you."

She wished she were sober for this. She wished she were clean. She wished she didn't have to make him say it, but she did. She needed to hear the words or her heart would never believe it.

"So it's because you don't want me?"

"It's because you're eighteen years old, Sakura!" he finally snapped.

The scars of an old wound twisted in her gut. "But I'm not!" She took a step forward. "I'm in my thirties. You know that." You were the only one who never doubted it before.

For the first time since revealing his bare face to her, he raised his mask and hid it. "You're eighteen," he said, posture rigid, "in every way that matters. The other thirteen years don't count; not for this. For this, you're eighteen and I'm thirty-one."

"Because that's how other people see me," she guessed. "You're worried about your reputation."

He laughed mirthlessly. "If anything, I'm worried about yours. And for all that I know you spent half a life in what was effectively an alternate dimension, this time last year, to me, you were barely seventeen years old."

"And about to go to war," she argued, even as she felt him close off to her. "If I wasn't too young to die, why should I be too young to love?"

Kakashi just shook his head. Sakura wanted to scream, and cry, and beg him to love her, even just for a night; but that would only confirm his claims.

"I'm eighteen," she acknowledged instead. "And you're thirty-one. And our friend, Hyuuga Neji, is also eighteen."

"What?" Kakashi narrowed his eyes at this sudden change in tack.

She smiled at him, but it was cold as ashes. "This time next year, I'll be nineteen, and you'll be thirty-two, and Neji will still be eighteen."

"Sakura…"

"Thirteen years from now, my body will match my current age. And Neji, just like everyone else we lost, will still be the same. Damn. Age. As ever."

"Stop this." He was using his teacher voice on her, which might have been funny if it weren't utterly galling.

"I'm not a child and I'm not made of glass. I'm Haruno Sakura, and I am a jounin of the Hidden Leaf. I am an adult both legally and mentally, and a weapon before anything else. I don't have time to care about something as meaningless as ages or age gaps. None of us do."

"You should leave." Kakashi wouldn't even look at her anymore. His eyes were squeezed shut like he was praying for the patience to deal with her. Like she was still a precocious genin with no particular talent or potential.

"I won't ask you again," she warned, sounding far more confident than she felt. "This is your one and only chance. I'm done chasing men who won't meet me halfway."

He opened his eyes, and there was nothing left in them at all. "I'm sorry, Sakura-chan. Just forget tonight ever happened."

True to her word, she left. Kakashi watched her go. He heard her front door click shut behind her, and her own door across the hall squeak open. He watched the sun start to come up from his kitchen window, and then, heart heavy, he grabbed the two unused mugs from the counter and pushed them as far into his cupboard as he could reach.