3rd of May, M.E. 755
The plague of bigotry and suspicion in Insomnia can no longer be tolerated. I saw merely a hint of it at the Founder's Day festival. Merely a glimpse when I spoke to the vendor from Galahd. I'd seen only a peek of it in the Senator's eyes or in Lord Yore's demeanor. Today, it reared its horrid head in full view of anything good and decent in this world.
I'd sent Aleya on an errand today. She was taking a bit longer than usual, and I found myself out of coffee in the meantime. Usually, she minds the supplies for me. I thought she had indeed been rather busy today, and there was no harm in making a quick stop by the pantry myself.
To my surprise, I found her there—in that quiet, dim, lonely, little room. Her back was turned. In my dimwitted manner, I simply called to her, heedless of the other voices that could be heard on the other side of the wall. She seemed startled, and when she turned to me, there was no mistaking the look of pale, stricken shock on her face.
She was embarrassed for me to find her in such a state, of course, but she held her gaze upon me with a sort of helpless expression on her features. I'll also never forget the swift tear that ran down the left side of her cheek. She wiped it away expediently, but I could surmise straight away that she was in absolute despair. She seemed to plead with those beautiful eyes that I admire so often.
My first instinct certainly was to correct the matter—amend any trouble that had caused her such grief. I also quickly resolved to comfort her. However, as I approached, I could hear voices on the other side of the wall; The obscene things the Crownskeep women were speaking to each other. It was so mind-numbingly shocking, I froze in place, and simply listened for a moment. I wanted to turn deaf. What horrible things they called my virtuous assistant! How dare they call her such things! How could they possibly believe I hired her with such intentions?
She simply spoke my name. The voice was soft and beseeching, and it didn't sound like Aleya at all. No, it was nearly a sob, a gasp for linguistics while she was so hurt. I met her eyes again, and I felt as if something had torn into my chest. I wished to soothe her. However, when I reached out to her, she simply rushed past me and out of the door, embarrassed beyond comprehension.
I cannot ever recall being so furious in my short life, but at this moment, I was intensely livid. I could hear them conclude their conversation with girlish twittering giggles. I exited the pantry to greet them in person in the hallway. They emerged chattering among themselves. And I am quite certain it was my expression that caused them all to pale and scatter when they noticed me.
I tried to find my assistant afterwards, but she was not answering her phone. I didn't find her for quite some time.
I found Noctis and Prompto though, muddling through training. They could sense my foul mood. With prodding, I finally -and very uncharacteristically of me-poured out the entire state of events on our future king.
He was equally offended. He is beyond fondness for Aleya. As he regards me as a surrogate sibling of sorts, I suppose he equally regards her as one. Noctis remarked that one day he would inherit the responsibility of governing such a stupid people. At that, Prompto put in something to the effect of 'such stupidity should be illegal'.
It was then that Noct paused with a glimmer in his eye. No, not a glimmer. It was more a spark of mischievous resolution. When he spoke of his plan, I was so proud of him, I felt my chest swell with pride, as if he were my own son. I shan't speak of his plan here. That should be saved for another day.
Later, I returned to find Aleya at my desk, compiling files wordlessly, perfectly composed from the last I saw her.
[FLASHBACK]
"Leya."
She didn't look up at him. She continued rifling through the files, marking and setting aside the ones that needed to be amended or updated.
"Where have you gotten off to? I looked for you everywhere. I thought to call the Glaive for a search and rescue mission."
"I needed some fresh air. I'm sure you understand." Still refusing to meet his eyes, it seemed.
He wasn't sure what to say in reply. Her tone was guarded, the resolution coming through crystal clear. She was all business once again. He knew her well enough to know, however, of what must be brewing internally, fueling her desire to keep her distance. "Aleya," He walked over and stood next to her. "Please. What they were saying today….You should pay it no mind—"
She cut him off as she tapped the bottom of the stack of files on his desk sharply. "It doesn't matter." She stood abruptly. It was her intention to leave. He could tell by the way her eyes traveled past him, noting the quickest exit. He moved to block her. She dodged to the opposite side, and he again barred her path. She made a face and dropped her chin. Still, he couldn't get her to look at him.
"But it does matter. It means a great deal to me." He noted her expression: a brief raise of the eyebrows, a quick part of the lip. Her glabella furrowed a bit. He set his coffee down resolutely and reached out, placing his palms on her shoulders. "I'm sure it must have wounded you deeply. But do know, they are only saying such nonsense because they know they can never possibly reach your caliber."
Her eyes turned up to him suddenly, surprised, brimming with mist. "Ignis. It's not about me! I don't want you to—"
"There, now." He said with a soft smile. "None of that. There was not an ill word spoken about me. But pay them no heed. No heed at all." And before he realized what was happening, he had wrapped her up in his arms in a comforting and protective embrace.
She gave one hiccup of a sob. Her tiny hand, which had secured the documents, curled against his torso. "Igs…" She breathed. And finally, she allowed the pent up emotions to overtake her.
He had seen her cry before. It was the first time he had heard her heart break, though. She never spoke a word in her defense, she never voiced a single accusation. She simply cried, her much smaller body shaking with the exertion of frustrated gasps of breath through the tears. She let out all the shame and grief, and he simply held her. He held her until she was too tired to cry any longer. And he held her until his fury had reached an apex it had never reached before.
[Back to Entry]
7th of May, M.E. 755
I'm afraid I've found myself in quite the conundrum. Senator Lorche's daughter continues, unrelenting, to invite me out. Whether it be coffee, dinner, or even to run errands, she seems incorrigible. I'm at a loss as to what to do. The only thing I can think of is to have a conversation with her father about it.
10th of May, M.E. 755
Well, my conversation with the Senator did not go well. When I tried to humbly explain that I was quite flattered by his daughter's advances, but I had no intention of pursuing a relationship with anyone at the time, he seemed to feign ignorance. When I explained she was a lovely person and no harm was intended, but that I must have her understand I would never accept her invitations, he grew sour.
Unfortunately, it ended with him leaving the room with a slam of the door. He proclaimed that if I was not interested in his daughter, I was insane; Further, she would never be interested in a 'half-breed servant' such as I.
I've never realized before now the dark and deep veins of this xenophobia. I cannot possibly understand why I've never seen it before. It's twice now that my parentage has been stated as an insult. I don't believe I've ever heard it before that infamous battle with Lord Yore, and this is only the second I've heard it. Was it that I've never noticed, or that this bigotry is growing more profound?
Speaking of Yore, I've not heard anything about him recently. Last I heard was when the Crownsguard meant to launch an investigation into why he was the man responsible for Aleya's traffic accident. I'd best check on the progress of that probe in short order.
15th of May, M.E. 755
Aleya's tired. She tries ever so hard to hide it, but I can tell. She's launching herself into her career with a fury. I would say it's simply her character—which, of course, it is—but I know there's more to it. She's still unsettled about the rumors. She desires to prove her worth to me; To prove the lies about her (about us, I suppose) wrong. She's taking on more than she should. I try to stop her, but she won't listen. And if I fail to give her enough to do, she's doing favors for Gladio or Noct and running extra training sessions at the gym. I fear the pace in which she's toiling will cause her harm.
22nd of May, M.E. 755
All this week, I've struggled. Noct is being unreasonable, Gladio's been unavailable. The war's been going badly, and it's been meeting after bloody meeting. I've received three calls in the middle of the night. Which means, of course, that my assistant receives them as well. And, as she is not stationed near the Citadel, the travel time is significant. We were concluding last night when she managed to arrive.
I find it distressing that I am so concerned with her health. My attentions should be on His Highness, the war, and the messages we've received regarding Zegnautus' experimentations. Instead, I keep thinking back on those ill-fated words my uncle gave me so many months ago. Will my assistant tire of the rumors and the pace of tending to the Royal Family? Is she alright? Am I working her too hard? Is that why she would leave—because she could find meaning and purpose without going numb with fatigue if she were to go to Altissa? Is she even safe to travel the roads to come to these horrid meetings in the middle of the night?
This is what I mean by avoiding distractions. There should be a clear line in the sand here.
Unacceptable. Simply unacceptable.
23rd of May, M.E. 755
Noct was very adamant that we should all go and catch a movie this weekend. He insists we are getting 'uptight'. Perhaps he's right. We're all snapping at each other. We're all in foul moods. I can't remember the last time I truly relaxed—even the last camping trip was dreadfully awkward for me.
Aleya now has the additional burden of looking after her brother. He was injured during the last battle over the trail, near the Disc of Cauthess. It sums the empire wishes to move in and conquer there, as well. I've no doubt the Archaean will be hospitable, should they try.
She must be exhausted.
Noct seems quite pleased with his part-time job, living alone, and enjoying his life away from the Citadel. I try not to be bitter about it. He wants to scrape every bit of joy from the arrangement as possible before the inevitability of his royal duties overtakes him.
Gladio has officially mastered the Great Sword and the techniques therein. There will be a ceremony to promote him tomorrow, officially. Basically, he will be known as the Crown's Shield. Or, as he will be known in the future, the King's Sworn Shield. We offered to take him to dinner. Imagine my chagrin when I learned he's already made plans with my assistant.
I thought they had agreed not to date? Perhaps it's none of my business.
There will be no deflating his ego tomorrow.
25th of May, M.E. 755
I have no idea what happened last night. I couldn't sleep; Troubled thoughts were plaguing me once more. I decided to stop by the cafeteria for warm tea and then by the library for a book.
Imagine my surprise when turning a dark corner and nearly tumbling over my assistant. She was dressed once more as a Crownskeep, even donning the wrap around her head as the more intensive cleaners wore. She had gloves and knee pads. She was scrubbing the baseboards on her hands and knees in the dim light of the citadel's lamplights. I think she called me 'boss' but I can't remember. She asked me if I was alright as she scrambled to her feet, but I was surprisingly livid and fumed at her.
I demanded to know why she was scouring the floors at three in the morning. (After all, hadn't she been out late already on her dinner date with Gladio?) She merely replied someone—was the name Sailee? Hailee?—was out on maternity leave, and my Uncle was in dire need of help during the night shift. When I asked if my uncle had called her in, she assured me he had not. She had simply heard and volunteered. "Your uncle is under a lot of stress these days," she told me matter-of-factly, as if I didn't know how to care for my own uncle.
Perhaps I don't, as it is obviously beyond me to care for my assistant, as well. She's so willful. I've no idea how to get her in hand. I was so furious, and I had no idea why. I suppose I just expect her to take great pains to care for herself, and she does not do so. Why is a woman that's so glaringly brilliant lacking the mental fortitude to look after herself? I simply have no words.
I hardly spoke to her at all today. I have no idea why. I can't even explain it. Maybe all this responsibility placed upon my shoulders is finally taking its toll…
27th of May, M.E. 755
We went to the movie, as Noct suggested. However, I fear he may have had ulterior motives.
He invited along Aleya, who promptly and very politely declined, as expected. Noct, of course, -always able to use his position when convenient—rather indebted her to accompany us. What choice did she have? Noctis insisted on driving. It was a miracle we survived the journey, as he seems to enjoy speed and loud cacophony rather than watching where he's actually going. Sometimes I swear he is attempting to retrieve Cor's title by tempting fate. Despite the hypertension due to imminent mortal peril, there were other problems. Aleya had to ride in the back seat of the rather small vehicle His Highness had retrieved from the stock. And as Gladio's hulking frame took up a square half of the back seat, Leya had no choice but to crowd in between us.
I didn't relish the thought of her form squeezed up to Gladio, so I made myself as small as humanly possible to allow some space between them. It was bloody awkward. I've never been that close to her in my life—even when we were dancing those months ago. I could scarcely breathe. When we finally stepped out of the car, I could tell she was as flustered and embarrassed as I. (Which is, of course, why I offered to take her home via Taxi later that evening.)
After the tickets were purchased, she wandered off to the ladies' room, while the other three wildly cast off their inhibitions and ordered a veritable smorgasbord of concessions. And who was left to mind them all while they relieved themselves? There I stood—like an old married man holding the purse and shopping bags.
Ever the assistant, Leya came to my rescue.
[FLASHBACK]
"Oh, gosh. Did they really leave you with all this stuff?"
Ignis couldn't even catch a glimpse of her over the chewy candy and two large buckets of popcorn.
She gave a soft chuckle. "Let me help you." She took the two popcorns, leaving him with an arm full of soft drinks and candies.
He sighed as if the two containers had weighed 80 kilos. "Ah, that's better. Thank you, Aleya."
"Why don't you just tell them no?"
"You're the one to talk, seeing as how you were coerced to come here." She shot him a look of falsified sarcasm. He gave her a soft smile. "I apologize on his behalf. I know you weren't expecting to come here today. No doubt you're beyond fatigued." He stole a glance of her out of the corner of his eye. She truly hadn't expected to be invited. She was still wearing her uniform, with the pencil skirt today instead of the slacks. Where had her jacket gotten off to? Perhaps she left it at the office…
As she turned to look at him, his eyes darted away nervously. He didn't want her to catch him looking at her arms.
"It's okay. It could be worse. He could ask me to go fishing again."
Ignis chuckled jovially. "I've never seen that reeling technique before."
"I told you! The reel jammed!"
"Regardless, it made it no less amusing. I thought we'd never get your hands untangled from the line."
"Hey! It wasn't exactly pleasant. I was bleeding."
"Yes, you were." He had dressed the wounds himself.
She narrowed her eyes at him as he laughed. "You'll get yours one day, Ignis Scientia. You just wait and see."
It was the good-natured banter they naturally fell into when they were alone and let their guard down. Indeed, Ignis found it extremely easy to speak to her in a casual setting—as easy as speaking to Noct, Prompto, or Gladio. However, there was always a bit of a foreign sensation—a longing—that he couldn't seem to identify. There was an anxiety that he might say or do something incompetent. There was always a distance that seemed to separate them by miles, even when they were standing shoulder-to-shoulder, as now.
She finally spoke. "This is torture, you know."
"Pardon?"
"All this buttery goodness under my nose—and I have no hands to spare to get to it."
He looked down at her with a slight twinkle in his eye. "Dive in, then."
She stared at him questioningly. The curiosity there—the slight shimmer of an apprehensive smile—hung in her eyes. Was it his imagination, or had her eyes gained a bit of their old spark? When they had arrived, she had looked rather pale and listless, tired and disinterested. Indeed, it was how she had spent most of her time over the last several months, as if she were too tired to attempt light-heartedness. But as she looked at him now, her features changed. And as he stared at her, he took in her wide-eyed, happy intrigue. He was lost for a moment, forgetting himself. Had she always had dimples? He supposed she had. Had her hair always caught the light? Of course. Where in Eos had that scar on her clavicle originated? He had always wondered about that. He cleared his throat. "…Nose first. I won't tell if you won't."
And with that, her lips parted into a full grin; The one that always seemed to catch him by surprise. She tossed her head back and laughed, and he couldn't help but laugh with her as his eyes fell to her throat. She had always been pretty. But had she truly always been so beautiful? Why in the blazes was he just noticing now, at this very moment?
"Well, you two sure are having a good time." Out of the blue, Gladio's voice. Ignis had seen him coming, of course, but had been so lost in the moment that his eyes had chosen to ignore him. Distractions, distractions!
"We had to occupy ourselves after you stuck poor Ignis with all the food." After she passed the popcorn to Noct and Gladio, her hand fell to Ignis' arm, covering his bicep. It was only a simple gesture, a natural motion in reference to the person of whom she spoke. Nevertheless, something caught in Ignis' stomach happily. "What took you so long, anyway? Had to touch up your mascara?" Her hand slid away.
Prompto giggled awkwardly. Then again, he was an awkward young man, who always seemed to blush and go as still as a statue when Aleya spoke to him—either directly or indirectly. "Ah, so you noticed, huh? Heh, heh."
"Wha'cha talkin' about, anyway?" Noct wondered, popping a handful of air-popped, buttery goodness into his mouth.
Ignis never lost a beat. "We were wondering if your height will ever approach your father's." With that, he took Aleya's elbow and gently pushed her towards the theater hallway.
Prompto laughed, Gladio snorted, and Noct protested, but as was his preference, Ignis had gotten the last laugh. Only he could have gotten away with saying such a thing, and they all knew it.
Seating arrangements were next up, and each of Ignis' male companions made excuses—whether believable or not—to occupy the outside 3 seats. It was quite obvious they had decided on seating before ever entering the showing room. "Besides," Prompto said cheerfully as he gestured to his rather large fountain drink, "Once this is inside of me, you're going to be really glad that I sat on the aisle."
"Here, Allie," Gladio said, from the third seat, patting the fourth. "Why don't you sit next to me? I'm good company. I can hold you if it gets too scary."
Before she could respond, Ignis intervened. He grabbed her shoulders and guided her to fifth seat instead. "I think not. The lady most likely prefers sitting next to the empty inside seat, as the rest of you were so unkind as to take the best seats for yourselves. Chivalry is indeed lost."
"Igs, I don't mind being in the middle, really."
"No," He quickly answered, lowering her to a sitting position. "I insist." He caught Gladio toss her a wink. With an irritated huff, he sat between them.
Prompto leaned over Noctis towards Ignis. "Did she just call you 'Igs'?" He drawled out in a teasing fashion.
"Yes, but you never will." He pulled at his cufflinks coolly.
The blonde sat back nervously. "Right. Got it."
By then, the movie was beginning. From his peripheral vision, he could see her yawn and then shiver, squirming back further into her seat as if she were willing it to close over her shoulders.
Should he offer her his jacket? To his left, he could see Noct and Gladio whispering, tossing him looks of expectation. No, perhaps he shouldn't. Best not to draw wandering eyes any further.
That decision only held for about twenty minutes—twenty minutes of agony. He missed the whole introduction of the movie with the intense mental debate as to what action to take. But when she crossed her arms and legs and hunched her back a bit, that was it. Let them talk. He wasn't going to let a lady or a friend suffer the cold.
At first, of course, there was the wide-eyed surprise, the polite refusal. He finally just set it in her lap and focused on the screen, as if any more talk would draw his attention away from the movie he in truth had no interest in and was getting nothing out of.
She wrapped herself up in his jacket, accidentally hitting him in the arm as she did so. She shot him a whispered apology and then rested against the back of the chair. He settled in, content that the discomfiture of the whole evening was most likely over.
[Back to Entry]
Alas, it wasn't over. After a week of her normal duties, several days of working nights for my uncle, and caring for her injured brother, I suppose she was entirely spent. I thought she might have a headache at first, because she cupped her forehead in her hand and leaned upon the arm of the chair. It gave me something afresh to concern myself with as I saw her head sink lower and lower. I thought it to be from pain. However, as I decided to leave and find suitable medication for her, her head finally found a target on my right shoulder. If it hadn't been for my arm, she'd have landed with her face against my chest.
I confess I didn't know what to do. I sat very still and waited for her to wake up. I would have woken her up myself, but I felt pity for her. Not only was she entirely too fatigued, but she would be embarrassed of having fallen asleep on my arm. So there was little else to do but stay still and wait. Her hand eventually relaxed away from her face, and landed against my chest, adding to my discomfort.
I thought perhaps my heartbeat could be heard over the theatre speakers. I thought surely the pulse in my veins would be so strong as to wake her. I know I find her attractive, but this emotion was something I was not expecting—despite my nervousness, I felt somewhat elated. I think the room actually swam for a moment. Who would have thought me capable of such frailty? I've never been so overwhelmed as to experience syncopial symptoms. What drew even more surprise was to notice a smile—a damned foolish smile on my face.
And of course, Gladio and Noct noticed halfway through the movie. They dared not say a word to me, and if they know what's best for them, they never will.
Unfortunately, there's even more to this tale.
I was only postponing her embarrassment, I'm afraid. Suffice to say, I eventually did have to wake her up. I assured her it was not an inconvenience at all. Furthermore, I did mean what I said, despite the fact that I had lost all feeling in my fingers for over an hour. In fact, I was quite taken by the fact that I could provide the very literal shoulder on which she could lean.
By then, it was getting late into the evening, and dinner arrangements were made for a seafood restaurant down the way—within walking distance. The other three ran ahead. I hung back with my assistant. Despite her long repose, she did still seem quite fatigued. I've never seen her drag her feet before this evening, and she kept yawning so much I almost feared an inevitable jaw dislocation. It carried on that way through dinner—she barely even picked at her meal. Oh, she tried to put on a good show, of course. But the weak excuses meant nothing to me; I know her far too well. In fact, at this point, I began to wonder if she actually slept during the movie or if she had fainted.
I didn't participate with the others in teasing her about the imprint of my sleeve seam on her face. I knew she was mortified by falling asleep. Indeed, even His Royal Highness received a few of my choice glares at his poking fun at her. It was, after all, his fault for dragging her out in such a state.
She played along to the best of her ability and took the mocking with a humble disposition. She was, nevertheless, not herself. I cannot describe the acute agony of desiring to take her back so she could rest, and knowing I would be unable to do so for as long as my presence was required by my Prince. Why was I more concerned for her than he? Quite frankly, Noctis was a ball of energy this particular evening, and he had a warrior of astounding talent sitting just beside him. He was chatty and jovial, whereas Leya's ponytail nearly garnished her potatoes.
At last, the time came to leave. This is where a miraculous change occurred. As we were exiting, I offered her my jacket once more. But when she went to take it, she glanced past me. Her eyes went round and she turned pale, staring, transfixed, at someone or something beyond me.
I turned to investigate, but she snatched my jacket, threw it about herself, and dashed across the driveway to stand alongside Gladio.
This obviously wounded my pride. She was undoubtedly frightened, but who does she run to for protection? Indeed. She left me stranded alone on the opposite side of the drive while she huddled in Gladio's shadow.
I managed to swallow my pride and inquire. After some coaxing, she informed me she had just seen a man of similar stature, coloring, and attire as she had for several evenings over the last few weeks. She informed us she had seen him in the evenings, on her walks home, and sometimes she had seen him when she was out and about. She never caught a glimpse of his face—he kept it well-hidden. However, she had been carrying an electric device for protection. She had found it hard to sleep, which is why she had kept herself so busy. She also offered to help my uncle with the overnight shift so as to have a good excuse not to travel home alone in the dark.
This terrifies me. I couldn't possibly put it into any better context.
In all his bravado, Gladio offered to go looking for him, as did Prompto. However, Noct read my anxious expression and declared I should take her home for the evening.
It's late now, well near dawn. I shall have to conclude the story on a later entry, lest I risk having no wit at all for the tasks that lay before me today.
Honestly, however, after all that's occurred and all I now know, I think I shall find it quite impossible to sleep—at least for the near future.