Chapter 16
Half an hour has him mounted and disappearing out of sight, and Elizabeth returns to the house alone. Once there, she looks for the housekeeper, who is very pleased to show her around the chambers that are relics of the Darcys who lived here before.
They start out with the room that used to be Fitzwilliam's grandmother's, his father's mother. The mirror in their bedroom used to be hers, and the whole room is as tasteful as that huge piece of furniture. Not only the furniture looks as new, and the walls have probably been re-painted, but Elizabeth is amazed at how well the fabrics have been preserved, the curtains are still a beautiful pink with silver, the bedspread looks as good as new, and there are masses of pillows strewn across the bed that look just as if the room is still in use. Frankly, it is more like a girl's room than an elderly lady's.
'It is all so beautifully preserved,' Elizabeth says, 'it doesn't look old or worn at all.'
Mrs Reynolds is pleased with the compliment, and she observes: 'It is as if fabrics lasted longer in those days, in that wardrobe over there there are some dresses that look as new. Old-fashioned of course, but not worn at all, let me show you.'
Walking to the wardrobe and opening it, she takes out a very formal ball-gown that does indeed look as if it could still be worn, though it is a lot stiffer and lower-waisted than the current fashion. Two other dresses are as strangely designed to Elizabeth's eyes, and Mrs Reynolds says: 'These are riding-dresses from her time, Mr Darcy's grandmother was a very active lady. She loved to ride, even hunted with the men. Look how little worn these are, they just don't make fabric like that anymore.'
They are indeed very well-preserved, like the pillows and the curtains, and beautiful, though strange-looking in the eyes of a twenty year old.
'Is there a portrait of this lady in the house?' Elizabeth asks, and Mrs Reynolds tells her there is one on the gallery, with 'old' Mrs Darcy on a horse actually. 'We'll take a look at it later,' she promises.
They put the dresses back and close the door of the wardrobe, then move on to the next room, a room with Fitzwilliam's late mother's possessions. It is not her original room, that is used by Georgiana now, but a lot of her belongings are displayed here. To prove where Georgiana inherited her musical talent, there are instruments, a large harp and a smaller harp, several flutes and guitars, and since it's a bedroom of course there is a bed, and again, beautiful pillows, but in muted, darker colours.
'Though this lady was Fitzwilliam's mother, maybe knew Fitzwilliam's grandmother as an elderly lady, still his grandmother's possessions look like those of a younger woman, while her daughter-in-law's look like those of an elderly lady,' Elizabeth observes.
Mrs Reynolds replies: 'That is true, Mr Darcy's late mother seemed a bit older than her age. She was not very strong, and especially after she had Georgiana her health deteriorated. The poor mistress never was strong enough to ride or even walk much, she was mostly indoors or in her favourite garden, I think Mr Darcy will show it to you yet, though of course it will not really bloom until next summer.
You are more like the elder lady, she was less tall and less noble of birth, but very strong and healthy. She was small and light like you, and very active, though you seem to prefer walking over riding.'
Elizabeth affirms this, and asks: 'What was she like, Fitzwilliam's mother? Was she sweet, was she often sad?'
'She was very beautiful, there is a portrait of her as well, also in the gallery, and she was tall, but thin. Her sister, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, is just as tall but physically strong and a good deal broader. She was the beauty of her days, and she made an even better match than Lady Anne, Mr Darcy's mother was called Anne. Her sister still lives, she named her daughter after her beloved sister, they were very close. Lady Anne was a very good match for the late Mr Darcy, she was from a very good family, but not generally very strong, fortunately the master and Miss Darcy have their father's vigour. They are both as tall as their mother, Miss Darcy looks a good deal like her.
Lady Anne Darcy was very sweet when the master was a younger child, but of course boys go to school and generally lose touch with their mothers, though he did spend all his holidays here and was a great help to his mother when she was very big with Georgiana. When he came back from college he became very close to his father, and he learned how to manage the estate really well. His poor mother didn't live to see that, she died when he was still in college. I think Mr Darcy looks much like her in his features and his height, though he has his father's vigorous strength and proud bearing.'
They view several more rooms with antique and even quaint furniture, silverware and bronze and marble statues, then move to the gallery to look at the portraits. Mrs Reynolds is right, Fitzwilliam's grandmother looks a lot stronger and younger than his mother, sitting on a horse proud and straight she looks like a true Darcy, her bearing reminds Elizabeth of Fitzwilliam. The strange dress looks very becoming as it should be seen, with a woman wearing it and on a horse.
Of course both Fitzwilliam's mother and his grandmother married into the family, but somehow his mother seems the odd one out, a tall, languishing pale beauty among sturdy, hale people. Studying her portrait Elizabeth thinks she can see a resemblance to Lady Anne de Bourgh, they have the same finely chiselled features and pale complexion, though this young lady looks a bit more alive, less sallow, than Lady Catherine's daughter, and also a good deal more interested in the world around her.
It is difficult to imagine her holding Fitzwilliam as a baby, but then it is pretty difficult to imagine Fitzwilliam as a baby and a child at all, he is so much a man to Elizabeth. Still, both Georgiana and Fitzwilliam must have plenty of their father's looks, for to Elizabeth the portrait of their mother does not put either of them in her mind, they're both so active and healthy.
When they have seen everything interesting, Elizabeth thanks Mrs Reynolds profusely for the entertaining tour, then retreats to their bedroom and picks up the lewd book. It is bound in a very expensive and nondescript leather cover, which suggests to Elizabeth that it was especially made for a rich person, despite its vulgar contents.
The language is atrocious, and not very sympathetic to her own gender. Like so many men, the writer of these stories sees women as property to be used, and Elizabeth finds that much more offensive than the precise descriptions of the intimate deeds the people in them commit.
Having read one story in its entirety, Elizabeth gains a whole new respect for her beloved: to have distilled from these pages how to please a virgin, without having any previous experience of his own, is quite a feat. Apparently he would have been very likely to lose control and either be too rough, causing her pain, or too excited, reaching his high before really having started. Of course Fitzwilliam has great control over his urges, but still Elizabeth is very proud of him.
After one story she has had enough, it not very entertaining to read how women are used by men who have all the power, and she decides to go out for an hour or so, being married does not mean she cannot enjoy walking out by herself anymore.
She decides to climb the hill behind the house, hoping she will see Fitzwilliam come back from there. Also, the view must be fabulous. Since she is new in this house and they don't know her habits yet, she rings for the butler to let him know she will be out walking, and the general direction in which she is going. Then she steps out.
There is a little rain, but she has a good coat and it doesn't bother her much. The climb is enjoyable, and she relishes the exercise and the view, it is indeed very beautiful. Imagine actually living here, who would have thought it?
In excellent spirits she reaches the top and looks back down on the house. After three days she has an idea which part is where already despite its sheer size, it seems so absurd to have just one family living there. It should be possible to see a rider coming from any direction, she can see a long way, but if she sits down to wait she will get cold as well as wet.
Therefore she decides to follow the ridge towards the park she knows, and walk back from there. From her habit of taking solitary rambles Elizabeth has developed a perfect sense of direction, and she descends the hill towards the path that runs along the river, moving away from the house for a tiny stretch towards the bridge at the turning point of the circuit, for she wants to cross it to walk on the opposite side of the river, having seen a few paths there she wants to explore.
Once over the bridge the path is leading her back towards the house, and soon she strikes one of the side-paths, and follows it uphill. It is a narrow path which winds between the trees, more a track than a path actually. Though narrow, it is not short, and since it runs at a straight angle to the river, it has quite a steep incline. But of course Elizabeth is not afraid of a little climbing, and she quickly reaches the top of the ridge on this side of the river.
There are trees all about her, and the path still continues, but down of course. Elizabeth cannot help but follow it, though it is still going away from the house.
After another ten minute walk through the woods, the trees start to thin out a lot, until the path leaves the forest and a large grassland spreads out before Elizabeth. It is beautiful, even going on winter, in summer it must be stunning.
But her rambling has taken a lot of time, and the sun is close to setting. It is time to go home, and quickly, for she has been away quite a long time and Fitzwilliam may be worried. Turning back, she has at least half an hour to walk before she reaches the river, but she is still elated with having this huge park to explore, and she is not afraid of getting caught in the dark, she already knows the way home well enough and it's smooth enough to be safe even at night.
Back into the forest it is darker already, and over the hill, down the slope to the river she walks. Soon it gets positively murky under the trees, but Elizabeth is not afraid at all, she relishes the wildness of the wood and the quiet around her. Walking on steadily, she soon thinks she is halfway to the house, and still it isn't totally dark. She does feel a bit anxious about her long absence, the people here are not used to her habits and they may disapprove of her staying out so late. Of course she still has to learn to judge the distances, everything is so much farther away on an estate.
Nearly there, she can hear an owl screech, and though she is not scared, the harsh sound in the silent, rapidly darkening forest does startle her. But she is a brave young woman and continues her walk as fast as she dares in the dark. Until she hears footsteps behind her.
That could be Fitzwilliam looking for her, but it could also be a poacher, or something else entirely. In a strange wood in the dark it is much easier to imagine things. A bit spooked now, Elizabeth decides to move off the path and see who it is before he can distinguish her. It is pretty easy to step behind a bush, and she carefully checks her breathing to not give her presence away.
The footsteps approach rapidly, but very quietly, does Fitzwilliam have such a light tread? She really doesn't know, but if this were a poacher that is how he would walk, silent like a cat.
She can hear breathing now, not heavy, but controlled, like her own. Then the shape passes her bush, still noiseless but rather fast, in the ever fading light she can discern broad shoulders, narrow waist, considerable height. And very proud bearing, a poacher wouldn't have that, this must be Fitzwilliam. But by now he is quite a bit ahead of her, and she suddenly feels a wish to have him in her arms.
Quickly moving back to the path, she steps on a dry branch, snapping it with a distinct popping sound. The shape in front of her calls out in startlement, and turns around instantly, coming towards her. He is very dark, and very large, a bit menacing actually.
Elizabeth has to restrain herself not to hide behind the bush once more, but she still has a clear head on her, it is not that late in the evening, and this is private property, it must be Fitzwilliam approaching her. She feels a stab of sudden anxiety, what if he is angry with her, what if he yells at her?
A quiet, eager voice belies her fear: 'There you are, my love! I walked right past you, how could that be? I was starting to feel a tiny bit anxious.'
He wraps her in his arms, and she clutches herself to him even firmer, and rests her head on his broad chest. He smells of horse, of course.
'All right, I lied. I was starting to feel very anxious, not because I think you cannot take care of yourself, but because I missed you so much.'
She feels impelled to defend herself: 'I misjudged the time of day, and the distances out here, I'm sorry to have caused you worry. Are you angry with me?' Elizabeth asks despite his warm reception of her.
'Angry?' he exclaims, tightening his hold on her, 'who gets angry at a cat for purring or reproaches a sparrow for flying? Rambling is your nature, you can't not do it. No, I'm not angry, merely very happy to have you in my arms again. Shall we go home? Dinner will be ready.'
But before they go anywhere, they kiss deeply, reunited once again.
'You know you really startled me with that noise. I jumped two feet in the air with fright. Were you hiding on purpose?'
'I heard footsteps behind me and though I knew it was probably you I decided to hide, you walked so silently I thought you might be a poacher. When you passed by and I saw your size and especially the way you carried yourself, so proudly, I thought it had to be you. I followed you from behind the bush, but I stepped on a branch.'
It is so good to have his large hand in hers, to walk side by side through the dark forest.
'Believe me, I didn't feel proud. An owl startled me, and you were nowhere in sight, though I knew you'd find your way home I was starting to doubt I would.
I'm glad to know a poacher would not even have seen you, though you wouldn't have been in danger from one of them since you're not a deer or a hare. We have poachers here sometimes, but usually they're not dangerous to people, they are very alert and if they spot someone they merely disappear and try some other time.'
He stops and embraces her again, kissing her hair, and her face, and her hands, and then walks on. This time they make it to the house without further stops for caresses, and once inside he asks: 'Do you want to freshen up first? It's not that late yet, it gets dark early.'
Elizabeth nods, and replies: 'Please, if you'll come with me. I want you close the rest of the evening.'
A breathtaking smile is his confirmation.
As they enter the bedroom, Fitzwilliam seems to be anticipating something, something pleasant, and he leads her to the bed, where a long skirt of a simple design and quite a sturdy fabric lies waiting.
'Peter lent me this, he said his missus didn't need it for some time and told him to have you try it. If it fits and you like it, she can make a similar one for you of any fabric and in any colour you choose. Will you please try it?' Now Elizabeth gets an idea of the boy he must have been years ago, very eager, and so sweet.
'Of course I'll try it on,' Elizabeth replies, 'but what is it?' She picks it up and immediately understands. They are trousers made to look like a skirt. Fitzwilliam really wants her to ride with him, and he thinks this is the solution. Well, she did tell him she'd straddle a horse if he dared let her, and she will. Gladly. This park is too large to explore walking, and too rough to use a carriage. She really needs to ride to see all of it.
Feeling not the slightest shame or reluctance to undress in front of him, Elizabeth takes off her dress and puts on the garment. Of course it has no top, so she helps herself to one of Fitzwilliam's laced shirts, rolling up the sleeves and tucking the length in her waistband. The huge mirror shows her a young woman in a long skirt and an oversized blouse, until she takes a few steps, then she can see the skirt split, but it actually looks rather nice and flowing, and very feminine.
'Are you being overcome with heat?' she asks her husband dryly.
'I'm not anymore, not since you dressed again,' is his pleased reply, 'but I am nearly overcome with anticipation and anxiety: will you allow me to teach you to ride in this garment? Will you brave ridicule and outrage to make my dearest wish but one come true? You've already fulfilled my biggest wish, so I'll understand if you refuse.'
'I will, and gladly.' Elizabeth truly wants to do this, for herself as well, but he has to make the decision, it's his reputation on the line.
She takes off the shirt and puts it back in the wardrobe neatly, then says: 'I'll need a blouse, I can make do with one of your shirts for a few days, but I prefer to wear a more feminine top. Several ones, for they'll smell of horse quickly, and I have a feeling you will want to ride often.'
Then she takes off the skirt, or pants, and puts them away as well, now undressed except for her underwear. Instead of getting her dress, she walks to the washstand and washes her face and hands, dries them, then takes her eager beloved in her arms, still mostly undressed. Dinner will have to wait, they are going to be busy for half an hour.
The next day Darcy finds it hard to even take time for breakfast, he really is as excited as a boy, Elizabeth must think he's totally out of his mind. He so loves to ride, but going out by himself isn't as fulfilling as it used to be, he really misses Elizabeth, wants so much to show her around, and share the exhilaration of the ride with her. Then when he came back from his ride yesterday, Peter handed him the garment his wife had urged him to show the master, and Darcy barely took the time to thank her for him, eager to have Elizabeth try it on.
When he returned to the house the butler told him straight away that the mistress had gone for a solitary walk, he seemed a bit worried actually until Darcy told him that going on solitary rambles was a habit of Mrs Darcy, was to be expected of her in even the worst weather, and nothing to worry about. And he didn't worry himself, not even when he had been waiting for her return for nearly an hour and it started to get dark.
He didn't worry, he realised she probably misjudged the distances on his estate, but he did miss her terribly. So he finally went out to find her, following the circuit in the hopes she'd be there, actually fearing to get lost himself if he stepped off the path, his sense of direction not as keen on foot and in the dark.
Then when he found her, Darcy realised Elizabeth was very pleased to see him, and eager to embrace him and kiss him, but she hadn't missed him until she saw him again. She was perfectly content to ramble on her own, she is indeed a very independent spirit.
Reminiscing will not get her on the back of a horse, though, so Darcy forces himself to eat his usual, and he can see Elizabeth doing the same, a bit nervous as well. That may be the idea of having to trust her life to a strong creature with a will of its own in half an hour, or it may be wearing trousers. For she insisted on putting them on straight away, to get used to the feel of the rough fabric between her legs.
In fact, Elizabeth fears Mrs Reynolds' looks, and when they meet the housekeeper in the hall, just before they go to the stables, she does look a bit strangely at the master's wife. But she doesn't say a thing except to wish them a good morning very politely, and each continues his way.
Peter is as excited as his master, a bunch of kids with a new toy, except the toy is herself! The coach-master, Mr Jean Hugo, a Frenchman actually, is there, too, to discuss their choice of horse, and all three agree that Daisy should be the one, she is the most stable horse the master has, and the easiest to guide.
Without judgement Mr Hugo observes, in accentless English, Elizabeth notices: 'And Peter remembered right, Daisy was trained to carry a sidesaddle before you bought her, Mr Darcy. Though of course that is more than three years ago.'
Elizabeth is now anticipating riding astride, so she's very glad there is no ladies' saddle in the stables, she really wants to try how it feels to have true control over a horse.
They take Daisy to a sandy paddock, Fitzwilliam asks Peter to stay with them this first time, which makes Elizabeth feel even safer. Peter seems to have a special way with horses, and he clearly loves going along, taking a long rope with him, as well as a long whip.
'Daisy may try to be lazy with a new and inexperienced rider, but don't worry Mrs Darcy, I know how to handle the whip, I won't cause her to bolt or hit you by accident.'
And then the moment has arrived, Peter holds Daisy's head, though Elizabeth can see the good-natured creature doesn't really need that, she's patient enough, while Fitzwilliam adjusts the stirrups to Elizabeth's legs, and gives her a boost up. Then she sits high on a solid saddle, but with the warm, strong body beneath her moving slightly to adjust to her weight.
From the very first, Elizabeth feels much safer sitting astride, her balance is much more natural, both feet have support from the stirrups, she can squeeze her legs to hold on to the horse. That causes Daisy's ears to perk up, and Peter asks: 'Did you squeeze your legs, Mrs Darcy, begging your pardon for the frankness of the question?'
Elizabeth laughs and replies: 'No offence taken, Peter, I'm sure you have my safety in mind with your question. I did, I felt safe holding on to the horse that way. Please speak freely.'
A broad smile spreads over Peter's face, and he explains: 'Daisy is very sensitive, and she has been trained to listen to very subtle commands. She is supposed to start moving when the rider squeezes his legs. I could see her ears move in expectation of instruction what to do next. Better let your legs rest in the stirrups and try to keep your balance instead of holding on to her with your legs. That will confuse her.'
The next half hour is very tiring for Elizabeth, but very rewarding as well. It is clear from the start that Peter is a very good instructor, after he has gotten over his first hesitation to tell a lady how to adjust her seat and to name the separate parts of her leg that she has to move to control the horse, he tells her how to set Daisy in motion and let her make turns with nothing but her seat and legs.
When they are having a short pause from instruction and Elizabeth is merely riding circles in a nice stride, Fitzwilliam comes towards her and falls in stride with her horse.
He is so happy, her beloved, walking along with her on a horse, seeing her perfectly at ease on this strong but very well-behaved mare. She says: 'It is such a difference, sitting astride. I'm not afraid at all, I'm looking forward to going out with you.'
'Who would have thought Peter is such a good instructor,' Fitzwilliam says with great respect, 'I think you'll need a few more lessons right here, until you've felt all the gaits, but Daisy does seem very tractable, not the kind to throw you or run back home. You don't mind someone else giving you instruction, do you? He's very good at it, he is teaching you things I didn't know, though I've been on a horse since I was four years old.'
'I certainly don't mind,' Elizabeth replies, 'he has a way of explaining things that I understand immediately. And he is very cute when he has to mention a part of a woman he isn't supposed to know a lady of standing even has.'
And Peter may be modest to the point of humility, he is a true instructor, after five minutes he says: 'With your permission, Mr Darcy, I'd like to continue Mrs Darcy's lesson. She's progressing exceedingly well, knowing Daisy's nature very well I think your lady wife may be up to going out with you in a few days.'
'Of course I will retreat, Peter, I'm back to observing your lesson straight away. Do you mind if I join you tomorrow? I'm very impressed by your knowledge, I think I can improve my riding with your help. Where did you get such instruction yourself?'
That has Peter stunned for a few moments, his cheeks blush hotly and he studies his shoes with great concentration. When he has regained a semblance of composure he stammers: 'Mr Darcy, sir, thank you for your kind compliments. I'm just a stable boy, I don't deserve such praise. Of course you're welcome to join Mrs Darcy, but do you truly think to learn something? You're a superb rider!'
Fitzwilliam is clearly affected by his servant's shyness, and trying not to make it worse he gently replies: 'I think you underestimate yourself, Peter, Elizabeth had never ridden a horse astride, and look at her sitting on Daisy as if she has never done differently. I know I can stay on nearly every horse I want to, and I can get it to do what I want, but I want to learn your subtlety, go with the horse instead of forcing it. Please tell me where you learned that, I know you're not originally from a farm.'
That works, for Peter now stands firmer and says: 'It's my missus, sir, she sometimes teaches me on her father's horses. He breeds hunters for the gentry, and she gentles them for him. She said to me: 'Peter, if you're going to ride Mr Darcy's horses every day, you will not ruin them with a heavy hand and a bulky seat. Let me teach you to ride properly.' And she did.'
'Please give your missus my regards,' Fitzwilliam says, 'or, you know what? We'll do it ourselves, will you ask her to make a few of those trousers for Elizabeth, and we'll come visit this week. Does she have time to make them herself, or will she be able to get help from your family or village?'
Proud of his missus, Peter chooses to ignore the implications of having the master honour his wife with a visit, and replies: 'She will be glad to have something to do, she's very active and not being able to ride from being large with child, and with me being here most of the time, she has been a bit unhappy. She'll be honoured to have you visit, sir, and ma'am.'
That must touch a nerve in Fitzwilliam, he saw his mother unhappy being left alone during her pregnancy, and though Peter only stated his long absence as a fact and a reason for his missus to be pleased to sew for his mistress, Fitzwilliam will not forget it and do something about it. Elizabeth can see it in his expression. They have gotten to know one another quite well.
'Please continue, Peter, we'll discuss the details later,' Fitzwilliam now says, and he steps back to let the lesson proceed.
And after another half hour of instruction Elizabeth has trotted with Daisy on the long line, a jarring movement that forces her out of the saddle and back in with a bump, unless she moves along with the horse to let the force of its movement be absorbed by her muscles. Very tiring, and undoubtedly very painful tomorrow, but also very satisfying.
They unsaddle Daisy together, such a sweet natured horse, Elizabeth already loves her. 'You didn't need the whip at all, Peter,' she observes, a bit surprised.
'You are right, Mrs Darcy, you already have a way of making Daisy understand what you want, so Daisy didn't get the opportunity to be lazy. You are a quick student.'
They part with Peter after Daisy has been cared for properly, and return to the house with a feeling of satisfaction. Fitzwilliam says: 'I didn't find that titillating at all, nor indecent. And you enjoyed it, didn't you?'
'I did,' she replies, 'very much so. Though I'll probably be sorry in the morning. You'll have to lift me in a hot bath to loosen my muscles.'
That idea doesn't put him out at all, and they exchange a very passionate kiss right there in front of the house.