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A blessing in disguise

Chapter 2- Without you

Tobias P.O.V

It's been four years since I left Marcus. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about Beatrice. I wonder if she is happy, if she moved on, if she has forgotten about me. I tried calling her a couple times the first few weeks I left. I would find a phone booth, pick up the phone, and dial her number... but by the first ring, I would chicken out and hang up before she or anyone else picked up. The last time I tried, the line was disconnected. I took that as a sign, a sign that it was time to try and move on. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her. That I don't miss her hands in mine, or when her arms were around me, or her smile when she laughed because I told a stupid joke, but mostly I miss the taste of her luscious lips.

One thing I learned about running away from home, you can't be you anymore. Tobias Eaton died the day he left San Francisco... At first when people would ask me my name, I would tell them I was no one. It was the truth. Without Beatrice I was no one, no one important enough to know anyway.

In the beginning I never spent more than four days in one place. I was paranoid about being recognized, or that someone would find me. I kept my head down, minding my own business, and kept the belongings I had left close to me at all times. Sleeping on the streets became the norm for me. At first it was scary, and uncomfortable. But then I realized that it was nothing close to what I experienced with Marcus.

One stormy night, six months after I left, I found an abandoned warehouse. I thought I would have someplace safe and dry to sleep for the night, boy was I wrong. I walked in to the wrong place and at the wrong time. Three guys tried to jump me for my things. Although I didn't care about the clothes in my bag, they could have them. I did care however about the photos the bag held and the last bit of money I had left. I don't know if someone from up above was watching out for me, or good old fashion dumb luck... but out of nowhere a man stepped up and started to fighting along side me. Within a matter of minutes, all three boys were on the floor grunting in pain.

"I could have handled it." I said. Of course, I was being stubborn, not wanting my pride to be hurt more than it already was.

"Your welcome." He said, frowning. "If you want, you can stick with me kid. I can't offer much, but I have a group that can provide you protection.. a family." He said when he stood up straight.

"Why should I follow you?" I asked cautiously.

"Do you have anyone else?" He asked. He knew the answer to that. "Didn't think so. I'm Amar." He said, holding out his hand for me to shake. "I won't bite, I promise." He said, when he noticed my cautiousness. I reached out and shook his hand. That night he took me to another abandoned building, introducing me to his group of friends. I was surprised, other than him and another man, who I found out later was his boyfriend... the rest of the group were people my age. They were just kids... runaways. At first I didn't know what to think. But soon I realized, they were just two men wanting to give us kids some guidance. Kids that could be easily influenced by the wrong people, because they lived on the streets. We never stayed in one place too long. We would move every few days, eventually we would move throughout a city, and than once we have fully explored it we would move on to the next city. Amar and George were smart, they taught us how to be proud but not enough to not accept handouts. They taught us were to get cleaned up, how to find clean clothes, and other much needed items. When the weather wasn't safe, they taught us where the best places would be to go and seek shelter.

I quickly connected with a few from the group. Zeke and Uriah were brothers that decided to flee foster care after one month of being placed in an unsafe home. Their parents died in a car accident just a little under a year ago. Zeke, just a few months shy of turning 18 was told that he wouldn't be eligible to foster his own brother. Which meant, they would be separated until Uriah reached legal age himself. Zeke wasn't going to have that. The family that took them in wasn't safe, for either of them. He wasn't going to just leave his brother behind. Like me, they each packed up a bag, and grabbed whatever was of value that they could think of, like money or jewelry while their foster parents were asleep, and then they left without looking back. Just like I did, they roamed a lot of their own, but eventually they met Amar and decided to join him.

Lauren on the other hand, didn't have much of a choice, her parents were fed up with her attitude and kicked her out. They packed her bag for her with minimum items and only gave her fifty dollars. They told her to leave, but they also said if and when she wanted to change, she could always come back. Her pride is what is keeping her here.

Zeke often teased me about Lauren, making comments about how I should tap that. But in all honesty, Lauren was never my type, no girl has been. There has only been one girl for me... Beatrice. One night in a game of Dauntless and Candor, Zeke dared one of the girls, Michelle to kiss me. She happily agreed, getting up from her place on the floor, she then slowly made her way towards me. She nervously kneeled down next to me, as she leaned in and brushed her lips against mine. It was nothing really, just an innocent kiss. At least that's what it was meant to be, but the guilt I carried with me after that, haunted me for a really long time. Somehow I felt like I betrayed the only girl I will ever love... I know I was being stupid, because odds are more than likely, Beatrice has moved on. I think a small part of me wants her to, because she deserves to be loved and happy. But the other part of me, the selfish part, wants her to hold on to the thought of me, to the thought of us. But I know I have no right to hold on to such things. After all, I was the one that left her.

My name became Four because of a silly joke. Amar started to call me that, because everything I did ended in four's. I'd take four minutes to shower, four was the amount of miles I ran every morning, and four days was the longest I would allow us to stay in one city. Although to many, the name is silly, a number that shouldn't be a name. But to me it was everything I needed and wanted, it was the beginning of the new me. I was no longer a no one. When I was asked for my name, I was Four just like the number, and I carried it with pride. A name that was given to me by a stranger that was more like my father, then the man that shared blood with me.

We lost Amar a little more than a year ago. He was stabbed in the stomach in one of the cities right outside of New York. He jumped in trying to stop a few guys from raping a girl in the park. One of them pulled a knife out on him. He fought long enough for the girl to get away. George found him just as he was dying. His last wish was for George to keep all of us safe.

Winter hit a few months later, some of us got sick and recovered... Some were not that lucky. George was one of them, along with Michelle, and Jared. With no identities, we had no form of insurance and no money for doctors. They died of what I suppose were breathing complications, right out there on the streets, as if they were animals. Many crossed their paths, and kept their distance, like all they saw were wild animals. They didn't see a sick person that needed help, instead they saw someone sick and homeless that was deceased. When they died, all we could do was call the police and allow them to come deal with the body. From what we were told and the little information we could give, they said that if they could locate any living relatives, they would. Otherwise they were ID as a Jane or John Doe.

After the loss, there were some that turned to the bad influences that Amar and George tried to keep us from. It seemed easier for them to perform terrible acts, than to die on the streets. Lauren on the other hand, got terrified of it all and finally called home. After that, it was just Zeke, Uriah and myself. We had nowhere to go, but we also didn't want to disappoint Amar and George by turning to the wrong people. So we did the only thing we could, we survived. We lived day by day, and sometimes minute by minute, but through it all, we stuck together, it was the only thing we had left, each other.

We've just arrived in Chicago, a few days before Thanksgiving. We came across a sign that advertised free tattoos. It turns out the owner of the shop was hiring new artists and wanted to try out their handy work. Zeke got a snake around his entire right arm, while Uriah decided on a tree of life, with his parents names written in the leaves. I on the other hand, gave them my back to work on like an empty canvas. All I asked of the woman that went by the name Tori, was to cover the scars that marked me from my past. When she saw the scars on my back, she agreed. She explained that her idea would multiple sessions... but no matter what there would be no cost. I thanked her, laid on my back as still as possible as she worked. Although, it wasn't that hard, most of my back is numb, anyway, from all the nerve damage it suffered from the whipping of Marcus' belt.

The first session, Tori explained that she took some ancient symbols that represented characteristics. She started at the top of my spine with flames that represented bravery. She then moved down making the symbol just slightly smaller than the first with two hands linked together, representing selfless. The next was a scale, half the circle was colored in black, representing honesty. The second to last symbol was an eye, for knowledge, and the last symbol was a big orchard tree that represented kindness. The tattoo stung, but nowhere like it should of. She gave me an ointment to help with the pain, and to prevent infections. I went back for another two sessions, so she cover the rest of my back and sides with flames. She then colored them in with black ink, the next and final time I saw her. I didn't know how to thank her, I felt like for the first time in my life I had control over the marks on my body. What was once a place of ugliness and hate, was now a beautiful work of art.

Uriah and Zeke made themselves scarce, while I was being inked. They explored the city looking for somewhere to sleep and places where we might be able to get food. The weather man says the next week will be near freezing temperature, no conditions for us to sleep outside in. From the way that Zeke and Uriah's faces beamed, it's like that they didn't come back empty handed.

"Four man, you wouldn't believe this... so Zeke and I ran into these girls, in what the city calls the factionless section. Basically it's the part of the city for homeless people... Any who, we were chatting up with these girls when this little blonde chick approached us. Turns out she works for a shelter, they not only provide room and board, but also food and they try to help people get off the streets." Uriah says. He looks so excited by all of this. He hands me a card for the shelter with the name, "A place for Hope."

"Hey man, this might be our way out of this shit. We all are of age now..." Zeke says. I watch him bend over resting his elbows on his knees, letting me know he is serious. "Maybe it's time to face the music , Four." A part of me knows he is right. We can't live like this forever. We have to find a way off the streets and begin living again. I nod my head, agreeing that we will check this place out. But we make a pact, whatever choice is made... we make it together.

Beatrice P.O.V

One of the hardest things I have ever had to endure was giving up Tobias Eaton. The feelings of being torn between wanting to keep him and wanting him to be safe... there was really only one answer. I knew he deserved better than all the emotional and physical pain that he had to endure at such a young age. I loved, love him more than anything. I would gladly endure any pain and suffering, if it meant sparing him from any of it.

The days following "Tobias' disappearance," I was a mess with each day that passed, and I felt myself falling deeper and deeper into depression. The what if's filled my nightmares. I knew losing Tobias was going to be hard, all I ever knew was him. He was my everything.

At first I was questioned by Marcus and my parents. My parents knew better than to believe the lies I told Marcus. Tobias hid our closeness very well from him. He filled Marcus' head with lies that he hated me. That he couldn't stand the sight of me, but was forced to endure me, because there was no other options. He didn't expect me to know much about Tobias' whereabouts. My mother and father on the other hand, knew that I knew what exactly happened to him. One night when I was upset and weak, I told my mother that Tobias felt he had to runaway, that he wasn't safe, but he was now. The look of acceptance, told me she knew exactly what I was talking about.

My parents were always selfless and extremely giving parents. After Tobias left, my mother often volunteered at any soup kitchen, shelter, or distribution center there was. My father and I often joined her on the weekends. Mom wouldn't admit it, but I often wonder if she was doing it in hopes to finding Tobias one day. I know I wasn't the only one who loved him, that still loves him. Before long my parents got the cities approval and funding to open up an amazing center for those in need in the heart of Chicago.

All the hope I had left, died the day my parents told me we were moving to Chicago. Although I knew the odds of Tobias returning were slim to none, I still jumped every time the phone rang, in hopes that it would be him. But it never was him. When we moved, every hope I had left died.

It was an adjustment moving to Chicago. We moved from a large four bedroom, two story home... to a very small three bedroom apartment. The apartment is located on top of the center. Caleb became resentful and selfish having to downgrade, verses the rest of us made do with what we have.

The center became my second home, and home to many others that we helped. We took in as many people as we possibly. When one bed opened, another filled it's place. We provided food, clothing, a shared room... My mother managed the center, while my father handled anything legal that the person in question may or may not need. My parents also hired others to help with things like counseling, and teaching. My mother wanted to make sure that people that didn't know the language, learned it. Those that didn't earn their diploma, earned their GED. I helped mostly in the kitchen, assisting the cook most of the time. Friends that I gained along the way, like Christina, Will, and Marlene.. would come over on their free time and help out any way they could. They did things like washing dishes, doing laundry, or cooking. Come graduation, my mother was happy to write letters of recommendation for college applications. She also never admitted it, but I often wondered if she hoped just like me that Tobias would come through our doors. My mother ended up naming the center, HOPE.

Christina, Will and Marlene, and I attended The University of Chicago. There I decided to study counseling. I guess at the end of the day, I wanted to help those that suffered from physical and mental abuse like Tobias and his mother did. I may not have been able to help him, but I wanted to be able to help those I could. After college, I saved up for a few months... it took longer than I had hoped but eventually I had enough for a small studio apartment above a Chinese restaurant, just down the street from the center. It might not be much, but it's mine.

Christina became my best friend rather quickly. Something about her being so honest, yet caring. She wasn't afraid to tell you off and would smile while doing it. Her boyfriend Will, is close to being a genius. He was the valedictorian in our class. Will has a heart of gold, and is always there to have a friend's back no matter what. Marlene on the other hand, is your classic girlie girl, she loved being a part of the cheer-leading team and shopping with Christina back in high school. Even though they have all moved on, gotten jobs... they still come by to help out whenever they get the chance.

Of course Christina wouldn't be Christina, without her need for match making. Throughout high school, I did everything I could to avoid the art of dating. It's not that I found anything wrong with it, after all Tobias was gone and odds are I would never see him again. But the realization still didn't kill the hope that one day I might see him again. If I wasn't at school, I spent my time at the center helping out, or I would be out in the factionless sector looking at the teenage kids. I would look at each face carefully and hopefully, but always came up empty handed. I would work at finding replacements for the empty beds that we had. By college, I had no choice but to give in to Christina's will... as she would set me up on blind dates and wouldn't tell me until we reached the restaurant and there would be a guy already waiting for us. Needless to say, those dates left a lot to be desired... with the bad jokes, rude comments, or judgments that were passed for trying to give back to a community. Sure the work felt like it was never ending. But you have to start somewhere, right?

Other than Tobias, I had only kissed one other man in my life. Trust me that didn't go so well. As he walked me to my door, he roughly turned me around, thinking a romantic surprise first kiss was a brilliant idea. He made out with my nose... Yup, tongue and all. I never heard from him again after that. Which was fine by me. I have come to terms that saddley, I am not meant to date. My first and last kiss with Tobias was everything to me, I don't think anyone can ever top him off.

Maybe in life, you are allowed one true and pure love. Maybe, Tobias was mine. After experiencing how that love how can I ever settle for anything else.

"So my parents officially left today to visit Rose for Thanksgiving. Are you sure your parents don't mind having me this year?" Christina asks as we walk down the street of the factionless sector. She agreed to come with me, she hates the thought of me coming down here alone. I on the other hand, have gotten use to it. With the holiday just days away, we have five beds opening up in the morning...

Thankful for those five that finally gave in and allowed me to help them reconnect with their loved ones so they can go home and make a fresh start. You would be surprised, how many kids are homeless because they feel unwelcome or unwanted in their homes. Most of the time it's just a misunderstanding. That's when I am more than happy to step in. I sit down with both parties and try to help them find some kind of middle ground to work with. I provide one on one, group and family counseling to those that will accept it. It is my tribute to the center, one family suffering is one too many.

"Of course, you know my folks... the more the merrier during the holidays. Even if you weren't my best friend. My parents will welcome anyone that doesn't have a place to be." I explain. She returns the smile I give her.

One thing about being a part of the center, holidays are never boring. It's not your normal traditional meal with the family. It's more like the people we take in and make our family. House rules.. you stay with us, you are family. You do your part, whether it is setting up or cooking or cleaning. Of course, we have now learned to make sure what the person knows how to do the task before we let them loose. One year, we all suffered with four burned turkeys. Good thing we had plenty of potatoes and stuffing to go around.

"Just make sure there is plenty of pumpkin pie this time." She chuckles out. The last time she had Thanksgiving dinner with us... she had a few others had a scuffle over the last slice of pumpkin pie. It was very interesting, seeing how it ended up their hair.

"I promise.. we will hide a slice just for you." I promise, just as we step closer to a small group of guys and girls. They look roughly my age... I notice the older one has a nice genuine smile, and kind eyes. I notice he has a snake tattoo wrapped around his arm.

"Hey there..." I greet them stepping up on the same curb they are on. They all turned at their unwelcome guests.

"Hey, there yourself." The younger one says, he wiggles his eyebrows at me and Christina. I feel her tense next to at the unwanted attention that she receives.

"You guys got a place to stay?" I ask, handing them a card. I tell them what the center can help provide them if they are interested. "We are an outreach program, you want off the streets, a home, food... we can help. We have a few beds opening up tomorrow, if you are interested." I continue. I watch as the older one, that introduces himself as Zeke, looking at his younger brother for approval. I continue to watch the unspoken conversation take place between them.

"My name is Uriah." The younger one says, holding his hand out to me to shake. I don't hesitate to extend my hand and shake it.

"Tris." I say. Christina, hated my real name when we met. It was too long and so not me she said, so she shortened it. I agreed it wasn't bad. It wasn't long before everyone went with it too. "This is Christina." I say, giving a little nod in her direction.

"Look um... we are interested. But we also have another buddy with us. Would that be a problem, we kind of prefer to stay together." Zeke expresses his concern.

"That's no problem at all. We can accommodate the three of you. What's your buddy name?" I ask, I need to reserve the beds in their names. I wouldn't want them showing up and their spots are taken.

"Four." He answers.

"Four, like the number?" Christina chuckles out. I elbow her in the ribs, letting her know the comment was rude.

"Just like the number..." He says with a chuckle.

"What 1 through 3 were taken?" She asks. Wow, is she on a roll today?

"Like we haven't heard that before." He says, he smiles at her taking no offense to her comment.

"Okay, then. I'll reserve three beds for you guys... if you haven't come to claim them by noon, they will go to the next person in need though. So don't be late. Oh and we ask no weapons and drugs..." I say. Those two things always the deal breaker. They nod in agreement. We say our goodbyes and part looking for two more candidates.

I don't know what this Thanksgiving holiday will bring, but from the new recruits something tells me.. it's going to be an interesting one.