Chapter 34

The next hour is a long journey, starting in the lush green forests and gardens of England, across the rough seas to the continent, and through fruitful Germany to the beautiful city of Prague. Eric gives short introductions to the different stretches of his journey, and Georgiana recognises the part Eric played for them when Elizabeth first accompanied her, it's one of the best sequences, and indeed very wild.

Even though Eric has adapted this whole piece to the strict rules of traditional composing, it's still shamelessly romantic, evoking different feelings at every leg of his journey.

But after hearing his original piece, the new one, this now seems too polished, Georgiana's eyes have been opened by the real thing. Totally captivated by its heart-rending beauty, she cannot help but wonder how the original would have sounded. Eric told her this is a concerto, which means it should be performed with an orchestra, does he already have the music written for all the other instruments, and will he have any chance at all to ever have it played in full?

Looking at Elizabeth, Georgiana can see she is enraptured, and the other three are as well, even Mr Bennet, who has a reputation for being cranky. Then she stops thinking, and lets herself be taken away on the sounds of the piano, her very own piano.

When the last notes have died away, everyone is silent, there is no applause for it would break the spell.

Then Eric breaks it himself, saying, 'I was hoping you would do me the honour of listening to part of this piece in its original form. This afternoon, I have played it back myself for the first time since I wrote it down, just as I wrote it down, and I would love to hear your opinion.'

'There is nothing I'd like to hear more,' Elizabeth observes.

It's the bit Elizabeth undoubtedly likes best, the wild piece that first caught her attention. Hearing the original, Georgiana knows she was right, and Elizabeth even before her. This is better, it lives, it breathes, no-one has ever told such a story with just a piano. People everywhere will love it, maybe not the self-proclaimed music connoisseurs, they will find it sloppy, but everyone else must feel the force of this.

Eric plays a full ten minutes of his original score, and this time when he stops playing, they do applaud, with all the force five people can deliver.

'That was amazing, Mr Fielding, thank you so much.'

Elizabeth is very much affected.

'I'm still a bit confused, where did you take us?'

Even Mr Bennet felt the power of this composition, 'those Czech mountains again? They sounded a lot more dangerous this time.'

They talk a while, about foreign countries and travels, and then Eric offers to play some lighter entertainment, and when his audience agrees, he looks at Georgiana in supplication.

'Will you play with me, Miss Darcy?'

She should have known, and she really doesn't mind, but her stool is a bit narrow for two, so she lugs a footstool to the piano and sits beside him.

'Do you need the sheet music?'

'We've played this so often, I can do without.'

They play their quatre mains, both very difficult pieces, and the beautiful song. Knowing Eric was in a choir as a boy makes his fabulous voice even more profound somehow, he must have been in agony losing it, then overjoyed to get it back intact, though a lot deeper, of course. And then Eric springs his surprise.

'Now, Mrs Darcy, I have played for you several times, and I know you play lively folk songs and the occasional reel, but I've never heard any of them. Can I tempt you to entertain me, and your guests, with a few songs?'

Elizabeth shows surprise, and a distinct unwillingness, understandable after such entertainment as has been provided so far.

'Please don't be mad at me, Mrs Darcy, I'm sure Miss Darcy can be convinced to help you out, and I offer a reward. If you will play three songs for me, I will play for you, and the rest of our audience, the whole of my second composition as far as I have it written down. All of it. Will you take my offer?'

He is certainly very charming, and very devious. After his obvious admiration for Elizabeth as he came in, to tease her and offer to play especially for her, no-one will ever believe him to be Georgiana's admirer. Fitzwilliam will think he has a thing for Elizabeth, and since he trusts his beloved unconditionally, he will not even mind that. He may even understand.

'Will you please play with me, Elizabeth?' Georgiana knows she will need some convincing.

'All right, but not on my own. It would be cruel to subject anyone to my bungling when they've just heard a master play, and sing.'

Georgiana quickly puts the sheets of the songs they have practised together on the stand, and they play and sing two very creditable duets.

Then Elizabeth plays the folk song she has taught Georgiana, and Georgiana joins in with the singing. Her sister's fingering has improved a lot, and she even remembers the correct stance, Georgiana is impressed. If Elizabeth had a little more ambition, she could advance quickly.

But for now, Elizabeth is clearly glad it is over, she has done what she had to, to earn another composition.

The audience, including Eric and of course especially Fitzwilliam, applaud the two of them heartily, and Eric gets up from the chair he was sitting in and moves back to the piano stool.

'You have earned your reward, Mrs Darcy, that was pretty good, much better than you described your own performance. I'm sorry to startle you into playing like this, but I promise I'll make it up to you. Thank you very much for your performance.'

And the music starts once more, quietly, lovingly, Georgiana now open to its full effect. As Eric's feelings grow stronger, they take Georgiana along with them and she feels honoured and flattered to have inspired an adult man, a supremely talented man, to write this beautiful music, to feel such powerful emotions.

If she listens to this composition too often, she will fall in love, it cannot be helped, it is so beautiful. Fortunately it is still mainly heartening in tone, there are a few moments in minor, but most of it is elevating, spirited, hopeful.

Again, she gives herself up to the experience, and after fifteen minutes, when Eric is done and the music fades slowly, she is not ashamed to wipe a few tears from her eyes. She wants to hug him and tell him to be patient, wait for her, but she cannot. Not for propriety, but not for herself either. She just doesn't know, can she ever love him? Can he really love a woman over his music? Georgiana is not the kind of woman to marry an artist, then sacrifice herself to him and his children, she is an artist, too, and has been used to people caring for her, she has never known hardships, she is probably not suitable to anything else but be a gentlewoman, no matter how harsh a realisation that is.

Those thoughts do not help stopping her tears, and she fears to make a scene, but Mr Bennet spies her and takes her to a quiet corner, with the excuse of not wanting to disturb the atmosphere by having servants come in to pour some wine.

'There, there,' Elizabeth's nice father says, he's actually not that old, not even fifty she'd guess. His hair is grey, and he has quite a few lines in his face, but he's probably outside riding and hunting all the time, and the skin tends to show that.

'That composition sure was powerful, Miss Georgiana, your piano teacher is a sensitive, and sensible, man. And very talented as well. I hope the world is ready for him, I wouldn't be surprised, most people like a good cry now and then. If my first love ever hadn't turned out so dramatically, but in a totally unsentimental way, I'd have shed a few tears myself. I still may, for what might have been had I been as fastidious and as fortunate as your brother.'

That's right, Elizabeth's silly mother is his wife, it's incredible he ever thought it a good idea to marry her. But it would be so much worse if Georgiana were to marry the wrong man, he'd own her.

'You'd better follow his example, and choose very carefully. Remember child, money isn't everything, sitting at a table and having something to say to one another is generally vastly underrated.'

Is he telling her a certain pianist might be a good choice for her?

'Well, I'm ready to carry a few glasses, are you allowed wine at your age?'

'If it's well-watered, yes, I can have one glass.'

'Then this one is for you, see, more water than wine. I suppose Mr Fielding is an adult, and Lizzy is married to one, which makes five glasses of unwatered wine. Here you go.'

And they each carry three glasses of wine to the group of people now sitting and talking, and hand everyone a glass. By the time they arrive, Georgiana has her feelings under control.

After one glass of wine, and a lot of interesting talk about Mr Fielding's music, Mrs Annesley announces she has to go home.

'My husband will be waiting for me, he's getting spoiled with my being home most evenings.'

Mrs Annesley, joking at the expense of her husband? The end of the world must be nigh.

Mr Bennet says, 'I'll show you out, and then I'm going to say goodnight to the library, and turn in myself.'

Georgiana is actually rather tired, and she feels it may be wise to leave Mr Fielding to Fitzwilliam and Elizabeth for a while, not to seem too attached to him, so she takes her leave as well.

'Thank you so much for your beautiful music, Mr Fielding, I had no more trouble feeling its force. I'm sure most people will truly appreciate it, normal people, I really think they'll pay to hear you play. See you the day after tomorrow for my lesson, I'm looking forward to it. And thank you so much for helping us tune. Good night!'

She shakes his hand with feeling, and he very briefly puts his other hand on hers.

'It was my pleasure, Miss Georgiana, and I'm looking forward to our next lesson. Thank you so much for your trust in me, it really helps me. Good night.'

Darcy is very surprised to see his sister leave before Mr Fielding does, but she seems happy enough, and indeed rather tired. He still hasn't seen even the slightest sign of their guest admiring her, if anything he'd say the musician admires Elizabeth, but if both ladies say so, Darcy cannot but trust them.

One thing is certain at the very least, he truly likes the young man, a lot. His life's story is very touching, and in a way much more interesting than any of their own lives, and Darcy has rarely heard a more sensible view on the world. Mr Fielding has thought on serious subjects, he is certainly not totally focussed on music.

Instead of taking his leave, Mr Fielding now asks, 'Mr and Mrs Darcy, would I be imposing on your time very much if I were to ask you to bear with me for another half hour?'

Of course Elizabeth will comply, she likes him.

'Certainly, Mr Fielding, of what use may we be to you? Please sit down, do you want another glass of wine?' See, he knew it.

'If it is not too much to ask of you, I'd like that, please. This is hard for me to talk about, but I've been feeling the need to share it with someone for some time now, and this day has brought new developments. I hoped to find the two of you not just understanding listeners, but also qualified to give me some sound advice.'

That doesn't sound as if he's going to ask permission to woo Georgiana. He is looking at Darcy now, he truly doesn't want to impose, to ask Darcy's leave to speak up, as well as Elizabeth's.

'If we can be of any assistance, Mr Fielding, it will be our pleasure to help you. Please sit down, you too, Elizabeth, I'll pour the wine.'

As Darcy does just that, he can hear his beloved praising Mr Fielding's work once more.

'I've never heard music with such impact before, Mr Fielding, I truly believe people of all levels of society will feel it and want to hear it. I think you have a real future as composer. It's not connoisseurs who will fill a concert-hall, it's the people coming to watch you perform who will be doing that. Maybe you should step out of your comfortable world of nobility and bring your music to the real people.'

Mr Fielding actually brightens a little, causing Darcy to realise his animation was gone as soon as Georgiana left the room. But that was not due to love, he was hiding something from her, something that is bothering him, and they are about to find out what.

As they are all sitting, glass of wine in hand, Mr Fielding tells them what is riding him.

'I told you my patron enabled me to attend a good school, where I learned my manners and improved my playing manifold. Then he took me under his wings directly, engaging a master to teach me, much like I teach Miss Darcy now.

He sent me to Prague to study for a year, though that was not merely for studying, he also wanted me to find a new market for his piano's and harpsichords, my patron was one of the first manufacturers of piano's in London, and before that he already made harpsichords, still does.

I owe him everything, without him I would indeed be herding cows on the moors, or more likely, be dead, for I was not a vigorous child.'

Mr Fielding pauses awhile to take a sip from his glass of wine, then continues.

'I have always had great respect for my patron, I even loved him as a parent, but recently we have not been seeing eye to eye anymore.

I am an artist, I want to improve my skills as performer, and for that I need to find a new master abroad to teach me. After that, I want to travel the world to perform in the greatest halls, though Mrs Darcy, your notion of bringing music to the common people, the tradesmen, even the working people, does stir something inside me.

Of course my aspirations are expensive to fulfil, and I would be out of town, even out of the country for at least a year, and then for months at a time afterwards, but I could represent my patron's business interests wherever I went, making back some of the money he invested in me, and making up for my absences by gaining him clients and new markets for his instruments.

He, however, is not interested in furthering my career and allowing me to develop, he says I'm the best player in London and should be pleased with that. My patron wants me to stay put, play ever larger venues here, on his instruments. He's had the famous German composer Mozart play one of his, did you know that? And in a way I can understand why he refuses to spend even one more penny on my advancement, since he doesn't profit by it, being a tradesman, not an artist. He does not feel the drive I have, he cannot understand how unhappy I am becoming.

In short, my patron, to whom I owe everything, has fettered me to London and to his business interests, and now he wants me to marry his daughter. Louisa is pretty, she is sweet, she is his heir and will be very wealthy one day, but she is not developed at all. She has no interest beyond running a household and raising children, never reads, and has nothing of any interest to say, and yet she admires me as her hero. My indifference is very hurtful to her, and it pains me, too, for I love her as a sister and hate to see her unhappy. But ever since I met your sister, Mr Darcy, I know I'd rather stay single all my life than marry a girl without drive, without ambition of her own.

So, with a career as performer out of reach, and a hopeful maiden eyeing me across the dining table each evening, I'm starting to lose heart.

Then this afternoon, the worst thing happened. You know I have not performed my entire concerto to anyone before this evening, it is very personal, and I did not want to risk rejection of something so close to my heart. I have played parts of the worked version for my patron, and he told me he could appreciate it, though he prefers to hear technically complicated pieces, like sonata's.

But this afternoon, as I prepared for this private concert, I was playing back some of the original sheet music, and I got totally caught up by its force and feeling. When I was done, I saw my patron, he had come in without my noticing it, and I could see at once that he hated it. He wanted to know what I was playing and I told him, and he wanted me to promise him I would never play my own music in public.

I cannot promise him that, and I told him so, but not as frankly as I would have liked to, I know you will understand! How can I deny myself after having been forced to deny my ambitions already? Will I have to spend the rest of my life indentured to him? It would be a pleasant captivity, with good food, all the luxuries I'd want, a sweet wife, and wealth and freedom after my patron's death. But I've never strived for an easy life, I want challenges, I want to truly live, I cannot deny the music that is in my mind. I cannot play other composers' music when my own is fighting its way out day and night until I write it down.

I fear that if I don't obey him he will throw me out and find another musician to promote his instruments, and I'm afraid of becoming destitute. I'm not strong, I cannot do anything but play and compose, I cannot work the docks or serve in a household, I was raised a gentleman, without any useful skills.

But I know I cannot become a placid, fat husband to a tradesman's daughter either, playing sonatas on my father-in-law's piano's to demonstrate their superb quality and latest innovations.

Please give me advice, I need it!'

As Darcy is still thinking through Mr Fielding's dilemma, Elizabeth says with feeling, 'You need never be destitute, Mr Fielding, you can always teach for a living. You could build up a new life, less easy of course, but someone of your talent will find a new patron eventually.'

But Darcy understands Mr Fielding's guilt, his disappointment, the temptation of easy money at the price of taking a simple wife and wasting his best years.

'I'm very sorry for you, Mr Fielding, I can imagine how you must feel, torn between duty to the patron who made you, and your talent and ambition telling you you're being fettered.

I cannot presume to tell you how to lead your life, but as a man who waited ten years for the right woman and went through the depths of despair before being able to win her, I advise you not to marry without love. Both despair and being deliriously happy must be such fabulous inspiration for your music.

I have never been patron to anyone, but having been head of two extensive households and a landlord to dozens of families for five years, since my esteemed father passed away, I pride myself on having some insight in your dilemma. I do not own the people who work for me. They work hard, they depend on me, and I see it as my duty to help them lead their lives as pleasantly as possible. If they grow beyond my service, I let them go and help them to get ahead. Holding back ambitious people doesn't serve any purpose, they will grow unhappy, and they will usually blame their unhappiness on the people who they feel are holding them back.

Your patron made you, but he does not own you. You have no obligations to make either him, or his daughter happy at the cost of your own peace of mind.

I have enjoyed your concert immensely, and I agree with Elizabeth that most people would appreciate your music. It is much more accessible than most compositions, less stiff and yes, less pretentious. It has true feeling, and anyone can understand its nature. Your patron has no right to keep you from composing and from playing your music to an audience.

But I also understand you feel indebted to him and would unwillingly leave his protection. May I propose a solution to you?'

Mr Fielding, obviously heartened by Darcy's layman's praise of his work, is all ears.

'Mr Fielding, I will look into this business of being someone's patron, I have the means, I have the inclination to be of use to you, and I'm sure I'd gain some extra credit with my wife and sister in supporting you. I do not guarantee you an international career, I have no insight in the cost, I think it might be beyond what I'm prepared to invest.

And personally I think your constitution is too delicate to travel the continent ceaselessly, also, as an adoring brother, I have to listen to my sister, who says you would be a loss to the world as composer if you were to become solely a performer.

But I dare advise you to just be yourself with your patron, be frank and tell him you cannot give up all your ambitions to marry a girl you only love as a sister. Be realistic about your own views of your future, you cannot expect your patron to beggar himself to pay for your dream. But you are not his possession, and if he should throw you out for refusing to be one, I will personally see to it that you do not become destitute. I will help you find a place to live and an income to support yourself.

And if my inquiries into being a patron have a favourable outcome, I may even be prepared to further your career. But, that does mean you will have to be blameless in the separation from your current patron, I will not have people say I stole you from him, put you up against him to further my own ends. I have an excellent reputation among the tradespeople of London, and I mean to hold on to that. He will have to decide to part with you, though that may hurt your personal feeling of dignity. Be yourself, and if he lets you go instead of letting you develop, I will help you.'

Darcy can see the relief on the young man's face, and he truly admires his talent and his burning ambition. Whatever his birth, this man is now a gentleman, and he should not be forced to serve anyone at the cost of his personal development. Darcy's mind is already thinking of the person best suited to find out what is expected of a patron to an artist, and it decides on his lawyer. He needs to see him over Elizabeth's settlement anyway, that should be ready to sign by now. Better have his cousin Fitzwilliam over to witness right after the wedding, just in time for a Christmas party in London.

'Thank you very much, Mr Darcy, I'll take your advice and tell my patron about my feelings without mentioning you or your kind offer. I love him almost like a father, and I will tell him the truth, that I love Louisa like a sister. I didn't dare before, for fear of ending up in the streets. If he should decide to stop supporting me, you will not be held accountable in any way.

And I will take you advice on marriage to heart especially, for I never realised your marriage had not been love at first sight. It feels that way, you're so, well...right, together. Love always seemed to me to be second to ambition, but recently I have started to review that opinion. Maybe playing in all the great halls of Europe is not the only way to gain happiness.

I feel much lighter, though it will be difficult to face my patron with what I know will anger and hurt him. But I cannot live like a slave, I must decide my own fate, and I cannot refrain from composing any more than I can refrain from drawing breath.

Thank you again, both of you.

I hope to see one of you with Miss Georgiana at my patron's place, just before you leave for Hertfordshire.'

They shake hands, and Darcy can see Elizabeth needs to actively refrain from touching him further, probably to soothe him. He is of an age to be her brother, and such an engaging personality, but Darcy sees nothing to make him jealous of his beloved's affection. He hands Mr Fielding the payment they arranged for the evening, noticing the young man seems to have a hard time accepting it. He does pocket the money, though, distracted by Elizabeth speaking.

'Good luck, Mr Fielding,' she says, 'I hope things will work out better than you expect. They still might, you know, your patron must love you, too, to want you to marry his only child.'

And since Darcy has nothing to add to that, he merely takes the young man's shoulders in a solid grip, and adds, 'Good luck, Mr Fielding. Please keep us informed.'

Then Mr Fielding leaves, and as soon as their guest is out of the room, Elizabeth embraces Darcy tightly.

'I had such hope his patron would appreciate his work, this must be a crushing disappointment to Mr Fielding.'

Her hair smells lovely, though he prefers to see her less made up, she's almost too beautiful for him this way, more like a queen than an ordinary mortal.

'You like him a lot, don't you?'

'I do, Fitzwilliam, I cannot help it.'

'Should I be jealous?'

She looks up at him, incredulous, then observes, 'You're not even making fun of me, you're partly serious. I'm yours forever, Fitzwilliam, there is no man in this world who can compare to you.'

Then, more playfully, 'I like Mr Fielding, admire his talent, but he is obsessed with music. I prefer a man who lives in the real world, and who adores me, not a chunk of wood held together with strings.

Besides, he's in love with your sister.'

'Are you sure, Elizabeth? He seemed to admire you very much.'

'Believe me, he is. He's just a very good actor as well as a superb player and singer. And I look very good in this dress, you said so yourself. I'm not worried, nor should you be. If you want to worry, worry about your sister. If he gets thrown out of his patron's protection, she'll want to rescue him at any cost.'

'You will, too, and I want to help him, too. I like him so much I don't even think about his birth anymore. He is a gentleman in all other respects, and I'm sure he would treat my sister with respect. But don't tell him that, and you can even keep that a secret from my sister, since you're doing her the same favour.'

Does she show a twinge of guilt? Darcy is certain of it, but if Georgie confides in Elizabeth, how can he object to that? Intimacy between them was his dearest wish, wasn't it? He rejoices in it, even though it does make him feel a little left out.

'Never mind, Elizabeth, I'm glad you are close, Georgie never had anyone to confide in. She must be very happy to have you, though not as happy as I am.'

And he lifts her to his chest, ready to go to their nice warm bed, and hold her against him without their beautiful clothes between them.