Chapter Fifteen

I followed Owen down the stairs, and peered over the boy's shoulder. Below, Sodapop was waiting for me in the foyer with Steve and Two-Bit standing by his side. I locked eyes with my brother and sensed he had been concerned about me for hours. I gently pushed past my boyfriend and ran smack into my waiting sibling. I wrapped my arms around him and, in unison, we apologized to each other.

"You have no reason to be sorry." Sodapop told me. "I shouldn't have tried to force you to be with everyone."

I kept my cheek pressed against my brother's chest and told him, "I shouldn't have acted the way I did. I should have realized you were only trying to do what you thought was best."

"I am just glad you are here to be mad at me." Sodapop told me.

"I'm not mad at you." I assured him.

Steve stepped in to give me a quick hug. "I'm glad you're okay. I heard you were pretty tough. Guess we should think of a new nickname for you other than, Sissy. Huh?"

"Yeah, like Wonder Woman!" Sodapop called out.

"Or Super Girl!" Steve countered.

"I like, best friend!" Two-Bit gave me a tight squeeze. "I couldn't imagine life without ya."

"Thanks, Two-Bit." I said with a tiny smile.

"Honest, I don't know where I'd be today if it weren't for you setting me straight on a lot of things."

"You're one of my best friends too." I smiled at the man. "You've come to my rescue so many times, and you've always got my back."

"Tonight is no different." Two-Bit hooked his thumbs into the belt loops of his jeans. "Steve and I are headed out to meet up with the Sheppards. We're all going over to talk to Schmitty. Find out how his gang feels about all this, and if they plan to do anything about it."

The suggestion of my friends going into Northside territory gave me a nervous, uneasy feeling.

"They better not plan to do anything about it!" Soda chirped out a warning.

I cautiously suggested. "Maybe, you all should just let it go and stay here. Is it really worth the risk?"

"Awe hell, Sissy," Steve called out. "Schmitty aint gonna do nothing to us, especially with Tim there. He aint gonna want to lose anymore teeth then he already has." The boys laughed together at the memory.

I remembered a few years back when Schmitty, leader of the Northside gang, came into our neighborhood trying to declare it 'Northside Turf'. Now, our area of town doesn't necessarily have one gang in charge, but a lot of guys are very possessive of their turf and Tim Shepard is one of them. That day, Tim grabbed a handful of chains and he, Curly and Dallas hunted down Schmitty. They found him and a couple of his friends hitting on some girls outside of the Dairy Dream. First thing Tim did was knock out four of Schmitty's teeth then our guys gave those other guys a beating most of the neighborhood hasn't forgotten. Tim Shepard got three months in jail for his actions. Curly and Dally skinned out of there before the cops could catch them. I remembered Dally spent two weeks straight inside our house after that to avoid any trouble with the cops. My parents weren't too happy with him. They made him cook meals and do extra chores everyday he was there, but they kept him safe.

"Besides, you're worth the risk." Two-Bit told me.

"You guys be sure to be careful." Owen told the boys. "From what I've heard that gang is a rough one."

"Don't worry about it." Two-Bit said, "and we'll let you all know what the talk around town is as soon as we know."

"Thanks, man." Soda replied as he opened the front door to watch Steve and Two-Bit leave.

"Wait!" I pleaded with my friends as my anxiety began to build up. "Maybe you should stay. You haven't eaten yet. Besides, maybe Schmitty hasn't heard about everything yet?"

Two-Bit hadn't noticed my anxiety building as he continued down the sidewalk with Steve and yelled back, "I doubt that's true. We'll be back to let you know what's what."

Sodapop closed the door and turned around to see the fear on my face. "You okay?"

"You're gonna just let them go? You know what that gang is capable of!" I screamed as my heart pounded with panic.

"Scout, they'll be okay. I am sure they wouldn't go over there if they thought there'd be trouble" Owen tried to comfort me.

Darry walked towards the dining room.

I pointed at the front door and demanded. "Darry, you need to go get them! What if they get hurt, or worse?"

"Don't worry about them. They're tough, they'll be fine." Sodapop tried to reason with me.

"Tim aint gonna let anything happen to them." Darry reassured me. "Now, let's go eat, everyone is waiting on us."

I could feel my nerves consuming my thoughts. I knew I couldn't handle any more bad news in my life.

"Let's eat!" Soda said as his hunger pains over took his concern for me. "You ready?"

"Yeah, sure." I answered in an annoyed tone.

I walked into the dining room and looked around the table at everyone. I sat in an empty chair between Soda and Owen. "Sorry for keeping everyone from dinner."

"It's okay." Ponyboy told me from across the table.

I sat down and took a bite of my food. Immediately, guilt flashed through my mind. I worried for my friends. I felt like a burden to my brothers. I struggled to find peace in the fact that I was alive and James wasn't. I tried to subconsciously reason with myself, but I couldn't seem to banish the unwelcomed thoughts.

Out of the blue, Darry warned me. "Don't do it, Scout."

I looked over at him and noticed his fists were clenched in frustration. I quietly asked. "Don't do what?"

"Don't shut down!" Darry continued. "I've seen you do this. I know you blame yourself, but you did nothing wrong!"

I looked down at my plate to find it almost full while everyone else was near finished. I grabbed my fork and knife. I stared at the knife in my hand and spoke my thoughts, "I keep thinking about how I had to use all my strength to hold the blade away from me. It felt like an eternity before they shot him. One minute I was fending him off all by myself, and then… nothing." I looked over at my brother and asked. "Is that how you remember it?"

"Sweetheart, it was just a few seconds." Kathryn assured me.

Darry was annoyed I was asking him to relive the morning events. He looked at me without an answer as he put his last bite of meatloaf into his mouth.

Mrs. Ottavi noticed his aloofness and added, "Darry, you should answer her. I think she is hoping to have a shared experience with you so she doesn't feel alone."

Darry wiped his mouth and rested the cloth napkin on the table. He defiantly looked across the table at his mother in law. "Okay, here's my experience… I was sitting in the car with Kathryn and wishing I could spend more time with her, but that wasn't in the cards that life had dealt me. I remember thinking I heard Scout yell my name, so I sprinted inside, but she was nowhere in sight." Darry switched his attention to me. "I ran in and saw what James was doing to you. Your face was off color, and your eyes were wide open then James lunged at me and he stabbed me before I could react. I don't remember feeling pain, just shock and all I could think about in that moment was 'how is Sodapop going to be able to take care of you and Ponyboy without me'? Then today, I left you all alone again. The moment I saw him with the knife in his hand my first reaction was to protect Kathryn. I pushed her away from danger instead of helping to save you. I left you alone again, to fend for yourself. I wasn't there for you. If you think about it, since the day mom and dad died, I have never really been there for you when you needed me the most."

I was shocked by his admittance and I pleaded with him, "Darry, you have been there for me plenty! You shouldn't feel that way. You are being too hard on yourself!" I pleaded with him.

"So are you!" Darry said matter of fact. "Now put all of this behind you, and eat!"

There was silence in the room before Dorothy scolded her son in law. "Hold on, you can't just dismiss her like that!"

"I'm not dismissing anything. I am telling her that it's time to move on. The one thing I know for sure is that life moves on without your input, or caring about how you feel. One morning, I am a single guy roofing houses with one year of college tuition in my bank account. By the time the sun sets, I'm a man with three kids, a stack of bills to pay and the house payment is due in two days. There was no time for me to let the world stop around me, and the same goes for Scout right now! I know her better than any of you. If you let her stop, she'll get stuck. If you push her through this, she may get sour with you, but she'll get better!"

"That's true." Sodapop quietly acknowledged his brother's wisdom.

"Of course, it's true! Just 'cause it seems heartless doesn't mean I am." Darry defended himself.

"Darry, no one is saying you are heartless." Kathryn consoled him.

"Yes, we do." Ponyboy said. "Or at least we have."

"Darry," Casey joined the conversation. "For what it's worth, you have never been anything but kind to me. I think you are an amazing friend and brother and I know you'll be a great father, and trust me, I know what a crappy one is like, and you're not it! And while we are on the topic of crappy parents. Owen, I am sorry you have to go through what you've been through, but you are a true hero to your family. I hope your mom gets the help she needs and I hope you can get better too. I love all of you so much, and it's going to be so hard to step on that bus all alone and leave, but if I don't, I know I'll get stuck too. Scout, I agree with Darry. You can't let James dying weigh you down. You need to get through this, and fast. We all know life is too short to be wasting worry on something that never really mattered to you."

"She's right." Pony agreed.

"Scout?" Mr. Ottavi asked. "Forgive me for being obtuse, but I still don't understand. How on earth is any of this your fault?"

I stared at the man. A hush fell across the room as everyone waited for my answer. The seconds ticked along silently.

"I know why." Owen cleared his throat and unexpectedly answered for me. "It's because of Judge Carlson. When Darrell and Maggie passed away, he wanted to put Scout up for adoption, but she wouldn't agree to it."

"None of us would!" Soda blurted out.

I looked over at Ponyboy who was looking at Darry. I turned my gaze to my eldest brother who seemed to be contemplating what to say next.

"Scout, is that true?" Mrs. Ottavi asked.

I stayed silent, and Owen answered for me. "Yeah. Since I've known her, she links everything 'bad' back to that. She thinks she should have agreed to be adopted and everything would have been different."

"Everything bad, and good!" Kathryn told me.

Darry looked at me. "You need to understand that being adopted, or not, was never your choice."

I responded meekly. "I could have just agreed, and things would've been different."

Darry laughed at the absurdness of my reasoning as his temper flared. "Do you know what would have been different if you agreed? Nothing! Not a damn thing! I would have rather hid you in the attic than let you leave this family. Scout, you're my little sister. Mine! Not someone else's in some other house with some other last name. Mine! And I'da died or gone to jail before I'd ever let you go! I thought you knew that!"

I looked down at my uneaten food and felt guilty again.

Darry stood up from his chair. "Excuse me. I just need a moment alone." My brother walked out of the dining room, and then out the front door.

I felt a wave of panic rush through me because he was outside and unsafe where I couldn't see him. I stood up and looked out the dining room window to keep my eyes on him.

"You okay?" Soda asked softly as he walked up behind me.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Sissy, none of us can control what happens, but all of us can deal with it. That's all he's asking. Just deal with it one day at a time, and let the past stay in the past."

"Soda, would you please go out and get him. I don't want him out there alone."

"Sure."

I watched from the window as Soda met with our older brother. Behind me, I heard the family begin to clear the table. I watched out the window at my brothers engaged in a conversation on the lawn. By the time they turned to return to the house the family had cleared all of the supper dishes. I met my brothers at the front door and shut and locked it behind them.

With annoyance, Darry immediately turned and unlocked the deadbolt.

Sodapop stepped in, and locked the deadbolt again. He looked our brother in the eye and told him, "It's okay for her to be scared. She's been through a lot."

Darry took a moment to stare down his younger brother for questioning his decision then Darry spoke with authority. "Scout, go pack your things. You are coming home with us."

I froze in my spot and stared at my brother.

"Darry? Are you sure that's safe?" Mrs. Ottavi asked.

"It's her home. She needs to be at home where her life can be normal again."

"But she had police protection here." Mrs. Ottavi added.

"We don't need it. Scout needs to move on, and having the cops look out for her one night doesn't mean a damn thing." Darry explained.

"Aren't you worried about the custody agreement?" Ponyboy asked to be sure Darry's decision didn't cause more trouble.

"The way I see it, the custody arrangement only mattered if James was alive." Darry replied.

"Dad, is that true?" Kathryn asked.

"I don't know if it's true, but the argument could hold up in court. Either way, for now, I think it's best if Scout stays put until we know more." Arthur answered.

Darry said, "I think its best if she gets back into the life she knew before all of this."

Kathryn grabbed her husband's hand. "What if I am too worried to have her go home tonight? To have any of you go home?"

"Why don't we wait to hear back from Steve and Two-Bit." Pony suggested.

Mrs. Ottavi perked up. "I have an idea, after you take Owen home, why doesn't everyone just spend the night here. Then in the morning we will be refreshed and we can think everything through."

"I like that idea," Casey said.

"I like that idea too." Owen added.

"Me three," Kathryn wrapped her arms around her husband to persuade him. "Stay here with me and the baby tonight."

Darry looked down at his wife. "Right now, I have to do what's right for Scout, and I really feel she can pull through better in her own home"

I looked at the young family and felt my usual guilt for getting in the way of Darry's life. I blurted out, "I want us all to stay here tonight. I think that would be best for me."

Darry looked at me with disagreement in his eyes. "Nah uh. You are only saying that to make Kathryn happy."

Mr. Ottavi added. "We have plenty of space."

"Scout, where do you want to stay?" Mrs. Ottavi asked me.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Darry watching for my answer. "Maybe I don't know what I want, so tonight, let's just do what Kathryn wants."

"You're sure?" Darry asked me.

"I am, but do you honestly think going home is best for me?"

"I think we all need to go home. We need to get back to what our lives used to be." Darry said.

"But we are moving in a few weeks." Ponyboy said.

"Sure, but a few weeks together at home as a family may be best for all of us." Darry replied.

My brother's comment made me realize how wrong I was to ever think I wasn't wanted at home. "Darry, I'm sorry about my attitude towards the adoption idea. I never considered you never considered it."

"I didn't, and I honestly never would. Why did you think I'd get so mad when things happened that could land the three of you in a children's home?"

"I never gave it much thought." I told him. "I guess, I just thought you were mad because you had to deal with us and you didn't want to."

Darry raised his hands up in frustration. "Did I ever tell you I didn't want to be your guardian?"

"No." I said.

"Did I ever tell you I didn't love you?" Darry asked.

Pony intervened, "No, but you seemed agitated about everything."

"Pony! My parents died. My brothers and little sister were orphaned. How could I not be agitated by all of that?"

"See, I told you it was never you two!" Sodapop smiled and defended his past opinions.

Darry turned to me. "Scout, I love you, but you blame yourself for too much, and it's frustrating. You know, any one of us could do the same thing. If I didn't let you skip the football game at the Lot you wouldn't have been shot. If I was stricter and didn't let you go to the library or Pony go to the movies, neither of you would have been jumped. If I said no dating until you were older then nothing would have happened with James. I could blame myself for everything, but why? Tell me why I should?"

"I don't think you should." I answered softly.

"Then why can't that be the same for you? Everything we do in life can be second guessed. You have to stop doing that! You can't just focus on the past. You have to move forward!"

"Well said, Darrell." Arthur praised.

Darry added, "And sometimes there isn't time in life for worry or mourning. People need you. You can't get stuck and make then wait."

There it was. The real reason why Darry was so solemn after our parents died. All that time, he was just trying to keep his own momentum moving forward, so the three of us didn't have to wait for the things we needed. I looked over at my twin as he frowned at me. We both realized we had a lot to learn about being a grown up. As a gesture of understanding of what Darry was trying to do to help me, I stepped to the front door and unlocked the deadbolt. "I may not be as good at it as you are, but I will try to keep moving forward."

Darry let out a deep sigh with a smile. "You're only fifteen, you don't have to be great at it yet, but you do need to let us push you along if we think you need it."

"Is it okay if I cry a little along the way?"

"Maybe a little." Darry teased lightly.

"You can cry to me." Sodapop told me, "Pony always does."

Pony laughed and threw a playful punch at Soda that he was able to dodge.

"You're the bawl baby in the family and you punch like a girl." Soda laughed at himself then looked at me. "Well, not like all girls."

"Stop now!" Kathryn smiled. "No roughhousing in the house."

"This aint roughhousin'" Sodapop warned her. "When you have to live with us you'll know what roughhousin' is."

"No sir, after this baby is born the score in the house is gonna be three to three, so you all are going to have to be acting a lot more lady like."

"IF it's a girl!" Sodapop reminded her. "Which it's not gonna be."

"What makes you think that?" Casey asked. "She comes from a whole family full of girls!"

"Casey! The mother doesn't determine if it's a boy or a girl, that's the father's job." Ponyboy corrected our friend who clearly hadn't paid too much attention in biology class.

"Darry doesn't get to pick either!" Casey defended herself as Ponyboy walked over to explain to her the science of chromosomes.

From the foyer, we all heard a ruckus out front on the lawn. Darry and I looked out the window by the front door and noticed Steve and Two-Bit were being questioned by the police officers. Darry opened the door to hear the conversation.

"You saw us leave here an hour ago, we're just coming back to talk to the family!" Steve snapped at an officer who had ahold of his shirt.

"Officers!" Mr. Ottavi called out as he walked outside the house with Darry in tow. "Let the gentlemen be. They are welcome to come inside."

"Yes sir, Mr. Ottavi. Sorry for the trouble boys, we just needed to be sure." One of the officers responded, and Mr. Ottavi escorted my friends into the house.

"So … what's the news?" I asked nervously as Owen grabbed my hand.

Two-Bit looked at me with a grin. "Schmitty said they aint got no interest in settling a score for what happened to James. Said he probably had it coming."

There was an audible sigh of relief from everyone in the home.

"How can you be sure?" Owen asked.

Steve looked at me as he answered the question. "Schmitty said he don't need no trouble from those 'high end' Socs you hang around with."

"Yeah," Two-Bit laughed, "Seems he's more scared of lawyers than he is of Sheppard! Told us messing with Scout, or any of you, aint worth the hassle it could bring."

"And you believe him?" Owen asked for reassurance.

"Every last word. He said he didn't know those boys of his were going there to see James today. Says the ones that got caught are on their own." Steve replied.

"We didn't need to threaten him or anything. He just told us straight up." Two-Bit said. "Boy, was Tim Sheppard mad. He really wanted to work that boy over good again."

"Good deal." Darry said.

"But the boys that got caught? They can cause whatever trouble they want to when they get out?" Owen asked.

"Yeah, but they won't." Steve told him.

"How can you be sure of that?" Kathryn asked.

"Cause they aint gonna want no trouble with the law neither, and they are gonna listen to Schmitty, otherwise they won't have no one to watch their backs."

Kathryn furrowed her brow in question at our friend. "I believe you; I just don't entirely understand how you can be so sure."

Sodapop stepped into the conversation. "That side of town is tough. You can't just do whatever you want if it's gonna put heat on Schmitty. If you do, he's gonna send someone after you to keep you in line."

"That's the nice part about Sheppard kinda running things on our side of town." Two-Bit added. "He will do what's needed to protect his own turf. He and Dally, always made sure no other gang took over."

"I am in no way a proponent of vigilante law, but if it keeps my family safe, that's enough for me right now." Arthur said.

"Glad you see it that way." Darry told him.