Chapter 41

Having talked about the most important things, they naturally move on to the less important subjects, their new acquaintance and Miss Bingley's chances to find a husband among them.

Elizabeth can see that Fitzwilliam is rather affected by the idea that a desirable gentleman paying attentions to Georgiana could force a decision to marry well for her family's sake from his faithful sister, but he must consider that possibility, and he will. As soon as he is used to the idea.

For now, a little talk bordering on gossip will divert him from more serious subjects.

'I saw you talking to two almost opposite gentlemen,' she draws him out, 'a foppish thin one and a strapping blond. Were they good company?'

Smiling at her way of talking, he tells her about Mr Vane and Mr Ponsonby, concluding with, 'So, whilst they were both excellent company, I'd say only Ponsonby stands a chance, but he does lack personal beauty. Of the three I have really talked to so far, I'd give Mr Grenfell the highest points.'

'Ah, Mr Grenfell,' Elizabeth replies, 'he is indeed a handsome fellow, with a nice fortune. He did strike me as a little too pleased with himself, but maybe Miss Bingley doesn't mind that. She's used to loving a handsome, proud fellow after all.'

Her cheeky smile has the desired effect, Fitzwilliam forgets everything he might worry about and retorts, 'I thought I told you before, Elizabeth, pride is only a flaw in a weak character. Where there is real superiority of mind, pride will always be under good regulation.'

Elizabeth can feel her smile broaden, he really sounds exasperated, as if he means it.

'We'll just have to see in which category Mr Grenfell places himself, then.'

Fitzwilliam has truly learned to laugh at himself, quoting his own foolishness with relish, showing his love for her openly and of course unable to keep his hands off her, even after having been totally sated not even an hour ago.

'Which gentlemen have you had the pleasure talking to?' he asks her between two kisses.

'I talked to Mr Grenfell, and admired his looks, but not his self-assurance. But I mostly spent some time with Mr Lascelles and Mr Bathurst. You know, the smallest guy of the lot, with the moustaches? That is Mr Lascelles, he's part French and proud of it.

He certainly has the mental capacities to regulate his pride, he struck me as being extraordinarily smart. My father asked him for his opinion on the Revolution in his father's homeland, and he had some truly fascinating insights. I'm sure papa will seek him out again the coming days. His ideas on equality are only slightly less revolutionary than those of the current French rulers.

And he stuck to them faithfully, for he did not object to my participating in the conversation, he answered my questions and reacted to my remarks as seriously as to my father's, despite my being a mere female.'

'You could never be a mere female, my love,' Fitzwilliam breathes in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine.

'You are the smartest person I know, though I don't know Mr Lascelles beyond shaking hands with him. His English is accentless, isn't it?'

'It is, he was born and raised here, his mother was an independent widow who married a refugee from our nation's mortal enemy. I like him a lot, but I don't think Miss Bingley will, he's not actually of impeccable descent, you see, his father was no commoner, but all his possessions were taken from him and he was totally destitute when the noble widow took him in and fell in love with him.'

'So Mr Lascelles is out. And Mr Bathurst?'

'He is the last option, since Mr Acton is reputed to be a second son and destined for the church. I think I'll like Mr Acton, though, he seemed not merely handsome, but rather artistic somehow. I can't wait to really get to know him, I suppose there will be some time before the wedding tomorrow, and anyway, we'll be together for at least a week afterwards. Do we need to go home to prepare for the Christmas party?'

'No, Mrs Annesley assured me she had it all covered. I'll accompany Georgie to her piano lesson to make sure, we'll take the carriage, the slow team is so much faster now we can be there and back in a day, if I miss you too much. You'll be fine with your sister, won't you?'

'I will, I feel much more at home here with Jane being the lady of the house.'

'But you were going to tell me about Mr Bathurst, is he really an option?'

'Well, you've seen him, he is not at all handsome, but in a very noble way I think. Like your aunt, very impressive, very important looking, but not athletic or with pleasing features.

Still, he is nice enough, and smart. Somehow, Bingley seems to have a really good taste in friends, they are all nice, though widely different in appearance.

If there wasn't a foot of snow at least outside, we could see them ride out, observe their sportsmanship, though the real athletes will undoubtedly get restless after a few days of being snowed in. I'm glad we'll only have to dig our way to church for the wedding, with the party held right here.

I suppose it will be very weird to dance with you here, my love, since my family made such a laughingstock of themselves last time we danced here. If you see me blush scarlet, I'll be thinking of how they behaved, and how I addressed you that night. I was openly hostile, so incredibly rude, I truly wonder how you managed to stick to your preference for me.'

'Never mind, my love, I didn't even notice your hostility, I thought you were merely rather lively. And your family, you know they weren't your responsibility, you couldn't help it.

In one thing at least Wickham was actually right, I was a prig, a total and utter one.

I'm cured now, maybe I'll make a fool of myself to prove it. When you dance with Wickham, I'll throw a tantrum, and your father will have to calm me down.'

Imagining this, Elizabeth has to laugh, and Fitzwilliam joins her.

Then he asks, 'So which one will Miss Bingley choose?'

'I guess it will be Mr Grenfell.'

Fitzwilliam agrees, 'I think so too, though I think she should choose Mr Ponsonby. If he'd have her.'

'With her fortune, she can choose any of them, and I think Mr Acton may very well be the most deserving, but Miss Bingley will not throw herself away on a penniless second son.'

'Maybe she'll decide to go for Mr Manners after all, he does seem the nicest of the lot. He did me a great turn helping me to get acquainted with his friends. As if he knew it was difficult for me to relate to so many strangers.'

'I do like him as well, and we'll probably see plenty of him, Bingley seems very taken with him.'

After that, they discuss the wedding the next day, snuggling close all the time, getting ever more sleepy, and before they know it, it is light outside once more. The day of Jane's marriage has arrived!

But when they have indulged themselves in their usual loving, and Simon answers their ring and opens the curtains, while Fanny busies herself preparing her mistress' church dress, they can see snow flurrying past the window in amazing thickness for something airborne.

'Is it snowing as hard as it seems, Simon?' Fitzwilliam asks his valet, and Simon dutifully answers.

'It is, master, and it seems as if it has snowed all night as well, for there is nothing to be seen outside but white. It is fortunate all the guests have arrived yesterday, for no-one will be able to travel more than a few miles in safety today.'

Oh, no, poor Jane! She has waited for so long to be wed, and now the ceremony may have to be cancelled due to the atrocious weather!

'Don't worry, Elizabeth,' Fitzwilliam says soothingly, 'we'll find a way to have your sister wed today. But maybe you'd better wear your special woollen underwear under your dress. Churches tend to be draughty, and I'm afraid your little carriage cannot be heated very well. It will be very cold in there.'

They kiss a little more, until the fire has come to life once again under Simon's capable hands, making the room a bit more comfortable to dress in, and their clothes ready for use.

Elizabeth, remembering Simon's strange conversation last night, takes a good look at the handsome valet, and he seems to be glowing. His usual demeanour, always slightly tragic to her eyes since she found out about his unrequited love for his master, is different. With so many male guests, the servants' quarters must be brimming with valets, Simon must have met someone to relieve his loneliness for a night, maybe even a bit longer.

Since that is a rather embarrassing thought, and none of her business anyway, Elizabeth quickly thinks of something else altogether, and with the snow making this day a lot more exciting than her favourite sister's wedding already was, that is rather easy to do.

Wearing the dress Fanny and Elizabeth chose for church, but with her woollen underwear and even her sturdy boots hidden under it, Elizabeth sits still while Fanny does her hair with amazing deftness for a maid who has been promoted from extra help not even a month ago. She must have a real talent for this.

It takes nearly an hour to gild her mistress to her satisfaction, but Simon needs as much time to perfect his master's look, and it certainly pays off. Yesterday's hairdo is managed once more, his cravat is even more intricately folded and pleated, his shoes buffed to the highest sheen. And Simon seems to have applied a tiny dash of dark colouring to his master's eyes, their lashes are darker and longer than ever, and Fitzwilliam's expression is just ravishing.

'I have been warned of outshining the bride in my afternoon dress, Simon,' Elizabeth says cheekily, 'but aren't there similar rules about making the groom seem commonplace compared to his witness? Shouldn't you have botched at least one tiny detail, to spoil the whole and let poor Mr Bingley be the handsomest man for this most important day of his life?'

Simon smiles broadly at her outrageous compliment, and dares to retort.

'The personal staff decided yesterday that Mr Grenfell was the handsomest man in the party, Mrs Darcy. I suppose I did take a little offence at that, and decided to tip the scales in favour of the master today. Do you think I overdid it?'

'I think you did, but it worked. Your master will certainly be the handsomest man today, unless Mr Grenfell's valet outdid your performance.'

Still tickled with his mistress' playful praise, Simon seems to have a turn of thought, and he observes, 'Oh well, not everything is about appearance anyway. Excellent manners and a generous nature make a man beautiful as well.'

And as if to distract them from that observation, he adds, 'Don't you want to know whom they voted the prettiest lady?'

With a laugh, Elizabeth replies, 'I don't need to, for Miss Bennet is not only the most beautiful woman in the party, she has the best manners and the most generous nature of everyone present, man or woman, no exceptions.'

'You are right, ma'am, as ever,' Simon states humbly, 'Miss Bennet led the field with no competition. But you, Mrs Darcy, came in a handsome second, unanimously I might say. And if Miss Bennet weren't the bride today, which will undoubtedly add to her beauty still, you'd give her serious competition in that dress you chose for the party.'

With snow still falling outside, they receive a message from Bingley and Jane, and make their way to the sitting-room where Elizabeth chatted privately with Jane yesterday evening, to meet the bride and groom for a quick deliberation.

But first, Elizabeth looks her fill of her stunningly beautiful sister, already dressed in her wedding-gown, since they are supposed to be wed at the church before noon.

Jane is wearing white, and her gown is deceptively simple, very little lace, hardly any decorations, the simple elegance of the design and her perfect figure are enough to make her stand out. But closer inspection reveals the priceless white silk and the perfect fit of this dress, she did not have it made locally, or Elizabeth has to be very much mistaken.

Bingley is also dressed to perfection, his features are perfectly regular and pleasing, but to Elizabeth he just always seems to lack a little ginger to his character. He is perfectly handsome, and perfectly pleasing, but somehow Fitzwilliam still beats him in looks.

But not in character, not for the bride anyway, Bingley is the perfect husband for Jane, and they will make each other very happy.

At this moment, the couple is a bit distracted, though. The heavy snow is a serious problem, it could very well be dangerous to drive to church in this weather, but without going to church there can be no wedding today.

'What shall we do, Darcy?' Bingley starts. 'We have everyone gathered here in safety, and frankly I don't feel like risking more lives than strictly necessary on our trip to church.

Do you think we can take just one carriage to church, with Jane and myself, Mr Bennet of course, the two of you, and maybe Kitty and Mrs Gardiner? Leave the rest of the party behind in safety, and celebrate here when we're back?'

That sure sounds sensible, but will Bingley's sisters agree to be left behind?

Fitzwilliam obviously shares his beloved's doubts.

'But what will your sisters say when you tell them you're not taking them along, Bingley? I cannot imagine Miss Bingley just accepting not being present at your exchange of vows.'

'Actually, Darcy, it was Caroline's own idea to stay behind, she hates deprivations, and cold is the worst in her opinion. The whole idea of getting stuck in a snow-bank or the Meryton Arms for the night makes her very skin crawl. That is exactly what she told me, by the way.

Also, there is Mr Grenfell, she's taken quite a fancy to him I think. But that is something I didn't hear from her, I deduced that myself.'

'If your sisters don't object, I see no problems in the scheme, do you want to take your carriage? Your horses know how to find their way in this neighbourhood, I think.'

Bingley is in doubt.

'I'd prefer to have your Bob on the box, he's the best driver we have among us, and it will be a real challenge to find our way to Meryton in this.'

Bob is that good? But Elizabeth tends to agree with Fitzwilliam, having local horses can be very important as well, somehow horses usually know where their stables are, and if the weather worsens, that may help them get back to Netherfield.

'Elizabeth's little carriage is rather small for six of us, seven if Kitty wants to come, but it's very stable and the slow team is fit and has been especially shod for snow. Bob loves a challenge, he'll get us to Meryton despite the horses not knowing the way, though it's probably sensible if one of us rides along on horseback anyway, just to be sure.'

That is a very practical improvement on their plans, and they decide Fitzwilliam will ride along on his black horse, it has a certain sensibility that will benefit them if the snow gets too thick to see where they are heading.

Georgiana doesn't mind staying behind, especially not since Kitty decides she'd rather stay at Netherfield as well. Mr Gardiner doesn't mind being left behind, but Mrs Gardiner really wants to come, so she puts on a warmer dress and a warm coat.

Soon, they are all ready to go, the snow is still not letting up, but there is a rather strong wind blowing from one direction, and the road is reasonably clear as far as they can see.

Bob asks his master for a companion on the box, with a shovel, in case they run into a snow-bank in some turn of the road, a very sensible proposal that is of course followed. They decide on a strapping local fellow from the stables named Rick, who can help find the way as well as dig them out of a drift.

The bride and groom seat themselves in Elizabeth's beautiful little carriage, and Elizabeth, Mr Bennet and Mrs Gardiner join them inside, a bit cramped but all the warmer for that. Fitzwilliam mounts his tall black, horse and master both enjoy the prospect of riding a few miles through the snow, that much is clear.

Bob and Rick take their places on the box, protected from the worst of the cold by a screen, and the solid team sets off, almost frisky with the cold.

As long as the road is straight, and crosses the relatively flat grounds of Netherfield, they make excellent time, the first mile passes by without incident. Darcy can see the road easily, the snow is still fresh so it doesn't stick to the road much, it blows right across to gather in large drifts where a line of trees or a hill hinders its advance.

The slow team is strong and has excellent footing with the frost-nails on their shoes, and the occasional accumulation of snow up to a foot and a half is no problem at all, they just walk right through and the carriage follows.

But as soon as they leave the Netherfield grounds behind, trouble starts in the shape of a snow-bank filling up a hollow in the road.

Darcy tests the solidity of it, and his horse has no trouble wading through, but it is probably too high for the carriage to pass unscathed.

And indeed, as Darcy turns his horse and catches Bob's eye, not an easy feat through the flurrying snow, Bob shakes his head at his master: the carriage cannot make it through the drift.

He brings the team to a standstill, and Rick jumps off the box with his shovel and sets to work straight away. Snow is flying, Darcy notes Rick flinging it to the side where the wind will take it away from the road, a clever fellow who undoubtedly hopes they'll be able to return without further shovelling.

In five minutes, Rick has cleared the road enough for Bob to shout at him to catch his attention, then gesture to stop digging.

With a slight slip of the wheels, the carriage comes back to motion, and Bob expertly guides the horses through the narrow gap Rick has dug. Rick gets back on the box, and off they are.

Until they hit the first bridge, a rather steep incline up, followed by the same incline down, covered in a thick layer of powdery snow.

Fearlessly, Darcy sets his black to go up, and it does indeed slip once or twice, but his horse is unshod, whereas the slow team has the weight of the carriage, but is protected from slipping by its special shoes.

But Bob doesn't even hesitate, he urges the team on with his voice, and up they go, pretty fast, actually. Then it's back down, and to Darcy it seems as if the carriage shocks all the way down, he hopes the bride and groom won't get sick inside.

As the horses keep their footing easily, the carriage seems to be following the same track perfectly, and it doesn't show any signs of overtaking the horses. Darcy realises Bob is using the brake on and off, to slow the carriage down but prevent the wheels from blocking and acting like the runners of a sleigh.

Such an excellent driver, his passengers and his horses are just lucky to have Bob watching over their safety.

Without worse mishap than another few drifts they reach the church, and as Bob leads the team to the local stables, Darcy hands Rick his black's reins and a nice tip.

'You have both earned a square meal with a little extra, Rick, Bob and yourself. Treat yourselves at the Arms. Stay sober, though, we still have the return trip ahead. I'm sure your master has a feast planned for you, too, tonight. It's not like him to celebrate and leave his staff with an ordinary supper.'

Rick accepts the money and puts it away with one hand, then voices his appreciation for Darcy's gesture.

'Thank you, Mr Darcy, for rewarding our efforts. Enjoy the ceremony, we'll get your loved ones home safely.'

The first should be easy, compared to outside the church is relatively warm, and lighted beautifully. No profusion of flowers for Jane on her wedding day, but his sister-in-law doesn't look any less beautiful or happy for it.

The damage done to his own outfit by riding through the snow is minimal, the advantages of leather trousers and a thick coat, and Elizabeth ruffles his hair and whispers to him.

'You look even better for your ride, though Simon's efforts with the darkening of your eye-lashes have backfired a little: the cold wind and the snow have caused it to run just a tiny bit, making you look like a melancholy hero.

It makes me want to swoon in your arms, to complete the picture. Will you continue reading that pirate story when we're back home? You look like the pirate captain, I can't wait to picture you in a dramatic scene, being wounded in action and saved and lovingly tended to by his second-in-command, that ravishing black-haired young lady who fights like a demon.'

They snuggle secretly, until Darcy feels someone watching him. It's the minister, of all people, catching them behaving indecently in his church! He didn't come over to scold them, though, he merely asks Darcy to follow him to the groom to prepare for the ceremony.

Darcy totally forgot about that, with all the fuss about the snow. Of course, he's Bingley's witness, he needs to be at his side during the ceremony, and Elizabeth will have to stay behind and sit there all by herself.

Having to leave his beloved suddenly, Darcy feels a bit put out, as he follows the minister to the altar towards his overjoyed friend and the glowing bride, her sister is left sitting by herself. Darcy looks back at her to check whether she minds, and sees Lydia and Wickham descending on her.

Wickham manages to push himself in front of his boisterous wife, and ends up sitting right next to Elizabeth, who clearly does not appreciate Wickham's cheek and acknowledges his hearty greeting with a reserved handshake.

The impudence of that man knows no bounds, Darcy can feel his excellent mood vanish, replaced with irritation and yes, a spark of anger.

He wants to walk over and escort his beloved wife to sit with her aunt Gardiner, who is still standing, talking to her sister -in-law, but of course he cannot, it would be very indecorous, and a triumph to Wickham for having disconcerted Darcy. He'd make a spectacle of himself showing such jealousy towards a man so far beneath him, even if Darcy is convinced Elizabeth once considered that man with a certain tenderness.

Forcing himself back to tranquillity by breathing in and out slowly, Darcy reminds himself that Elizabeth chose him, loves him and married him. The thought gives him a feeling of triumph, and his excellent mood quickly returns.

Elizabeth can take very good care of herself, she has no need for a jealous husband to come to her aid. It's her independence he loves, and if she decides she will humour Wickham again to make him feel at home in the family, she's not doing that for Wickham, she's doing it for her sister, whom she certainly loves, little though the noisy child deserves it.

Elizabeth being nice to Wickham is no sign of her still having warm feelings for him, the very thought is an insult to his beloved, she may have once liked him more than a little, that was before she really knew him. No-one realises having escaped a loss of every prospect in life through Wickham's misdeeds more than Elizabeth, not even Lydia and Jane, Darcy is convinced neither of them is aware how close they were to irremediable infamy through Lydia's elopement, just as Georgie probably doesn't realise yet what she barely escaped by telling Darcy about her plans to elope with Wickham.

They have become so close since then, Georgie has developed so beautifully, too bad she couldn't be here for Elizabeth to sit beside.

But it was a good decision to leave her at Netherfield, they managed to get here relatively easily, but that may change for the return trip.

By now, Elizabeth is talking with both Wickham and her sister. She doesn't seem to feel imposed upon, though Lydia of course is a bit loud for the church. Now it is Wickham's turn to be uncomfortable, while Elizabeth doesn't seem to care at all, Lydia is not her responsibility anymore.

With the few attending family members present and seated, Mrs Gardiner now on Elizabeth's other side, the minister asks for attention.

And after his address on the subject of marriage, Bingley and Jane speak their vows as sincerely and as clear-voiced as Darcy and Elizabeth did, looking as happy as they must have done, and a lot more relaxed, since they don't have their important relations to face afterwards. Just friends, neighbours and close relatives to congratulate them on a long-expected union.

Rings are placed on each other's hands, and the new couple share their first official kiss, Darcy knows for a fact they have been stealing kisses as much as Elizabeth and himself did, they have been engaged for such a long time, it must have been incredibly difficult to refrain from further intimacies.

Somehow, witnessing the ceremony for the first time since pledging himself to Miss Elizabeth Bennet after months of heartbreak and suspense, his feelings overflow, and he has to swallow hard a few times to keep them under control.

Fortunately Elizabeth soon approaches him to congratulate the happy couple together, and of course she has seen his expression, maybe feeling some it it herself. Since Bingley and Jane are busy receiving Mr and Mrs Bennet's congratulations they take each other's hand firmly and wait for their turn.

Elizabeth is not controlling her emotions, she indeed experienced some strong emotions as dear Jane promised to cherish Bingley, as she herself promised Fitzwilliam. To be looking on instead of standing there exchanging vows is a bit strange, but Jane does so deserve to be happy in love, Elizabeth's happiness cannot be contained.

She smiles broadly as she kisses her sister and shakes hands with her new brother.

'Congratulations, you will be so happy together!'

Jane is showing her feelings for once, she is so beautiful today, and Bingley looks so happy to finally have her all to himself. They'll have a house full of guests this week, and after that the newly-weds will join the Christmas party in London, but Elizabeth is sure her sister and her husband will find the time to be together at least some of the time. It's not much use to plan a honeymoon in the depth of winter, they can always go on a trip together in spring or summer.

'Thank you, dear Lizzy,' Jane replies, 'who would have thought it would end this way, Lizzy, when Bingley came to live at Netherfield? Now we're both married, and we'll be living really close to one another in town, but what about spring and summer? Will we even see each other those months? And what about papa? He'll miss us so much!'

'I'm sure it will all be fine, Jane,' Bingley says lovingly. 'Mr Bennet can visit whenever he wants to, we'll get him used to life in town yet. And you can write all the time.

What do you all say to going back to Netherfield to celebrate? If we wait too long we may be snowed in.'

That is really sensible of him, to think ahead, and Fitzwilliam steps outside to check the weather and order the carriage, while Wickham and Lydia approach to congratulate the newly weds, Wickham his old charming self, not a hint of the affected man they saw yesterday, and Lydia over the moon, but without the slightest consideration.

'Dearest Jane, I'm so glad you're rich now, we can always stay with you and you can give us handsome presents for Christmas!'

Jane ignores her youngest sister, she is much too happy to let her spoil anything, she merely thanks Lydia for her kindness and proposes they discuss who will ride in which carriage.

'Do you think the Lucases will make it to Netherfield, Bingley? And the Goulds?'

'I cannot imagine, my love, but I'm afraid our little orchestra won't make it either. It will reduce our party to a mere gathering of friends and family, but I'll admit I'll be glad once we're safe and sound at Netherfield. We can throw a ball for our friends some other time, when it is safer for everyone.'

And to prove he can show independent thought and decisiveness he addresses his mother-in-law and his new brother-in-law, 'Mrs Bennet, Mr Wickham, I insist on all of you staying at Netherfield tonight, returning to Longbourn will be much too dangerous. I will have rooms prepared for you as soon as we arrive, if we can make it.

How are things outside, Darcy?'

Fitzwilliam has just returned.

'It's not too bad, Bingley, I can still see our footsteps from when we came in, I hope we may be able to ride straight over, without further shovelling. Though it will be too dangerous to drive back at night, I think your guests must count on staying over and bring

their attendants and a change of clothes. Warm coats and boots as well, suppose we do get stuck, it's better to be safe than sorry.'

So he already expects Wickham to be staying after all. He's back at her side, his hand feels cold as he takes hers in a firm grip and says in a low voice, 'I can't wait to get back and dance with you in your magnificent gown. I wonder what Georgie is doing right now.'

'Probably practising, Fitzwilliam, she doesn't know that the orchestra will most likely be unable to come, and that she will be playing the piano a lot of the time, unless she wants to sit through one of Maria's concerto's. She reckons she'll be dancing most of the afternoon and evening, Mr Manners will be disappointed on both counts, first he cannot converse with her because she is practising, and then he cannot dance with her because she is entertaining the others.

Oh well, better he learn straight away that she prefers playing to anything.'

He looks at her with a soft expression, and with a low, husky voice says, 'I love you so much, Elizabeth. Will you spend an hour with me in the privacy of our room, as soon as we are back?'

She replies with the same intensity.

'I will, but let's not forget your sister, she must not be left by herself with my sister and Wickham without either Jane or papa present, even my aunt or Mr Manners won't do, my aunt doesn't know your sister, and Mr Manners has no clue about Wickham.'

'You are so right, my dear, please talk to your aunt in the carriage, I suppose your father will have to ride with his wife, and don't hesitate because Bingley is there. He's married to Jane now, and she shouldn't feel obliged to keep secrets from him. Georgiana will forgive me for protecting her.'