Chapter 44

An hour and a half later, the whole party of revellers gathers for a feast in honour of the bride and groom.

Elizabeth of course wears her beautiful dress with the jacket from their London excursion, little hat and copper necklace finishing her ensemble. The elaborate hairstyle that has taken Fanny at least an hour to perfect feels strange to Elizabeth, as if her head is slightly out of balance.

She knows, however, that it is very becoming, and she will get used to the balancing act of hair and hat over her left ear before the dancing starts.

Strangely enough, she is looking forward very much to this evening. Balls used to be rather nerve-wrecking to both herself and Jane, always waiting for their mother or Lydia to make a spectacle of themselves, always hoping to be able to prevent some disaster from embarrassing them.

But now? Let Mrs Bennet talk too loudly, Jane is much too involved with her brand new husband to hear.

Is Lydia flirting with a gentleman not her husband or kissing her dear Wickham a tiny bit too intimately? Not Elizabeth's problem!

With Georgiana the very epitome of good manners and Kitty following her excellent example, and Mr Bennet busy talking politics with his brother and crops with Bingley's friends, the eldest daughters of the Bennet family can finally enjoy a ball without fear of exposure or shame.

When they have all eaten more than anyone should, the ladies move to the drawing-room, and Elizabeth feels a hand touch her arm. It's Lydia, and she is obviously stunned by her sister's apparel.

'Lizzy, you look like a queen in that dress! It's so strange-looking, but in a good way.

And the hat and coat, no-one has one like them here, or at the camp. Oh, and just look at your necklace, where did you dig that up?'

Lydia has no idea how close to the truth her remark is, Fanny and Simon did in a way dig it up, out of a forgotten drawer at the London house.

'I thought I would be jealous of you and Jane having a rich husband, Lizzy, and seeing you dressed so beautifully I am a bit. But I cannot imagine what it would be like to live without my dear Wickham.

And I suppose it is only fair that your Mr Darcy should be so rich, for Wickham says it must be difficult for you to live with such an overbearing man, it'll take all those beautiful dresses to make up for that. I do feel sorry for you, though you seem to handle it really well. You always were the strongest-minded of all of us.'

Elizabeth has a feeling this conversation is going somewhere, her little sister seems out of sorts despite her usual rantings, so she ignores Lydia's unthinking, insulting remarks and waits for her sister to get to the point.

And Lydia does so quickly for once, this must be important.

'Dear Lizzy, everyone knows you're the smartest, and I have a big problem so I thought I'd ask you, though I suppose you'll be mad at me again.'

Oh Lydia, what did she do this time? Was finally having caught her very dear Wickham not good enough, did she throw away what reputation she still had after her elopement on another officer?

'Can we go somewhere quiet, where we can talk?'

Suddenly, Lydia is almost in tears, her usual bluster nowhere to be seen.

Elizabeth takes her to the little sitting-room that is commonly used for private conversations in this house. On her way out, she makes sure to catch Georgiana's eye, and gets a wink in return.

As soon as they get to the private room, Lydia actually bursts into tears, and her elder sister tries to comfort her boisterous sibling.

'I so wish for a baby, Elizabeth, a little girl or boy of our very own, my dear Wickham and me. Most of my friends at the camp have children, and I so wished to have one myself.'

Which she undoubtedly will, she's from a very prolific family, and a mere seventeen years old by now, nothing will stop her from getting with child before she is twenty, Elizabeth fears. So why the tears? She has never seen Lydia cry before, and this is real, no doubt about it. Whatever happened?

'I think I am with child now, Elizabeth, I feel different. May I speak freely?'

Of course she may, they're sisters. But whatever can be the trouble if she has what she wants so desperately? She's way too young to be a good mother in Elizabeth's opinion, but children don't ask permission from their aunts before they are conceived.

'I have sudden spells of sadness, and I've missed a moon time. My best friend at the camp said it was a sure sign I was with child, so I told Wickham.'

Lydia hides her face in her hands and cries heartbreakingly. Then she speaks up with a broken voice, 'Dear Lizzy, he wasn't happy at all, he said I was way too young and foolish to raise a child. He wants me to take ergot, he says I can have a baby in two years, when I'm grown up and have hopefully gained some sense. But Lizzy, I don't want to take ergot. I want the baby.'

Ergot? That's not merely sinful, it's incredibly dangerous to the woman taking it. Fitzwilliam has told her about the sickness from spoiled grain that kills people in excruciating pain, which also causes stillbirths among rich and poor alike.

And he did tell her some women take it to stop an unwanted pregnancy.

But Wickham forcing Lydia to take it? He knew there would be consequences to their behaviour, according to Fitzwilliam they were already intimate when he traced them in London, before they were even married.

In abhorrence, she exclaims, 'Lydia, ergot? That stuff will kill you as easily as it will the seed you are carrying within you! You haven't taken it already, have you?'

Her sister seems a tiny bit relieved, did she expect Elizabeth to urge her to do the same as Wickham? But Lydia is by no means convinced all will be well.

'I haven't, Lizzy, I wasn't sure I was with child anyway, and this was just last Tuesday, he didn't have time to find someone to do it, we had to leave for the wedding. But I'm so afraid he'll convince me to take it when we return, I cannot refuse him, I love him so much!

Lizzy, I know I haven't always been very grown-up, but I have such good friends at the camp, they want me to have a baby of my own, they would help me so much. And if Wickham is sent overseas, he may be killed, and I'll be left all by myself, if I could only have his baby I'd always have a part of him with me.'

Poor Lydia, she understands the dangers to her beloved husband, probably thanks to her friends at the camp, and no matter how little he loves her back, Lydia's love for him is real, as real as her own love for Fitzwilliam. Though Elizabeth is not as eager to have a child, but that may also be because she understands the impact a baby would have on her life.

There is but one thing to do, it will not be pleasant but it has to be done: she must confront Wickham herself.

Her conversation with Wickham at Longbourn just yesterday gives her hope her efforts will not be in vain, Lydia's confession has given Elizabeth some insight in his reasons to talk to Elizabeth as he did, and her reminder that Jane and herself sprung from a similar mother clearly had an impact on him. Maybe he has already reviewed his opinion, and not told Lydia about it.

Though Elizabeth agrees with him that Lydia is not ready for a child at all, he must see that it is wrong to risk his soul and the life of the woman he decided to wed to save himself the cost of a good nanny.

Besides, if indeed the officer's wives are so keen and able to help, maybe Lydia doesn't even need a nanny. Kitty has improved so much with nothing more than a good example and some time spent on instruction, who knows how well Lydia would adapt to motherhood in the army camp?

Suddenly she feels a certain interest in seeing that camp, meeting the women who have such an influence on her sister. Her father more or less gave up on his wife and merely laughed at her foolishness, he never had the patience to try to educate her. What if the wives at the camp can grind some sense in Lydia, wouldn't that have a chance to make her sister less flighty?

'I'll talk to him, Lydia.'

Before she can tell her sister they already talked about this yesterday, Lydia falls on her neck, crying stormily.

'Thank you, Lizzy, thank you so much! I hoped you would talk to Wickham, he has such respect for you, I've wondered why the two of you never got together, though I'm glad of it.'

Her sister is almost unbearably thoughtless, how can she not understand these things?

'Think Lydia! Even if Mr Wickham and I had wanted to marry, what would we have lived on?'

It is actually pretty funny to see Lydia thinking back to the time when it seemed as if her elder sister would make a match with Wickham. After quite some time, her face shows she thinks she has the solution, and her reply at first pleases Elizabeth.

'I've got it, Lizzy! Mr Darcy gave us money and got Wickham his commission! He wouldn't have given that to the two of you, just like that.'

Getting close to the truth, dear Lydia. She can do some hard thinking if properly guided.

'Oh my Lord, Lizzy, did he do that for you?'

Elizabeth is pleased, Lydia may not be totally hopeless after all, maybe what Fitzwilliam did for her will cause her sister to feel some affection for him instead of a respect bordering on fear. Elizabeth nods slightly to confirm.

Then Lydia adds something that startles Elizabeth.

'Oh my Lord, Lizzy, so Mr Darcy demanded you marry him for that? You married him for me? I'm so sorry I never realised, you sacrificed your happiness for me, so I could marry Wickham! Thank you ever so much!'

Lydia, Lydia, she was so close! Used to ignoring her little sister's foolishness, Elizabeth finally decides matters cannot go on like this, she has to explain so Lydia finally understands not everyone yearns for Wickham like she does.

'Dear sister,' she starts, 'you are quite mistaken. Though Mr Darcy did give Mr Wickham the money to please me, he did not force me to marry him.

Why would he, Lydia? I have no fortune, no important family or friends, nothing to make him want to marry me. Nothing but love, Lydia.

Mr Darcy loves me as much as you love Mr Wickham, and I hurt him very much by not loving him in return. But he did not want me to be unhappy and yes, Lydia, shamed by your elopement, so he gave Mr Wickham money to marry you, so you would have something to live on.

But he did not ask for a return, in fact he tried to keep it a secret, remember how you were not supposed to tell us he was at your wedding?'

As Elizabeth mentions shame, Lydia's face shuts down for a second, but she does feel the power of the story so she listens to her sister's explanation attentively.

'So he did that because he loved you so much? That is so romantic, Lizzy! And you decided to marry him since you couldn't marry Wickham anyway and Mr Darcy loved you and was very rich?'

Patience, Elizabeth, try to explain. There will never be a better chance to catch Lydia's attention. Use the romance angle.

'No Lydia, I didn't marry him for his money. Nor because he loved me so much and hurt so much over me. I didn't even know that then for he only told me later.

When I found out Mr Darcy was not the worthless man Mr Wickham had told me he was, but in fact a very good man, who helps people just because he can, like he helped you marry Mr Wickham, I started to become interested in him.

And then he was very nice to me, to aunt and uncle Gardiner, and even to you, a girl he didn't know at all. His staff, his sister, everyone loved him so much, I slowly started to see his worth and I fell in love with him.

And now we are very happy together, Lydia, we love each other very much. I didn't marry him for you, or because I had to, I married him because I had come to love him.'

And now she's at it, better tell her the truth about Wickham as well.

'I will talk to Mr Wickham, Lydia, though I have not liked him since I found out he had lied to me about Mr Darcy treating him unfairly. But you are my sister and I want you to be happy, so I will be polite to him and convince him to let you have your baby.

However, Lydia, do not think I love him or have ever loved him, I do not envy you your husband for I love my own much better. Watch us if you still don't believe me, I'm sure you recognise love when you see it.'

Actually, she cannot, or she would know Wickham doesn't love her. But Lydia believing her sister married a spoiled rich noble under pressure is too damaging to everyone involved.

'Now let's go back to the party, I will talk to Mr Wickham as soon as possible, you enjoy yourself dancing while you still can. Once you have a baby, everything will change.'

'That's what my friend Janet said, I wish you could come to visit and meet her, and the others. They often talk like you and Jane used to do, telling me to pay attention and take heed, but somehow it's easier to believe when it's not my sisters saying it.

Thank you ever so much, dear Lizzy, I'm happy now. I'll show Wickham I will be the best mother in the world to our baby and he will be so proud of me.'

When they return, the gentlemen are in the drawing-room, and coffee is served. Fitzwilliam immediately comes towards her, he wants to kiss her but he won't in company, though of course Lydia runs at her husband and kisses him in delight. Wickham doesn't show embarrassment anymore, just resignation.

This time, Elizabeth can understand Lydia's show of affection, she was worried and now she feels relieved, and she just cannot control her feelings like a normal gentleman's daughter.

A beloved voice addresses her.

'I suppose you can use a cup of coffee, whatever that was about?'

She smiles at Fitzwilliam and acknowledges her need for a heartening beverage, adding, 'Let's sit in an empty corner for a moment, I need a bit of quiet and a loving touch, as well as a cup of coffee, to bring me back to the party-spirit.'

Even with so many people in one place it is possible to retreat for a few moments, and Darcy signals a servant to bring coffee, then leads his beloved to a relatively secluded spot in the room, the piano-stool.

Georgiana is chatting with Mr Gardiner and Mrs Gardiner, in the company of Jane and Kitty, and Mr Grenfell is talking to Miss Bingley once again, gesticulating broadly. It seems as if Georgiana has nothing to fear of him, he doesn't pay the slightest attention to her, he seems totally preoccupied by the sister of the groom, who looks ravishing in a revealing dress of the deepest green silk.

Mr Manners is in discussion with his friends, Bingley included, but he seems to be keeping an eye on Georgiana and his friend Grenfell. Which in the case of Mr Manners is not disconcerting, but actually a reassuring thought.

A cup of coffee in hand, Darcy and Elizabeth sit side by side on the piano stool, not very comfortable but very intimate. Elizabeth takes his hand, and in a low voice drops her bombshell.

'Lydia thinks she is with child. She's had several occurrences that prove it, according to her friends at the camp.'

And as Darcy stares at her in abhorrence, the girl has just turned seventeen and hasn't even been married half a year, his beloved drops the next.

'Wickham wants her to take ergot and get rid of it. Apparently he said she is too young to take care of a baby. But this was before they came here, I hope I changed his mind.'

'She ís too young to care for a child,' Darcy comments, obviously shocked, 'but she is also much too young to die in agony. How did she react, did she cry?'

'She did, she wants a baby desperately because she is afraid he will be killed in action and she wants his child to remember him by.'

Darcy shakes his head, 'Girls.. I'm glad you don't have your head stuffed full of romantic notions. Are you going to confront him?'

'Of course I am, he is trying to kill my baby-sister. I'm going to give him a piece of my mind, and depending on his reply I may even threaten him with the law. I suppose eternal damnation won't make an impression on him.'

'No it won't. Remember him yesterday? All depressed and misunderstood?'

Elizabeth nods.

'Well, when we were having our brandy just now, he was his good old self, outgoing, well-mannered and very entertaining. I think only Manners saw through him straight away, and he saved me from feeling left out by giving me an honest account of my sister's interaction with Mr Grenfell, as far as he had seen it. He supported her opinion, that she was being hunted.

I asked him to visit at Christmas, and he accepted eagerly. You know Georgiana says he's not in love with her, but I'm inclined to think he's just not the kind to fall head over heels in love, for he spoke of her with sincere affection. He keeps growing on me, Elizabeth, he's not handsome but that is the only thing I can hold against him.

He says he's an avid sportsman, he loves fishing as well. If I were to invite him to Pemberley, would that keep you from going along on a hunt?'

'I don't think so, love, I really want to ride astride and join you in the hunt.

But what about Lydia?'

'Don't worry, love, I think you have prepared Mr Wickham for the arrival of a little Elizabeth or a little George well enough. You talk to him and he'll tell you he'll spend his last penny on a superb nurse. I don't like George Wickham, Elizabeth, but I think he will be an excellent father, he's not cruel or unfeeling. He just has bad morals, and a nanny, and later a governess, can do quite a lot to compensate for that.

And anyway, you cannot prevent them from having children, though I'm sure you can prevent your brother-in-law from feeding his wife ergot.

Come, let's join the crowd, I think the dancing is about to start.'

As it turns out, the orchestra has managed to make it to Netherfield after all, and soon they are all assembled on the dance-floor, eager to follow the happy newly-weds into the first dance.

Elizabeth really is the most beautiful lady of the whole party, excepting the new Mrs Bingley. But no, frankly not. To Darcy, his wife is actually more beautiful than his sister-in-law, Jane may be more beautiful from the outside, but in Elizabeth a fire burns that to Darcy will always set her apart from every other woman in the world.

And he is not the only man to admire her, every man looks at least twice at his beloved in her exceptional dress, which makes him very proud to have such a beautiful woman at his side, actually in love with him.

As Jane and Bingley lead all the couples into the first dance, it is clear Elizabeth is thinking of the last time they danced together at a ball, in this same room.

'I'm still so embarrassed at the spectacle my relatives made of themselves,' she whispers to Darcy, who clearly remembers that night. He remembers Mr Collins introducing himself, not at all getting Darcy's hints to be done with it after ten minutes of discourse on Lady Catherine's magnificence, and Mrs Bennet speculating loudly about the upcoming marriage of Miss Bennet and Bingley.

But those memories have lost their meaning, generally Darcy would dare say all the people involved have gained some decorum, including himself, though Mrs Bennet is probably only momentarily influenced for the better by her sister-in-law Mrs Gardiner, who would not encourage her to be as boisterous as her younger daughters.

And frankly, Georgiana is making the most of being among the girls, Maria has made it to the party after all, and the three girls are paired off with some of Bingley's friends, Mr Manners, of course, the French guy, and the thin, dark popinjay.

No, the memory that still has some hold over Darcy is that of dancing with Elizabeth, more than a little love-struck, hardly able to talk from feeling, and her trying to get him to talk with piquant remarks on his person. How didn't he see that she disliked him intensely?

It is actually painful to remember every sentence, every word they exchanged, for now he realises again how his behaviour towards her fed her dislike of him, the disdain with which he spoke of Wickham without explaining, his coldness when she persisted, he could have paid her a compliment, or said something nice! Instead he tried to enjoy their moments together in silence, making her even more uncomfortable.

'I suppose you were reviewing all your memories, too,' she says laughing. 'And beating yourself up about something you did, if I know your facial expressions at all by now.'

Her smile is worth millions, she has developed so much since that evening at the ball, and she will never stop learning, keeping him on his toes in the process.

'You caught me, love, I was reviewing my memories of the ball, and I wondered how I never suspected your intense dislike of me, you made it so very clear how you felt, how could I have missed it? If only I had tried to make myself agreeable to you, I could have explained about Wickham, I could have said something nice, like, 'Miss Elizabeth, you look ravishing as usual. Would you allow me to visit you and talk about books or ramble along a few lanes together?'

I really thought you'd order your wedding dress if I did that.'

'Miss Bingley would have, my love, as well as plenty of other young ladies of your acquaintance.

Please don't make yourself unhappy over the past, you didn't know me at all, how could you have known I was serious?

Though if it was all a ploy to catch you, I must have had a strange notion of what men liked to hear, for I was really nasty to you. I'm ashamed to remember, truly.'

She squeezes his hand and shakes her head as if to clear it of memories, then says gaily, 'Let's just forget the whole affair and be glad things worked out against the odds, and celebrate our union, and that of Jane and Bingley. They must be so very happy!'

Which they do, for at least four dances, mostly in silence, allowing Darcy to relish dancing with the woman of his dreams this time.

Until Mr Bennet claims his daughter.

'Come Darcy, you have her to yourself all the time, let a poor father have a dance with his beautiful daughter before you take her away from him again.'

Of course he lets his beloved out of his hands for a while, to find Miss Bingley eyeing him wistfully.

Pretending not to notice he checks on his sister, who is dancing with Mr Manners, he's certainly a very good dancer, he looks very agile and he leads very strongly. Georgie clearly likes to dance with him.

Wickham is dancing with Kitty, and Lydia with Grenfell, trust her to pick the handsomest man of the lot.

Oh well, better get it over with then.

'Miss Bingley, would you care to dance the next dance with me?'

She is pleased, and she looks rather nice, but Darcy cannot remember why he ever liked her. He must have been a different man himself, she is so mean, and so petty. But, she's elegant and a good dancer, the dance will be over in but a moment.

'Mr Darcy, I guess you're still the handsomest man of my acquaintance, your valet has outdone himself tonight. And you've done wonders with Miss Elizabeth, she has been so lady-like these last few days.'

Well, at least Miss Bingley hasn't changed, still as mean as ever.

'She has, hasn't she? I'll be glad to have her to myself again, she's taking her new role as Mrs Darcy of Pemberley so seriously, I really have to work hard to get an impertinent remark or a few kisses out of her in public. Fortunately I'm not above begging.'

The mention of 'Mrs Darcy' and 'Pemberley' really hits the mark, that hurt, Miss Bingley will not deliver veiled insults against his beloved wife again.

To complete the whole, he throws a yearning look at Elizabeth as she passes in the dance, and gets a big wink in return.

After that, Miss Bingley wisely changes the subject, and to Darcy's immense joy she talks about Grenfell admiring her.

'He is so handsome and such an excellent sportsman, and I do believe we have the exact same taste in literature. His estate is magnificent, and he tells me he has a house in town just waiting for a lady's touch. So charming!'

Darcy nods, and asks, 'Did he offer to teach you how to ride?'

'How did you know? He did, but I told him I don't like horses, the smell gets into everything, Charles always smells of horse.'

As does Darcy, as will Grenfell once the snow melts. But Grenfell apparently really wants his future bride to ride, he was not trying to get into Georgiana's good graces by offering her instruction.

'But not today, Miss Bingley, today your brother smelled of lavender and happiness. See them dance together once more.'

As groom, Bingley has to accept every man wanting to dance with the bride, and he bears it admirably, dancing with every lady in the room in turns until he can hold his beloved wife in his arms again.

When the dance ends, Darcy does not offer to continue to dance with Miss Bingley, but sits one out with Mr and Mrs Gardiner instead. They observe the couples, and comment on the usual goings on, until Mrs Gardiner remarks, 'Your sister has grown up so fast since last summer, Mr Darcy, she seems to have gotten over her shyness altogether, see her dance so easily with Mr Wickham. Though of course he's not a total stranger to her, you all more or less grew up together, didn't you?'

Darcy experiences a certain shock at seeing Wickham with his sister, but Mrs Gardiner is right, they look like two young people who grew up together. Georgiana, who is usually shy like himself, is dancing with the man whom she should rightly hate, and she seems entirely comfortable doing so.