Chapter 52

And when she and her brother are gone from the house just after lunch, back to their friends for another four days, Eric quickly retreats to his own apartment to tune his piano and give his thoughts and feelings free rein.

Suddenly his smouldering infatuation has turned into something a lot more serious. If Georgiana indeed finds love for him in her heart, he may be in deep trouble. It would be the most ironic thing ever if he were kicked out of Mr Darcy's house for loving his sister, when he was dismissed by Mr Zumpe for not loving his daughter.

The worst thing is, that though Eric has been raised a gentleman and displays better manners than even his former patron, who will stay a businessman and middle-class for his entire life, Eric has no idea what the gentry are like.

Mr Darcy is very understanding, very magnanimous and very likeable, but Eric is very much aware that he may as well be different species of human from his new protector, Eric may dress like a gentleman, talk like them and be liked by them, he will never be one of them. A huge gap yawns between the gentry and normal people, and he is stuck somewhere in between.

Mr Zumpe has servants, but they are different somehow, the servants in this house seem to be more than just employees, they seem to be partly defined by their serving a noble family, there is a certain humility about them that his former patron's servants lack. They're just working a job, it's as if these servants adhere to a certain way of life, as if the magnificence of their masters reflects on them.

What will happen if Georgiana does indeed fall in love with him? Eric is sure they could be almost deliriously happy together, their mutual love of music, their boundless ability to immerse themselves in their study of a certain sequence of a composition. But Georgiana is not a typical high-born lady, she doesn't care at all about clothes and jewellery, she even wants to learn how to run a household, she is not stuck on being a lady among ladies.

The coming Christmas party will prove or disprove his hopes, he will see her among her own class, and how she treats the servants, it is so important he doesn't lose himself in expectations of their being together before he knows a lot more about what to expect, of her, and especially her brother.

Would Mr Darcy accept his sister making a match with a man of low birth, with no fortune and even without skills to make a living? Dependent on his own charity? Full of ambitions but with no true proof he will ever realise them?

Eric cannot answer his own question with anything else but a decided 'no.'

Of course he wouldn't.

If Georgiana falls in love with him, she'll only get hurt.

Unless, maybe, Eric can prove to Mr Darcy he can take care of her? Build up an income of his own? But why would he want his sister to live as a normal woman when she could marry a gentleman and live as her mother did, and her mother before that?

Georgiana has a fortune, apparently quite a large one, his patron used to joke about that when Eric started to teach her, though he didn't know how large exactly. She must be very sought after among her own class, and of course Mr Darcy wants his sister to marry a gentleman with good prospects, not someone with a lot of talent but no means to develop it, who acts the gentleman to perfection but cannot even ride or shoot a rifle.

By now, Eric has dragged himself down to a whole new depth, when just last night he laid awake with pure joy, and while this does not hinder his progress tuning his beloved piano, it is not a very comfortable state to be in. And he cannot even soothe his feelings with some music, for his poor piano is not finished by far.

But wallowing in depression will not get him anywhere, that is the only certainty he has. It behooves him to use the chance he has been given, and put his love for Georgiana somewhere safe and secret, and dust off his ambitions and work towards a goal. There are plenty of opportunities, he has but to choose one and work hard towards it, as he has ever done.

And has he ever failed to reach a goal he set for himself? Certainly not!

Lack of money has always held him back, but he is now at an age that he needs to take any opportunity that presents itself. Which means that he may have to let go of his childish dream to become the best pianist ever, and concentrate his efforts on making a name for himself in London and the rest of England, and yes, maybe, expose his own compositions to the harsh outside world.

The people around him seem to really appreciate them, love them actually, so maybe he has to find the courage to bare his innermost feelings to others, though that means risking having them defaced by anyone with an opinion and a means to spread it.

Will he dare do that?

Occupied as he is by his thoughts, Eric never notices the time until the bell rings for dinner. It rings for his sole benefit, for only Mrs Annesley and the cook are in, the maid goes home for dinner when the family is away. He'd better change and go to the common room in the servants' part of the house, it's not a good idea to dine by himself as a gentleman would, he must not be by alone in his current mood, and anyway, he can learn a lot about his benefactor from his servants.

The tuning is as good as finished, his shoulders, wrists and fingers hurt with the effort, but after dinner he will do the rest of the fine-tuning, and then he will write down the music he played to Georgiana yesterday. That will not help fulfil his promise to himself, not to let his love for her overcome his good sense and prospects for his future, but it's something he can't not do, if he doesn't write it down, the music will keep singing through his head, plaguing him night and day until he faces it. Better do that when there is no-one around to witness the mood it will undoubtedly trigger.

Dressed suitably for dinner at a gentleman's house, he descends the beautifully worked stairs, this is such a magnificent house, Mr Darcy has such taste in decoration, until he meets Mrs Annesley in the hall.

'Will you be dining alone, sir?' she asks.

Just incredible! As if she doesn't remember him standing on the front porch, nearly bewildered with his patron's rage and rejection, reluctant to beg for mercy but unable to think of something else to do. She actually put an arm on his shoulder and comforted him as if he was her adult son. And now she calls him sir?

'Mrs Annesley, I'm not a sir, I'm just Eric! May I please sit with the two of you? I'll feel totally forlorn by myself.'

'I'm sorry, Eric, you're dressed for the dining-room, Mr Darcy told me you were to be treated as a visiting gentleman, so I guess I thought you had similar instructions, though he did tell me you could sit with us as long as the family were away, of course you are welcome to join us.

I commend you for adapting as far as the clothing, good thinking, and we'll welcome your addition to our tête-à-tête, Cook and I respect one another, but it's always great fun to have someone else to talk to.

Are you pleased with the master's reception?'

Mrs Annesley glosses over her little slip of the tongue, betraying she doesn't really like the cook, and small wonder, she's as good as a lady herself, she must have very little in common with the fanatical chef, who lives and breathes food whereas Mrs Annesley can almost be called ascetic, she's so lean and seems to have so few vices.

'Very pleased, Mrs Annesley, I knew he was very nice, but he showed me much more respect than I deserve. Which is why I am practising my habits and manners, not to let him down in front of his guests.'

'You could never let the master down, Eric, you have a kind of natural delicacy that will make an impression on even the most spoiled noble. And none of those will be attending, this party will be very good friends only, and the master's new in-laws, but from what I have understood the most discerning member of the master's new family is someone you've already met, Mr Bennet. He has a reputation for being sarcastic, but I haven't seen any of it. It will be interesting to see him with his wife.'

That is very familiar talk, and Eric feels himself relax as he follows Mrs Annesley to the common-room, remembering how Mrs Annesley and Mrs Darcy's father seemed to have a very agreeable time together.

'Thank you, Mrs Annesley, once again you've managed to make me feel much better. I don't know the rules in this house, but should you fancy some entertainment, I have my own piano in my apartment in near perfect tune, if Cook and yourself would like me to play the piano for you, it would be my pleasure.'

'We usually sit in our own rooms, or in the common-room, of course we don't just go in the house, we cannot join you in the drawing-room, but in your own private rooms is all right, Eric, if Cook feels like attending a concert I'd love to hear you play again. Would you mind if I bring my work? My hands are so used to being busy, they cannot stay still for any length of time.'

Eric can't help smiling at that.

'I have much the same thing, Mrs Annesley, unfortunately, my preferred occupation makes a lot of noise.'

'But it pleases many, Eric, whereas my work is only accessible to the very rich. With your art, you can reach out to everyone, and I for one am convinced you will. Mr Darcy will help you to let even the lowest labourer enjoy your music, and you will be very famous. Fame will not even spoil you, I'm sure, it will merely give you the independence you deserve, and the chance to marry a girl of your own choosing, who fits your own character much better than Miss Zumpe, an intelligent, ambitious girl who will nonetheless support your career.'

Nearly overcome with guilt just after his arrival, Eric told the sympathetic housekeeper about Louise, and apparently she doesn't blame him for refusing to marry a girl without aim in her life.

'Thank you so much for your confidence, Mrs Annesley, it is really heartening. And of course you are welcome to work through any concert of mine, be it the Hofburg in Vienna or St Peter's Cathedral in Rome.'

'Do you know German, Eric?'

'I certainly do, Mrs Annesley, I lived in Prague for six months, my master there spoke no English.'

'You seem to have a perfect pronunciation, maybe we can talk German some time this week?'

'It will be my pleasure, Mrs Annesley.'

Her kindness, and his new status as gentleman guest give Eric some courage, and once they all sit down at a long table, clearly meant for many more than their mere three, he asks, 'Why is that everyone calls you Cook? Don't you have a name of your own?'

Half afraid to have insulted the rather severe looking man, Eric is relieved to find him smiling as he replies, 'I suppose it is a sort of title, to prove a slightly higher status among the staff, just as everyone calls Mrs Annesley a missus, even if she had been twenty years old or an old maid. It comes with the responsibility.

We have a certain authority to resolve minor disputes, and to make autonomous decisions on daily matters.

But in my case, I don't like my own name either. It's Bartholomew, and don't let me or anyone else catch you calling me that, or Bart, or Black Bart, which cured me of my own name forever. For your information, I used to have inky black locks as beautiful as yours.

I was teased mercilessly in my youth, because of my name, and those locks, and though you outrank me, I won't hesitate to cause a stir taking a spoon to you if you rake up my old frustrations.'

Despite the seriousness of that threat, Cook delivers them with a playful laugh, which makes him a lot more human and likeable suddenly.

'I'm glad you cleared that up for me, Cook, and I promise you faithfully I will never call you any of that, neither to your face, nor behind your back. Cook is good enough for me. Though I find it rather hard to imagine you with long black hair, and anyone daring to tease you. But I suppose you were a lot smaller then.'

'I was as skinny as you, I'll have you know. My wife keeps my hair short now, it's receded more than a little these last years. Besides, in a kitchen short hair is a requirement, can't have my best dishes seasoned with human hairs, after all.'

With a little more banter they liven up the meal, and after dinner Eric even helps washing up, someone has to do it after all when all the maids and kitchen-aids are off work.

Cook has accepted his invitation to enjoy a little music, and Eric uses another hour to fine-tune his instrument, postponing his hour writing down the music in his mind gladly for the prospect of some company.

A knock on the door announces his guests, as he opens up, Mrs Annesley comes in lugging her work, and Cook holds a tray with a pot of steaming hot tea and a plate with what looks like freshly baked cookies.

They drink tea first, the cookies may easily be the best Eric has ever tasted, very rich and with real pieces of chocolate baked into them.

Mrs Annesley soon sets up her work, a collapsible table supporting a rather unwieldy frame, which she manoeuvres into a workable position with great routine. Of course she has a bag with threads along and several kinds of needles. Within minutes, she is hard at work, and Eric admires what she has finished so far.

It is truly incredible, more like a painting than embroidery, he can discern the branches of a tree, covered in individual leaves as if in high summer. The trunk of the tree shows bark and scarring where branches have been removed over the years, and beside it, a horse is taking shape.

At least it looks like a horse, there is a flowing black tail visible and the start of a horse's buttocks and hocks in deep brown.

But now it's time for his own art, and Eric sits in front of his familiar instrument and tests the full reach of it with his favourite scales. Music fills the room, though not ideal, the acoustics of this relatively small and heavily furnished apartment are better than he expected, giving a certain intimate atmosphere.

To warm up, he uses a few traditional pieces, not too difficult and very accessible to anyone who likes music.

Then the sonata he has been practising with Georgiana, it's child's play to him though it is generally seen as forbiddingly difficult. Georgiana doesn't have much trouble with it either, she is coming on so fast.

Looking at his tiny audience, he can see Mrs Annesley truly likes this intricate piece of music, but Cook preferred the less convoluted traditionals. Frankly, Eric finds them over the top, too, they're so artificial, music should be instinctive, bursting forth from the very soul as feelings do.

Time for the ultimate test.

Seeing Cook as a kind of representative of the common people, Eric starts his own composition, the older one, the original version.

And to his relief, this seems to affect even the stolid man, he sits immobilised, totally mesmerized by the journey through the Canal and over the North Sea to Germany, then across Germany.

And still he doesn't show signs of boredom, this is going well.

Eric allows himself to become totally involved in his own creation, he lets himself be taken along through those rough mountains again, reliving his travels in his own composition.

And for good measure he adds the start of his London work, his budding love for Georgiana captured in music, a poignant reminder to himself how much it has grown. He'll put the rest in writing when his guests have left, Mr Darcy has assured him he can play as late as he likes, the heavy furnishings in the house prevent the sound from carrying very far, and there are at least two rooms empty on each side of his apartment.

That's enough for now, his fingers have been strained by the tuning, and there is at least an hour of playing in store for him tonight. Better try those exercises Georgiana showed him.

The touch of her small hand on his, she is so fearless and so innocent. There was nothing coy in that touch, just a sincere wish to help him conquer a tiny glitch he has struggled with for years.

He finishes with a flourish, trying not to remember the moment she stroked his hair and kissed him, trying to not recall her indignant observation that pity didn't motivate her impulsive action, but the stirring of some new feeling inside her, a feeling Eric both hopes and fears is a budding love for him.

As he faces his guests in a desperate attempt not to simper about his love, suddenly come a lot closer but still unattainable, he can see they are both impressed. Mrs Annesley knew what to expect, of course, but Cook is stunned.

'Now I know why the master wants you to dine with him, Mr Fielding. I've never heard anything like this, I just cannot believe mere music can make an adult man feel this way. This is going to be big, you are going to be very sought after. Everyone I know will love this, they'll want to hear you play it. I wish I could take it home with me, to let my wife hear it. Thank you so much.'

What happened to their bantering? Suddenly he's Mr Fielding, and not Eric anymore? He used to banter with his patron's servants all the time, things certainly are different here. But it's their world, and it's his job to fit in.

'My pleasure, Cook. Can I still join you in the kitchen for meals? Until the family returns?'

Cook doesn't get it, servility has probably been ingrained in him from the start of his working life, but Mrs Annesley does, and she soothes Eric once again.

'Of course you may, Eric, Mr Darcy said you could, and we'll be pleased to have you. From now on there will be more folk about, though, we've rooms to prepare and a feast to store up for. Besides planning our own little Christmas party in the common-room, Mr Darcy never lets his staff do without a special treat on the holidays.'

Soon after this conversation, his guests leave, Cook still not back to informality, but Eric has no space in his mind to worry about that, the music is fast taking over, this needs to be done straight away.

Rummaging in his leather case to find music paper and a pencil, he is soon sitting at the keyboard. He clears his mind and surrenders to the flow of his feelings.